[stargazer]

(((archegonia)))

[archegonia]

i dont want to be by myself when he's on the island.

i dont want to take his kids away from him but i feel i might have to.

i know he would never hurt me but i wont turn my back on mental illness. hes not himself and i dont trust the monster.

so many wonderful people have been here for me for so long and i dont want to be dependent on them anymore.

they dont understand and although i wish for company i dont want them to.



i want to go home. i know i'll be there soon but i want to be there now.

i dont want to be afraid of the man i wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

i dont want to do this alone anymore.

[auralpoison]

Confession: I really do not like my friend's wife.

[doodlebug]

confession: o lottery empire, I just don't care. I don't care about your profits. I don't care if your casino machines run properly or your lottery tickets sell. I don't care about your corporate golf tournies or your 25th anniversary party. Gambling is stupid. I can't believe I work here. I can't wait to leave.

confession: I finished my assigned work already today. I've been here 3 hours. It was supposed to last the whole day, I think - or at least a couple more hours. Now the supervisor is away in a meeting and I literally have nothing to do except surf the internet till he gets back - at which point it should be lunch time. (I actually, apparently, have now finished all the work that was supposed to keep me busy till the end of Friday.)

[doodlebug]

She moved out today! The crazy old bat downstairs moved out! Nobody knows why - she'd given her notice for the end of April. She left it to her son to turn in the keys, and neither of them cleaned the apartment. This was a lady who complained when she moved in that the bit IN BETWEEN the 2 pieces of glass on the oven door hadn't been cleaned.....

I wouldn't have known except that I spontaneously asked my supervisor today if I could work thru lunch and leave early. I saw her son at the landlord's door when I came home, and he (the son) scowled at me when I smiled. (I only smiled 'cos I didn't know it was him - which is when it all twigged and I called the landlord for the dirt.)

The only sad thing is, we were planning to throw her a going away party (with or without her choosing to attend), and now we won't have the opportunity.

I'm such a mean and nasty suffragette, aren't I?

[ketto]

Co-workers and bosses have always complimented on my fast, productive work too, doodle. I do the same as you and always wonder what other people are doing...

[doodlebug]

Confession: it amazes me that supervisors think I'm a fast, productive worker, when the truth is, I toggle back and forth between work and the internet all day long. What is everyone else doing with their time, I wonder?

[sybarite]

I love kissing. I could happily just kiss and do nothing else for ages. I hate hate hate a bad kisser. In the past, if someone I was interested in couldn't kiss it was a dealbreaker.

The noises (from other people, natch) can be disgusting though.

I love being alone. Often it's my preferred state. An empty house makes me happy.

[auralpoison]

As do I. There's always a L&O on no matter what. I also do the original CSI & Bones. NCIS offended me, so I don't watch it. Trans persons are not a fucking joke.

[stargazer]

Confession: My mother has an unhealthy obsession with crime shows. CSI, NCIS, Bones, 24, all of the Law & Orders...

[auralpoison]

I can go a remarkable amount of time without speaking to anyone.

I wish that people that go away would stay away. I did not love you, I gladly set you free. Why did you come back, eh?

I am glad that the pig is gone. I don't care who took it, I'm not going to go calling around to find out. Why, oh why, did she have such a penchant for ugly, tacky, stupid things?

[doodlebug]

I am working with a crew of all-guys in the warehouse this week. And the truth I'm confessing is that guys are soooooo much fucking easier to work with than the all-women team I work with usually. SOOOOOOOO much easier. This is partly why I like playing in a band. It's an almost all-male environment, and the women musicians are very cool and not at all like the women I work with now. More like the feminists I used to work with, but also able to dish it back instead of having to painstakingly argue every point.

But I do miss talking to the customers on the phone. It's the only part of my regular job I enjoy.

[auralpoison]

I occasionally do things out of spite.

[doodlebug]

I'm not a huge fan of deep kissing. I do like a smooch, though. It's funny, 'cos I'm wild about oral sex, giving and receiving!

I confess that I am smoking again. And I tell myself that I'm going to stop again once I finish this pouch of Drum. But I don't know if that's true yet.

[enfermera]

yes. i have felt suffocated while kissing, but it is usually when the kisser is acting like he's trying to climb inside my mouth. it has also happened when i'm just not feeling as emotionally connected as he is.

and the sounds? i don't care about the ones in real life..yeah, every once in a while there's a funny sounding one that you can ignore or giggle at, but i HATE the amplified smacking, slurping noises in movies. like they're kissing while eating pudding or something. i don't really need to feel like i am right there in between the kissing people. i wonder why they do that..

this being said, i love kissing, if he'll just do it right.

[stargazer]

I've found that the suffocation feeling that comes with kissing seemed more related to the way the other person kissed. The ones who were more into using their tongues had me feeling like I was being swallowed whole. Total turn off. I had to tell the last dude to relax and slow down. Kinda gross when I think about it.

[foryoursplendor]

ketto, I've got the same problem with the kissing/suffocation problem, always have

[auralpoison]

Y'know what gives me the wiggins about kissing? The noises we make. Like, when I'm doing it I don't think about it, but whenever I'm someplace or I see people kissing in a move/tv or whatever, I am so disgusted by the sounds. Moist, squelching, wet, smacking, ick nast!

[ketto]

Doodle, your boss sounds awesome. Too bad the job is not.

I confess, I really don't like kissing very much except when I'm really really really in a sexed up mood. I think because I'm so small I find it extremely suffocating. My partners noses always squish mine no matter how I try to maneuver and it's uncomfortable. I feel bad for my boyfriend who loves kissing. I've never told anyone.

[doodlebug]

I think I'll throw a party and invite the crazy old bat. It will be her going away party.

Now I can tell y'all what my secret strategy was going to be: I was going to convince her that I was going to have a baby, and that I was staying put right there to raise it in the (two bedroom) apartment over her head. The baby's bedroom would be the one over top of her bedroom, of course. I started getting books out of the library to read around the building: books about having kids after 40, books on pregnancy and childbirth, etc. I was about to start discussing the matter with other neighbours, get their advice on single-parenting and child-rearing. I wasn't ever going to SAY I was pregnant (that would be a lie), just that I was thinking about whether I should have a child, and wondering how soon I should do it, if I were going to do it. After all, I'm 41, my biological clock is tick-tick-ticking. Not much time left, maybe I should do it quick! I knew that if nothing else worked, she'd leave if she thought there would be a baby crying, and later, a toddler racing around and banging things over her head. Also, my landlord AND Soulman were fully on board with this plan.

In OTHER good news, I just talked to my boss about the offer of other work in Accounting, and told her "I know it's crazy, I know I'm 41. But I feel like if I don't go for it now, I'll lose my nerve and never do it." So she is going to make sure I am laid off no later than the end of April, with as many hours as possible (towards my unemployment), whatever department I am working in. I love my boss. Did I mention that I love my boss? Did I ever mention that when she was 17, she had an offer to go sing on a cruise ship, and didn't have the nerve to go?

This is a good week.