[msgoofball]

today is our 2 year anniversary and i sit here wondering if my life would be better with or without the trouble that is mr. gb..i know i shouldn't think these things but i wonder. maybe my mind is rambling and i am going insane...we have issues to discuss(mostly financial and future goals) and i am reluctant to get into that arena. (maybe cuz thats where most of our fights stem from). bah.

[amilita]

The Mr. and I just have a joint account. The way things have gone lately, like me not bringing in a paycheck since the hurricane...and the way he handles his finances, which is totally unorganized...it makes more sense for me to handle the finances and combine everything.

Oh, and he owns his own business, so there are times he gets big lump sums for jobs, and if he is left to his own devices, he'll piddle these big amounts away. He prefers to just put those amounts down on the bills, but it would be a pain to track that.

I like being in charge of the money. I'm gonna set us up savings, which he doesn't do, and a retirement plan...I've got to figure out what I'm doing job-wise, and then figure out where I'm gonna roll my 401K funds. And set him up some accounts to contribute to.

At this point, we're in agreement on what our priorities are money-wise...trips and real estate. And our bills are fairly minimal. If things change, I could see changing the way we do it.

[pixiedust]

you know this is all very insightful. I grew up in a very tradidtional household. My mom is in her 70's and is still horrified when I go out without wearing a slip or hose under my skirts. Anyway, my ex husband and I had multiple bank accounts but they were all joint. Mr. pixie and I only have seperate bank accounts right now because his bank wouldn't add me to his account while I was still going through my bankruptcy. we haven't tried yet now that we are married. And he didn't want to close that account and just use mine. I think eventually we will just have joint accounts but I could also see each keeping a small account for ourselves. For instance, I get a child support check and an equity check from my ex husband each month. That doesn't go into our monthly budget as I believe that money is for me and minipixie. We have occasionally dipped into it for bills(especially when we were paying for the wedding and honeymoon)But He has to ask me before we use any of it.

[karianne]

I agree, splitting 50/50 isn't always fair. I make a good deal more than MR K, so I pay all the household bills. Utilities, cable, etc. He pays 1/2 of rent, our car insurance, his share of cell phone bill, & his cc's. He has a lot of cc debt, and I want him to pay it off so badly. That is one of the reasons I took over the household bills, I want all his extra money going towards those damn cards.

[msgoofball]

we are coming upon our 2 year anniversary...lol...maybe now we can finally talk about finances...lol

[ladylu]

turbojenn- I was in the same situation w/ my husband... we both contributed equally to the house expenses though I made far less. Finally, we started talking about it, and realized how absurd it was and how tough it was on me (to not be able to save money), and now calculate our contributions based on our total income and the percentage of that total that each of us earns. As Dan Savage wrote in his advice column, paying household expenses 50/50 when your incomes are not equal is what you do when you are roommates, not when you are in a relationship.

But it was still pretty tough for me to accept at first

[pixiedust]

We're in the same situation turbo, except that he has acess to my account and I do not have acess to his yet due to a bankruptcy. But we have sort of handled it where we pay all of our bills out of Mr. Pixie's account except a select few and then all of the food, living expenses, and discresionary spending comes out of my account. We kind of figure you can't negotiate bills, but we should be checking with each other before spending the rest of our money. So far it has worked out pretty well. We have only been together for about a year and a half...and lived together for about the last year.
So far everything is going fine.(how much can you really fuck up in 4 weeks?)He is just terrified right now that he won't get a teaching job before summer ends and will have to settle for a job he hates and he's very worried that I am going to be disappointed in him and he doesn't want to be like my exhusband. It will never happen, but there is no convincing him sometimes because he is the born worrier.

[turbojenn]

I guess I'm not a newlywed anymore, as we're coming up on our 4 year anniversary, but Turboman and I lived together for about 4 years before we got married, and had been together for 7 at the time of our wedding. Our first year wasn't really harder than any other, and for us, it was nice that our families finally accepted us as a unit, and we could sleep in the same bed at their houses! Really, that was a nice thing, as being around our families really stresses me out, and I need as much comfort as I can while there.

Ditto Kari on the keeping money separate....we've never once fought about money. We are starting the conversation about shifting how we contribute to household expenses. We've always split 50-50, because it was important to me. But I make a lot less than turboman, so I'm always draining my bank account by the end of the month, and he's got a nice savings. So, I think its time to redistribute our contributions to match our percentage of the household income.

[skandelouslala]

Thanks for the welcome msgoofball!

It's interesting for me to hear from your perspective. I see where you are coming from though. I already see things happening in our lives with the wedding and all that where I see us having to come together has a seperate unit away from our families when we've been used to be associated with our families our whole lives to some extent but now we are creating our own family unit. I have no idea if that made sense lol...

[karianne]

Mr K & I have been married about 7 months. I think our first year has been relatively smooth, there have been a few bumps. We didn't live together prior to marriage. We dated 4 years.

I think one thing that has helped us a lot is keeping our money separate. I think we will eventually join it, but right now is not the time.

[msgoofball]

welcome skandelouslala! i lived with mr. gb for 5 years and still the 1st married year was the hardest...because of all the wedding prep, the family events, etc. while i will agree that living together does prepare you for little things and habits, it does not prepare your for the family influence and all the choices that 'a couple' must make together. or that was my situation. yours may be entirely different.

how about some suggestions of 1st year issues that came up from our newlywed busties??? i know u are lurking...

[skandelouslala]

It's new to me to hear being a newlywed as being equated to love & puppies b/c I've been surrounded by a lot of people telling me "The 1st year in the hardest."

However I suppose just maybe that I live in my naive little world where I figure this won't be the case for my fiance & I when we get married next March just for the fact that we've been living together for 4 years this July.

So I'm just curious I guess how many of you lived with your husbands prior to marriage, if any, that are experiencing the 1st year is actually the hardest thing?

I am definitely glad that we have gotten the chance to live together before marriage. So maybe in a way getting married won't have that whole NEW feeling to it b/c in a lot of ways it is like we are already married, it's just not a legal thing yet. But I remember moving in with my fiance and what a freaking shock some things came to me as and I just can't imagine now going through them AND being newlyweds at the same time. I would have died lol And some of them were just little things too...others big things.

I clearly remember going grocery shopping for the first time together, and how pissed I was that he didn't see the point in buying bottled water lol
Feeling frusturated that he didn't feel my telepathic vibes that I was in the "mood" lol
Realizing that little Susie Homemaker wasn't half the fun I thought it would be
Planning a huge move that was stressful on us both

Some of those things were petty yes, but the bigger things like the move...it would have freaked me out if we had just gotten married and were butting heads and going through those things the first time. We've been through a lot together now, and even though I know there are many new things we are going to experience together in life...going through what we have already I really feel confident going into marriage knowing that we'll be able to handle whatever.

[opheliathemuse]

LOL
aquagirl, that was great.

[karianne]

Good, I love judging threads!

No need to lurk, jazmyn. I didn't mean to come on too strong about your post, I suppose I am just sensitive about the topic. You are welcome here.

How's it going for everyone? It's good for us, I think things are ironing themselves out.

[aquagirl2]

Turbojenn, I officially separated our laundry baskets. I feel a little bad but my mom told me to. She said once you start doing their laundry they never, ever will again. I trust her because she has always been a fantastic and caring wife and mother, so if she doesn't do his laundry, I'm not either!

My computery husband liked the Husband 1.0 thing a lot. Of course it is kind of cliched and retro but sometimes things are just funny!

Karianne, I started this thread, and actually it is supposed to be about judging.

haha

[jazmyn13]

sorry all, will relurk

suitably chastised

no judgement was intended!

[msgoofball]

thanks kari for the back up...but let me explain jaz...

this is a venting site..and my posts are pretty random cuz i randomly and usually with a good reason post here. i vent on this site which is its intention and reason for its existance. every relationship has some problems...ours happens to be communication which takes daily work. mr.gb is not perfect nor am i trying to 'fix' him.

i also am having issues with my own independence and how much time i have to commit to him/myself.

hopefully that will clarify some things.

[karianne]

Jazmyn, I assume you have good intentions, but this thread is for venting & communing. Not judging. The title of the thread indicates that this is a space for talking about the experience of being newly married and how it isn't always a bowl of cherries.

Like I said, I'm sure you mean no harm, but your post comes off a bit judgemental.

[jazmyn13]

msgoofball...just from lurking, it seems that you frequently "go off" or chew out your hubby. Are you stressed from school? is he that irritating? It just seems that there is not a lot of kindness between you. How long have you been married?