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knorl05
nothing more for now than, i love you ladies. wonder how we'd do if we all hung with eachother IRL. wink.gif i think we'd prolly have a ton to talk about and share with one another, sans judgment. i know of my introverted friends, we always end up having the most worthwhile conversations and time spent together. makes everything make sense.

oh but also, just wanted to share this amazing music i discovered recently: www.myspace.com/matmos1 >>MATMOS:
awesem experimental electronica... their performance the other night was beyond mind blowing. it was such a rich experience in itself to hear them live, to see them perform, and to connect with them via their art. wow.
anna k
Thanks, knorl. I liked their sound, especially the Bo Diddley one. I'm at work, so I couldn't listen to a lot, but I liked their style.
persimmon_grrrl
anna k: i totally hear you! I support you in applying for those inspiring jobs that you actually care about, and by which you feel challenged.

this morning, i felt really proud of myself because i applied for a job, and it was a really good feeling. i realize that i can stay somewhere and also have options within that somewhere, especially since i am always seeking to put down roots somewhere, like a big tree...

so, i feel like a dork sometimes, because lately i've been spending most of my weekends chilling with myself, and sometimes i've felt lonely, and other times it has felt reassuring. as far as the Myers Briggs type, I usually teeter between ENFJ and INFJ.

this past saturday, though, i hung out with two new friends and went to a live music show and got to dance and chat. it was hella fun, and something i haven't done in a very long time. i love meeting new people and i felt really safe and comfortable around these two folks. it's hard to find people who are *not* into drinking, and as someone who doesn't drink, bars=boredom.

so, we'll see where this goes, and i am just open to new friends, and also to creating a life that is conscious and not just out of survival mode.

i hope everyone has a really good, encouraging, eye-opening day,
pg
i_am_jan
Well, here it is almost August...the summer is quickly passing by with me not having any social contact at all since early June. Just as I was getting into going out to see bands at local clubs, there stopped being any bands that I knew. And the caveat to the going out to see music plan was that if it was a band I knew...then I'd know what sort of other people to expect, you know, just because I'd seen those same folks out at tons of their other shows even though I hadn't talked to anyone. So, I sort of fell out of the social scene again. Funny how ya slip through the cracks.

I suppose it's been a good summer though...I've had lots of fun cycling along the streets and bike paths, walking around and junk. Hehe, I've read about 5 or 6 totally great books, some really funny...spent some good times with my mom and dad...niece and nephew. (haven't even been to one cookout though?...was thinking about that earlier, it's actually pretty weird)

Anyway, I was thinking tonight about how the show "Sex and the City" is totally a fantasy show for me. Not because I love expensive clothing, shoes, etc., (although I do enjoy good food and entertainment and the exciting thought of hanging out with New York City)...but it's the social aspect of the show that I totally escape into. I love to imagine myself having several fabulous friends, a gay best friend, sweet career writing a sex column, meeting different people all the time, hosting a party at my apt. where every invitee brings another friend of theirs, and so everybody meets one anothers' friends and everyone eats out after work at a super fab restaurant with cocktails...also going out with different men and having sex !

Also, I enjoy thinking of just how easy it would actually be to start a life like that...(maybe just get more positive about pop culture/music, really take a shot at meeting as many people as you could, having people over to your apartment, making socializing with others a top priority like very social people do...it's like, I know I could *do* it...it's really sort of a "role" many people seem to play, actually, it seems like...just love to ponder all of that...wonder if I'll ever want to take a stab at something like that..

anyway, I think the show is actually pretty honest about the whole social thing, too and I can respect that...like, those girls actually get rejected a lot, broken up with, as they do always put themselves "out there" socially. But they keep trying, picking themselves up and going again at relationships/friendships, etc., putting out a lots of effort. Talk about fantasy.

Anyway, I also love how Carrie and Miranda are so cynical. And I totally identify with parts of each girl on that show. Anyway, I know the show annoys the heck out of some people so I don't mean to gush about SATC here. I have seen each episode about 16 times though. (haven't seen the movie yet...the movies no longer enjoy my economic vote, the library will have it soon.)

((((((everyone)))))))

persimmongirl: *thank you*. ... for a bit of inspiration. I'm glad I read (actually a couple) of your posts today. Also, good luck with the job, I'm glad you made that first step : )
knorl05
love how we all seem to have the same interests: music, art, books, etc... creative pursuits that we can do alone if need be.

anna k: glad you liked the music. wink.gif oh and i send you much virtual love, support, and respect for the struggles you've had in life. you've accomplished a lot with yourself whether or not you realize it. try not to look at the quality of your life by social norms/expectations ("I've felt frustrated about not having a ton of friends, not having a successful career, and feeling like everything in my life is work.")... a good friend once said to me, 'it matters who you are, not what you do.' and that's true. we all work for essentially the same reasons, if we are lucky enough to land a dream job, we're ahead of the game. continue to follow your passion, your interests, and the things you love.. at 25 it's natural to be uncertain as to the direction of your life, just stay focused on the good of your life and attempt to create more of the same. you've got a lot going for you, and i think it's important you realize that.

persimmon_grrrl: this here... "and i am just open to new friends, and also to creating a life that is conscious and not just out of survival mode." LOVE it. that's the thing i'm highly concerned with too, not living just to live. you know, i always try to make sure that i find some sort of meaning or purpose to most things i do. i think it's good to keep that intention in mind.

i_am_jan: i am one who has a pretty heavy disdain for the show. but it's not the show itself that i hate, it's all the girly hype that goes along with it. the consumer mentality... of the "gotta haves". i like the reasons you like it though. something to strive for: a more social and connected lifestyle. and you are completely right on that you could have it if you put yourself out there. i'm not so sure how other socially unique busties feel about the law of attraction, but i've found it to be pretty right on. i think most of us maybe feel that extending ourselves is somehow a huge endeavor, that we're supposed to be this that or the other, in order to actually be a social creature. and that's simply not true. last night i met up with one of my favorite friends who's in town on tour with his band. i hadnt seen him in years, so i was naturally super happy to hang with him. my happiness bled into the interactions i had with others, and the night turned out to be a huge social success. it was low key, hanging with 'good' peeps, and no social pretenses at all. i think that, honestly, more people feel the same way we do than they are willing to admit. i read a study somewhere that ninety percent of the general population considers themselves a shy individual. that shocked me. but i can see it to be true. i think that a lot of people cover their insecurities and uncertainties with their image, their money, their job, their 'status' (like you said, 'a "role" many people seem to play').. whatever it is they use to identify themselves. i think that too is why pop culture is what it is, not because it's really quality stuff, but because people are afraid to really be who they are because they're afraid they're not good enough.. so they follow the masses. i'm not saying it's not possible to be a completely social person, and genuinely confident in oneself, i'm just saying that i think that our anti-social tendencies are more normal than we give ourselves credit for.

oh ps. i too am a temp. wink.gif

(((BOSIDs))) hehe.
persimmon_grrrl
i_am_jan: thanks for the props! smile.gif i'm glad that i sent out some good energy to people. back when i lost my cynicism about SATC and watched it for the first time, i actually found it comforting, like, "oh, so this is how *normal* people socialize". Ha, ha. wink.gif

knorl05: thanks for your thoughts! i really want to have trust and faith in my ability to really create the life that i want. i believe it takes a certain amount of courage, faith, and trust to really know that what i really care about, what i want to create in my life, is possible, and that it takes persistence and effort. sometimes it's terrifying, sometimes it's exhilarating, but whatever the emotions arise, it's necessary in order for me to feel like a human being who has a consciousness and a sense of purpose.

yay to the all of the awesome creative, artistic, and fly busties in this thread.
freckleface7
all of my current issues aside (which I am improving on nearly daily for the most part).. I am a *terrible person*.
don't try to argue with me about it, I AM.

a long time ago I posted about deciding to dx a friend that I felt/knew I had outgrown, the one with the kids that she let climb all over our furniture & when I could no longer stand it & said something, turned around & made ME the bad guy to the kid, and who also then Would. Not. LEAVE.
well anyway, I put her # into my phone for the sole express reason that she'd come up in my caller Id as she got by me once before that & I answered & it was akward (not that she noticed I don't think) and well you know?

so have not heard from her sinse, a few months now, till today: she calls, frecklette see's it's her " Mom it's ___ !! answer it Answer it!" (bc frecklette is a little shit sometimes & wanted the computer for herself, lol) but I don't, and wait, and sure enough she's left a voice message, but, her husband has been in a really Bad motorcycle accident. he's going to be ok I believe, no internal injuries, but lots and Lots of broken bones. they have 2 young kids & pets and all.

I am not going to call her back.

I feel like if I do, I'll get roped into doing stuff that even when I am "normal" I am so extreeeeeeemly LOATHE to do and right now?
not a chance but she's not the kind of person who would understand that ( & tends to railroad right over whatever you say), and I am not going to go through trying to explain it to her (as I don't want her knowin' my business now) so I'm just not going to call.
even though there is no doubt she needs help & I might normally bend my own rule but I just can't.
that I recall awhile ago a coversation I had w/ her & her husband when he talked about wanting to get a bike & I mentioned that A) they are dangerous (tho I really like them & wish I had one myself) B ) they have 2 crap cars held together by ductape as it is and if they had That kinda money seems like maybe they'd.. well, yanno? and then C ) they have 2 small kids & it just seemed like a really stoopid thing over all but that's just me being totally judgmental & was none of my business whatsoever. ( & I did say those things ever so genteely) a part of me kinda feels like 'stupid gets what stupid deserves' as mean as that sounds to say.

tell me I am the world's biggest scumbag? sad.gif

= sorry to interrupt the current discussion, I think I just needed to kvetch my guilty conscious.=



thirtiesgirl
Freckle, you're not a scumbag to be mad at your friend. I can really identify with your anger about the fact that your friend doesn't seem to recognize your feelings at all. I had a close friend for 10 years who behaved in much the same way. Things culminated when, during the last year of our friendship, I let her couch surf at my apartment while she looked for a job and a place to live in LA. She'd been gadding about all over the country in the years prior, trying out one whim after another, and none of them proved successful. I was the "ant" (if we're using the ant & the grasshopper metaphor here) who stayed in one place, worked on my career, and had a place to live - with parking. So she decided to come back to the 'big, bad city' and needed a friend, and I was it. She overstayed her welcome, stayed out until all hours of the night and then forgot to deadbolt my front door when she came in, like I'd asked her to. She went on job interviews she was perfectly qualified to do, but wasn't interested in any of them and always found something wrong with either the people or the place where she'd be working. I then introduced her to some of my friends who she hadn't met before. As soon as she felt comfortable, she also used them as couch surfing buddies, overstaying her welcome and inviting herself back for longer stays, so that one of my friends finally had to ask her not to come back (which she hated doing and felt like an awful person).

...Anyway, POINT being, rather than speaking up and telling my friend of 10 years what I thought of her behavior, I kept it bottled up until I finally exploded over the phone with her. The final straw came when she shorted out my blow drier because she was too lazy to walk down to the street and get hers out of her car... and then she was scheduled to show up for a group dinner with friends I had planned near Thanksgiving, and she completely disappeared off the face of the earth. Only to call me two days later and say she just *had* to get out of town and go hang out with friends in San Francisco, sorry she missed my dinner, etc. (Ok, yeah, that was *two* straws, but I just thought I'd throw the blow drier thing in there because it STILL pisses me off to this day. My blow drier is my second favorite appliance in the house...the first being my, um, personal massager.) So I finally let her have it, all that pent up anger at her behavior, told her off, said my piece, had my say. I wasn't exactly yelling, but I wasn't exactly using helpful I-messages either (you know, "I feel mad when you use my blow drier without asking," that kind of thing). And I was pretty accusatory. So she said, "Man, Thirtiesgirl, you are SUCH a control freak, JUST LIKE YOUR MOM." GAH!!! I say, and Gah! again. I'm JUST LIKE MY MOM?!? How dare you!

I hung up the phone on her, and that was it: the end of our friendship, never to be heard from again. (Well, yeah, I did find out a few years later that she'd bumped into an ex-boyfriend of mine who also lives in LA and said some not so nice things about me to him. Which is a really shitty thing for anyone to do to someone else, even an ex-friend, but it just shows how deeply angry she was at me, and that, in the long run, she was never a very good friend.)

...SO, my grand plan with all this blather was to try and explain that keeping things bottled up is never a good idea with friends and can, from my experience, cause more damage in the long run. My recommendation is this: I might send a get-well card to your friend's husband in the hospital (I mean, regardless of your feelings about motorcycles, it's still a pretty scary thing to have so much healing to do). I'd wish him a speedy recovery, and include a message for your friend simply stating "I'm sorry you're going through this," or something similar. It expresses your feelings without being committal, and lets your friend know that you care. I certainly wouldn't recommend saying or writing anything like "I'm there for you if you need me." That sounds like it would only open up the door for further abuse of your good nature by your friend and her children. But I think it could be valuable for your friend and for you to send the card and just let her know that she and her husband are in your thoughts. You're not a scumbag, you're not a bad person. You're just dealing with a person who doesn't know how to be a good friend to you.
freckleface7
thirtiesgirl-
see the thing is, I wanted a Long time ago to end the friendship, but just literally didn't have the balls.
it is not so unusual for she & I in the past to play phone tag as I used to be ( & have allowed to her continue to think) uber busy but the bottom line is: I don't want her in my life anymore.
she has a good heart and it kind of vexes me that she irritates me so much now.. bc I have a lot of other diverse friendships that are enriching but this one just Isn't.
I know that to tell her Now would be utterly shitty, and so I won't, and I Have thought about sending her mr a card (tho the 'speedy recovery' I picture w/ a little race flag & stop light & considering it was a motorcycle accident seems in corny bad taste, even though it made me giggle smile.gif )
so maybe that's what I'll do. send it to the hospital & not even sign an inscription, just our family last name ' the Jones's. '
if that provokes a call (tho maybe she'll be hurt & won't?) then I'll screen yet again, but at least will have expressed what I feel, that I DO feel bad this has happened and hope he recovers quickly (but am not offering any assistance, only concern).


yes?

thanks for your great idea thirties, we're really glad you've joined us here. smile.gif
i_am_jan
Freckle: I agree with thirties girl, the get-well card is a good idea and thoughtful without being committal.

Also, having had some bad "friends" in my life before, I too can honestly say you are not acting like a scumbag or a bad person. The "railroading" during conversation you speak of can be quite serious. I had a "friend" like that once who never listened to me. She would go on for literally hours, I'm a pretty good listener so I let people talk until they're finished, was genuinely interested in what she should tell me about herself ~ but then, when it was my turn to talk, it was clear she wasn't listening or hearing me when she would come right in at the trail end of my sentence and begin a new subject relating back to herself. I remember feeling like, even after all the time we had spent together, I never felt like she knew me or had ever "considered" me. She began to get on my nerves because she talked A LOT, but would not reciprocate, treating me as more of a "sounding board". After hinting around a couple times the best I knew how, I decided I didn't have the energy it would take for this one-sided relationship.

If anything, I think it's cool that you spent a nice chunk of time considering her today.

((((everyone)))))
freckleface7
QUOTE(i_am_jan @ Aug 1 2008, 01:23 PM) *
Freckle: I agree with thirties girl, the get-well card is a good idea and thoughtful without being committal.

After hinting around a couple times the best I knew how, I decided I didn't have the energy it would take for this one-sided relationship.

If anything, ***I think it's cool that you spent a nice chunk of time considering her today.***

((((everyone)))))


= sorry= I wrote a refernce response but my computer is acting up so my words got eaten when I hit Post Reply.

my inital response to the *** was ' yah, but not in a Good Way at all!'
I obsessed. overanalyzed. over thought. :/ sometimes it's not just the 'trying to be With people' that makes us socially challenged apparently, it's the doing without them as well. when I first consciously became aware of a Toxic Friend & knew I needed to extricate myself, I was upfront about it. I went to her face to face said ' hey- this is how I am feeling and this is Why. I think you're great in a lot of ways but not all the stress and drama you bring into my life so for my own sanity, I need to not talk to you for awhile.' (which yes, has gone on to this day; except I did see her last year when her ex husband died and I went to the memorial. up to then other mutual friends tried reuniting us but I wasn't willing bc some leopards don't change their spots.)
maybe it's a Confrontation Avoidance issue? (note to self* add to list to work on in therapy, lol)

I will send the card, signature only, Sans a return address mailed from as far away from our house as I can find a mailbox; and let her think what she may; she knows our lives are kind of crazy now anyway. hopefully she'll be so wrapped up in her mr's recovery she won't notice?
( & yes, I'll screen calls regardless)

thank you Busties, I feel a little less scummy now. wink.gif
anna k
Thanks knorl. That felt really good to read.

thirtiesgirl, that reminds me of my sister, who, unlike a friend, I can't get rid of. She had little ambition in her life, let herself be ruled by her depression and myriad of eating disorders, graduated with honors from college yet didn't do anything to further her career, and just wasted five years of her life. She became really overweight and lived with my parents for a year, losing weight and getting her mind together. She's thinner now and is working a job she doesn't like, and I feel guilty that I don't enjoy spending time with her because she doesn't have a lot of interesting things to talk about. She's living with my grandma and hates feeling immature at 27, and I feel guilty because although I finished college and have a job, my parents are paying my rent for a studio basement apartment in Queens while I pay my bills. I had lived with my grandma for four months last year and felt cooped up, so I know what it feels like. But I can't do anything to change her situation, so I feel guilty and bad for her when she tells me how much she hates it. She also wants to hang out with me a lot, but I feel like I'm doing her a favor rather than enjoying her company like a good friend.

Sometimes I want to blow up at her too, to snap at her that I have my own life, that she should not depend on me to entertain her and invite her into NYC to be her tour guide (she's never learned the subway system or streets, and always makes the same dumb comments about being so lost, nevermind having grown up on Long Island and been to NYC countless times), to grow her ass up and stop whining so much, and to not insult me out of jealousy. Like when I told her that someone said I looked like Drew Barrymore, and she went, "No, you don't," out of jealousy and spite that I may resemble a beautiful movie star. Or I don't tell her about any sexual things I've done because they've been with strangers or would be "kinky" by her standards, because I don't want to be judged because she's jealous of me.

i_am_jan, I had friends who were much prettier than me, and knew it. They were often told how gorgeous they were, guys were all over them, and I felt like the nerdy ugly friend who made them look even better by comparison. The first girl was a Greek girl in high school who was nice and sweet, but falsely modest when complimented on her looks, and always had a beau. The second one was from Surinam, and was my friend in college. She was 28, and aware of her beauty and exotic allure, and was more conceited, knowing how men fell all over her. She would insult me in ways she found funny, like telling me my hair looked dried out or making fun of me not wanting to show off my big breasts, of which she wanted implants like. She made me feel unhappy and ugly, and I stopped hanging out with her.
knorl05
freckleface7: if you really were a "horrible" person/friend, then you wouldnt feel bad over it. meaning. dont beat yourself up over doing something you feel is best for the situation. you have your reasons and you dont need to justify your actions to anyone. if she were a friend who was providing what you want or need in a relationship, you wouldnt have distanced yourself from her. sometimes people part ways in life and that's just how it is. xxxo. if you had pisd on her dog or terrorized her kids i might think differently of you, but you've done nothing 'wrong' so try not to worry so much about it.
persimmon_grrrl
so, i am at home on a saturday night, after being out all day. i did nice things for myself like treating myself to a very long massage. it was really, really relaxing.

but, i still felt a little lonely and i called friends, but they are either out of town or didn't get my messages in time, so i spent the day alone, amongst people.

it's making me feel batty!

i don't mind being alone, but i've already proven this to the universe: i can be alone and be content, happy, and absorbed in whatever i'm doing. yes, i can be alone and survive and do well. but i want to be around people now, and i want company and intimacy in my life. i feel like i lack a truly loving, emotional connection with anyone in my life right now, and i feel wicked frustrated.

dear universe: i've learnt how to entertain myself, and be alone for long stretches of time and still function. so, please bring more people into my life about whom i care, whom i love, and help me create lasting relationships that grow reciprocally, that inspire my spiritual, physical, psychological, emotional growth. maybe i've been putting out messages, in the recent past, to leave me alone, that i want to be solitary, and that i can't be bothered with other people. i know why i did that, and i've been alone now. now, i would really love to be more open and more alive in the world. i feel like i have a stable enough foundation to actually hold space for other people in my life.

dear universe: i know that i've wanted to be alone, and that i've tended/i tend to isolate myself. but it only goes so far. i see that everything must be counter-balanced. i could use some of that right now.

PS: a serious question is what can I do where I am being a part of my community and helping out in some way, in a way that is sustainable and where I don't feel overextended, used or burnt-out by the needs of a said activity (say, volunteering, doing work that's unpaid, etc.)?

does anybody do anything as a project on the side (meaning not a day job - altho if it were, that'd be great, too) that directly benefits other people in their lives, communities, and do they have suggestions for me? I want to remind myself that I am a part of the world and have qualities that are of service, in my greater desire to be of use in the world, not used, but using my own qualities in a way that is helpful to people, and helping me be a better person.

i want to drop my judgmentalism that seems to distance myself from other people, but also not compromise or lower my expectations, and still respect myself. i often end up respecting myself, but that means i'm frequently spending my time alone. it's nice to be focused, but it's also nice to have chums.

whatever happened to sleepovers, slumber parties, and having friends within walking distance? sigh.
rubberdollz
whatever happened to sleepovers, slumber parties, and having friends within walking distance? sigh.
[/quote]

Oh my lord I totally second that question!!! I remember being a kid and having friends over or spending the night at friends homes and it was great. You stayed up and munched on snacks and talked and played video games or rode your bike for hours and it seemed like your energy was limitless.

Now I get tired early. I wake up early. I go to bed early. I hate being in places where there are large crowds of people, I like small intimate get togethers... or not togethers.

It seems like the only thing people do when they get older is stay home or drink. I don't mind staying home because then I don't have to deal with society as a whole, but the drinking I just don't care about. Who wants to be in some smokey bar with loud people drinking. People think they are funny when they are drunk and it's just not anymore. God... I feel like I'm getting old and more anti-social.

I went to 2 concerts recently for some unknown reason and they were horrible! So many people everywhere!!! I actually got nervous and didn't know what to do? I had to pee but I don't like going into crowded public restrooms so I stayed in my seat and thanked god when the show ended so I could go home and pee. Is that sad or what?

Talk about socially inept dork. I'm shocked my husband hasn't left me yet because I'm socially dorked out!
knorl05
(((persimmon_grrrl))) what's amazing is that you realize, as i've realized, that so much of our social interactions are affected by our own moods. i've got to get ready for work right now, but i just wanted to say that i dig your perspective.

rubberdollz: welcome! smile.gif nanu nanu.
LoveMyPugs
(((((rubberdollz)))))

QUOTE
God... I feel like I'm getting old and more anti-social.


I couldn't agree more. A few weeks ago I smoked pot for the the first time in years...YEARS!! I also got drunk. I felt like shit the next day and vowed never to drink or smoke again. I also can't eat late at night anymore. I miss the old days of staying up late drinking and then going out for food and going to bed so late and sleeping in late. Now if I go to bed late I still get up early. I'm so used to getting up at 4:30 a.m. for work. We recently bought these black out blinds for our house. We say we want to block out the street lights but really I want to block out the world. I too feel so old. I'm only 26 and Mr. Pugs is 28. We should be living it up right? No, we do laundry, eat in, and watch movies in comfy clothes on the couch. We don't like people. We like our dogs. We get excited to go to Lowes or Home Depot. Grocery shopping is great. What are we going to eat for the next few weeks? *squeal* Dorks we are... it's sad.
girltrouble
*delurks*

oh pugs, that's not old, you just know who makes you happy and what makes you happy. consider yourself lucky. some people do the drinking etc, just cos they are bored. me and my ex would get all excited about going to the local home depot because they had a little hot dog shed right outside of it, we'd get all riled up screaming " depot dog! depot dog! depot dog! depot dog!" but the thing was we probably had more fun doing the dumbest stuff than all these other people getting drunk etc. and if it makes you happy, then enjoy that. granted i'm waaaaaay older than you and the mr. but i'm really loving going to city parks with the puppy monster, working on shoring up mr. t's chicken coop, and chicken run, she loves tending her garden and watching her chickens for hours. i'd rather watch a good movie, than pretty much do anything (really. i'm horrible). last weekend we were invited to a bbq, what did we do? we took the puppy monster to a great new park, watched a movie, and straightened my hair. you know what? i had so much fun!

life isn't much fun if you spend it doing what other people want. it's your life. do what makes you happy.

ps, i've been trying to get stuff done on a project, but don't get anything done till after 1 am. i'm up till 4:30ish, and i wake up at 6-7. blech.....

*relurks*
anna k
QUOTE
I went to 2 concerts recently for some unknown reason and they were horrible! So many people everywhere!!! I actually got nervous and didn't know what to do? I had to pee but I don't like going into crowded public restrooms so I stayed in my seat and thanked god when the show ended so I could go home and pee. Is that sad or what?


Same here. I went to a concert a couple of months ago and enjoyed the music, but felt claustrophobic with too many people standing around me, watching couples dance or make out, and shrinking myself to let people pass. It just felt like too much for me.

I'm going to be 25, and I can feel old. I don't party, I don't drink or smoke, I don't have sex a lot. I can feel like a nerd for those things. I enjoy listening to music, watching movies, going to dance class 1-2 times a week, working out with weights, and writing various things, be it reviews for publication or about my Asperger's. My co-worker is the same way, a young woman who doesn't party or drink, loves to read (she told me about an old Icelandic novel that she's digging), was involved in a puppet performance with friends, and has a great knowledge of history. I prefer those brainy, creative types to the "performance art" types in Williamsburg who seem in love with themselves and create crappy work.

Saturday I work, then at 6 my older sister wants to go out to a resturaunt with me and my brother, then see a movie, and we should be expected to come home at midnight or 1 am. Then I have to wake up at 8 am to get ready for work on Sunday. I'm not looking forward to coming home so late and dealing with her as a guest crititiquing my Astoria basement studio apartment, but she's having some difficult times, so I have to give her a good time to make her happy.
starship
I'm 20 and wish I was olddd(er) just so that my social choices would seem more normal, or at least acceptable in other people's eyes. Yesterday was told once again what a girl my age 'should' be doing. I pretty much told them to bite me. (which I felt bad about and apologised today). but boy does it piss me off...& Pugs- I think your little set-up sounds like bliss.
Hi rubberdollz:). It's weird but I often feel paralyzed to one spot in public places. Like I'lll want to do something simple (go to the toilets, walk across to a vending machine etc) but I get too anxious and end up staying put. It's pretty much ridiculous. Does anyone else have moments like this or am I just an extreme case on ineptness:/?
My new inept friend has helped a bit. He doesn't drink/like clubs/enjoy social situations. He likes staying in to watch dvds/reading in parks/staying in. eeeeee
love to you all...
i_am_jan
QUOTE(persimmon_grrrl @ Aug 3 2008, 01:24 AM) *
maybe i've been putting out messages, in the recent past, to leave me alone, that i want to be solitary, and that i can't be bothered with other people. i know why i did that, and i've been alone now. now, i would really love to be more open and more alive in the world. i feel like i have a stable enough foundation to actually hold space for other people in my life.

i want to drop my judgmentalism that seems to distance myself from other people, but also not compromise or lower my expectations, and still respect myself. i often end up respecting myself, but that means i'm frequently spending my time alone. it's nice to be focused, but it's also nice to have chums.


Tell me about it. This articulates my feelings pretty much in a nutshell. I must admit that I've put out the signals to people to leave me alone...that I wanted to be by myself. Persimmon, you say you "know why you did that." I have to ask myself why I did it. I think it's because for a very long time, I didn't know who I was without other people. I had always had people in my life who would "lead me" into every single thing I did (controlling parents, boyfriends (not controlling ~ certainly would never have allowed THAT, LOL), so I wanted to find my passions. It so happens my passions have led me to a place where I'm by myself. But this thread is helping me to figure out my history, and I feel like I'm at a point where I know where I've been and how I got there, so now I can start visualizing a new direction. I do feel more open to friendships/relationships, now that I realize I've been closed in the past. This is positive, *sigh*

I really want to say thank you ((((huge hugs)))) to the articulate, generous women in this thread who share enough to help us all sort things out in our heads...it's made this whole issue soooo much less intimidating than it was when I was in it alone rolleyes.gif (persimmon girl: your recent posts in particular truly have helped me tons and I am thinking about some sort of community service as well. I've been thinking about the elderly care facility across the street and thinking about asking my neighbor who manages the place if I could come play my guitar/sing for the folks there, that would make me feel good and also be a way to "branch out". It would also help to break down my shyness in an environment of non-peers, you know? I'll report back with my findings of course.

anna k: Your life sounds exactly like mine. Filled up with learning, working, absorbing, practicing, reading ... very disciplined. Yet, when do I get to lose control? when will I have belly laughs with people I really, really like again?
angiepoo
QUOTE(LoveMyPugs @ Aug 6 2008, 04:26 AM) *
(((((rubberdollz)))))
I couldn't agree more. A few weeks ago I smoked pot for the the first time in years...YEARS!! I also got drunk. I felt like shit the next day and vowed never to drink or smoke again. I also can't eat late at night anymore. I miss the old days of staying up late drinking and then going out for food and going to bed so late and sleeping in late. Now if I go to bed late I still get up early. I'm so used to getting up at 4:30 a.m. for work. We recently bought these black out blinds for our house. We say we want to block out the street lights but really I want to block out the world. I too feel so old. I'm only 26 and Mr. Pugs is 28. We should be living it up right? No, we do laundry, eat in, and watch movies in comfy clothes on the couch. We don't like people. We like our dogs. We get excited to go to Lowes or Home Depot. Grocery shopping is great. What are we going to eat for the next few weeks? *squeal* Dorks we are... it's sad.



Sounds exactly like me and my "husband" but we have a cat and a rabbit
He's at work tonight so I'm hiding in the house avoiding people as usual. Only once in a while we'll go crazy and go out to a pub for a drink or dinner but we're pretty happy at home most of the time. He plays cards with a few guys once a week. I haven't gone out with anyone since the winter, I went skiing once with a co-worker and that was enough.

I feel too much like I'm not being myself and hate that no one likes me how I am normally because I don't try to put on a show like most people seem to. There doesn't seem to be many people out there who want real friendship without all the unneccesary drama.


rubberdollz
QUOTE(starship @ Aug 6 2008, 02:53 PM) *
It's weird but I often feel paralyzed to one spot in public places. Like I'lll want to do something simple (go to the toilets, walk across to a vending machine etc) but I get too anxious and end up staying put. It's pretty much ridiculous. Does anyone else have moments like this or am I just an extreme case on ineptness:/?



Hey Starship! I know exactly how you feel! Sometimes when my husband and I would go to the bars I would have to pee super bad. I would have to scope the whole scene out before making my exact move to the bathroom. I thought I was weird. If there were too many people hovering around me I would stay, but if the crowd broke up and I saw my opening I would bolt for the bathroom. Now me peeing in a public restroom is a feat in itself, I hate them!

The night of one of the concerts we went to, I didn't get home until super late and I had to work the next morning... I felt like I was beat down. I couldn't believe I stayed out until midnight and had to work early the next morning. That was so hard getting through my day at work. My friend I went with ended up getting trashed and managed to go to work the next day and I really don't know how she did it? I didn't drink anything (also so I wouldn't have to go to the bathroom) but also thinking of what my day at work would be like the following day.

To tell all you ladies the truth I really thought that my introvert ways was far and few, but you guys have really given me hope that wanting to relax at home and chill, watch movies is not abnormal! My friend is a huge extrovert and I just don't get her social ways. I know what I like and enjoy doing and when I don't want to go to a bar I don't, but sometimes I feel like I'm in some kind of battle with the extroverts in my life who are always trying to get me to go out.

My friend is having this "get together" at the bar this friday. She wants a whole bunch of her girl friends to join up and drink. I was invited and really dreaded the whole experience and I haven't RSVP'd but she finally asked me the other day and I told her no. I just don't feel like being at the bar with a bunch of people I don't know drinking, it sounds boring... but then I'm sure thinking of me sitting at home watching the ol' boob tube isn't the most exciting thing she has heard either.

I am turning 30 in a few weeks here and everyone wants to know what I want to do which is really great. Except that I see a drinking fest for everyone else but me. When you don't drink like everyone else there is this certain point where things stop being funny and you realize how annoying the situation is. I told my husband that I'd rather go to my tattooist for the day then head out for some dinner and go home. Who needs the bar! My birthday isn't about making everyone else happy and having a get together with the few friends I have is what it will become... about them.

Ugh.. sorry about the rant ladies!
i_am_jan
QUOTE(rubberdollz @ Aug 7 2008, 01:30 AM) *
Ugh.. sorry about the rant ladies!


No! not at all... the drinking/bars thing sentences *all* of us non-drinkers to a life of social imprisonment before we even begin! It seems that no one wants to do SHIT except go to the bar and get drunk! It's actually quite frustrating, to think that alcohol could be the conduit missing from your social relationships~?
persimmon_grrrl
knorl05 and i_am_jan,

just a quick note that i read your replies, and thanks! i'm off to bed soon, spent a lot of time cooking and prepping a lot of veggies that were languishing in the fridge.

more later.

hugs to everyone and their awesome set-ups, especially to the folks who get this equation: bars = boring.

i neither drink nor smoke, and it just makes a person my age seem...different. i'm okay with it, and i'm sure there are other things to do. i became more self-conscious about it, though, after being around people who thought i didn't know how to have fun, couldn't dance (i can), and labeled me "teetotaler". whatevs.

ex and oh,
pg
girltrouble
QUOTE
It's weird but I often feel paralyzed to one spot in public places. Like I'll want to do something simple (go to the toilets, walk across to a vending machine etc) but I get too anxious and end up staying put. It's pretty much ridiculous. Does anyone else have moments like this or am I just an extreme case on ineptness:/?

this is chronic with me. i know it's common among trans people in general to be skiddish about bathrooms. sometimes mr. trouble will ask me if i have to go to the bathroom, but even when i do i say no. i HATE, HATE, HATE going into public restrooms, i HATE leaving the table that i am at at a restaurant-- i get super conscious about everything, how i walk, how i look, everything. what is worse is sometimes she thinks goading me into doing things is helping....no matter how many time i explain it to her, she is just like, why don't you just go? but i live in fear of going into the women's restroom and getting called out. ugh. i feel sick just thinking about it.

lilacwine13
I like to drink, but I would rather have a couple beers than get plastered, and I'd rather go to someplace quieter, like a coffee house or a park, to talk than to go to a bar. They are too noisy, and they do get boring after a while, not to mention expensive.

Persimmon_girl, I know what you mean about putting out vibes that you want to be alone, I have the feeling I do that too. And I can be fine alone, I can entertain myself, but then there are times when I just want to talk to someone, hang out with someone, and there is nobody around to do that with.

Rubber, I know plenty of people who are able to party the night before and be fine the next day, not sure how they do it either, the times I've tried it failed. And there's nothing wrong with not wanting to go out, even it's your birthday. My 30th birthday was spent at work and attending a lecture on archaeology, which is incredibly dorky.

Recently I've been feeling depressed and it's been feeding my desire to be alone, to isolate myself from the rest of the world, even though that's the last thing I should be doing. However, I find myself to have very little patience with everyone, so I'm afraid that if I do talk to someone, I'll end up sounding like a complete and utter bitch, which will isolate me even more. Most people don't know what is going on in my life, and trying to explain to them makes my problems sound stupid, and I should be grateful for the good stuff, etc. I am, but at the same time, I miss living in a city, I wish the job I'm interviewing for is something in my field, and I know things could have been better had I planned things differently.
anna k
I don't like bars. I don't drink much, and can't stand crowds or noise, and not being able to speak to someone and feeling overwhelmed or lonely.

QUOTE
I can entertain myself, but then there are times when I just want to talk to someone, hang out with someone, and there is nobody around to do that with.


Me too. I would want some intimacy of just hugging my dream guy to sleep, just to feel warmth and comfort. Except that whenever I've been with guys, I've rarely felt really comfortable touching them or kissing them, that kind of intimacy doesn't come easily to me.
knorl05
interesting how so many of us have the misconception that being a reserved/thoughtful/quiet/homebody equals old. i struggled with that something huge when i was younger. being close with my teachers and not really identifying with anyone my age, left me feeling too serious and boring. so i of course rebelled and found that a lot of my silly/immature behavior simply wasnt me. i'm glad i tried it out though, so i that i know myself better... but i think a lot of introverted-shy types could really benefit from seeing the positives in our personality types, rather than try to be something we're not. like angiepoo said:
QUOTE(angiepoo)
I feel too much like I'm not being myself and hate that no one likes me how I am normally because I don't try to put on a show like most people seem to. There doesn't seem to be many people out there who want real friendship without all the unnecessary drama.
that's huge with me too: developing real relationships with people centered around sentiments over sensationalism. not to say that i dont enjoy excitement in my relationships, just that i find it in more substantial ways than through superficial interests.

i like going to bars, but not for the sake of the bar.. i go for the music, for the environment, for my friends, than for the alcohol.
QUOTE(rubberdollz)
When you don't drink like everyone else there is this certain point where things stop being funny and you realize how annoying the situation is.
that is awesome. that's why i stick with a specific vibe i know i can get down with.. generic bars annoy the crap out of me. the pick up scene in general is so contrived. it's understandable lovemypugs that you would want nothing to do with them. if you and your man are happy with your movies, your mini-adventures wink.gif and love your doggies, why bother going into a noisy, smoky bar just to go out.

pers.grrl and i_am_jan made great points about getting involved in community activities. doing volunteer work. trying to make a difference. getting ourselves out of a funk by interacting with people/places/things. i think we all crave deeper connections with others, so that we dont go through life isolated and numb, regurgitating what we see around us. but maybe that's just me.. and i think that leads to my impatience with others lilacwine, because i feel they are totally clueless and inconsiderate. then i check myself and realize i'm not perfect either.. and getting frustrated with them is more a negative to me than it is to them. so i've found impartial indifference to work wonders.

i think if the activity (ex: going out drinking at a bar) is counterproductive, then what's the point of doing it?
rubberdollz
QUOTE(knorl05 @ Aug 7 2008, 02:11 AM) *
i like going to bars, but not for the sake of the bar.. i go for the music, for the environment, for my friends, than for the alcohol. that is awesome. that's why i stick with a specific vibe i know i can get down with.. generic bars annoy the crap out of me. the pick up scene in general is so contrived. it's understandable lovemypugs that you would want nothing to do with them. if you and your man are happy with your movies, your mini-adventures wink.gif and love your doggies, why bother going into a noisy, smoky bar just to go out.


You know I have a friend who always says, you don't have to go to the bar to drink you can go just to hang out. This was one of the things she said to get me to go friday, but honestly for me the bar isn't even the type I would want to go to even if I thought it might be fun. To sit around with a bunch of chicks I don't know who are drinking and then I would sit there and not drink and then it's the constant asking... are you going to drink? Why aren't you drinking? Come on don't you want a drink? It gets annoying so like Knorl05 said... it is very counterproductive. It's better to not go and waste my time and others time as well. I find that if I'm at home, yeah I can get laundry done or some cleaning (which never seems to end!) or hang out with my dog and husband.

Hey Knorl05 I noticed that you are from Detroit right? Where abouts? I live in Ferndale.
anna k
Whenever I feel like crap about myself, which can happen a lot, because I can feel introverted and unsuccessful in my life, I remember some great quotes my friend gave me. They're nearly two years old, but they always snap me back into feeling great and mature:

"You're very good at hating everything about yourself and denigrating it. Ever tried to look at your so-called flaws as a positive? You have big breasts. Many girls pay $10,000 and have lots of pain to have the breasts you have. You're very pretty with a beautiful and regal profile, a great body, a shyness, and an intriguing intellectual look with a brain back it up. As the fashionistas say, work it bitch!"

"btw, do you KNOW how many men dream of the volupuous librarian look? The sexy intellectual girl? But most of all the confident girl who doesn't need them will make them whimper and wonder how to get you to need them and it will work for you and the boys will be coming to you. Then you will get to decide if you actually give a shit anymore."

That advice makes me feel so sexy and beautiful and special.

And whenever I feel like hell about my past mistakes with boys, I look at what she wrote me:

"It's not them you want to show off to though, it's you. It's your own hurt and insecurities that you want to soothe. You should start looking at it like that. Mama's right, you shouldn't think about what you did wrong or did right. That's in the past and you have a big wide future full of people who are just as, if not more, interesting than these guys, who you'll get along with just as well if not better."

"And btw, you keep faulting yourself for being a socially shy nerd, and yet you've told me how you see their myspace blogs mentioning how unhappy THEY are. Is it possible that YOU weren't the one at fault and YOU weren't were the one who was the socially awkward nerd? Maybe they were. Maybe it stayed platonic because they're the big geeks with no balls. It's time to switch around your thinking hon. You're living in a well you've already climbed out of."

That makes me feel so much better, and reminds me of being post-17 and being called pretty and not knowing how to deal with it or with flirting, and feeling so awkward back then, and not knowing why this really popular kid who was the big man on campus shut up whenever I spoke to him or would just stare at me at times. I can laugh to myself, thinking "Was I really that disarming? Hah!"

QUOTE
interesting how so many of us have the misconception that being a reserved/thoughtful/quiet/homebody equals old. i struggled with that something huge when i was younger. being close with my teachers and not really identifying with anyone my age, left me feeling too serious and boring. so i of course rebelled and found that a lot of my silly/immature behavior simply wasnt me. i'm glad i tried it out though, so i that i know myself better... but i think a lot of introverted-shy types could really benefit from seeing the positives in our personality types, rather than try to be something we're not. like angiepoo said
:

I feel old at my age, because I switched schools and grew up in my early twenties at a NYC commuter school, not having my college peers, and just doing a lot of things to grow and mature, so I feel old now at nearly 25, yet not with my dream career.
i_am_jan
QUOTE(anna k @ Aug 8 2008, 04:47 AM) *
"You're very good at hating everything about yourself and denigrating it. Ever tried to look at your so-called flaws as a positive?


This is a good one for me to consider. (As a "recovering" perfectionist...)

Anna, you sound very hard on yourself. I have seen your pictures and your looks are one area you should not need to worry about. AT ALL. IMHO. (But I do know how difficult it is to feel that way inside.)

and this:

/quote/rubberdollz: "When you don't drink like everyone else there is this certain point where things stop being funny and you realize how annoying the situation is" ~

this is the way I feel about LIFE IN GENERAL much of the time, LOL laugh.gif Okay, I'm in a cynical mood. But on a lighter note, I hope everyone is doing well and has a great weekend, will be checking in later when I have more time...
rubberdollz
/quote/rubberdollz: "When you don't drink like everyone else there is this certain point where things stop being funny and you realize how annoying the situation is" ~

this is the way I feel about LIFE IN GENERAL much of the time, LOL laugh.gif Okay, I'm in a cynical mood. But on a lighter note, I hope everyone is doing well and has a great weekend, will be checking in later when I have more time...
[/quote]

Well that makes me feel better knowing that I'm not alone (at least when it comes to the bar)!

Actually this whole thread has made me feel a lot better about who I am. Honestly I always thought my anti-social ways were odd and I'm surrounded by a bunch of outgoing people and maybe I'm just super boring. I'm a pretty confident person when it comes to who I am and how I am but sometimes I second guess it. I guess when I'm put into these kinds of situations it forces me to re-evaluate myself because I feel so out of the loop with everyone else.

My husband got mad at me one time because we all had gone out drinking and I ended up having 1 and then sat back and watched everyone else, he assumed I was bored and got upset that I wouldn't drink. We finally had to sit down and talk about me and drinking and how I just don't need to do it and most of the time I won't be drinking much if at all and that's just something he has to deal with because it's my choice.

Does anyone feel even more anti-social when their monthly period comes around? I've noticed that I get even more quiet and enclosed when I'm getting ready to start. No motivation.

lilacwine13
I've noticed I get more anti-social when I get depressed, but that isn't tied to any time of the month. Lately I've become a little scared to leave the house because of...not sure what, I'm just extremely anxious. It took a supreme effort on my part (and procrastinating for three days) to go on a camping trip.

It also took a huge effort to call someone I was friends with in high school and make plans for a get-together, possibly with a couple other people I was friends with in high school too. I felt a little weird, since I haven't talked to anyone in the area for years, but at least she sounded interested in what I've been up to. I just wish I could say I've done something more with my life, telling someone you're unemployed because you decided to chase some dream isn't fun.

I also have the feeling they might try to set me up with someone, and right now I think I want friends more than lovers. I'm really picky about who I date and friendship, for me, is much more elusive. Or maybe not, I get so stressed out over this sort of stuff it isn't funny, I think of all sorts of outcomes that may or may not happen. I know I'm thinking and reading more into the situation than what is called for, I just need to take a deep breath and relax, and not worry myself to death over things.
i_am_jan
QUOTE(lilacwine13 @ Aug 11 2008, 03:51 PM) *
I get so stressed out over this sort of stuff it isn't funny, I think of all sorts of outcomes that may or may not happen. I know I'm thinking and reading more into the situation than what is called for, I just need to take a deep breath and relax, and not worry myself to death over things.


Well ah, tell me about it Lilac. I'm so glad the weekend is over it's not funny. It was unfortunately filled with anxiety, worry, panic attack, emotional moments/tears. First was an outing with guy I'm dating's friends. They're nice, fun...it's just my own feelings of awkwardness trying to hold me down, as usual. Then I had one of the hereinbeforementioned church outings my mom wanted me to go to. I used to always decline these. But my ma is 70 years old now, so I do it for her. Of course it puts me in harm's way with all of my catty aunts and cousins so this sort of thing literally scares the heck out of me...I have little in common and always feel like, it's just me by myself, and everyone else is all together, (and I stick out in a negative way). Anyway. It truly was bad. Crying, freaking out, taking three hours to get ready, etc. (Isn't it lovely when this sort of thing is taking up your entire weekend?) Anyway, fortunately, the guy (who knows about my prob's) was generous enough to pull together the right words to help me find it in myself to go...and of course, it wasn't half as bad as I had thrown it together in my head after it was all said and done. Wish I could just smack myself sometimes. But this time, I needed an outside-of-myself "pep talk" to be able to even go. nice.

As far as my time of the month? Oh maude, yes. This can be the one missing ingredient to take me from harmless recluse to full-blown disgruntled, anti-social person you probably want to avoid if you're at all annoying or difficult to be around, coz bitches be GRUMPY.

Meantime, in my own little world...I've been "woodshedding." This is a musical term in case some don't know, used to describe a period of time when you're really peaking on your instrument and can see yourself getting to another level if you just practice the SHITE out of the instrument for as long as you're having the motivation to do so. I've been learning soloing on my guitar and it's coming along slowly but surely, so I'm just going with it. This makes me feel really good. It's good to feel that I've something to show for all of my time spent alone. How could I possibly regret anything when I'm becoming a pretty decent musician.

Always great to read this thread and hear everybody else's thoughts on stuff.

((((Peace out everybody))))
rubberdollz
I think women like to worry no matter what. I worry about the littlest stupid shit and then like what you guys have been saying the situation ends up not being as bad as I thought.... sometimes.

Are we worrying in hopes that the situation doesn't end up being as horrible as we thought? Or do we worry because it's just the anxiety of this new situation getting to us? Or any other crazy reason we can concote in our heads?!?!?!

I remember once I went to a nightclub when I was 17. I was dancing... no big deal and I got laughed at by a bunch of girls. I never danced again. Even now I won't even go to a nightclub because of my fear of being laughed at. Even at concerts I rarely get up and move around because my fear takes over. It's really saddening that it's been 13 years since that happened but I still can't get over the fact that happened. It was scary enough to be at a nightclub back then and that just put me over the edge. I think I'm tainted.
persimmon_grrrl
Hi everyone. I didn't read all of the entries, but I did finally leave the house after coming home Friday night. And that's because I had to work today. It's so weird - sometimes I'm very social, and other times I totally isolate myself. I didn't leave the house all day Saturday and Sunday.

I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but I hope to get better soon.

Tonight, I ran into a friend and remember smiling broadly when I saw them.
thirtiesgirl
Oh gawd. I didn't know where to post this, so here it is. I cut the cheese, audibly, today in class.
eeeep. sad.gif
I'd been drinking all this apple juice and was feeling rather gassy. I was shifting around in my seat and thought I could control it until the next break when I'd make a bathroom run. But my teacher would not stop lecturing, and then all of a sudden, there it was, out and in the open. It was fortunately brief and the resonance was low enough that I thought it could pass for a chair squeaking. I tried to cover it with a cough, too, but it was over before it began, so it was too late to disguise it in any other way.

Fortunately, the class is small and hardly anyone was paying attention, but boy, did my face turn red! Seriously. And I don't know what it says about me now that I can't make it through a three hour class without becoming as flatulent as an 80 year old woman after a spoonful of cabbage soup. It sucks, ladies, this aging thing. It really does. Sometimes I never know what my body's going to do next.
i_am_jan
Well I feel a whole lot better now ... at least the worst hasn't happened to me yet laugh.gif Thirtiesgirl, I'm sorry to hear this...but at same time, I'm glad no one said anything...I'm sure someone could just have easily started laughing and busted you out...

Like someone else said earlier, I'm deathly afraid of being laughed at, too. I actually have a very healthy sense of humor, and I do laugh at myself...but this fear stems from a time when I did take myself seriously (in school as a little kid) and was used as a laughing stock. To this day, I don't like being center of attention because I fear the negative attention. I guess I'm wound up pretty tightly, as some would say, and certain things can really bother me, even when I know they don't really matter.
rubberdollz
I am jan... I hear ya! I have a pretty decent sense of humor, I'm very sarcastic and some people just don't get it but the ones that do laugh. But when it comes to laughing AT me, I can't take it!

I feel bad for people when they say someone laughed AT them or something bad happened where they were totally embarrassed. Reading your story thirtiesgirl I think you handled yourself very well. I would have died... probably been beet red and tried to leave and never come back Fear of things like that happening are mortifying!!

A few New Years ago I had this horrible incident happen at the bar and my friend still won't let me live it down and the worst is she wasn't even there! My husband called her that night to tell her what happened to me, I get pissed off now when it's brought up because I think the story has been beaten to death.

So here is goes.... the night before New Years Eve I took a sleeping pill (I used to have trouble sleeping). No big deal. The night of New Years Eve we went to the bar and I had maybe 1 1/2 drinks... no more than that, of 7 & 7. I started to not feel well... like woozy... I told my husband I needed to go but he kind of sat there for a minute unsure. I stood up and said I need to leave! I went to move my drink and I ended up hitting the glass over and breaking it. Seriously I felt like I was plowed but I wasn't!!! I started to walk and made it halfway down the bar when I woke up and was laying on the floor and some guy was standing over me asking me if I needed help? As he grabbed my hand to pull me up I see my husband literally walking out the door! He didn't see me! So I rushed out the door after him and he asked what happened?? I told him I don't know and I started to walk a few feet when suddenly I woke up again laying over this 3 foot brick wall. Then I landed on the ground and my husband was holding me trying to figure out what was wrong. I actually told him to leave me there! I was so tired and just wanted to sleep... he had me by my waist and was kind of holding me and I turned and threw up. Then some guy (now this part is actually funny) comes up and asks if we need some gum??? Ok get the fuck out of here dude!!!! My husband tells him NO and he leaves. Once I threw up I slowly started coming back to some kind of reality and my husband basically carried me back to the car. Luckily he's a big guy so he could do that. I was in and out of sleep the whole car ride home and couldn't wait to get home. Finally we did and I passed out in the bedroom for a bit...I was OUT! I chipped my tooth on the brick wall and really have slight recollection of the whole night. While I was passed out my husband called my friend to tell her and everyone just thinks I got hammered that night and had this whole thing happen because I drank too much. I think that the pill I took stayed in my system and somehow had some kind of reaction with the alcohol.

My friend came out here for a vacation and we took her to the bar where this all went down and of course this scenario was played out for her (not by me). It was embarrassing and honestly I didn't want to go back to that bar for a long time! I was afraid someone might recognize me as that girl. One of the bartenders actually remembered what happened and asked my husband if I was ok that night and he told him I was fine but don't talk about it to me because I was embarrassed and the bartender never did. Which was cool.

Ok... that is my mortifying story of more embarrassing moments. Ugh.. to be laughed at is a difficult thing. I don't know why we just can't learn to laugh at ourselves and not take things so seriously?
thirtiesgirl
QUOTE(i_am_jan @ Aug 13 2008, 10:56 AM) *
Well I feel a whole lot better now ... at least the worst hasn't happened to me yet laugh.gif Thirtiesgirl, I'm sorry to hear this...but at same time, I'm glad no one said anything...I'm sure someone could just have easily started laughing and busted you out...

Like someone else said earlier, I'm deathly afraid of being laughed at, too. I actually have a very healthy sense of humor, and I do laugh at myself...but this fear stems from a time when I did take myself seriously (in school as a little kid) and was used as a laughing stock. To this day, I don't like being center of attention because I fear the negative attention. I guess I'm wound up pretty tightly, as some would say, and certain things can really bother me, even when I know they don't really matter.

It's awful, because I try my damndest not to crack up when I hear someone fart around me, but when it comes to myself, nobody better even crack a smile. Or if they just have to laugh, at least have the decency to cover it up or leave the room.

A few years ago, I was shopping at Ross, doing some serious searching through the womens' clothing. Right next to me was possibly the world's oldest Korean woman, searching the racks just as seriously as I was in her pistachio green pantsuit. All of a sudden, the little Korean lady let loose a short, sharp stinky one, loud enough for me to hear. It struck me as so funny that I had to leave the aisle (not to mention, I needed to get away from the smell) to control my laughter. I don't even think she was aware of it, though.
grokthis
I'm new and also a big, old, socially inept dork (as you can no doubt tell by my goofy intro). Most people think I'm "weird" and steer clear of me, so I don't have much opportunity to socialize which is why I end up doing the majority of my outings alone. Plus, I'm very introverted so I tend to enjoy going it solo most of the time. I've recently been hankering to attend some concerts in my area but the venues I'm looking at are not safe for a solo person. So I was wondering if any other solo fliers have any advice about attending concerts alone in a not so safe venue? I'm at the point where I'm tired of passing up some great shows due to safety concerns, I wanna rock damn it! smile.gif
faerietails
i totally just pulled a classic faerie move and fell off a PARKED bike in front of my brother and his friend. it wasn't even that bad a fall, yet i managed to scrape the shit off my elbow, knee, and top of my foot. i'm poking at my keyboard with 1 finger because my left side just hurts too damn much! sooooo pathetic (but still not as bad as last january, when i managed to break my arm while MAKING TEA. god hates me.)

i'll admit this is all pretty funny, though. lol

30sgirl, i've totally farted in public before. but farts amuse me, so i kinda just go "tee hee" and play it off. then again, everything on this planet gives me gas like no one's business (hel-lo, PICKLES?!), so i've been forced to learn to laugh it off. actually, one time my car broke down, so i had to take a bus out to visit a friend. it was a red eye bus ride, and somewhere in the middle of it i'm pretty damn sure i let a loud one rip while i was asleep. i don't know if it was the fart or the subsequent giggling that woke me up (or if it was all a dream, which i suspect it wasn't), but i took comfort in the fact that it was really dark and i had my own row to myself, so i just didn't move and pretended it never happened! laugh.gif
i_am_jan
Whew hoo, hardy laughs at these outrageous bloopers. Rubberdollz...that night sounds hiLARious! Way to lose complete control over all bodily function I love the part where you're down, still inside the bar, and your dude is jus' walking out, completely clueless (how was he to know you were so full of surprises? how were YOU to know, LOL)

This one time a couple years ago, I was singled out by a co-worker who passed on to me the knowledge that I had a big, wrinkled-up, dryer sheet stuck to the back, velcro, cargo pocket of my pants. This was about noon, and I'd been walking around all day, all morning, with it perfectly visible?! When they told me, I found it funny as soon as I saw it, so did they, we all started laughing. It would have been okay then, but once I started laughing, (I have a very loud, nervous (= weird) laugh), it brought the moment back to awkward again, everybody got kind of quiet after I burst out. I have learned to really watch my laughter volume, as it does sound funny, and I hate it.

Anyway, a similar situation ensued as I was sitting in an insurance salesperson's office after work one day and noticed a pair of crumpled-up *panties* coming out of my pant leg, sticking out by my foot. Must have got stuck there in the laundry. Thank gawd I caught it before they dropped out in the middle of the office, but Yikes...that was a close one. (I decided to be a little more alert when I got dressed in the morning after these two items occurred.)
rubberdollz
QUOTE(i_am_jan @ Aug 14 2008, 01:19 PM) *
Whew hoo, hardy laughs at these outrageous bloopers. Rubberdollz...that night sounds hiLARious! Way to lose complete control over all bodily function I love the part where you're down, still inside the bar, and your dude is jus' walking out, completely clueless (how was he to know you were so full of surprises? how were YOU to know, LOL)


Yes I think for him it is still worth the chuckle but I don't get mad about the fact that he walked right past me. I think it's the joking around and kidding about it.... and the "re-enactment" that was done. I think that is where the line was finally jumped over! I was really more disturbed by the whole thing because I'm not one to lose complete control over myself and that night was very scary when I realized that shit went down that I couldn't help. I never even considered that those sleeping pills would stay in my system for that long?!?!?!

Holy shit! You sound like you are the commercial for static cling. That is horrible. The nervous laughter you erupted with must have really thrown people off where they suddenly realized that it maybe wasn't that funny?

Ugh... these stories are very scary to think about. I told you, I feel bad when I know someone is in an awkward uncomfortable moment. It's like when you see someone has something in their teeth or maybe in their nose and I feel bad for them but I know I have to tell them so they don't walk around like that all day. Yes I am that friend or stranger who lets you know when something is in your teeth and I would expect the same! It is embarrassing to tell someone but I think it's more embarrassing to find out for yourself HOURS later!
persimmon_grrrl
crisp, room temperature or cold water all around:

hi all.
i went to a friend's bbq today, and walked to her apartment. it was good to see her, but everybody seemed a little off. and the cigarette smoke gave me a headache and bellyache, tho the friend smoked a few paces away.

air is gaseous, travels, and we all breathe it. so, i still inhaled some of its toxic fumes.

otherwise, it was good to see my friends.

i need to meet some fellow asthmatic peoples who don't smoke and who care about their health a little more.

loving tori amos these days,
pg
grokthis
Hmm, no responses so far to my question. Is this the wrong thread for this type of question? I'm just wondering if perhaps I asked in the wrong thread. No snark, just honestly wondering.
courtiegirl
QUOTE(grokthis @ Aug 16 2008, 07:52 PM) *
Hmm, no responses so far to my question. Is this the wrong thread for this type of question? I'm just wondering if perhaps I asked in the wrong thread. No snark, just honestly wondering.



So I don't know if this is the wrong thread or not, but I'll do my best to answer your question anyway... I've been in the same situation minus the dangerous part. It was more of a " might be bored if I go alone" kinda thing. But like you said, you're tired of missing out on things- I would go for it. I love rock shows, and more often than not people at the show are more interested in getting into the music than they are in raping you or whatever... Most of the time. I don't want to scare you out of it, and I don't want to encourage a potentially very bad situation. I would go, but that's just me. If you suspect something bad might happen, find a group close to you, explain your situation discreetly, and act as if you came with them.

Going to shows alone, I find, is an excellent way to find yourself, unwind and relax without any social pressure. Get out there, mosh, and rock your heart out! Do stupid things, you only live once.
knorl05
pm'ed
lilacwine13
I wouldn't say this is the wrong place. Do you mean the venue isn't safe, or it isn't in a safe neighborhood? I've gone to lots of shows alone, and my experience is the same as jan's--most people are more interested in the music than anything else, and her advice is pretty sound. If I were you, I'd go see the bands and have a good time. smile.gif

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