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> Go Ahead...ask Me About My Abortion
candycane_girl
post Jul 12 2009, 11:41 PM
Post #21


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bump
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anarch
post Feb 26 2009, 03:00 PM
Post #22


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(x-posted in Perilous Position of Choice)

Feministe has an interesting discussion about "Why are even smart liberal men freaked out about abortion?"
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thepointybird
post Oct 17 2008, 06:58 AM
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Bumping for all you lovelies, hope everyone's ok!
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kittenb
post Sep 19 2008, 11:06 AM
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{{{nelly}}} you have all our support.


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i_am_jan
post Sep 15 2008, 10:46 PM
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((((Oh nelly)))). I know hon. Let Ma Time do her job. We'll understand it all, by and by. We are here for you. Keep in touch if need be.
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culturehandy
post Sep 14 2008, 03:05 AM
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(((((((nelly)))))))


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auralpoison
post Sep 14 2008, 12:28 AM
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Aw, dang. (((((Nelly)))))


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anarch
post Sep 13 2008, 10:12 PM
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(((nelly)))
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sybarite
post Sep 13 2008, 03:04 PM
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it's cards on the table time
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(((Nelly)))
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deschatsrouge
post Sep 12 2008, 03:58 PM
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((((Nelly))))


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neurotic.nelly
post Sep 11 2008, 08:40 PM
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I am depressed, and today, I regret it. And I feel like I am being punished, even though I know that this is BS.


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NoSissy
post Aug 22 2008, 09:03 AM
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QUOTE(bob4both @ Aug 21 2008, 02:10 PM) *
I probably shouldn't even be poking around in here but...

Just a comment with no judgement or predjudice intended on either side of the debate. It's just a secret I've been carrying for many years, and somehow after reading your stories, I want to share as well.

My gfriend had an abortion while I was in the Navy & out to sea. By the time I even recieved the letters of her situation, comtemplation & decision, it was done. I never had a word to say about it, though my general feeling is it was hers to make. It hurt, it still does after many, many years...maybe even more so since I have now been blessed with a daughter my own. It's not an easy decision for anyone, I don't believe.

Funny the things you'll share with strangers, and leave your family & friends in the dark about...


Well Bob, I believe you touched on one of the important reasons for this thread. Sometimes everyone needs a place to air their feelings, and doing that here may give someone else insight on their own situation. My second abortion is pretty much a secret to everyone but my man. I'm actually ashamed that I had to do it, because after my first one i took risks with birth control thinking I would then be ready to have a child, but I was wrong. I'm embarrassed that I misjudged my own situation and then had to put myself through that again! Anyway, I believe that this thread is meant for information, compassion and insight. I don't think there is any debate here.
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olivarria
post Aug 21 2008, 06:30 PM
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(((Sierra82)))

Bob4both, my opinion is that even though it was her decision to make, it's still ok to feel sad or feel grief about an abortion. It changed the course of both your lives and conjures intense emotions and that's only natural! I have never had an abortion, but I had an (potential?) half-sibling who was aborted. I met my dad when I was 18, and he told me that an ex-girlfriend of his (not my mom) had an abortion which was his. I know this may sound strange or cruel, but my immediate feeling was relief. Because this was not a man who should reproduce. The only reason I turned out half-way decent is because I was moved away from the backwoods, racist, dead-end town we were in, and raised my a wonderful mother, and adopted by a new dad. If i had been raised in that town and by my biological father I would be a very different person, definitely for the worse.

I didn't know his ex-girlfriend, but considering the situation, I don't think the child would have a had a life of great quality. My biological dad was angry because he thought it should have been partly his decision. But consider that when my mother had me he never came to see me once, and he eagerly gave up his legal rights because he didn't pay any child support and didn't want to. He never tried to get in touch with me. So i don't know why he thinks he should have played a part in that decision!

A couple of relatives encouraged my mom to abort me. I'm happy that I'm here but of course I am pro-choice. Only the woman carrying the fetus can make that decision. I feel very offended by any legislation that tries to prevent me from controlling my own reproductive freedom, which is why I don't support Ron Paul, but that's another thread....


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bob4both
post Aug 21 2008, 01:10 PM
Post #34


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I probably shouldn't even be poking around in here but...

Just a comment with no judgement or predjudice intended on either side of the debate. It's just a secret I've been carrying for many years, and somehow after reading your stories, I want to share as well.

My gfriend had an abortion while I was in the Navy & out to sea. By the time I even recieved the letters of her situation, comtemplation & decision, it was done. I never had a word to say about it, though my general feeling is it was hers to make. It hurt, it still does after many, many years...maybe even more so since I have now been blessed with a daughter my own. It's not an easy decision for anyone, I don't believe.

Funny the things you'll share with strangers, and leave your family & friends in the dark about...


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"Earth: The insane asylum for the universe..."
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Queen Bull
post Aug 15 2008, 06:58 PM
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good luck sierra! i hope everything works out for you. Having an abortion was the hardest thing that i have ever done, and maybe will ever do. I know, however, that regardless, you will make the right decision for your situation.

<3's


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rubberdollz
post Jul 26 2008, 04:20 PM
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A few years ago I took my sister to have an abortion and I paid for it as well. Unfortunately she was in a position in her life that having a child was not an option. She already has 2 boys and financially having a 3rd child was not an option. I paid for it and stayed at the place with her while she had it done and you know I never would condemn my sister for doing it. I think every woman has a right to the decisions they make because it is their body.

I know that the decision was the hardest decision she had to make but she knew it was the right decision for her. I think that weighing the pros and cons of your life/situation can help you to figure out what the next step is.

No one can tell you what to do or make the decision for you.
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anarch
post Jul 25 2008, 04:20 PM
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(((sierra)))

how are you?

You've got our support, whatever is going on with you.




I just came in here to post this in case it was of interest to anybody:

"how can you help the women you love to have positive memories of their abortions? I would love to hear from readers about the factors that made a difference in their abortions being positive or negative memories."
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dayglowpink
post Jul 16 2008, 11:59 AM
Post #38


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((((sierra)))) As everyone has said, abortion is never an easy decision, and there may still be emotional pain involved even if it is the right decision for you. I would encourage you to be true to yourself and make the choice that feels the most right to you. I've had two abortions, and I believe that abortion is the right choice for many women in many situations, but I also believe that sometimes practical reasoning may not be the only way to make a decision; we must take our emotions and feelings into consideration as well. Good luck.
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NoSissy
post Jul 14 2008, 08:28 AM
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QUOTE(sierra82 @ Jul 9 2008, 09:03 PM) *
I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. It really wasn't supposed to happen. It's not like we were careless; we unintentionally made a mistake. I really didn't feel any indication that I was pregnant, and even after the positive test I was still in denial. The only reason I took a test was because I chart my basal temperature every morning, and knew something was up when I had more than 12 days of high temps. My boyfriend and I have discussed before what we would do in this kind of situation, and after talking about it last night we both decided that the best thing to do is to terminate it.

But that was before the whole thing sunk in today. I'm scheduled to have the surgical termination in a week and I'm feeling super depressed about it. I'm 26, my boyfriend and I have been together for years and do plan on marriage and kids someday. He is someone that I do want to eventually have kids with, and I think that is making this all the harder. It's just not the right time -- I'm trying to finish a doctorate, he's trying to start his own business, neither of us has a permanent income source, we wouldn't even be able to live together for over another year. And we've had concrete plans concerning when we want to have kids... it's a long story but basically we KNOW we can't have a child in the kind of environment that we're in and need to wait until we're in a much more secure situation. And honestly... we're really just not ready to be good parents.

I thought I'd be able to be much more stoic about this. But I can't help but feel horrible. I'm really afraid that by the time next week rolls around, I will feel a connection to "it", because I already kind of do. I've been crying on and off all day and have already found myself hysterically apologizing to it. I'm feeling guilty and selfish even though I keep telling myself that it really is best, that a child cannot be raised properly in my current situation. My brain believes it, but my heart thinks it's a crock of shit.

I'm also really worried that all this will somehow change my relationship with my boyfriend. I'm not sure how, but it worries me. It's like, this is a product of our love, and now it's going to be destroyed. I'm also scared about the surgical procedure itself, worried that something will go wrong causing me to not be able to have a baby in the future. I will have thrown away my chance.
Please, if anyone can sympathize or offer any advice as to how to gather the strength to go through with this, please share.

Well my dear, I don't envy the decision you have to make, but it is highly unlikely that having an abortion will interfere with future pregnancy. So let that be the least of your worries. Some people are able to completely embrace having a child despite it being unplanned, but often there is a lingering unconscious vibe of resentment that will mess with a kid even if you think you'd never let such an emotion show. However, the opposite may also occur in the form of a feeling of total open hearted love an commitment. It just depends upon the people involved. As far as the effects on your relationship they can be negative OR positive. My choices actually STRENGTHENED my relationship, because my b-friend didn't HAVE a choice about being a father at 17. Those girls decided that for him, and he obviously was not ready. He is only just now figuring our how to be a REAL father to his boys, and they need ALL his attention. He knows that choosing to terminate my pregnancies was not an easy choice, but he is SO GRATEFUL that I was strong enough to do it. Not just for myself and our relationship, but for his boys. He was incredibly supportive through EVERYTHING, and the experience has strengthened our bond. You have a very different situation, and if you think your man may resent you for termination, I believe you need to take that into consideration. It is YOUR body, and YOUR CHOICE. But your choice will also decide whether he's a father or not. That's pretty huge. So talk to him about it. Make sure you're both on the same page. If you're not and he can't understand your convictions then it MAY cause you to part ways. If he says he'll support whatever you decide then he's a really good man, but emotions run deep and it's crucial that you're both being as honest as you can with YOURSELVES, and each other.

Good luck my dear.
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i_am_jan
post Jul 12 2008, 12:39 PM
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((((((vegdumpling)))))) We're here for you sweetie.
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