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i_am_jan
It feels good to talk about all of this.

"i guess what i'm saying is that i really really dig chics and guys who are introverted, strange, unorthodox, and individual, so much so that the reactions of others dont seem to matter as much." -knorlo

Know what?, I really digg'em too KNORL. rolleyes.gif

Kindness is so very underrated. Sorry to hear you had a bully sibling unsure.gif Makes growing up such a delight. I'll tell you...people could really not imagine *just* how cruel children can be...like just walk on up to you and tell you how they *really* feel about how you're dressed, the fact that you have no friends, the fact that you totally suck when you *already* freaking feel that shit

QUOTE(dusty @ Jan 25 2008, 07:33 PM) *
Yep. Introverts are, apparently, a statistical minority, which explains why they are often made to feel 'wrong' or like outsiders.

I did not know that. Makes total sense.

I'm curious dusty, how did you end up performing at the French school? That sounds like a crazy experience. It sounds frightening. Sounds like you've been through a lot, maybe done a little soul-searching yourself? (I am very jealous of you for speaking French rolleyes.gif ...the French school sounds very cool even though it must have sucked at the time...

"I hadn't really thought of myself as awkward for a long time, its just lately, I've been finding myself overthinking social situations, and I think it is just because I have been so active lately, in a kind of political way, that maybe I have been pushing my boundaries and not giving myself room to decompress."

Exactly...sounds like "growing pains" as you push out and grow...and in relation to what sounds like weighty matters...would be easy to overthink. It sounds like you're doing kind of good actually, being active sounds exciting...just make sure to always squeeze in that 'downtime' that you know you need in between?

For what its worth, studying improv and performance skills really really brought me a long way to not giving a shit what people thought of me.


Really. I would be absolutely thrilled to be pointed in the direction of any program, or books, you might recommend on the subjects of improv/performance/anything that could help me to relax would be welcomed with open arms. Like, *practice* being in public? Sounds mindblowing. (Ahem, not to mention a blast!?) (And of course ~ *alone-style fun*, yay rolleyes.gif unsure.gif

Gingerkitty: Hi there, been a while. Glad the solitude is still going quite well for you tongue.gif And the overthinking of course. It seems you can't be a 'socially inept dork' without getting a great deal of analyzing done in the process. All that alone time can taste a tad 'bittersweet' at times though, word/

(Okay, the threadhog of the millenium will step off now! I hope I haven't overwhelmed you with all the emoticons laugh.gif
i_am_jan
oops one more thingie, to konfusion: wow, look at you represent for yourself! very nicely done. (Of COURSE there is an emoticon for you too this evening! wub.gif

*not sure what the 'wub' on that emoticon means...I just thought it was cute?
starship
hi all...
I'm definately an introvert but strangely enough i've never been bullied, not even in a minor way. I've always thought it was strange as I've always been quiet and not particularly good looking or anything like that- seemed like I was the stereotypical type of person who'd be bullied. I was even what would be described as aquantencies with the some of 'popular' people strangely enough. Perhaps people saw me as unthreatening and so took me under their wing lol
I found it interesting that you mentioned moving around dusty. We moved twice when i was younger which doesn't sound much but it meant i went to 2different lower schools and two different high schools. I somehow made friends each time and settled in ok but the last time we moved i was around 14/15 and it was harder as by that age groups in school had already formed so it was much easier to feel like an outsider. I had a group of nice friends but even after 2years of being there I still felt like the 'new girl' in a way and i think it was around this time that my introvertedness became an issue for the 1st time. I'd left behind some of the closest friends I'd ever had in my old town which made it harder. Anyway, I think that moving around never helps for someone who finds it hard meeting new people.
Konphusion- I'm really happy for you! It's great when you meet people who you feel comfortable around so just enjoy it smile.gif
Is it me or are all the people like us who you meet quite intelligent people?? Part of the problem is overthinking like Ginger-kitty said and so perhaps intelligence can actually be a hinderence when it comes to be sociable. Sometimes I've found myself wishing I was a giggly, dumb bimbo-type just because I know life would be easier- saying any stupid thing that came into my head without inhibitions and not analysing peoples every word and action or worrying what they think of me. Am I way off the mark?
Oh and ginger I'm glad you plucked up the courage for that call smile.gif. I often worry endlessly about soemthing only to find myself thinking afterwards that I don't know what the big deal was
obelix2
High five, Konphusion! A question for you - When it was all over, even though it was a smashing success, were you still a little relieved when the last person left?
konphusion26
AWWWWW thanks gurls!! **BIG HUGS** I feel empowered smile.gif And I'm ready to host another lil shindig.

Obelix, honestly, I didnt want them to leave. LOL but it was late and they had to go to work the next day. I get very lonely at home all day by myself. So its definitely refreshing to have other people that I love come and hang out. If it were just some random people, I dont think i'd be so comfortable with them here.
knorl05
thurs was a dinner party with two girlfriends i've known since highschool (10+years).. we dont get together too often anymore due to work and different lifestyles, so it was really nice for us all to hang like old times. we had cocktails, ate dindin, played board games, and watched a movie. it was great.. especially that we can all pick up like no time has passed. fri was partying with my current beau. we actually went out, socialized, and danced. that's one of the things i've always liked about the scenes i've run in is that most people are out to have a good time, listen to music and dance, so no one even notices when you've not got much to say. i mean, to actually try to carry on a conversation is almost next to impossible, so it's useless to even try.

anyway. as dorky as this sounds.. relating to you ladies like i have been lately has really made me feel more comfortable with how i am. i'm finally getting over nice girl syndrome and (like kon said) i feel really empowered. so yeah. lovehugskisses to you all.
starship
sounds great knorl smile.gif. And i totally agree about how this place has helped, it's just nice sometimes to know that you aren't the only person in the world going through stuff. Other topics on bust have really helped me with other issues too, i love bust smile.gif. I wish i knew more people like you guys IRL. I've decided to stop saying no to so many invitations from now on. It's silly to let my worrying keep getting in the way
ratgrl
Hi there, everyone! I'm a longtime lurker in this thread, but this is my first time posting here.

I can so relate to much of what many of you have posted in here. I am Jan: Your story, in particular, resonated with me, because my life, in terms of the way I was treated both by family and peers growing up, was very similar to yours.

I was a small, skinny, sickly kid from Day One. When I was 2 years old, I was diagnosed with severe asthma. Back then, far fewer people had it then is the case now, and the fast-acting inhalers that are around now didn't exist in those days, either. So during my entire childhood, I had to really limit my physical activity, esp. anything that involved running, as that would trigger an instant wheezing attack. So this may or may not have played a role in my general introvert tendencies.

My parents put my sister (who is just 15 months younger than I) and me in pre-school when we were 3 and 4, respectively. Even though I was older, she was bigger: taller and heavier and *not* at all sickly. She was also socially outgoing, while I apparently barely talked. It was so bad that my preschool teacher alerted my parents to this and suggested that they take me to counseling. She also suggested that I not start kindergarten once I turned 5, but that they would be better off deferring me for a year. They didn't do that, because my sister was chomping at the bit to start school herself, and they felt it wouldn't have seemed right to start us at the same time, with me being older: people would have talked. I think that's true--especially back then--there was much less holding kids back a grade than there is now. Anyway, it's only recently that my mom told me about all this; I certainly wasn't aware it at the time and don't remember any of it.

I remember my real social problems starting in late elementary school. In 5th grade, one girl, for reasons still unknown to me, turned everyone in our class against me. The following year was spent in Italy because of my dad's work. Like Dusty, I was put in a foreign school knowing only a few words of the native language. I didn't make a lot of friends there, either, but my sister, being a perennial social butterfly, did. This is really awful, but I even remember my dad saying to me once that year, "Ratgrl, it doesn't seem to to matter where you go--people don't like you." I was 11 years old. Let me tell you, that did wonders for my self-esteem. sad.gif

Once back in the States, I started middle school. Seventh and eighth grades were pretty much total hell for me. I was one of the kids who got picked on, because I was quiet and shy, because I liked to read, because when I did talk in class I tended to use "big" words, because I sucked at all the games we had to play in gym class. I always had a few friends, but never enough for my parents, especially my dad. Once when we were having an argument about something, he said, "You're so difficult to get along with-- no wonder people don't like you! No wonder so-and-so didn't invite you to her birthday party!" Really, like pretty much everyone else who writes in this thread, I have always been basically a loner, but my father, especially, couldn't understand that. I think my dad has always had monophobia, so he can't fathom the idea of actually liking solitude.

About the bully-sibling thing: I experienced that, too, to an extent. As I said, my sister was always bigger and far more gregarious than I was, and I was never the most assertive type, and she took advantage of that, big-time. Oh, the stories I could tell! But I've basically written a book already. Suffice it to say that based on how peers and my family (and I'm including some of my extended family in here, too) treated me, I spent the first 25 years of my life feeling like I must be wearing a "KICK ME!" sign that was visible to everyone but me.

Fortunately, I met and married someone who is also a loner; we've been together 18 years now. Sometimes I've thought that if I'd ended up with someone more gregarious, I'd have been forced to be more social, but it wouldn't have changed my basic personality makeup. I would have just spent more weekends thinking, "Oh, shit, we have go to [name whatever hypothetical social function] tonight." Truthfully, when I do meet up with friends or go to someone's house, I do enjoy it, but then I've had my fill for, oh, the next month or two--LOL.

Again, I'm so glad this thread is here. As I said before, I've read it for a long time and only now had the courage to delurk. Thanks for listening, and keep on keeping on. wink.gif
starship
hi ratgrl! I think you should delurk more often, you've got lots to say and it's nice to have people to chat to who understand you (to an extent at least) smile.gif. I can't imagine going through all of the things that you have. I'm pretty certain I would've become a complete recluse after so many knocks to the confidence. I think considering my personality I was lucky (if that's the right word :S) when growing up. Perhaps I'm proof that some people are just born this way. I used to in a way blame the fact that we'd moved around quite a bit or other events in my life but, thinking back, even when I was settled in a place with close friends I would have the same nervousness over social situations and often chose time to myself over going out with friends etc. I'd love to know to what extent unbringing effects our personality. One of the courses I'm studying at the moment deals with how various factors effect the likelyhood of someone becoming criminal. It's not exactly the same but involves a lot of psychology etc so I'm hoping it may shed some light smile.gif. I imagine I'd find it quite tiring if I did end up with an overly sociable, outgoing man. I enjoy going out but I don't think I could ever be the sort to be out socialising every night. It's like for every hour i spend socialising I would've already spent 2 worrying about it beforehand.
Just out of interest, How did you meet your husband ratgrl?
obelix2
Hiya, Ratgrl! I understand about filling your quota for socializing for the month. That's kind of what I was asking Konphusion about. Konphusion- when you were talking about your excellent get-together, I was seeing it as if I was in that situation. For me, no matter how much fun I have, I want it to be over so I can be alone in a quiet room again.

Interesting. I guess we're all loners in our own slightly different ways.
knorl05
yes welcome ratgrl... glad you've decided to emerge from the shadows and say hello! we really are a friendly bunch, despite the fact we're apparently socially inept. lol. thank you for sharing your story too, gives us a better idea of not only where you're coming from, but also just how much we can relate to you. the parallels in all of our stories amazes me, and it saddens me to think the one main thing we dorky busties have in common is the idea that there's either something wrong with our approach, or ourselves in general. i think that'd be very interesting to explore. i guess when you keep hearing the same message over and over again, it's hard not to develop it into your own belief system. unsure.gif

welcome welcome, join in the festivities! we are so glad to have you.
minx
Obelix: just a friendly all-call from the Okayers thread! No really, we actually LIKE each other over there. There are a core group of us who split off because back in the day the Kvetch thread was really hot and it was really hard to keep up...not to forget the odd "virtual fights" that would crop up on occasion. Most of us have actually met each other in real life, and some of us have become phone buddies. It's totally genuine, though. I know that it can be daunting to walk into a room of folk and just be forward, but this is one of the most low-risk threads evah.

And for what it's worth, the lot of us are social when we have to be, but the vast majority of us like mega-alone-downtime. I think the thread compensates for the socializing that a lot of us don't do, or don't have time for.

So sayeth the girl who spent the entire weekend in her apartment grading papers. smile.gif
ratgrl
Thanks for the warm welcome and kind words, everybody! smile.gif Wow-- It sounds like many of you, like me, have been led to believe that being shy/introverted/having loner tendencies are character flaws. They are not; that's just the way some people are. I'm no expert and certainly don't have all the answers, but having grown up in a family in which both my parents and my one sibling were all extremely social and all had lots of friends, I was clearly an anomaly. (And no, I'm definitely not adopted.) Maybe it's kind of like when everyone in the family has blond hair except for one child, who's born a redhead? Whatever--it doesn't mean that the person is "defective" or "damaged goods" (which is essentially how I was made to feel); it just means that that person is different. Period.

Starship--your criminal psychology studies sound interesting. I've read lots of true-crime books over the years, and it seems that the perpetratrators of some of the most heinous crimes come from backgrounds that are all over the spectrum. This also got me thinking about the spate of high school shootings that occurred in the late 1990's, culiminating in (I think) the Columbine tragedy. Or that one had the largest death toll, anyway. It seemed that whenever news of any of those shootings came out, it transpired that the shooters were always alienated kids who were relentlessly bullied by their peers. And when I'd read/hear about this, I'd actually feel a teeny-tiny bit of empathy for these kids. Don't get me wrong--I in no way applaud or condone the actions of any of these killers. It's just that the news reports would trigger memories of my 8th-grade self, and how I hated certain people enough to sometimes harbor homicidal fantasies about them. However, had I actually had access to a gun and gotten to that point (it never went beyond the fantasy stage, of course), I wouldn't have started randomly shooting anyone and everyone in sight; I would just have picked off the ones who were mean to me.
More than that, though, I had suicidal thoughts for the first time that year. Eighth grade was the worst year for me in school; does anyone else here remember that being an especially rough time?

On a happier note: In answer to your question, Starship, ratboy and I were set up by my then-roommate back in 1989! She worked in the same building as he did, and he and I knew each other only by sight. She always saw him alone in the cafeteria reading a book during lunch hour, and she of course knew that's how I liked to spend my downtime. So she boldly went up to him and told him he should ask me out. (My mom has called her a yenta ever since then--LOL.) So he called me, we went on a date, and the rest is history!

Someone else on this thread (sorry, I can't immediately recall offhand who, in order to give proper credit! unsure.gif ) mentioned that since her job requires her to work with a lot of people all day, she needs "alone time" after work to compensate for it. That's my situation, too. My job is very customer/client/public relations-oriented, so I have to be "on" and smiling and talking and outgoing for 8 hours or more, 5 days a week. So when I'm home in the evenings and on weekends, I mostly just want to stay in the house (especially with this awful weather) with Ratboy and our pets and go nowhere and *not* be social at all.

konphusion26
My home is really becoming a hot spot ladies LOL Im not sure if i know how to handle that. I ended up trying to make one on one small talk with a young man in my living room last night. And it turns out, I laugh ALOT when i'm uncomfortable and don't know what to say. Gosh i feel goofy as hell. I'm sure my new friends think i'm retarded or something because all I do is laugh. I decided to open up to one girl on Saturday when she invited me shopping. I told myself, Look Tam, if you don't talk, no one will know anything about you except that you're married and you're 26 LOL So you have to open up. While this is usually fine with me, I felt bad riding in the car with her and not talking. The poor girl didn't know what hit her because I talked her head off while we were cruising around town. We had an awesome time though.
i_am_jan
ratgrl: Welcome, so glad you came...yah, this thread has been great for me. Folks here are understanding and will be strong for you when you need it even though their own situations aren't so fabulous. also, like someone else pointed out, this is a good place for people who never talk, to say something. Wow, we definitely do have some things in common. It's funny. I'm short too. 5'. Was always small, and in a family of amazon women (I have 3 sisters and the tallest is 5'9 like my mom, the shortest is probably 5'7. so yah, what a wonderful feeling being so different in a way that's impossible to hide. Being short seems very threatening to some people, in some way. ? I do remember both 7th and 8th grade being particularly tough. but elementary was too. I had those same reports from teachers telling my parents I was quiet to the point where it was a problem. the goal always seemed to get me to raise my hand, volunteer, share. It's a bit difficult when the other kids have made it clear you better stay in the shadows because coming out to the light will only get you negative attention and gutwrenching emotional pain. Of course, I was supershy to begin with, not driven to talk or be outgoing at all. The one thing I had going for me was that my 2 sisters were 'nerds' too so I didn't feel as compared to them during school years. That must have been so difficult when your sister who was so close in age was able to manage such positive reactions from people~? Oh man. It sounds as though, like me, you just wanted to remain hidden from view of those other kids. So difficult for a person like that to have to go and face thousands of schoolchildren each day. I remember one harsh time when I was in about 4th or 5th grade and the teacher had asked me to pass out papers. As i approached the desk of one of the most popular and beautiful girls, she looked at me so cruel and whispered "get. the *FUCK*. away from my desk." that was an early one that really hurt, I never at that point suspected such a pretty girl who looked so sweet to hate me so much. Also, I never could understand why the kids who had the most going on for them seemed to be the angriest at the lowliest of kids, like me. did we scare them in some way ~ were we a reflection of their biggest fears? I always felt and still do, that I would have been especially nice to a kid who walked around obviously depressed, tortured, didn't have the right clothes to wear, no fancy haircut or anything. But that's not the way it was at all.

Ooh, and the anger! Yes, by the time I was around 7th or 8th grade, I was having thoughts of killing myself. I later had thoughts (and fantastical plans in my head) to kill my abusive mother. Let me just say I know exactly what you're saying about having fantasies of violence against myself and others at school.

You seem like a sweetheart of a person whose been through so much. Glad you're here. Keep talking, people here appreciate the things you have to share.

konph: hmm, ya kind of sound like me in certain situations just during the last couple years...when I actually feel I'm close to 'clicking' with someone, or are having an especially non-difficult time (for me!!) socializing), i find I overcompensate for the fact that I really don't want to open up ~ really don't want to talk a lot ~ and end up talking a ton. Like nervous chatter, non-stop. On those occasions, those people seem very surprised to find out later than I'm an introvert, or even shy. How weird.

does anyone find themselves overcompensating like this? Are people ever surprised to find you're not an outgoing/social person at all?
ratgrl
Overcompensate? Ohhhh yeah...That's the story of my life--my adult life, anyway. It's the only way I've been able to stay employed, for one thing. By pretending to be all perky! and having the time of my life! and smiling! on the job is the way I've managed to stay where I've been for the last 16 years. It's a good job and for what I'm doing, I'm making very good $$$, so I want to keep it that way. I keep myself sane by thinking myself as something of an actress when I go into work every day. After all, if I'd had the guts to really do so, acting's the profession I'd have tried to break into.

And as far as social situations go...same thing. Example: The Christmas before last, Ratboy's brother and his wife, who live in a small town about 20 miles away from us, hosted a big party and invited us. We didn't know most of the people there; they were all local friends of theirs. So I was forced to actually meet new people and have conversations w/ total strangers--yikes!!! Anyway, fast forward to August...8 months later. Ratboy, BIL, and I were hanging out at the local watering hole in said small town, when in came a couple of the people who'd been at that Xmas party. The woman immediately recognized me, came over to our table, and touched me on the arm, and said, "Oh, it's so nice to see you again, Ratgrl! I really enjoyed talking to you at the party back in December!" Now, while I recognized this woman's face, I didn't remember her name or anything else about her. Luckily, I managed to keep my social ineptitude in check enough to "fake it" and say enthusiastically, "Oh, yeah, it's great to see you again, too!" But it felt good in a way. I mean, someone I'd met and talked with briefly actually enjoyed my company? And enough to remember me? Who would have thunk it? blink.gif

I am Jan: I think, in some ways, we must have been separated at birth or something--LOL. I have never met anyone IRL who's experienced such similar childhood social trauma, at the hands of both family and schoolmates. The way that girl treated you in 4th grade is heartbreaking. I, too, have sometimes wondered why it is that the most pretty and popular kids go out of their way to torment the kids who talk or look or are "different" in any way. Perhaps, as you suggest, they do see such "losers" as people they never, ever want to be like, and so they torture the hell out of those kids, in order to validate their own fabulousness and superiority and beauty. I dunno, kids are kids, and some of them will always be shitheads, no matter what country and what generation. It's still no excuse for cruelty, though, especially when it's happening again and again on an ongoing basis. In one of your previous posts, you asked if you thought one could could come through years of bullying unscathed. In my opinion, the answer is no. Even though it's been years--hell, decades--since I went through all of that, it has certainly stayed with me and shaped my psyche to some extent. All the posting I've done on this thread can attest to that. huh.gif

Oh, and one more thing about the anger part, since you (and no doubt others here) clearly experienced that: When I was in 8th grade, the movie "Carrie" was shown on HBO and that's when I got to see it for the first time. Let me tell you, I found it mind-blowing! I found myself thinking, "Wow, if only I could make stuff happen just by thinking about it, how cool would that be?!" I found myself wishing that I could be like Carrie by hoping that, say, Carole Widmayer or Dan Williams would get run over by a Mack truck. Now, let me clarify that I wasn't bullied/tormented to the extent that poor Carrie White was. Nonetheless, if I'd had such telekinetic powers, there really would be several people from my class who wouldn't have lived to see the end of 8th grade--LOL.
i_am_jan
Oh, and one more thing about the anger part, since you (and no doubt others here) clearly experienced that: When I was in 8th grade, the movie "Carrie" was shown on HBO and that's when I got to see it for the first time. Let me tell you, I found it mind-blowing! I found myself thinking, "Wow, if only I could make stuff happen just by thinking about it, how cool would that be?!" I found myself wishing that I could be like Carrie by hoping that, say, Carole Widmayer or Dan Williams would get run over by a Mack truck. Now, let me clarify that I wasn't bullied/tormented to the extent that poor Carrie White was. Nonetheless, if I'd had such telekinetic powers, there really would be several people from my class who wouldn't have lived to see the end of 8th grade--LOL.[/quote]

Bwahahaha, hilarious! 8th grade sounds like it never shoulda happened. Yes, the telekinetic powers would've brought some much needed justice, that story was awesome, I *love!* it laugh.gif

I was curious, did your sister know how you felt? Or did your dad ever ask how YOU felt about things? Just wondering if anyone understood the difficulty you had since you weren't chatty kathy apparently wink.gif


ratgrl
I am Jan: Hmmm, I'd say yes, my sister probably very much knew how I felt. In fact, I believe she could gauge exactly what made me especially vulnerable/would be likely to set me off, and would run with that. She was always a smart person, she was. Have I dredged up a lot of bitter memories with her in our adult years? Not really. For one thing, we really do get along as adults, and genuinely have fun together. She lives in another country, across the pond, so I get to see her, at most, once a year. And she has 2 daughters whom I absolutely adore, so I certainly wouldn't want to become estranged from her partially for that reason. Also, a little over three years ago, Ratboy's youngest brother died of cancer, and that really shook me up--it made me think of how much it would hurt if something happened to her, since she is, after all, my only sibling. Bottom line: I've forgiven her for what she did all those years ago, but I will never, ever, forget!

What about you, with your uber-social older brother, "Nelson?" He sounds like a real piece of work in the way he treated you! How is your relationship with him today (if you even have one)? And how about your mom, since she was so abusive to you? How are things today in that regard?

As for my dad: He's had lots of therapy in the last 20 years, and he and my mom are long divorced and remarried to other people, so family dynamics are a lot different now. He lives in another state now, so I don't see him very often, either. But once when I was visiting him, about a decade ago, we went on a long walk together, and somehow "the past" came up. Some things were rehashed--really just the tip of the iceberg--but he basically acknowledged that he'd fucked up in a lot of ways and literally apologized for his past cruelty to me. So, I do give him props for that. Although--I'm sure if he knew what my social life was like --or isn't like--today, he'd be in despair about it! But guess what--I'm not! And that's what really matters, yes?! wink.gif

hellotampon
QUOTE(ratgrl @ Jan 28 2008, 07:11 PM) *
It sounds like many of you, like me, have been led to believe that being shy/introverted/having loner tendencies are character flaws. They are not; that's just the way some people are.


I'm finally going to jump into this thread. I can't tell you how many times my mother has made me feel like shit for being an introvert. When I called her on it she said she didn't know what I was talking about; that she never said it was bad. But it's the way she says it, and the fact that she has to bring it up constantly that makes me feel like it's something to be ashamed of. I'm getting pissed off just thinking of her saying it right now.
i_am_jan
hellotampon: unbelievable: sounds familiar. yah, it's like "sorry I am a completely different human being than what you'd like, and that you're disappointed...hmm I wonder why i feel like withdrawing and crawling deep inside myself right now" ohmy.gif

Ratgirl: I think it's great you've been able to forgive people. it really says a lot about the person you became through everything? I too do my best to forgive...and forgetting is the hard part. Nelson is still Nelson. I get along with Nelson when I see Nelson on Thanksgiving and Christmas but I still lay low. Now that all the kids are gone from the house, my mom is now abusing my retired father. So unfortunately, patterns still repeat in our family due to the culture and so certain things still come up and are remembered when you see certain things happen.

But i've learned to focus on my life. Maybe my lifestyle is sort of a retreat for me? But I remember to enjoy life and I've slowly figured out how to do that. I love my music, hobbies, and a couple of close people in my life are better for me than the tons of false relationships i might otherwise have if I were less introverted. Wow, I really enjoyed hearing your perspective on all this. you seem cool & funny rolleyes.gif

Funny tidbit: "Hermits" misunderstood in pop culture~! Ha ha. Was watching old cartoons last night, Bugs Bunny came on. (Was playing guitar so not paying close attention to the plot or dialogue) until they mentioned going to see the "hermit on the hill." so bugs and Daffy go to the hermit's house and are there on some sort of zany mission that they're keeping hidden from hermit. Anyway, they knock on his door and this little old creepy dude answers (gray hair, humpback, few teeth, dressed in rags), and he's so glad to see other life forms that he almost breaks into tears. He invites them in immediately and sits them down at the table, insists on cooking a huge dinner for them and begins to do so in the kitchen...bla, bla, he's the most grateful host ever...they finish business and go to leave and he begs them not to, crying, screaming, chases them out the door and down the hill and the credit start to roll. HAHA laugh.gif
knorl05
once again, after reading these posts, i am fascinated by your stories. for a few reasons. mainly, the empathy! another, the insight and perspective i am learning. i think it's cool that i can feel like i know you busties so well without ever meeting you IRL.

gohd i hate devulging tmi on these boards... i'm allured by all the poignant and interesting tales.

... leaving high school i guess i kinda felt damaged. it only got worse my college years, because thats around the time that everyone is insecure and sizing everyone else up.. cool vs not. in vs out. normal vs weird. etc. shit, that's why so many people run to frats and sororitys to guarantee that they'll have friends, even if they have to buy them. dropped out of college but still continued to party. i eventually came to realize, i was an outcast. i had long since left my nerdy days behind, and i couldnt find much in common with my party friends, so i became this quasi popular messed up social loner bartender chic. did a bunch of volunteer work, voluntarily, and diverged into the underground scene. good times. but all good things must come to an end.. and so now i find myself here.

it's taken me a while, but i've finally figured out.. if we know who we are, what others think about who we are is meaningless. when we surround ourselves with peeps who are like us, do what we love to do, and all is good. there really is nothing wrong with us.

so sorry to all the (((busties))) who have had to deal with overt prejudice and isolation from the world. far too many times in my late teenage/early adult years (and still now sometimes), i have known exactly how that feels. it amazes me that some people really can have no manners or respect for others, especially toward those who are differentshyuniqueunusualinsecure. i do think it is a power struggle thing: if i reject/put this person down, it will make me feel powerful and look better to everyone else. they're just as scared as we are, thing is, they can hide it better with their perfect hair, designer clothes, fake sentiments, and latest thing that everyone has to have or know about.

i wouldnt change the dynamic for anything, including the emotional pain it's taken to get here.

ps i am jan~great observation! i hadnt thought of that before... yes, hermits are depicted as these pathetic, miserable, miserly, nasty looking folk. sheesh!
konphusion26
Girl high school was the WORST. Especially my senior year. I just wanted to DIE. I really was like a social OGRE with bad skin, bad hair, a super strict mother and bad clothes. But I was popular with the boys for some reason LOL Females hated me. I used to get alot of evil glares and stares from them all the time. So that even further made me retract into a shell cuz i wanted to have friends and be liked. It didnt so much work. College was about the same for me Knorl! I tell you, we all must be soul mates LOL
dusty
So I'm in my mid-40s, right?

Recently, my high school put together an alumni website and you can see my classmates signing up and adding their profiles daily.

I got a message from the website the other day asking if I would approve a friend who was adding me as a 'connection'. I said yes, didn't think much of it, then when I was looking at someone else's high school photos on her profile, I noticed that she had a dozen or more connections.

I had a moment of feeling like someone had punched me in the stomach, ohmygod she has more friends than me, and then I thought, whose fucking stupid idea was it to add connections? No-one, I mean, no-one wants to go back down that road.

Once I realized how stupid it was, I told Mr. Dusty and we laughed and laughed.

obelix2
Dusty- that's one of the reasons why I quit the Facebook/Myspace/Friendster scene. I started freaking out that I only had 12 friends, and certainly you have to have at least 20 for people to not think you're lame!

Wow, all of you with outgoing parents are really educating me. I've spent years wishing that my parents had pushed me to be more social. They're very much introverts, and I lived in a home where the only thing that mattered were grades. Socializing, sports, looks, popularity, even just fitting in -- all of that was looked down on. I remembered desperately wanting to try makeup, because it seemed like you had to wear it to be popular, but my parents mocked any women who wore makeup. They never forbade me, but I knew it was wrong.

Maybe I would have turned out more social if I'd had extroverted parents. But maybe I would have ended up just like I am, with the difference that I felt not accepted by my family.
i_am_jan
knorl: so cool to find out how you got here. these stories are really interesting! It seems some here are simply introverted, they enjoy other people, but on their own terms and at a minimum. Others here were deemed too warped to play with and sent to the island of the misfit toys long ago. Some of us are mistrustful and standoffish of people as a result of overly critical parenting. And some of us are combos. (would you like some social anxiety to go with that nerdiness? can I supersize that 'dislike' of other people for you today?) so it sounds like you took the 'party' route to being socially acceptable for a while? then realized it wasn't for you. I'm glad. After all, how is a nerdy girl supposed to read lots of books before bedtime if she's wasted? Occupational hazard.

Dusty: OMGosh, that is highlarious!! to think there are still people trying to get popular...bwaha...BWAHA!! I never thought of that before.

Yah, that's why I found the hermit cartoon so funny. I mean, being a hermit myself, I found the ratty clothes and the messy hair accurate, but on this hill, no one answers the phone or the door when a rabbit and a duck come calling mad.gif laugh.gif
ratgrl
QUOTE(obelix2 @ Jan 31 2008, 12:55 AM) *
Dusty- that's one of the reasons why I quit the Facebook/Myspace/Friendster scene. I started freaking out that I only had 12 friends, and certainly you have to have at least 20 for people to not think you're lame!

Wow, all of you with outgoing parents are really educating me. I've spent years wishing that my parents had pushed me to be more social. They're very much introverts, and I lived in a home where the only thing that mattered were grades. Socializing, sports, looks, popularity, even just fitting in -- all of that was looked down on. I remembered desperately wanting to try makeup, because it seemed like you had to wear it to be popular, but my parents mocked any women who wore makeup. They never forbade me, but I knew it was wrong.

Maybe I would have turned out more social if I'd had extroverted parents. But maybe I would have ended up just like I am, with the difference that I felt not accepted by my family.


Obelix2: Believe me, I had *very* extroverted parents my entire life. But here I sit, lifelong socially inept dorkus maximus, and I indeed grew up feeling that they found me very unacceptable.

And it wasn't just the social thing either. They wanted me to be to be a status symbol: social (lots of friends, and the "right" (code: educated and affluent) kinds of friends, at that; academic: straight A's: an occasional B was acceptable, but a C or less? The horror!; physical (code: thin, beautiful, like a Barbie-doll--that was my dad's ideal of how a woman should look, i.e. boobs on a stick). So I was expected to be all those things, and in college, I finally cracked under the pressure of it all: I overate to the point of becoming 30 pounds overweight; my grades sucked, etc. It wasn't until I was completely out from under my parents' thumb that things started to turn around for the better for me.

I find that hermit stereotype hilarious, as it the total antithesis of me! When the phone rings, I ALWAYS check the Caller ID, and depending on who's calling, I'll answer...or not. And as far as surprise visitors to the house are concerned--they're not welcome. If I'm not expecting them to the house, I don't answer the door when the bell rings; I just furtively hide behind a window they can't see and wait till they're gone. Usually it's just some Jehovah Witness or someone trying to get money from me for some scam or lame petition or another. Whatever the case, I *don't* like having my peace and quiet interrupted by the unexpected rude, loud ringing of the doorbell, ya know? tongue.gif
dusty
Oh, I never really thought of Facebook that way. Probably because I accidentally invited everyone in my address book to be my friend, so a bunch of people I seriously *don't know, never met, emailed once, bought something from them* accepted my request. Since most of the people I'm friends with use it for political networking, it doesn't seem like a popularity contest to me. There is one guy who asked to be my friend, I swear I never met, I'm sure he invited me because I'm a friend of Mike's and active in the labour movement. So, to me, its like I don't think that way anymore, but in the high school context...

When I was quite young, my mother would push me to do stuff like talk to people or ask for things that she was too shy to do, which I thought was beyond unfair. Most people thought she was really outgoing and charming and stuff, but her kids mostly saw the side of her that was tormented with self-doubt.

I just wanted to say that when Minx said that most everyone in OK had met IRL, I hope it wouldn't discourage anyone from joining in. I have met many Kvetchies, but I do think that what you see is pretty much what you get, its not like there is this secret society going on by phone or in person, and I imagine its the same in OK.
knorl05
i hate facebook and myspace and such. i guess i just dont see the point of advertising myself to people i didnt care to keep in touch with in the first place. but that's just my cynical view of them. i can see that yay, i have the opportunity to get back in touch with soandso... i've just found (post myspace), not much has changed and i actually have less in common with them now than i did then. i can further see it great for meeting new people, being exposed to new music, etcetcetc, i've just grown tired of the idea. blaaaa.

happy day today. how is everyone else?
dusty
Well, as I said, I don't use Facebook for that, it has a very practical purpose.

I get tired of being bombarded with new applications and glorified chain mail.
i_am_jan
All this high school talk has inspired me to re-view "Romy & Michelle's High School Reunion" - one of my fave comedy flicks, as I grew up in the 80s too smile.gif~ It's second only to "Carrie" as my fave teen flick ever.

Hey knorl! (wave ~ ~) wink.gif

...actually there's been a plot twist. Dare I say a turn for the worst. I am scheduled for 2 nights of back to back high-energy social action this weekend. this of course means that there are 2 occasions that I absolutely cannot get out of. Tonight I'm supposed to go to a "fundraiser" (my kid sister has a kid who joined a traveling basketball team ~ but apparently the parents don't actually have the dough to pay for it ~ ? ~ and so the "fundraiser" takes place at this bar. Yeah. The bar owners have agreed to give the team half of the bar tab. (child sports and beerdrinking, what a winning combo (sounds suspicious to me but we'll not venture there). so, my neph is the coolest kid, he doesn't have a dad, blahblah...I'm going to do my part. i'm going out drinking to improve the lives of the children.

then, tomorrow night, one of my only 2 good longterm friends is having peeps get together at Shadowbox Cabaret, it's her birthday. This is at least something I'd be interested in seeing. At least it's something to DO while you drink. I've always wanted to go there and see a show. (It's knowing what inevitably happens AFTER the show that has me worried...you just KNOW it's going to be another bar), she has several friends coming I've never met. Yippee.

the anxiety has already started to build now that it's come down to the very day, ya know? Like, I didn't want to get out of bed this a.m....slept a bit longer...first thing on my mind of course was the partying before I even got up...it's funny: you know, the part I actually dread worst nowadays is the anxiety itself. LIke, the feeling in the stomach, the twitch in the lip, the nervous look on my face, the others' reactions to that...my body selling me out (I thought we were cool?) when I'm really TRYING to enjoy. Bah, this is usually where I make a phone call and bail on the plans but again, can't do it this time.

What's everybody else got going on?
starship
hi all!
IamJan- i know exactly what you mean about the anxiety thing. I'm actually comfortable being unsociable etc and not too bothered about changing anymore but the anxiety drives me insane! im such a nervous person. I worry over anything and everything. It doenst even have to be a party or something, even if im just walking down to the shops I'll start worrying- what if i bump into so&so or someone i knew from school, what will i say etc etc. I also tend to have a naturally nervous looking face if thats possible:/. Even if Im not anxious i'm sure that i look that way or my body language gives off that impression (probably because Im anxious so often). I think it makes people feel a bit nervous too and perhaps makes me a little unapproachable- which is the last thing a shy person needs lol. Anyway, good luck & let us know how it all goes!
I went shopping with a friend today. I prefer things like this because you're actually doing something, which makes conversation easier and silences less obvious. Much more easy going than say a bar where you have nothing but shouting conversation over music to do. The past week has been quite good in general actually smile.gif. After one day of meeting quite a few people and socialising a fair amount i have to admit the next day I didn't go out at all- and enjoyed every minute! It's almost as though I have to recuperate haha. But I'm realising there's nothing wrong with this and if I enjoy time alone then I don't see why I should push myself to change or feel like a weirdo. I keep a balance so what does it matter. It's only recently I've started to accept my ways and not be so bothered about what other people think. I've cried in the past many times about hurtful (but not spiteful) comments from my family but I've given in trying to be what other people think I should be now- and it feels great biggrin.gif
Does/did anyone else have quite protective mothers too? Mine would make comments about how I should go out more and how its 'not normal for a girl my age' and yet when i did go out she'd make a bit of a fuss and say i shouldnt come back so late when its not even dark or question me about where ive been/who with etc etc. It kind of put me off in a way because by the end I'd just be like ah is it worth it.
I used to have people who i didn't particularly like on myspace but one day just thought how ridiculous it was and how pathetic all these people are trying to impress the world and his brother with dazzling witty 'about me' sections. So i thought sod them and deleted the lot. I've been tempted to join facebook because practically everyone I know has it and I know almost everyone Ive ever met probably will too so it may be kind of interesting. But, to be honest, I really cant be bothered....
ratgrl- I'm really looking forward to getting into it! Most of the lectures so far have been introductory stuff and the history behind it all but it's starting to get interesting now. It's only a small module of my whole degree but I'm actually now thinking of going into psychology somehow after i graduate. I find it fascinating.
Sorry that this post is a bit sketchy and all over the place..haven't had the internet for a while so just wanted to pop in. It's hard to read all your posts without feeling the desire to respond with a mini autobiography
anna k
I went to a dance performance Saturday night. It was really good. It was like watching animals being born, discovering their bodies, and playing with each other.

I was feeling down tonight, feeling like an anonymous loser with no real job and few close friends. I talked to my mom, and she helped me, telling me that I get too hard on myself, and to get involved more in writing workshops and writers' meetups, as well as finding a good job counselor so I could find work in the publishing industry. I want a decent job with health insurance so I can save money and someday go to the places I'm interested in. I felt mad for feeling lonely and feeling like I hadn't changed, still introverted and mad at things that I've had to work at have come easily for others (friendships, job connections). I just don't want to put myself down and keep positive about my life instead of breaking down and crying "Why me?!" and wanting to scream.

I wrote up reviews of the dance performance, as well as seeing Martha Wainwright perform, and sent them off to some publications. I haven't written anything creative in awhile, and wanting to do it to get new work out and feel creative, since writing is my main talent.
konphusion26
I was invited to a baby shower of one my college friends for this weekend. GAHHHH I should have declined. I know there will be lots of stuck up model type women there with their perfect hair, perfect clothes, and perfect skin. Damn them all LOL Just kidding. I saw two of the girls who'll be attending at Walmart on Saturday morning... Luckily they didnt recognize me or pay me any attention. Here i was with a scarf on my head, dusty old grey sweats and they're looking like they stepped off a run way at 10 am. WTF! I don't usually compare myself to anyone. Here lately though, I've been hanging around a bunch of ladies that are younger than me; they're always looking nice and polished with their heels and makeup and blahh, I feel like a frumpy lump of oldness with granny shoes! Geez... i guess my self esteem has gone down the tubes the last few months.

I engaged in a lil retail therapy today and bought a pretty cream colored v-neck sweater/tunic and some nice (low) round toe heels to wear to the baby shower. Maybe this will keep me from feeling TOO out of place there in supermodel land. Most of the women that will be there were in the modeling troupe at my school when I was in college. And of course you know how those type of women are, they look down their noses at dorks like me. So they probably have no clue who i am anyway. Which is a good thing. I'd prefer to stay anonymous.

Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers ladies. Hopefully I wont have a panic/anxiety attack while i'm there. I don't really know how many people will be attending. You know i'll find a corner somewhere and stay in it the entire time. LOLLLL GOSH!
obelix2
Good luck, Konphusion! But please know that there are so many of us out there who would rather hang out with a person like you at a party, instead of them.

I used to be so afraid of exactly the type of girl you're talking about. But now I'm (usually) able to squelch it with pity for them. They must spend so much time on their hair, their clothes, everything superficial! Think where they could get in life if they'd use that time for something productive.
anna k
I attended another meetup group tonight, for cult classic films. Only two other people showed up, and it was nice to spend an hour talking about movies and sharing information. The man was in his forties and the girl was about my age, but seemed immature, like just out of her teens. I will probably return again since I was a big movie buff as a teen and have a lot of encloypediac knowledge in my head. I'm also going to a book reading at Barnes & Noble tomorrow.
knorl05
hey lovies. so i been out of commission as of late.... must update myself on the musings in this thread. hope all is well. lovehugskisseswarmwishes to you all.
i_am_jan
Hey everyone...hope things are going good with everybody. I just wanted to check in...

the weekend was alright. ahem, Friday night I ended up cancelling. But I wouldn't have had it not been for rain all evening, turned to snow about an hour before I left the house. I do NOT drive out on the freeway & across town to drink in that type of weather. I just am not going to tempt fate like that.

Saturday, I went to the dinner theater as planned with b-day girlfriend. wow, the dinner theater was amazing! It turned out to be a parody of relationships and 'love' in the current age. VERY dark. Very profound. Sad & sort of scary? Yet hilarious. In between the acts, they would perform rock songs from pop culture with themes of love, desire, loneliness, emptiness and you'd just sort of rockout for a second and let the previous act's events sink in. So I felt closer to peeps than usual because enjoying a show is more 'me in my element' than standing around in a corner with a beer. I did have a couple drinks, paced myself, I believe I've spoken of the hazards of me drinking in a social occasion (overindulgence, overcompensation, etc.). so I didn't act too stupid.

Afterward, we went back to g-friends house (not a bar! yay!) so I'm pretty comfy there, have hung out there plenty. But it never fails: halfway through the evening, one of the people I know semi-well told me I look 'nervous.' Gah! I hate that shite! i just wish I could die and be born again with a regular, relaxed, freaking face and demeanor. of course, the sad part is: I was feeling relatively comfortable. At least this time no one asked me if I'm mad. that's the one I really hate. apparently, my relaxed face settles into an expression of being mad. Nice. gotta loooooove that. Always some schmuck to point it out too.

starship: I guess you're in good (?) company with the telltale heart body language. Honestly though, I'm glad I'm not the only person who has this happen to her, that would suck even worse! Also, I can identify with the overprotective mother. In fact she alternated between being overly protective and completely ignoring me, if that sounds familiar. anywho, your post was interesting. We love mini-autobiographies here they're right up our alley for shizzy,.

Dusty: I am reading that book, Intimacy & Solitude. whoa. there is some radical shite here. There is definitely some stuff for me here. Material that is challenging to my perspective. I feel a transformation coming on. Really glad to have been pointed in the direction of this book. (The whole gender thing, whoa. It also helped me to understand that I seem anxious in social situations ~ because I am anxious with myself. My general demeanor is anxious and uncomfortable. I just don't even notice it until someone points it out to me.)

Right now, I'm feeling like ~ I just want to be relaxed. i don't care if I'm introverted. I like being introverted because it involves all of my hobbies and art & stuff. But I just SOO want to be comfortable. Ugh, and I don't want to take drugs.

anna: glad you haven't given up on feeling better yet. Keep going.

Is anything happening with anyone else?
obelix2
i_am_jan - I completely understand the face thing! In a meeting yesterday, I was listening intently to a discussion that involved possible training in my future, and the boss at one point (who I was looking at) said "I can tell you already don't like this idea." Wha?!? I was listening! Am I supposed to have a shit-eating grin on my face at all times to prove that I'm not angry? This has happed quite a few times to me in meetings, but normally afterwards, when somebody pulled me aside to ask what made me so mad. One time I said "No, I wasn't mad. I was just worried about the wrinkles I'll get if I smile too much."

Pretty slow on the social front for me. I've been a little sick. There's a work party that I've decided to not attend next friday. I like all of the invitees, but it'll be hosted by a woman I absolutely hate. She's loud, forcefully outgoing, bossy, and she demands that all attention be directed at her at all times. I simply can't deal with her. And I feel that I'd be encouraging her behavior by going to her party.
starship
Looks like another thing that we all have in common. I tend to get asked if I'm OK alot because i usually look nervous and when I'm relaxed my face looks kinda miserable I think. Can't really win. We have so many traits and experiences in common it's almost as though we're a lil' species of our own...
I've been too busy with assignments etc to have much time for socialising since last saturday anyway. I've got some free time coming up though and any suggestions of new things I could try would be appreciated?? A friend recommended a good jazz bar which I may try as its the sort of thing ive always thought sounded great but I've never acually been to one. Before coming to university I never really had the chance to mix with different types of people- the majority of my friends had the same backgrounds & went to the same type of places. But anyway, now I'm determined to try some new things. Something a little more cultural than a local pub/bar.
also, I may be going to a 70's themed roller disco...sounds silly, i know, but quite fun too. Everyone will be too busy dancing/giggling at costumes/trying to stay upright, so there shouldn't be much opportunity for any awkwardness. and if there is I've already planned my getaway. Which consists of just kind of rolling away into the horizon as if I no longer have control of my feet...I think I'm almost looking forward to it (shock horror)
I'm exactly the same once again, IamJan..Im not bothered about being loud or extrovert or even confident but i wish I could just walk out of my front door and be amongst other human beings without dissolving into a quivering wreck. Is that really so much to ask...
konphusion26
Hi Lovelies!!

Guess what??? The younger ladies that I've been spending time with invited me to go out dancing with them Tonite!!! Its a little bar that plays nothing but 80's and 90's music. HOW COOL!! So i have to get all cute with them lol I'm really loving this being able to go out with people who i'm comfortable around. We've got several other girl dates planned too. They keep me feeling young. LOL I just hope that I dont break my neck out there trying to keep up with the youngones!! HAHAHA WOOHOOO!!!!
hellotampon
"At least this time no one asked me if I'm mad. that's the one I really hate. apparently, my relaxed face settles into an expression of being mad. Nice. gotta loooooove that. Always some schmuck to point it out too."

My boyfriend pissed me off the other day because I showed him a picture of this girl I know who always looks pissed off, and I asked him about it, because I'm pretty sure I look like that too. And he was like, "well if she would just smile..." I HAAATE when people order me to smile. It's always men. And I've never heard anyone tell a man to smile pretty. I was like, "so I'm supposed to force my face into a happy expression all the time?" According to him, yes, and he does it too. Thank god I don't have to deal with the fucking public anymore.
i_am_jan
I wish I had a penny for every time someone: asks me if I'm pist off/upset/nervous/okay, then immediately follows that up with "you're so PRETTY *when you smile*."

obelix: the bossy person sounds like a drag...did you go to the "party"

hope everyone else's weekend is going well. I have to go to a church social today with my mom and her fundies, ouch, it hurts, I've declined an actual church invitation 3 times in a row so she was mad at me. so she's manipulated me through anger to finally go to something.
ginger_kitty
The hubby and I made plans the other day to see a movie with a couple that we are friends with, and it seemed so complicated! The girl didn't want to see the movie we wanted to see, and her boyfriend and her don't like any of the same movies, so there was this huge debate about what to see and when to meet.....I think I prefer just going with my hubby. Then another couple we know, a co-worker of my husband's and his wife, have been loosely planning to stop by to hang out sometime, but they are really vague and kept standing up. So that kind of suck, but on the other hand my Mr. tells me everything the guy says about his wife, and they aren't the most happily married people ever, so when we do hang out I usually feel awkward b/c I know too much about thier personal affairs, but I don't know them well enough to actually discuss that stuff w/ them.

I think this year will turn out to be one of my less social years.

konphusion26 & and i am jan, hope you ladies have fun!

Ditto on the forced smiling hatred. If I am not smiling, I am not neccesarily unhappy. I have taken to giving big over the top, toothy, fake smiles when ever anyone says smile.
konphusion26
Oh my gosh!! I had a ball out there dancing with those chickies!! LOL it was quite hilarious. BUT MY FEET HURT SO BAD, i wore the wrong shoes to be dancing in. I was trying to be cute and keep up with the hotties lol. I went to the baby shower today and to my surprise... the model chicks didnt show!!!! YEEEHAW. I had a pretty good time with the girls I rode with. i was still kinda uncomfortable with small talk though. I guess people thought I was stuck up cuz i wasnt saying much. I talked to my pregnant friend, she looks gorgeous with her baby belly all poked out. It was a good time.
anna k
That is so fabolous to hear, konphusion!
i_am_jan
Yes konfusion wonderful, great! (esp. since you thought the models were going to be there, but worked yourself up to going ANYWAY.)

If only we could all work through our problems so well...but i guess that's why they're problems right? Because there really are no generic solutions that fit us all across the board just the same? alas though we try...if only what would work for one or two of us would work for everybody. Then we could all just get up and abandon this dreadful thread.

For real though i need to come here and bitch some as I work through my probs.

Just saying hi, hope everyone is well. I'm just going through cycles of better and worse, reading up on my issues, trying to figure out what might help, as usual. It's not always easy when there are issues like depression keeping some from trying the things we'd like, but we do try though don't we. I mean, simply coming here, acknowledging you have a problem and being uncomfortable with that is a gigantic step forward for some people. And then of course there are also those of us who just plain out don't *like* being around other people, or coming out socially all the time. so we sit around up in here sometimes instead.

konfusion: one more thing: if you get one of those gigantic blood blisters on your foot, the thing to do is to soak it as much as you can in a warm bath. That will dry it up way faster than if you don't soak it at all...I used to get those all the time from a pair of rollerblades and they su-UCK. wink.gif
konphusion26
Aww thanks for the encouragement ladies! I think my angst comes from me working myself up before I actually go through the situation. LOL It usually turns out pretty good once I get out there and do it. I_am_jan, no blisters (thank God) but my toes were kinda numb the next day. I don't know what thats all about. We're planning on another outing soon! I'll be wearing flats!

OH BY THE WAY, I've just been volunteered (haha) to be a bridesmaid in a friend's wedding.. YIKES!!! I've never been in a wedding before. this is all all new territory for me. AND I'm the oldest bridesmaid in the party. We did our initial fittings today (I was one of the odd balls that couldnt find a proper fitting dress or style that suited me!). We ultimately had to decide on another shop to make it in time for the wedding date. GEEZ.... **nail biting**

I'm hoping that things will start looking up for everyone - I feel like this is our year to shine! Get out there and have some fun ladies!

knorl05
hi girlies~ ironic that i've been feeling socially withdrawn in the socially inept thread huh? been lurkin but havent felt i've got much to contribute as of late. my brain's been all introverted on this tip because i've just started a new job and need to convince myself i'm a social creature. whats awesome about the job is that its data entry and so most of my communication is with a computer. shit that sounds sad. but its cool. when i do talk to peeps they alright i'm just glad the basis of this position isnt to be all outgoing and responsive.

i am jan: i can totally relate to the expression = anger/depression/upset thing. women usually ask me if i'm ok (or have assumed i am a bitch or snobby) and men usually either say, "smile, it's not that bad" or something along those lines. i automatically give a very forced or contrived smile (same as ginger) just to suppress them and their intentions. it usually works and half the time they dont even realize i'm being a smartass because it's usually strangers who say that stuff to me. if it's people i know or coworkers or something i'll usually just disregard their comments and tell them i was in thought, but all is ok:) i have this friend who uses the term "FINE" - as in, i'm fine.. which really means: Frustrated Insecure Neurotic and Emotional. ha. sooo...how'd the church social go?
obe: hope you're feeling better, did you make it to the party?
starship: "as though we're a lil' species of our own..." i love that! wink.gif did you have fun @the roller disco? it sounds like it'd be a good time. also if you want to get into more culturally social events you should look for flyers around coffee houses, independent clothing shops, etc usually they know of all the good stuff going on. also i've found most 'major' cities usually have their own free zine that lets people know of different events to get involved in.. or campus' too. oh and i know detroit free press has a section that is specifically for the arts with a ton of stuff to do, so maybe check the newspaper?
kon: yes yes! congratulations on facing your social fears and doing something that turned out to be fun! thats awesome that youre hanging out with the youngins because i'm sure their fun attitude will be contagious.smile.gif
dusty
Guys who tell you to smile, its not that bad are being assholes. End of story.
i_am_jan
Hey knorl, whatsup...

so it's good to hear you've got some data entry action goinon... wink.gif

Yes, it's nice to hear they weren't looking for Ms. Pleased As Punch to fill the position. (Shoot, it could be worse...remember how ratgirl said she gets through her job literally by ACTING?) It sounds like you've put your best foot forward though and I hope it works out good.

Wish I could say something positive about the church social? Actually, I can...it was a good opportunity to practice my guitar and gospel hymn singing? For real though, 2 of my aunts were there who HATE me. They're my mom's sisters so you can imagine how pleasant they must be. Both are very bitter and angry that I've never had kids and had a husband leave me and I'm not poor (actually I am) and on public assistance like their miserable arses. You'd think I was britney spears or something the way they glare at me, make snide comments straight to my face...I'm apparently scandalous, even though they actually have *no clue* who I am or what my life is about.

I swear I know I sound paranoid half the time, but this truly is my family. And once again, I know I give off some sort of negative energy that really brings out the best in people, that and the fact that I'm standoffish with them makes it partly my fault, heh. I wouldn't even care if it weren't for the fact that I really tried to see the best in the whole thing & have a good attitude, I really did, cuz I know part of this could be my fault, but once again, somebody had to frack with me. Or maybe i just have buttons everyplace so it's hard not to press one? Oh well, keep striving for improvement, I say ohmy.gif

(I know, complain, complain...) Hope everybody else is doing good?
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