[deschatsrouge]

I am bipolar and have been so since the age of eight. My parents are inept and ignorant so instead of getting me treatment they beat me. The disease has wreaked havoc on my academics, has inhibited my ability to have good relationships and has alienated me from my family. I only got better when I decided I wanted to.(you can't decide you are not menatlly ill, but you can decide to seek treatment) I have found that having a good relationship with a clinician is important, a doctor is your link to health and productivity. I have good communication with my doctor, and because of that she has been able to find the right medication for me (seroquel). My advice, no one can get better for you, stay on your meds, keep your doctor appointments and don't give up hope.

[puppykitty]

I got my medication refilled the other day, and I feel better now.

I think you might be right about the mixed state. That is kind of how I feel. I have to call my doctor and see when I can see her again. She has been on vacation the past couple weeks.

I thought maybe I was wrong about the mania because of all the sleep I was getting. When I could actually fall asleep, I would sleep for 10-12 hours at a time, sometimes more. But while I was awake, I was feeling very high.

Before I started my medications, I wasn't able to work at all. I have been working full-time and doing very well for about 2 1/2 years. I just don't want the symptoms of whatever mental illness I may have to ruin this for me. I have a job right now that will look impressive on my resume if I can stick it out for a while and do well. It's just that the job is a bit stressful, and I am itching to move back to Chicago. That's where some of my family and friends live. I might have trouble finding a job unless I prove myself at the one I have now. Being sick is a challenge on top of the challenging work that I am doing. It adds to the stress level, and I'm afraid that people won't think I am any good at my job if I keep losing my focus because of mental illness.

I have shared with a couple of people at work about my illness, and they seemed to not think it was a big deal (as in, they don't think I am going to go on an axe-murdering rampage), so that's cool. But I don't want this to affect my job performance any more than it already has. I missed a few days of work, and I had that horrible night on Easter Sunday after running out of medication.

So, I hope my doc can balance out my medication so I will feel more stable and be able to focus more on my job.