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ananke
post Apr 28 2006, 03:21 AM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 266


I'm going to a candle lighting ceremony next week for victims of DV. I'm a little scared. Therapy has been better but more difficult. I'm making progress but some days I just want to hide.
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gumby_cc
post Aug 6 2006, 05:49 AM
Post #2


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 242
From: Boston


Maddy, I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to "come out" to your family....especially with it being someone your did is so close to. How did people respond to your letters? What happened after your grandfather got his?

My mom is so flakey.....when it happened I dropped out of school for the rest of the semester and then moved away for one month, and she thought it was all due to stress. I just haven't ever been able to share important stuff with her because she overreacts or treats me like a baby.....and this would definately make me think that SHe would think I can't take care of myself....esp living in the big city and all. One thing my doctor told me was that if you wait a really long time to tell important people (like parents), they might get really resentful that you didn't tell them right away because they'll think you shut them out of your life.....I just don't want to deal with that. One of my brothers knows. When he found out, he was like, "I'm gonna break some kneecaps!" It was sweet because I didn't think he'd freak like he did.

I ended up confronting my rapist in a letter. After the incident, he started emailing me wanting to talk but they'd say things like "I was so wound up, you couldn't possibly expect me not to," and shit like that. I ignored them all and then he started sneaking into my school (EVEN THOUGH IT HAS A SECURITY GUARD BY THE DOOR!) and leaving letters in my mailbox saying shit like, "sorry for being such a sleeze"....but he wouldn't stop doing that and I felt so unsafe just going to school so I ended up writing a letter back to him.....but only out of necessity---I would have never done it if he had left me the fuck alone. I just told him how I really felt about it and what i thought he had did and shit. His response, "I don't think we should talk anymore." and that was the last of it. It infuriates me because even when we were just going through talking about it , he was in complete control of that....like he got me to write a letter to him even though I didn't want to, and then when he was ready to not talk to me anymore, then the conversation was over. I think that's the part that upsets me most. But I guess you can't expect much from a rapist.

I have never gone into so much detail about this with anybody in real life. It kind of feels good! Thanks for listening guys. It sucks so much that so many of us have been in situations like this. What a fucking epidemic.
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Posts in this topic
ananke   Survivor's Space   Apr 28 2006, 03:21 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   May 23 2006, 12:46 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   May 24 2006, 10:31 AM
nohope   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 05:11 AM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 10:35 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 11:44 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 04:31 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 05:18 PM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 08:46 PM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 23 2006, 04:05 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 23 2006, 07:01 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 24 2006, 02:53 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 24 2006, 06:49 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 25 2006, 06:59 AM
ananke   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 12:01 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 07:54 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 08:08 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 08:10 AM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 12:48 PM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 01:21 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 01:44 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:00 AM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:31 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:40 AM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 12:16 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 12:19 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 03:41 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jul 6 2006, 01:19 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jul 6 2006, 01:37 PM
ananke   Survivor's Space   Jul 7 2006, 01:39 AM
cstars124   [font=Comic Sans Ms]I just have a question for eve...   Jul 11 2006, 10:44 AM
ananke   My rape was very similar. He didn't say it was...   Jul 13 2006, 02:05 AM
maddy29   yep that's rape. he raped you. no two ways ab...   Jul 26 2006, 08:25 AM
cstars124   I'm sorry maddy. :( Is there any type of hypn...   Jul 26 2006, 09:57 AM
maddy29   um, you were in shock? that's why you didn...   Jul 26 2006, 10:06 AM
cstars124   We were in an argument at his apartment and for so...   Jul 26 2006, 10:28 AM
pixiedust   I personally think it is harder to be raped or abu...   Jul 26 2006, 10:35 AM
maddy29   also, friends that don't believe you aren...   Jul 26 2006, 10:56 AM
cstars124   I don't think it's a crazy idea. I've ...   Jul 26 2006, 11:09 AM
maddy29   now i've got myself all riled up. i happened ...   Jul 26 2006, 02:09 PM
erinjane   cstars, I deal a lot with the 'why didn't ...   Jul 26 2006, 02:28 PM
maddy29   such a great point EJ! although i imagine a l...   Jul 26 2006, 04:22 PM
pixiedust   Don't ever think yourself crazy maddy. I have...   Jul 26 2006, 04:33 PM
maddy29   thanks pixie :) it's true, i was like 7 when ...   Jul 27 2006, 08:31 AM
kittenb   A few weeks ago I was speaking in front of several...   Jul 31 2006, 07:31 AM
maddy29   Ok kittenb, i'll mention it-FMSF :) Yep, I ch...   Jul 31 2006, 09:19 AM
kittenb   The DNA backlog is still a problem. The funding ju...   Jul 31 2006, 09:40 AM
gumby_cc   Sorry to just jump in. I'm a long time lurker ...   Aug 1 2006, 09:28 PM
maddy29   oh gumby, i'm SO sorry. that's totally su...   Aug 2 2006, 09:57 AM
kittenb   gumby_cc that's a horrible position to be put ...   Aug 2 2006, 11:20 AM
gumby_cc   maddy, i can't even imagine standing in front ...   Aug 2 2006, 06:59 PM
ananke   A very very eeerily similar thing happened to me. ...   Aug 3 2006, 04:16 AM
maddy29   yeah, the truth is, you're right to be afraid ...   Aug 3 2006, 07:10 AM
cstars124   gumby, I was raped by someone i was dating too. An...   Aug 3 2006, 08:17 AM
maddy29   it's interesting how many of us were hurt by p...   Aug 3 2006, 08:27 AM
cstars124   hey maddy, did you ever go to the police or anythi...   Aug 3 2006, 09:42 AM
maddy29   there's a statue of limitations, for people wi...   Aug 3 2006, 11:37 AM
kittenb   Having worked at an HMO for 18 months, I can say r...   Aug 3 2006, 11:50 AM
cstars124   I'm sorry. Unfortunately, I think there's ...   Aug 3 2006, 11:51 AM
maddy29   yeah, i mean i'm supposed to sit there in cour...   Aug 3 2006, 12:13 PM
gumby_cc   haaha, well, my other therapist thinks I have PTSD...   Aug 4 2006, 04:15 AM
cstars124   I have a question for everybody. Has anyone actua...   Aug 4 2006, 06:31 AM
maddy29   verbally? yikes, that's fucking scary. i did ...   Aug 4 2006, 08:11 AM
cstars124   I don't think you're a crazy big liar, mad...   Aug 4 2006, 08:53 AM
maddy29   oh my god cstars. ok, i have a MUCH better underst...   Aug 4 2006, 01:50 PM
cstars124   Well, i'm sure if I told my parents, they woul...   Aug 4 2006, 02:42 PM
maddy29   cstars-how old are you? that sucks that your sist...   Aug 4 2006, 04:05 PM
cstars124   I'm 22. My parents would definitely help me ...   Aug 4 2006, 05:32 PM
maddy29   yeah, i kinda know what you mean. if you put it ou...   Aug 4 2006, 07:31 PM
erinjane   I've never confronted my rapist verbally eithe...   Aug 4 2006, 09:29 PM
kittenb   I remember when I was in my first group therapy ti...   Aug 6 2006, 07:46 AM
treehugger   Hi. So I'm just popping in. Maybe to introdu...   Aug 6 2006, 05:09 PM
kittenb   Welcome, treehugger! Thanks for the mojitos. ...   Aug 7 2006, 08:46 AM
ananke   I have been insanely furious this week. Just const...   Aug 8 2006, 02:00 AM
datagirl   For the umpteenth time I am so grateful for this t...   Aug 8 2006, 08:43 PM
catwomyn   Oh man. That is so sad what happened to your famil...   Aug 9 2006, 09:42 AM
treehugger   I hope Treehugger is still here too, and feels l...   Aug 15 2006, 03:10 PM
datagirl   Thankyou Catwomyn, Hugs to all survivers here. ...   Aug 9 2006, 06:07 PM
kittenb   At the risk of sounding melodramatic, realizing th...   Aug 10 2006, 12:09 PM
datagirl   I have no idea how myself or any of the other surv...   Aug 10 2006, 05:36 PM
maddy29   omg datagirl-i've been on vacation for the wee...   Aug 15 2006, 12:51 PM
maddy29   hey datagirl-how are you holding up? just checki...   Aug 23 2006, 11:55 AM
ananke   BREAK THROUGH! For the first time since I was...   Aug 25 2006, 01:59 AM
cstars124   Yay, ananke! That's awesome. Congrats...   Aug 25 2006, 06:49 AM
kittenb   cstars124 - at the risk of sounded like a cliched ...   Aug 25 2006, 09:58 PM
hummingbird   I have come to accept that a lot of my feelings do...   Aug 27 2006, 05:19 AM
erinjane   I'm feeling really angry lately. I just did m...   Aug 27 2006, 09:41 PM
maddy29   wtf? forgive him? why? maybe if he changes his lif...   Aug 28 2006, 11:16 AM
erinjane   I know. On other message boards I've seen peo...   Aug 28 2006, 02:21 PM
datagirl   Hugs to all survivors(((()))))) I've been her...   Aug 28 2006, 08:36 PM
maddy29   erinjane, that makes me feel so sad. all of us ar...   Aug 29 2006, 08:58 AM
hummingbird   erinjane, I go through periods where I am so ragef...   Aug 30 2006, 07:43 AM
erinjane   I love this thread. :) Just wanted to say though,...   Aug 30 2006, 09:46 AM
deschatsrouge   delurk: My rape counselor never told me to forgiv...   Aug 30 2006, 10:25 AM
kittenb   maddy - reporting times will depend on the statute...   Sep 3 2006, 12:44 AM
kittenb   I repeat, my anger is the ONE thing that I get to ...   Sep 3 2006, 11:48 AM
erinjane   Could someone tell me how to ignore? I haven...   Sep 3 2006, 12:40 PM
kittenb   I WANT TO BE ABLE TO IGNORE CERTAIN POSTERS You ca...   Sep 3 2006, 12:51 PM
kittenb   Okay, it really does work, although I still get no...   Sep 3 2006, 12:54 PM
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