[missjuliet]

Dear lovely Bustees,

I know I'm still a newbie here, but I am in a terrible place right now and need some advice.

Today I discovered that my boyfriend has a "porn problem"

My father had a terrible problem with porn as well and it led to my parents divorce. Because of this, porn is a really touchy subject for me.

I've told him about my father and why it upsets me before. I confronted him about it and he lied, but I was sneaky and went on his computer where I saw some really strange things. It had to do with drawn animals and it was really disturbing.

Anyway, I'm terribly upset and was wondering if I'm overreacting.

Do all guys really watch porn?

If you're going out with a guy do you feel it's ok if they do watch it?

And if you feel it's ok do you ever feel upset that he isn't satisfied with you and you only?

I'm so confused and upset.

He said he'd change, but I'm not sure what to believe.

Please help!

<3

[erinjane]

Well, this thread has taken a totally different turn over the course of the day, but I'm glad to see some actual discussion amidst the fighting.

First of all, thanks for falljackets for posting her experience. That is actually exactly what I am involved in now, but it's with many other girls and boys(well, a little more trouble finding boys who are willing) who are modelling for the site, and it hasn't officially launched just yet, hopefully within the next two months. In fact, my icon picture is one of the pictures from my first set. It makes me feel really strong to be a woman with a curvy body that isn't exactly skinny who is willing to show how proud I am of everything I've accomplished in my life and my body. I'm doing a double major, I work at a Women's Resource Centre, I have a lot to be proud of. My opinions and experience is nearly identical to yours. It is definatly empowering for me to be doing this. I think it's something very difficult to explain to people who aren't into it. My friends for example, just don't get it. They think it's great I'm doing it, but they would never want to do it themselves.

Maddy, I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's definatly understandable that you don't wish to learn more about the industry and you shouldn't have to force yourself to find out about a subject that makes you so uncomfortable. I guess all I was asking that those in the thread keep an open mind, and it definatly sounds like you are. Thank you.

Knorl, in response to this: "i just cant see how anyone can say that there is nothing "wrong" with the sex industry, when i've seen so many women be hurt through it."
I really really really don't think anyone was saying that the sex industry is all butterflies and rainbows. There is a helluva lot wrong with it, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I'm actually hoping to write my Master's Thesis on feminism and sex work (having just written a final paper on it) and so discussions like these are really invaluable to me, and I've found out incredibly disturbing information on the aspects that are wrong with the industry.

In response to feeling somewhat attacked by some of the comments, it was unclear to me that they were just about hardcore porn, as well, I think some of our definitions are unclear. To me hardcore can be described from something as simple hard fucking, to the really dirty stuff. The distinction was never made so I think that's where some of the confusion came in, simply the definitions. It really sounded like the comments that were made were being generalized to all sex workers.

I think there's some really valuable information in this thread that was starting to get discussed on the current page before more insults started to get thrown around. If anyone still wants to carry on the discussion I hope it can be done here, or perhaps moved to a new thread and just let this one die? Does someone want to suggest a "Feminism and Porn" thread in the community forum? Let me know if anyone is interested and I'll suggest. I for one would like to see more discussion and perhaps some civil debate. I think we have a lot of different opinions and helpful insights to share that can enlighten everyone.