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> Go Ahead...ask Me About My Abortion
i_am_jan
post May 16 2007, 03:03 PM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
***
Posts: 488
From: Columbus, Ohio


Abortion is legal in this country. But one of the things the anti-choice have been successful at is making it taboo to talk about it if you made the choice to have one. Hush hush. And what if you were trying to make the decision whether to have a baby or not? Silence makes it difficult for people to ask one another about it or get any input from the people who've actually experienced it. I think now is as good a time as any to break the silence. And besides, I've never really discussed it that much.

It happened when I was 16 years old. My very first boyfriend. My very first sex.

I hadn't even taken an algebra class yet. Or an American Literature class.

My parents, I knew, were conservative Christians who would never let me choose anything for myself, including religion, friends, lifestyle, classes in school I wanted to take. Not even my boyfriend, who they hated simply because he was my boyfriend. I knew I couldn't go to them unless I wanted to have a baby at the age of 16 and be a mother throughout high school, college and for the rest of my life.

I grew up with five brothers and sisters in my house and several foster children as well throughout the years. I knew I didn't like being around other people that much. I knew I didn't like being responsible for my little sisters the way my parents always tried to make me, I didn't like being held accountable for others' behavior.

Bottom line: I didn't need to have many years under my belt to KNOW - just KNOW - in my gut - WITHOUT a question - knowledge and wisdom that I know in my heart came straight from Mother Nature - and was the essence of my very being and nature- that I was not cut out to be a parent. And I knew in my heart - that early on - that that would NEVER change.

No matter what I have ever seen, nor what anyone has ever said to me, that has remained true. TRUE.

I understand there are others who have questioned their decision to have an abortion, and I can certainly understand why a person might, and is certainly free to do so. But I personally knew without question after having thought it through.

If I had wanted to be a parent, I would have simply told my parents and went ahead and told them and become a mother. But there were too many other things I still wanted to do with my life and motherhood was not one of them.

I am almost 40 years old now and this remains true. Never have I been even remotely tempted to be a parent. The concept of someday possibly adopting does sound tempting to me when I choose to entertain thoughts of helping out a poor little helpless child who is already here through no choice of her own. But in my heart, I know that even that would not be for me probably.

So my boyfriend took me to see a doctor at the clinic. It was confirmed I was pregnant. We made a date to have the abortion and we kept it.

I've never wavered for one minute thinking that maybe it wasn't the perfect thing for me to do. I know that God told me that being a parent was not for me.

I also knew after it happened one thing: that I would get some form of birth control - which I did immediately by having my boyfriend pick up a bunch of rubbers - because I never wanted to go through the trauma again of having to make that decision, stress and worry, have my body invaded like that again. Go to a hospital. Put my life in the hands of doctors. Know what they were doing down there when I was having the abortion. Bleed for hours afterward. Take the pills afterward. Not be able to sleep. I did not ever want to have that happen to me again.

I'm so very glad abortion is legal and available and was an option for me.

I LOVE children by the way. My nieces and nephews, children of friends and strangers, I love them to pieces. The responsibility and caretaking of them is not for me however.

But mostly I just feel sorry for children in THIS world.

It's funny when people ask me so seriously "do you ever regret your decision to have an abortion?" I could never even imagine regretting it. The only thing I regret is getting pregnant in the first place and having to have it done.

Fortunately, we live in a world where abortion is legal and if I ever got pregnant again, I would have another abortion. But that would suck.

I am glad I live in a world where it is legal to talk about this stuff. That felt pretty good to say that stuff.
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Posts in this topic
i_am_jan   Go Ahead...ask Me About My Abortion   May 16 2007, 03:03 PM
faerietails2   [b][size=7]*WARNING* [b][color=#006400]tro$...   May 16 2007, 08:01 PM
starshine   [color=#FF0000][b][size=7]*WARNING* [color=#00640...   May 19 2007, 01:27 AM
glassk   Hmm.... might be worth talking about anyways. Star...   May 16 2007, 08:36 PM
shinyx3   i sorta like the little reminder from the only ant...   May 16 2007, 09:36 PM
nickclick   i love it! Support Planned Parenthood's ...   May 17 2007, 08:06 AM
_octinoxate   jan, thanks so much for starting this thread and f...   May 17 2007, 10:13 AM
i_am_jan   Thanks for the support. I feel that abortion is...   May 17 2007, 10:31 AM
girltrouble   sorry, i meant to do this last night. the bust...   May 17 2007, 10:54 AM
missladyj   thanks for sharing your story jan   May 17 2007, 04:01 PM
lapis   Jan, thank you. This is really important--people n...   May 17 2007, 04:48 PM
thepointybird   I'm glad you started this Jan. I'm also gl...   May 17 2007, 04:57 PM
i_am_jan   Lapis: I love what you have to say. It rings tru...   May 17 2007, 05:11 PM
doodlebug   jan, thank you for being brave enough to tell your...   May 17 2007, 06:38 PM
girltrouble   jan, you rock. it takes a lot of courage to say t...   May 17 2007, 09:04 PM
starshine   ditto on starting this thread jan! one of my ...   May 17 2007, 10:47 PM
i_am_jan   pointybird: Wow. That is an incredible story...   May 17 2007, 11:22 PM
treehugger   Jan, thank you for posting this. I had an abortio...   May 18 2007, 05:14 AM
thepointybird   Jan - yeah, I'd been to England many times bef...   May 18 2007, 11:19 AM
treehugger   Treehugger, sounds like your experience with this ...   May 19 2007, 08:41 PM
karcher   oh wow. thank you jan for starting this, and ever...   May 19 2007, 12:42 AM
lapis   One thing this post reminds me of is how much shee...   May 19 2007, 10:34 AM
lapis   Vapid antagonism is not welcome here. Any god-lovi...   May 19 2007, 11:37 AM
i_am_jan   karcher: Your story really touched me actually. ...   May 19 2007, 01:21 PM
lapis   WithoutExcuse, thanks. I genuinely appreciate your...   May 19 2007, 01:27 PM
lapis   I apologize, friends, for straying from the discus...   May 19 2007, 01:41 PM
i_am_jan   pointybird: I'm glad you were able to work it...   May 19 2007, 01:46 PM
i_am_jan   God bless you lapis. I am glad you are here. It ...   May 19 2007, 01:48 PM
mornington   jan, I really admire your courage in starting this...   May 19 2007, 03:32 PM
amazonprincess   I am grateful this thread is here and for those of...   May 19 2007, 08:41 PM
i_am_jan   Wow, treehugger, how frightening, how vulnerable y...   May 19 2007, 10:18 PM
lapis   I can't wait to be a parent to teach my child ...   May 19 2007, 11:19 PM
_octinoxate   anyone here heard the song "lost woman song...   May 20 2007, 02:16 AM
crazyoldcatlady   oct, i was thininking the same thing when i was re...   May 20 2007, 08:05 AM
treehugger   I just bought it on I-tunes. :) Thanks for the r...   May 20 2007, 09:06 AM
i_am_jan   I'm back. Some folks seem to love images of h...   May 21 2007, 03:12 PM
treehugger   OMG! You know, I never thought of that! ...   May 21 2007, 08:13 PM
kelkello   Wow. All these stories. Amazing. I had my abort...   May 21 2007, 08:40 PM
i_am_jan   kelkello: Thanks so much for sharing that. So mu...   May 22 2007, 08:04 AM
i_am_jan   kelkello: I was curious: Did you have to debate ...   May 22 2007, 01:17 PM
kelkello   My father never knew because he lives far away and...   May 22 2007, 04:14 PM
shinyx3   ok, i will share my story here as well. there are...   May 22 2007, 05:37 PM
_octinoxate   kel, thank you for your story. shiny, thank you f...   May 22 2007, 07:52 PM
i_am_jan   shinyx3: Thanks so much for sharing your story. ...   May 23 2007, 08:09 AM
into_a_bulb   I had an abortion when I was sixteen. I was consid...   May 23 2007, 08:48 AM
i_am_jan   I just wanted to say thank you to whomever put up ...   May 23 2007, 09:33 AM
emlikesart   I am so glad that I came across this thread today....   May 23 2007, 09:49 AM
i_am_jan   And I think there must be some sort of "mothe...   May 23 2007, 11:06 AM
thepointybird   Big love to everyone posting in here (apart from t...   May 23 2007, 11:18 AM
culturehandy   Jan, I am glad that you created this thread. A pla...   May 23 2007, 11:44 AM
Arcadia   I also think this was a really good idea for a thr...   May 23 2007, 10:03 PM
shinyx3   i aslo notice that several of us went through this...   May 24 2007, 07:22 AM
i_am_jan   shinyx3: Oh my god, I didn't even think about...   May 24 2007, 08:26 AM
emlikesart   I remember when I got mine that there were three o...   May 24 2007, 09:29 AM
shinyx3   it is good that you were given the information. i...   May 24 2007, 11:29 AM
i_am_jan   I did the cheapest one too, the one Em described, ...   May 24 2007, 11:51 AM
shinyx3   wow, jan, that is impressive that you went to scho...   May 24 2007, 01:12 PM
kelkello   I only had one option...half a valium about 10 min...   May 24 2007, 02:22 PM
i_am_jan   kel: I hear you in regard to the wishing for a mi...   May 25 2007, 09:18 AM
thepointybird   Here in the UK, abortion is sometimes done on the ...   May 26 2007, 05:12 PM
faerietails2   *delurks* I just want to say how much I admire yo...   May 26 2007, 05:45 PM
kelkello   For those of you that read my story, you might rem...   May 26 2007, 09:16 PM
i_am_jan   Thanks for that link Fairietails. I'm going t...   May 28 2007, 02:20 PM
dirtyfrenchnovel   I had an abortion 2.5 years ago. I found out at th...   May 29 2007, 12:15 AM
i_am_jan   dirtyfrenchnovel: Thank you very much for sharing...   May 29 2007, 10:24 AM
i_am_jan   Just wanted to say I will be away from computers f...   May 30 2007, 08:43 AM
samiam   I had an abortion 9 years ago, when I was 22, livi...   Jun 2 2007, 10:14 AM
shinyx3   Sam, it takes a strong woman to look at her life a...   Jun 2 2007, 01:15 PM
samiam   I think that one of the guys possibly responsible ...   Jun 2 2007, 02:48 PM
saktii   Samiam, I also had an abortion at about 21 or 22 a...   Jun 6 2007, 12:38 PM
nickclick   only popping in to say, there are a lot of smart b...   Jun 7 2007, 11:08 AM
samiam   Saktii -- THANK YOU!!! Our situations...   Jun 7 2007, 01:16 PM
saktii   Saktii -- THANK YOU!!! Our situations...   Jun 7 2007, 03:31 PM
samiam   Thanks for the tip. As macabre as it sounds, this...   Jun 7 2007, 04:01 PM
dayglowpink   Wow, I can't believe I just found this thread ...   Jun 7 2007, 05:20 PM
sassafrass   One thing that's always made me feel kinda cra...   Jun 7 2007, 08:06 PM
kelkello   Thanks for the tip. As macabre as it sounds, this...   Jun 7 2007, 08:17 PM
saktii   I feel sort of guilty for NOT feeling guilty about...   Jun 7 2007, 08:29 PM
samiam   I know what you feel about not feeling guilty. On...   Jun 7 2007, 09:04 PM
shinyx3   guilt is so much of a trap and no matter how hard ...   Jun 8 2007, 12:22 PM
kelkello   Word, Shiny. Guilt is definitely a trap. I fee...   Jun 9 2007, 05:13 AM
saktii   Word, Shiny. Guilt is definitely a trap. I feel ...   Jun 9 2007, 01:20 PM
samiam   Well, it's done. You know what? I feel bette...   Jun 9 2007, 05:12 PM
shinyx3   see sam, you are strong! I am glad you made i...   Jun 9 2007, 06:33 PM
samiam   Thanks for all you support, ladies. I was talking...   Jun 10 2007, 03:46 PM
samiam   Just when I was feeling pretty good about this who...   Jun 14 2007, 02:39 PM
shinyx3   guess that just lets you know one more time that y...   Jun 14 2007, 07:26 PM
dayglowpink   Has anyone seen the movie Jesus Camp? I just watc...   Jul 3 2007, 01:47 PM
knorl05   dayglow: i actually recently just heard about that...   Jul 9 2007, 10:25 AM
karategrrl   Hi, ladies. I just popped in here to read a few p...   Jul 29 2007, 07:49 PM
datagirl   My period was late (5 days) on Monday so I went to...   Aug 1 2007, 06:03 PM
shinyx3   data, hang in there, i dont think this is an easy ...   Aug 1 2007, 09:33 PM
datagirl   Thank you so much Shinyx3.This thread is so needed...   Aug 1 2007, 10:58 PM
shinyx3   you may want to ask about counciling or therapy at...   Aug 2 2007, 09:55 AM
i_am_jan   datagirl: Hope you're doing okay. You will m...   Aug 2 2007, 11:20 AM
shinyx3   jan, sooo glad you are back! missed you! ...   Aug 2 2007, 12:06 PM
culturehandy   (((data)))) honey.   Aug 2 2007, 01:37 PM
datagirl   i_am_jan thank you for your wise words. Everyth...   Aug 3 2007, 05:17 AM
shinyx3   oh, no data, you are not a bad person. you are a ...   Aug 3 2007, 07:17 AM
pollystyrene   ((data)) exactly what shiny said.   Aug 3 2007, 11:30 AM
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