[gumby_cc]

Thanks for the wellwishing, ladies. I was neurotic and obsessive before but this just pushed me over the edge. Once the apartment is sprayed I think we'll be fine, but that won't be for a few days yet.
I really like the message boards because it's really helped me to question and redefine my relationships to other women....When I first lurked around I was so intimidated that I didn't participate at all. But I just really love the community everyone has created here. And I feel a lot more confident with standing up for myself...something that wasn't instilled in me as a child. Still, I don't know if the boards have changed or if it's more that my relationship to it has changed, but it is different from a few years ago and I can understand why a lot of people migrated away from here.
End rant.

[wombat]

Girlbomb -- I too would miss you, you are so funny and kind and well-grounded, having worked your way through a life that is more complicated than most.

Bust magazine -- I have mixed feelings. Often I'm annoyed by it, but I always find one or two things in it that are really, really worthwhile. hmmmm.

The difficulty on the boards, girlbomb and mandolyn, I put down to the way women have relationships.

We want to disclose all, have all accepted, accept all. And yet, I think our desire to be compassionate and tolerant and discreet and patient and encouraging can sometimes open the door to predators or lead us to try everything to continue relationships and accomodate people, even when they have become toxic. Let's all confess to our weaknesses and stigmas, and open the door for people to prey on our insecurities. Let's make sure we never "judge" someone who makes us feel bad, cause, gosh, they feel bad too!

You can only negotiate and redefine and compromise and change postion so often before you turn your body and mind into a big, awkward pretzel, and wonder how you got in that grotesque and uncomfortable position.

I go to other boards where there are a lot of men, and they don't put up with that for a minute. They will instantly dispute. That doesn't mean they don't have compassion - they get to know each other and still express sympathy when someone's cat dies or they have a sucky boss.

But there is not the sense on other boards, like there is on Bust, that if someone posts something like:
"I love to be mean to people, and I know I'm a big snob and I can't help it, and I don't want to, and I just want to dose my sorrow instead of dealing with it." that everyone will just nod their heads and affirm.

Rather, they will say something like, WAAH WAAH STOP BEING A JERK!!

There *are* several threads in which people offer acceptance and good information to lead someone in a positive direction, though. I think the good part about owning up to pain is to say, help me see this and get over this, I have a lot to give the world, and I don't want it to get in my way anymore.

Or just have fun -- like celebrity gossip -- it's freeing to laugh at these self-important celeb jerks.

So, it's worthwhile, but I worry sometimes that this place is dragging me backwards when I'd rather go forward in more neutral and shallow-- maybe in a good way -- settings.

[freckleface2727]

(((((((((((gumby))))))))))))) that is just awful!!
I hope you are able to go back into your place free and clear very soon!!!


I confess
that when I write something really good, I seem to fall alittle to a lot in love with it and re-read it obsessively (sometimes making little changes & tweaking it) for the first few days. I don't know if this is normal or a really super big ego at work?

[sybarite]

Gumby, my mister and I were bitten by bedbugs in a hotel in Amsterdam. FWIW, we left the hotel in a hurry and took absolutely no precautions against picking them up in our luggage, our clothes on the floor etc... and we didn't take any with us.

I had no idea they were so spreadable, until I started reading about infestations in NYC and elsewhere. I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I think your mom's being unhelpful. Can you check into a cheap hotel overnight?

Good luck next week. I hope you've avoided being bitten at least!!

[ratgrl]

((((gumby)))) That sucks! I hope this week goes by quickly so that you can put that problem behind you.

[gumby_cc]

The exterminator confirmed it: we do have bedbugs. And they won't spray until sometime next week. I told my mom and she banned me from visitng her house, from storing any of my stuff there, from borrowing her vacuum, and from keeping the cat there when they bomb our apartment. So I guess my confession is I'm not planning to tell any of my friends about our little problem.

[anna k]

For a long time, whenever it rained and I would be outside, I would think of the song from Bambi: "Drip, drip, drop little April shower."

I like to practice ballet moves to George Michael's Father Figure.

I like Natasha Bedingfield's Unwritten, even though it has usurped Liz Phair's Why Can't I? as the Chick Movie Theme song.

Watching the TCM In Memoriam video of film stars who died in 2006, I teared up at seeing Adrienne Shelly, since she had been little known during her lifetime and it seemed kind and respectful for TCM to include her with all the other people, giving her a moment of honor. She was little known, but I rented Trust a long time ago and liked her in it, she was very real and beautiful in an unusual, downhome way. Now her directed film is at Sundance, but I don't know if it would've played there had she still been living.

I can feel self-centered because I feel more attractive, stronger, and smarter than I was when I was younger, and I want to show it off to people who I was shy around before to parade my matured self.

[freckleface2727]

I confess..
( & this is so weird I can't believe I am going to actually tell you all this but what better place?) that when I am in a turn lane and traffic is really super backed up, I get all anxious like rain- man and half whimper/whine " all skate everybody skate. all skate EVERYBODY Skate Now!" and it strangely makes me feel better.

I don't know why.

[raisingirl]

If Girlbomb disappears, I shall stalk her even more on her own website! I'll miss you, GB, but I know how it goes... sniff sniff... dissolving into sobs... don't goooooooooo!

[starshine]

but it's completely understanding mandolyn. I stopped posting on one forum because everyone there was just, well, mean, and after I posted something and got completely and utterly trashed, I decided I was done with posting there. I still visit occasionally becasue there are sometimes gems of information relevant to the career I am headed into and the applicaiton process I am in, but no way am I willing to put myself out there to be attacked again. I am so glad I found bust!

[mandolyn]

if girlbomb disappears, i shall stalk her. mwa ha ha!

(((ratgrl)))

i still have qualms about confessing shit in here, even tho it's comforting/cathartic. i still can't get past someone really dumb & clueless making me feel entirely shitty about something i confessed about. it was trvial, we're not even talking Deep Dark Secret. it was months ago. i'm savvy enough to know, you put it out there, it's up for grabs, you risk public ridicule, yada yada. but still.

[ratgrl]

Thank you for your kind words, Freckleface. They are much appreciated!

[freckleface2727]

((((((((((((((((((ratgirl & dogger)))))))))))))
that just breaks my heart for you. I am SO Sorry!

and ditto girlbomb, I've loved reading your work there too, but respect your decision. just know your writing will be missed there by some of us.

[ratgrl]

We had to cancel our gym membership to cut back on our monthly bills. Which makes me feel guilty on so many levels. I really want to get in better shape. Also, our membership takes 30 days to cancel, but I feel wierd about going since I'm feeling like a deadbeat.

My job loathing is reaching an all time high. And I am surprised of how tollerant I have grown over the years. I want to march up to my boss and quit, all Twisted Sister 'We are not going to take it' style....but I need the money, so I bite my tongue and put up with quite a bit of shit.

Gingerkitty, I was about at that point on my job yesterday. Seriously, it was one of the worst days I've had at work in a long time. There were a few times that I really thought I was going to totally lose it. I'm just glad it's over.

Confession: I called in sick today. Not because of the horrible day I had yesterday (although that was certainly in the back of my mind), but because I had to take my Cancer Dog to the vet E.R. at about midnight last night, owing to him becoming violently ill from his latest chemo treatment. So while I myself wasn't physically ill, I just didn't think I would've been very productive at work today on only a few hours of sleep and under a lot of mental stress worrying about my baby.

Girlbomb: You'll be missed. I really liked your writings in the magazine, and I enjoy reading your posts here, too.

[girlbomb]

Confession: I quit writing for BUST because I just wasn't feeling it anymore.

Other confession: I'm thinking of quitting the boards, too.

[maddy29]

omg gumby, i would be freaking out too-yikes-there was that whole outbreak of bedbugs in allston a few years ago, creepy.

[culturehandy]

I love itunes.

I don't want to go out for my friends birthday tonight, I'd rather stay home and smoke.

I miss my former play thing. Yet I think he is a prat.

[raisingirl]

Instead of going to the studio tonight, I'm going to read my trashy no-good confessional memoir du jour in bed, and then go to bed early, all because I don't want to be outside in this cold weather.

I'm putting off a visit to the doctor to get a physical because I don't want a lecture about how I'm not losing weight fast enough (this is all in my head). I also don't want to have to explain my lack of desire to date but that I still want/need to be on the pill. I don't want the doc to ask me about "family planning." I hate my doctor's office because you have to schedule an exam four fucking months in advance and then when you do get an appointment, it's 15 minutes at the most and how the hell is ANYONE supposed to explain anything in 15 minutes when the doc asks how you've been? I don't care that this is the norm for most doctors' offices; I'm sick of it, so I just don't go. I should find a new doctor, but don't feel like putting the effort into doing so.

I canceled my gym membership and feel no remorse about it.

I have fantasies of quitting my job so I can spend more time at the studio, in the kitchen, and writing.

Someone stole a couple of pens from my desk (I keep all my writing utensils in a certain spot) and I am still pissed off that no one in the office seems to have a clue when it comes to respecting other peoples' space. I think someone stole some of my tea, too, and that pisses me off even more. What kind of jerks do I work with? Go get your own pens and beverages!

I can't wait until vacation next month; I'm so excited that I think I might cry with total joy when the plane lands at my destination.

I am laughing so much at Aqua's confession! Because I'd probably definitely do the same thing.

[crazyoldcatlady]

LOL aqua!

[gumby_cc]

Confession: I just saw a bedbug in my bed. And I am freaking out about it.