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> Return Of The Vintage Busties, over 35 & fabulous,dahling!
missladyj
post Sep 4 2007, 05:05 PM
Post #1


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,103
From: chi town


The weird thing about being in the 30's is that sometimes the conversation turns to mortages and shit like that.

I sometimes will be doin laundry on a saturday night, enjoying every minute of it and then I wonder:"HOw did I become such a functional adult with a career, husband, and house?" It is just so wild to me.
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sybarite
post Sep 4 2007, 08:12 AM
Post #2


it's cards on the table time
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I've never really wanted kids, although when the mister and I got together it became intense quite quickly and he brought up having kids early-ish. I think the look of shock on my face clarified my position on that for him. smile.gif Saying that, as our relationship became solid I deliberately thought long and hard about having them... so I now feel I've come to an informed decision, full circle really: no kids for us. The mister has one of his own so he's happy either way, and is actually I think quite relieved, as a new baby would put quite a dent into our plans for travelling and/or eventually emigrating.

I've posted about this before, but I've been lucky in that my parents don't put any pressure on me to have children at all; in fact I think my dad, for one, is relieved. My sister wants them though, so the 'family line' will continue.

I admire (good) parents and feel the job of parenting is one of the hardest, albeit also potentialy the most rewarding. It's just not for me/us, and I relish our relative freedom from that responsibility.

What I increasingly run into is the property conversation. Most of my good friends own their houses but for me that's still a couple of years down the road. I honestly don't mind, particularly as property prices where I live have been ludicrous. I try to resist that sense that I'm not a proper adult until I own my house, though.
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billybonka
post Sep 2 2007, 06:23 PM
Post #3


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 522
From: Texas


We never had the "someday maybe" phase. Not long into our marriage, perhaps even before, we decided there would be no kids. My parents never did really push it much. But from time to time something would slip out. It amuses me that around ten years ago at a family reunion, there were several small children around and my parents were visibly agitated by their presence. Maybe they realized that they weren't so disappointed after all.

No one should have kids unless they want to (visions of Caucescau's Romania where 5 were expected - most became orphans). It's great that we can make that decision on our own without having to justify it.

I've never thought about the "looking for a birth father" scenario because no one has been looking to me for that role (uh, not that I'm aware of). North may have seen it, though.
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zoya
post Sep 2 2007, 04:54 PM
Post #4


uh huh.
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billy -

I think I'm probably pretty lucky in that area, because my parents actually stopped asking a long time ago. I have a couple of brothers who have kids, so that's taken any pressure there might have been, off. (but I never really felt any, actually) What I hear more often from them is "when are you going to settle down and get a real job..." (uh.. never)

Really, I think that any expectations of having kids were probably more self-imposed - it's never been a huge priority for me, nor has it ever been a deal breaker in a relationship to have or not have kids - but I think that somewhere in my head, I always just thought "ok, I'll have kids someday" without giving any real, deep thought to the whole subject. So now that I'm getting older, I'm actually giving thought to something that I'd never thought about before: what do I CHOOSE in terms of having kids? (as opposed to something I was socialized to figure I'd just do as a matter of course)

Something that a guy friend of mine brought up that I'd never even thought of before (and i don't know if this is true, northpole and billy, maybe you can weigh in on this) is that some guys think that just because you're in your late 30's, are single, dating, and don't have kids, that you're on the prowl to find a husband / father. ie: in your mind, when you're dating, you just want to hunt for a husband and get knocked up quick. Which couldn't be further from the truth. I mean, yeah sure, I really really want to be in a good, healthy, mutually exclusive committed relationship with someone I'm really compatible with - but I'm not looking at every single guy as someone I want to immediately marry and have babies with.

Makes me wonder if that is part of the reason it can be more difficult for us older girls to meet someone (although I've not had any real problems with meeting guys..Specially the somewhat younger ones.)
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billybonka
post Sep 2 2007, 03:16 PM
Post #5


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Posts: 522
From: Texas


Raisan, Zoya & North, perhaps at some point, your parents will quit asking or wondering. I dont' recall when that happened with my family, but they eventually came to terms that there will probably be no grandkids. My older brother, long divorced & single, won't have a family unless something bizarre happens. The only sad part of this is that it creates a deadend for the family line. I have regretted that over the years, but not enough to volunteer to do anything about it.

Stargazer, I think it's generally hard to grow older as a single. Society isn't particularly geared to handle that. But I agree that it's probably harder for a woman. And society is still weird about people being childless. Everyone thinks it's their business smile.gif
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zoya
post Sep 2 2007, 12:44 PM
Post #6


uh huh.
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yeah, northpole, I concur... If I had to choose between being in an excellent relationship with no kids, or to 1) keep looking for someone who wants to have kids or 2) get into a relationship that ends up coming second to the kids, I'd choose the relationship.

At this point, I know that the chances I'll have kids are probably 50% at most, (especially since I'm not in a relationship and have no real prospects of one - and I would only have kids if it was a mutual decision with a partner in a committed relationship) so I would really rather focus on having a great relationship when the right person walks into my life.

Totally different way of thinking than I did, shit, even a year ago. But I think that, for me, that has been a big part of becoming a healthy, mature person. Coming to terms with that has helped take any self-imposed pressure off finding a certain type of partner, in a certain period of time..
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northpole
post Sep 2 2007, 09:57 AM
Post #7


BUSTie
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From: Calgary, Alberta, Canada


While reading this thread, it was like hearing a familiar old tune. Even though I'm a guy (just turned 40 this spring), my parents (well, my mom mostly) are wondering when I'm going to settle down, get married and give them a grandchild. I have one older brother and one older sister, both of whom are married and have chosen to not have children.

And like zoya, I'm learning to embrace the fact that I may not have children of my own as women my age either already have them, or do not want to have them. In my younger years, it would have been a deal breaker if the woman wasn't interested in having children, but it's not a deal breaker anymore. Finding that special someone with whom I 'click' is much more important.
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stargazer
post Sep 2 2007, 09:39 AM
Post #8


brown delicious
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you are right raisin, this thread originally for +30 and over.

anywho, yeah, i agree with you about feeling like wasting their time in their 20s. actually, there is research that believes adolescence lasts until the age of 27. so, maybe i'm finally growing up now. wink.gif

unfortunately, growing old as a women is harder than for a man. i mentioned this statement to a male friend. cause we get harped on about the whole "have babies now before you can't" thing. it is ok for a man to grow old and be single. that's stupid.


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raisingirl
post Aug 30 2007, 09:53 PM
Post #9


PANTIES! ew.
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BUMP!

Hey..... yeah, this thread used to be 30+! Increase for inflation?

Well, I'm not yet 35 and I don't feel old, either, and I'm only reminded of my age when people (still) have the nerve to ask me when I'm going to get married and settle down.

A few of my friends have had children only within the last couple of years, but before that I didn't have any friends or family members of my generation with children.

I think the competition thing exists no matter what age people are; in my experience it has more to do with the people than their ages. Then again, maybe I don't care much what others think of me, so I'm not one to notice it.

Anyway, my parents still drive me absolutely bonkers from time to time and did so again tonight. Deep down I think they don't always know how to communicate with me because I'm not married and don't feel a biological clock going off with regards to having babies. We live within driving distance of each other and it feels like they're breathing down my neck sometimes. I get along better with them when we are living thousands of miles away, not a double digit number of miles away from each other.

I was one of those teenagers who thought she was going to die a horribly tragic accidental death at 27 like Hendrix and Morrison, and so I never really gave much thought to what my life would be like as an adult. Weird, eh?

It's only within the last year or so that I've really truly felt grown up, more than I ever did before. Something deep in me has shifted -- I can't quite pinpoint it tonight, maybe I need time to think about how best to word it -- and I finally feel like okay, I want and need to be making some long-term goals and plans and get excited about them. I did too much physical and emotional drifting in my 20s and I've had enough with this coasting through life with seemingly no real inner direction.
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sybarite
post Aug 9 2007, 07:07 AM
Post #10


it's cards on the table time
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Bump?
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missladyj
post Jul 24 2007, 09:19 AM
Post #11


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,103
From: chi town


I just went to my girlfriends 40th birthday weekend bash and it was awesome.

I think most of my women friends are in their 30s and I don't think it's just older women who can be catty and competitive. I had a girlfriend call me up to complain that she had to hang out with these really uptight women who were out at a park in the middle of summer and had to bust out blotting tissue. She couldn't understand it. I told her it's cuz she is not used to hanging with women who are constantly concerned about their looks or only concerned about getting a man. I am fortunate that my women friends are all smart, confident, strong women. Just like you Busties!!
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zoya
post Jul 23 2007, 04:17 PM
Post #12


uh huh.
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From: the world.


I definitely have to agree with Sybarite and Stargazer, I feel like I have so much more in common with people in general (male and female) who are in their mid to late twenties and early thirties than I do with people my own age (ugh, I can't bring myself to say my actual age, but late 30's)

I honestly don't mind saying my age per se, because I know that chronological years have nothing to do with anything, but I guess it's more of the rest of the world's perception of what someone in their late 30's is that makes me reluctant..

I have some friends my age, but most of my friends tend to be anywhere between 5 and 10 years younger than me. And as far as dating goes, I'm really not that interested in guys my age. Seems like when they get to be in thier late 30's, they're either bitter about some past relationship, if they haven't been in a serious relationship I start wondering what the hell is wrong with them that they've never had a serious relationship by that point in thier lives, or else they are divorced with kids and I have no desire to be insta mom. I have nothing against kids, I like kids. I just don't personally want to walk into a relationship that has that extra challenge to it. And like I said, I don't want to be insta mom.

It's funny, in the last year I've ended up having the "do you ever want to have kids" conversation with a few friends, both male and female, who are in their 30's, so I've been thinking about it a lot. I think that for me, in the past it would have been a deal breaker if I knew my (at this point, imaginary) partner didn't want to have kids. But now, it's not so much of a deal breaker. I've had to be real honest with myself and realize that I'm pretty happy with my life the way it is. I kinda like being able to pick up and go whenever I want to. And to be able to spend my extra money on stuff I want to buy for me or as gifts for friends, etc. Plus, there are a couple of people just getting into my industry that I've been kind of mentoring - I get so much out of it, and I wouldn't have the time if I had kids. So I think that there are other things that I can give my time to that are just as important.

That said, if I was to get pregnant I would have it - but I just don't see myself trying at this point to go out of my way to have kids. I'm not really disturbed by that. It's honestly never really been that much of a deal breaker for me, and it is becoming less so. I do agree that other people seem to have more of a problem with that outlook than I do.
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stargazer
post Jul 23 2007, 01:53 PM
Post #13


brown delicious
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oh so glad for this thread. but, didn't the thread use to be for people 30 and over?? i'm 31 (going on 32)...can i join??

about the competition thing...i only sense that when i'm the only single gal in a room full of married/coupled people. i feel like that scene in bridget jones where she goes to dinner with all of those couples. yuck.

i don't feel older at all. i only feel older when people remind me that i'm unmarried and should settle down soon if i want to have kids. you know, the whole biological clock ticking thing. yeah, that doesn't make me want to rush into things one bit.


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sybarite
post Jul 23 2007, 08:12 AM
Post #14


it's cards on the table time
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Posts: 1,993


Silly, what you describe doesn't surprise me. I don't like to be so reductive, but since I got into my 30s, most the women I meet are (at least initially) kind of chilly, territorial and look me up and down, whereas when I get talking to women in their 20s they're so much more relaxed and you can just have a normal conversation. I hate this idea that when women reach their 30s they somehow get competitive with each other but I do seem to see this play out alot.
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missladyj
post Jul 19 2007, 09:29 AM
Post #15


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,103
From: chi town


Cool!
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treehugger
post Jul 18 2007, 04:53 PM
Post #16


cryostat bitch
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Posts: 1,717


Hmmm....well I believe that the Red Hat club allows younger members in, but they wear pink hats instead. wink.gif You can be our resident "lit'l squirt"... smile.gif


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missladyj
post Jul 18 2007, 10:35 AM
Post #17


Hardcore BUSTie
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Posts: 1,103
From: chi town


Hey ladies, I will be turning 34 in September. Do i still get to hang?
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sassafrass
post Jul 14 2007, 01:11 PM
Post #18


BUSTie
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Posts: 30


Hey Silly, I'm s'prised you experienced that. I'm always s'prised when women are catty, etc. I'm 37 and I'm still friends with many of the girls I went to high school with, despite the fact that we've all moved to different states. We were really lucky in the sense that we all were loving and supportive: true friends. So I didn't grow up with the idea that female friendships would be competitive or mean. I feel sad for women who have no girlfriends b'cuz they've only experienced the negative and lump all women in the same category. Anyway, this could be a good forum; I hope more busties pipe up!
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treehugger
post Jul 13 2007, 07:11 PM
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cryostat bitch
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Heh...and here I thought I had to be one of the only Busties to remember (and to have owned) Pong! I'm 39, will be 40 next february. I'm glad to see this thread!


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sillygrrl13
post Jul 12 2007, 07:08 PM
Post #1


BUSTie
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Posts: 51
From: Florida


(Guess who's back? Silly's back. tongue.gif )
Been meaning to restart this thread... ya'll jump back in. Let's get caught up,dolls!

Here's a "Who-da thunk it?"
I joined a Meet-Up group for "women over 40." It started out kinda fun, but turned into a festering snake-pit of attitude & back-biting. Well, being that I worked out all my high school issues in high school (!), I jumped back out. Joined a "Girl's Night Out" group (gotta find gals to hang with that aren't completely about hubby & kids,know what I'm saying?), & even though I'm at least 10 years older than most of the members, it is WAY more fun & WAY less drama! I really didn't expect that at all. Any thoughts?



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