[mandolyn]

(((letterwriters))) ...
especially (((keenkitty))).

dear bad mandi,
you know what you have to do.
just do it.

stop falling back on the old familiar excuses. i'm lazy. i'm a born procrastinator. yada yada yada. stop perpetuating the self-defeat. end the self-sabotage cycle.

just.do.it.
love, good mandi xoxo

[flamingtwist]

Dear L/vesicapisces
I recently came across your post of 12/27/2005 regarding me. You have it as a letter you would never send, however by posting it in public, you *did* in effect send it by putting it out there in the Universe for any and all to read. As I have already indicated to you privately, I respect your right to make whatever decisions are healthy for you. I have no problems speaking my truth to you publicly- it’s an advantage of being willing to speak to you what I would say about you.
You state that you have seen how I respond to criticism, and that you perceive it as vicious. I have sought feedback about this from those with whom I have had significant conflict, and have been informed that while I’m not always gracious under fire, my behavior could hardly be typified as “vicious”, or intentionally harmful. Setting boundaries, and being willing to stand by them is not a vicious act. To the best of my knowledge, I have never treated you with any type of cruelty or viciousness, and I have no idea from what you are drawing this conclusion or what behavior you consider especially vicious; but it is your right to hold what opinions you will. As I remarked to you in my letter in January, it is my experience that I actively sought critical feedback from you and made it clear on more than one occasion that while I did not always agree with your position, and might make a different choice that what you suggested, I valued your input, even when you had something to say that was not pleasant to hear.
You state that you cannot stand by and watch me learn nothing from my experience, nor can you endorse my behavior by your silence. As I said to you in January, I did not ask either for your silence or your endorsement. Your choice to be silent about whatever concerns you had was entirely your decision; yet you seem to resent me for not addressing concerns that you hadn’t expressed to me. In your termination letter to me, you indicate that you were a “poor friend” to me because you didn’t express the concerns, yet rather than accepting the challenge of being a better friend in the future (which would require you take responsibility for your choices); you chose to bail on the relationship and shift the blame for your position to me; acting from fear rather than love. I have been learning from my experiences, although it is unlikely that you would be aware of either what I’ve learned or how I’ve been changing, because out of respect for your stated limits of non-involvement in certain matters; I was not discussing them with you.
You state that you don’t respect me any more and that you don’t like how I am in the world. I accept that you hold that position, but I would note that it seems inconsistent with other statements you have made about how I am a good person, and that you were thankful to have chosen family (me and Kevin) who truly “got” where you were coming from (and that statement was made in November 2005 at anti-turkey day).
You state that I have no room in my philosophy for humanity, my own or anyone else’s’. You are correct if by that, you mean that I don’t accept the argument that “I’m only human,” as an acceptable excuse for justifying crappy behavior (either mine or another’s). Again, I find it ironic that you would avoid responsibility for your own behavior that damaged our friendship, or excuse the toxic behavior of others towards me as being justifiably “human” and expect me to take it and accept it as somehow my due without complaint; yet when I set boundaries or refuse to re-engage in a relationship with someone because of their direct poor treatment of me and their disrespect of my person, you choose to perceive me as “alienating” them and inhuman.
You state I “let my partner work multiple jobs.” With all due regard my dear, the arrangements my partner and I make are our business, not yours. We have a cooperative marriage, whatever issues we need to address we do so. Step off. You state I wouldn’t take a telemarketing job; obviously you are forgetting the ones I applied for. Step off there too. You state that I’m not taking care of my own health. My progress has been slower than I would like, but I am making measurable progress. Granted, my progress might have been quicker with access to a trained physical therapist and therapy equipment, but that was not a feasible option. I’ve done the best I could with the resources I have. I’m neither delusional, nor ignoring my needs. Your time would have been better spent focused on whatever your health needs are rather than judging mine.
I can understand why you would have felt frustrated and like you were wasting your energy if you have been attempting to act in the role of my conscience. With all due respect, the role of my conscience is not one you either have the capacity or the authority to take. It is not for you to define what it means for me to be a “decent” adult, and try to manage me into fulfilling your vision. The process of my growth as an adult is my task, not yours. My success or failure is not yours to determine. I am in the process of creating a powerful, peaceful life, and regardless of how often I have made mistakes, fallen short or fallen down, I will succeed in manifesting my best self.
From my perspective I will always be grateful for the love and affection we did share, for I do not believe love is ever wasted. You were a wonderful part of my life for a very long time, and I loved you deeply. As I have said to you privately, I am about creating and sustaining healthy and nurturing relationships that embody mutual respect, cooperation, accountability, responsibility, integrity and love.
Given that both in your statements above and your behavior to speak hatefully and disrespectfully about me to others, and in public, while actively avoiding any discussion with me about your concerns; it is a good thing, that our relationship is over. I cannot see having a relationship with someone who has no respect for me, for respect is the foundation of all healthy relationships. The most compassionate thing we can do for each other, given your current position, is to not be a part of each others’ lives, so I reclaim from you now all the power of my soul and my heart that I have entrusted to you in the course we journeyed together.
It remains my hope for you that you choose to step more fully into the wholeness that is your birthright, and let go of the fears that keep you silent and that your life overflows with happiness, love and joy.

Peace on your journey

M