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> The Scary Playground of Life - The Bullied Thread
runningwestward
post May 15 2006, 02:01 PM
Post #41


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 266
From: Vancouver


I tried telling my mom over and over how badly I was treated by the girls at school (all girls school - horrible horrible experience). She never really got it. I remember getting up to vomit in the middle of the night and the intense desire not to get up to go to school. I remember just trying to deal with the anger I felt towards these girls and how it would come out physically (on inanimate things) and my mom would get mad at me but never try to find out where my anger was coming from. I had several complete breakdowns and it wasn't until my mom actually was witness to one of the attacks by the gang of girls that she did anything. Now at least she believes me about what is happening at work and is actually being supportive and understand (this is a minor miracle when it comes to my mother who is known for her "put on the happy face no matter what" command). I don't have to see the ass until tomorrow so I have a day of peace in the lab. I can ignore emails and I refused to have to add him to my MSN (our supervisor wants us all to be able to chat on MSN when he's travelling or when we are in different locations).

A BRICK!!! That's wild. Good call on the calling the police. Don't let him scare you off what is your property. You have the law on your side for this.
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msgoofball
post May 15 2006, 01:55 PM
Post #42


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 322
From: Agoura, CA


heheehe the 'equalizer'..wow....anyone else get some nicknames out of their opposition?

letsee, here's a story from the memory bank archives....sophmore year of HS....another day in band camp..lol....we were mapping out our position on the field when one of the trumpet players was giving a warning to a new frosh trumpet player...about me. i was laughing with surprise....R said," watch out for that one, she kicked my ass." the frosh quips back "well, You're a wuss then, aren't you?".....me and the girls were cackling with glee as well as a bunch of band members who heard. Ah, good times....back then i was a stick, 5'10" and a 120 pounds, all muscle.

yet i was small in comparison to most...
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auralpoison
post May 15 2006, 01:46 PM
Post #43


Big Fat Bitch
***
Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


Msgoofball, word.

I was actually called "the equalizer". No shit.


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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kittenb
post May 15 2006, 01:45 PM
Post #44


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


See, people who meet me now have a hard time believing this, but I was quite the little mouse in school. I was weird and different, but I badly wanted to be liked. School was just not a safe place for me and that sucked. There was always someone yelling something down the hall at me, or shoving me, or scaring me. I was too scared to really stand up for myself then. I have gotten better about it now, but it took a damn long time to realize that I actually decerved to be treated better.
Luckily, I was a surprisingly upbeat kid and as hard as it could be, I always knew that my hometown(s) were temporary resting spots. I knew that I would get out. If it wasn't for that thought/dream/fact, I don't know that I would have survived high school.


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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msgoofball
post May 15 2006, 01:35 PM
Post #45


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 322
From: Agoura, CA


i was picked on from day one until about 9th grade when i decided that i didn't give a crap what they thought...i wore what i wanted...said what i wanted and kicked several boys and girls asses in numerous ways...do i feel bad...? nah...but i forget about it until someone brings up stories of the past...remember when you threatened boys with castration by little green rubber bands and they nicknamed you 'terminator'? yeah...that was me.

i love being a geek, freak, weirdo...i would feel odd being any other title.

and AP, you rock. again....i wish i had you as a sidekick back in the day....
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auralpoison
post May 15 2006, 01:01 PM
Post #46


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


It's nice to know I am lurved. And here I thought I was merely tolerated. Thanks, Pepper.

Why certainly, Herc! Should you wish to bear the miscreants/homicdal maniacs/evil dictators that would undoubtedly spring from my loins I would not object.

He threw a *BRICK*? That's insane! A grown damned man threw a Brick at Mr. Bear's head. That's just... wrong. I'm glad you called the popos & filed a report, documentation is usefull if things should possibly escalate.

Seriously, though. I asked for it. A lot of people that got treated shitty didn't, but I did. I *wanted* them to hate me. In the immortal words of Bikini Kill, "I ate their hate like love." Most people didn't know me personally, but they sure as fuck knew my name & could pick me out of a line up. I was that crazy, raving, feminazi psycho bitch that wore flannel pajamas & houseshoes to school. The one that *met* Trent Reznor before they'd even heard of NIN. I was an obnoxious, arrogant, annoying, smartcunt little monster.

Upon reflection, I was not wholly evil. I did always stand up for those that were weaker than me. Some boys picked relentlessly on a couple of Jehovah's Witness girls until I gave 'em the smackdown. I was the queen of the freaks, the geeks, the weirdos, & the losers & I defended them valiantly. To the hilt. I always stuck up for my own.


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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herculesgirl
post May 15 2006, 12:26 PM
Post #47


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 185
From: San Jose, CA


AP, I love you. May I bear your Internets babies?
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clairebear3
post May 15 2006, 04:23 AM
Post #48


BUSTie
**
Posts: 24
From: Europe


Mr Bear and I are currently being bullied by one of our neighbours. I hadn't really put 2 and 2 together and realised that it is bullying until I saw this thread. I can't really explain it all now i'm swinging between wanting to shoot him/crying myself to sleep in a heap on floor.

It culminated this weekend with him climbing over a fence and throwing a house brick at Mr Bears head. We have really done nothing to this guy apart from buying a piece of land at auction which he had wanted to buy. We had never met the guy before this so we didn't know he would be one of our neighbours but thats how it goes at an auction, the highest bidder wins right?

Any hoo we called the police when he threw the brick because we had to do some work there and we wanted the police to wait with us. Ridiculous isn't it? A man in his forties resorts to throwing bricks at us. I keep trying to stay calm, not sink to his level, retain the moral highground etc etc but it's not easy. One of these days i'm just going to flip out although I know that that solves nothing.

Now Mr Bear wants to sell the ground, which we where planning on building our dream house on, which means that we are now arguing about because I can not and will not give it up.

All this because of a 40something skinhead with a beer gut sheesh!
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pepper
post May 14 2006, 11:07 PM
Post #49







hmm, yes. you are a tyrant, aren't you?

there's a reason we all lurves the ap you know...

yes, yes, i was a bi-otch in highschool too. i took it all through the grades when i was too nice to know what else to do, until i realized how much smarter than most of them i was. then, hoo, what a mouthy smart ass mo-fo i was. nasty little monster.
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auralpoison
post May 14 2006, 10:42 PM
Post #50


Big Fat Bitch
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Posts: 4,932
From: Citizen of the world


Y'know what? I pretty much asked for everything I got. To me, if you hated me, I was doing something right. I was an impossibly angry youth. I did everything I could to distance myself from my peers. I was too smart for my own good & flaunted it. My hair was always a weird colour, I dressed like a mental patient, I was a rabble rouser, typical teenage hijinks.

Story: Junior year one of the... special... students developed a crush on me. He had *MAJOR* emotional/mental issues. One day whilst high out of my mind I commented on how I liked the chairs in this one class we shared. A week later he disassembled one & gave me the pieces. While strange, I still thought it was sweet of him & thanked him. Every bit but the seat would fit in my locker, so I carried it around all day. If somebody asked I explained, but if they didn't, meh. A few days later I get up to get my SAT booklet & my number two pencil & a guy (Whose name I still remember. Fuck you, DK, you closet queen.) said something like, "Don't break the chair with your big ass!" I did a vertical leap from the floor to the table top & went down a lunch table talking trash to a bunch of ignorant jocks all Cyrano DeBergerac stylee. I remember EVERYTHING & brought up ancient, truly mortifying stuff. From the guy whose johnson I saw in gym to the guy that smelled like Polo & a rotting corpse. I ripped about twenty guys apart & not a one said a goddamned thing. For about three days I was a fucking rock star.

Payback wasn't until the next fall when the football team nominated me to be their female representative for the homecoming court. BIG MISTAKE, BOYS. They thought I'd be humiliated. NOT. I went thrifting & found a Courtney Love style babydoll dress & wore knee high pole climber boots for my picture in the newspaper. All these pretty little girls & then the punch to the gut, me. I wore an L7 tshirt during the parade. At the pep rally I walked out ahead of my escort to the center of the bball court, took a deep bow, & raised my arms in victory. The crowd went nuts. The night of the actual event I wore a beautiful black velvet evening gown with a sweetheart neckline & four inch black pumps. I had my hair & makeup done. Nobody recognized me. It was fucking awesome. I turned the tables on those motherfuckers & they couldn't say boo about it.

It's weird. When I go back now, it's like nothing ever happened. Well, that's not entirely true. There is a girl that's a year older than me that I smarted off to when I was fourteen & she *STILL* carries the beef. Who really cares about something that happened more than fifteen years ago? Somebody really pathetic & small, I say. To this very day she tries to intimidate me. She didn't intimidate me before, why should she now? True, I used to bail when she showed up, but that was really more to save my friends the hassle than because I thought she was gonna hurt me. As far as I know, I'm the only girl she never challenged to a fight because she knew I could take her. She just settled for saying mean things about my hair, clothes, economic standing (We are both biracial & she was poor, while I was solidly middle class. She once got in my grille because we had a cleaning lady that came twice a week.) or my sexuality. The last time I saw her she tried to start shit with me. I asked her how much money she made per year. How many kids did she have with how many baby's daddies. If she was so great, why did she still live in our pisswah, bumfuck home town? What did she have to show for her badassitude? Nothing! Three kids, three daddies & a job at a beef packing plant because she only had a GED. Her big claim to fame was that she did a little Foxy Boxing & won a couple hundred bucks. I paid her tab, snapped up my Prada bag & bid her sad ass adieu. I guess that's largely why she'll always hate me. I'll always show her up because I'm smart & am willing to go the extra mile/work my butt off to get what I want. Why strive for mediocrity when one can achieve a good life with a bit o' elbow grease & some luck?

I just read over that. My cod, what a horrible, horrible woman I am. Straight to hell with me. I'm just as bad as they were. Schadenfreude, anyone?


--------------------
"You're cute, like a velvet glove cast in iron. And like a gas chamber, a real fun gal."
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pollystyrene
post May 14 2006, 10:02 PM
Post #51


Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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Posts: 4,631
From: Chicago


((RW)), that situation really sucks. There's a guy like that at my job. I've never had a run-in with him, but a friend in my department has. He's in a different department but comes over to our dept. to get checks that come in for his job. He knows damn good and well what time they come in everyday, but he'd come over before then and rifle through their stuff and pester them, just be an annoyance. Finally, my friend called him an asshole, really loudly and it carried all across our section of the office. He stormed off, and my friend went to her boss, explained what happened and acknowledged that it was inappropriate to say to him. Her boss was aware of the ongoing situation, so he was understanding. Now the guy's assisstant comes over to get the stuff and they just avoid each other. I don't think there was ever a formal apology.

Yeah, I was teased and picked on in elementary school and junior high. It sucked. By high school, I distrusted the popular crowd so much, whether I actually knew them or not that I never really gave them a chance and assumed that their lives were all perfect and I hated them all. I found out later that one of the more popular guys, who I didn't know pre-high school and never really did anything to me in high school had a younger brother suffering with leukemia. I don't know if he made it or not, but it sort of showed me that I had this idea of everyone's backgrounds in my head, and I had become as bad as they were. I do believe that most bullies do it out of their own insecurities, though. I know that doesn't make you feel any better when it's happening, though. Sort of ironic, though- the girl who was the ring leader, the absolute worst in elementary school was voted "Most Shy" our senior year of high school, something I probably would have been if I hadn't made a conscious decision to just not care anymore.


--------------------
You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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livelyupurself
post May 14 2006, 05:24 PM
Post #52


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 342


((((RW)))) my heart aches for you, that is so frustrating and absolutely uncalled for. You should not be feeling terrorized at work and forced in to a situation where you feel bad for snapping in defense of yourself.

I loathe bullies, of any sort. But adult bullies, like the one harassing you, I really despise. The kind that put their bullshit back on your shoulders, ala "what's her problem?", making you look like the idiot. I delight in calling their punk ass bullshit out. I guess when I encounter a bully, I become one myself, going out of my way to make them squirm. In fact the following statement is probably more appropriate for the BUSTie confessions thread: I am filled with utter joy when I have the opportunity to stick up for the "underdog" of any given situation and make a bully look like the complete asshole they are. There, I said it. I am a bully's bully.

I had my fair share of bullies growing up the "fat girl". I was also very shy and so nice that I could win most everyone over eventually. But there were a few particular ones that made my life a living hell growing up. The funny thing is that by the time I entered high school, I was tall and large enough that nobody really messed with me much anymore, even though I was still terribly shy and super nice. One day these girls were picking on my sister. I knew them both, we weren't friends per se, but I think we had a class or two together and had chatted before. I caught them cornering and threatening my sister and they both were scared shitless when they realised I was behind them. It was then that it dawned upon me that I could use my stature to my advantage and intimidate the bullies. Nobody messed with my sis from then on.
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venetia
post May 14 2006, 05:11 PM
Post #53


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 456
From: Aotearoa (aka New Zealand)


It sounds like recognisable workplace bullying to me, Runningwestward. Bullying is really freaky, not least because you believe it's somehow you not the bully, and that if you just "deal" it will be okay. But actually it's recognised these days as a form of harrassment, and it's more or less illegal.

Maybe if you get hold of a book like The Gentle Art Of Verbal Self Defense At Work it will help you formulate answers to the bully which let him know that you consider his behaviour inappropriate and bullying, and that you want him to stop. For some reason rehearsing words from a book helps me because that way it's not such a personal investment as in my own words.

You may need a formal record that the man's behaviour is a problem for you, so you'll need to make a note to a supervisor or boss. Not necessarily a complaint, just let them know that for the record you have asked X to (for eg) stop making personal remarks to you or engaging in other bullying behaviour.

Also you need to keep a log of what he says and does, and when, and maybe a brief sentence about any measurable effects it had (eg in that case, by bringing up his problem at an inappropriate time he hindered your ability to concentrate onthe difficult job at hand). This will quite quickly reveal a distinct pattern to his behaviour, and will be invaluable if it gets to the point where you have to make a formal complaint.

Also if you did around you'll probably find the rules that your lab is supposed to follow.

I'm not trying to suggest that you should take responsibility for his behaviour (that's probably something he himself thinks). But, he's a hazard to you at the moment and you will need to take steps to protect yourself from him.

A few years ago I was being bullied and sexually harrassed at university, and for the longest time I thought it was "just me", my fault (for years! for like, three years!). Then when I found out that the guy had been doing it to other women too, I realised and we made a complaint. It's much easier for me to act on protecting others than myself. The guy basically was removed from campus and I haven't seen him since.

Reading the workplace bullying resources online it was really strange for me because the descriptions of behaviour were striking chords - it was like, wow, this is a real, recognised thing, it's not just me, it's not my fault, and it's not all in my head!
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pepper
post May 14 2006, 02:03 PM
Post #54







rw, first do some damage control and send a written appology to the 4 important people. i would keep it simple, admit you made a mistake, don't make any excuses, just appologize for inapropriate behavior. that will at least ease your mind about your end of the deal.
after that, well, can you speak with your supervisor about his behavior? being "just a jerk" is not an excuse for harassing people at work and viciously attacking their physical appearance. i there is sure to be policy about that. what a horrible ass. you shouldn't be subjected that that crap while you're trying to do your job.

berenquela, that's a funny thing to attribute to being canadian. huh.

i had crazy curly hair and big lips and eyes AND my parents dressed me funny all through lower grade school, boy did i ever get picked on. stories to follow....
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berenguela
post May 14 2006, 12:45 PM
Post #55


BUSTie
**
Posts: 71


kittenb, I also have terrible problems meeting people's eyes. I always thought it was just because I'm Canadian... But it might be the bullying. How horrible that the effects may last so very long after I felt I was over it.
runningwestward --- in some ideal universe there may have been some wonderful way to respond to that asshat but I know in your position I would have done exactly what you did. I hope naming him as a bully will help you cope with him. Because you're right, that's what he is. But you're not the same person you were back in high school.
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kittenb
post May 14 2006, 12:10 PM
Post #56


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
***
Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


rw - that is ridiculous! Maybe it wasn't "appropriate" for you to say "fuck-off" in front of everyone, but I say way to go. Sounds like no one ever stands up to him. Dismissing someone's cruelty by just saying "oh he's just a jerk" does nothing. And if anyone judges you for it, I would ask them what they thought about the way he was treating you in the first place.

I had bullies target me from K-12. It was crazy. Even after my family moved to a different state (I don't think I will ever meet an 11 y/o as happy as I was to move away from all of her "friends") the bullies in my new school targeted me. As surely as if I was wearing a sign saying "Kick me." What really upsets me is how much of the insecurity lingers. I still have a hard time eyeing men in public out of fear that they will laugh at me or something. I automatically drop my gaze to the floor. It's embarressing.

Anyway, I think what you did was just fine. Maybe now that you've lost your temper on him, the next time you confront him you'll be more confident and can do it in a way you are happier with. Good luck!

PS. I'll be back w/more stories, but if I wrote them all at once, I'll cry or something.


--------------------
In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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runningwestward
post May 14 2006, 11:57 AM
Post #57


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 266
From: Vancouver


This thread is for sharing bullying stories from grade school all the way up into the workplace. For those of us who are in a bully situation I want us to be able to use this as a support network because in the workplace there are very few things you can do about the bully. And if you do have suggestions that would be awesome. It's bloody hard to stand up to these people.

Wanting to start this thread was spurred by the recognision of a bully over the weekend. He's in my lab where I work. He's junior to me but is a few years older. Everyone in the lab can't stand the guy. He's inappriate, sexist, believes that his is always the right way and the only correct and valid opinion... you get the picture. And until a few weeks ago I had just dismissed him as an ass. That is until he actually had the nerve to point at a physical flaw (something that took me year to accept and be alright with) on my body and pester me about it. And he did this in front of about 10 people at work. I was floored. I didn't know what to say and all the memories of people who look at it funny and all the shame I used to feel about it came back in a flash. I bit my tongue though. Stuttered out an answer. But that night I went home and cried. I've been harbouring some resentment (to say the least) to this guy since and it all came out this weekend. We were hosting a conference and I was working the registration desk and he starting critizing the way I was doing my job (picture having 30 people in a line and having to write out receipts answer questions remember to ask them certain ones all in about 30 seconds a person... a little stressful...) and I just snapped. I told him to leave me alone and I'd answer him when I had a chance but he kept pushing. Saying I wasn't doing it right, saying that it wasn't good enough, saying that I should be working faster... and I lost it. I told him to f*ck off very loudly in front of 4 of the most important people at the conference: the keynote speaker and the guy I want to work for in a few months included. I just couldn't stop myself. And he just played the victim. Saying loudly for everyone to hear "what's her problem" "what did I do". I wanted to just cry. It felt like grade school and high school all over again. I am so sick of people defending him with "oh he's just a jerk" or "it's a personality thing" "it's not personal" (my ass it isn't... why doesn't he treat everyone like this then??!!!?? and why only the women?) and the fact that the responsiblity of remedying the situation fails into the victims hands. I don't know how to approach this guy and tell him to lay off without giving him more power over me. That approach backfired in highschool with that bitch AC and crew. I doubt it will work now on an ex Israili military jerk. I don't want to feel the way I felt when I was younger. I had my fair share of emotional breakdowns and stress related illness back then thank you very much. But I can feel it all coming back and I don't know how to stop the flood. That felt good to say. Thanks for letting me vent.
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