[missjuliet]

Dear lovely Bustees,

I know I'm still a newbie here, but I am in a terrible place right now and need some advice.

Today I discovered that my boyfriend has a "porn problem"

My father had a terrible problem with porn as well and it led to my parents divorce. Because of this, porn is a really touchy subject for me.

I've told him about my father and why it upsets me before. I confronted him about it and he lied, but I was sneaky and went on his computer where I saw some really strange things. It had to do with drawn animals and it was really disturbing.

Anyway, I'm terribly upset and was wondering if I'm overreacting.

Do all guys really watch porn?

If you're going out with a guy do you feel it's ok if they do watch it?

And if you feel it's ok do you ever feel upset that he isn't satisfied with you and you only?

I'm so confused and upset.

He said he'd change, but I'm not sure what to believe.

Please help!

<3

[falljackets]

fuck.

ok, i'll stand up.

my name is FJ and i'm a former sex industry *slave*. i had one of those paysites that guys pay money to join. i did it and i liked doing it. no one coerced me. no one forced me. the only reason i'm not doing it now is that i broke my back in a car accident in 2003. and i look at the men's magazine that i was published in and just shake my head with positive amazement. and when i showed it to my 89 year old grandmother in law, she nearly cried with joy because i was able to do that. i am not and was not ashamed.

now, i must also state for the record that this was NOT a porn site, at least not under my definition, although i'm beginning to realize that there are a great many varying definitions on what constitutes porn. while i did have images depicting me with other female models, i never had pictures of myself performing sex acts on my site (male or female). i was offered A LOT of money to do it, but i was able to prevent myself from sliding down that slippery slope.

i make that distiction not to say, "but i never fucked anyone on camera", but just for informational purposes. i know the degree of my "activity" won't make a difference to many of you. i was clearly in the sex industry.

and i had other options. i had a degree, had worked as an editor, a marketer, etc. and had made decent money at those things but didn't really ENJOY what i was doing.

then, i stumbled upon a friend from high school's website and was intrigued. i wrote her an email telling her how great she looked and how proud i was of her for being so successful (she is very well-known in her circles). she emailed me back to say thank you. that so many other people had found her site and sent her disgusting notes calling her a whore and such.

we began talking online and she introduced me to a local photographer and i went in for a photoshoot. and from the first snap of the shutter, i was hooked. i LOVED getting all glammed up and taking pics. most of my work was either lingerie/pin-up or completely nude. and i LIKED it. i liked looking at my pictures and seeing myself looking hot. it did make me feel powerful. perhaps that's difficult for anyone here to understand.

i ran my site as a business. i had no agency working for me. i found my own jobs, my own photographers, i had to be smart enough about who to contact, how to network, who to trust, etc. sure, there are MANY young women who get tied up in the sex industry that should NEVER be there. they may not have the capabilities or have been given the opportunities to find *legitimate* work. many of these are the girls that wind up falling victim to the industry. but most of the models i know are hard-working and college-educated. and IN CHARGE of every shoot.

i know many of you think that i was objectifying myself and perhaps i was, but i wasn't feeling badly about it. i have a positive self-image and my work did nothing but possibly enhance that image. i knew exactly what i was doing. and i know that most of the members of my site were jerking off in front of my pictures. but in my view, if anyone was being manipulated, it was the guy who bought a membership of my site and allowed himself to fantasize that he was my man for the night or whatever. i never heard a thing from many of them. but there were a number that would send me emails and tell me about their lives. they knew i was in a serious relationship/married the entire time and would ask me about my husband (and not about sex, mind you).

and when i was involved in the accident, many of them sent in donations to help me with me recovery. they didn't get anything in return for that. i only add that tidbit because the perception of men who watch/look at porn/websites, etc as the evildoer rapist is not always the case. i'm not saying that i would want to go out to dinner with one of my members, but then again i don't know that i'd want to go out to dinner sight unseen with many BUSTies either. that's just the way it goes.

someone said down there that no one rents a porn by themselves to get an emotional connection with another person. well, of course. but what about those socially inept people that otherwise would have no sexual outlet?

i'm not sure where i'm going with some of this and i'm at work, so i can't focus on this as much as i'd like, but i still wanted to get this out there. katiebelle said there are BUSTies out here that have not spoken up and i thought i'd come out of the woodwork in support of her arguement.

and don't worry, i'm certainly woman enough not to be threatened or disheartened by this thread.