[venetia]

Dear "friend"

um, why are you repeatedly compelled to tell weird, pointless lies about me all over the place? Its becoming increasingly frustrating.

Everyone knows you're (supposedly) my friend so they have no reason to suspect that you're putting words into my mouth and making this shit up out of your ass.

As for me, I'm at a complete loss. WHY do you keep doing this? It isn't like I'm not likely to see your blog or T's website or your interview in that magazine you know I subscribe to. Doh.

Either you're deliberately trying to get me into trouble (you've succeeded at least once), or you're subconsciously trying to mess things up for me, or else whenever we have a conversation you actually HALLUCINATE the whole thing? You get so damn defensive about it that it's impossible to tell what the deal is.

In any case, it's disturbing and very off-putting. I'm going to have to watch what I say around you and always bring a witness. Neat.

Your ex-real-friend,

me.

[freckleface2727]

self,
just a dream.
let it go.
no worries about mom, or mr or anything else, bc regardless of your own wishing, it'll work out as it will & nothing you do can change that.


heart/body: I'm going to get you checked out.
first thing monday am calling to get us an appt to hopefully persuade the dr's to put in for at least a few majorish tests, like another ekg & a stress test, and maybe that dye-thingie too?
I know we went thru this already in germany once, and the ekg showed nothing, but I wasn't having heart pains then either and I knew nothing would show up. I don't care what That dr there said, it's Not Normal for a heart to feel like a hand is squeezing it. not just " something your heart does" bc out of everyone else I polled, nobody else's does that and w/ the history of heart disease/stroke etc etc in the family, a good top to bottom will do us good, even if it does just verify it's only stress and we get ways to deal better. yes I am a little scared right now.
today was scary as shit. I wasn't honest w/ the mr about how shitty & weak I was really feeling & hearing mom tell me I needed to go to the er didn't help. it's Probably Just Stress.
that's not er justification. that's Embarrassment. - remember the panic attacks that led to the er at campbell?
breath in
breath out

monday morning.
lovingly,

me

mr:
for all our differences, you know in the best ways I know how, I do love you, and I feel it's probably the same for you w/ me, only sometimes you do better. marriage is damn hard work.
you're going to kick ass monday morning and all the rest that follows. I Believe in you.
and I'm telling you this now (& yes in person some too) bc I need to not be such a caretaker & cheerleader for you right now, bc you've been biting my head off like sybil every other time I blink and I literally cannot do that right now.
I'm here, but cautiously so, you know?

supportive but wisely,
wife

[artemis27]

Dear Too-Many-Men-In-My-Life-For-Me-To-Address-This-To-Any-Particular-One-Of-You:

We do not have a connection. We do not have "free-flowing conversation." We do not have conversation, period.

What YOU have is someone who grew up listening to men blabber and for whom that role is entirely too comfortable. What YOU have is someone who can nod and smile and say the right things and generally tune you out. What YOU have is someone to make you feel less lonely in this world.

What I have is the facade of your attention. That is no longer enough for me to stop in Central Park and "chat" with you every day while you clean your saxophone and stare at my legs; no longer enough for you to corner me in group gatherings while your more-assertive-than-me girlfriend has interesting conversations with interesting people, leaving me to listen to you talk about dog breeds; no longer enough for me to put up with even if you're fantastic in bed.

Now, let's have a conversation. I'll like you more that way.

-Artemis

PS: No more unsolicited comments about my body anymore either. Or hers, or hers, or hers.

[greenbean]

Dear boy across the pond,
Could this be it? Can this be the real deal?
I'm so mad for you and I think you're mad for me,...but this is crazy right? Too fast, right? I need to know if this is real or rubbish! Ugg, if I dont see you soon I will burst.
--the girl across the pond

[hummingbird]

Dear Life,

What gives?

-Me

[girlygirlgag]

Dear Luci,

My Grandma died on New Years, and I am still waiting for a real twinge of emotion, but not the time to time guilt feeling for feeling nothing at all.

Love ya,

GGG

[awkwardg1rl]

Dear Boy,
I'm sorry I had to go home early.
I'm sorry about the door, and for waiting until the last possible second to call you & leave a message.
If you have any conscience, you'll call me right away.
-me

[cstars124]

To whatever higher power there may happen to be in the universe:

Every other facet of my life is going according to plan and thank you so much for that. However, why must everything related to the opposite sex be so difficult for me? Where is the one person who completes me? Why can't I find him? Send him to me please! I'm sick of waiting. Thanks.

[lucizoe]

dear grandma,

so, you died this morning, huh?

*checks something*

nope, still don't feel bad

ciao and all,
kat

[obelix]

Dear cute boy by the window-
How's the espresso? I just got water and a sandwich- I'm trying to go off caffeine, again.

I'm single, y'know, and you're cute. We could hang out a few times, being all nervous, until one of us kissed the other. Then it would lead too quickly to sex. I'd get really attached, but there's no way in hell that I'd let you see how much I cared about you- because I wouldn't trust anything you said to me. I'd complain about you to my friends, but I'd smile to your face and pretend like everything was ok, until I got fed up and left with very little warning.

Right then. I think I should stay single for a few more months. You are cute, though.
-Obelix

R-
Same shit, different year. I do not trust you; I don't trust anybody. You can tell me over and over that you want this to work, that you see how much I mean to you, that you have changed, that you can be who I need, but I only believe you for about five minutes. Unless you can put your hand on my shoulder every five minutes ant reassure me that you still want me here, I don't know how the hell it's supposed to work.
-Obelix

[liberate]

dear lounge,

im writing to say hi and i want to thank you for being around for me to lurk through and be amused by (and sometimes saddened by). i feel like the women (and men) here are my mentors because they go through all these things and share their experiences with me (and the world). im going through a lot right now too so i decided now is the time to share my own story with everyone. cheers!

-l

dear life,

you are in a world of hurt right now. cancer. but i still love you and im going to take the best care of you that i can muster.

chin up,
-l

[sidecar]

dear editor,

please write back. i hate to think i didn't do something well, and i am a total neurotic freak, and i like working with you. just get in touch, please?

-s

[lucizoe]

dear people or person who was banging on the wall of my building steadily for three fucking hours last night between the times of 2 and 5 AM,

WHAT THE FUCK????!?!?!?!?!??!!?!? Seriously. What could have possibly necessitated that? I hope you die. Really. Karma can go fuck itself. I hope you die.

FUCK OFF
-the girl who WILL pour boiling water on your heads tonight if you are back and if she can get a clear shot

[kittenbonanza]

Dear Hair,
Stop looking like dick! Please! I know I've done some nasty things to you in the past, what with frying you with curling irons and bleach, but I'm trying to make it up to you. You've gotta meet me half way, here!

[sassygrrl]

Dad, quit playing good cop/bad cop with mom. And don't freak the fuck out b/c I've had an insanely long weekend that I want to self medicate with a good pint of ben/jerry's. I realize that it's not on "South Beach." Don't get into a fight with me in my local Kroger over it, and call me fat in front of all my friends. Not cool.

[sassygrrl]

Mom, why must you be such an uber mega bitch? For one, my new boyfriend is not 60 he's almost 30. Second, I'm was all bloated this weekend due to period water weight. So, quit bitching about me being on a diet. Third, my idea of a great holiday is not spending two days stuck in a cabin with bad cable in NC. I know it was Dad's birthday, but jesus. Something must royally be up your ass lately. I appreciate the job advice, but you can be such a total bitch.

[ill_cover_you]

Dear Next Boyfriend,

Hey there! I hope I meet you soon! Like, tomorrow. That would be okay with me. Now, let me warn you ahead of time that I work full-time and my schedule is nowhere near predictable, but I promise I will make plenty of time for you!

Here is a brief history of my brief list of ex-boyfriends. The first one I didn't really like, but I'd never had a boyfriend and I was 15, so I accepted when he asked me out -- online. Later, I decided I couldn't go on pretending I liked him, so I dumped him -- online. Lame, I know, but I figured it was justified since he didn't have the balls to ask me out in person, even though we had been friends for at least 8 months beforehand. Anyways, I haven't talked to him for a year or so. The last I heard, he was trying to get this Christian girl who rejected him because he just wasn't Christian enough. He's also on drugs for depression, trying to cut himself for whatever reason and his parents are now getting a divorce.

My latest boyfriend was fantastic. I was really into him, loved seeing him every day and talking to him for hours every night, but he just wasn't ready for a relationship like I was, and we ended up breaking up after a week because he "wasn't over" his ex-girlfriend. I haven't talked to him for about a week, but last I heard he was happy with his new girlfriend, although he's still visiting this one girl he slept with a few months back because he was lonely and she was easy... whatever.

Anyways, that was my dating history. I'm ready for a real relationship that will last longer than three weeks, and an emotionally stable man who doesn't talk excessively about his ex-girlfriends. I am positive that I would make a great girlfriend if given the chance. Since you ARE my next boyfriend, please find me soon.

Love, me

[rantrave88]

dear you,
I like you a lot and it's really hurting me to keep in touch with you but never see you the way it's supposed to be and I'm really frustrated with how we could have been really good regular friends but it never ends up like that and probably never will. So there. I hate run-ons, but I'm using them. Please stop being half there, because I'm one of those girls. I thought you knew that when I started crying that time. I don't enjoy being awkward and lame unless there's a reason for that. YOU put an end to any sort of reason quite some time ago. I don't think it's meant to be that we have any kind of real friendship. What a fucking shame.

love,
me.

dear self,
that was dumb and pointless. I'm tired of telling you to stop it and get over it and do something with your life because clearly, you're not. ever. going. to. I don't know what to do with you anymore.

[zoya]

dear you -

sometimes I wish I'd blocked you first. But I wanted to keep my word that I don't block people. I probably should have blocked you anyway. 'cause now you've blocked me. I've pretty much let you take the reins on everything, including the shit parts. Whatever, go ahead. It's probably better anyway. They say that sometimes life will do for you what you're not willing to do for yourself and I guess that you just took care of that for me.

asswipe
zoya


Dear Mr. HMCHH -

I sent you that message and I am not gonna contact you from now on. So if you wanna call me when you are in town and our dinner plans are still on, that's excellent. But I'm not gonna track you down. That's why I never asked for your number. You've got mine, you can use it. All I wanna do is try to keep in touch, but I'm not gonna push it. So that's that.

don't be a pussy,
zoya


Dear cough -

please please please go away. Please don't get worse and become the crud that is going around. yuck. I don't understand how you can get worse anyway, all I've done is stay around the house for the last few days and lay low. So listen to me and go away!

zoya

[freckleface2727]

mr:
if you're going to be an ass the entire 2+ weeks you are on vacation, it's going to be very long & painful, but not just for Me, bc I will ensure that your life sucks too. payback can be a real bitch and so can I.
I know you're stressed, but you brought that on yourself by what you're looking into. I'm still somewhat pissed you didn't discuss it w/me first, that whole 'consideration thing' I tried to make you understand but , whatever.
I flat out told you, or *tried * to voice my worry over my mom's upcoming tests; she could have CANCER. do have any clue how scary that is to me? ? any at all??
for now I will avoid you like the plague, bc I know w/ the mood you're in, nothing I do will be right or ok.
in advance?
fuck you & the horse you rode in on,
wife