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> Mama Drama, all about parenting
julie124
post Jun 17 2011, 10:32 PM
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Oh my god, (((((Fookie, Mr. F and BabyF))))). What a horrible scare....my heart was breaking just reading about the situation. Thinking good thoughts that the rest of the process is without incident. Wow.

Before you worry that you need to roll out the number flash cards, I should tell you that until about 17 months, Henry wasn't really saying jack. He clearly understood things - he could sign things, and reacted when we would talk about certain things in a way that definitely communicated that he got what we were saying - but he pretty much said "Elmo" and "Mama" and that was about it most of the time. I've heard from other people that their kids had a similar experience: nothing nothing nothing, then all the sudden it's like word explosion. We have always done a ton of reading with him and lots of books with letters and numbers, and it's like suddenly it's all starting to come together. I about fell over the first time he said "eight" in context. He still floors me, because we've played with letters so much (his beloved LeapFrog fridge letters) and now he recognizes a few letters. "S" is his favorite because he likes to make snake hissing sounds.

Fookie, it actually sounds like BabyF might be a bit ahead of where Henry was at that age....he mostly relied on grunting (which he still does a lot...I say it's like living with a Neaderthal. Uh, uh, uh!). It probably helps that lately we ask him to say the word before we'll give him something (e.g. "If you want the banana, can you say "banana?") so he can't just fall back on the grunting and our telepathy to get by.

jenny, I totally understand the broody feeling. I'm not really in the market exactly, but I've definitely been thinking about wanting another one. Of course, it would be nice if I could completely wean this one - we're down to nighttime and first thing in the morning, but he's been super-into the nursing lately and I'm not exactly sure how we're going to call things to a close. My friend was telling me about a friend of hers who did it by going away for a long weekend sans kid, but I don't think that would be nice to Henry or to mr. julie. Part of me is almost thinking I might just wrap it up when I get pregnant again and the milk taste changes.
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nickclick
post Jun 14 2011, 01:01 PM
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what an ordeal and a scare. (((Fookie, Mr.F and baby F))) just think about how your family bond will be that much stronger after the adoption is final. my glass will be raised high on that day, as well.

Jenny, i hear you about loving every age! i already miss when Lillian was so tiny and snuggly, but i sooooo love her wiggles, noises and expressions now. and i can't wait until she's talking like Archie and Henry.

and we're also already thinking about when to plan the next. my cousin just had her 2nd and her 1st is full-on terrible two's. that scares me. but i'm almost 36 and waiting too long scares me a bit too.
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jenny_dreadful
post Jun 12 2011, 03:30 PM
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God, Fookie, just... wow. How insanely dreadful a time you've had, and I am amazed at how big hearted you are about BayF's birth father. I am delighted that the adoption is now nearly finalised after everything you and Mr F have been through, and I'm keeping everything crossed that there will be no further blind sides. I want to raise a glass to you all when the process is completed.

My Archie will be 18 months old in one week's time. He is saying 'gook!' for 'look' and pointing at everything, but mostly birds and planes. He also says 'eddeee?' for 'ready' just before he jumps off the sofa or tries to climb out of the bath, and walks around swaying back and forth singing 'row row row' to himself. I must get busy with numbers, I am very impressed to hear that Henry can say 'eight'!

Every new age Archie gets to I think is my favourite, I loved him so much at every age, but it just keeps getting better. I love watching his personality come out more and more.

We seem to be over the eating challenges now; Archie is eating three meals a day. He's still behind where he would be had he weaned more willingly, but we've been officially discharged from the community nutritionist, hurray!

My guilty secret is I'm feeling broody. I'm not in the market for another baby yet, although I hope we will have another one in a few years... but newborns are making my heart and my uterus ache, I just really look forward to being pregnant again.

Funny, so pleased to hear that AB is well and back at work.
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Fookie
post Jun 11 2011, 05:36 AM
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Wow ... can't believe Elliot is one and Henry is 18 months ... (and BabyF is 15 months!).

Julie, the fact that Henry recognized an 8 ... has me a bit freaked out. We haven't started doing anything that might help BabyF do the same in a mere three months smile.gif Baby F is still saying mostly B words and they all sound about the same (though he points at the book, boat, bottle, ball etc. when he says "bah"). In the past couple of month's he's started pointing at things he wants (food, swings, etc.) and then pointing at himself in a very excited (CUTE) way. Which we can take NO credit for at all. (I'm beginning to think we may be lazy parents). He has been "high fiving" for ever and can point to his "nariz" (nose in Spanish) ... neither of which is anything we taught him (friends kids, daycare provider ...).

After a harrowing and excruciatingly painful and devastating couple of months we are on final countdown to adoption finalization. On April 20th we met BabyF's birth father for the first time, for what was framed as an opportunity to start discussing "openness" ... except that within the first five minutes something "felt" off ... and sure enough he ended up announcing to us that he wanted his "boy" and that he had a lawyer who was telling him that he had a 90% chance of winning the case ... our worlds dropped out from under our feet. All I can remember is my entire head getting insanely HOT and staring at the floor as he delivered his LONG speech and generously offered to have us continue to be part of BabyF's life as his aunt and uncle or "no. even his godparents." The social worker who dropped by our house a little later to check in on us, told us that the birth father had "incredible rights" and that we should prepare ourselves for the worst.

We came home that night, not knowing how to survive, much less how to act "normal" around BabyF. We called our realtor, we found a psychologist specializing in grief and managed to get an appointment the following day. We found a lawyer who had the kind of background that we felt was perfect for our case.

At our visits to the psychologist we discussed transitioning BabyF to his birth father. We talked about how, for BabyF's sake, we had to find ways to make it seem like his birth father was a good friend, someone we had no reservations about, etc. etc. And what items of BabyF's we would be handing over with him, to ensure his new surroundings were not completely alien.

WE CRIED. We did not eat for days. We stayed home from work, but kept BabyF's routine and brought him to daycare anyway (at the beginning we also did not know how to get through days with him, so daycare was a way of escaping having to act like everything was ok, when it was the opposite). I woke up in the middle of nights having panic attacks (I have never had such an attack). I remember having no control over the sounds coming out of my mouth. They came from a deep place and scared me (and probably Mr. F too).

We emptied our savings account and BabyF's education savings to pay our lawyer's retainer and future bills. We cancelled booked (and non-refundable) vacations b/c we couldn't begin to imagine leaving BabyF and losing out on what could possibly our last days with him. My mother saved us from selling our house by offering to buy ours as an investment and letting us live in it the duration of a trial etc. I can't tell you how insanely horrifying it is to think that you could lose your child simply because you can't afford the quality lawyer that is your only hope of saving him. (It is not remotely lost on us that BabyF's birth father's chances also relied on his ability to come up with money, and that a support system would be essential ... two things he does not have.)

We entered two separate 30 day countdowns where BabyF's birth father would have to submit documents and intentions to the court ... The first 30 days went by and .... NOTHING ... A small flame of hope started burning in our hearts (something we both recognized as extremely dangerous b/c neither of us thought we could survive another blindside if BabyF's birth father came through at the last minute). The second 30 days ran out yesterday. Again, with no other contact from Baby F's birth father. Our social worker was able to have a meeting with BabyF's birth father, where he provided a lot of social history. It turns out there never was a hire lawyer, just well-meaning friends advising him. Social worker says birth father had emailed him to say that he has come to the conclusion that BAbyF is better off where he is, that he hopes we won't paint him as a bad guy, and that he will hope that BabyF will look for him when he turns 18.

We are obviously ecstatic that BabyF is staying with us. Over time we have processed birth father's actions as desperation born of grief. He did not grow up wtih remotely the kind of family and/or support that would allow him to parent well right now, and it is heartbreaking to us that despite his lack of support and family, he is nonetheless able to recognize this. We are healing. We are no longer terrified and we do not think he is a bad guy.

Once the adoption is finalized (possiby this summer, but more likely this fall) we will reach out to him again and attempt openness through email (he lives far away) and hope for more in the future.

BabyF is making noise I'd better go get him.

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julie124
post Jun 8 2011, 10:26 PM
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The minute the news came out about that sleep book, another mama friend had sent me a link to it...and it got liked like nobody's business when I posted an article about it on Facebook. A lot of sleepy parents out there.

Love love love hearing about the kiddos (and funny, great to hear that AB is doing well!). I have to say, each age gets more and more entertaining. (Occasionally maddening - Henry has been exercising his will a lot lately - but entertaining.) It is the coolest thing ever to watch them learn new things. Henry is 18 months and getting new words all the time. Yesterday he saw the tag from the dry cleaners that said we had 8 items together and said, "Eight!" He dances. He loves to color but also to put the crayons back in the box and take them out again. He uses his toy screwdriver to try to fix things all the time. He gives lots of hugs and hilarious open-mouth kisses (it is so funny how one gets used to your toddler trying to make out with you). He loves letters and books and Elmo. Oh, lord, for awhile he said "Elmo" more consistently than he said "Mama" or "Dada".

The gender thing is tricky. I have been purposely picking lots of library books with female heroines in them, because I want Henry to enjoy reading about girls and boys (and apparently there's some conventional wisdom that little girls will read books with boys as the main character, but the reverse isn't true, so hoping that's not true in our case) He has some stereotypical boy toys (e.g. his toolbench) but we try to give equal time to his baby doll and his stuffed animals and his love of pretending he is cooking (a kitchen is in our future, definitely). I admire what those parents are trying to do, but I wonder if that just calls more attention to the gender thing and gives it more power. I don't know the right answer, though....I think we just have to be conscious of what we're promoting by our actions and words, and I think that will make a lot more difference in the end.
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Joanneyy
post Jun 1 2011, 02:08 AM
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QUOTE(funnybird @ May 24 2011, 01:51 PM) *
Ooh, is that the book that's just been published and gone straight to #1 on the Amazon bestsellers list? I lingerie remember reading about it earlier in the week. Having just spent 70 minutes feeding the little guy to sleep, I can identify...

How's everyone doing? Michelina, how are you finding motherhood?

Babybird is now 6 months old. Can you believe it? He rolls over, he can pass toys from one hand to the other, and last week he got his first tooth. I'm still breastfeeding him, but we started introducing solids a few weeks ago. We're taking the baby-led approach; letting him feed himself with finger foods rather than purees. It's lots of fun watching him mash banana into his ear and poke carrot sticks up his nose before he finds his mouth.

Architect Boy is fully recovered and back at work full time now. My favourite part of the day is when he arrives home and seeing how happy he and the baby are to see each other again. So cute!


Just stopping by to say awesome and how cute that must be to see
the kids loving each other!
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nickclick
post May 25 2011, 08:58 AM
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oh so what do you think about this?

Parents keep child's gender secret

i think it's good in theory, but until children can understand what they're protesting, it could be harmful.
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nickclick
post May 25 2011, 08:52 AM
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happy halfaversary Babybird! and wonderful news about Architect Boy.

Lillian is 6 months too. she is a goofball supreme. she loves to hear her voice, so there's lots of cooing and babababa-ing and squealing and screaming around here. love it!
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funnybird
post May 24 2011, 01:51 PM
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Ooh, is that the book that's just been published and gone straight to #1 on the Amazon bestsellers list? I remember reading about it earlier in the week. Having just spent 70 minutes feeding the little guy to sleep, I can identify...

How's everyone doing? Michelina, how are you finding motherhood?

Babybird is now 6 months old. Can you believe it? He rolls over, he can pass toys from one hand to the other, and last week he got his first tooth. I'm still breastfeeding him, but we started introducing solids a few weeks ago. We're taking the baby-led approach; letting him feed himself with finger foods rather than purees. It's lots of fun watching him mash banana into his ear and poke carrot sticks up his nose before he finds his mouth.

Architect Boy is fully recovered and back at work full time now. My favourite part of the day is when he arrives home and seeing how happy he and the baby are to see each other again. So cute!



--------------------
What I'm thinking is delicate. If I breathe I might lose it...
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sukouyant
post May 20 2011, 12:17 PM
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I immediately thought of you guys when I saw this:

Go the F*** to Sleep

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.
The lambs have laid down with the sheep.
Youíre cozy and warm in your bed, my dear.
Please go the fuck to sleep.

The windows are dark in the town, child.
The whales huddle down in the deep.
Iíll read you one very last book if you swear
Youíll go the fuck to sleep.

The eagles who soar through the sky are at rest
And the creatures who crawl, run, and creep.
I know youíre not thirsty. Thatís bullshit. Stop lying.
Lie the fuck down, my darling, and sleep.

The wind whispers soft through the grass, hon.
The field mice, they make not a peep.
Itís been thirty-eight minutes already.
Jesus Christ, what the fuck? Go to sleep.

All the kids from day care are in dreamland.
The froggie has made his last leap.
Hell no, you canít go to the bathroom.
You know where you can go? The fuck to sleep.

The owls fly forth from the treetops.
Through the air, they soar and they sweep.
A hot crimson rage fills my heart, love.
For real, shut the fuck up and sleep.

The cubs and the lions are snoring,
Wrapped in a big snuggly heap.
How is it you can do all this other great shit
But you canít lie the fuck down and sleep?

The seeds slumber beneath the earth now
And the crops that the farmers will reap.
No more questions. This interviewís over.
Iíve got two words for you, kid: fucking sleep.

The tiger reclines in the simmering jungle.
The sparrow has silenced her cheep.
Fuck your stuffed bear, Iím not getting you shit.
Close your eyes. Cut the crap. Sleep.

The flowers doze low in the meadows
And high on the mountains so steep.
My life is a failure, Iím a shitty-ass parent.
Stop fucking with me, please, and sleep.

The giant pangolins of Madagascar are snoozing.
As I lie here and openly weep.
Sure, fine, whatever, Iíll bring you some milk.
Who the fuck cares? Youíre not gonna sleep.

This room is all I can remember.
The furniture crappy and cheap.
You win. You escape. You run down the hall.
As I nod the fuck off, and sleep.

Bleary and dazed I awaken
To find your eyes shut, so I keep
My fingers crossed tight as I tiptoe away
And pray that youíre fucking asleep.

Weíre finally watching our movie.
Popcornís in the microwave. Beep.
Oh shit. Goddamn it. Youíve gotta be kidding.
Come on, go the fuck back to sleep.
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Michelina
post May 12 2011, 10:24 AM
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Thanks, Nickclick. It's definitely on my list too!
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nickclick
post May 10 2011, 06:33 PM
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Happy belated Mother's Day to all!

that book is on my to-read list too.
Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Frontlines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture
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Michelina
post May 10 2011, 05:06 PM
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Happy Belated Mothers Day to all of the Bustie Moms! Hope your day was wonderful!

Someone had mentioned a book a little while ago about little girls and the princess obsession. I am intrigued now that I have a daughter. What was the name of that book? I could look through the thread, but I don't have much spare time anymore. :-)
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stargazer
post May 8 2011, 09:57 AM
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Just stopping by to wish all the Bustie mamas Happy Mother's Day!


--------------------
"I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car!"-Homer Simpson
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Fookie
post Mar 22 2011, 12:29 PM
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Ha ha ha. This made me laugh. I'm always mentally checkmarking "milestones" against those in books and those of my friends' kids. I don't even WANT to do this, it just happens. Gah! We truly look for ways to make ourselves crazy, don't we?

Crawling is not even technically a milestone since so many babies never "do" crawling. Baby Fookie didn't crawl until almost months and is ahead of the milestone game in every category. And if your neighbour's baby is old enough to be going to Browns, there's a good chance your neighbours have had ample time to forget when she actually crawled or to aggrandize her accomplishments. I swear I have to stop and do the math whenever someone asks me when Baby F started crawling etc. And he started crawling at the end of November ... I can't imagine remembering whether it was 8 months, 9 months, or 4.5 months some 17 years from now!

Thanks for all the well-wishes for Baby F. He is well on the way to kicking the nasty bug (though I woke up with laryngitis from all the coughing I did this weekend. Feeling a bit better now though.).

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nickclick
post Mar 22 2011, 08:01 AM
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hope baby fookie is feeling well..... happy birthday, nonetheless!

Lillian accepts the spoon of organic brown rice cereal mush, but does not swallow. she just keeps her mouth open with this - what the hell is in my mouth - face, and then dribbles it out. so we keep trying a few spoonfuls this week. next week we'll try some fruit. that's gotta be yummier. but i won't push it.

milestones making me a bit crazy, it's true! our neighbor told us that her daughter was crawling at 4 months (Lillian is 4 1/2 months and not crawling). and neighbor's daughter is going to Brown in september. oh no, is Lillian not going to get into an ivy league school??????????????????
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julie124
post Mar 14 2011, 10:32 PM
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about the eating thing....zelda, glad to hear that you are trying to relax and just let him do his thing. Henry hasn't had an issue with finger foods, but my older niece and my nephew both were slow on the solid food thing. (My brother jokes that his youngest is their only "normal" kid because she eats baby food like it's going out of style and she's the only one who crawled before walking.) What seems to have worked for my niece and nephew is exactly what you said you are trying to do - just offer him stuff and let him go at his own pace.

If you want to try some new stuff, you might just experiment with different chunky-ish foods. What he can handle will depend in part on how many teeth he has and how good he is with chewing and swallowing, but some things Henry has enjoyed include oatmeal (don't even need special "baby" oatmeal), the little puffs that HappyBaby makes (melt in the mouth), pieces of cut-up or mashed avocado, mashed/cut up banana, plain yogurt (Henry likes the Greek style yogurt especially), or pieces of really ripe pear.

You can talk me off the ledge during one of my occasional "omigod, is Henry going to have a language delay? Why isn't he talking" personal freakout sessions.

Get well soon Baby F! Poor little pookie....
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jenny_dreadful
post Mar 14 2011, 02:36 PM
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Speedy drive by from me. Archie is coming up on 15 months and eating has been fraught for us. He has only in the last month started accepting a spoon, he has been pretty much entirely milk fed his whole life up until this point. We've been seeing a nutritionist who while supportive hasn't really given us much advice beyond telling us to cut his milk down, which we have done. I just really really think he wasn't ready for solids before now. He never really put anything in his mouth until the last couple of months, other than rice cakes (which he has always been interested in but has gummed rather than eaten). He seems to be getting it now, but he prefers sweet tastes. I spent the weekend batch cooking various recipes, but so far he's shown no interest in the savoury flavours to compare with his sudden love of baby porridge.

Get well soon Baby F!
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zelda
post Mar 14 2011, 02:15 PM
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Poor little Baby Fookie...I hope he is doing better soon! Keep us updated.

Thanks for all this info, Fookie. You are so good to make his baby food. We're so lazy (and such poor chefs) that I order Earth's Best brand...it's organic, so I feel good about that, but all those jars are so wasteful, and I'm sure I could smash up some bananas if I tried. Maybe I will give one of your recipes a try!

Over the past few days, I've been observing Elliott's habits in terms of putting stuff in his mouth. He really doesn't do it often, but it's not like he NEVER does it. I'm going to try and stop worrying so much and just let him go at his own pace.

There is such pressure on kids today with regard to milestones. My mom was telling me the other day how she didn't speak a word until she was 2 years old. Nowadays it would be all about sending you to a specialist, but back then my grandmother just figured she would speak when she was ready, and she did!
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Fookie
post Mar 13 2011, 12:07 PM
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Hey Zelda,

I'm not sure I have much to offer, but I'll share a couple of recipes with you that got BabyFookie eating chunkier foods.
(Our naturopath asked us not to feed rice cereal to him ... preferred barley then oatmeal ... i think because rice has a high glycemic index, it was easy for us b/c all the "flavours" are readily available near us, but i wouldn't have been overly worried to feed him any since people have been feeding babies rice cereal forever with no issues).

BabyFookie's first finger foods were gluten free (Nature's Path) cereal O's. He had to gum/crunch them. I don't make all his baby food, but I make probably about half of what he eats. At first it was all purees, and then I just started pureeing them less. His three favourites:

Peas, Edemame, Apple (about equal parts and add water/juice to thin to desired texture)

Red Pepper, Corn, Sweet Potato (steam them all. i add a bit of maple syrup to this one. and again i just eyeball the quantities. about equal parts.

Banana, Avocado, Bluberries (this one you could actually mash rather than blend to get a more textured version -- this is DELICIOUS btw. One cup blueberries, one large banana or two small bananas, and two avocados --- crazy good for baby's skin as well).

(these three are in order of most textured to least textured. BabyFookie's favourites are the 2nd and third. The first was an acquired taste).

Hope this helps.

We've just transitioned from formula to goat's milk. My biggest concern is that the formula packed a TONNE of calories compared to milk. I'm worried about making sure his calorie intake isn't plumetting now that he's not getting formula anymore.

BabyFookie's birthday was Friday. Today was SUPPOSED to be his birthday party but we just got back from the hospital ... poor thing has bronchiolitis (infection in his bronchioles). So no party for him sad.gif He's on antibiotics and we'll be begin administering puffers once he gets up from his nap.

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