[i_am_jan]

Abortion is legal in this country. But one of the things the anti-choice have been successful at is making it taboo to talk about it if you made the choice to have one. Hush hush. And what if you were trying to make the decision whether to have a baby or not? Silence makes it difficult for people to ask one another about it or get any input from the people who've actually experienced it. I think now is as good a time as any to break the silence. And besides, I've never really discussed it that much.

It happened when I was 16 years old. My very first boyfriend. My very first sex.

I hadn't even taken an algebra class yet. Or an American Literature class.

My parents, I knew, were conservative Christians who would never let me choose anything for myself, including religion, friends, lifestyle, classes in school I wanted to take. Not even my boyfriend, who they hated simply because he was my boyfriend. I knew I couldn't go to them unless I wanted to have a baby at the age of 16 and be a mother throughout high school, college and for the rest of my life.

I grew up with five brothers and sisters in my house and several foster children as well throughout the years. I knew I didn't like being around other people that much. I knew I didn't like being responsible for my little sisters the way my parents always tried to make me, I didn't like being held accountable for others' behavior.

Bottom line: I didn't need to have many years under my belt to KNOW - just KNOW - in my gut - WITHOUT a question - knowledge and wisdom that I know in my heart came straight from Mother Nature - and was the essence of my very being and nature- that I was not cut out to be a parent. And I knew in my heart - that early on - that that would NEVER change.

No matter what I have ever seen, nor what anyone has ever said to me, that has remained true. TRUE.

I understand there are others who have questioned their decision to have an abortion, and I can certainly understand why a person might, and is certainly free to do so. But I personally knew without question after having thought it through.

If I had wanted to be a parent, I would have simply told my parents and went ahead and told them and become a mother. But there were too many other things I still wanted to do with my life and motherhood was not one of them.

I am almost 40 years old now and this remains true. Never have I been even remotely tempted to be a parent. The concept of someday possibly adopting does sound tempting to me when I choose to entertain thoughts of helping out a poor little helpless child who is already here through no choice of her own. But in my heart, I know that even that would not be for me probably.

So my boyfriend took me to see a doctor at the clinic. It was confirmed I was pregnant. We made a date to have the abortion and we kept it.

I've never wavered for one minute thinking that maybe it wasn't the perfect thing for me to do. I know that God told me that being a parent was not for me.

I also knew after it happened one thing: that I would get some form of birth control - which I did immediately by having my boyfriend pick up a bunch of rubbers - because I never wanted to go through the trauma again of having to make that decision, stress and worry, have my body invaded like that again. Go to a hospital. Put my life in the hands of doctors. Know what they were doing down there when I was having the abortion. Bleed for hours afterward. Take the pills afterward. Not be able to sleep. I did not ever want to have that happen to me again.

I'm so very glad abortion is legal and available and was an option for me.

I LOVE children by the way. My nieces and nephews, children of friends and strangers, I love them to pieces. The responsibility and caretaking of them is not for me however.

But mostly I just feel sorry for children in THIS world.

It's funny when people ask me so seriously "do you ever regret your decision to have an abortion?" I could never even imagine regretting it. The only thing I regret is getting pregnant in the first place and having to have it done.

Fortunately, we live in a world where abortion is legal and if I ever got pregnant again, I would have another abortion. But that would suck.

I am glad I live in a world where it is legal to talk about this stuff. That felt pretty good to say that stuff.

[shinyx3]

ok, i will share my story here as well. there are so many inspiring stories of strong women here!

i had my son when i was 21 years old. his biological father was never very involved accept to come around to steal money and what ever he could find of value. when i found out i was pregnant i wanted to consider all my option and he was horrified that i was such an evil person "how dare you even think of killing my baby" he said. (i might add that at this point he already had a little girl he seldom saw and paid no support for by another lady) i basicly let him talk me into not even looking into any option other than having the baby. my son is now 10 years old and a truely lovely boy. i however was pregnant with him on my own, went through all the baby stuff on my own all while working full time and going to school full time so i could make a good life for my baby. (i look back on that time and wonder how it was at all posible yet i did it.)

when my son was almost 2 i met and immediatly married a man who i thought was going to be a great father for my son. not long after i got married i got pregnant again. this time however i was married and although not at all rich we were financially able to care for a baby. emotionaly however, i was totally unwilling to go through the whole thing again. (both these pregnancies were while i was on the pill by the way) i had tons of fears about everything including some major reservations about having a child with my husband. i held my head up high and informed him that i was not going to keep the pregnancy. i did not put it too him as a question or choice of his. he cried but did not argue. he went with me to the procedure but not in the room with me. i had a vaccume procedure with out any medication. (still not sure why they didn't give me any vallium or anything but that is niether here nor there.)

i remember looking up at the ceiling and thinking just a few more moment and this will be over. afterwards i was weak and queasy but my husband was pretty upset so again i held my head up and told him all was ok and that i had made the right choice.

i am since divorced from him (he really didn't turn out to be a great dad) and remarried to a really loving and wonderful man who is so good to me and to my son who he calls his own. i truely thought i would not ever have another child. i thought i had been through enough and ha a sweetboy and had no need for another. so when my husband and i decided to try for a baby i had to go over in my mind, for myself, all the reason to have a baby and all the reasons not to have a baby. in doing this i came back in close contact with my concious decision to terminate my previous pregnancy. in doing this and looking at the situaltion with hindsight and 8 more years of life experience i can only say that as life is, it is not one of the enjoyable or happy memories that i have but i am so thankful that i had and made the choice that i did and i am completely sure that it was the choice i should have made. i am now expecting my second son in august and am so excited. this is how it is supposed to be, planned, happy, and when i am ready.

my whole experience has made the right to choose a cause that is near and dear to my heart as i do not want to imagine life with out that valuable right to chose the path of ones own life.