[lawyergirl]

hey, p176,
sweet girlie,
i cannot even begin to tell you how very many girlfriends i have, that have struggled with the hpv thing, just like you.....hon, do not worry.......get into your gyno, and get treatment. (it is curable!) most girls i know, got treatment 1 time, and were, of course, more careful in the future, and they never had the hpv appear again.
you are not doomed my babydoll.......
much, much love to you, sweetie xoxoxoxoxox

[starpiste]

I was doing well until yesterday when something tiny and otherwise insignificant brought me down. Now I feel like crap.

How's everyone else doing?

[lucizoe]

(((p_176)))

I wish I had something more concrete to offer you...but I read what you wrote in the HPV thread and then I saw you here and your hurt is almost palpable. Unfortunately, I have no advice at all, just hugs...

(((p_176))) I hope you feel better soon

[deirs]

thanks for the advice busties, I definitely need to talk to my doctor about it. Paxil is the only thing I've been on, so maybe it's jjust not the right one for me. It is definitely a different tiredness than the depression tiredness though, like you mentioned candycane_girl.

Also think I should get tested for anemia, that may be part of the problem too. I'll mention both to my doctor, and see what she says.

[candycane_girl]

deirs, you should talk to your doctor or a pharmacist about your lack of energy. I've been on Paxil (20mg) for about a month now and the first thing I noticed was that I would have major spikes and then lows of energy. It's gotten a bit more normal but there are definitely some days where I just feel worn out. But the one thing that I appreciate is that at least now when I'm tired it feels like genuine tiredness, not the tired feeling that comes from being depressed. Do you ladies know what I mean?

starpiste, I think it was a smart idea for you not to make any plans for this weekend. Last weekend I had an incredibly tough session with my psychologits. I mean, it was really helpful but I had my session on a Saturday and felt completely drained all the way until Monday.

light_bright, as others said, I don't think there's one concrete cause of my depression. I know that one part of it is the fact that my dad is an alcoholic and that has had a huge effect on me. Also, I've only dealt with depression on and off for the last 9 years. Sometimes I could go a very long time without feeling truly depressed but then it would come back full force. It's hard to say if certain events bring it on or what, because personally I noticed that it seems to come on when I'm in stressful situations or when I'm just feeling like I can't depend on anyone in my life. Anyway, I don't know if that really answers your question but I hope I helped.

[kjhink]

deirs, I suggest you talk to your doc. A lot of people tolerate different meds differently. Paxil might not be the best fit for you. I was on Lexapro, and intend to return to Celexa (its predecessor) because I'm not doing too well. I didn't experience those types of side-effects.

Talk to your doc. The switch might be a little rocky, but if you can find something with fewer side-effects, it might be worth it in the long run.

[deirs]

ditto on what a lot of other people have said: I'm just depressed, no real reason whatsoever. Well, maybe its genetics or something, you know. I can't pin-point it to any one event or anything, I've actually had a pretty good life, and have no reason to be unhappy. I just am.

I do have a question though, for people on meds. I've found that my meds (Paxil CR, 25mg) really do help with the unhappiness. But, I have no energy. I know that part of it is the meds, they make me tired, but I really feel like I'm going through life in a fog some days (those are usually my bad days though). But I can't be taking a nap everyday and sleeping 9 or more hours a night. It's ok now, as I'm in my last semester of college, but I'm going to start work soon. I know I won't have time for naps. And I need more energy. So, anyways, I'm wondering if I should try new meds, or what. Does anyone have any advice or anything for me? I am goign to see my doctor next week, so I will talk to her about it, but I just wanted to talk to some people who have experience with this stuff.

(((((starpiste))))) big hug for you girl, and good luck with your councilling session. I have a hard enough time at sessions by myself, I don't know if I could handle having my mum there.

[starpiste]

I agree what everyone's saying about "being drepressed". It's a feeling that just can't be shook or explained. That's what makes it so frustrating sometimes. It feels really irrational to me but I had to learn that it's not.

p_176: have you taked to your doctor about how you're feeling? It might be a reaction that they've seen before and might have some tips or can refer you to someone to talk to.

oh, I have my first councelling session tomorrow that's a joint session with my mom. I'm really nervous about it to the point where I'm avoiding making plans for the weekend in case I'm that thrown off by it.

[p_176]

i seem to be in a bit of a funk about having HPV...i feel like i can never date or have sex or get married (i'm engaged, but told my fiance that we should not get married anymore, and that he needs to find someone else who is not sick)...i'm not going to tell my family, but i know that if i have to have a more serious surgery (i've had a few in the past few years) where i'll be off my feet for a month, then i have to tell them - can't make but so many excuses to miss family dinner)....what's weird is the fact that if someone else comes to me for advise or a listening ear re: HPV, or anything else, i give really good advice. I just can't seem to take it for myself....i feel like i am going to be alone forever...help..

[midgemcgrath]

can i maybe suggest that when people have "chronic" depression, it is a more general feeling of depression, and not being depressed about one thing... people without chronic depression can get bouts of short term depression, and those are more often about something specific, like a death in the family, illness, job problems, relationship problems, etc. and often once the issue passes, the depression will subside.

since most of the peeps on this thread are on the more chronic side, it is likely that there is a lot of general depression, and probably only a few that can actually pinpoint the source.

does that sit with the rest of you?

[cstars124]

I don't think there was one specific event that made me depressed. I really think it's genetic because at least a dozen other people on my mother's side of the family suffer from or have suffered from depression. I kinda remember just being a senior in high school and finding it VERY difficult to go to school in the morning, and hang out with friends at night. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had no energy and I was really weepy. It was awful. It lasted days, and weeks. And nothing would make it better. I lost interest in everything that used to make me happy, I didn't care about anyone/anything. I was horrible to my parents, my family, my friends. Ugh...luckily, medication helps soooo much. I've been taking them for maybe 4/5 years, but without them, i honestly probably would not be here.

So, in essence, it very rarely is just ONE thing that makes someone depressed. It's a combination of everything.

[kjhink]

lightbright, I'm sort of with lucizoe. I'm not depressed about something; it's not one thing that gets me down. I'm just down all the time about everything or nothing at all.

When I'm really depressed, I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to interact with people. I don't WANT anything, except to be left alone to sleep the time away. Add to that the fact that any minor setbacks just lay me to waste. Friend cancelled our evening plans? Hours on the verge of tears. Brunch with the boyfriend's family? Gotta talk myself through it so that I don't just freak out. Real problem? Forget it.

I've been on meds before, and they worked for me. I got off of them for awhile to see if I could; to see if the positive changes I'd made in my life had altered my situation enough to make me not need them. The answer, it appears, is no. I'm going to the doctor next week to get on meds again.

I'm lucky, as I've found meds that worked for me without any noticeable side effects. I can't handle not being able take life's little challenges any more, and I need more energy than this.

I found, for me at least, that medication just raises the floor. I still have "normal" mood swings, I still get happy and sad and whatnot, but it raises the floor on the sadness. Meds for me bring perspective back into the mix, something I sorely lack when depressed.

I don't think your question was negative, either. I read it as you trying to understand what it was like. That said, I could describe it all day long, and would be happy to do so ;), but I don't know if I could make anyone understand.

That sense of isolation is part of it all, too.

[lucizoe]

*sort of unlurking - haven't posted in here in forever*

light_bright, my depression is actually just a part of my personality. I've always had it, ever since I was tiny, I'm always going to have it. It manifests itself mostly through my physical body just literally slowing down. Everything is harder, everything is foggy - like my entire body is depressed and it is, at times, a battle just to move.

Mentally and emotionally I tend to have anxiety issues too, and that feeds into it. In my case, there is no one thing I am depressed about. My particularly brain, if I don't work-out regularly and eat certain foods, likes to rebel against me and just make everything harder. It's also like I was born without any self-esteem at all. I never think I'm good enough for anything, which can make fighting this off with diet and exercise extra difficult.

Some people have great success with medication; I never found a satisfactory pharmacological route, for me, so I deal with it this way instead. I do have a small prescription for tranquilizers for my occasional panic attacks and I'm grateful for those. Oh, boy am I.

It's a very difficult thing to explain, but I didn't read your question as negative...

[light_bright]

Im just curious, and I hope this doesnt sound like im trying to be funny or stupid, but what things are you guys "depressed" about, and how do you know if you are depressed? I say this in a way seeking knowledge and understanding...I hope the way I phrased it is not read negativly...

[candycane_girl]

ilovecoffee, good for you for taking the first step to getting counselling.

I haven't been in this thread for a while, how is everybody? I've been alright but I had a really draining session last week. Like, I still felt tired the next day just because I went through so much talking to my psychologist. But I'm glad because she's so helpful and I know that I'll have to work through the tough things before things get better.

Anyway, I hope you're all doing alright.

[starpiste]

ilovecoffee, how'd it go with the doctor?
I made it really clear to my doctor that I wanted meds to be short term (1 year or so) if I could and she was supportive in that. It made me feel better about starting them all together.

[maddy29]

Great job ilovecoffee!!! I'm really happy that you went in for treatment. Even if you don't like your therapist,you can get a different one. If you don't like your meds, you can try a different one.

I'm so glad that you are feeling hopeful. Meds made a huge difference for me, although I still struggle with depression a lot. At least now I can get out of bed, have some friends and social interaction, etc. And I have a LOT of good days now, which I really never had before meds.

Keep us updated on how things are going, this is a huge step and even though it's a good thing it can be stressful too.

[ilovecoffee]

thanks. i had a counsling meeting today and it was alright. kinda introductory. tomorrow i have an appointment with the health center to maybe talk about medications, and to fill out forms. i'm kinda excited. Thanks for your support starpiste and maddy29, it was greatly needed and accepted. councelling with your mom sounds pretty tough, but healthy.
i was very anti-meds too, but now i realize my way doesn't work, and they are really going to help.
"I totally understand this. It's made me pretty insecure recently despite many strides I've made in the last 6 months." good to hear. glad to meet people that understand it.
I go to Chico state and it has seemed like everyone is a carbon copy of everyone else, and the music scene is next to nothing. Hazards of living in a small conservative town, i guess.
i guess now, i have hope for what is going to happen. feels awsome.