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anna_k
post Jun 14 2006, 09:25 PM
Post #1


BUSTie
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Posts: 23


Busy busy life. School and work and writing pieces for magazines and fulfilling school credits so I can graduate and afford a place to live and be a mature grown woman at 22. It's hard to keep up relationships with friends in the city, much less anything romantic or even sexual (too many people and it's a crapshoot).

I like it when I make eyes with men in the streets or in close encounters. Like today when I was watching some women hurry around like nervous hens, and I turned to smile at this cute young guy in a suit behind me. We both smiled at the sight. It was a quick moment, but it was cute.

I like getting along with different people and observing people. I commute to summer classes every day, and on the way home it's the 5 o'clock rush, so I am crammed with people, and I make mental notes of people near me and observe them with interest. I like making up stories in my head about the people, or listen to their voices talk about anything.
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maryjo
post Jun 12 2006, 03:18 AM
Post #2


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 143


Like stillveryangry, I completely disagree with the idea that the only relationship that matters is your lifelong 'one'. In fact I think that the idea there is 'one' person out there for you is qute a poisonous one.

To me, all our relationships matter - friendships or family connections or brief sexual exchanges or romantic flings or long-term partnerships, they are all connections with people that affect and change us. That's a reason not to discount any kind of relationship and not to put up with crappy ones whose effects on us we don't like.

I do agree with everything else Katie said - that we shouldn't beat ourselves up for not having long-term partners and that we shouldn't pursue any relationship just for the sake of it, and that not having found someone by your twenties means absolutely nothing.

Me, I'm in one of my phases where I'm totally happy being single and wouldn't know what to do with a relationship if the perfect person suddenly inserted themselves into my life. Though I do worry about it from time to time - I'm 24 and have had two major relationships in my life, both over three years ago and neither with a woman, which is what I would want now. I am moving to another country in a few weeks and I always think that maybe something will happen then, but I probably won't - and I may well be too accustomed to self-sufficiency to deal with it if it does, though I would like to have a loving relationship in my life.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 11 2006, 09:21 PM
Post #3


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


i would say that emtee. maybe i am thinking along the lines that i just rather not have a meaningful one for an undertermined length of time then have a crappy one every year or so. either way, its frustrating bc it makes you wonder if anyone is out there for you ever. and yeah, i think we can all agree that dating can totally suck.


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“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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stillveryangry
post Jun 11 2006, 06:32 PM
Post #4


BUSTie
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Posts: 59
From: US


well, I'd have to say that all of the relationships, or at least some of them matter. not in the stupid sentimental sense, but in the sense that they help you to become a stronger person. or some shit like that.
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emtee
post Jun 11 2006, 03:40 PM
Post #5


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 174
From: The Great White North


Can we all agree that no matter HOW old you are, being single can at times be frustrating? Dating is also frustrating.

Katie, I think that your point of the only relationship that matters is the one you end up in for life is good, but at the same time, how many of us find that relationship at 20, or 25, 30 or even 40? To think that I might not be in a loving, serious relationship that "matters" for 15 or 20 years? Now THAT's frustrating.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 11 2006, 12:52 PM
Post #6


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Posts: 647
From: NYC


naaa bklyn, one of my best friends from college in 24 and never been in ANY relationship. if you dont click with someone, you just dont click. and its better that happen then you trying to fool yourself into thinking that you like someone more than you do.
i see what you are saying about your past relationships, but is it possible you are underestimating their feelings for you bc you are so down and out about this? of course, i have no idea, its just a thought.
and the way i look at it is, i am 24 and have been in 3 long term reltionships. however, i am no longer in ANY of those relationships. ok i guess what i am TRYING to say is that the only relationship that matters is the one where you end up together for life, so what it actually means is that all those relationships before dont mean anything in the end ultimately.
i know it has to be really really frustrating for you and sometimes being in a long term relationship would just help reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you, however conversely, sometimes there is ALOT more wrong with people who are serial monogamists who are ALWAYS in a relationship.
i dont know, this all makes sense in my head, i just dont want you to think you are unworthy of a loving relationship, or that it will never happen.


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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lunasol
post Jun 11 2006, 11:24 AM
Post #7


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Posts: 1,271


well, bklyn, i'm 28 and i've NEVER been in what i would consider to be a serious relationship. not sure how that happened, but there you go. bizarrely enough, i'm still confident that it'll happen. maybe because my parents didn't meet till they were 31, and they have one of the best relationships i've ever seen.
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bklynhermit
post Jun 10 2006, 09:35 PM
Post #8


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


i see what you're saying (especially about the shitty relationship thing, i don't envy anybody that). i think it's more the fact that i've dated a few people relatively seriously (more than a few months, spending tons of time together, one person i even moved in with) and never got the sense from any of them that it was anything more than the sex or maybe minor conveniences like having someone to spend valentines day with.

i mean, at the age of 25, after dating for ten years and being in a few somewhat serious relationships, shouldn't someone at least have given a shit? once? ever? i mean i guess men get better about this, but with women it's been the same.
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katiebelle2882
post Jun 10 2006, 08:14 PM
Post #9


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


let me tell you, being single is about 500 times better than being in s shitty relationship which for some reason, is how most end up i think. arent you only like 25 bklyn?

trust me, i understand what you are saying as well, but to be so pessimistic (esp if you are that young) seems to be jumping the gun a little when it comes to thinking you will always be alone.


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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bklynhermit
post Jun 10 2006, 08:01 PM
Post #10


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


i've been out in the dating world for 10 years now and had a few relatively long term relationships. and i've never even so much as gotten flowers. or an 'i love you'. or any sign that the people i've dated were in any way interested in me beyond sex.

so i feel like my pessimism is warranted. i mean, i'm as physically attractive as i'll ever be. i like to think i'm smart, funny, caring, and all the other things people say they're looking for. i'm bi open to finding love with either a man or a woman. i live in a big city and meet a lot of people. i'm at the point in my life when i'm statistically most likely to meet the person i'll spend my life with.

and still nobody wants me, nobody ever has. at this point i can only assume that this is an inherent thing for me -- i'm meant to be alone.
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misspissed
post Jun 10 2006, 07:08 PM
Post #11


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 317


(((bklyn)))
never say never, though.
while i completely empathise with everything you wrote, don't be so pessimistic.

i know how you feel, because i am pretty much right there lately. but there is a faint glimmer of hope somewhere (very deeply hidden). i don't consider myself stupidly optimistic nor naive to the realities of life. but i have seen folks find companionship at all ages and places in life, and that is kind of encouraging.

\end hopeless romantic post.

what i've been feeling lately, and i am a bit embarassed to admit it, is envy for those in functional relationships. like i am the butt of some karmic practical joke, and man oh man...does it suck! i'm stuck in a catch-22 -- i hate dating but love being in a relationship. :-(

xoxo to all my lovely singles!!
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emtee
post Jun 10 2006, 05:54 PM
Post #12


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 174
From: The Great White North


bklyn, you just articulated EXACTLY how I feel.
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bklynhermit
post Jun 10 2006, 05:27 PM
Post #13


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 436
From: Brooklyn, NY


i am officially tired of being single.

my roommate (who i do have feelings for, it's true) is on a date. i am ok with this. i understand (in my mind if not in my heart) that he doesn't have feelings for me and that we'll never be together. that's not what's bothering me.

what's bothering me is the knowledge that i will always be alone. nobody has ever loved me. i have been in love three times. all three were unrequited. watching my roommate date other people is like being in a wheelchair and watching your friends run marathons. i want to run marathons! i do! and i've tried a thousand times, but it seems like there's just something about me that prevents it from happening. i don't know exactly what's wrong, but the bottom line is that i am completely unlovable. i will never be loved. i will always be alone.

i know that there's nothing wrong with not being part of a couple. i know that it's possible to be completely fulfilled and happy and also single. believe me, i do. i've certainly had enough happy single years (and enough shit relationships) to understand that.

it's not fulfillment i'm looking for, anymore than a paraplegic is looking for fulfillment in the desire to walk. i just want to be loved. i want someone to share my life with. i want someone who will be there for me when i need it, and who i can take care of when that person needs it. i want the physical presence of someone next to me, walking the same path. i want to have sex that is meaningful. i want the sensation of two heads being better than one. i don't want a knight in shining armor so much as i want a fellow traveler. and even that is denied to me.

i don't even get to have a cat!
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katiebelle2882
post May 14 2006, 03:46 PM
Post #14


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


weekends do suck greenbean, all of a sudden your source of entertainment is gone and that SUCKS


--------------------
“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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autumn24
post May 14 2006, 01:36 PM
Post #15


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 487
From: Boston, MA


Yup, weekends COMPLETELY suck for me now... but after having been broken up with my ex for 2 months now, it finally begins to sink in... though this weekend was much less sad than last weekend. I just stayed in while rain has been soaking when I live and watching movies and reading books and having a nice, quiet time! I never thought I would get back to that place again.

I'm still semi-involved in a fairly unhealthy emotion/physical way with my ex which might be preventing me from totally moving on, but in some others ways, it's actually helping me find closure, too, as I am constantly exposed to the reasons why we broke up. I'm also hanging on a bit for the sex because I am VERY picky who I sleep with and am totally afraid it's going to be YEARS before I sleep with anyone else.

All my friends are coupled up, too, and it's frustrating. Greenbean, if I were you, I'd wait a little while longer... there's NOTHING saying you can't date, meet people, but you may want to try just being alone for awhile.
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john
post May 14 2006, 01:25 PM
Post #16


BUSTie
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Posts: 11


Greenbean, since you're single for the first time in four years, I think it'll take awhile to settle in. That bad weekend you talked about is probably your mind finally beginning to accept the breakup. I'm sorry, that sucks.
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greenbean
post May 14 2006, 12:55 PM
Post #17


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Posts: 954


Bummer! I'm clear on the other end of the country in San Francisco. and I'm soon to be 27 yrs old.
I dont know why I just cant relax! I'm freakin' gonna be in Europe in a month! I'm bound to meet some guy to hook-up with. I guess I'm just having a bad weekend because its really hitting me like, "holy shit! I'm ALONE!"


--------------------
I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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katiebelle2882
post May 14 2006, 12:36 PM
Post #18


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 647
From: NYC


Hey greenbean. I can tell you are independent even when in part of a relationship, but, if you are, as you say "always part of a couple" maybe you do need to give it more time. I dont think there is anything wrong with going out and dating though, bc you might find it harder than you even expected to actually find someone you want to date exclusively. but dating in and of itself, just a few guys here and there, is much different then a relationship.

I don't really think it is a question of your emotional ability to be attached to someone else, bc as you said, it felt like it was over a long time before it actually ended (which is totally what happened with me !). but, the fact that it was drawn out long after it ended kind of points to the fact that maybe you just like having a BF around for the sake of entertainment, and you didnt want to lose that, regardless if the love was gone or not.

Although, I understand how having fun as a single girl is really hard if all your girlfriends are attached. In fact, it may seem just impossible. But, you CAN have fun on your own as well. Part of the reason that hated being in a relationship is that i could never seem to just go off and do my own thing during the day, especially on the weekends. and "by my own thing" i mean, without ANYBODY, even friends. Also greenbean, maybe try and find new groups to join where there will be single people. I just think that if you are always in a relationship, that maybe its time to take longer than a month before you get back into a new one. Also, I dont know where you live or how old you are, but i realize these things can all be more difficult depending on those issues. If you do happen to be in the nyc area, we can hang out!


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“There's something about the Irish that is remarkable.”-François de la Rochefoucauld
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greenbean
post May 14 2006, 11:53 AM
Post #19


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 954


Hello y'all. I have been single for exactly one month now, after dragging out a four year relationship. The break-up was mutual and while at first it was liberating and I relished my alone-ness, its starting to get dull. I have friends but they are all coupled so I dont have a gaggle of single gals to hit the town with.

I am interested in the conversation y'll were having a month ago, about serial monogamists, cuz I think I kinda am one. I dont consider myself a dependant person per se cuz I've never lived with a guy (yup, even in the four year deal, I just couldnt give up my own place) yet I am usually part of a couple.

I like to have it both ways I guess: my own independent life AND a boyfriend to love and play with. I'm starting to want a new one already (not that I have any lined up) especially cuz eventhough I just got out of a relationship, I feel like we were out of love way before the break-up, so really its felt longer than a month....BUTTT,...I guess I want to know how long y'll think I should be alone before I venture out into the dating world? (if I can remember how to flirt again) And, Katie I do mean with an emotional component not just sexual, because I'm a hopeless romantic I guess.

Sorry for the long, jumbled introduction!


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I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty.--John Waters
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kittenb
post May 1 2006, 09:19 AM
Post #1


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


celimene - the end of your post just made me love you.
Thanks to the world of on-line dating, I have had more dates this year then ever before, and I am not sure what I thought I was missing. It is just not as fun as I thought it would be and I am more than a little frustrated. I am not sure what I should do next.


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In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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