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> Frustrated Singles
xexyz
post Jul 1 2009, 09:11 AM
Post #121


BUSTie
**
Posts: 72


Dammit, there was a woman who I wanted to ask out once she finished her internship but I learned on the last day she was here that she accepted a job in another state. This isn't the first time this has happened to me either. sad.gif

People need to mind their own fucking business about other peoples' relationship status. I don't need to justify to nosy assholes why I haven't/don't have a girlfriend, and I won't. But of course then people make up their own ideas and gossip behind your back about why you're single. On more than one occasion someone's asked me if I'm gay because I don't have a girlfriend.

Which is another thing I hate; people asking me my sexual orientation. What is it anyone's business of theirs?
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crazyoldcatlady
post Jun 26 2009, 07:42 PM
Post #122


the moistiest
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Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


i think i'm going to go with persiflager's suggestion of a firm, non-apologetic "NO", and then stare them down. i bet they'll end up trying to fill the awkward silence with some comment that says more about them then about me.

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raisingirl
post Jun 26 2009, 07:30 PM
Post #123


PANTIES! ew.
***
Posts: 1,762


It seems like no one ever asks me if I'm in a relationship. Maybe I'm just projecting, but it's expected that I'm totally unattached. I can relate to the shoe comment all too much.
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futura
post Jun 26 2009, 02:02 AM
Post #124


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 208


Fortunately people don't ask me if i'm in a relationship. That would be so irksome. I mean, i'm at this point where i think being single is as 'neutral' as being in a relationship. Each has its pitfalls and disadvantages. Having been in two longterm relationships, i absolutely abhor the constant bickering and powerplay (and i'm guilty of that, too. Sometimes you come to a point where things just get like that). It's so hard to make things work between two people. And when i see how some people i know treat relationships...like consumers.

I thought my ex was 'the one', but now i see he's not. For some reason i feel that that someone for me is pretty far away. I don't have any demands like how one should look, or be. There has to be this connection, and i can't really explain that, but i know i'll feel it when it's actually there. You know, one who sees the bigger picture and doesn't let his insecurities and issues drag down the relationship. It's hard to find the balance.

Ofcourse i am prone to overanalyzing. And then i think; why bother? I often think in terms like; imagine that an alien comes from outer space and i have to explain what a relationship is, what sex is, and how this is all so important to us. I always get lost.


--------------------
"It was when I found out I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something"- Ornette Coleman
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crazyoldcatlady
post Jun 25 2009, 10:47 PM
Post #125


the moistiest
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Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


QUOTE
I guess some people think that asking if there's someone in your life seems like a conversation starter but why not just ask "what's new"? Is that really so hard?


it's like, if there was someone in my life, don't you think i'd mention it somewhere along the way, if i wanted you to know? i'm with you, ccg. what's so hard about "what's new"? why the commentary?

i am NOT a serial dater, by any means. if i get involved with someone it had better be (or at least perceived to be) worth it.

i should just be an uber-bitch and say, "no, i'm single. why haven't you popped out a kid yet?" or "how's the new boyfriend? what is he, the 5th in a month?"
or, you know, by clueless/cher style: "you know how picky i am with my shoes, and they only go on my feet!"

curiously, none of my gay friends ask me if i'm in a relationship. perhaps they're a little more conscious of the social nuance involved in asking such a question.
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candycane_girl
post Jun 25 2009, 08:39 PM
Post #126


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,336
From: Canada


I think it's ridiculous that anyone should ever have to provide a reason for being single. I guess some people think that asking if there's someone in your life seems like a conversation starter but why not just ask "what's new"? Is that really so hard?
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ketto
post Jun 25 2009, 11:57 AM
Post #127


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 695
From: Winter Land


I always used to say that I was too selfish for a relationship at the time. I enjoyed having so much time to concentrate solely on myself.


--------------------
Meow.
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anna k
post Jun 25 2009, 10:03 AM
Post #128


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


I feel bad sometimes about being single too, but I just haven't had the luck of finding someone who I would like as a boyfriend, just guys I've dated platonically, fooled around with for a brief hookup, or having guy friends. Now I feel more mature for a possible relationship, but don't want to expend much energy on it (I agree with you zoya), I prefer pursuing my interests in writing and film and dance and having fun with friends, plus I keep busy working a lot, so it takes up some of my energy. Sometimes I feel old at 25 for never having been serious with anyone, but it's been a learning process.

What I would want for a guy is someone who I'm emotionally/physically connected with, who I get excited and happy to see, we are both friends and lovers (corny, yes), can argue and see the worst in each other but still get along, and have a truly human relationship.
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zoya
post Jun 25 2009, 09:53 AM
Post #129


uh huh.
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Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


...actually what I've been saying these days is:

"I'm just not into it right now - It's time for me to just be with me and do my thing. A guy will come along when it's time, but I'm not out there trying to make it happen right now."


that seems to shut em up and not make me sound like some "I'm just too into my career for a man" or some such blether.

anyway, it's where I'm at and I think that when you just speak your truth, people kinda just have to deal with it. Ain't my problem if they can't.

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Persiflager
post Jun 24 2009, 12:06 AM
Post #130


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Could you fill the gap with creepiness? Just say 'No!' with a big smile on your face, and keeeeep smiling....


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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auralpoison
post Jun 23 2009, 11:35 PM
Post #131


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


As always, Star is snappy & correct.

My answer was always, "Because I'm not gonna fuck with any man that isn't on my level just to legitimize conventional Judeo-Christian societal pressures to couple."

I know that's what it was really all about for my questioners, so it worked.

I don't expect forever, nor do I see a reason to dick with the many options of lower eschelon ass available. It's NOT wrong to have standards or to take time for yourself to assess what you really want out of your 'ships. Taking just whatever comes down the boy pike is just wack. That is how people wind up with people that you don't really want because they are bitter, insecure assholes that want to put their drama on you.


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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stargazer
post Jun 23 2009, 11:01 PM
Post #132


brown delicious
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Posts: 2,938
From: here, there, everywhere


"Because when I want dick, I want to be free to shop for sausage wherever I want."

Sorry, that was the only one I could think of. Unfortunately, I have not thought of a response that seems good enough. I hear your pain. I choose the "I've focused on work" thing because some people just don't get that I would rather be single right now. They rather believe the old "cold hearted bitch-too focused on work-my priorities are wrong" gig 'cause, you know, we can only polarize women in this world.


--------------------
"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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crazyoldcatlady
post Jun 23 2009, 10:33 PM
Post #133


the moistiest
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Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


i have been asked no less than 5 times in the past 2 days by 5 different people if i was seeing anyone.

NO.

why do i feel like i have to justify that? to prevent the awkward silence that follows? and when i do give some bullshit "explanation", i feel like i sold myself out, when i know damn well it's not their business?


(a married friend of mine actually left me a voicemail: "hey, how's it going, haven't talked to you, are you seeing anyone? girl, we need to get you a man!" needless to say, i didn't---and probably passively-agressively will not--- call her back for a while.)


i am a "frustrated single" in that respect. i am not in the right place on any plane to even broach the dating arena. how do you other singles answer? how should I answer? i want some great response that's humorous but also innotsomanywords tell them to shut the fuck up.

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Persiflager
post Jan 6 2009, 05:42 AM
Post #134


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 721
From: Babylon


Ouch Wayfarer, he sucks! I have to go with cocl - you're not having fun with him, he's making you feel bad about yourself, and it doesn't sound like there's a single positive aspect to dating him. There are soooo many better guys out there for you.


--------------------
“Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence.”
Morris Kline (mathematician, author) 1908-1992
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ketto
post Jan 5 2009, 09:31 PM
Post #135


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 695
From: Winter Land


wayfarer, I wouldn't stress yourself out over a guy who you yourself said makes you feel bad, makes you feel like he likes it better when you don't speak, belittles you when you are open and honest, and tells you not to text him about this kind of 'shit'.

Just tell him you aren't interested. Obviously he doesn't care about making you feel bad so he isn't worth your time and he definitely isn't worth your worry. Just write it off as a bad sexual/dating experience and let it go. There are guys out there who are for more respectful and won't make you feel like an idiot for being honest and upfront (in fact, I find most decent guys appreciate this approach).


--------------------
Meow.
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crazyoldcatlady
post Jan 5 2009, 07:45 PM
Post #136


the moistiest
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Posts: 1,700
From: here. in my head.


welcome to the lounge, wayfare! stop by the newbies thread and introduce yourself.

and, not to smack you on the first post, but you need to DTMFA. hands down.
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wayfarergirl
post Jan 5 2009, 07:31 PM
Post #137


Newbie
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Posts: 3
From: winnipeg, manitoba


Well I'm new here on the forum and have heard nothing but good things. So this is my first post.

I have recently (about a month and a half) started dating a guy and I feel like there has been nothing but problems since the beginning. We were somewhat physical on the first and second dates, but hung out a lot of times without getting it on. I randomly got a text that said: "I feel like all you want to do is get it on all the time. I need to get to know someone well before I can care deeply about someone and have that physical relationship."

We then spent new years together, but only after he got pissed at his friends and didn't want to go out with them. Started the year on a bad note by having sex with each other for the first time and it was horrible. He could not keep it in and just got fed up and stopped trying. We are both a few extra pounds, so maybe that was the problem? Who knows. But my problem is the communication issues, which I think is why the sex was so horrible. I'm willing to try and makes with work, but I barely know him. I texted him about it as follows:

me: I want to get to know you and like hanging out, but I am getting the feeling that you don't feel the same. I'm very open and honest and try to show you who I really am, but I feel like I barely know you. I feel like I never say or do the right thing when I'm with you. Please be honest with me, if you are not interested and don't want to see me again. I feel like you like me better when I'm not saying anything at all.

no response for 45 mins

me: please text me back

him: Don't be a crazy bizatch. I've been busy that's it. Don't text me about this kind of shit, it annoys me when people are insecure. I also hate texting.

me: I wasn't being insecure, that hurts.

him: Then what are you being?

me: Call me if you want to talk.

him: NOT TONIGHT!...


... My comments: First off who says bizatch?! o_O Are you not contradicting everything by having sex? If you do in fact what to get to know me why say this shit? Do I tell him to get lost? But how? I try to find the good in everyone.

thanks for letting me rant.
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anna k
post Jan 3 2009, 05:47 PM
Post #138


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 1,687
From: NYC


zoya, it's totally cool for you to vent. You're an incredible and wonderful woman, I get that vibe from your posts.

I feel bad because I've never had a boyfriend. Two years ago I dated two guys several times each before turning them down because I ended up liking them platonically. It took me a few years to get physically/sexually comfortable with guys, and I'm so used to being on my own that I can't imagine being in a real relationship with anybody. Or I feel bad because I haven't had luck recently with dating or sex, or was too shy/intimidated by men who I was attracted to because I felt like I was too inexperienced for them.

I'm not out there looking for it either. I've done online dating/blind dates at various times, and don't like it. I prefer getting to know men better in my natural environments, from when I was in college to working at a PR agency to meeting people in my gym class. There's no pressure or pre-made thing about dating, just getting to know someone casually and slowly developing an interest in them. That's the best for me.

QUOTE
I'm not looking for someone to complete me, I'm looking for someone to compliment me. I just want someone who can be my best friend, who reciprocates my feelings for them, someone who its really just comfortable to be with (and we have great sex.) I'm an easy girl to be with. I have done so much work on myself in every kind of way to get to that place and I just fail to see why every fucking thing I get into doesn't work out. I'm even meeting truly nice guys nowadays, and it STILL doesn't work out.


I want that too. I've worked hard for years to get past my natural shyness, have had minor success in writing, have had a lot of varied experiences by myself or with others, and have slowly learned about my sexuality during the last few years (I was a late bloomer when it came to dating/sex). Although even though I've been called pretty/beautiful a lot in the last several years by both men and women, I still get self-conscious and think of myself as an average-looking nerd, and feel like I'm not sexy/cute enough for a guy to want me around for the long run.
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zoya
post Jan 3 2009, 05:31 PM
Post #139


uh huh.
***
Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


ok, I'm gonna have a pity party for a second.... I have a great life. I support myself 100% and I take good care of myself. I have great friends who are there for me. I live in a place I really love. Most everything in my world is fine and I'm happy with it.

Nearly everyone I know around me, and I truly do mean nearly EVERYONE I know, is in a good relationship. There are a couple of my friends who are struggling a bit with their relationships, but their partners are at into and willing to work on it. I don't understand why I don't seem to find any of that. I know it might sound like I'm saying "oh everyone is in a relationship and I should be too," but that's not what I mean - it just drives the point home that I can't even get anything off the ground. And it's been nearly 5 years since I broke up with my ex. It's not like I've only been single for a year or two.

I'm not looking for someone to complete me, I'm looking for someone to compliment me. I just want someone who can be my best friend, who reciprocates my feelings for them, someone who its really just comfortable to be with (and we have great sex.) I'm an easy girl to be with. I have done so much work on myself in every kind of way to get to that place and I just fail to see why every fucking thing I get into doesn't work out. I'm even meeting truly nice guys nowadays, and it STILL doesn't work out.

I'm not out actively looking for it - I think it should happen organically, and I don't really have a problem meeting guys that way, so it's not in the actual meeting of the guys... I don't feel like a victim, like something is against me, it's not that - I just don't understand. I just want to beat my head against the wall. I'm know this will pass, it always passes. (which in itself kinda sucks that I'm getting used to that) it's just that yet another fucking thing hasn't worked out, and I feel fucking awful right now.

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mumblestutter
post Jan 2 2009, 01:54 PM
Post #140


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 103
From: michigan


i do think that 12% has a point... there is some kind of exciting agony that comes with falling in love... hope that it will be something... fear that it won't. yea! - nervous energy. BUT i definalty agree w/ persi - rushing in to a relationship with someone who's a warm body is a waste of energy. i had a pretty meh relationship that lasted a couple of years. we never really liked eachother that much... but didn't really piss eachother off either so things just sort of went on... boringly for far longer than nesecary now that i look back on things.

i'm also 27 & have a couple of friends already divorcing. i'm not desperate to get married. i just really want a connection. i really *like* to share and create and explore with someone who... understands. i theory, i agree with the school of "age is just a number". But i cant help but feel skeezy/akward even thinking about guys who are still in college. from a young age, i'd been required to be responsible for alot. i don't act like an old lady at all & i've always had friends ranging in ages... but i guess it just feels like at a certain age difference i should be a friend or a mentor. not a romantic interest...
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