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> Go Ahead...ask Me About My Abortion
anarch
post Jan 30 2012, 01:13 AM
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Stories from Ask Metafilter
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LangleyHeidi
post Jan 24 2012, 06:47 AM
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I agree with the poster above and think that everyone is free to choose. I have to confess, I went through an abortion when I was 20, and I don't regret it - I was just a student, and even if I left my college, how would I work with a baby to care for? My partner was reluctant to help me, and in this case it is a better way than giving birth to a child who will live in hunger and will be deprived of a happy childhood.


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anarch
post Mar 29 2011, 04:16 PM
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Ours To Tell: first hand accounts of abortion experiences
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auralpoison
post Aug 13 2009, 09:29 PM
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I hope everybody is doing well post-procedure.


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buttercups
post Aug 11 2009, 03:51 PM
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Hey ladies, I just wanted to let all of you know that I used to work at Planned Parenthood and I was a patient advocate helping women with support during the actual abortion procedure. I hope you all know how strong you truly are and I will always admire you for making the best decision you can make for you- regardless of what that decision may be. If anyone needs help/support or has any questions I can try my best to help because I've been privileged enough to have had the opportunity to help so many women already during this difficult time. There is already so much wonderful support on this forum and if there is anything I can do please let me know.
<3 buttercups
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kittenb
post Aug 11 2009, 07:02 AM
Post #6


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{{{{datagirl}}}}

{{{No_PLastic}}} Sorry I'm late to the conversation. I hope everything went well and you are doing okay. Feel free to post anytime.


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auralpoison
post Aug 4 2009, 03:50 PM
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(((((No_Plastic))))) You guys sound like you are doing what's right for you right now. You have no illusions, you've got your heads on straight. If you should need us, know that Busties are around & we've got yer back, huh? We'll be thinking of you & yours.

And to make you smile . . . I'm thirty-four & just bought a copy of Bust with my ultra-conservative, Jesus freak auntie in tow. Trying to explain that Bust is a "women's magazine, but not a dumb one" when the cover mentions something about a woman likening her lady parts to looking like Mick Jagger? Her flipping through & coming across a clearly lesbian one-handed read? Yeah, that was an awkward ride home!


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No_Plastic
post Aug 4 2009, 03:43 PM
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I've been a BUSTie for years, since high school when I was the girl who went against the grain and read what everyone thought must be lesbian porn in study hall.

That's why I came here today, because I knew if there was one place I could talk about my abortion tomorrow, it would be here. It's my first. My first pregnancy at 21, my first abortion. First, after years of being told "Nah, you'll probably always have fertility issues." Apparently not always.

I've been with M since February or so- not long. We have ups and downs, but we're pretty solid as far as couples go. We're friends first and foremost.

I knew something wasn't right last week. I was nauseous all the time, and a few other factors came into play that I didn't even pinpoint until after (sensitive nipples, emotional rollercoaster, etc.). Saturday night, driving home from his house at 1 a.m., I stopped at a grocery store on a whim almost and had a grumpy old man unlock the case for me so I could buy a test and sneak off to their bathroom.

It was positive, of course.

He lives with his dad while he's in school (he'll be a senior in college this coming year), and I live with my mom while I'm.. not. I called his house, his dad answered, he woke Matt up and put him on the phone. When I started babbling incoherently, unable to say anything more specific than "I took a test.." he drove out to meet me.

After one more positive result (two for two), we decided straightaway that we'd have to terminate. I'd just turned 21, and if it happened when we thought it did.. excessive birthday celebrations overlapped the pregnancy by a few weeks. On top of that, I'm a smoker, making this a really healthy first trimester. Beyond all this came our own personal feelings. Neither of us is ready to be a parent- not while he's in school, not while I'm working a crap job managing web sales for a small company. It's just not... responsible of us to bring a child into this world.

So I went to the clinic today for my consult, and he went with me. We were escorted into the building by a very sweet (though potentially very scary given how armed and massive he was) security guard, past the protesters with their signs and their prayers for my mortal soul. Everything else went smoothly, and I'm not really afraid, not exactly. I'm six weeks and three days pregnant, and I saw the ultrasound. Tomorrow won't be easy. It's not supposed to be. We'll cuddle and cry afterward, and probably watch the Princess Bride and other comfort-movies. I'm just happy to have his support and care in all of this, just like I'm happy to give him mine.

End long rambling story and begin soapbox- We're making the best choice, for us. It's no one else's decision to make. I'm not proud of this, but I'm not ashamed either. If I'm ashamed of anything, its of the fact that I was irresponsible to begin with.

Someday, when I'm ready, I'd love to be a mom. Hell, I'd love to be a mom now, but I know that's one of the worst things I could do for myself at the moment, not while my life is still in chaos.

Reading what you women (and men too) have had to say has been inspiring. Saturday I worried I wasn't strong enough and today I know I will be.
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datagirl
post Jul 20 2009, 10:50 PM
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Thanks sybarite and crazyoldcatlady.I really appreciate your support.
I'm still doing ok.Life is sort of normal and I still haven't had the depression that I had last time.Perhaps last time I was just in shock in what I had been through.This time is very different however.I feel ok.It may have something to do with the fact that I'm not working at the moment so there's little stress or a need to put on a 'professional' persona to anyone.
I spoke to me ex last night and after I was done being angry at him we had a somewhat civilised conversation.
He said that the reason why he was so closed off at the clinic and afterwards was that he felt numb.He couldn't penetrate the wall that he felt that I'd built (can you blame me??) And he also felt afterward that something inside of him had died. I listened patiently and had to keep reminding him that this isn't about him. I don't have it in me yet to console him.I could feel that that was what he wanted from me and that just made me more angry. As i said before,he's not a bad guy.We were both equally responsible for what happened.
I just want to go about my daily life,trying to find work and get back into a sane form of rhythm.I'm not sure whether I like men all that much.The disparity and unequality in men and women flaws me at times.Especially in regard to abortion.
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sybarite
post Jul 20 2009, 08:38 AM
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it's cards on the table time
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((((Datagirl))))) Come back and post here if you need to, anytime. And good for you for geting closure, for yourself, with the ex. Take care (((you)))
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crazyoldcatlady
post Jul 17 2009, 07:14 PM
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ginormous hugs for ((((datagirl))))
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datagirl
post Jul 17 2009, 06:46 PM
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Oh guys Thank you so much.You know some of my most personal stories.I only told three of my friends that I was pregnant and only one of them knows that I terminated yesterday.
All is well for me today thankfully. I have no side effects and weirdly my dreams last night were of a huge reunion with my high school friends.We were exchanging maroon buttons (they were a feature of our uniforms). It was a brilliantly sunny day and was held by the water at my old workplace. I don't know why but since I took my dreamcatcher out of my room my dreams are no longer violent.

My ex tried but didn't seem all that supportive at the clinic yesterday.He just held his head like he was a child in trouble for something.He didn't speak to me all that much even when I tried to make a weak joke about the sweat pants I was wearing ( I never wear sweat pants outside my house.)I had to make the atmosphere lighter for my own sake.When it was all over he just dropped me off after offering to take me to Subway!.Then he just drove off.He hasn't called and I don't really care if I never hear from him again. It was an intense,romantic relationship over the past seven months or so.We visited nude beaches in the summer,were both musicians and played some of Sydney's best venues.But It's over now and for that I'm thankful.

I'm now just waiting for the pregnancy hormones to go away and for the inevitable depression that follows after a termination.It happened last time but of course I'm hoping that I stay the way I am now.Well rested and looking forward in finding a job or perhaps going away to a retreat which my ex actually said that he was happy to pay for.So he's not all bad.Just clueless in some situations.

I truly hope I never have to go through this again,but know that I have done the right thing for me. I'm going to go shopping now and buy some bright red converse sneakers as a gift to myself to make me feel better.
Thanks again Busties.Although I may never meet any of you,you are some of the most remarkable, supportive and non judgmental of people I ever had the fortune of spilling my guts to. Thank you (((())))
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sybarite
post Jul 16 2009, 04:04 AM
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((((Datagirl))))
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auralpoison
post Jul 15 2009, 10:03 PM
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(((((Datagirl)))))


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girltrouble
post Jul 15 2009, 09:59 PM
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(((((datagirl)))))


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"what a swell farewell party! we said goodbye to everything, including the lining in my stomach." - garvey, from the film, born bad

"That's one career all females have in common, whether we like it or not: being a woman. Sooner or later, we've got to work at it, no matter how many other careers we've had or wanted." --margo channing, all about eve
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anarch
post Jul 15 2009, 09:58 PM
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(((datagirl)))
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kittenb
post Jul 15 2009, 09:24 PM
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{{{datagirl}}} I hope everything goes well tomorrow. Good luck with the counseling and everything.


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In times of destruction, create something.
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pollystyrene
post Jul 15 2009, 07:46 PM
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Too many mutha uckas, Uckin' with my shi-
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(((datagirl)))


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You went to school where you were taught to fear and to obey, be cheerful, fit in, or someone might think you're weird.
Life can be perfect. People can be trusted. Someday, I will fall in love; a nice quiet home of my very own.
Free from all the pain. Happy and having fun all the time.
It never happened, did it?
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datagirl
post Jul 15 2009, 07:33 PM
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Tomorrow I'm booked in to have a termination.It's the second one in two years.
The whole story is in the pregnancy thread which I thank for all the Busties support.
I know now that I'm not being swayed,that I don't love the father or even respect him a whole lot either. I just feel very sad for the pregnancy.For the false potential I've built up in my head and the idea that I could have done it all alone.I can't.
I keep thinking that this time tomorrow it will be all over.The neusea and tiredness will have started to go away and I can begin to think truly about how I can get my life back on track. I honestly thought that a baby would somehow bring R and I back together and would perhaps have him love me again. I no longer want this from him.In fact I'm not even sure if I want him in my life anymore.
It's the right choice for me to make right now.I'm not going to bring a child up alone in my apartment.It would neither be good for me or the child.I'm not sure why I'm even posting all this.I'm not particularly needing support but I guess it's really for other Busties either having a termination for the first time or having to go through with it all again.The fact that I'm terminating again is upsetting in itself.I will seek councelling after tomorrow.
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anarch
post Jul 13 2009, 09:50 PM
Post #20


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Just adding some useful resources (I should probably re-post them here every so often):

Pregnancy Options Workbook

in the US,

Backline (a non-judgmental talkline for talking about being pregnant and thinking about what to do, or talking about post-abortion feelings)

Exhale (a non-judgmental post-abortion talkline)


(I did look for similar talklines in other countries but couldn't find anything, sorry)
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