[auralpoison]

Confession: I am constantly amazed by the level of shit men are capable of talking. Seriously.

I occasionally have interactions with this local fellow that really fancies himself quite the big baller. Dude's twenty-four, on probation for underage drinking/maryjane posession, no education, & fat as fuck*. He is often dispensing his sage wisdom, telling tall tales, trying to sell bootleg dvds, & trying to diversify his various gambits in get-rich-quick schemes. In short: he is imminently laughable, but most of the time I keep it together just to listen to him dig his own hole ever deeper.

A local business man's daughter is on the ladies' pro motocross circuit & she is a very gifted rider. She's young yet, but def has champion potential. So today we ran into the business man, the two conversed briefly. As we made to leave, dude started telling his friend about the daughter & how he could "really offer her some excellent tips". I could not help myself, I busted out a single guffaw. This fat fuck offering up motocross tips? I doubt he could lift his porky-ass leg high enough to get ONTO a motocross bike, let alone ride one well enough to offer tips to a professional woman rider. He wanted to know what was so funny, I simply said, "Those who can do. Those who can't teach**." And those that talk shit? Don't accomplish anything but talking shit. You are not the last of the HARD men, homeboy.

Confession: Lazy people that want you to do all of their work for them make me want to scream. Seriously. I KNOW YOU ARE NOT MENTALLY CHALLENGED. You just don't want to take the time or the energy to do it on your own because you are a lazy fucking git & your brain just can't be taxed with anything beyond what is on the telly tonight.

* Do not get yo draws in a bunch. He is fat as fuck & it bore mention in relation to him being on a motocross bike. He's not gross or icky or dirty or bad fat. He's LAZY. He's not lazy because he's fat, he's fat because he's lazy.

** I have NO problem with teachers, we need them. But we all know what the cliche really means: shut the fuck up, you armchair QB.

[auralpoison]

AAAAARGH! Ya tryin' ta scare the peewaddlin' outta me or what?!

[Persiflager]

*tip-toes in*

BOO!

[buttercups]

The universe has smiled upon me today and all i can say to that is: it's about damn time!

Ex- bf who treated me like shit after over 6 years of us going out once he got a new gf and decided to completely cut me out of his life without any explanation whatsoever, posting disgustingly PDA-style fb profile pics of him and his new bitch for me to see, waiting the appropriate time for me to soak it all in before cutting off all contact, will now, for the first time, actually see that i've moved on from his dumb ass!

I just changed my fb profile pic for the first time in 5 years to a picture of me and my now-bf the other day. This morning, a mutual friend invited both me and my ex to a party on fb. I know he's going to check and see whos invited (specifically for me bc he only knows this friend through me), and when he does he will see that he's not the only one whos dating someone else.

So my confessions:

1) Confession: I am totally excited over this stupid high-school-ish thing because I would love for him to just for a moment feel that pang of jealousy.

2) Confession: No, I don't want it to be just for a moment, I want it to last a loooonnngggg time

3) Confession: Tempted to RSVP "no" to this party and then show up when he thinks his ass is safe

4) Confession: Its clear I care way too much about this, time to go back to forgetting the asshole again!

[lorewolf]

I guess I've never been part of a culture or subculture that calls people by their sur-names. My BIL grew up in Vermont, and they tend to do the sur-name thing between friends, or perhaps he'd be "That Berry Kid" to some townspeople. My wife reports never being called by hers, though.

I guess some people tried calling me "Chee" at work, but it doesn't seem right to them either, and they eventually call me my first name instead.

Oh, and I confess I will be a Zombie this Saturday, since OtterMan and I are entering the Red White & Dead zombie festival in Seattle. Actually, that's more like confessing to being huge geeks

[auralpoison]

I thought about your post after I read it yesterday. I think you are onto something.

Not to sound like I'm gender stereotyping, but, it does seem like the use of last names in their interpersonal relationships allow men to use a certain amount of distance in their relationships. With that perspective, your belief of your first name being too much for them, too feminine, too personal, too close...it totally makes sense.

OR, I just made myself sound really cray cray in this post.

I'm dead serious. No cray cray. I really think it's a means of distancing themselves from me to make themselves more comfortable & I really think it's all about my sex/gender & their expectations/standards of that. I don't necessarily jibe with their preconceived notions, so I am held at arm's length for it.

[anarch]

Thanks star!

Confession: I spent too much at the farmers' market today.

Couldn't resist 3 baskets of organic strawberries, different varieties: Seascape, Albion, and Chandler. Apparently Albion is what we normally see in grocery stores, because they're firmer and can stand up to shipping better. The farmer said that you probably wouldn't see Chandlers in stores because they're too delicate to go very far, for very long. They're the ones I liked best. They're like the dark chocolate of strawberries, with a subtle bitterness that highlighted and complexified the sweetness. Had to bring home the different varieties so mr anarch could taste test too, though. Well it works out to a reasonable deal anyway, $7 for 3 pint baskets.

[stargazer]

It's like they can't handle my femaleness, so they strip me of it by not using my feminine proper name. Somehow ***** is less threatening to them than Aural, so I wind up being *****.

I thought about your post after I read it yesterday. I think you are onto something. I work in a male dominated site, corrections setting (I know you know this info, AP. Just posting for the others). They all refer to themselves by their last names in front of the inmates. I was told that using their first names was too personal. The use of last names also happens in the military.

Not to sound like I'm gender stereotyping, but, it does seem like the use of last names in their interpersonal relationships allow men to use a certain amount of distance in their relationships. With that perspective, your belief of your first name being too much for them, too feminine, too personal, too close...it totally makes sense.

OR, I just made myself sound really cray cray in this post.

(((anarch))) I hope things work out with BoA.

[anarch]

Confession: Can't. Stop. Flirting. And it's public. And soon enough somebody is gonna comment on it.

This reminds me of a confession I should have made in December: I couldn't stop flirting with someone who was really an inappropriate target for me to be flirting with at all, much less as aggressively as I was. Flirting AT him, really, since he reciprocated a little out of politeness but really he wasn't interested in any of it. I wrote him an apology email afterwards. God. It probably didn't occur to me to write about it here because even now it still makes me cringe. I was behaving like one of those stupid catcallers who just won't let their targets in peace. I can explain it as "I was off my fucking rocker because I was recovering from the worst year of my adult life" but there wasn't any excuse for it.

Ahem. I actually came in here to confess that I as good as yelled at a Bank of America peon today, who was in no way responsible for the fact that I'd already spent half an hour this morning talking to two BoA reps about the fact that BoA apparently has no record of receiving our June mortgage payment. The first rep said "Oh they applied it to your principal, not the monthly." The second said "I don't know where she got that info because I can't find a record of any June payment anywhere." Luckily there's a paper trail through the company that arranges the biweekly payment -- they have a record that BoA cashed the check in the first week of June. They'll fax BoA a copy of the cancelled check tomorrow.

So I thought it was settled for the next little while, and then this poor peon who was probably in India calls me to announce that we're late with our mortgage payment and there's a +$100 late payment penalty. Towards the end I started ranting about whether BoA would retract the penalty fee for its own error, while she I'm sure was following a script that dodged acknowledging the possibility that BoA was at fault. Her voice was shaking as she rushed through the closing lines. Whoever the hell you are, I know you'll never read this, but I'm so sorry for raising my voice at you.

[auralpoison]

Confession: I hate it when guys call me by my last name. I don't introduce myself to them that way, some of them just start addressing me that way after time. It's like they can't handle my femaleness, so they strip me of it by not using my feminine proper name. Somehow ***** is less threatening to them than Aural, so I wind up being *****. And when I ask them to stop, they get all defensive about it, like I asked them to do it or something & am suddenly reneging. I never said it was okay or that I liked it, so cut it out. I am not one of the homies, I am a grown-assed woman. If you can't handle it then fuck off.

Simehow, Mz. Poison doesn't sound so objectable, though ... For a super-villain, that is.

If my last name *was* "Poison" or they included a "Ms." it wouldn't chap my ass so much. But my last name is a single syllable body part that is basically barked at me. It makes me cray cray!

[auralpoison]

(((((Roxie)))))

(((((Archegonia)))))

Confession: It is amazing to me how long buried feelings can rise to the surface so quickly to overwhelm. I actually blushed & couldn't wipe away the silly grin!

Confession: Can't. Stop. Flirting. And it's public. And soon enough somebody is gonna comment on it.

[RoxieRage]

Confession: Now that I've lost so much weight, I wish I still had it to hide behind. Even though it was really hard to lose it and I spent years hating myself. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing that I have a figure now because it means people will pay attention to me, and they have.

[archegonia]

confession: i'm afraid

[auralpoison]

Pssssst! Bubblegumtrash. Welcome! Stop by the Newbies thread & introduce yourself.

[bubblegumtrash]

sometimes it's easy to become a hermit and lock yourself away from the world for months -or years- at a time, because it can be so confounding and heartwrenching.

my confession is that secretly, and in epiphanies that generally come around two thirty in the morning, i begin to suspect i might make it after all.

[archegonia]

confession - i used to not want to be the type of person who could move somebody's kids away from them, but i've been dragged through shit for so long that i dont really give a fuck anymore. and it feels good to be free of guilt that doesnt belong to me.

[auralpoison]

Confession: I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be better for B if I just cut & run so he could move on & find somebody better than me to be with. But then he does something so miraculously, mind-blowingly, singularly fucking weirdly perfect for me that I realize that we're pretty much made for each other.

Confession: This completely freaks me out.

[damona]

confession: the mr is home tonite, and i feel guilty that i'm not hanging out with him, but i'm just not in a chatty mood. so he's reading and i'm online.

[auralpoison]

Confession: I have become a hermit. Or at least "that lady that lives in that house that nobody ever sees except when she's bringing in the groceries. She seems to buy a lot of fresh produce & sometimes her porch looks like it's on fire because her grill is raging. And she gets a LOT of mysterious boxes."

[stargazer]

Confession: The rant about death from 3:00 - 6:00 in this clip is how I feel about death as I get older.