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> Who's Up for Going Down? The Oral Sex Thread
theredhead
post Jul 22 2006, 12:19 PM
Post #401


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From: Chicago


hi, tes! *waves*

I always figured the consistency part of semen is influenced mostly by hydration (ie the more water he drinks, the more "transparent" it'll be). Sort of like (pardon the comparison) urine -- the more water you drink, the less cloudy and yellow it is.
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tesao
post Jul 22 2006, 05:00 AM
Post #402


olha, que coisa mais linda.....
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ooooooooo, maimstress! being given directions/orders to do ANYTHING during sex is soooooooooooo GOOD. tongue.gif

a tip for deep throating and a question:

TIP
1. lie on the bed (or a sofa or whatever) with your head hanging over the edge, neck bent, face up. ideally, this puts you at his crotch level. open your mouth. he can put his cock in and fuck your mouth without your having to do much of anything. i couldn't believe it the first time we tried it. and what an incredible view. oooooooooooo. *drips*

QUESTION
2. ok, we all know that drinking pineapple juice/eating pineapple makes your cum taste sweeter. anyone out there know anything that can make it change appearance? i really love white, creamy looking, thicker cum. sometimes it is more transparent. sometimes i swallow all of it without seeing it at all, (or it winds up somewhere else) but when i give head until he is just about to cum and then he pulls out and cums ON me, i prefer thicker, more visible cum. (esp if we are taking pictures) does anyone know how to do this??

muito thank you!!!
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maimy
post Jun 24 2006, 10:58 AM
Post #403


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From: Does it matter? This'll only be dingo'd again


Oh, directions DURING it - yeeessssssssss. Mmm! For me, that's not even being bossed around. But I can definitely say that two of the sexiest words I ever heard in my life were "lick it" (the "it" in question was being placed in prime licking position at just the right moment) ...

Communication can be sooo very good.
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pepper
post Jun 23 2006, 07:31 PM
Post #404







i have found that i learned a lot about what a partner likes by kneeling with my back against a wall with him standing in front of me. that way he can have at it and i'm fairly immobile but get to observe his rythym and such. that or lying down while he pretty much fucks my face. it's hard not to get an idea of what he wants it to feel like in that position.
the best thing though is as Maimy says, talking about it and asking him to just out and tell you. i love instructions while we're in the middle of it. not only does it help me do what he likes, it turns me on no end to be bossed around like that. not everybody's bag, i know, but it works for me and then some.
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maimy
post Jun 23 2006, 06:17 PM
Post #405


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From: Does it matter? This'll only be dingo'd again


It would be impossible to offer just the right magic tip here without talking to MisterMy; have you done this? Does he know how frustrating it is for you not to be able to get him off this way? And do you know for certain he actually wants to come this way? Some guys do not - perhaps because they prefer other forms of sex for blowing their load, perhaps because a former girlfriend wouldn't swallow and they had to or preferred to control it, perhaps because their own masturbatory practices have habituated them to other kinds of stimulation, and you aren't including whatever gets him off.

But different things get us all off. There is NO single act in the world that can guarantee you will get MisterMy off, except the one HE alone can tell you. Some guys like a bit of anal fingering or other stimulation. Some like what may seem like rough treatment. Some like slow sensuality. Some like messy, wet, passionate sucking.

MOST men like variety - use your hands and your hair and your breath and your breasts. Kiss and lick and stop at exquisite moments, and swallow him whole at others.

MANY men like overt eroticism. Look him dead in the eye, talk dirty, acknowledge how nasty you are being, worship his cock with your attentions AND your breath, words, responses.

But, before any of this, you're going to have to talk with him. Find out what's "in the way" so to speak ... that's the only possible path to, ah, blowing past the obstacle.

Heh. Sorry.
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hummingbird
post Jun 23 2006, 04:32 PM
Post #406


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yes, please, same issue. tips are welcome for myohmy.
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hummingbird
post Jun 23 2006, 04:32 PM
Post #407


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yes, please, same issue. tips are welcome for myohmy.
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myohmy
post Jun 23 2006, 04:03 PM
Post #408







I have the same situation as Raskel. Sex with my bf is great. I orgasm/cum very quick during intercourse and love it when he goes down on me.

But when i am sucking his dick, i am sucking constantly for 20-30mins on end, taking short breather breaks. But he doesn't ejaculate. Its been like this since we started dating. I give it to him while he drives, when we find a dark empty street mainly during bed and the bastard just doesn't cum.

I get frustrated and at times it turns me off from doing it anymore because he doesn't cum and I want him to. He said that he loves it and wants to cum whenever he feels his penis enters my mouth. He loves recieving it from me without question.

I really need help with technique to make my man cum when sucking him off. How do you girls make your man cum? Do you go at slow pace then speed it up or just suck violently .... I don't know. I really want him to blow. It would satisfy me more than him belive it or not. Please help me

thanks in advance
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maimy
post Jun 8 2006, 04:20 PM
Post #409


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From: Does it matter? This'll only be dingo'd again


(Bklyn, yep, that was me.)

I have nothing of use to add to this very nice conversation. My apologies! :-)
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venetia
post Jun 7 2006, 07:44 PM
Post #410


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I agree with Peterbilt; it's not so much about what your partner "should" do, but whether or not you ideally should have this person as your partner, given what they do do.

To me it's the same no matter what the genders are. In fact I always outline what I don't like in bed at the very beginning of a relationship, to give the person a fair chance of getting out of it. I'm not saying we should all be as crass and tasteless as moi, but it seems to me that it is realistic to negotiate these things.

My idea of oral is some sort of thing to do to "warm up" genitals (male or female), not a sex act in itself, so people who need to go the whole way with that shouldn't date me.
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pepper
post Jun 7 2006, 07:28 PM
Post #411







ok maimy, i'll take your word on georg-a-gator.

while i certainly don't *need* my lover to go down on me i DO need to feel sexually desirable to him, that he enjoys my body and is turned on by it and by turning me on. if a partner doesn't want to give me pleasure in a way that doesn't directly gratify him at the same time, well... it's a little self serving, no? i don't get anything out of giving him head other than the satisfaction of blowing his mind and that is a huge turn on for me. i do expect my partner to feel the same way about pleasuring me. if that isn't realistic for him i can either change my mind about what i need or move on. personally, i'd move on. i think it's indicative of a general attitude.

now, if this partner of yours is just unsure about how to proceed but otherwise interested in learning how i'd say there's great potential there. perhaps he tried in the past and didn't get a favourable response and it's kept him from wanting to try again. who knows what his story is. if he wants to try it with you, if there's interest there and you're willing to give him a guided tour Go For It! you just might show each other the time of your lives.

as for how this conversation would go if the genders were reversed.. i know that i require WAY more stimulation (in general) than any man i've ever been with so i'd say that, yes, i DO need foreplay to get going while he may not. that may be sexist but oh well, in my case it's true. a blow job (or equivalent) is mostly icing on the sex cake for a man but a key ingredient for a woman.
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bklynhermit
post Jun 7 2006, 07:08 PM
Post #412


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From: Brooklyn, NY


eh, maimy, no worries. i'm not even sure i remember when/where that happened... i do remember somebody mispelling my name a few days back, but they(you?) misspelled it interestingly, so all was right with the world. i think it was 'blyken'? i laughed my head off and moved on. no hard feelings.
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peterbilt
post Jun 7 2006, 06:40 PM
Post #413


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I'm glad to hear some other points of view in here. And I agree that nobody should be doing anything where they feel they're doing it out of duty, obligation, or anything other than the mutual enjoyment of secks.

If it's important to you, maybe you can grow into it with good communication. If you can't work it out, I guess you know how to weigh how it figures in your relationship.

I spoke in fairly black & white shorthand earlier because personally, I really enjoy head, getting and giving. If someone doesn't enjoy giving, I find that conversely, they have a hard time enjoying getting it from me. To me, head is an important form of intimacy and comfort with your partner. Besides that it's just the hott.

So for me, it's not so much a matter of the basic level of service you should expect when you enter the restaurant. Everybody's entitled to their own sexual tastes. It's just that it's important for my sexual compatibility to be with partners who share an enthusiasm for oral. I find it colors the rest of the relationship, and vice versa.
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maimy
post Jun 7 2006, 06:31 PM
Post #414


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From: Does it matter? This'll only be dingo'd again


Octinoxate, I did leave the caveat in there that for me oral isn't so much the point. Stormin's post had me under the impression it IS that important to her, so that was the issue I meant to address.

As it happens, I do know of a woman who won't go down on a guy. I find that pretty selfish, considering I know her to be happy to be on the receiving end. On her part, it's something of an "ick" factor, which she's never attempted to get past. Frankly, that's immature to my thinking (and she's past 40 and otherwise widely-enough experienced with life and people).

BklynHermit's example is the standard I would expect of someone who cares about a sexual relationship - it goes to the enthusiasm you mention! (As an aside, I owe Bklyn an apology; I misspelled your name several days back somewhere - something I find highly disrepsectful; so I am sorry, Bklyn!)

If oral isn't someone's "coin of the realm", then it can certainly be taken off the table, obviously. But maybe another act IS important - so that can become a standard issue deal-breaker. For me, kissing has been a deal-breaker. For some, anal might be. It's not the specific act (though oral is so common, that's Dan Savage's reasonable-enough reference point) - the bottom line boils down to reciprocity ... and enthusiasm, yes!
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bklynhermit
post Jun 7 2006, 06:03 PM
Post #415


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From: Brooklyn, NY


i'm generally pretty repulsed by dick and sucking it, as an abstract notion. but when i'm with a guy, and i'm otherwise attracted to him, and i want him to be happy and come his head off, suddenly my distaste for dick isn't so much an issue.

so i don't get it vice versa. i mean, if you really are into my body, and you really want me to get off, you will at least contemplate the notion of going down on me. maybe i will let you off the hook. i have to say that a lack of oral is not an all out deal breaker for me. if the guy seems otherwise not a douchebag we will work something out. but again, my lack of interest in having your penis in my mouth isn't getting in the way of your incredible orgasms, so why should your lack of interest in getting up close and personal with my girlie bits get in the way of mine?
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_octinoxate
post Jun 7 2006, 05:36 PM
Post #416


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Though I respect and agree with a lot of the opinions y'all have given, I've got a dissenting perspective to offer.

I love cunnilingus, but a big part (maybe even a majority?) of the pleasure comes from the giver's enthusiasm. If I had to convince or negotiate to get my partner down there, it would take a lot of the fun out of oral. So then, if I don't want to talk him into it, and my partner doesn't jump to get to it on his own, that leaves two options: 1. break up, or 2. go without oral sex. If everything else is great with the guy, and he can satisfy me sexually in other ways, I'd probably just opt to go without oral sex... especially if it's a comfort issue on his end, not a juvenile "vaginas are gross" attitude. I agree with maimy's statement that "the name of the game is meeting each others' needs". The question is, for you personally, is oral sex a *need*? (Maybe it is. I'm just saying for me, it probably isn't.)

Also, I can understand being in his shoes and not being totally comfortable with giving oral sex. And I wouldn't want to be in a sexual relationship in which either I or my partner were doing anything we weren't completely comfortable with. I would hope that any boyfriend I'd have wouldn't dump me if I weren't going down on him. (And I wonder how peoples' input on stormin's post might change if the genders were reversed, and her boyfriend wanted her to go down on him though she wasn't comfortable with it. Would we say that she should just get over him, because he can and should justifiably dump her for it?)
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maimy
post Jun 7 2006, 05:19 PM
Post #417


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From: Does it matter? This'll only be dingo'd again


Pepper, love - George isn't being a jerk. That was a joke, and I took it as such. Dan is homosexual, so, no, I'd say his firsthand experience with cunnilingus is pretty close to nil (fellatio, on the other hand ...).

That said, the advice stands. And I say that as someone for whom (well, until kog3100 came along) oral isn't the be-all by a fairly long shot. Even if it's not something you "need", any restriction is bad news, and outright refusal of something you know your partner wants is just unacceptable.

Stormin, if this guy is so marvelous - and if it's only been a month - then try to work it out, try to communicate. But you know your standards, and his excuses seeming valid don't change your actual needs. The name of the game is MEETING each other's needs. If he CAN'T, that'd be one thing. If he WON'T ... well, you know what Dan says. Seems most of us agree.


Never being compelled by someone else's demand? No problem. But never being compelled by someone else's NEED (especially when they are meeting yours)? No dice.

Good luck with this, and keep us posted.
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storminmad
post Jun 7 2006, 10:19 AM
Post #418


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I was afraid you all were going to say that because, honestly, had someone asked me the same question a month ago I would have been all about saying DTMFA. I've said a million times in the past that going down is a non-negotiable, but now that I am in the situation I am at a complete loss because besides this ONE (hugely important, crucial) thing, the guy is marvelous.

A little more detail: when I talked to him about it--which was when we first started seeing one another--he said he had never done it because he's never "felt comfortable enough to." I specifically asked then if that was because he thought the pussy was gross to which he responded that no, he did not. He just has never felt compelled. He has mentioned his Catholic guilt in relation to his feelings about sex before and I wonder if it's that too.

Also, I have herpes. He mentioned something about that too, even though he has never been scared of having intercourse because of it and so I think it may be just another excuse. I dunno *sigh*--I am at such a loss. And geez, I think I'd rather him not do it at all than do it for 21 seconds and be all grossed out.
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p_176
post Jun 6 2006, 08:39 PM
Post #419


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pepper and zoya - i totally agree. oral is a part of your sex life, and if the guy is not into it (or vice versa) that's a sign that it's not going to work out.
i dated a guy who did not like going down - but yet he'd have sex whilst i was on my cycle - his reasoning was that his penis was for 'gross things' like sex and peeing and coming....but his mouth....welll...no.
yeah, we broke up immediately after. but to repeat what you wrote - yes it's emotionally hard. it's how you SMELL. it's important that your partner enjoy your scent, and relish in it.
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zoya
post Jun 6 2006, 07:51 PM
Post #420


uh huh.
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I will chime in on the "deal breaker." I love oral so much (and I like to give as much as I like to receive... but baby, I'd better be receivin') if it is not a big part of the sexual repertoire, and my partner was not willing to learn to excel at it, I would seriously have to re-think where we were going. It is that important to me.

I hope that isn't really shallow, but seriously, it is a total deal breaker for me.
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