[runningwestward]

This thread is for sharing bullying stories from grade school all the way up into the workplace. For those of us who are in a bully situation I want us to be able to use this as a support network because in the workplace there are very few things you can do about the bully. And if you do have suggestions that would be awesome. It's bloody hard to stand up to these people.

Wanting to start this thread was spurred by the recognision of a bully over the weekend. He's in my lab where I work. He's junior to me but is a few years older. Everyone in the lab can't stand the guy. He's inappriate, sexist, believes that his is always the right way and the only correct and valid opinion... you get the picture. And until a few weeks ago I had just dismissed him as an ass. That is until he actually had the nerve to point at a physical flaw (something that took me year to accept and be alright with) on my body and pester me about it. And he did this in front of about 10 people at work. I was floored. I didn't know what to say and all the memories of people who look at it funny and all the shame I used to feel about it came back in a flash. I bit my tongue though. Stuttered out an answer. But that night I went home and cried. I've been harbouring some resentment (to say the least) to this guy since and it all came out this weekend. We were hosting a conference and I was working the registration desk and he starting critizing the way I was doing my job (picture having 30 people in a line and having to write out receipts answer questions remember to ask them certain ones all in about 30 seconds a person... a little stressful...) and I just snapped. I told him to leave me alone and I'd answer him when I had a chance but he kept pushing. Saying I wasn't doing it right, saying that it wasn't good enough, saying that I should be working faster... and I lost it. I told him to f*ck off very loudly in front of 4 of the most important people at the conference: the keynote speaker and the guy I want to work for in a few months included. I just couldn't stop myself. And he just played the victim. Saying loudly for everyone to hear "what's her problem" "what did I do". I wanted to just cry. It felt like grade school and high school all over again. I am so sick of people defending him with "oh he's just a jerk" or "it's a personality thing" "it's not personal" (my ass it isn't... why doesn't he treat everyone like this then??!!!?? and why only the women?) and the fact that the responsiblity of remedying the situation fails into the victims hands. I don't know how to approach this guy and tell him to lay off without giving him more power over me. That approach backfired in highschool with that bitch AC and crew. I doubt it will work now on an ex Israili military jerk. I don't want to feel the way I felt when I was younger. I had my fair share of emotional breakdowns and stress related illness back then thank you very much. But I can feel it all coming back and I don't know how to stop the flood. That felt good to say. Thanks for letting me vent.

[anarch]

koffeewitch, I think you're right that if your partner won't get much help from the law here.

Have you come across the Workplace Bullying Institute? Looks like a decent resource. I don't know if this would be helpful to you, but under the "What We Offer" sidebar, clicking on "phone counselling" brings up a page where they say they charge $50/hour to listen to your situation and give expert advice. Maybe you can find their book The Bully At Work in a local library?

metafilter thread on "workplace mobbing." Somebody in there posted a link to BullyOnline (free help line but only for UK residents) -- UK context only but possibly they might talk about helpful ways to tackle the problem.

Good luck.