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> He/she Did What?!, weird, funny, odd sexual experiences....or just plain what the hell??&
zoya
post Oct 4 2007, 06:06 PM
Post #1


uh huh.
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Posts: 1,818
From: the world.


well, as there has been a general consensus to start this thread, here we go! (and how ironic it is that this is the first thread I've ever started, considering I have only had sex twice this year. yes, it's been a dry one)

I can't think of having anyone do anything particularly weird, but I can think of a funny / odd one.... I got caught in a blizzard with a friend once for 3 days. We'd always kind of had a little thing for each other and we ended up having sex almost the whole time.. the only thing was, he had terrible gas for some reason. So with just about every thrust, he'd fart. at first he was mortified, then finally just gave in and went with it. I actually remember laughing during sex as he kept going 'here comes another one, hold your breath!' god.. it was pretty weird in the scheme of things, but it makes me laugh every time I think about it.
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kittenb
post Sep 3 2008, 08:40 AM
Post #2


There is nothing ironic about Show Choir!
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Posts: 3,261
From: Chicago


Hahaha! I always warn my boyfriend, "Anything that dangles becomes a toy!"


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In times of destruction, create something.
MHK
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Ronia D'Arc
post Sep 21 2008, 11:14 PM
Post #3


BUSTie
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Posts: 13


Today simply sucked, and the only funny thing that happened was that I showed a complete and total stranger, a complete and total male stranger, my pussy.

Yes, that's right, I said pussy. And ok, he was a dermatologist, and I was actually showing him a mole on my pussy, but I still pulled down my underwear, moved one leg to the side, and fiddled with my very pink, and very sexual-looking, labia, right in front of his face. His face, which was attached to his head, which was resting a mere three inches away on the examining table so he could get a REALLY good look at my mole. And, by default, my pussy.

It was surreal. When you have a gynecological exam, your head is kept far away at the other end of the table, far from the action, and you can kind of pretend that you're not being poked and prodded with what clearly is a rusted torture device left over from the Middle Ages; you can lie there and take nice, deep, relaxing breaths, plan your day, chat amiably with the hairy-knuckled doctor while he slides a lubed finger into your most intimate places, whatever. It's all good, because there are two feet of torso separating you psychologically from the fact that a stranger is doing things to you that you definitely wouldn't let your husband get away with, not even if he was on his best behavior for ten years and put in a swimming pool and got you a horse for your birthday.

During a regular gynecological exam you can lie there and ponder those things, you can ruminate on the idiosyncracies of life, you can philosophize, because what is happening down there has nothing to do with you, really, at least not in an emotional sense. Sure, it's your vagina that white-coated person is breezily ratcheting up to the circumference of a tree limb, but it's not really your problem. It's not any more your problem than, say, figuring out how to make those collection agencies stop calling your house 840 times a day. If it is somewhat troublesome, if it creates a little snag in your sense that all is well and good--in your sense that no, of course you are not in danger in losing your car or being gouged in the uterus with a pointy object--well, you can just ignore the whole thing. You can gaze at the mauve-colored ceiling and think pleasant, philosophical thoughts. You can take a little nap. You can plan your day.

When you're forced to participate in the task at hand, when the presence of your head and the voicing of your thoughts are required elements of the transaction, it's a whole other story. Suddenly, the stranger (whose nose hairs, by the way, don't look that different, up close, from your pubic hairs) is not just a white-coated automaton but a very real human being. He is a very real male human being who, despite being kind of short, is not altogether bad-looking. He's a little bald, but he's not nearly old enough to fit into the "benign" category, so you can't help wondering, while pulling your rosy labia this way and that so you both can get a nice good look: Woah dude--what if he's TURNED ON BY THIS???

And while he explains to you afterwards--having straightened up so he is once again talking to you while looking at your face--that the mole is probably not cancerous, the burning sensation that woke you up two nights in a row was probably due to a skin tag or a wart, you try to avoid the sight of yourself in the mirror behind him, because if you don't you'll see that the corners of your mouth are twitching and you won't be able to keep from laughing. You'll start laughing in an embarrassed, obvious way, and the secret, the badly concealed secret that he is a man and you are a woman, and your pussy was just in his face, will come out of hiding and hover there, bright and undeniable, between the two of you. And then who knows what will happen.

-Ronia D'Arc

P.S. Yes, I'm totally motherfucking pimping myself here. So be it. You want more? Please come to http://roniadarc.blogspot.com
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Posts in this topic
zoya   He/she Did What?!   Oct 4 2007, 06:06 PM
zoya   ps - I have no idea how an "&" sign ...   Oct 4 2007, 06:09 PM
culturehandy   Oh I have a good one! I had a man start playi...   Oct 4 2007, 06:43 PM
edie52   Zoya, my ex used to fart during sex. He often had ...   Oct 5 2007, 02:16 AM
sybarite   A friend and I ended up making out some years ago....   Oct 5 2007, 05:33 AM
culturehandy   I remember one! I was blowing this guy one ti...   Oct 29 2007, 01:29 PM
themeiu   sybarite, you just reminded me of something simila...   Oct 29 2007, 01:51 PM
candycane_girl   Am I the only person who senses a connection betwe...   Oct 30 2007, 10:36 PM
zoya   jeez, you'd think if they had a small penis, t...   Oct 31 2007, 08:23 AM
dj-bizmonkey   ya know, you'd certainly think so, right? i h...   Oct 31 2007, 11:09 AM
p_176   i once dated a guy (BRIEFLY) who expected oral sex...   Oct 31 2007, 12:18 PM
culturehandy   That's a deal breaker for me. If a guy doesn...   Oct 31 2007, 12:33 PM
erinjane   It's now a deal breaker for me. I dated a guy...   Oct 31 2007, 01:27 PM
zoya   it's an absolute deal breaker for me. No way ...   Oct 31 2007, 02:13 PM
candycane_girl   My first boyfriend went down on me long before I e...   Oct 31 2007, 04:43 PM
edie52   I was with a guy for years who wouldn't do it....   Nov 1 2007, 01:17 AM
culturehandy   Strawberry jam? What on earth does he thinks comes...   Nov 1 2007, 06:42 AM
candycane_girl   Wow. Strawberry jam. I just.....I mean, do guys th...   Nov 1 2007, 07:33 AM
zoya   god, bleh.. ok, I've had people put food on me...   Nov 1 2007, 08:02 AM
culturehandy   Zoya, I second the smell of a nice clean cock. It...   Nov 1 2007, 08:14 AM
zoya   really? I LOVE uncut guys. had no problems with...   Nov 1 2007, 08:28 AM
culturehandy   And I'm the total opposite. I prefer circumsiz...   Nov 1 2007, 08:59 AM
candycane_girl   I have somehow never been with an uncircumsized gu...   Nov 1 2007, 12:34 PM
edie52   Candycane girl, I had the same problem earlier pos...   Nov 1 2007, 01:28 PM
culturehandy   My ex wasn't circumsized. I don't like the...   Nov 1 2007, 01:36 PM
anna k   That's like seeing chocolate-flavored condom...   Nov 1 2007, 02:50 PM
edie52   I really like circumsized penises- the way the for...   Nov 1 2007, 04:00 PM
candycane_girl   edie, years? YEARS?! That is just wrong! ...   Nov 1 2007, 04:13 PM
edie52   I know. I was in love. That shit never would have ...   Nov 1 2007, 04:33 PM
candycane_girl   Eek! Even if I was in love with a guy, I would...   Nov 1 2007, 04:57 PM
culturehandy   Correct you are Anna! Like his cock was a fuck...   Nov 1 2007, 06:43 PM
minx   I get so irritated by the sheer amount of men who ...   Nov 5 2007, 07:37 PM
Lilith   I don't have a problem with men who don't ...   Nov 6 2007, 08:21 PM
pepper   i don't want a man who doesn't like giving...   Nov 6 2007, 09:41 PM
Mrs.LockGamer   Ummm I don't know if I like the whole going d...   Nov 16 2007, 08:17 PM
konphusion26   Having a "skilled" man go down on you is...   Dec 4 2007, 01:12 PM
fuzzz_brain   I have a list of funny/strange things my "new...   Dec 13 2007, 11:06 AM
konphusion26   1.While taking a quick breather, he started pinchi...   Dec 13 2007, 03:28 PM
sexysandee   Fuzzz Brain ~ that was so funny. I don't know...   Dec 13 2007, 03:20 PM
stargazer   I already posted this in the general sex thread, b...   Dec 13 2007, 07:42 PM
fuzzz_brain   If only I was a troll and this was pure fiction. ...   Dec 13 2007, 08:41 PM
konphusion26   HAAAAAAH!!!!! He sounds like a...   Dec 13 2007, 10:20 PM
candycane_girl   Aw, he sounds so cute.   Dec 13 2007, 09:47 PM
toastybean   aw fuzz...he sounds fun! last guy i dated lov...   Dec 28 2007, 09:50 PM
fuzzz_brain   Isn't it weird when they just do the same thin...   Dec 29 2007, 06:03 PM
Italianwife88   Wow I think I just struck a jackpot coming to this...   Dec 30 2007, 02:25 PM
calpurnia   funny, odd experience? The guy who, during our fi...   Jan 1 2008, 07:12 AM
zoya   calpurnia - I'm with ya on the oral being a de...   Jan 1 2008, 12:14 PM
knorl05   toasty: LOL. literally. @creepy dude.   Jan 1 2008, 02:36 PM
humanist77   This is probably something my sister does not need...   Jan 1 2008, 06:59 PM
sexysandee   I had no idea where to post this....but I had to p...   Jan 11 2008, 12:55 PM
grrrlyouwant   him: *grunt grunt pant* pretend...*pant pant* pret...   Jan 25 2008, 11:45 PM
sexysandee   him: *grunt grunt pant* pretend...*pant pant* pret...   Jan 28 2008, 11:52 AM
erinjane   Oh my god, that's so freaking creepy!   Jan 26 2008, 12:57 PM
shinyx3   yucky yucky yucky! that man needs some real h...   Jan 26 2008, 02:16 PM
dayglowpink   I have to say that I don't think any kind of s...   Jan 28 2008, 07:34 PM
obelix2   I gotta agree with dayglowpink. As an emotionally ...   Jan 28 2008, 07:59 PM
i_am_jan   grrlyouwant: Anytime someone has come out with th...   Feb 1 2008, 07:51 PM
culturehandy   I do believe that in terms of sexual fantasy, that...   Feb 6 2008, 10:34 AM
Owl_Gang_Girl   I just have to jump in here on the old Oral debate...   Aug 31 2008, 09:40 AM
culturehandy   bump   Aug 31 2008, 11:00 AM
damona   how did i not know this thread was here???!   Aug 31 2008, 03:32 PM
pepper   well, i don't know about not trusting a dude w...   Aug 31 2008, 10:31 PM
thirtiesgirl   It's not that I won't trust a guy who does...   Sep 1 2008, 11:32 AM
culturehandy   My thing is that my pussy is good enough to fuck b...   Sep 1 2008, 02:19 PM
zoya   me too, culture (the men I get involved with lovin...   Sep 1 2008, 03:14 PM
bob4both   Ok, not to change the subject (cuz going down is a...   Sep 3 2008, 02:49 AM
mouse   GO AWAY   Sep 22 2008, 02:15 AM
girltrouble   what a dumbshit. really? we're supposed to be ...   Sep 22 2008, 04:28 AM
culturehandy   Oh for fuck sakes, this is the same thing you post...   Sep 22 2008, 07:54 AM
i_am_jan   eyou. personally, I prefer to keep my sex/erotici...   Sep 22 2008, 10:02 AM
culturehandy   jan, getting your cervix scraped is soooooo hot th...   Sep 22 2008, 10:08 AM
i_am_jan   That's exactly what I mean culture. The mere ...   Sep 22 2008, 07:10 PM
culturehandy   Oh Jan, you know what else gets me hot? tell me I ...   Sep 22 2008, 07:21 PM
i_am_jan   Yessss...just once...tell me I'm never going t...   Sep 22 2008, 07:48 PM


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