[nickclick]

thanks again all. i was feeling extra hormonal yesterday and depressed, staring at my zit face and bad hair so i broke out the henna. i haven't used that since like college 12 years ago and it was a mess. anyway it looks ok but i feel less hormonal this morning and don't care as much. i'm going to start calling the zits my happy baby blobs.

funny, any pix of the booties you are knitting/knitted?

yes, Michelina, how's it going????

aphelendra, sorry to hear about the arthritis. my SIL just turned 30 and was diagnosed with it in her late teens. she has meds for flares but i dunno if she has tried the chiro. hope it helps for you.

[funnybird]

Nickclick, I’m afraid I have no idea on that one. One to ask the doctor, I think. When you find out, let me know ‘cause I don’t think I could endure nine months of mousy roots!

Cristine - my cycle buddy – how are you doing? I don’t have any hope for myself this month - I’m just going through the motions for this cycle and the next until we hit our one-year of infertility so I can go and see the doctor. But I have hope for you! Anything to report yet?

Michelina, are you okay? Please check in and let us know. I’m still thinking of you.

[zelda]

Nickclick, to play it safe, I would hold off on hair dye until the second trimester. It is probably okay, but why risk it. Now that is just me...and I am especially neurotic, I'll admit. But I figure if it's not absolutely necessary, I personally would not feel comfortable with it.

The bottom line, however, is that each woman has to decide for herself what she feels comfortable with during pregnancy. I took Ambien about 3 or 4 times during my first trimester and I even had to take Klonopin for two days when I was in the ER at 5 weeks with a massive panic attack (the fun fun times of the first trimester with hormone fluctuations that left me absolutely batty). I don't regret it - I know I needed it...but ultimately I think if your first trimester you can get by without anything, I would. It is the most critical period of development.

Just my thoughts... :-) I bet your hair looks adorable as is anyway!

[aphelendra]

hey Nick -

Mayo clinic says hair dye is "probably safe" during pregnancy, but there is very limited research on the topic. There was a study in 2005 linking hair dye to neuroblastomas (a type of brain tumor in children) but no study has since reached the same conclusion. (Can ya tell I just googled this? ha. Have to admit, was curious myself.)

It does advise limiting scalp exposure, which probably wouldn't be too easy if you're trying to do root touch ups. They also recommend that it may be slightly less risky (if it's risky to begin with) in the second trimester. Which, If I think back to my first tri, probably feels a billion years away . . . .

I think I read in one of my pregnancy books that Henna is considered safe if it is indeed pure Henna.

On the other hand, I love a lady with a full head of salt and pepper hair. My paternal aunt was completely gray by 30, and I have to admit, I have always kind of hoped this would happen to me.

I seem to already be sprouting quite a few of 'em.

On another note . . . . Saw my chiropractor today because my arthritic hip is acting up.

Yes, that's right. Arthritic. And yes, 23 years old.

WHO GETS ARTHRITIS AT THIS AGE !?!?!?!?!

sigh. I'm off now to drown my sorrows in a turkey sandwich.

Hope everyone is well. . . .especially Ms. Michelina . . . . I hope you are feeling better . . . .

[nickclick]

I am getting rather ahead of myself worrying about baby names!

no way! that's one of the first topics discussed by mr.nick and me. and decorating the nursery. this is the fun stuff!

speaking of other important topics...... can i dye my hair pleeeeeeeeeese? i'm gonna scare this baby out with my broom hilda grey roots! i bought henna and no ammonia Natural Instincts, but have been too afraid to use either.

[funnybird]

Jenny! *Waves across London & cyberspace at Jenny* How the devil are you and little Archie?

Michelina, Wow - that's thoughtless of your SIL! Although from the sound of it, your brother might have had some stern words to say to her after he'd spoken to you, so she may well be feeling contrite by now. As for the not-wanting-to-go-to-Calgary thing, is that because you were planning to stay with your family or because you would feel obliged to socialise with them? Because if it's the latter, I wouldn't let that put you off - with everything going on during the treatment you'll have a pretty good excuse for not wanting to hang out. Thinking back to how excited you seemed a few days ago I just don't want something like this to knock you off course. What are your alternative options?

I've spent the day knitting baby shoes for my new nephew. And being (still) annoyed about my friend pinching my favourite girl's name. It's not just a great name, it's also the name of my favourite Tom Waits song and AB and I love Tom Waits. I'm wondering if she might be joking, as it also sounds extremely like the name she already given her son - so much so it would be comical to refer to them both by name in the same sentence. Hmm. I guess I'll find out soon.
I am getting rather ahead of myself worrying about baby names!

[nickclick]

thank you thank you thank you all. zelda, i will keep you advice about ob/gyns in mind and even though all seems normal, i'll probably have her on speed dial soon....

michelina, you are smart to take a step (or two) back from SIL and her self-absorbed pregnancy. jenny is also smart and right to suggest you be kind to yourself. you don't need the stress of dealing with insensitive people. enjoy your meeting and let us know how it goes.

speaking of moms, mine is just bursting to tell everyone. and i think she's more emotional than i am, crying at telling me every dream she has and every story about my childhood or hers. oh and at the mere mention of midwifery or even breast feeding, she's like - oh stop it with all that. i had to tell her that there have been advances in scientific study since the 34 years ago when she had one baby. i have a strong feeling there will be many more opportunities thru this pregnancy and grandchild-rearing for her to start sentences with the phrase - i'm not telling you what to do, but.....

[jenny_dreadful]

Nickclick, I had a little bit of pink when I wiped in the first few weeks of pregnancy (the terrible scrutinising of toilet paper comes back in late pregnancy when you're waiting for your show!) and I am sat here typing with my baby monitor next to me looking at my 10 week old baby sleeping peacefully in his crib. The first few weeks I was pregnant I felt like my period was about to start and incessantly googled pregnancy symptoms to reassure myself that what I was feeling was actually normal in pregnancy. I actually had some bleeding in late pregnancy which, while it sent me into a tailspin, I was told was one of those things. A friend of mine had something similar in early pregnancy, had an early ultrasound, and all was well. Congratulations on your pregnancy, I wish you all the best for the months ahead.

Michelina, I am so so sorry to hear your news and I wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. It's really unfortunate that your SiL wasn't more thoughtful in how she told you about the pregnancy and I really understand how this news would have hit you so hard. It sounds like a great idea to talk to someone who has been through IVF and get that support, and you must be very kind to yourself at the moment. What you are going through is so rough and you mustn't worry about not coping. Being upset isn't not coping and you have every right to be upset. ((((((((((michelina))))))))

[Michelina]

Just a quick post to thank all of you Busties for the support. This news has really affected me. Mr M and I are rethinking our decision to do IVF in Calgary now. I think the stress of seeing my SIL very pregnant would be hard to handle. It would also be hard to not "rain on their parade." We are looking at our options. I am not happy about how my SIL told me their news. Firstly, why did it have to be on my work email right in the middle of my work day. She knows that we were trying to conceive and that I was very down about it. Secondly, she didn't even tell my bro that she was telling me, nor did she tell him after. He was shocked when I called and congratulated him today. He was quite angry with her, and I cannot blame him. She was out of line. He wanted to tell me himself in his own time. I think that my SIL is so excited and absorbed in her pregnancy that she could not possibly be a good support for me. I am going to take a step back.

I contacted someone today who went through IVF and we will be getting together soon. I think she will be a great support for me.

Zelda, thank you so much for your offer! That is so sweet of you. I did manage to connect with a psychologist who specializes in infertility today so I think I am all set. I just have to make an appointment now. I appreciate all of your support a great deal.

Lauren, so sorry that this wasn't your month. I was really hoping for you. But hopefully it is right around the corner.

Aphelendra, Funnybird, and Cristine - thanks for understanding and for your kind words.

Nickclick, it sounds like what you're describing is very normal. I am sending lots of positive energy to you for a healthy pregnancy. I imagine time is dragging right now!!!

[aphelendra]

Zelda - I am glad I'm here too! This is truly the best forum I've ever run across

And I get the mom stuff too. We're living in my parents building, beneath them, financially that's what is enabling us to have this baby right now. There's only a staircase and two doors between me and lots of meddling unsupportiveness (although to be fair there has been support too).

My relationship with my mom is uh . . . . er . . . . hmmmm . . . . strained at times. Parenting with her so close by is going to be an exercise in . . . .something . . . .

On the upside, I never run out of toilet paper and I can raid their fridge anytime I like. They have all the good cheese.

Funny how a good therapist makes life run so much more smoothly . . . .

Nick - I never had spotting, but I did have lots of "growing pains" early in my first trimester. Some pretty intense stuff.

And lemme tell ya, constipation on its own can be oh so painful. (Lots of us endo ladies have digestive issues. You know, because our insides don't hurt enough already.) It's pretty gross stuff, but I found the occasional frosty glass of Metamucil to be quite helpful. But tread carefully if you are having the queasies. The texture is ooky at best . . . .

Went to the dermatologist today to check on a new mole . . . . everything all good. Got conned into buying a thirty dollar bottle of face wash to deal with my fun pregnancy acne. Guess what glycolic acid feels like on your face? You guessed it ladies, it burns like fuck.

Oh, and now I pee a little every time I sneeze. Fan-freaking-tastic.

Sigh.

Hope everyone is well. Good lucks and good vibes to the TTC ladies . . . .

[zelda]

Nickclick...forgot to say to you...early spotting is very normal. I myself didn't have it, but it seems like of all the pregnant women I know, I am in the minority! As long as the flow doesn't increase along with cramping, it is probably okay. I wouldn't hesitate to contact the doc at ANY time....remember they are there for you. As someone once told me...if OB/GYNs didn't want to talk to nervous women, they would have become dermatologists...

[zelda]

Lauren, I'm so sorry this wasn't your month...you are still in the early stages of TTC, but that doesn't mean that every month doesn't feel lousy when it doesn't happen. I'm glad at least you have your period and it's almost certainly not a cyst or anything like that...as awful as I felt about getting my period when I was TTC, after 3 or 4 days, I would start to become hopeful about trying again...I hope you start feeling hopeful again soon...hang in there.

Michelina, I am SO SO sorry...damn, this journey has not been fair to you. I agree that you don't HAVE to call right now. I am not sure if your SIL knows about your fertility journey, but if she does and has an ounce of humanity, she won't expect a call nor will she be offended if she doesn't get one.

When I was about 15 weeks pregnant, my husband's best friend and his wife came to town to visit, and we had dinner. The wife (who I have come to know fairly well) E-mailed me ahead of the visit to tell me she was pleased for me but she couldn't help but be jealous...turns out they had been TTC for three years with no luck. (They are now in the process of adoption.) At any rate, I appreciated her candor and her frankness, and God knows I was so glad to know because we hardly talked about the baby at all during dinner...I think if your SIL is at all understanding, she will totally get if you just don't want to talk about or hear about this pregnancy.

As for the IVF...screw what anyone else thinks including your coworkers. You and Mr. M are the ONLY ones who can make these decisions for yourselves. If it helps, I think you are making great decisions, and this whole community supports your choices.

By the way, have you considered talking to someone? My therapist actually specializes in infertility and working with infertile couples and has published and spoken on the topic...I wouldn't be surprised if she had the names of good counselors in Canada (can't remember what province you are in, but you can let me know)...anyway, let me know, and I could speak to her about references or any ideas she might have for you...books, support groups, etc.

Always, always thinking of you and hoping for every good thing.

Funny, thinking of you, too! Yes, Americans do say keep your chin up! As for your new mama SIL, you are entitled to every feeling...I don't know if this helps or not...it may be cold comfort...but I can say six months into the pregnancy I often enjoy having conversations that are NOT about being pregnant...it seems that is all anyone wants to talk to me about...and as thrilled and truly grateful I am about being pregnant, I know I look forward to conversations where there are other topics at hand. I have heard from many new moms that sometimes they want to talk about things other than the baby! I just know your SIL feels the same way...she doesn't need you to talk about the baby all the time...she just wants you to be you. Don't know if that makes any sense....

Aphelendra and Christine...hello to you, ladies! I am so glad you are on this thread.

Had this crazy fight with my extremely passive aggressive mom this week...she is jealous my Mother in law will be helping take care of the baby...she made all these nasty remarks that made me feel like she was undermining my ability to parent. I love my mom but she is a damaged person in some ways, and I am so grateful for my therapist who is really helping me work through some of this. At any rate, having Ponyo is really bringing out a lot of this stuff to the forefront again...ah, life changes!!!

XOXOXO to all and more later...

[Cristine]

Michelina, I know exactly how you must be feeling right now. It is so hard to be excited for others when, like funny said, it should have been us! And I agree with not making a phone call if you don't have to, this is hard enough as it is! And I really hope this doesn't put a damper on your excitement about IVF. As you might remember, a super fertile friend of mine is pregnant with her 3rd while still breastfeeding her 2nd! She wasn't even excited to find out and was in denial about it for the first few weeks. It's been very hard ro be excited for someone like that!

Nick. my friend that I described above had spotting start a little over a week ago & it hasn't stopped... she is approximately 10 weeks & went to her first ultrasound because she was worried. The doctor said it's fine but to be a little less active and to keep monitoring color & flow. Even though she's still spotting, the doc gave her the green light to return to normal activity after just a few days. So I wouldn't be too worried.

[nickclick]

more hugs for (((Michelina))) i hope her email was sensitive to what you're going thru. i agree with funny's suggestion of sending congrats via a writen note.

and thanks funny!

i'm still cramping. nothing worse than PMS cramps and i can't tell the diff between those and gas bubbles, since constipation is an issue as well (sorry... TMI). i quickly sat up before and felt a sharp pain that may have been a gas bubble, but it worried the shit outta me (not literally, unfortunately). and i still see a bit of pink when i wipe. my doc appt in almost 2 weeks can't come soon enough.

[funnybird]

Damn, Michelina, I'm so sorry. That's really the last thing you need to hear right now.

As you know, I've struggled with my SiL's (Architect Boy's sister) pregnancy. I also found out at work, by e-mail, and proceeded to have a meltdown. I actually left early, went round to a friend's place and sat on his sofa bawling for about an hour. With everything that was going on at the time - as you may remember it was just days after AB's diagnosis and surgery, plus the miscarriage and the polyp - it was more than I could take. Well, she gave birth last Friday and I spent the weekend with a horrible knot in my stomach, unable to sleep, just thinking over and over again "it should have been me!". Only now, nearly a week later am I starting to feel happy for them and excited about meeting the baby.

It's hard for me to even confess to all of this, because I adore my SiL and her boyfriend and I feel terrible about how I've reacted, but I also know there are limits to how selfless and gracious a person can be! I guess what I'm trying to say is you're not alone, and please don't be hard on yourself. You are absolutely not selfish.

Can you possibly send a congratulatory text, e-mail or card instead? Would that be easier? I think that if your family know what you're going through at the moment they'll understand.

((((Michelina))))

[aphelendra]

Michelina - I am so so so sorry. I still have a really hard time with the fact that some people can conceive without even trying.

Before we were TTC ( but knew I had endo) and while we were TTC I absolutely dreaded seeing people who were pregnant. I tried to avoid situations where there were pregnant ladies as much as I could, especially ones I was close to and would have to interact with. But I think the anticipation of seeing these women ended up being much worse than actually seeing them. Usually, I surprised myself and wasn't nearly as upset as I thought I would have been . . . . Even if you find you can't be around her that much, I think that it is totally understandable and totally ok if you need some space while going through IVF.

Don't think you are unable to cope because you are at a low point. That's just what happens when you're going through this process, and it's expected to feel discouraged, especially after getting some tough news. It doesn't make you unable, or less strong, or less capable. Look how far you have made it . . . . I'm pretty sure you are one strong lady.

And I think that putting yourself through all of this awful waiting/testing/IUIing so you and your husband can share a family together is about the least selfish thing in the world . . . .

Hope tomorrow brings a better outlook.

[Michelina]

Now I have to pull myself together enough to make my congratulatory phone call.

[Michelina]

I found out today that my SIL (bro's wife) is pregnant. It was unplanned, but they are super happy. I found out from an email from her while I was at work. I had a complete meltdown at work. Everyone in my department knew, and I was crying in front of many of them.

And the worst thing is that they lives in Calgary and she will be in her 3rd tri when I start IVF. I am no longer excited about IVF and question whether I even want to be there to do it. I am feeling so selfish, but I am so devastated that both of my younger sibs will have children and I will be undergoing IVF, and there is no guarantee.

Still having a meltdown. I am all by myself right now and I am scared about my lack of ability to cope.

[funnybird]

Lauren, despite what all the experts say I've learned that luteal phases are NOT always consistent! Mine are usually 15 days, but in the months that I've been charting I've an 11 day and a 17 day. At least you know what's going on now.

Pepper, I meant to say that your story about your friend's indignant-talking-infant dream made me laugh.

[Cristine]

Lauren, one month I had 17 days of high temps & it dropped at 18 dpo so of course I looked up how often temps dip below the coverline and if I could still be pregnant (despite the negative tests)... but I ended up starting my period later that day. I know how much it must suck to have the full 18 days under your belt only to start at 19 dpo. Hang in there, for most it seems like a very tough ride... but at least you're not alone here!