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> Sex and Long-Term Relationships
thirtiesgirl
post Jul 28 2008, 11:19 AM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


Moonpie, it sounds to me like you've got your priorities straight and you're right to be worried about the disconnect. The kind of behavior you write that he's exhibiting would worry me, too. My suggestion might be to let him know that you'd like to have an important discussion with him and ask him when a good time for him might be. If he's obstinate about picking a time, let him know that you're open to discussing some time frame options because you don't want to just load him down with your feelings without giving him a chance to express his own and have the discussion be exactly that - a discussion, as opposed to just a one-sided conversation. Maybe give him some options - "Tuesday evening is a good time for me, or Friday afternoon..." Whatever works for you. If he's unwilling to pick a time, let him know that you'll give him a day to think about it and come up with a time. If he doesn't get back to you within a day, then let him know that you're going to have the discussion on Tuesday, Friday or whenever, and do it. That way, you've given him the option to be part of picking a time, but you're not discounting your own needs either. What's going on in your relationship is a big concern to you, and your feelings about it should not go unexpressed.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
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Moonpieluv
post Jul 27 2008, 07:36 PM
Post #2


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From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


((Sybarite))

"I think you need answers about why he's acting like he's acting, across the board."


I want to start by saying that your posts are truly thoughtful and well written. I have noticed this for some time. Not to say that I have not gathered the same from others, but I want to say thank you for your insight.
(((Sybarite love)))

In response, I truly believe that the only way I can approach any of this is by going across the board, as opposed to pinpointing sex necessarily. That is merely a "symptom", if you will, of a deeper story between us. I am not dismissing my insecurities, nor his. I just want to get to the root of this issue to truly know whether we can work through this with love and respect. Sex within itself is not what I'm looking for, nor worried about absolutely. It's our communication. It's the compromise you mentioned. The "As a Whole" concept, IMO, is the best way to potentially open up lines of intimacy.

In accordance with this thread, the sex that isn't happening as frequently as I would like...I don't want it merely for sexual pleasure essentially. It's sharing. and it's affirmation... yes. I do take your words from the committed thread about being hyper-sensitive in the beginning...I want that to be a potential reality for me...for that may bring me peace and an ability to see this thing through.

I am astonished that it's happening so soon. the disconnect. It went from him being either more aggressive or more compliant with my advances.... to I have to wait, hope... wait "is this a sexual advance?" to "oh, no...silly... it's not. just go to sleep"....to after two or so weeks.... "oh okay...it's finally finally going to happen?! wait....is this going to happen? can I touch him close to his undies? wait.. don't do it... okay, maybe he wants me too... Okay, he does...I'll just go for it... when is it okay for me to crawl on top of him" as that's the staple position with us. I don't know if you can decipher or understand all that, but I think what I'm trying to get at... is that I've never had such an issue communicating sexually with anyone in my life. nor have I felt so rejected or confused. I have gotten scolded on more than one occasion for making sexual advances on a normal evening enough to make me gunshy.

Speaking on being accustomed to getting your way, I will say that I am a strong-willed woman. I've been told that since kindergarten. There has been a two men that have almost broke my spirit... and a great fear of mine and my father is that I will have to settle for someone that doesn't respect that spirit nor encourage it. This man told me that he understood that good and well. My parents won't come visit us until we as a couple are leveled out. What I'm finding is that a good great talk is in order, because I would rather be a single mother of artificial sperm than this.

Now.. if I just knew the right time? Well, not tomorrow.... tuesday?

((stargazer)) ((tes))) ((sybarite)) hearts to you... wub.gif
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sybarite
post Jul 27 2008, 02:03 PM
Post #3


it's cards on the table time
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(((Moonpieluv))) I have to agree w/ tes: this is one situation where talking doesn't necessarily help. I went through a similar sexual disconnect with my current mister years ago and it really upset and confused (and frustrated) me. In our case it was symptomatic of a larger mismatch between us at that time, and things eventually got better, but for us it was an eventual, organic process. We talked about our relationship's problems as a whole, and as it got better so did the sex.

But every situation is different. My feeling is that it's a bit soon for such a sexual disconnect, but that it's one of several things going on with you two. To be honest, it sounds like your guy is having problems with both the idea and the reality of compromise. I understand this, because both my mister and I are hellbent on getting our own way, something exacerbated by both of us living as single people for years before we got together.

I think you'll have to talk to him. It may be that he simply hasn't taken on board what living together actually entails on a daily basis and is hoarding his puter time as a reaction. He may also feel you and his family are ganging up on him--none of these responses of his are necessarily fair or reasonable, they may just explain why he seems to be closing himself off. I think you need answers about why he's acting like he's acting, across the board.

(((MPL))) Good luck...
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Moonpieluv
post Jul 27 2008, 11:46 AM
Post #4


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From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Thanks for the reply Stargazer....

No, I don't feel better for it.. but that's not your fault. It's just the reality of the situation.
I'm on the verge of heartbreak, I think.
And I really want... I truly want to believe that somehow some great change or fog will lift and sun will start shining on this relationship, as I've invested SOOO much. I've risked SOOO much.
I don't want to throw in the towel because of that.

A big...like BIG-O-SAURUS talk is impending.
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stargazer
post Jul 27 2008, 10:01 AM
Post #5


brown delicious
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QUOTE(Moonpieluv @ Jul 27 2008, 12:11 PM) *
Mostly what I get from our talks is that his way is the highway, that if I have a concern with something then there's something WRONG with me, and by cod, this is how he is and he ain't changin for nobody.

Thanks for all your tips, suggestions.... I have made some of those mistakes... and I do wonder if it's performance anxiety... but then I find that even if I do wait a week or two to attempt a sexual move... I'm rejected. with the statement "you always want sex" like there is something inherently wrong with me for wanting to have sex with him or sex in general. Of course, he would take an offered blowjob with no intention of reciprocating. I am fully aware that I am a sexually attractive woman. I do not think that I would have a problem acquiring that affirmation. I want to be with HIM.

If I can't talk about it with him, then where does that leave me? I'm on the fence as to whether it's perform. anxiety or straight up narcissicism.



based on what you have shared moonpieluv, it sounds like the latter than the former. meaning it sounds like some selfishness on his part. that is just the feeling i get from your post. and if he has acted this way with his own family, then it is not surprising that he is this way with you. at least he is consistently self-occupied. i'm sure this info is not making you feel better. it just disheartens me to hear your unhappiness. you sound like you feel very alone in this relationship. that's not good. it also sounds like you are doing alot of the work.

(((moon)))


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Moonpieluv
post Jul 27 2008, 09:54 AM
Post #6


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From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


Tes---
We have been living with each other since May and dating since Feb. We reconnected after 10 years and were doing ldr until I decided to take the risk and move in with him in May, feeling so sure that he was/is "the one", if you will. I knew that it was a risky move, but since we were living ldr... I figured why not? I had nothing holdin me down in the previous city. I also realize that the first few months or even years of living with someone can be touch and go, even when you have been dating previously for a number of months or years. Our relationship spawned and was taken to the next level very very quickly. But, as I said, we felt like this was some cosmic union. hokey, yes... but I honestly felt that way.
Stress? Well, I would say three main things:
1. Having to adjust to living single for soooo long, and then suddenly having that not so .
2. His shifting to a more responsible role with his job. He works for his father's business and will ultimately be handed that position when his father retires. If he doesn't perform well or give it his all, there could be a possiblity of him being bought out. Not sure if he realizes that yet, but as his mother said... He better get his priorities straight. He's had it relatively easy up until this transitioning.
3. Having to adjust to the fact that relationships take compromise, communication... work. Having been single and living single for so long has enabled him to grow stubbornly accustomed to doing things HIS way when HE wants to do them. Staying up til the wee hours playing puter games with an old crochety bachelor, playing puter games while on FAMILY vacation, setting his own hours, etc. aka I've been told by his family that "he needs to grow up". Never mind the fact that he explicitly told me that he would forego gaming to do an activity with me any time... that is he told me that BEFORE I moved in with him.

How do we communicate? Two main issues--his incessant puter gaming/surfing solo and with said trolly bachelor and sex (libido, fourplay, give/receive, general emotional tenderness)
Well, I would say that when we do finally start talking, it goes relatively well some of the time, but I still believe that he takes a very one-sided logic. I think he has an elementary ability to be empathic. Mostly what I get from our talks is that his way is the highway, that if I have a concern with something then there's something WRONG with me, and by cod, this is how he is and he ain't changin for nobody.

Thanks for all your tips, suggestions.... I have made some of those mistakes... and I do wonder if it's performance anxiety... but then I find that even if I do wait a week or two to attempt a sexual move... I'm rejected. with the statement "you always want sex" like there is something inherently wrong with me for wanting to have sex with him or sex in general. Of course, he would take an offered blowjob with no intention of reciprocating. I am fully aware that I am a sexually attractive woman. I do not think that I would have a problem acquiring that affirmation. I want to be with HIM.

If I can't talk about it with him, then where does that leave me? I'm on the fence as to whether it's perform. anxiety or straight up narcissicism.
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tesao
post Jul 19 2008, 10:44 PM
Post #7


olha, que coisa mais linda.....
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moonpie - first off, let me say that i feel you. this is a tricky situation, and it *can* be made worse by "taking the bull by the horns", so to speak. you can bet that he has noticed the situation, and that it does NOT make him feel good about himself.

that said, although you have told us some specifics, there are a lot of other variables that can affect sexual desire. you say you've been together since February - but (and you may have already said this, i'm coming to the conversation late) - what is your living situation? do you live together or separately? what else is going on in his life? do you know? you said that he isn't stressed -- but do you actually know what is happening with him in work, school, family, whatever? sometimes guys who have trouble communicating in the sexual arena also have trouble communicating in general.

six months (less, actually) isn't that long. if you have told him more than once (and his comment about "this isn't about the sexual thing again, is it?" leads me to believe that you have, he could very well be suffering from performance anxiety. trust me, this is a TOTAL turn off for a guy. and the problem there is that it is just one of those vicious cycles.

some general advice (which you may very well have done already):

don't ever talk about touchy sex issues while actually IN the bedroom (or wherever). what i mean by this is not to talk about sex issues anywhere just before, just after or especially DURING sex. we are all much more vulnerable at that time, and inclined to take even the smallest issue and blow it up totally out of proportion.

does he do this with other issues that you two have had? how do the two of you communicate best about other issues?

i would suggest approaching it several different ways.

first, do something for yourself, and ONLY for yourself, that make YOU feel sexy. get a pedicure. get a massage. buy yourself something extravagant. hell, go out to a club and flirt and see what kind of feedback you get. the important part is that it doesn't sound like you are feeling good about yourself as a sexual being, and that shows. you need to get your mojo back.

sex games are good. there are board games that are made for this, but you can make them up. you each right down things that you like sexually. put them all in a bowl. next time you are anywhere near being in the mood, choose one. if it is one of his, do exactly what he wants, concentrate only on that. don't put your own desires into it. when it is one of yours, you will get that back, concentration only on you. set up ground rules that state this in advance.
the sex acts don't need to lead to orgasm. say, for instance, that i ADORE having my neck nuzzled, licked, bitten. i would write that down - and state, for five minutes. he picks that, and has to do that, and only that, for 5 minutes.

you need to set aside time for this. and a good amount of time. ensure that there won't be any other distractions (no kids. no cell phones ringing. no other commitments)

my experience is that the more you try to talk about this issue, the worse it gets - it is too much pressure, and that is a buzz - and a hard on - killer.

i have other ideas, but i'd like to get some more feedback from you about your living situation and what else is going on in both of your lives, as well as how you two generally adress other problems.

we've got your back, grrlfriend!
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Moonpieluv
post Jul 9 2008, 01:10 PM
Post #8


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From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


it will be two weeks tomorrow since we have been intimate sexually. Before that it was somewhere between 3 or 4 days intervals that consisted of quickies, if you will, with no round 2. I have tried to playfully initiate even a french kiss and got rejected. I attempted to confront the issue, which was more a tearful "what's wrong" approach... bad move, I know.. .but I was just so frustrated, confused, rejected, emotional. His response was abrasive and dismissive. A "is this about the sex thing again?". We haven't had a skiff about anything lately... he hasn't been acting depressed or withdrawn or even particularly stressed out... He is relatively jolly and hugs and kisses me a lot...

As I said, He has been affectionate and mildly cuddly during the day, but then nada when we hit the bedroom. no sexual responsiveness at all, even with lingerie... flirtatious comments...

Situational irony, catch 22... I'm trying the non-chalant route, like it doesn't bother me... not expecting anything route cause I just don't know how to approach this. But, i'm afraid that it's just abetting this non-communicative and non-sexual behavior. Meanwhile, I'm feeling rejected, unattractive, and lonely. I know within myself that I'm worthy of love and affection, and am attractive. It's not that sex comprises all to a relationship, but it is a sure-fire bet that someone is attracted to you, and aids in experiencing and sustaining a loving relationship.

I haven't tried, nor mentioned anything since last thurs. Mainly because I am at a loss as to how to approach it seeing as last time I was met with aggression. I have never had such a problem, nor felt pinned from communication. We have not been dating, nor living, with each other very long. I'm seriously thinking I made a boo-boo.

blargh...



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thirtiesgirl
post Jul 8 2008, 03:35 PM
Post #9


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Posts: 580
From: Loss Angeles


QUOTE(dayglowpink @ Jun 29 2008, 07:02 PM) *
Another issue that came up that's pretty serious to me but that I don't really know how to handle or even think about- he's been going down on me less and less, and it really bums me out. I finally brought this up to him. He's told me before that it's one of his favorite things to do in bed, so I knew it wasn't some issue of his. But apparently he feels like we are just not compatible in this area I guess because of the positioning that I like being physically uncomfortable for him. I have a hard time orgasming, and I like to lay flat on my back with my legs straight out in order to come, and somehow that causes him a lot of frustration and discomfort. Or something. I don't know if that's the whole thing; I didn't really get him to elaborate, because it really hurts my feelings, and it's hard for me to even have a conversation about it without getting upset. So my head's kind of spinning on that one, because he feels like it may be something that can't be resolved. And I find myself in the situation of asking myself whether that's a deal breaker for me. I have never been in that position before. Everyone I've ever had sex with has been super into it, and it's never been an issue. It's weird.

I think just the fact that you and your partner are talking about it is a good thing. That's the first step in discovering whether the issue can be resolved between you or not. I know it sounds weird, but just the simple but powerful act of putting your feelings into words, getting them out of your head & heart and into your mouth so you can communicate them with your partner, is a type of 'block removal' about this issue with your partner. The more you keep the lines of communication open, ask for his feelings and share yours in return, the more blocks will be removed, you'll have more wiggle room in your head, and perhaps a solution will begin to present itself. Hopefully, you guys can practice some oral sex techniques while you're at it and not just psychologically work on the issues, but physically, too. Solutions can present themselves in many different ways.


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I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
-Mae West
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dayglowpink
post Jul 7 2008, 05:59 PM
Post #10


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Posts: 519
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Yes, yes, yes. I take a long time to get to orgasm as well, and it's only when I'm with someone else. I mean, occasionally when I'm masturbating I can't seem to get there, but usually it's pretty quick. I get impatient, too, though, and just want to rush to my orgasm. When I'm with my guy, sometimes I just won't be able to orgasm at all, and that's frustrating, too. For a long time I could never come with someone else, though, so at least it's improving. Right now I'm not able to come during intercourse at all, even if I use my hand on my clit. That sux at times, too, because I get more horny as we're doing it, and after he comes, I just want to come, but he's all worn out and sleepy. A lot of times I just end up masturbating while he passes out. I love the psychological aspect of quickies, him just grabbing me and throwing me onto the bed or whatever, but I can't say that's super physically satisfying for me either.
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crinoline
post Jul 7 2008, 04:50 PM
Post #11


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From: Deep South, U.S.A.


QUOTE(konphusion26 @ Jul 7 2008, 03:25 AM) *
Here lately I've been having a problem with getting my needs met through intercourse. It takes me so long to get aroused and ready, by then he's almost done.

-been there.
It seems to take me a long time both to get aroused and to orgasm. The boy is always so impatient, he tries to rush through foreplay to "get to the good part". And then once we get there, he has to put a real effort into lasting long enough for it to start feeling good for me (I often have pain at the beginning). It sometimes gets so bad that he skips kissing altogether and just tries to pinch my nipples or rub my crotch, which I'm just not up for at the very beginning. Sometimes it's hot to rush, but I'd really like to know how it feels to take things slowly.
I've totally called him on this, and he'll agree to try and put more time in, but then when we start again it's just another race to the finish. I know he tries, and I love that he gets so eager for me, I just don't know what to do. I've actually faked a few orgasms when I'm not even close because I knew he couldn't last and I don't want him to feel bad.

I sometimes get really self conscious that it takes me so long, I can always sense his impatience. The thing is that it doesn't take me all that long by myself (maybe because I start out slow?), and I'm much more turned on when I'm with him... I don't know what's wrong with me.

(on the plus side, we just had a great weekend, so I'll head over to portions...)


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LoveMyPugs
post Jul 7 2008, 10:31 AM
Post #12







for me it's about time put into the act. if it's a quick session i just don't get a lot out of it. even if i come it's just not satisifying. when i say quick i mean like kiss, lube, sex. when i say long session i mean, kiss, oral, maybe some rough stuff, sex, change position, sex, anal, me orgasming over and over. it just seems like when there is more involved i'm exhausted and i hit the bed worn out. then i'm satisfied.

the other day (while on vacation) Mr. Pug and I were in the pool, both drunk. We got back to the house. Our friend Chris was sitting on the couch and we went upstairs to "change". On our way up the stairs Chris actually said, "Have fun you two." We were up there for a while and it was so great. I think that was Friday and I'm still very satisfied even now on Monday. Also, it was an intense session and I'm a little bit sore so that is another reason we are on break from sex.

you do put yourself in a different mind set during vacation. there is no worries. the first day we got the shore our friend JR said, "So what's on the agenda for you two tomorrow."

I looked at Mr. Pug and he said, "We don't really have an agenda while on vacation." I sighed with relief because I wanted to spend time together and didn't want to be pressured into running here and there. I wanted to sleep in, lounge around, stay up late, drink, eat and be merry oh and also FUCK LIKE RABBITS. You can't do that when you both work and have a house, pets and/or kids. There is just no time. Sad really sad.gif
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shinyx3
post Jul 7 2008, 10:11 AM
Post #13


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pugs, let me just say, i sooooo need a vacation with the hubby right now. you are totally right about great sex and lots of it on vacations. i think it is because you put yourself in a different mind set about life. like now it is ok to relax and have fun because you are 'on vacation'.

i also get really agitated if i really need sex and i think it is more than having an orgasm that i need because masturbation will not help this. (just makes me more moody). hubby is pretty good about recognizing this and taking me to bed.


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"Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acids stain you; and drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; nooses give; gas smells awful; you might as well live."
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vegdumpling
post Jul 7 2008, 09:44 AM
Post #14


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pugs- what it is about vacation?! whenever we go away we have fabulous sex several times a day and then we come home and once a day is too much.

oh and the teasing, yeah my boy will tease me because he enjoys it but then not be in the mood for sex at all. he knows i'll take care of my own needs but still, why make a girl hope you are in a sexy mood when you aren't?
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vegdumpling
post Jul 7 2008, 09:40 AM
Post #15


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konphusion26- OMG yes! it's so incredibly frustrating when the timing works out so that just as i'm about to come he does and i don't get to. for like the first year we were together he was taking anti-depressants and i know that people say it's a negative most of the time but it's like he had to work for it and i was a multiple orgasm girl because i had enough time. okay, horrible run-on but i'm not in the mood to fix it. after he got off the meds, he recognised that i needed more time than he did and we always had extended foreplay to make up for it. but now? 5 years in and it's like sometimes he forgets...

and i get pissed off too. i've had talks with him but it doesn't seem to sink in permanently i need to keep going back and reminding him. talking does help but in my case it's a talk we have over and over which is frustrating in and of itself. so i don't have much advice and perhaps talking will help you more consistently than it helps me.
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LoveMyPugs
post Jul 7 2008, 07:20 AM
Post #16







konphusion26 - With me either I'm really horny and he's all about it. We'll have really vigirous sex and I'll be satisified for days. There are other times where I'm horny and he's not but we'll do it anyway and like you, 20 minutes later I'm ready for round two and he's passed out. also, there are times where i'm really horny and there just isn't a good time for us to come together because of work, family, friends or what not. usually, this is when i have a self session with the wand. i don't think mr. pug really cares either way. i mean he always gets his when he wants it and i usually get something when i need it. i find that if i'm horny and i don't get anything i'll get very aggitated with everything especially him. also, the longer i don't get it the less i want it. for example, if i try to initiate over and over and i keep getting shot down or something keep getting in the way I'll just give up. i know this probably doesn't help but when i have self sessions with the hitachi i totally wipe myself out with it. i'll come over and over again sometimes more then a dozen times until i'm really satisfied. it's funny because when i'm really horny and practically humping mr. pug's leg, he'll mess with me about it, teasing me and what not. eventually, if he teases for too long i get really pissed then i'll be like, "Forget it then." then i'm angry, not mentally in the mood, but still physically horny. these times suck. what's really hard is that we just went on the fabulous vacation and had sex practically every day. we were all over each other all week. now, we are back home and back to the grind and things will slow down again. i'm already depressed about it. mr. pug and i have never been on the same page when it comes to our sex drives. it's frustrating. all i can tell you is that maybe you need to have a down right blunt conversation with him about how you are not getting your needs fullfilled. maybe you need to try something different? did any of this help? probably not...i'm a confusing advice giver. dry.gif
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konphusion26
post Jul 7 2008, 02:08 AM
Post #17


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Here lately I've been having a problem with getting my needs met through intercourse. It takes me so long to get aroused and ready, by then he's almost done. I'm so frustrated sitting here typing this. We actually had some pretty decent spontaneous sex tonight. It was nice, very intimate, lots of kissing, etc. But, after he finished, I was still wanting more. I went to take a shower, came back and cuddled a bit. 15-20 min later, I was ready to go again. He was apparently more interested in Pirates of the Carribean and checking myspace on his phone. I kept trying to get his attention, touching him in certain places... he pretty much was unresponsive to my advances. He fell asleep with his arm around me, and I got up to post on bust. BLAH... I guess i'll have to pull out the wand tomorrow. I don't feel like dealing with that noise right now.

Funny thing is, the last time we made love, I came 2 times. That in itself is rare. I rarely orgasm with sex or manual stimulation anymore. He just doesn't put in the time. He tries sometimes. I guess thats why i'm so angry at 4am. i"m still awake, while he's satisfied and sleeping like a baby. I've also talked to him about this before. I don't know what else to do. Masturbating is not really working for me anymore, just leaves me hornier.

Any thoughts?? Anyone else experienced this with husbands?


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dayglowpink
post Jul 6 2008, 03:57 PM
Post #18


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Posts: 519
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Haven't been around since I made that last post. Thanks for the replies. GT- what you said at the end was really helpful. I tried really hard recently to listen to him and not get upset and sensitive about it, because that's what has always happened in the past, and it just cuts the conversation short and does nothing to solve the problem. We've talked about it more since then, and I feel more optimistic about things. He's willing to work on it, so that's good.
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vegdumpling
post Jul 3 2008, 10:38 PM
Post #19


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From: NYC


moonpie, i really hope that talk is successful. perhaps he is upset about something unrelated and it's effecting his libido. my boy has been pretty down and sex was almost non existent for like a month or so (yay, it's back just recently) but i know even though i suffered it didn't have much to do with me.

in general, he is definitely less sexual than me. i want him every day but he hasn't been like that for a few years. if it is the case of you just not having matching libidos... well, there has to be a way to get around that and leave you both satisfied. i guess i'm lucky to have a guy that understands that and lets me have my me time. it's his joke that the world would be a happier place if only everyone masturbated a little more, except me. good luck on your talk.
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vegdumpling
post Jul 3 2008, 10:27 PM
Post #20


BUSTie
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Posts: 18
From: NYC


dayglow, i get your frustrations about attitude perhaps not synching and the diminishing oral sex. for me it went down (pun not intended) a bit different, my boy has told me for the longest time that he enjoys a more subtle come on than i was giving. i enjoy being the agressor and initiator which is odd because i'm completely opposite during sex, anyway, i tried being more "coy." confidence isn't a bad thing but sometimes playing a role that is too far from your natural inclinations can be a turn off. at least it was for me and despite his predictions that he would be more turned on, he seemed to be turned off as well because we had hardly any sex. i guess i'd have to say that the experiment ended well because it seemed to jumpstart our appreciation for who we already are and our sex life again. you totally deserve to enjoy who you naturally are in the bedroom and be confident in that but don't be afraid to try something new, sometimes it ends well even when it goes badly.

the going down stuff, i've got nothing. he always told me it was something he loved and he does it so well but as time goes on he wants to do it less. i'm the only long term girlfriend he's ever had and i just suppose that as horrible as it sounds i'm just not something new to explore anymore. we've been together like 5 years and it's become a bargaining term for him to get out of something he really doesn't want to do. i really hate that because everything about him is still such a turn on for me but i really don't know what to do about it.
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