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anna k
I spent Friday evening hanging out with some commenters and writers from Jezebel.com, meeting at a bar in midtown Manhattan. It was nice meeting new women and talking to them about the blog and the Olympics and our personal lives, but I hated the noise of the bar. I would keep having to lean in to hear people, and felt like if I couldn't hear anyone, that I would be bored and staring into space. I like doing these meetups with people I meet from online communities, but hate it when they pick loud bars/pubs to meet in. I don't drink much alcohol and can't stand the noise and not being able to hear anyone.
grokthis
QUOTE(lilacwine13 @ Aug 17 2008, 08:05 AM) *
I wouldn't say this is the wrong place. Do you mean the venue isn't safe, or it isn't in a safe neighborhood? I've gone to lots of shows alone, and my experience is the same as jan's--most people are more interested in the music than anything else, and her advice is pretty sound. If I were you, I'd go see the bands and have a good time. smile.gif


The venue itself is safe but the neighborhood and transportation are not. I would feel safe at the venue with other fans but getting there and back I wouldn't feel safe. I was wondering how other people deal with same situations. Thanks for your reply. smile.gif
grokthis
QUOTE(courtiegirl @ Aug 16 2008, 09:21 PM) *
So I don't know if this is the wrong thread or not, but I'll do my best to answer your question anyway... I've been in the same situation minus the dangerous part. It was more of a " might be bored if I go alone" kinda thing. But like you said, you're tired of missing out on things- I would go for it. I love rock shows, and more often than not people at the show are more interested in getting into the music than they are in raping you or whatever... Most of the time. I don't want to scare you out of it, and I don't want to encourage a potentially very bad situation. I would go, but that's just me. If you suspect something bad might happen, find a group close to you, explain your situation discreetly, and act as if you came with them.

Going to shows alone, I find, is an excellent way to find yourself, unwind and relax without any social pressure. Get out there, mosh, and rock your heart out! Do stupid things, you only live once.


Thanks for the reply. I like your idea about finding a group and acting as if I came with them. I think that just might work in getting me to and from the venue, walking near a larger group of people.

I've never gone to a show alone, this will be a new experience for me, so I thought I would ask people who have been there before. smile.gif
thirtiesgirl
QUOTE(grokthis @ Aug 13 2008, 08:37 PM) *
I'm new and also a big, old, socially inept dork (as you can no doubt tell by my goofy intro). Most people think I'm "weird" and steer clear of me, so I don't have much opportunity to socialize which is why I end up doing the majority of my outings alone. Plus, I'm very introverted so I tend to enjoy going it solo most of the time. I've recently been hankering to attend some concerts in my area but the venues I'm looking at are not safe for a solo person. So I was wondering if any other solo fliers have any advice about attending concerts alone in a not so safe venue? I'm at the point where I'm tired of passing up some great shows due to safety concerns, I wanna rock damn it! smile.gif

Sorry, I just read this. I go out to shows all the time in L.A. by myself. I don't do it as much as I used to because my job prevents me from going out during the week, but if there's a band playing that I want to see on the weekend, I definitely go. I like courtiegirl's suggestion of talking with others at the show. While I'm usually an introverted person, I'll often push myself to talk with people around me while I'm hanging out before the show. Usually all I need to ask is "what do you think of the band?" or "how do you like their new album?" and the conversation kind of takes off on its own. Maybe once they start feeling comfortable with you, you could bring up the subject that you're a little freaked to walk back to your car by yourself after the show and would one of them be willing to walk you to your car. If you don't like the idea of extroverting yourself a little with strangers, I'd recommend finding a place near the venue, or perhaps the venue itself, that has valet parking (a lot of music venues in LA have valet parking). Or find a well lit parking structure or pay parking lot near the venue to use. It might cost a little more money, but it's worth it when it comes to your safety. When I go see bands at the Knitting Factory in LA, there's a pay parking lot directly underneath the structure where a lot of people who go to the Knitting Factory park. When I go back to my car after the show, I'm going down with other people from the KF, so I'm not completely on my own and I feel a little safer.
i_am_jan
QUOTE(thirtiesgirl @ Aug 18 2008, 05:07 AM) *
Maybe once they start feeling comfortable with you, you could bring up the subject that you're a little freaked to walk back to your car by yourself after the show and would one of them be willing to walk you to your car.


Just wanted to say this is a great idea...one I will be using myself. I have the luxury of feeling pretty safe where I live, so I haven't thought as much as I probably should have about keeping safe, but this is one I'll keep in mind if I ever drive out someplace alone. (Of course, I have the usual mace, of course, and stabbing car-key in between two fingers just in case I need to put an eye out, which I've just been doing automatically since way back.)

Grokthis: You say the events are (flat out) "not safe for a solo person." perhaps you should think about not going after all in such a location. I don't think I would...I have to admit I do only attend shows in my locale here within about a 15 minute radius, places I can and have walked to for years and know faces, etc. Perhaps you could work out some way to either go with someone else after all, or just wait until there's a show at a better venue. Hate to tell you to consider that, but...

hope everyone is doing well tongue.gif
neurotic.nelly
QUOTE(grokthis @ Aug 13 2008, 08:37 PM) *
I'm new and also a big, old, socially inept dork (as you can no doubt tell by my goofy intro). Most people think I'm "weird" and steer clear of me, so I don't have much opportunity to socialize which is why I end up doing the majority of my outings alone. Plus, I'm very introverted so I tend to enjoy going it solo most of the time. I've recently been hankering to attend some concerts in my area but the venues I'm looking at are not safe for a solo person. So I was wondering if any other solo fliers have any advice about attending concerts alone in a not so safe venue? I'm at the point where I'm tired of passing up some great shows due to safety concerns, I wanna rock damn it! smile.gif

Hello grokthis, I'd just drive there by myself, bam!, get out, go to the venue, and rock out, and then jett! And usually, I'd have some weird interactions with random people in the venue, which is nice/strange.
Good Luck! San Francisco, is a very solo friendly city, but only once you've gotten to your destination, otherwise, watch out! they'll cut ya! tongue.gif
grokthis
I'm still reading the replies here but I don't always have time to respond promptly. Anyway, thanks for the myriad responses. It's definitely giving me ideas and I'm cooking up a plan. tongue.gif
rubberdollz
grokthis... I think in the end there isn't enough advice or information someone can give you on going to a concert alone. Some of us might shudder at the thought because you really never know what could happen when you are alone, but honestly that goes for anything that you do... day or night. Some of us might think it's not that big of a deal and just go. If the band is important enough for you to see and you feel that taking a risk in a not so safe venue is a good idea then I say go. Maybe going to one show to give it a try will give you an idea of what you might be in for, but then different bands bring about different people/followings.

When my husband first moved to Michigan he was attending shows by himself but what was nice was the type of music he was listening to he met some really cool people at the shows. You may find that going to a show by yourself will draw in types of people that you want to meet and you may find some new concert-going friends for the next time around.

Or.... it could be the worst experience of your life and you never want to do it again but at least you gave it a try.

Sorry.. the total anti-socialness in me came out. I'm a leary person of things like this and when you really think of an area to be a bad area you could be setting yourself up.

There is a venue out here that I HATE! But of course the bands I want to see go there, but I refuse to go because my life isn't worth seeing any band. When I was younger I would go without a care in the world but now... hell no!

Good luck with the decision that you decide to make. You are going to know what is best for you when the time comes.
neurotic.nelly
hello again, all social challenged busties, inept busties, loner busties, unusual busties, sensitive busties, autistic busties and the like! biggrin.gif

here's a classic example of my social challenges,

there is a guy that works in the same building as me. very punk. very interesting looking, besides, he has female friends in the office he works, a very good sign. he made an effort to say have a nice day to me as he was leaving the elevator with a rather annoying female coworker, he literally cut her off to say goodbye. took me, and her, completely off guard.

well, this is what people do when they maybe want to talk to you a little bit more, maybe. i could be reading way more into it. but, NOW, I do not want to see him again, hahahahhhhahhahahaa! So, weird.

if we start to chat, and he is boring or something, I'll be disappointed. also, what if he tries to hit on me or something, that would suck too. I've seen him about two times since then, and have turned around before he had a chance to see me.
lilacwine13
Nelly, that sounds a lot like me when I first try to get to know someone, so I can relate to not wanting to talk to them because of fear. It doesn't sound weird to me; we try to avoid things that might harm or stress us out, if that makes any sense.

i_am_jan
Yes, it sounds like fear to me as well...I base this on it sounding like very similar things that always happen to me (sort of funny when you think about it?) It's like we anticipate the outcome way, way far in advance of the actual events occurring. It feels like a compulsion to rule anything closer right out immediately...a defense mechanism? Like it's really our FEELINGS about what's going to happen (more than the events themselves) that put us on the run. Is it anxious anticipation of a bad outcome? If so, why do we anticipate that the outcome will be bad? Are we still running away from situations that have happened to us in the past that shaped this defense? Is there any way we can confront these issues and look at what's really there, and try to come to peace with the situation...then move beyond its effect on our mental/social psyche, should we want to branch out more, socially with other humanoids?

Or do I feel, deep down, as though I shall never measure up to WHAT I ANTICIPATE/COMPULISIVELY "FEEL" is going to be this person's reaction to me, should he get to know me further? (And this compulsive, reactionary "jump" doesn't even make sense, now that I think about it?)
i_am_jan
I was supposed to work tonight, but I want to take the opportunity to see a show instead. So, I called into work. Despite being very excited about going, now, I am having all these thoughts of just staying home. But I keep telling myself no, because for one, I could have used the money from work tonight, but I called in to see this show. Secondly, I think it's mainly anxiety of being rejected or seen as a freakazoid, or just feeling funny the whole time. I'm really trying hard to go down there because I think I owe it to myself to go out once more this summer. I have been waiting for this show to come along and I do really enjoy the music when I go...I just haven't been out in a while is all, so I keep having second thoughts. blink.gif
neurotic.nelly
(((i_am_jan)))
if you didn't go, i hope you had an amazing night anyhow, and if you did go, i wish the same.

i think you and lilac have it about the fear, it's like, i am not afraid to talk to him, but i have too many scenarios in my head about who he is or why he spoke to me.
lilacwine13
I hope you went, jan, and had a good time. I've been in a reclusive mood this summer, and it has been a huge effort for me to get out and do anything for the same reasons you stated.

Nelly, good luck trying to talk to him, I'm sure he's just a nice, normal guy who was trying to be friendly. In my experience, that's the case, no matter what scenarios you're playing out in your head.


Friday night I went out with a couple of friends from high school to the local bars. It was fun, I was able to catch up with them and say goodbye to one (she's moving out of state). However, the whole evening seemed a little bit like...the summer after high school. They still keep in touch with the other girl in our group and they still don't really care for her, they got drunk (I volunteered to be the designated driver), we all went to Perkins, and everyone ended up passing out or going home around 4 in the morning. In other words, despite all that's happened in their lives, it didn't feel like anything had changed, that everyone was doing the same stupid shit we were doing when we were 19. I don't know, maybe I'm being too snobbish and last night was an exception. I wish I'd been able to get a hold of them earlier this summer so we could have caught up over coffee, but it didn't happen. We promised to keep in touch, and I hope this happens because they are nice people and I like talking to them.

Also, I was getting a lot of male attention at the bars last night and I felt a little snobby because none--and I mean none--were the type I date, and I kept on getting asked why I didn't go out to the bars before. I didn't want to be rude and say the ones in this area are extremely depressing and I don't care for bars in the first place, so I probably said something like I was a homebody, which is kinda true. laugh.gif I don't handle flirting well, and maybe they were just being friendly in the only way they know how, I sometimes wish I could read situations better.
i_am_jan
Thanks everyone for the pep talks.

Lilac: Oh dern...I'm not a flirt either. I get so nervous if someone is interested in me. But it sounds like you had a great time and it's great to hear that rolleyes.gif . Also, I think it's pretty cool you can have fun without alcohol and that you drove.

I actually did go out both Friday and Sat. nights. ... It felt like the weekend to go out!, for some reason Fri. was awesome because the band was great, however I had got there late for this early-starting show and only was able to see this one band. (I'm glad though because I can go see them again now, they were a very exciting mix between Black Sabbath-y metal and punk rock like pre-Rollins Black Flag), I loved it. But then Sat., the band sucked. Sorry to sound like a snoot if I do, but it was these two boys on stage, one on guitar, one on drums, and they just amateurishly "jammed" (*very* anticlimactically), there was no singing nor words, it hurt the ears to listen to them drone on so I could make a break for the door after the third song. But I was still glad I went out. To the club. I'm glad I'm keeping up my connection with some of these places, because I really like going out on my streets and in my clubs here rolleyes.gif Did anyone else spend a weekend of relative solitude, I wonder?
anna k
I'm glad you went out, jan, even if the band was lame. It's just good to get out and see new things, y'know?

I've been feeling good this week. I bought a new tank top, and it's a black tank that I bought for $5, yet it makes me feel really sexy and beautiful. When I put it on, I'm surprised at how much I like my body in it, feeling sleek and sexy and feminine. I wore it to the gym, and got instant compliments from the other women in my workout class, being called sexy and beautiful. It feels different because I didn't wear tanks in public because I felt like my breasts were too big or my arms were too soft, but work at the gym has made my arms stronger, and it covers up my breasts so I don't show cleavage. I just felt so beautiful and happy, all because of a simple tank top.

lilac, I don't like it if I get flirting from men who look like overgrown nerds or just creep me out in some way. It doesn't feel flattering or good, just makes me feel empty.
thenewrussia
I agree with the shirt. I purchased a top for $5 (did we shop at the same place lol) and when I wear it, I feel good and look nice. I get compliments as well. I'm going to wear that top when my ex comes to town wink.gif . When men who look like trash, dirt, etc. hit on me, I feel disgusted. Especially when it happens alot. You start to think you only attract the ones who are only looking for someone to take care of them.

I know people who just communicate with their friends on Myspace and Facebook. They hold on to those friends they grew up with even if they live on the other side of the coast. They're afraid to meet new people or just can't handle getting to know people. One friend admitted they have a hard time making the first move to say hello or to get to know someone.
neurotic.nelly
I am having a hard time connecting with people. I feel that all my relationships are in shambles, but I know this is short-sidedness. But, it is how I feel, like I will end up alone and homeless. Or well to do and misanthropic and I DO NOT WANT EITHER OF THOSE CHOICES. This is black and white thinking, I know. I am having a bit of a bout with depression and I cannot relate to people. I feel awkwardness everywhere I go.
anna k
I had a really good time tonight. I met again with commenters from Jezebel and we went out to a bar/lounge where we drank, talked for 2 1/2 hours, and listened to 80's pop music like El Debarge and Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam. I really got along with a couple of the girls, giving one of them my number, and felt really happy and comfortable.
neurotic.nelly
Very cool, anna k. smile.gif
funk0039
QUOTE(neurotic.nelly @ Sep 11 2008, 08:37 PM) *
I am having a hard time connecting with people. I feel that all my relationships are in shambles, but I know this is short-sidedness. But, it is how I feel, like I will end up alone and homeless. Or well to do and misanthropic and I DO NOT WANT EITHER OF THOSE CHOICES. This is black and white thinking, I know. I am having a bit of a bout with depression and I cannot relate to people. I feel awkwardness everywhere I go.


If you want, I'm willing to talk with you. I deal with depression every day, so I understand it very, very well. Honestly, I just want to help, no strings.
i_am_jan
nelly: we hear you. and care about you when you tell us that. (((((come here))))))

anna: Let me ask, do you think your practicing is paying off? or are you simply having great chemistry with these people. at any rate, I'm really glad to hear you're having some fun. you deserve it.

hope everyone else is fine...

I've been sorta depressed with things the last several weeks after not having had much contact with any close peeps. But once I got so bad...I started to push myself to make some contacts...people I knew I could maybe have fun with if I just put myself out there...decided to struggle and try. I actually feel better because a couple of those people (one actually) was really, really nice to me and made me feel more comfortable than anyone has in quite some time. And I hung out with him and his friends. He was in a band. His girlfriend was there and stuff, he was just a cool person, I met him and we began talking about guitars and music, he invited me to hang out after the show and I decided to go for it. His friends weren't snobbish or anything and I found myself able to relax with them. I was able to crack a couple of jokes with confidence and come out of my shell a little bit. Then when I was received well for who I am, it felt like they saw a little bit of who I was and accepted/liked? it. It was great to take a chance and have it work out this time. I really needed that this time.
<3drums
(((busties)))

i really don't know how to start - in a way, im not sure why im even writing here... but here goes.
too much lurking, not enough actually getting involved with you lovely busties.

i guess i've always felt awkward; i've never really fit in with my extended family, or even my close family to a point. this year family stuff has got a little wierder (but its okay, i realise i'll never live up to my {prick} brothers' expectations) and at school, well yeah, isnt that fun. last year had actually been really good as far as that went (a nice change from the last....forever), this year looked like it was turning out okay, and then i screwed it up.
i was a complete hypocrite and betrayed one of friends who i was just getting close with. and lost another friend who i realise wasnt worth it, but still... and my betrayal of that friend helped to alienate his best mate who i was starting to get close with too. plus, the girl friend who i have been close with for the past few years, well we've drifted too. and i'm not sure how to get her back. i've talked to her, but she doesnt believe that we've drifted. or she wont admit it anyway.

so yeah.

plus i've been to see the school counsellor about my anxiety re: other shit, and that seemed to be helping a bit, but now im not so sure. she doesnt seem to get how much of a problem my anxiety is, so i havent talked to her about any of this, or the fact that im compleeeeetely confused re being bi/lesbian. i think one of my guy friends is crushing on me, but i feel absolutely nothing that way about him, or any of the other guys who have recently been into me. not helped by me crushing on a certain {female} teacher at my school.

it seems too petty, and we've got term break coming up, so i won't see the counsellor for another 3 weeks. plus she kinda pisses me off. and i've never been good at talking about emotions. it was a major struggle to go see her about my anxiety... and i just don't really connect with her.


gah.
huh.gif
lol wow. i think i just shared more with you busties than i have with anyone.
ever. {apologies if this should be in the 'sigh...depression thread' or 'anxiety thread' or 'way too long rant thread' or something. honestly it was about being awkward. but i do so love tangents. and i don't think im depressed. not right now anyway}
anna k
Jan, that is so great. It feels so good to talk to people who you thought would think you were shy and nerdy but turned out to have the same interests, then see you in a new light? I had that happen to me in college several years ago, and it felt so good and fantastic to be appreciated.

I had more fun because it was in a more relaxed setting where we sat down and got to know each other better, and I ended up liking some women more. I didn't like standing around in a bar before that was loud and busy, so this was a better environment.
i_am_jan
3 drums: We hear you. The feelings you describe are very similar to what most of us in this thread have experienced as well (not feeling close, or safe enough to get close, to hardly any people, a good part of the time.) It helps to come here because for one, it feels therapeutic to be heard, by women who you know have similar values/experiences/will understand/ and it's private. Also, we can be totally honest about our insecurities here. The other thing is that, hearing other peoples' accounts of similar experiences helps to articulate our own feelings, which helps when trying to articulate them to other people/counselors/your journal, what's happening and what it feels like. Before I came to this thread, I had lived with these feelings for so long that I never even really had the right words to express how I felt to others. No words to describe how what I felt was hurting me. What I found here helped me start to building a bridge outward (slowly but surely I think).

In regard to sexuality issues, I have not had experience outside the hetero. I can only imagine and dread what you must be going through being bi/lesbian. I wonder if you shared that part with your school counselor, would it make you feel better/more able to open up to her? I don't know?.

I def. hear you when you say the counselor doesn't understand how bad your anxiety is. I have had several experiences where I told someone but, as soon as I told about it, it didn't sound that bad after I got it all said. It didn't sound like the huge, debilitating situation that it is...it almost sounded petty, compared with the feelings I was having about it, and how it was affecting my life.

Just come in and write whenever you feel like it. Remember that Rome wasn't built in a day...it will take time to flesh out exactly what your issues are and find a path that you can grab onto which may lead you outside of yourself a bit. It's good you've made a first step, by reaching out to the counselor (also coming here and putting your cards out on the table.) You seem like a really cool person.

(((everyone)))
knitfairy
Hey Everyone...

This topic is perfect, it's so where I'm at of late. I'm just realizing that I have no purpose in my life and I'm working towards a goal I no longer want and can't likely attain anyway. Egads. There are three definite things I want in my life...to parent (even as a single woman), to take care of my family, and to travel. Other than that I'm pretty unsure. I'm working towards a nursing degree I don't really care about and don't think I can complete. I'm actually thinking I want to drop out of school and find some other way of supporting myself... I would love to either work from home and/or have my own business. I want to start pursuing adoption, I want to start doing what I want with my life, rather than going for goals that may well be obsolete. Any ideas? Career suggestions? Anything? I'm not miserable, exactly, just frustrated and feeling really stuck. It doesn't suit me at all!

Thanks guys!
rubberdollz
Knitfairy... I think your feeling is totally normal! I went to college for 5 years, finally figured out I wanted to become a vet tech. Went through the program, got a job and I HATED IT!!! HATE! The women nurses were bitches and if you didn't have seniority then treated you like shit at the vet clinic. So I said f* it. I went to a temp agency and started getting jobs in offices in hopes that something may workout for me. Yeah... years later I'm now an admin working for a non-profit organization. I love my job because it pays well but I hate my job because it's boring. I have no passion for what I do, but it pays the bills. I work to live not live to work you know?

I think it is so hard to figure out what the freak you want to do for the rest of your life!?!?! I feel like I may never get the opportunity to really change a career into something that I enjoy because I have a mortgage. My husband is in college right now so I bring home the bacon (so to speak). Then I think, do I really want to go back to college??? I look at other people's careers and wonder if I could do what they do?

3 drums... I think that your questioning your sexuality is also completely normal!!! I went through that when I was younger and you know it's things that just tend to work themselves out. Have you thought about your feelings towards the female teacher to figure out what kind of a crush it is? I know that sounds odd, but sometimes we like someone not sexually but are just attracted to them because of how they treat you or something else. Is it you see yourself dating her, possibly having a sexual relationship with a female or do you like the way she makes you feel when you are talking to her? Do you like being around her? That doesn't mean that you are gay/bi.

I had gay friends when I was younger and questioned my sexuality quite a few times but when it came down to it I realized I wasn't really "into" womean, I couldn't see myself sexually with them. I'm not saying you aren't gay and I'm not saying your aren't hetero. This is just something that you will figure out in time so don't worry about it, it's normal!
knitfairy
Thank you Rubber, I appreciate the hell out of hearing from you! I love the concept of having a job I love, but is it even possible? Hell if I know! :-) Ugh. I imagine I'll figure something out.

3 Drums! I kinda get your bi/lesbian quandary. I've been dealing with that kinda thing for years...lame! I say go for what you feel. Think of yourself as not being limited by labels of bi or lezzie. We don't require titles! If you determine that you are one way or another eventually, then cool, but if not, whatever. Some would say it's a cop out, but I can honestly say I'm attracted by the person, not the gender.
olivarria
Rubberdollz, I can empathize with how hard it is to decide what you want to do. It feels so final, like a marriage almost, when you commit to a career. I think it's because it takes so many years and thousands of dollars to invest in, so it feels like a life sentence. it's been very tough deciding what i want to do too. I've always known I would major in psychology, but didn't know what i want to be: in the past I've wanted to be an animal behaviorist, librarian, and psychologist. I've ultimately decided I want to be a social worker. Unforunately it doesn't pay very much, but I don't want to base my career on a salary. Besides, i don't think my job is my identity; it's only a fraction of who I am. I just want to be passionate about that I do.

Ronia D'Arc
Um, how do you do this? I'm completely new to this whole chat/forum thing.

Like, is anyone there? Is ANYONE THERE???

Haaaallloooooooooo, is anyone there? Can you heeeeaaar me?

Ok, girls, or non-girls if you're not a girl, I'd like to introduce myself:

My name is Ronia D'Arc--I'm a 34-year-old mommy of one child (a tomboy). I'm married to a man who can be wunderbar at times but who also at times makes me want to put my head in the toilet and flush, flush, flush away.

I work as the executive assistant at a library--it's great but also not great. In fact, right now it's not great at all. Right now I hate it. I hate being an executive assistant. I hate opening interoffice envelopes. I hate wearing conservative clothes. I hate pretending to care when I don't care.

But I like the library--no, I love the library. I am a book-y person, ie kind of weird, so I fit right in with all my book-y (weird, in a lovable way) coworkers. That's what I like about my job--my coworkers.

But what am I doing? I didn't come here to bore you with these boring details about my boring work life! I came to ask you to visit my blog, Ronia D'Arc Tells The Truth.

I'm asking you to visit my blog because it's an anonymous blog (I'm using a pseudonym) and so I can't tell my friends or family about it. I don't have any readers except for my husband, and he only reads it because I force him to.

Soooo...I have no real readers. And I need someone to read my freaking blog. Please, please read it. Just one sentence of one paragraph of one entry. PLEASE!! I will be ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!!!


Ronia
girltrouble
hey, i've got a great idea... why don't busties go and cut and paste ronia's stupid post in her fucking guest book and see how she likes it.

ETA: never mind. her blog is mind numbingly STUPID. now i see why her posts are so moronic. ugh.
asshat.
rubberdollz
hehehe... girltrouble, maybe if we just ignore it it will go away. How many places did she post to?

Why bother posting like that? If you have something to say find the right area and talk about an issue, don't tell people to read your blog. We take time to come to this forum to chat, not have people try to sell us on some blog that you obviously think is really important... to yourself
girltrouble
meh. she's gone rubber, and i would bet dollars to donuts we'll never see her again. she thought posting that little turd would get busties to read her blog, so i guess she really doesn't get how this thing works. that sort of stupidity would never gain her any readers round here. i say, good riddance.
rubberdollz
here here!

Now back to our regularly scheduled program!
rubberdollz
I think that is totally true about the identity part when it comes to your job. If my identity was based on my job I would be a very boring individual I think. Yeah I'm not much in the social aspect of things but I do have things I enjoy and everyone I work with (except for 1) is so freaking boring. One woman who is 60 drives me completely insane and I only pray that one day I don't end up like her. I see the way she waits on people hand and foot, I can't even stand getting company coffee when the come in for a meeting but she acts like that's the best thing ever.

Passion. What a word when we think about it you know? It's like holy crap will I find that?!?!?! I totally envy people who have found their passion in life and are living it because that is difficult. I feel sometimes like my life is destined to have this boring job and I will have to find other means to stay who I am. I have almost a sleeve of tattoo on my arm and every day I have to concern myself with covering up for work, one day I wish I didn't have to.

Knitfairy I don't know if finding a job you love is possible? Maybe some of us are just destined to find a job we like, but then work hard to make sure we love who we are no matter what our job is. Like olivarria said, her job is not her identity so as long as you can love yourself then a job is a job is a job.

Olivarria I will say that I think it's great that you are willing to work a job no matter what the pay is. I find pay to be very important to my life but it's also based on my mortgage, dog, cats, car, insurance, food and keeping a 6ft 290lb man fed! Without the pay who knows where we would be? I only hope that one day I don't have to focus so hard on the money and maybe find something that I could love.... or maybe like a little more... like is a little step towards love right?!?!?! hehehe
konphusion26
I don't know if I'm anti-social or what. But it's getting to a point where I don't want people at my house, or around me period. They're here so much!!! It's driving me insane. I'm a loner by nature. So having people in my space constantly is causing some major anxiety. I especially don't like the feeling of people using me (my computer, my washer and dryer, my stove, just whatever)... Maybe I'm just being a petty jerk. But seriously, they're getting on my nerves. I just feel depleted. I would feel really shitty using somebody's time and resources like they do. I mean come on people. I shouldn't even have to TELL you that you're at my house too much. My husband enjoys having alot of people around all the time, because his family is huge. He doesn't mind "helping" people. Neither do I. But they need to help themselves sometime. And he and I have discussed this a thousand times. I always end up feeling like the bad guy.

I'm a nice person. I really am, but don't take my kindness as weakness. I am a time bomb.

Greetings and hugs to all my socially inept busties! Love ya!
i_am_jan
((((kon))))) I think I may know how you feel. My ex's M & D used to stop by unannounced on us about every week, sometimes theyd come over on a Sat. and spend all weekend. There were things I felt like he and I could be doing that did not involve me sitting there talking to my mo.-in-law all day dry.gif so good luck


knitfairy
Hey Kon! I say embrace your need for space! I am a firm believer in the "home is a refuge" thing, and anything that unnecessarily infringes on that comfort is definitely worth fighting. We all need a favor occasionally, and I think it's great you and your husband are willing to help out your friends, but when it becomes seriously uncomfortable for you it's gone too far. Your husband should respect your discomfort and back you up in setting clear boundaries to your free-loading cohorts.

You poor thing, I totally sympathize. I wish you well!

starship
hey all
so many posts to catch up on!

things have mostly been going pretty well for me socially. i think it has a lot to do with being a lot happier in other areas of my life. im out of and over a crappy relationship which has made me far more 'bothered' with new people and making an effort. since being back at university ive chatted quite easily with people on my course who id never even seen around before. ok, so my social life isnt exactly booming but i really dont think i would want it to be. i need my down-time damn it. i feel more 'normal' lately though.

theres a guy i know. we didnt meet online or anything but thats what we used to know each other a bit more. we have looads in common and i really like him but when we hang out it can sometimes be rather awkward. the trouble is perhaps that we are just too similar. we're both shy, awkward, self conscious and not big talkers. i get pretty frustrated with the situation. im trying to persist with it though because im pretty sure once we're more comfortable around each other it will be a great friendship. by the looks of things he's thinking the same:).

theres another guy who ive become really good friends with too. he's a little introverted and shy but nowhere near to the extent i am. its good to have made a friend that goes beyond the aquaintance stage, which is usually where things grind to a halt with people i meet. and he doesnt like bars/clubs/drinking(!) so its actually possible to hang out with him without forcing myself into places/situations i dont feel confortable with.

from my inititial flick-through of whats being going on here i noticed some of you talking about having difficulty deciding what to do in life. i totally empathise. i need to make some major life-decisions within the next year (or sooner) and have absolutely no clue where to start. scary stuff.

love to you all
i've really missed all your wisdom
x
konphusion26
Hey yall, it seems that I wasn't alone in my disgust of people using us. The hubby finally admitted he noticed what was going on ... and has since put his foot down. I haven't heard from any of them in over a week. HALLELUJAH! I am so thrilled at this. If left up to me, they'd never come back over here. EVER. Thank you all for your support and empathy. It means a lot!

I hope you all have had a great week and wishing you a relaxing weekend. Smooches to all!
nappysco
I'm feeling socially inept in life, period. I just moved to Chicago, and although I'm really excited I'm living here, I don't know anyone. I've been in this situation before, but always in situations where meeting people was MUCH easier. I don't know where/how to being meeting people. To make matters worse, I chose to live out in the bland suburbs since my job is out here. I'm used to spending lots of time alone, and I've only been here a few weeks, so I'm sure things will look up once I get out of my apartment and do some things. Busties, any ideas on how to get started socially in a new city??
snow white
QUOTE(konphusion26 @ Sep 24 2008, 04:12 PM) *
I don't know if I'm anti-social or what. But it's getting to a point where I don't want people at my house



i don't like ppl in my house either, except my bf, who now lives here. i don't know, i've always been that way. i have no problem hanging out in someone else's abode, and i know i'm a good guest (not a slob), but it puts me on edge when ppl are in my place.

anyway, i've been feeling really awkward lately (more so than usual? yep). to top it off i chopped my own bangs way short and i'm just not rockin' it like i have before. yuck. today i went to a jewlery party of an old highschool friend who i've a hot and cold relationship w/, she's a new mom and effing great at it while looking totally hot in 3 inch heels. i'm really happy for her that she seems so good at her new life, but today it only made me feel worse. i feel young, inexperienced and unattractive. just like i did in highschool. is this shit normal?
persimmon_grrrl
nappysco,

congrats on the brave move.

i am not sure really about finding new friends, as i've often dealt with that, too.

if you find certain causes you're into, that can be a way to at least network. although, if you're trying to be buds with folks first and help out a cause second, that can be a little difficult and unsuccessful, in my experience.

i'd say join a sports group, reading group, or something that's your speed and where you don't have to put on a "show". also, it just takes time, and also a lot of self-care is important especially if you just moved and had a lot of changes happen, too.

be nice to you, too, in other words.
crazyoldcatlady
nappysco, check out the "midwestern mamas" thread- tons of chi town busties there with regular outings, always up to meet a new bustie...
snow white
I'm reading Bridget Jones' Diary and I'm realizing how many "Jones' moments" I've been having. It's oddly comforting in a way, knowing someone else has written an entire book of my most awkward days.
Beckster08
ok so socially I can be on or off depending on my mood. but i don't really have a hard time talking to people, it's just that I'm a naturally quiet person, so i don't talk about something unless i think it's relevant. i have friends and stuff in classes and activities, but it's just that it seems that i'm a forgettable person, meaning that i don't get invited to hang out or go to parties outside of the activities. I've called people up and kind of invited myself to hang out before, but i don't want to be that person that invites themselves everywhere whether they're wanted or not, but at the same time i hate not having anything to do. do any of you have any advice for this situation?
lilacwine13
Argh, my social ineptitude has been rearing its ugly head this past few weeks.

I want to talk to people, but right now we're on such a stressful schedule that a lot of the time I want to be away from everyone. Yesterday I ended up driving around rural Illinois taking pictures by myself in order to relieve some stress. There was one guy who I thought was going to turn out to be a good friend, but this past week he's been avoiding me like the plague and it's been getting to me more than I should let it. Unfortunately, we have the same group of friends here, everyone works at the same place, so a good chunk of the time it feels horrible to be hanging out with anyone. Also, I don't want to seem too desperate for friends, don't want to seem too strange, but when I'm in a pissy mood, it's difficult not to sound or act like it and I don't want to seem like I'm always angry.
lananans
snow -- I felt the exact same way when I read Bridget Jones. It was kind of eye-opening.

beckster-- are there any social nights for your classes, like at the pub, etc?? Then make an effort to sort of talk... even if its just to one person.. Or maybe after a class suggest going for a coffee with someone, to talk about... class stuff? Or just for the sake of going..

I hope you feel better soon lilac...

I just started hanging out with a girl who I knew as a casual acquaintance, until we have found ourselves in the same city together. She's very outgoing, loud, talkative, and I'm a little shy. I'm trying not to be too awkard, but really I think I just need to be myself. I can't always revert to the quiet girl from high school who had no friends/was not popular... even though it would be easy to stay at home in my apartment and not be social...
tommynomad
BUST is such a great network. And all of us who can comfortably connect here, should be able to take the plunge and join BUSTie meet-ups IRL. It may not be easy at first, but it's as safe as it gets.

Shenomad is quite shy when it comes to new people (part of that's cultural--when she's among her friends from high school, she's the LOUD one). When we moved to New Zealand, we joined a boardgaming club. Twice a month in a room full of big old socially inept dorks. And it works. It's wonderful that this whole group of people, not one of whom I'd call an extrovert, get together and are *very* social. It all feels therapeutic and human, and like a community.

I used to attend really cool yoga classes. After 60 minutes of being totally *in* yourself (though in a room full of people), the teachers held a little tea ceremony. Sometimes people would chat, sometimes they wouldn't. Part of that non-pressure to be social made it *more* social, IYKWIM.
freckleface7
it took 3 Celexa's (my anti-anxiety aka: don't-be-crazi- drug) but the mr & I attended a small party at one of his coworkers home tonight. ! 2 of the wives I'd met before, 1 of which I'd had dinner with before & I like, and the 3rd wife seemed super quiet & considerably younger than the rest of us so it actually made me feel like trying to gently draw her out some.. which when I did she really lit up. she also lightened up when the men all went outside, but quieted back down again when they returned & we started playing board games.

anyway, we really had a nice time tonight, and even though I had a few wobbles here & there & had to take the 3rd pill there, I/we did ok.

now if I can only convince the mr to finally invite the across the street neighbors over finally.. it's making me look like a liar bc I told them we'd have them over once he got home again & it's been over a month now!
he complains that we don't have any real friends our age here in our 'hood, but this couple is literally directly across from us & he won't hardly give them the time of day & they are Super nice.
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