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> A Virgin's Questions
angie_21
post Mar 3 2009, 10:51 AM
Post #1


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From: Alberta


OK so this topic has been quiet for a while but I am new here and have my two cents to put in to it.

I lost mine at 16, which seemed average for people I knew, though many of my friends remained virgins until they married! The first time was, like some of you said, so completely anticlimatic (pun intended?) after all the hype that I was pretty disappointed. I never came with my first 2 boyfriends, but that's because it took me a long time to be comfortable and to to let myself go. It wasn't a great way to lose it, but it also wasn't a bad way. A bad first time, I think, would be drunken or with someone you aren't even physically attracted to.

I do get jealous when I've talked with my bf and he says his frist time was awesome, because everything was so new and different and taboo. It's a lot easier for guys that way, though - they're almost guaranteed an orgasm the first time they have sex, dammit! But my feeling is, if I had waited for the "right guy" then I would have waited another 6 years to have any sex at all. Although I had sex with a couple guys I really would like to forget, the bonus was that for my first time with my current bf, it was perfect because we both knew exactly what we were doing, what we wanted, and how to get there! So I did get a perfect "first time," it just wasn't my first time ever.

I'm not endorsing "getting it over with." But I I really think that losing virginity is a pretty overrated event, and we shouldn't put so much pressure on ourselves about it. If you're lucky it will be fun and great, but if not, there's always the next time.. and the next time.. and the time after that.. and so on!
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lopie313
post Feb 4 2009, 03:14 PM
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QUOTE(hejizzd @ Jan 2 2009, 09:29 PM) *
Amen to that. What the hell? I feel like a little girl compared to all these virgins!my only question is whether any of you think there are any bad ways to lose your virginity. Does it feel awful to do it with someone you don't love or is my idealism just due to my naivete and young age?


To answer your question yes there are bad ways to loose your verginity. and no your idealism is the same as a lot of girls and woman of many different ages.

Losing ones virginity is something very emotional. One should think about who they are going to give it to. To just do it with just anyone would be very straining on one's emotions and you might regret it later on in your life, when you do find that special someone. If one does decide to just to lose it for the sake of just losing it then they should think and plan it so that they wont regret it. Getting hammered and having a one night stand is the wrong way to do it.

I lost my virginity at a young age to someone i "thought" i loved. After that relationship i did not have sex for 3 years. It takes a lot for me to want to have sex with someone because i was so young and did not have a clue about my sexuality at the time. I'm now 22 and still have some time with my own boyfriend of 3 years about having sex.

Don't get me wrong i love sex lol! i just don't like to have it as much as he does or as much as other friends of mine.


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culturehandy
post Feb 2 2009, 02:32 PM
Post #3


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Hey Nadia, CH loves you...NOT!



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Nadia
post Feb 2 2009, 01:19 PM
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Interesting.


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ketto
post Jan 5 2009, 07:22 PM
Post #5


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From: Winter Land


A great resource for me when I needed advice like this was from the site Tommy linked to, scarleteen.com. I even still use it occasionally. smile.gif


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starship
post Jan 5 2009, 06:51 PM
Post #6


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after reading your posts i think i now have a spit complex too. ew
is it unusual that i dont like the idea of a guy using spit but have never thought twice about using my own when alone

this thread is great. you ladies all have so much wisdom and it's way more practical than all the cliches that are re-churned in teen magazines etc. i never had advice like this when i needed it a few years ago
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auralpoison
post Jan 5 2009, 02:32 AM
Post #7


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I'm just gonna lay it out. I knew a gal that was recreationally blowing a guy. They decided to have sex. She had the yeasties, she gave it to him, she gave it to herself back as thrush again & again. Cunt to cock to mouth, mouth to cock to cunt. This is why spit worries me. I know it's irrational, but ick.


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tommynomad
post Jan 4 2009, 07:52 PM
Post #8


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From: Auckland, ANZ!


To each their own. Especially if saliva has negative connotations. Shenomad and I like some lubes, not others, but saliva's free and works for us.
I'll also say that spitting on someone and putting spit somewhere have wildly different connotations and cultural baggage.

Finally, if any of the younger members of the discussion are looking for peers as well as mentors, http://www.scarleteen.com is a great place to go.


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"If I help women to have babies when they can give them love and affection, [those babies] will not grow up to be rapists or murderers.
They will not build concentration camps."
--Dr. Henry Morgentaler
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auralpoison
post Jan 4 2009, 04:58 PM
Post #9


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If somebody spit on me, I'd fucking slap him. I buy lube for a reason & I carry it in my purse for the impromptu. Spit is just NOT good lube. Yeah, it's raw & in the moment, but it makes my girl junk raw in the aftermath. And it reminds me of . . . unpleasant things. NO SPIT for AP.


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zoya
post Jan 4 2009, 04:02 PM
Post #10


uh huh.
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I agree with what everyone has said here - I think also that one reason people say to wait until you're ready, is that sex can bring up all sorts of emotional issues that you may not be ready for - well, if you're not ready. I think that for most of us girls, sex does equate some level of emotional attachment, and it's good to be in a place personally where you know that either you DO have that emotional attachment established with a partner first, or that you are able to deal with not getting emotionally attached if you are choosing to just go for it.

I didn't lose my virginity until I was nearly 19, it was with a recently ex boyfriend who I had always wished I'd just gone for it with. I ran into him one day on campus and he asked if I wanted to go hang out with him at the house he was house sitting at that weekend, and I knew I was just going to go with him and go for it. He was the same age as me, but way more experienced, and at that point, I knew we weren't going to get back together, but I just wanted to get having sex for the first time over with, already. I very much chose for myself when I wanted to do it. He was great at guiding me through it, although I do remember feeling a lot more attached to him afterwards than I expected to. At the time, I really wasn't completely aware of the concept that guys can separate sex and feelings for someone a lot more easily than we can, and I wasn't particularly ready for the new attachment I ended up feeling for him.

It would have been great if I had some sort of woman as a mentor, or a place like the lounge to learn about this stuff from. I think I would have been a lot more aware of those emotions that can come up and would have been able to deal with it better, or I may have just chosen to wait a bit. As it was, he and I fucked a few more times, then I didn't have sex again for nearly 18 months, until I met my college boyfriend, who I went out with for nearly 2 years. By that time, I'd figured out that I do need to have some sort of interest from someone in more than just sex (even if it ends up not going anywhere) if I'm going to get intimate with them on a regular basis.

anyway, just my story and another bit of insight as to what sex can bring up for people. I think that all of you who are virgins, or new to having sex, are really lucky to be able to get insight from some amazing women who have been around the block a time or two (or ten...) and know wherof they speak!

anyway,
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kittenb
post Jan 4 2009, 01:41 PM
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QUOTE
...but I do get hot & bothered whenever I smell Listerine


HAhaha! Thanks for that polly. laugh.gif

There are some wonderful points being made here about how the first time a person chooses to have sex you are not loosing anything. Your viginity is yours to share with whomever you choose whenever you choose.

As for the question of lube vs. spit, well I have a total complex about spit used as lube. Such a complex that I am actually going to use spoiler tags so as not to spread my issue with other people who might also be highly suceptable to things they read. Thanks to my job, I have read too many stories about fathers using spit as lube when raping their daughters. Seriously, one story was enough, and I have read several. I tried not to let it get to me but when The geek used spit it just took me totally out of the moment. As this is my relationship to get what I want sexually I finally had to speak up and just tell him that that brings up to many work-issues for me. We now keep a good-sized bottle of lube on the bed table. Problem solved.


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auralpoison
post Jan 4 2009, 12:17 PM
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Dude. You DON'T wanna get sand in your nether regions. Not good.

I can only agree with what has been said. *Gain* your sex life when you're ready. You'll know when the time comes.

I think a LOT of drama comes with the concept of "losing" it. You aren't losing anything, you're opening a new chapter of your life. We put so much weight on it as women because we're taught that our maidenhead is something sacred & what not in the Judeo-Christian sense. Realize that this goes back to when women were little more than chattel & what man wants to support progeny not his own? To me, the concept is antiquated. You OWN your shit, nobody else does. When you choose to put it out there, it's YOUR choice. When YOU want to have sex, have at it.

JUST PLAY SAFE!

I find the whole abstinence-based education thing to be such bullshit. When I was sixteen, people were getting it on like wildfire even if they were good Xtian girls. Sex is normal & natural, you just can't afford to be ignant about it. EDUCATE YOURSELF. Know about condoms, dental dams, the various forms of contraception.

Guys will tell all kinds of lies to get at your business. I had one girlfriend that was told that "He fell out of a tree". He didn't say it was on his nuts, but she was so hormone driven, she bought it. Another thought that gravity was involved & if they did it standing up, she couldn't get pregnant. "I'll pull out" is another popular myth. Even a little bit of swimmin' semen can make it's way up.



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candycane_girl
post Jan 4 2009, 10:40 AM
Post #13


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I think it can only be bad to lose it if you don't truly feel ready and just feel pressured. Also I've heard some bad stories about people losing it on the beach. I was 15 when I lost my virginity and even though that may sound young I felt completely ready when it happened. I'm glad that I can look back on that night with absolutely no regrets.
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LilPinkElectricC...
post Jan 3 2009, 07:03 PM
Post #14


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From: Colorado/Wisconsin


QUOTE(hejizzd @ Jan 2 2009, 10:29 PM) *
Amen to that. What the hell? I feel like a little girl compared to all these virgins!my only question is whether any of you think there are any bad ways to lose your virginity. Does it feel awful to do it with somone you don't love or is my idealism just due to my naivete and young age?


The only way it could be bad is if you don't feel comfortable and totally ready. I'm 18 and only slept with a guy for the first time a few months ago. We don't love each other, but it was good for me because I wanted to have sex. I guess that's the key, to have sex when YOU are ready and want to not because of what your partner or others may think.


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tommynomad
post Jan 3 2009, 03:21 PM
Post #15


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From: Auckland, ANZ!


deschat is 100% correct. the only thing I'd add is to drop the mentality that you're "losing" anything. You're gaining.


--------------------
"If I help women to have babies when they can give them love and affection, [those babies] will not grow up to be rapists or murderers.
They will not build concentration camps."
--Dr. Henry Morgentaler
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neurotic.nelly
post Jan 3 2009, 03:04 PM
Post #16


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deschat, i think that's really good advice. I second it!


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ketto
post Jan 3 2009, 12:54 PM
Post #17


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hejizzd, you can't really say if there's a bad way to lose your virginity unless you're talking about yourself. If you feel that it's important to you to wait until you're in a loving and committed relationship, than you should. For some of us that wasn't an important factor. Basically, do what feels right for yourself - not what feels right for your friends, family, or partner.


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deschatsrouge
post Jan 3 2009, 02:20 AM
Post #18


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HJ, don't lose it in a car. Lose it in a very large bed, preferably a king sized. Don't lose it with out lube and a LOT of forplay. When I say a lot, I mean he should be bordering on blue balls. Don't lose it because he wants to, lose it because you want to, I mean really want to. If this applies, you need not lose it with a guy. If you want to, you can lose it with a girl. It feels better and safer with some one you know and trust.


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"Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live." -Exodus 22:18
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hejizzd
post Jan 3 2009, 12:29 AM
Post #19


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From: brooklyn,ny


Amen to that. What the hell? I feel like a little girl compared to all these virgins!my only question is whether any of you think there are any bad ways to lose your virginity. Does it feel awful to do it with somone you don't love or is my idealism just due to my naivete and young age?


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dayglowpink
post Dec 13 2008, 10:23 PM
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Ha ha! I thought that might be a little extreme for you guys. I don't think he's literally coughing and hacking up a lung. He probably meant more like the back of the throat kinda spit that's slipperier. I get that kind in my mouth when I take his dick way back into my throat. It makes a much better lube than regular spit.
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