[yumyum]

zelda- thank you for all of the ttc lengths! I only know one couple who took longer (7-9 months, I'm not sure exactly). Everyone else either says it happened right away or they weren't even trying. Nonsense I say! The stats also make me feel a bit better. I'm 30 so it makes me feel better to hear that the average ttc is 7-10 months. I think we are still planning on going to the OB/GYN if it doesn't happen after this cycle. I think for our particular situation, a SA at this stage would be justified and I think I would like to have my thyroid checked. Ok, I feel myself pulling it together. Thank you!!!

[zelda]

I wish I could figure out how long Mr. Z and I have technically been "trying." We been having sex without birth control for 7 months. The first month, we had sex once during what I think was my fertile window, but I can't be sure. We were back from an overseas trip and everything was wonky. So I don't count that.

The second month we really "tried" we started having sex on CD 14, and I got my period on CD 27. Looking back with my knowledge now, I can see I most likely ovulated on CD 12 or 13, so we missed that window.

The following five months we have been on target (I know) because I've either temped or used OPKs.

So I like to say we've been trying for about 6 months...even though I feel we only definitely got our timing right 5 times so far.

[yumyum]

Cristine- we've been trying (officially, with charting) for 5 cycles- this month will be our 6th month. There were a few months last year that we didn't try not to get pregnant, know what I mean? But then we stopped because I changed jobs. Thanks for telling me about your friend- it helps to hear about others' experiences. Have you tried charting? I found it really interesting when I first started- it can tell you a lot about your cycle. I second zelda's recomendation of Taking Charge of Your Fertility- I checked out a copy from the library and renewed it several times- it's that informative!

[zelda]

yumyum, I have one friend who it took 6 months, one friend it took 7 months, another friend of a friend who took 9 months...then there's my aunt who took a year. Also, a coworker of mine who was 25 and it took a year exactly. Her doctor told her this is still very normal, and he had many patients who took up to a year if not a little more.

My BFF took a year (she was 38).

Michelina has quoted a book here that says for women in their 30s, 7 to 10 months is average (meaning, some a little less, others a little more). What To Expect says the average 25 year old takes 6 months...again, some 25 year olds take more others less.

Bottom line...a LOT of people take more than 6 months, especially if they're over 30. I hope this helps. I know it helps me to think about this.

My GYN said the great majority of couples will be pregnant after 18 months of TTC naturally. I know that seems like an awfully long time, but overall the odds are in your favor.

I know how you feel about thinking everyone else is PG. I've had that happen, too. My husband's best friend and his wife "weren't even trying" and she got pregnant less than a year after they were married. I was so jealous, I cried the night I heard that news.

It *is* so hard...but the only thing you have to keep reminding yourself of is the odds are in your favor and there have been some amazing advances in modern medicine that can also help.

Cristina, hope you like TCOYFertility. It's an awesome book...since you haven't been on BC, are you saying your cycles have been pretty normal up until recently, or were they always a little wonky?

[Cristine]

I have one friend that tried for 6 months and was concerned. Funny because at the time I wasn't TTC so I just kept telling her to be patient, now I'm bugging her on month 2! Anyway, she got pregnant naturally and has a beautiful baby girl! Sorry, I don't have recollection of anyone who took longer... only 3 of my friends have babies so far and 1 of those was by IVF after 1 year. How long have you been trying?

[yumyum]

So my plan to increase my positive thinking hasn't gotten off of the ground yet. I've been pretty blue over the last 24 hours. Yesterday I found out a couple that we know is pregnant- she is almost through the first trimester. I knew they were trying and they know we're trying (my husband let the cat out of the bag- argh). I am so fucking bummed out and I also feel guilty about being bummed for myself instead of being happy for them. This really sucks. We does it seem like everyone else gets pregnant so quickly? I don't get it. Does anyone have any anecdotes about couples that took a little longer to conceive? I know what the literature says but it doesn't seem possible from the stories that I'm hearing. I hate having to worry about this bullshit- I hate TTC!!! Thanks for allowing me my moment.

[Cristine]

Oh and in answer to your question Zelda, no I was not on birth control.

[Cristine]

Thanks... I've heard you guys mention that book, I think it's probably time to look into it. I just wish I would start already because my body is confusing the hell out of me right now!

And yes, as an American I'm quite jealous of those countries that get so much from their government! The insurance through my employer sucks to say the least!

[zelda]

Oh, and PS...can I, an American, say how totally jealous I am of all Australian, British, and Canadian BUSTies with your government health care and support? Argh! It is OUTRAGEOUS how the health care system works in this country. Very depressing.

Datagirl, keep us updated. You sound like you are really on top of things. Let us know how it goes with your mom!

[zelda]

Woah! Board explosion! I love all the new members and am glad you're here.

Michelina, thanks for the info on the pot smoking. I try to make myself feel better in that Mr. Z is not a big drinker or cigarette smoker and he's within a healthy weight and has a decent diet. So perhaps the pot being his only vice will be balanced out with everything else. We'll see after he gets a SA. I hope to convince him to go while I'm gone.

Cristine, welcome. Have you heard of the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility"? It's super helpful in terms of explaining cycle length and ovulation. Are you coming off hormonal birth control? This could affect your cycle for a bit until it all gets worked out.

Ananke, what is up with your blocked duct? What can they do for it?

As for me, I am on CD 7, so still pretty far from ovulation time. I went and got some new OPK strips, the Answer brand. They're cheap, and even though they don't give you the fucking smiley face like Clearblue Digital, I like how they show the build up of the LH, so you know you're getting close. I'm going to start using them this weekend.

Michelina, how's the move going? All done?

[Cristine]

Hi everyone! I’ve been following this blog for so many months that I feel like I know all of you! This is the only blog I like, I hate all the other ones I’ve been to! My husband (32) & I (31) have been trying to get pregnant for 2 months… I know, I know, that’s not that long! But just like Zelda & Michelina have said, I really believed that a penis walking into the room was all it took! This process is quite different than what I imagined it would be and I’m just afraid of how many months of frustration & disappointment might be ahead of me.

My first month I really didn’t know my cycle or the process, our method was just having sex around the time that I believed I was ovulating… I even tested at day 21 of my cycle! Now thinking back I believe my cycle is 30 days, not exactly like clockwork but maybe 29 or 31 days so definitely in that range. Well, in my first month of trying, my cycle was 33 days! That is just not too likely for me! Now I’m in month 2 and I’m 38 days into my cycle!!! Still negative pregnancy tests and no period! This is just crazy and I don’t know what could possibly be affecting my cycle so dramatically. Next month I’m going to try the OPK & see how that works for me, but I just really felt like I always knew when I was ovulating. So of course that freaks me out and I start to question our fertility! First Response has fertility tests that I keep talking myself out of buying since it’s only been 2 months, but if the OPK doesn’t work I’m definitely going to want to buy the fertility test.

Anyway, you ladies are so great & genuinely supportive… and REAL! For those of you who are also TTC, I really wish you all the best!!

[Michelina]

Datagirl, so glad you found some good support. I hope that telling your mom goes better than expected.

Anake, I hope you don't have a blocked duct! That sounds painful. Being a mommy definitely sounds like a lot of work! I think I sometimes forget that parenting isn't all about watching a child grow and develop. You really get your hands wet... literally! :-)

Zelda, all my GP really said is that pot can "affect things" and that being off of it for a month is good enough for an accurate analysis. Fingers crossed.

[ananke]

That's good with the govt payment datagirl, and there's the baby bonus as well. That's great that the support line was supportive and practical. Damn little johnnie and his shit, but at least there are support lines there.

Today I got pooped on (she was on the fucking changetable and STILL got me with the rocketpoop) AND she puked all over the couch and herself. I'd just made breakfast and decided to change her before I ate (stupid idea I know) and she pooped everywhere. Once I'd done minimal cleanup and bathed her and clothed her breakfast was cold. So I put her down on the couch and reheated my porridge and made a new cup of tea and came back to puke puddle with a rather bemused and unhappy baby in the middle of it. So she got a second bath AFTER I ate. In the middle of that the guy came to look at the insulation.

Also, if anyone is interested, I finally transcribed my pregnancy journal and I've put it up at http://geekanachronism.wordpress.com/ - i'm trying to do a photo a day as well.

As far as baby costs, pregnancy is pretty pricey even with medicare (unless you've got a healthcare card?). Babies? It's mostly the care aspect, the not working bit. The ongoign costs (nappies/water bills/clothes) are easy enough to be frugal with.

Now I must go, boobs are full and hurty. I'm scared I'm getting a blocked duct.

[datagirl]

I love this forum. Thank you to all Busties that replied.Fookie,Tommynomad,fellow aussie Ananke (hey there girl!),Zelda,Michelina. ThankYOU!!

TOmmynomad, Thanks for giving me reassurance. I really don't know if I can go this alone as I've never done this before and haven't any real experience with babies.I just feel that this is the right time for me.I just know that when the moment of truth arises I'd be stepin up to the plate.But yeah I do feel that I have my shit together.tentatively.But there's no other way to be I guess.

Ananke,I found out that with family assistance and the Tax part B that i could get something like $960 a fortnight? I only did a quick assessment online though so am not sure if this is correct or if I'd even be elligable for the tax benefit.Still if this is the amount that I'd be getting (hypothetically speaking) I could live on this.But have no idea how much babies cost.I live very frugally now though.

Yesterday I called a 24 hour pregnancy support line and spoke to a very wise older woman.Which was just what I needed.
The support line was non religious which was also very important to me.Here in Australia when John Howard was prime minister he gave something like $3 million dollars to so called 'pregnancy support lines'. These lines were anti abortion and religiously biased.Just another example of a conservative government.But it seems that since Labour PM Kevin Rudd got in that these lines are still operating.Perhaps many politcal parties are just as conservative as each other.(end rant! LOL)

So anyway.The woman advised me to stop thinking of the father so much and expecting him to change.She advised that I'm to think more about myself and not to be so swayed by the actions of others.She said it was pointless to expect him to do anything and to start finding out how much financial support I can get from the government.
She was a no nonsense sort of woman.Strong and there for me.I felt alot better when I got off the phone.I can call the suport line anytime and talk to women who know a shit load about pregnancy. So I've saved it to my phone. The advice was similar and reassuring to what you guys have advised me.But it was just nice to talk to someone on the phone.
I'm still afraid to tell my family especially my mum.I'm afraid she won't be supportive and it would never cross her mind that I can do this by myself.And her attitude will upset me.But I have been wrong before.

But on a lighter note..Does being pregnant give you guys really vivid dreams? Like really colourful go on and on and on dreams that wake you up feeling wonderful? I had a house boat,aquarium,musical jam dream.I have good dream taste too as the boat was decorated like a 70's cruise liner!! Lotsa green and orange and shag carpeting,wallpaper and fish that had parrot faces.Not to mention horny dreams too!.No wonder I'm going to bed at 10:30 everynight and sleeping like a log!

[Fookie]

Datagirl, welcome and congrats on the pregnancy. You sound like someone who will make the right decision for herself regardless of what the man in/or out of her life has to do with anything. Best wishes to you and stand strong in your convictions and your decisions. Do what's right for you and everything else will fall into place.

Thanks again to everyone who has said such lovely and supportive things to me in my most recent failed attempt. I am having my ups and downs but am doing ok overall. Mr. F. is being his amazing self. He is so convinced that we will end up pregnant on our own anyway, that he's very nonplused about my decision to take a break from the invasive aspects of our TTC journey. If only I was that optimistic ... then again, I fear for him that the optimism may make him less willing to consider actually taking steps toward adoption until we're 50! For now I'm going to try not to worry and at least enjoy the rest of the summer.

Michelina, I'm glad the doctor's appointment went so well and that you have a 'next step.' Mr. Fookie partakes in the odd doobie (why does that word always make me laugh?) but our doctors were more concerned with the fact that he was drinking 2-3 drinks/day. He cut everything down as soon as he heard their concern. With the alcohol the concern was more about toxic load and the fact that the 2-3 drinks per day average was only b/c he didn't drink more than one most weekdays. They definitely prefered that they be evenly spread out rather than piled into the weekend.

Zelda, I think your plan about letting Mr. Z. take care of business while you're away is a good one.

I will now go enjoy a second glass of wine and a bath. Not being pregnant does have some advantages

Take care everyone.

[tommynomad]

datagirl, your post is the only thing I kow about you, but to me you sound like someone who could totally have a baby on her own: you clearly have your shit together more than most people. And forgive me for saying so, but your ex sounds like a piss-poor father to be: the child is likely better off with you doing the rearing yourself.

My sister (a BUSTie if there ever was one) is 37 and was ready to have her baby alone until her guy came crying back. Still she's aware that he's unreliable and is prepared for a sola act if need be. She just tipped us off to two incredible vids: The Business of Being Born and Orgasmic Childbirth.

Shenomad and I have decided to start trying (this is the first place I'm saying so--eek!). She's on folate and we're both ramping up our fitness to include daily 5-7km power walks, pilates, and kegels. We watched the first vid and were really relieved to find so many people felt about hospital births the way we did. The trailer for the second one made our eyes pop out.

I'm soooooo excited, I just hope 40 years of industrial disease hasn't left me with insufficient swimmers!

Sending out conceptive vibes to all those who are trying!

[ananke]

Look at the support the gov.t gives you now datagirl - it's so so so complicated. So complicated. It's insane. i'm trying to get one of the forms filled out and it's just fucking stupid. Centrelink are total dicks. But you don't really need to worry about healthcare (as such) (yet...) and you can make it on govt benefits only.

The kicker is your ex. You cannot make him do anything or be anything other than what he wills. And if he cannot see how pushing for an abortion can hurt a woman, he's a total dick. Unconcious or not. Anguish isn't just deliberate - he can cause a shit ton of hurt just by being an immature arsehole. You can do this alone and you can't bank on him changing. Hope is fine but you really need to look at it and see how you would be doing things with him not in the picture. Or only dropping in when he wants and how he wants regardless of the help you may need.

It's worth it, and I've known a lot of single mothers. But I don't know many who were single from the start - the start is hard and you really do need support, both emotional and practical physical support. Actually, I think you could do it without but the difference it would make is huge.



eyelet! So glad to hear feeding is getting better. And I'm glad your partner has spoken up about it. I know what he means about the tiny and fragile - I sometimes see myself dropping her, or misjudging where doors are and the idea of hurting her, even accidentally, hurts so bad.

[zelda]

Hey Michelina, so glad you went to the doctor and that you liked her. I'm sure it feels good to have a plan. What were her concerns regarding your luteal phase? Did she offer possible solutions? (I'm sure they exist.)

What did she say about the pot-smoking and its affect on sperm? I'd be curious to hear about that, too.

I wish I had the time to write to everyone right now...I'm still sort of down this week. I took this month *hard* as you can probably tell...Fookie, I am thinking of you and am glad my words have been some sort of comfort for you. I wish I could comfort myself sometimes! Eyelet and Datagirl, I second what Michelina said...Datagirl, I hope you find some support here!

I've decided to broach Mr. Z with the idea of doing it every single day next week (my fertile window) or at least aiming for it in an effort to really hit the mark. I'll be going out of town to visit family soon after that, and he'll have the place to himself for a week or so...I'm going to suggest to him that it might be a good time to get the SA done without me hovering around freaking out. I waver between thinking we can wait and then wanting to do it. I wish I could make up my mind.

I've got a new freelance writing project I'm excited about, and I've already started planning for next school year (two activities I enjoy), so it's been slightly distracting. Next week will be stressful again as we try to do it, but...argh. I just want to be pregnant already.

More later...Michelina, let me know what your doc said about the pot smoking. I'm glad she said it would be okay in a month...I thought it might take longer to get it out of your system.

[Michelina]

Eyelet, I'm glad to hear that you and Mr. E had a very open discussion. It seems you have reached a resolution with yourself not to make any decisions immediately. Very wise. Glad to hear that breastfeeding is improving too.

Datagirl, it sounds like a tough spot to be in, but it sounds like you are being positive, realistic, and true to yourself.

I went to the doctor today. She ordered a sperm analysis on Mr. M. She said that she can't refer me to a gyno until the sperm analysis is done. She was concerned about my luteal phase and feels that a specialist is best to judge whether it is a problem or not. She is a fantastic doctor. I am so glad Mr M came and was open with her. He told her he is reluctant to have the sperm analysis now as he only quit smoking pot. She said that within a month it should be just fine. We'll try again this cycle, and if no pregnancy results, he'll have the analysis. I feel a huge sense of relief today just knowing that something is getting done.

[datagirl]

I knew I'd get fantastic advice here on Bust!!

Lapis thank you for putting things into perspective.
I do handle stress quite well.Although I've really only handled work stress.
Financially I will need governmental help.Here in Australia it's quite good.And the father isn't a spiteful bastard just clueless, so I'm sure that he'd help me financially.He's always wanting to help his friends, he's just not ready to be a father...yet.I call him an unconcious asshole.He really doesn't realise how much he's hurting me.I'm amazed at how stunted emotionally he is though.Yet he's very intelligent.He's a librarian with about 2 or 3 degrees in engilsh,history music and librarian studies.

I haven't as yet told any of my family but am in two minds in telling his sister who is alot older than him and who he's quite close to.I met her while we were on holiday in Tasmania and got on very well with her.I'd like her to talk about this with him but whether or not she'd be supportive I don't know.
He hasn't told anyone that I'm pregnant and I really wish that he would instead of breaking my balls with his wingeing and crying and general emotional weakness.
My two very good guy friends have come to visit me since my ex went AWOL sinply talking with me and being supportive but warning me how hard it will be going it alone.I have many friends with kids who are wonderful women.I'm just not used to reaching out to them.But I'll have to learn quick smart how to ask for help.

Julie124 thankyou for also responding so wisely.And I can imagine having him as my baby's father becuase I know that he won't cause me or the baby any anguish.He's not abusive, doesn't drink or smoke or take drugs (infact he's very into herbs which is probably Korean Jinsengs fault that I'm pregnant LOL!!) so I feel positive that if I'm willing to change and take things slow then maybe he will. I live in hope that this will all blow over and he'll just get over himself.
I'm staying positve if somewhat delusional. It's a very hard time in my life and I just wish with every ounce of my being that he could be different and not so grossly selfish. It only takes him to change and come on board.I mean he's not 20 he's 39 years old.The only reason I would feel to terminate would be because of him.And that's not a good enough reason for me.