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> Sex and Long-Term Relationships
BustiRubi
post Jul 3 2008, 10:15 PM
Post #21


BUSTie
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Posts: 53
From: Santa Cruz, CA


Oral, not the most important thing for everyone but a sometimes touchy and taboo for some.
I noticed at first he wouldn't really initiate it himself, then later I would begin to bring it up-to which he did not complain.
The last times were different because he actually initiated it himself.

There could be an issue of confidence, or at least something along those lines. I guess guys may worry about pleasing the woman and maybe it just comes down to experience. Because I noticed the more he did it the more into he got it was different than the first time, for sure.

I have to admit that I'm not always 100% into the idea of me giving a guy oral especially with some past experiences.
but to myself I figured it was something I wanted to do especially for him without even talking about it with him...it turns out it's not his most favorite thing.

It's not my most favorite thing either...or not yet at least. I'm just willing to explore before really saying I don't enjoy or am not comfortable doing something. Especially If I know it will make him happy, because that does please me. Naturally, I feel that I am a sexual person and I don't want to pressure him to always do some things but I think there is an amount of respect shown if you at least try it. That is why there is form of communication called talking. I would have never known that he just can't come during oral....or not yet.....heheh. There will be another time for that conversation or that experimentation.

Reading these posts makes me step back a little and wonder how much he is enjoying it because of me and how much he actually wants to enjoy it himself...


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Moonpieluv
post Jul 3 2008, 08:53 PM
Post #22


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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


did I kill the thread? Ima so sorry. sheesh. uh... it's been a week since he has initiated any sexual advance. I've inadvertantly tried without being blatant using affection and cuddling and what not... cause I feel like I'm against a brick wall.... like it's not okay for me to initiate this particular expression of love in a supposedly romantic, loving relationship.

houston... I think we have a problem?

HELP! I think I need to direct this post to the mating game thread... duh... whadya think?

p.s. I wanna whistle... "if I only had a brain"... do dah doodle dah do dah doooo... and then skip a little.
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Moonpieluv
post Jun 30 2008, 08:33 AM
Post #23


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 354
From: barebacking a pink fuzzy unicorn


((dayglow)) thought I'd post in this thread, as my reply is concerned with going down and sex in general....
I have the same frustration with this area. I think that I can count on one hand how many times Mr. Luv has plunged. We have been together since Feb. OUCH!! right? I will say that most of the time, I am extremely moist before he would even get to that part... so I have skipped it and went straight for penetration. And I haven't outrightly asked for it either... usually because I am so responsive.

However, I always warm him up because I enjoy oral-I enjoy pleasing him... and there are times where he does other things to stimulate me below--fingers and such. BUT---it would be nice if he initiated oral like he has done before more often. He does a good job. I have never had any complaints....my ex was always up for the 69, etc. After the big ex, another guy I dated didn't do as much... but still did it.
So, this leads me to think... again... maybe he's just not that into it. All people are different, so I don't want to shun him for it, but....

Should I be reading into this?
I have had the talk with him concerning the frequency of sex... his response "I'm just not as sexual as you are apparently". "It's not as important to me". As I realize that sex is a healthy part of a relationship, it isn't all of a committed, romantic relationship. I ask myself... is it just that I'm used to men being more sexual as experienced in my past? am I just a frisky gal? (I have been told that I am) I do like it a bit kinky...

He doesn't talk openly about the functions of sex... nor does he use sexy talk in bed... he prefers to say "i love you" and use my name instead (which totally turns me on). Sexy lingerie doesn't seem to phase him, although I haven't whipped out my betsy johnson stuff yet.... rolleyes.gif ((Dayglow)) do you feel similar to how he feels? Does it sound like he may have a confidence issue?

I used to be more aggressive with him in the beginning, but now... I feel like I'm this wildcat seizing its prey. sigh....
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girltrouble
post Jun 29 2008, 08:04 PM
Post #24


new highs in personal lows daily!
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Posts: 4,307
From: wherever ink is put in skin...


dayglow, you might try rollplay to get into the whole sexy confidance thing. i know it sounds like a recipe for more silly/awkwardness, but you have to go at it like an actress, and not break character. but choose a roll that you feel comfortable with, and stay in that mind set. one thing that helps me is to make that roll very subtle at first so if it doesn't work for you, you don't have to feel embarassed about it in front of your partner, but then you can try amping it up, and see if that can get you out of your playful/silly mindset.

but for what it's worth, my favorite gf's were all silly/playful, and there is room to be confidant in that playfulness. further, they were some of the best lovers i've had. that playfulness made doing some creative, imaginative, and sometimes kinky things, not just fun, but stimulating, compelling and very enjoyable. perhaps he just doesn't know when he's got a good thing, and can't see the forrest for the trees.

as for the going down business, i know it kinda hurts, to hear these things, if, and it's not a requirement, if you want to fix what is going on with him, you need to make space for him to tell his truth without getting hurt feelings. i know that's a tall order, but if you go with your emotions, he can't tell you, because to do so is to hurt you. but as i said, this is not a requirement.

best of luck. it's not an easy situation, and i hope whatever choice you make gets you to a happier dayglow, cos from where i sit, you are pretty extraordinary.


--------------------

"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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dayglowpink
post Jun 29 2008, 07:45 PM
Post #25


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


So we had two more big talks about our sex life within the past week. The outlook is fair. I'll say that I have a much better understanding of his side of things. Even though nothing super new came out, something about the way he explained it made me get it in a different way than I ever have. It seems that one of his biggest turn-ons is confidence in the bedroom, and it's just something I don't have. I am more of the goofy, self-conscious type, and I am terrible at being seductive and confident in my ability to turn him on. He'd be into me wearing sexy lingerie and high heels or whatever and not being silly and embarrassed about it, but that seems so hard to me. I'm more comfortable being straightforward and not bothering with the whole sexy flirtacious game aspect of it. But I would love to be able to do that for him and for myself, really. When I even think about it, though, it just seems foreign and embarrassing. I know if I did it with confidence and self-assurance he'd be into it, but I don't know if I can talk myself out of the self-consciousness.

Another issue that came up that's pretty serious to me but that I don't really know how to handle or even think about- he's been going down on me less and less, and it really bums me out. I finally brought this up to him. He's told me before that it's one of his favorite things to do in bed, so I knew it wasn't some issue of his. But apparently he feels like we are just not compatible in this area I guess because of the positioning that I like being physically uncomfortable for him. I have a hard time orgasming, and I like to lay flat on my back with my legs straight out in order to come, and somehow that causes him a lot of frustration and discomfort. Or something. I don't know if that's the whole thing; I didn't really get him to elaborate, because it really hurts my feelings, and it's hard for me to even have a conversation about it without getting upset. So my head's kind of spinning on that one, because he feels like it may be something that can't be resolved. And I find myself in the situation of asking myself whether that's a deal breaker for me. I have never been in that position before. Everyone I've ever had sex with has been super into it, and it's never been an issue. It's weird.
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BustiRubi
post Jun 19 2008, 05:22 PM
Post #26


BUSTie
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Posts: 53
From: Santa Cruz, CA


I just realized I could have posted that in the Portions thread...

but I it does really stress me out that things won't be the same once we both get busier and living situations change.

at the same time I believe this time away from each other will fire up our sex life a A LOT. We should be rested up, hopefully, hehe. If we took advantage of these moments after weeks of "tired-sex-during-finals-weeks"/ Sex once a week , then I'd like to see what September will be like...Or even July If I get to see him again sooner.


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BustiRubi
post Jun 19 2008, 05:14 PM
Post #27


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Posts: 53
From: Santa Cruz, CA


QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Feb 19 2008, 12:19 AM) *
you both would probably fuck all day long if you had the time and energy. honestly, to me it's just life getting in the way.
*hug*


LIFE, indeed. I'm a little bummed that since we both are on our summer vacation school won't be stressing us out and cutting in on out together time, but the bad news is he wont be back at home with me because he's staying to work- i won't see him in 3 months :/

The good thing is that he is here for a couple weeks days and yesterday was just perfect! while I was home alone, he came over and we spent the afternoon having sweet sweaty dirty sex in my bedroom wink.gif
we went out and and came home spooned and fooled around in my room and "watched movies" while my parents were home...most of the time I was falling asleep because I didn't get much sleep the night before ( talking dirty to him on AIM until 3 am. then waking up at 7 for a dr.'s apt)

Before we know it it was 12 midnight and we had sex tiwice within the hour (while my parents were asleep in the room next door) I was so nervous because I have never done that before..and tend to be kinda loud. It was HOT! I whispered to him that I wanted to scream his name soo loud (i've never actually done it before but I wanted to then, i just stick to "babe") we tend to call each other pet names for fun not during sex really... the cheesiest ones get you more points hahaha. the day was so wonderful and we haven't had so much time to do that in soo long.
Summer has definitely come like cinnamon...soooo sweeet!





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deathaniexo
post Jun 11 2008, 08:39 PM
Post #28


BUSTie
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Posts: 10
From: Passaic, NJ


QUOTE(dayglowpink @ May 17 2008, 10:21 PM) *
bumping this thread back up

Ugh. Need to vent. I'm having issues with my boy and our sex life right now. I can't even begin to explain all the complicated aspects of what's going on, but we're in a major rut and a power struggle of sorts over sex, and it really sux. The funny thing is that everything else about our relationship is going great and better than it ever has been. And it seems a little ironic, because our relationship started as exclusively sexual. I'm irritated about it and being super obstinate, and I've decided that I'm not going to initiate sex at all for a while. It's pretty much hardheaded and stubborn, but for the time being I don't care. We've tried to talk about the issues so many times, and the conversation never seems to end up going anywhere. We both talk about how frustrated we are and what bothers us, but we never break out of the old pattern. It makes me sad, too, because we're both such sexual people, and there is so much potential for us to have a really great sex life, but I guess each of us has certain issues in the way that we're having a hard time getting over. Hope this is a phase and we'll get through it.


I had the very same situation in my relationship not too long ago. i felt the same way, i was sad and frustrated and decided well "f that" i'm not gonna even try. realistically, there is probably something bothering both of you that you may not even realize. after 3 1/2 years together, my partner and i decided to try something new and have a semi-open relationship and then we were on FIRE. I'm not suggesting opening your relationship, maybe you guys should just try something new to both of to re-ignite your sex life.
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LoveMyPugs
post May 21 2008, 04:04 PM
Post #29







Mr. Pug and I will both say each others name during the heat of the moment. I love when he uses my name. It's a huge turn on for me. Gues it's a couple to couple thing. Whatever rubs your budda right? laugh.gif
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p_176
post May 20 2008, 02:51 PM
Post #30


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 532
From: Baltimore


my guy loves the saying of names in the throes of making love. it reaffirms that you are connected with the person you're making love with.
i know that sounds really corny~ :-)
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AsparagusBerry
post May 20 2008, 02:20 PM
Post #31


BUSTie
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Posts: 12


QUOTE(crinoline @ Feb 18 2008, 11:37 AM) *
I discovered something about my relationship last night.
It's always bothered me that Crinoboy never, ever says my name in the context of sex. Once we start getting amorous, I'm strictly "baby". I confronted him about it, and he got really uncomfortable. It's like by avoiding using my name he's been hoping to somehow "leave me out of it". Because I'm a "lady", he thought that by never using my name I could somehow still remain "pure".
Talk about your madonna/whore dichotomy.
So I explained how that makes me feel (bad/left out) and he was willing to try it. So last night, for the first time he used my name while I was doing something "dirty". It was awesome! It was hot and intimate and beautiful. I think we both realized that we were holding ourselves back in some ways because of our culture and preconceptions.
Now I can't wait to try it again. It sounds like a small thing, but it felt like a big step for us.


You know, I have often thought about saying my mans name during sex, but it has never ever felt right. I almost feel fake even thinking about saying his name...because its not something I have ever done before. I do have a friend who regularly uses names in bed...lets just say, two relationships...in a row ended because of it.
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dayglowpink
post May 17 2008, 09:04 PM
Post #32


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


bumping this thread back up

Ugh. Need to vent. I'm having issues with my boy and our sex life right now. I can't even begin to explain all the complicated aspects of what's going on, but we're in a major rut and a power struggle of sorts over sex, and it really sux. The funny thing is that everything else about our relationship is going great and better than it ever has been. And it seems a little ironic, because our relationship started as exclusively sexual. I'm irritated about it and being super obstinate, and I've decided that I'm not going to initiate sex at all for a while. It's pretty much hardheaded and stubborn, but for the time being I don't care. We've tried to talk about the issues so many times, and the conversation never seems to end up going anywhere. We both talk about how frustrated we are and what bothers us, but we never break out of the old pattern. It makes me sad, too, because we're both such sexual people, and there is so much potential for us to have a really great sex life, but I guess each of us has certain issues in the way that we're having a hard time getting over. Hope this is a phase and we'll get through it.
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sassygrrl
post Feb 27 2008, 11:38 AM
Post #33


sassygrrl
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Posts: 2,021
From: Bumblefuck


Add Mcgeek to the list. It annoys the hell out of me!!
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nickclick
post Feb 26 2008, 07:04 PM
Post #34


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


totally... mr.nick also has the sleep apnea. he works full-time, teaches lessons and has gigs/rehearsals. i get WHY he's tired. i just don't get why he'd rather not spend his precious free time nekkid with the hot girl he loves! i get plenty of snuggles and affection, that's for sure. am i being spoiled?
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konphusion26
post Feb 26 2008, 01:20 PM
Post #35


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 737
From: In My own lil world...


Dang are our guys brothers or something????? I get that "i'm tired" stuff too. Then again, mine might actually BE tired because he has untreated sleep apnea. It sucks cuz my sex drive is like 20 times higher than his so I'm left awake and annoyed and totally in the mood but can't do anything about it. Gaah!


--------------------
Faith is hoping for and believing in things you cannot see!
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LoveMyPugs
post Feb 26 2008, 08:18 AM
Post #36







QUOTE(nickclick @ Feb 23 2008, 12:19 PM) *
ha a, pun intended?

while i understand that boring life stuff gets in the way of the sex life we all want, sometimes i get annoyed with mr.nick because he's too tired. i'm like - why are you choosing sleep over sex with me? he's like - i won't be at my best if i don't have the energy. but i don't need it to be the best ever, just better than nothing.


laugh.gif no it wasn't intended...but it was funny!!

yes, i get annoyed too. sleep? and sleep over sex? sex is like pizza..even when it's bad it's still pretty good. come on now!!
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dayglowpink
post Feb 25 2008, 08:11 PM
Post #37


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 519
From: the shallow south


Thanks for the comments. I'm sure all the reasons behind it are complicated. Ugh. Feeling negative about it right now, but I'm in a bad mood. dry.gif
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nickclick
post Feb 23 2008, 11:02 AM
Post #38


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 2,134
From: jersey


QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Feb 19 2008, 12:19 AM) *
(hopefully not *knock on wood*). it will get better. smile.gif
ha a, pun intended?

while i understand that boring life stuff gets in the way of the sex life we all want, sometimes i get annoyed with mr.nick because he's too tired. i'm like - why are you choosing sleep over sex with me? he's like - i won't be at my best if i don't have the energy. but i don't need it to be the best ever, just better than nothing.
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sybarite
post Feb 23 2008, 08:09 AM
Post #39


it's cards on the table time
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Posts: 1,993


Dayglowpink, if there are ongoing tensions you can bet they'll come out during sex. When my mister and I were going through a rough patch I was full of resentment and sex became this tense, almost dishonest thing. We were so emotionally distant that sex itself seemed hypocritical. I never want to have sex like that again.

I don't think you are anywhere near that point, but I just wanted to say that emotions and sex can be very bound up in each other. You may have to start untangling the emotional issues before the sex can get extra fun again. And yes, life and work can get in the way too, of course. You're both into the idea of spicing it up though which I think is a good sign. Good luck.
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LoveMyPugs
post Feb 18 2008, 11:02 PM
Post #40







dayglowpink - honey i just think it's life. honestly...mr. pug and i are both very sexual people and we just aren't ever on the same page. he's fired up and i'm not in the mood or vice versa. we probably have really great sex like once a month. the rest of the time one of us is just appeasing the other. i used to get really frustrated and upset about this like he didn't care or didn't want to work to make it better but to be honest he's tired and/or i'm tired. work, school, housework, homework, bills, family, friends, it all just gets in the way. seriously, i could be on my way up the stairs to our bedroom with nothing on my mind other then putting mr. pug's cock in my mouth and then my mom or my sister calls to complain about something and the mood just leaves me. mr. pug could be in the mood to fuck me six ways from sunday and he'll have to go balance the checkbook right quick and then it's like eh nevermind. i can't tell you how many times one of us says to the other, "do you mind if we do it tomorrow?" i've read your posts and i know you two are still very hot for one another. you both would probably fuck all day long if you had the time and energy. honestly, to me it's just life getting in the way. i guess my only suggestion is really put a lot of effort into the times that you both are really feeling it and go crazy. this is what we have started to do. last night we had AMAZING sex. i mean oral, vag, anal, name calling, spanking, hair pulling, vibrating, orgasm after orgasm. it was wonderful. we both just passed the fuck out afterwards. the sad thing is that it's probably the first time we've had sex in close to two weeks. i was on my period and it was a long gross process this month. i didn't want to be touched in any way shape or form. we eventually came together. last night was great and it was enough to sustain me for another week if need be (hopefully not *knock on wood*). it will get better. smile.gif
*hug*
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