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> Take It Outside, the thread for disagreements & derailments
roseviolet
post Sep 7 2008, 02:30 PM
Post #1


Pacifism kicks ass!
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Posts: 3,064


Looks like the old version of this thread was accidentally deleted, so it was suggested that it be revived. Well, here it is!
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mouse
post Nov 2 2008, 05:26 AM
Post #2


Most Likely Procrastinating
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Posts: 2,534
From: shangri-l.a.


ok, first off, this took place outside the store, he yelled running past me before i even said anything to him, the "change" came afterwards, and since you seem to be particularly offended by this one point which to me seems to be inconsequential--seen squished up in my bag, fake guts made from stuffed pantyhose painted pink, kinda really do look like pussy.

secondly, in case i haven't explained it well enough, his entire demeanor towards me changed. if i'd headed back towards my car and ignored him, or given him a dirty look, or said fuck off, or whatever else i could've done to say that i didn't appreciate him fucking with me by yelling in my ear (and i didn't, certainly, appreciate that), he would've either sulked off or continued to harass me. instead, i engaged him in the same subject he was on--halloween--and treated him as though he hadn't been a douchebag. and the reaction was that he was not (as much of) a douchebag as a result, and he made the point to genuinely wish me a happy halloween and wave as he left. i know you weren't there, but believe me--it was entirely different.

i can see that my words could easily get twisted to make the point that i'm saying women should ignore men's harassment and just be nice to them--this is ridiculous, and of course that's not what i'm saying.

the point i'm making is that whatever he was doing, whatever he was getting his kicks by harassing me for, somehow it was mollified by my treating him like a friend.

i was raised quaker, and as such was immersed in peaceful conflict resolution, mediation, etc etc etc constantly. stuff about turning the other cheek, being kind even if they are not being kind to you, jean-valjean-being-given-extra-candlesticks-after-stealing-the-silver kind of stuff. i loved the idea of it, but as i grew older i became skeptical.

i'm still skeptical--i'm not going to say that this kind of stuff will stop you from getting robbed or whatever. but it's worth a try and the times that it does work--as i just experienced--it feels AMAZING.

i'm not trying to "impress" you. this isn't an issue about men yelling at women, or violence towards women specifically. it's not a feminist issue. that's not the point i'm trying to make. it's a humanist issue, and it's about reaching out to somebody you don't want to reach out to and as a result making both of you change your mind maybe a little and FEEL BETTER. it made my night better and i'd be willing to bet it made his night better too.

i think everybody deserves respect and friendliness--yes, EVEN IF they aren't displaying it to me. an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. it's become a platitude, for sure, but it's true.

i don't want to sound holier than thou and i realize i kind of do, but this realization was important to me in a really deep way. i think it's probably an unpopular viewpoint to take as a feminist, but i think that sometimes there are things that are more important than my personally being offended. and yeah, actually, i don't want to have to drag race/class/culture into it but i have to say i DO think the dynamics would've been different if it had been a white frat boy and me, white hipster girl, instead of a young hispanic guy in a rapidly gentrifying neighborhood.

i don't want to get into an argument with you. but i do want to make the point that the "turn the other cheek" thing doesn't really have exceptions for people you don't like, or don't like how they treat you. the whole point is about exactly those people.


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jam out with your clam out
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Posts in this topic
roseviolet   Take It Outside   Sep 7 2008, 02:30 PM
thenewrussia   Does anyone have Facebook? Does anyone play the a...   Sep 17 2008, 04:00 PM
stargazer   russia, this is the wrong thread to post your ques...   Sep 17 2008, 04:11 PM
pollystyrene   First of all, don't single me out as the one s...   Sep 23 2008, 04:30 PM
girltrouble   dood. i can't believe that you interrupted tha...   Sep 23 2008, 04:52 PM
girlygirlgag   Alrighty. GT, I think you are great, but you need...   Oct 1 2008, 11:27 AM
girltrouble   so if i reply then it's just another hissy fi...   Oct 7 2008, 12:35 PM
erinjane   so if i reply then it's just another hissy fit...   Oct 7 2008, 12:43 PM
girltrouble   honestly, i had no issue with you, ej, i took you...   Oct 7 2008, 01:20 PM
bunnyb   I think bunnyb made a good point that she feels li...   Oct 7 2008, 02:17 PM
erinjane   I'm sorry I made you feel that way, erinjane. ...   Oct 7 2008, 02:47 PM
girltrouble   thank you bunny, that's awful sweet of you. i...   Oct 7 2008, 02:39 PM
vixen_within   while we are on the topic, pepper, what have you...   Oct 8 2008, 09:46 AM
girltrouble   i disagree, vixen. my question was about how thin...   Oct 8 2008, 10:17 AM
kittenb   I was trying to be offensive. I don't even t...   Oct 9 2008, 09:52 AM
pollystyrene   I'm going to break the "one you'll ne...   Oct 9 2008, 10:19 AM
bunnyb   Why whatever do you mean, polly? I dislocated my ...   Oct 9 2008, 10:24 AM
pollystyrene   LOL, bunny. Kitten, that was definitely a health...   Oct 9 2008, 10:26 AM
culturehandy   I read the last line in one of his posts, I just w...   Oct 9 2008, 11:32 AM
candycane_girl   Oh lordy, I don't know what else to say except...   Oct 9 2008, 11:47 AM
auralpoison   He's found his niche here. He's dug his t...   Oct 9 2008, 12:06 PM
gradgal   I agree with all of you ladies! I have been...   Oct 9 2008, 12:19 PM
thirtiesgirl   He's a 'savior guy,' and it's hard...   Oct 9 2008, 01:30 PM
auralpoison   I am salivating as I type this. He's gonna be...   Oct 9 2008, 05:05 PM
funk0039   I had no idea so many of you thought me destructiv...   Oct 9 2008, 05:12 PM
funk0039   If you all collectively believe me beyond salvage,...   Oct 9 2008, 05:14 PM
kittenb   You've heard our opinions. Leave.   Oct 9 2008, 05:17 PM
auralpoison   Again with the martyr schtick. Get off the cross,...   Oct 9 2008, 05:20 PM
gradgal   I think that you hit the nail on the head and poin...   Oct 9 2008, 05:39 PM
funk0039   I think that you hit the nail on the head and poin...   Oct 9 2008, 06:14 PM
auralpoison   Gradgal, *long slow clap* You hit the point right...   Oct 9 2008, 06:04 PM
hellotampon   Yeah, go eat a bag of dicks. :lol: I really hope...   Oct 9 2008, 07:22 PM
auralpoison   We don't think you're setting us up. We t...   Oct 9 2008, 06:49 PM
auralpoison   Make yourself a t shirt & you'll never for...   Oct 9 2008, 07:38 PM
girltrouble   wait.... did i miss a slow clap for a bag of dicks...   Oct 9 2008, 08:18 PM
thirtiesgirl   In connection with the bag of dicks theme, I'l...   Oct 9 2008, 08:29 PM
pollystyrene   In the Cameron Frye voice, auralpoison, you're...   Oct 9 2008, 10:22 PM
stargazer   I asked a female friend of mine a few minutes ago,...   Oct 9 2008, 10:34 PM
girltrouble   ok, i guess i can say it without reservation: my f...   Oct 10 2008, 12:12 AM
auralpoison   "When Cameron was in Egypt's land . . . l...   Oct 10 2008, 01:26 AM
bunnyb   There are women & men here that I'd get on...   Oct 10 2008, 04:42 AM
roseviolet   Funk, I think the others would agree that I'm ...   Oct 10 2008, 08:36 AM
funk0039   [font=Georgia]Funk, I think the others would agree...   Oct 10 2008, 04:20 PM
culturehandy   I don't try and defenf myself when someone of ...   Oct 10 2008, 09:34 AM
funk0039   dude, some of your posts come across as rude. We h...   Oct 10 2008, 04:08 PM
auralpoison   :wub: Count me as drunk on the love. Dude, if RV...   Oct 10 2008, 09:51 AM
mornington   Funk, that is *exactly* what rose is saying - that...   Oct 10 2008, 07:07 PM
pollystyrene   We don't care, don't have the time or desi...   Oct 10 2008, 07:25 PM
girltrouble   um, mornington, right now, i am so super jealous o...   Oct 10 2008, 07:27 PM
StarryStacey   Oh my gosh. I think I hacked the fuckers account. ...   Oct 10 2008, 11:04 PM
StarryStacey   Oh my gosh. I think I hacked the fuckers account. ...   Oct 10 2008, 11:24 PM
funk0039   I've been doing some thinking. First, I'd...   Oct 11 2008, 08:52 AM
ModSquad   Hold it right there! The ModSquad wants to le...   Oct 11 2008, 08:56 AM
culturehandy   yes starrystacey sent me a message informing me of...   Oct 11 2008, 08:59 AM
crinoline   slow clap for funk's amazing Miss Cleo imperso...   Oct 11 2008, 09:41 AM
culturehandy   Ahhhh there he goes again with the condescending t...   Oct 11 2008, 10:06 AM
faerietails   HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! okay, i had t...   Oct 11 2008, 10:24 AM
culturehandy   I wonder where he got his PhD from.   Oct 11 2008, 10:28 AM
roseviolet   Funk, I tried to help you earlier. I was willing t...   Oct 11 2008, 11:11 AM
girltrouble   pot meet kettle? i'm going to hazard a guess...   Oct 11 2008, 11:21 AM
thirtiesgirl   Oh, fuck off, funk and go the hell away. You...   Oct 11 2008, 11:39 AM
pollystyrene   Sorry, I'm too busy laughing my ass off at fun...   Oct 11 2008, 11:48 AM
kittenb   You know, I've never been a part of running so...   Oct 11 2008, 12:00 PM
hellotampon   I like how he was constantly inviting all his ...   Oct 11 2008, 12:16 PM
culturehandy   Bwaaahahahahaha Kitten. I shoulda come wif a pit...   Oct 11 2008, 02:33 PM
auralpoison   Oh. My. God. I really needed that. I did. I d...   Oct 12 2008, 08:39 AM
thirtiesgirl   Ok, mouse, continuing our argument from the Hallow...   Nov 2 2008, 03:19 AM
thirtiesgirl   i don't want to sound holier than thou and i r...   Nov 2 2008, 12:30 PM
sybarite   I may regret this, and I don't mean to be redu...   Nov 2 2008, 09:33 AM
mouse   thank you syb, that explains it nicely. thirties...   Nov 2 2008, 02:54 PM
roseviolet   the point is, i crossed a bridge, treated someone ...   Nov 2 2008, 03:27 PM
thirtiesgirl   I agree it sucks, what has happened with Latino fa...   Nov 2 2008, 04:33 PM
mouse   well i guess we'll have to agree to disagree.   Nov 2 2008, 05:32 PM
zoya   what I believe mouse did was make herself "hu...   Nov 2 2008, 08:10 PM
roseviolet   From the Sufferin' Suffragettes thread ... [q...   Nov 8 2008, 12:03 PM
girltrouble   i think this is the first time i've been in th...   Nov 8 2008, 01:16 PM
anarch   I admire your condemnation of the concept of ...   Nov 9 2008, 01:49 AM
culturehandy   Nohope your comments about Islam being gibberish a...   Nov 10 2008, 06:24 PM
girlygirlgag   NoHope is the worst kind fo troll..... He just say...   Nov 10 2008, 06:37 PM
culturehandy   GGG, you're right. I should no better, but thi...   Nov 10 2008, 07:36 PM
auralpoison   If it ain't black & white (Or Red.) politi...   Nov 10 2008, 07:49 PM
culturehandy   If no hope is really that miserable, why doesn...   Nov 10 2008, 08:27 PM
auralpoison   You pick a name like "NoHope", you know ...   Nov 10 2008, 09:10 PM
culturehandy   AP, I always love your posts. They give me a panty...   Nov 10 2008, 09:15 PM
auralpoison   This poppeded into my head: "No heroes, no l...   Nov 10 2008, 09:20 PM
culturehandy   Awww, AP :wub: I so want to be a part of the prol...   Nov 10 2008, 09:23 PM
auralpoison   I'm petite bougie as a motherfucker. Exploit ...   Nov 10 2008, 09:35 PM
culturehandy   Oh exploit me exploit me!   Nov 10 2008, 09:54 PM
girltrouble   in case you didn't know, ap, if you prefer all...   Nov 10 2008, 10:02 PM
auralpoison   Naw, there is something so effervescent about ...   Nov 10 2008, 10:08 PM
mouse   nohope--islam isn't any more a "sacred co...   Nov 10 2008, 10:16 PM
nohope   nohope--islam isn't any more a "sacred co...   Nov 11 2008, 01:52 PM
auralpoison   *A long slow clap for Mouse* I have a lot of rega...   Nov 10 2008, 11:09 PM
culturehandy   I also studied religion in University, I took a ve...   Nov 11 2008, 08:15 AM
nohope   So, NoHope, why don't you get a fcuking clue...   Nov 11 2008, 01:45 PM
girltrouble   in nohope's defense, he isn't a troll. he...   Nov 11 2008, 09:11 AM
nohope   i don't know where his recent anti-choice I a...   Nov 11 2008, 02:03 PM
pollystyrene   I think he's never been disrespectful until no...   Nov 11 2008, 09:22 AM
missladyj   I think nohope is a total douche . I don't kno...   Nov 11 2008, 10:00 AM
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