[sidecar]

I see my life as split into Before He Died and After He Died. And while I am closer to BHD Stevie than I have been since the accident, I will never be that girl again. Day to day gets easier; it never lets up in the long term.

It's been almost two years and I can't bring myself to remove my brother's name from the frequent contacts list in my fucking phone. Like it's going to bring him back or something.

I think I'm stuck in the anger phase these days. Whenever it comes up, whenever I feel compelled to say something about it, it always ends with me muttering "What a fucking waste." Because it was. Twenty-year-old kids shouldn't die in car accidents.

[girlygirlgag]

I don't think it ever gets easier.

[yuefie]

I would just like to know, when the hell does it become easier on holidays and birthdays of the deceased loved ones? You know, time heals all wounds and all that BS. It's been nearly six years since my mama died and her birthday is still just as hard for me as it was the first year and every year since. The only day that is harder for me is the anniversary of her death. Yeah, that one sucks big donkey balls. I am ok with death, it happens, it's the cycle of life. But I am not okay with how much I miss her and that I find it hard to remember the sound of her voice.

[yuefie]

(((((((zora)))))))) I am so sorry sweetie. It'is a special brand of grief when the death is a suicide. I don't know what else to say except I am sorry you are having to go through this

I am glad you restarted this thread.

[zora]

I just had a co-worker and a friend commit suicide and I'm pretty broken up about it. We weren't very close, but we were getting to be. When I found out he died, my first thought was, "No....not him.....we were just begining to be friends."
I feel pretty terrible and so do a lot of my co-workers. Everyone's been really good to eachother and giving hugs plus they brought in a greivence counseler and she talked to a group of us today.

I want to know when I will finally accept that he's gone, for good. I still can't believe it.