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ananke
post Apr 28 2006, 03:21 AM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 266


I'm going to a candle lighting ceremony next week for victims of DV. I'm a little scared. Therapy has been better but more difficult. I'm making progress but some days I just want to hide.
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kittenb
post Aug 6 2006, 07:46 AM
Post #2


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


I remember when I was in my first group therapy time, I told the group leader quite honestly that talking about all of this was ruining my life. There seems to be a period of dealing and healing where everything just feels so much worse than it ever did before. I don't really know why that is, but it seems to be really true.

As far as confronting my abuser...god that would just be my worst nightmare. I was seven when the rape happened. No one knew until I was 20-21. I still worry that I will see him someday on the street and he will recognize me. I just don't know what I would do. Statistics tell me that he did it again to someone else. When 16 y/o boys rape 7 y/o girls, they are heading down a long road of pedophelia. So if I were to meet him, not only would I be seeing the boy who raped me, but someone who was most likely a repeat violent offender. I wonder if he ever was caught and if so what happened but I am not sure that I really want to check and find out. I never want any sort of connection with him again, aside from the one that I just can't shake.

Ed. to add: I just want to stress that I am in no way saying that what happened to me was worse than anyone else. I don't believe that any rapist just does it once, even if they only get caught once. I've learned that sometimes people find it easier to feel sympathy for people who were raped as children that thoes who were raped as adults and it makes me crazy. I have also noticed that sometimes people want to give me some sort of "victim" defintition that I never know what to do with. Am I making this point clear? No one deserves this and everyone who has to live through it should be entitled to as much sympthy, empathy, and support as she/he desires. In the form that we want it!


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In times of destruction, create something.
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ananke   Survivor's Space   Apr 28 2006, 03:21 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   May 23 2006, 12:46 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   May 24 2006, 10:31 AM
nohope   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 05:11 AM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 10:35 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 11:44 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 04:31 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 05:18 PM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 22 2006, 08:46 PM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 23 2006, 04:05 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 23 2006, 07:01 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 24 2006, 02:53 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 24 2006, 06:49 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 25 2006, 06:59 AM
ananke   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 12:01 AM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 07:54 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 08:08 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 08:10 AM
erinjane   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 12:48 PM
pixiedust   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 01:21 PM
kittenb   Survivor's Space   Jun 26 2006, 01:44 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:00 AM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:31 AM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 11:40 AM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 12:16 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 12:19 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jun 27 2006, 03:41 PM
maddy29   Survivor's Space   Jul 6 2006, 01:19 PM
hummingbird   Survivor's Space   Jul 6 2006, 01:37 PM
ananke   Survivor's Space   Jul 7 2006, 01:39 AM
cstars124   [font=Comic Sans Ms]I just have a question for eve...   Jul 11 2006, 10:44 AM
ananke   My rape was very similar. He didn't say it was...   Jul 13 2006, 02:05 AM
maddy29   yep that's rape. he raped you. no two ways ab...   Jul 26 2006, 08:25 AM
cstars124   I'm sorry maddy. :( Is there any type of hypn...   Jul 26 2006, 09:57 AM
maddy29   um, you were in shock? that's why you didn...   Jul 26 2006, 10:06 AM
cstars124   We were in an argument at his apartment and for so...   Jul 26 2006, 10:28 AM
pixiedust   I personally think it is harder to be raped or abu...   Jul 26 2006, 10:35 AM
maddy29   also, friends that don't believe you aren...   Jul 26 2006, 10:56 AM
cstars124   I don't think it's a crazy idea. I've ...   Jul 26 2006, 11:09 AM
maddy29   now i've got myself all riled up. i happened ...   Jul 26 2006, 02:09 PM
erinjane   cstars, I deal a lot with the 'why didn't ...   Jul 26 2006, 02:28 PM
maddy29   such a great point EJ! although i imagine a l...   Jul 26 2006, 04:22 PM
pixiedust   Don't ever think yourself crazy maddy. I have...   Jul 26 2006, 04:33 PM
maddy29   thanks pixie :) it's true, i was like 7 when ...   Jul 27 2006, 08:31 AM
kittenb   A few weeks ago I was speaking in front of several...   Jul 31 2006, 07:31 AM
maddy29   Ok kittenb, i'll mention it-FMSF :) Yep, I ch...   Jul 31 2006, 09:19 AM
kittenb   The DNA backlog is still a problem. The funding ju...   Jul 31 2006, 09:40 AM
gumby_cc   Sorry to just jump in. I'm a long time lurker ...   Aug 1 2006, 09:28 PM
maddy29   oh gumby, i'm SO sorry. that's totally su...   Aug 2 2006, 09:57 AM
kittenb   gumby_cc that's a horrible position to be put ...   Aug 2 2006, 11:20 AM
gumby_cc   maddy, i can't even imagine standing in front ...   Aug 2 2006, 06:59 PM
ananke   A very very eeerily similar thing happened to me. ...   Aug 3 2006, 04:16 AM
maddy29   yeah, the truth is, you're right to be afraid ...   Aug 3 2006, 07:10 AM
cstars124   gumby, I was raped by someone i was dating too. An...   Aug 3 2006, 08:17 AM
maddy29   it's interesting how many of us were hurt by p...   Aug 3 2006, 08:27 AM
cstars124   hey maddy, did you ever go to the police or anythi...   Aug 3 2006, 09:42 AM
maddy29   there's a statue of limitations, for people wi...   Aug 3 2006, 11:37 AM
kittenb   Having worked at an HMO for 18 months, I can say r...   Aug 3 2006, 11:50 AM
cstars124   I'm sorry. Unfortunately, I think there's ...   Aug 3 2006, 11:51 AM
maddy29   yeah, i mean i'm supposed to sit there in cour...   Aug 3 2006, 12:13 PM
gumby_cc   haaha, well, my other therapist thinks I have PTSD...   Aug 4 2006, 04:15 AM
cstars124   I have a question for everybody. Has anyone actua...   Aug 4 2006, 06:31 AM
maddy29   verbally? yikes, that's fucking scary. i did ...   Aug 4 2006, 08:11 AM
cstars124   I don't think you're a crazy big liar, mad...   Aug 4 2006, 08:53 AM
maddy29   oh my god cstars. ok, i have a MUCH better underst...   Aug 4 2006, 01:50 PM
cstars124   Well, i'm sure if I told my parents, they woul...   Aug 4 2006, 02:42 PM
maddy29   cstars-how old are you? that sucks that your sist...   Aug 4 2006, 04:05 PM
cstars124   I'm 22. My parents would definitely help me ...   Aug 4 2006, 05:32 PM
maddy29   yeah, i kinda know what you mean. if you put it ou...   Aug 4 2006, 07:31 PM
erinjane   I've never confronted my rapist verbally eithe...   Aug 4 2006, 09:29 PM
gumby_cc   Maddy, I can't imagine how difficult it must h...   Aug 6 2006, 05:49 AM
treehugger   Hi. So I'm just popping in. Maybe to introdu...   Aug 6 2006, 05:09 PM
kittenb   Welcome, treehugger! Thanks for the mojitos. ...   Aug 7 2006, 08:46 AM
ananke   I have been insanely furious this week. Just const...   Aug 8 2006, 02:00 AM
datagirl   For the umpteenth time I am so grateful for this t...   Aug 8 2006, 08:43 PM
catwomyn   Oh man. That is so sad what happened to your famil...   Aug 9 2006, 09:42 AM
treehugger   I hope Treehugger is still here too, and feels l...   Aug 15 2006, 03:10 PM
datagirl   Thankyou Catwomyn, Hugs to all survivers here. ...   Aug 9 2006, 06:07 PM
kittenb   At the risk of sounding melodramatic, realizing th...   Aug 10 2006, 12:09 PM
datagirl   I have no idea how myself or any of the other surv...   Aug 10 2006, 05:36 PM
maddy29   omg datagirl-i've been on vacation for the wee...   Aug 15 2006, 12:51 PM
maddy29   hey datagirl-how are you holding up? just checki...   Aug 23 2006, 11:55 AM
ananke   BREAK THROUGH! For the first time since I was...   Aug 25 2006, 01:59 AM
cstars124   Yay, ananke! That's awesome. Congrats...   Aug 25 2006, 06:49 AM
kittenb   cstars124 - at the risk of sounded like a cliched ...   Aug 25 2006, 09:58 PM
hummingbird   I have come to accept that a lot of my feelings do...   Aug 27 2006, 05:19 AM
erinjane   I'm feeling really angry lately. I just did m...   Aug 27 2006, 09:41 PM
maddy29   wtf? forgive him? why? maybe if he changes his lif...   Aug 28 2006, 11:16 AM
erinjane   I know. On other message boards I've seen peo...   Aug 28 2006, 02:21 PM
datagirl   Hugs to all survivors(((()))))) I've been her...   Aug 28 2006, 08:36 PM
maddy29   erinjane, that makes me feel so sad. all of us ar...   Aug 29 2006, 08:58 AM
hummingbird   erinjane, I go through periods where I am so ragef...   Aug 30 2006, 07:43 AM
erinjane   I love this thread. :) Just wanted to say though,...   Aug 30 2006, 09:46 AM
deschatsrouge   delurk: My rape counselor never told me to forgiv...   Aug 30 2006, 10:25 AM
kittenb   maddy - reporting times will depend on the statute...   Sep 3 2006, 12:44 AM
kittenb   I repeat, my anger is the ONE thing that I get to ...   Sep 3 2006, 11:48 AM
erinjane   Could someone tell me how to ignore? I haven...   Sep 3 2006, 12:40 PM
kittenb   I WANT TO BE ABLE TO IGNORE CERTAIN POSTERS You ca...   Sep 3 2006, 12:51 PM
kittenb   Okay, it really does work, although I still get no...   Sep 3 2006, 12:54 PM
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