[roseviolet]

Looks like the old version of this thread was accidentally deleted, so it was suggested that it be revived. Well, here it is!

[mouse]

ok, first off, this took place outside the store, he yelled running past me before i even said anything to him, the "change" came afterwards, and since you seem to be particularly offended by this one point which to me seems to be inconsequential--seen squished up in my bag, fake guts made from stuffed pantyhose painted pink, kinda really do look like pussy.

secondly, in case i haven't explained it well enough, his entire demeanor towards me changed. if i'd headed back towards my car and ignored him, or given him a dirty look, or said fuck off, or whatever else i could've done to say that i didn't appreciate him fucking with me by yelling in my ear (and i didn't, certainly, appreciate that), he would've either sulked off or continued to harass me. instead, i engaged him in the same subject he was on--halloween--and treated him as though he hadn't been a douchebag. and the reaction was that he was not (as much of) a douchebag as a result, and he made the point to genuinely wish me a happy halloween and wave as he left. i know you weren't there, but believe me--it was entirely different.

i can see that my words could easily get twisted to make the point that i'm saying women should ignore men's harassment and just be nice to them--this is ridiculous, and of course that's not what i'm saying.

the point i'm making is that whatever he was doing, whatever he was getting his kicks by harassing me for, somehow it was mollified by my treating him like a friend.

i was raised quaker, and as such was immersed in peaceful conflict resolution, mediation, etc etc etc constantly. stuff about turning the other cheek, being kind even if they are not being kind to you, jean-valjean-being-given-extra-candlesticks-after-stealing-the-silver kind of stuff. i loved the idea of it, but as i grew older i became skeptical.

i'm still skeptical--i'm not going to say that this kind of stuff will stop you from getting robbed or whatever. but it's worth a try and the times that it does work--as i just experienced--it feels AMAZING.

i'm not trying to "impress" you. this isn't an issue about men yelling at women, or violence towards women specifically. it's not a feminist issue. that's not the point i'm trying to make. it's a humanist issue, and it's about reaching out to somebody you don't want to reach out to and as a result making both of you change your mind maybe a little and FEEL BETTER. it made my night better and i'd be willing to bet it made his night better too.

i think everybody deserves respect and friendliness--yes, EVEN IF they aren't displaying it to me. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. it's become a platitude, for sure, but it's true.

i don't want to sound holier than thou and i realize i kind of do, but this realization was important to me in a really deep way. i think it's probably an unpopular viewpoint to take as a feminist, but i think that sometimes there are things that are more important than my personally being offended. and yeah, actually, i don't want to have to drag race/class/culture into it but i have to say i DO think the dynamics would've been different if it had been a white frat boy and me, white hipster girl, instead of a young hispanic guy in a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood.

i don't want to get into an argument with you. but i do want to make the point that the "turn the other cheek" thing doesn't really have exceptions for people you don't like, or don't like how they treat you. the whole point is about exactly those people.