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freckleface7
QUOTE(i_am_jan @ Mar 30 2007, 02:16 PM) *
Lunia: Good luck to you. If it were me I know it would be difficult but since it is *his* friends, just remember that you CAN just sit quietly and let those 2 do most of the socializing if you want. I know that as a quiet, shy person, I have been known to try and overcompensate for those personality traits by talking *A LOT* and it ended up just sounding like a fake version of me. Just remember that it's totally okay to just listen a lot and maybe smile a little to let folks know you're not trying to be unfriendly and hopefully they'll get that you simply are quiet and aren't one to talk about yourself much.

jan, that is most Excellent advice and so timely too!

frecklette and I are getting ready to go to a work-sponsored family event, but w/out the mr bc he is still away, and these people are mostly, so far, uber unfriendly. (clickish maybe?) and as the hour draws closer I am getting more and more tense.

in fact, I have a song in my head, re-written to the moment, to the music of 'bitchin camero, and it goes..social-Anxiety- Social Anxiety- I forgot my Brain!
social Anxiety-Social Anxiety- 'wish I could just sneakaway!


sad ain't it ? sad.gif

but really, the whole/only reason we are going is bc frecklette has a cool teen-event to do, and I will basically just be there waiting for her, and no longer expect anyone to be friendly and even have both a small mag and a book already in my purse, with the plan of the attitude of yah whatever but damn I hate stuff like this.
and it's funny, bc people generally think I am really Friendly (unless they think I'm snobby, it's Either/Or but never in between for some reason) but in reality, almost every time I am faced w/ this I almost get panic attacks before hand. then I get there and the first person that is nice I blabb incessantly to.

note to self mantra: it's totally ok to sit and just listen and maybe smile.
be cool freckle, no one knows you are the dork you are but YOU.


= siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. = mellow.gif


lunia, I hope you have a better time than you expect and who knows, maybe you'll even meet some nice people that you & your bf are both cool with?
my mr's guy best friend introduced us years ago and is still even now OUR best friend and it's a really great thing.
ginger_kitty
freckle, stay cool....it will be allright.

I came in here for similiar reasons at the moment. I am about to go to a get together with acquaintences, we don't know anyone there very well and I have jitters. It's a potluck, then I think we are going to all going bowling or something. I haven't been bowling in years but it sounds kind of fun, I am not a very good bowler so I usaually goof around a lot and my personality comes out more. But I am nervous all the same.

lunia, I am always uncomfortable around my hubbys friends that I don't know very well. I feel like the oddball out. But good luck and try to have a great time!
freckleface7
ginger- bowling can be a lot of fun!
I'm terrible at it too, and I think when that is the highest expectation, you can only aim to have as much fun as possible in the moment.
I hope you had a great time!

as for us, it wasn't as bad as I expected.
a lot of people. a lot of people w/ scads of ankle-biters, but it was an easter egg hunt for the younger ones, and as we don't know anyone w/ kids that age,, let alone know anyone hardly at all, for a change it was a blessing.

we did find my mr's boss & his wife, the same woman who wants to go to lunch, and she hugged me when she saw me ( a suprise), and we hung out more or less from that point on til we left before them.

these things are seldom as bad as I expect, and I need to remember that for the future, bc I waste an awful lot of energy stressing out for nothing and then feel like a dork Here for whining so much about it.
maybe I am only socially inept inside my own head?

I am sorry.
ginger_kitty
Good news, we had an awesome time! About twelve or thirteen people people, which is great for me I prefer smaller crowds. I took brownies and guacamole to the potluck and both were a big hit. A few people even asked me for the recipe to my dip. (It's shallow, but I love it when people praise me) We had hours of great conversation, and bowling was a riot. None of us were very good, it was just something to do. Hopefully I get to hang out with these people a little more often.

And an old friend from high school contacted me through myspace, I have not seen her since graduation, but we were friends from like 8th grade to senior year so it was nice to hear from her. And she only lives about an hour away, so that's kind of cool.

P.S. freckle, I don't think you are dork at all. smile.gif
lunia666
update

Well thing didn't work out this as planed . Friend of BF decided at last min to take a roadtrip instead do Friday night was a bust. Saturday hanged out will friends for a while and ate pizza. Stayed in bed are on the sofa the rest of the weekend.
jill
Hello all!

I'm new to the forum, but not to BUST. I just posted in the newbies forum.

I too have a social issue that I can't quite pin-point. I like to be around people, but have a hard time making 'friends'. Latley I have been putting the blame on my age (28). Many of my friends have gotten married or moved and It seems hard to meet other girls my age to hang out with.

It's nice to know I'm not alone.
freckleface7
welcome jill smile.gif

I think that in this day and age of so much "cyber and cell stuff" (not to blame, just an idea) w/ myspace and all the blogs and all, people have or are forgetting how to be real and actual face to face friends.
you can go online, throw up a blog site, and w/in hours if not minutes, have any # of "friends" registered w/ you.

it's like we've forgotten how to be more than virtual anymore and it makes meeting New people that much harder in real life. we'll trust strangers bc we've read their profiles or their blogs, but the friendly woman at the grocery store wearing a shirt w/ an inane band you love and a cart full of all your favorite foods you stop and then roll on by.

anyway, you're in good company in the socially inept thread, so make yourself at home. smile.gif
ginger_kitty
You know I never really thought about that, but you're totally right, freckle. I always think of the flip side, how easy it is talk to people on the internet vs. IRL. But that probably does contribute to social awkwardness, in regards to just trying to strike up a conversation or what not with strangers who could be potential friend.

Welcome Jill smile.gif
i_am_jan
freckle: I'm glad my "advice" was helpful. That was just stuff I use to try & calm my own anxiety when I feel there's an expection for me to be the social butterfly that I'm not. I try to remember that quiet/shy *is* me and if others really want to get to know me, that is what they'll find. Being yourself is the most important thing and if you're doing that, there's integrity in that. So be quietly confident! Also I try to breathe deep, remember that I *like* quiet even if others don't, and feel the anxiety leave my body with the next exhale.

(It's never *easy* though. Sometimes I feel like it would be so much better if I'd just hook up with some prescription drugs! But I don't want to do that so I try to mindf*@! myself instead unsure.gif

Good luck and peace out everybody ; )
crazyoldcatlady
so i've realized that i'm the most relaxed, the most "myself" amongst strangers or acquaintances when i'm in a group. if i'm out with a friend, and a group of his/her friends, i really don't mind; i can interject, add or not add to the convo without being conspicuous.

it's when i'm one-on-one with someone i don't know very well that it feels weird, like there's an impending awkward silence around every corner....

side note smile.gif
i_am_jan
Crazy ol cat: I know what you mean. I stress about that too - knowing that I'm not nearly as "animated" as most others during conversations, esp. 1-on-1's.

Have you tried accepting the silence? Listening to it - and choosing to enjoy it?

It seems like there's so much noise in the world that it's become difficult to recognize a space of silence as the *peace* that it truly is. But sometimes if I do that in the presence of other people, they actually "get" it. Maybe just give them a look/smile in between the words to show I'm still there but don't feel the need to fill every little space with unnecessary words.

I've found this to be difficult - as all things social seem to be for me - but it's better than the anxiety of feeling like 'oh my gosh what do I say now' when I really don't mind the silence when I think about it. It's so difficult to relax sometimes, but when it works, it works.

Just trying to suggest something different when nothing else seems to work... blink.gif
anna k
Work was good yesterday. My co-worker teased me, but it was in good fun. He said he thought I was very odd, but not in a mean way. He also teased me for having an insane amount of music/movie knowledge. I made fun of him when the workers were running down names of famous actresses to invite to a party in Cali, and he would say whether they were hot or not. I said he sounded like he was picking names for his spank bank, and he was surprised and said "You're an intern! I could have you fired!" To which my boss replied, "Don't even listen to him."
i_am_jan
Anna k:

Wow, look at you...kickin' it with the cool kids, tee hee (nudge nudge) tongue.gif
ginger_kitty
I had a super long weekend and didn't do crap. I avoided family, and didn't answer my phone. Sometimes I just don't feel like talking to people in my life. It's wierd b/c an old friend from school, caught up with me on myspace, and while I was happy to hear from her, I wasn't sure that I really want to talk to her. When she sends me messages she writes, love you....and it seems uncomfortable, I think to myself 'really, it's been so long'. High school seems like a lifetime ago, and I a completely different girl than I was back then. She was telling me that my old best friend has cancer and is going through chemo, and I know most peole would probably try to get in touch with thier old friend if they were going through an illness....but our friendship was pretty screwed up for years and we lost contact maybe 6 years ago.....she sounds like the same person she used to be.... and honestly I just can't invest myself in a relationship where I don't get anything back from the person.

The more I think about it, I can seriously see why I don't have many friends.....friendship is just to complicated, and I like things to be simple. I think I have just been deluded over the years my seeing friendships on tv, in the movies, and even in books, I always wanted that deep bond that they make seem so easy and natural. But I am not sure lifelong friends and all that are ever possible for people like myself.

Sorry for the rant.
freckleface7
ginger-
I don't think there's anything at all wrong w/ thinking/feeling the way you do.

that friend that found me from classmatesdotcom,, after she & I stopped hanging out, she got into all sort of wild and bad stuff it turns out (part of why we went seperate ways) and she had a really horrendously bad bad thing happen to her that I never knew about til recently. she didn't even graduate, she dropped out. again, I didn't know. she even said to me ' I always wondered how differently my life might have turned out if you & I had stayed close.' - what do you say to that after hearing the bits before that?
I'm sorry. just doesn't seem to cut it.

but the bottom line is, that's Her Fate. Her Choices. she's in a great place in her life now, I am SO Happy for her, bc I think she really appreciates how far she's come, but I couldn't change or save her back then. she was going to do what she chose to do regardless.
the same way you are Chosing not to let toxic people back into your life now.

one of the most liberating things I ever learned to do was to d x people like that.
Your Own Mental Health Comes first sweetie.

..this is so weird.. I just realised that I was dreaming a minute ago ( I am sick & waking at odd hours to cough, it's 4Am here right now) about a terrible girl who had Tormented me in elementary school.
her family had money. she turned all the other girls against me and I was picked on endlessly.
later one year she got cancer. had a wig and all of that. of course it just elevated her Queen status that much further and now as a Parent I see the situaiton much Much differently (what must they have gone through?) but the girl, she was just SO Cruel.
I remember trying to feel bad about it, knowing I SHOULD feel bad bc SHE HAS CANCER but I coudln't.
I didn't feel glad or happy or anything, just sort of numb about it..I think on some level that was the beginning of my understanding of fate or kharma or the balancing of uiversal energies or the like.
and as far as I know, the expereince didn't alter her one bit; she went on to be every bit as mean and nasty as she had ever been before that.

you can only walk the path your feet are touching ginger, don't be so hard on yourself.

= end fever-induced ramble=


anna-
You ROCK!!
the cool kinds indeed!
spank-bank is one I'd never heard before- made me squee w/ giggles! tongue.gif
pollystyrene
I am faced with the possibility of my two best friends moving away right now. I've known both of them, and their significant others, since high school. One of them is planning on moving to Upper Peninsula Michigan (they found a house that's currently being run as a B&B that they love, but they haven't put a bid on it yet) and the other one's less definite- she and her husband moved back to the Chicago-area to be near friends and family while her husband finishes his dissertation. After he's done, he wants to be a college professor, and will have to move wherever he can find a job. This won't be for another year, and they're hoping to stay here, but there's a good chance they won't.

I've had 5 good girlfriends in my adult life (some of them since childhood, but most I met in high school) and they've shifted in and out- one turned into a psycho and cheated on her boyfriend and dumped him....she was a toxic person and I took the opportunity to dump her. Six months later, I started dating the boyfriend she dumped and we've been together ever since. One had too much drama in her life, doing things I felt were morally wrong, and we grew apart (sounds similar to your friend, freckle). One got hooked up with a guy who replaced his substance addiction with an addiction to religion and they joined a super-Evangelist cult (like, Dubya's too liberal for them- eek.), got married, had a kid. I tried to stay friends with her, partly to be her lifeline to the real world, but I haven't heard from her nearly 2 years and I have no idea where she is.

Anyway, it's not that I won't be friends with my two remaining girlfriends just because they move (*if* they move) but what am I going to do on the weekends now? The one who's moving to Michigan, we have a standing date with her and her husband every Friday night. We see my other friend and her husband a few times a month. We have other friends, but no one who we're as close to, and for one reason or another, no one we'd probably see as regularly as we've been seeing our current closest friends.

The thought of trying to find new people to hang out with is kinda scary. I'm 26 and I don't have any friends who I didn't either meet in high school or were friends of the people I met in high school. So basically, in 8 years, I've met no one new.

My sister suggested a site called meetup.com....I haven't looked at it yet- anyone used it?
ginger_kitty
Thanks freckle. For a long time she really was a toxic friend, she was similiar to the friends you and polly discussed. Drugs, and other things were completely ruling her life and as much as I tried to help, I couldn't reach her, she was and for all I know still is just on a path of self destruction. And unless she is a totally different person, than the girl that flaked out on me 5 or 6 years ago, I just don't want anything to do with her. I am in a different place in my life now, 3 years ago or so, I probabbly would have rushed to her side, supporting her anyway I could, and secretly known she wouldn't return the favor. Over the last few years, I have cleansed my life of toxic people though, and I just won't let them be a part of my life. I have always/often come off as cold, but that's just my defense against being hurt, in truth I've always cared too much. But after severing ties with my last toxic friend, who was never really never much of a friend, I reached a point of clarity. And I realized I was happier than I have ever been.

I think I was just a little down, yesterday b/c I had been talking to old friends from high school, who seemed like they were attempting to push me or maybe guilt me towards reaching out to her. These are people I haven't really spoken to much in like 9 years, so they remember the old me, and the relationship my old best friend and I used to have. But they don't know the crap that went down between then and now. They just remember that from like 7th grade to senior year we were tight.

Sorry to derail the thread a bit but thanks for listening.

i_am_jan
QUOTE(ginger_kitty @ Apr 9 2007, 01:01 AM) *
The more I think about it, I can seriously see why I don't have many friends.....friendship is just to complicated, and I like things to be simple. I think I have just been deluded over the years my seeing friendships on tv, in the movies, and even in books, I always wanted that deep bond that they make seem so easy and natural. But I am not sure lifelong friends and all that are ever possible for people like myself.


g kitty: Yeah, me too. Relationships are difficult for me. They are energy consuming and being the hyper-sensitive person I am, I constantly get my feelings hurt and just end up with a lower self esteem somehow!! I feel better on my own.

I also have to agree that TV/movies make friendship seem so cool! And so easy! All the cool *banter* in the conversations, witty retorts, knowing exactly what to say just as soon as the other person is finished talking - yes, movies and TV make all this look better than it actually seems to be for some of us ; )

*****

pollystyrene (X-RAY SPEX is one of my top 5 fave bands of all time, BTW!!!! ; )~~) : If you scroll back far enough in this thread, people have discussed meetup.com and their experiences. From what I've read, it seems to be something you have to be into...you seem to meet a lot of people there who are in the same boat as you are so it looks like you may have to plan on being the one to reach out to anyone you meet who may seem interesting, but if you did, it looks like you may have a good friend with similar interests?...also, it looks to be something you may not find instant gratification with but may have to keep going and stick with it for a while to get results if you are serious about reaching out to new people. Good luck and let us know if you decide to do it. It sounds like something with a lot of potential to me if you have realistic expectations...and of course remember to be careful (not that you need to be told that wink.gif~
anna k
I felt like I had embarassed the guy when I made a masturbation joke about him in public, so I apologized to him in private today. He said he didn't mind, that he was being sarcastic but appreciated my apology. I liked being funny but didn't want to make him look like an ass.

I agree with wanting solid female friendships. I'd love to have someone to chill with and have a group of like-minded invididuals to have parties and barbeques with and be like an extended family.
lunia666
late update

Thursday I found out BF and I got invite to an Art Gallery opening on Friday. sad.gif Need less to say I was on pins and needles all Friday. Invite came from old friend of BF that he hadn't seen since High School. Anyway I really didn't want to go but BF was really looking forward to it and guess what it turned out to be a lot of fun. The girl was really nice ( one of those hyper boucney girls who can talk to anybody about anything) laugh.gif . It was only a few people and I can't say I made any friends but I did have a good time. tongue.gif
Saturday we headed to the drive in to see Grindhouse just the two of us. So all and all it was a good weekend
This weekend where having dinner with and old roomate and her husband one night and I have a b-day party to go to .
It's funny of me because since BF moved in I have been alot more active ( sorry for miss spelling etc..)

i-am-jam : I know what you mean about friendships in movies/tv . I would love to have a group of girls I was really close to . The closest thing I ever had to that was two girls I worked with but in the end we where to diff to be close friends.
i_am_jan
For me, it's so difficult to be myself around other women, in particular. I'm sure most of it is about my relationship with mom who's always been hyper-judgmental and has always paid too much attention to what I say and how I say it and how I act in order to pick on me. I always feel as though I have things to hide when I socialize with other gals and it SUCKS so bad...knowing that it's not about other women, it's me.

Anywho, my boyfriend's mom has recently come into my life. She lives out of town but visits here and always wants to take BF -AND- me out to dinner. And she CALLS me once in a while. (And believe me, I'm not a phone-talker either, although it is easi-ER than being in person.) Thing is, she's a really *genuinely nice* person, as is his dad. They are 'hippie'-type people (independently employed, have a completely unique sort of lifestyle/schedule, into alternative med., very simple, wholesome, cooks/bakes constantly, etc.) - AND they only have 2 sons, no daughters or daughters-in-law. My BF states that 'I have been good for her' and that 'she's really needed a female such as myself to talk to once in a while.'

At any rate, she's always doing nice things for me. (Shoot, she sent home a frackin' homemade BLUEBERRY PIE for me last time he went home for the weekend, mkay?)

Cut to me...I'm having a hard time dealing with the pressure that I feel in having this relationship/friendship to keep up. I've called her a couple of times, but have a *real* difficult time at it. Again, it seems like so much energy and as usual, just blows my mind for some reason. Lately, she's sent me cards & stuff but I haven't really called or anything so the anxiety is mounting.

What I'm getting at is, I'd like to do something nice for her but I don't know what. I'd just like her to know I appreciate her, even though I keep to myself most of the time. I'm not a knitter or anything like that unfortunately. I can cook when I need to. A small gesture, nothing she'd feel she had to reciprocate or anything. Maybe I should put this in the 'she's crafty' thread (?) Just something nice I could do for her...While remaining (ahem) noncommital. Anyone have any ideas at all, please feel free to throw them my way...
lunia666
i_am_jam : Am not that crafty but I love to give people flowers are a nice house planet. smile.gif
lunia666
i_am_jam : Am not that crafty but I love to give people flowers are a nice house planet. smile.gif
ginger_kitty
lunia, agreed. I love giving or getting house plants as gifts.

I am kind of bummed, I have absolutely no plans this weekend. And I am low on cash so I can't think of much to do. Maybe I have some old unfinished sewing projects or something I can dig up. This weekend it would be nice to know more folks.
kelkello
Ginger, I know how you feel. Some weekends I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. It's not true, but when they are all busy, it is a very lonely time. You should have a *you* weekend. Finish your projects, read a juicy novel, take deliciously long naps. Give yourself a pedicure. I've just been through a breakup and am finally learning to enjoy my time alone again.
anna k
I made the most of my Saturday night. I went to the Siberia Bar, a trendy-trashy dive bar, and drank some beer, listened to metal rock bands, and a girl said I looked "so, so familiar" to her. Then I went to Gray's Papaya and had a couple of hot dogs.

In Time Out New York, during a special Grindhouse issue, a guy spent a day hanging out in grungy places to get the same "grindhouse" feel. Two were Siberia and Gray's Papaya, both which are blocks away from me. So I went to check them out, but Siberia seemed intentionally grungy (motorcycle, writing on the wall, metal bands, cheap beer, band posters, warehouse setting) and Gray's Papaya was fine, a late-night kind of place.
ginger_kitty
I actually had a busy weekend. We visited my husbands family for a little bit, on Friday. Usually I loathe hanging out with the in-laws, depending on which one it is. But one of my husband's aunts was there and always enjoy chatting with her. She is such a kind thoughtful person.

Last night we went to our favorite hole in the wall bar. It's not much to look at, but the food is unbelievably good and everything is made from scratch. The Mr. and I had beer and pizza.

Today my hubby has started racing in autocross, and I got to ride along on his runs. It was freaking incredible!!! Your driving sort of fast and flying around corners and cones, very awesome!

kelkello, I think I am going to squeeze in an at home manicure and pedicure. Sometimes I forget to take time to spoil myself like that.
i_am_jan
lunia: Thanks so much, it's settled, house plant will be perfect...(simple, yet special, yet nothing too...crazy.) You don't know how much I appreciate that suggestion.

Peace out all~

p.s. stole this from the quotes thread over in As The World Turns:

"but when you know that you've got one real friend somewhere
suddenly all the others are so much easier to bear."

jackson browne - "the late show"
laurenann
anna k, i grew up in new jersey and spent a lot of time in nyc as a teenager, and we'd always go to gray's papaya for hot dogs. i don't remember how they tasted or anything, just that we went and it was fun. they also talked about gray's papaya in seinfeld one time.

i've been fine socially lately. it's weird. i have three girlfriends i hang out with on the weekends, my boyfriend and his friends are always around, i'm comfortable with most of the people at work, and i haven't been in any situations where i am normally socially awkward lately. my life seems to be coming together. guess i was just in a slump. a three year slump.



i_am_jan
My sister just emailed me to say she will be 'out & about' tonight (at the bars) and may give me a call if she & friends are around my corner of town. I'm already so anxious about it and it may not even happen. But it's all I can think about now.

Does anyone else ever have 'fantasies' about hanging out with people and dream that it'll be so cool, and you'll be laughing, and so comfortable and so cool?

Part of me always has this fantasy and wants to be swept off my feet and taken out to the bars and rocked by a group of friends.

But I've done it before and I know how it ends. Everyone else having a good time and me standing around feeling self-conscious and seeing my discomfort reflected back to me by anyone who talks to me, feeling like an awkward idiot for even going and just wanting to go home.

Just wanted to vent those feelings.
lunia666
i-am-jan: I now how you feel many a night I have left the house with great hopes. For things to turn out totally diff.
My weekend is pretty free nothing planed other then some major house cleaning.sad.gif
ginger_kitty
Yeah, jan I do the samething all the time. Big hopes that never quite work out. Did you end up going out with your sis?

This weekend was just me and Mr. g. kitty, but we had a good weekend. I have said it before but I'll say it again, it's so much easier when it's just the two of us. We went out for wings and beer in the middle of the day, Saturday. If we'd stopped and called anyone to meet us, we probably would have gone later b/c no one else would have wanted to eat so early, or we would have had to debate where to go, instead of just heading out. My lack of friends is actually more covenient most of the time.

We also took a nice long ride on our bicycles and enjoyed the warm weather. I'm pretty rusty at riding though, it's been years since I had a bike. I felt like I was learning all over again. Probably looked goofy as hell....but oh well!
i_am_jan
No, I didn't go out on Friday evening. They didn't call.

And this was after I spent my entire day in social anxiety. Argh, (ever feel like your own worst enemy?)

Once it got pretty late and I realized they weren't going to call, then I actually felt a little pang of loneliness, I guess in the realization that I pretty much am friendless for the most part.

But then mostly I was relieved. To begin my weekend alone with no plans except alone stuff. Such a double-edged sword!

Thanks for comments everybody, it's nice to be checked in on.

G-Kit: Uh-oh here she comes stay off the sidewalk - she's ridin' rusty! tongue.gif
seven
i_am_jan --- I have to say, I read your post below and I empathize a LOT with what you said. I feel a weird awkardness around women for some reason, and I never thought long and hard about WHY ... until I read your post and realized that my mom is exactly how you described (I love her madly, but it is what it is). Very interesting what we can learn about ourselves and our family relationships when someone else says it...

Anyhoo ~ ~ also wanted to say, my fiance's mom has been emailing and calling me lately, and I was uncomfortable with it (still am, actually) b/c she is very ... very ... just very everything. Very religious, very opinionated in ways, very lovey, etc... which is completely opposite of my own mother. Wasn't sure how to handle. She buys me things (ex. fridge magnet that is a religious saying, although I am not very religious) and just treats me like her own child, which, although comforting in a mom-to-not-mom way, gets me thinking about what I should/could/can do for her. So this past weekend I made her a scrub with some sugar, jojoba oil, and essential oils, poured it in a sealable jar, and put a little homemade tag on it with a cute name. She went CRAZY over it. So, that is an idea of a thoughtful thing that is relatively inexpensive but shows you took the time to think of her...

ok. done rambling...off to ye ol' bed....
i_am_jan
Seven: Yeah, I've learned things about myself on this Board too. Feelings I wasn't able to articulate for myself until someone else brought them up. The 'problems with family thread' has been good for family stuff as well. Glad you found something you could relate to.

: )

Hey thanks so much for the suggestion on the scrubby stuff for mom-in-law. That is an awesome idea and I will want to use that next time I feel I want to do something for Connie. I may be back to ask for your recipe.

Peace out all~
freckleface7
yah yah yah!!

I just found out a really good friend of mine is moving here!!!!
I fought against it initally, bc it so Royally Sucks where we live.. but it's where she found a job and sinse that is beyond my control... YAH!!!!!

the mr & I are now slated to go to a marriage retreat in about 3 weeks, sponsored by his job.
we are hopeful to make some new couple-friends there as they are all in the same field of work and there won't be any kids around {to annoy}. (always a Huge Bonus to me).
his boss & his wife (the one who wants to do lunch) talked about going and I really hope they do bc they are terrific people but I don't want to call her and ask.. bc I think I'd come across as needy.

ahh well.

my friend is moving here - yah yah yah! biggrin.gif

crazyoldcatlady
kind of just dumbass moves that i feel stupid about:

i was super-tired/out of it yesterday, and when i called my congressman's office for National Call-in day to support the Freedom of Choice act, I called him by the wrong name and generally tripped over my words! It was just his secretary, but still...


came home, parked in the wrong spot, and this morning had a 1/30th of a second flip-out thinking my car was stolen, 'til i looked 3 spots down and saw my car. with a nasty note on it.

fuckers.
ginger_kitty
(((catlady))) Sorry to hear you had a shitty day.

Freckle, how awesome that your friend is moving to your city! Have fun on the retreat. smile.gif

Today will actually be a really social day for me. I have a get-together/picnic at a park with locals I met off of myspace. The hubby and I have been to a few of these now, so we are starting to get to know the folks there. Everyone's really nice, and the weather is terrific for a picnic! Then around 7, we are heading to a pretty cool bar for dinner and drinks with some of my co-workers. One of the girls is turning 30, and doesn't know too many people so I suggested we take her out, and to my surprise people were really excited. Not a big thing, maybe 8-10 people.

I am nervous, though. I always get so hopeful, wanting everything to go just right, and hoping everyone has a good time.
i_am_jan
G-kit: Wow, that sounds like a blast, esp. the picnic! And then to move into the night for a few cocktails at a club?...what a great plan : )

Just remember to *relax*.

If you find yourself focusing on yourself (feeling self-conscious), try to catch it - and then turn your attention outward. Really look and listen to other people.

And remember it's purely about *fun*.

Peace out all~
lunia666
Nothing much happened this weekend . Stayed up Friday night with BF untill 4am. Slept for like 12 hours on Saturday . Sunday was my mom's b-day we all went out to eat together with BF and my dad. This week mw and BF have a b0day dinner Tuesday with a friend of his. Friday -Sunday i have meeting in Auburn so mini roadtrip yeah smile.gif
ginger_kitty
The picnic was really fun! I almost wish I hadn't left to meet my co-workers at the bar. The bar was okay, but everyone was kind of down and quite. They all had stuff going on, some couldn't leave work at work, and all the ladies except me were moms, so they had to leave early to pick up thier kids at the babysitters. A gal pal(not from work) of mine came though, so my hubby, her and I stayed later and drank way more than the others. The three of us had a blast!
freckleface7
lunia-
how was the road trip?

yah for a great/good time being had at the bar/picnic last weekend ginger!!

once again, we stress usually way more than the event seems to warrant.

this afternoon frecklette & I are going to a small party at one of Her friend's houses.. her Mom (that I am getting to be friends w/ too) is hosting a MARY KAY party and invited me.
it's not actually the party that is the worry.. it's the MARY KAY part that has me frightened to death.
organized makeup is akin to organized religion and cults to me.. a lot of scariness mixed w/ pushy phoniness. the fact that I only wear organic mineral makeup ( & am working on phasing into all organic cosmetic/household products too) is a biggee to me, but I feel that as this woman (who is uber nice & I really do like) is keeping frecklette for us the weekend the mr & I are going away sort of leaves me w/ a huge Rude Factor if we bail.
in fact I told her that I doubted I'd buy anything due to that and she was cool, is hosting as a favor to another friend, but it's the sales rep that has me wigged. don't try to put any of that crap (no offense to anyone here) on my face please!!

so um, does garlic or the like work? huh.gif
anna k
I had a great time last night. I met with a girlfriend I hadn't seen in a long time, and we hung out having pizza, seeing a movie, then walking around a lot talking. It was 2:30 am when I got home. She always makes me feel so happy and free and light.
crazyoldcatlady
so i went to a house party last night that wasn't so much a house party as it was a small group of people (of whom i knew 3) drinking.

i was way. over. dressed.

i felt so self-conscious. i had skinny jeans on, betty-page esque heels, and a black tunic top that had a nice oval cut out in the boobage area. now, i'm usually pretty conservative, and would rock a jeans and a hoodie at all times if i could, but i don't get out much, so i figured that i should do the top. everyone else there was in like ratty tees and wool sweaters. i kept trying to cover the oval all night, felt like i was apologizing with my eyes all night; "i'm not normally this titty-out-like-what, i actually wish i were in sweatpants right now."

i had an ok time, but i just sort of wanted to leave as soon as i walked in. i could almost feel their collective eyes looking right at tunic.
laurenann
one way my boyfriend can tell that i'm stressed about a social event is when i change my outfit over and over. i always end up feeling uncomfortable in what i'm wearing and wish i just kept on the first thing i tried.

one of his old friends was in town with his girlfriend, and they came over for dinner last night. it was just the four of us, we bbq'd and ate on the deck, and she wearing this great outfit. i felt slightly jealous and a bit slobby in my jeans and hoodie, even though we were just hanging out at my apartment.

and i bet your shirt wasn't THAT sexy. one of my friends has this top that she calls her "sexy top" and it is just this black v-neck with sparkles. maybe the people at the gathering thought you were just coming from somewhere cooler than what they were doing!
hazystargazer
This past weekend was pretty low-key. Saturday I took a free yoga class at a studio here in town (they have these once a month, which is awesome), the boyfriend and I went to a local greenhouse and bought a few plants and flowers for our little garden, then we went out to a kick-ass Chinese restaurant for dinner, came home and watched a movie. Seems like our weekends lately have been pretty hectic, what with me going out of town for family events, visiting an out-of-town friend, etc. It's nice to just relax.

This coming Saturday my friend Leasa is having a Body Shop party, where we'll be getting/doing makeovers and spa treatments, and of course purchasing beauty products. So I'm excited about that. cool.gif

CrazyOCL, I always tend to overdress a bit when I go out somewhere, but I love doing it. I'm sure they were looking at you and thinking "I wish I looked that hot" tongue.gif
dayglowpink
I usually only lurk here (isn't that typical!), but I just finally felt like posting, cause I really identify so much with what you guys talk about. Tonight I'm a little bummed, because my boy usually comes over on Wednesdays to watch Lost, but earlier today he told me he might go over to another friend's house instead. And I know if I want to I can go to some other friends' house to watch with them, but I get a lot of mixed feelings about it where I won't feel like leaving my house, but then I will still whine and feel sorry for myself. I love being alone when I want to, but sometimes I get tired of it and lonely, too. Funny, the boy just now called me and said that he was gonna stay home, and I started feeling irritated, but then he said, why don't you come over here and watch it? So that was nice. I don't know, I think I sabatoge myself sometimes, because I get into this thing of feeling like nobody likes me or wants to hang out with me, so I don't call them, and then I feel worse when they don't call me, and it turns into a vicious cycle. I noticed when I was on a road trip with my boy (who has millions of friends and is very outgoing) that he calls tons of people just to check in and chat on a regular basis. I would feel weird about doing that with anyone but my closest friends (of whom there are only a couple), but I realized that that's how you make and maintain friendships and that it does take effort. I get paranoid that we would have nothing to talk about or that it would be uncomfortable or that they would be weirded out to hear from me, and I just don't get in touch. I'm trying to work on this a little bit, but it's hard.
ginger_kitty
I just had such an awkward moment. I was waiting in line at the bank, and I saw a guy I worked with years ago. At first, I was going to snub him, because I hadn't spoken to or seen him in quite awhile. ( I am notorious for snubbing, not because I am a jerk. I am just incredibly awkward.) But he smiled at me, so I gave a little friendly wave. And he kept going. But then he realized who I was and came back to talk to me. I guess when he smiled, he was just being polite and didn't actually recognize me.
*bangs head on desk*
We chatted for a minute, but our conversation felt really odd and a bit forced. He asked me what I was up to, I kept it really brief, all I said working and stuff. I wish I had a great job or something, to brag about.(And I looked like a total mess.) I quickly changed the subject and asked what he was up to, he started to go on and on about his fab job as an art teacher and his children....I changed the subject again b/c it made me feel kind of bad about myself b/c I'm no where near wear I wish I were career wise...so I asked him about his sister, who I also knew but haven't seen in around 6 years. She is also doing terrific, getting her masters in something. Then there was a long pause, and I finally ended up saying "Well it was nice to run into you" as a cue that he should go, because I had nothing else to say. He said the same, but looked relieved and left.

I wanted to crawl under something and hide, aftewards. I should have been socialized as a child.
freckleface7
aww ginger I'm sure it wasn't as bad as all that.

and truthfully? bc you so artfully re-directed the conversation back to Talking About Him, he probably thinks you had a nice chat & that you're doing great and will say so to anyone you might have in common still that he see's.
people Love to talk about themselves. seriously, I think you are golden, stop stressing! tongue.gif

our weekend retreat is next weekend and aside from an on-going 'oh shit what do I wear/pack?!!' crisis (bc you know you have to be prepared for just about EVERYTHING when you go away.. esp when there are the outdoors (something I am always ill at ease w/ anyway) AND shopping/dining/socializing involved) as far as the social aspects, I'm not sweating it.

the mr & I are a great unit of 2 all by ourselves.. ejoying each other's company genuinely.
low or no expectations equal no disappointments right?

I plan on drinking lots.. having wild and wonderful portions.. and catching up w/ him in the comfort of our suite. anything else is just extra pie. biggrin.gif
ginger_kitty
Okay so I am freaking out again. An old friend of mine from high school emailed me that she ran into another girl we used to hang with and that friend gave the girl my number so I could call her sometime. But I feel like that would be really freaking awkward b/c I haven't seen the girl or anyone else really since gradutation day . We hung out everyday in school for years. But I have changed a lot over the years. And everytime I hear about former school buddies it seems like they are pretty much the same. I am not sure the people that were my friends nine years ago, would still be my friends. If that makes sense. Anyway both ladies want to get together sometime to catch up and have a little mini reunion, but the thought of it fills me with anxiety. Part or me thinks, yeah that would cool.

Thanks freckle, your probably right about me over thinking the run in with the former co-worker. I am overly dramatic. Your retreat sound like so much fun. I bet your going to have an awesome time. Your daughter's probably kind of psyched that she gets to spend the whole weekend at a friends house, too. Just relax and enjoy!!

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