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jami
Hello all! Good news. today was court. we won.
he wants a divorce NOW. wants to get married.
judge said NO.
(there is not yet a division of property..... that takes time)
and we were awarded keys to the ranch - he's locked everything up so I can't access anything.
yea. if I were a drinkin girl - I'd be at the bar a partying.
but instead I built a fire, and we're having enchiladas for dinner. smile.gif
now all we have to do is brace for retalliation. he's done it before...
glassk
yay team

yay enchiladas!
nickclick
good news indeed, jami!

more good news'll keep on coming, i'm sure!

mmmmmmm enchiladas.
jami
it snowed 4-5 inches last night. sure was glad for that fire!
still don't have keys to the ranch - but we're working on it.
love ya all. thanks for the encouragement.
~jami~
jami
hello all. safety update here. Ca sun hitting me in the eyes. we're here. son went to visit friends last night - without mom. major big driving achievement. wow. things are good. last week on Wed, it snowed. this week on sun, it is supposed to be 100*!! we're loving it.
just wanted you to know that we're good here. I have good people checking in on the house to make sure it will be there when we get back!
~jami~
nickclick
hey jami, thanks for checking in from sunny california! have fun.
jami
hello all. updating here. all is good. real good. son is having a blast here. he's visiting his old buddies and 'hanging out'. visiting with family. freedom. not something we're used to. I just got back from visiting a friend, who gave me wonderful advise. said I should envision the things I love, want to do, where I want to be. (gee, that's what the Busties said, isn't it?) I get all caught up in emotions and in the day to day stuff and forget. Doing this for my son. I have to remember me, too.
hugs to all|
~jami~
nickclick
told you so!!!!
(j/k)
you have a good friend.

jami
you all are fantastic. a great support group as well
son and I are on our way back, having a wonderful time visiting. mom is weak, not well, and I did the cooking and cleaning and running around chores for her. at my dad's though, we went to the movies and dinner. quite the difference. son visited friends and did hid sports - a great time.
I tried in the car to prepare him for what will be coming from his father. says he does not want to talk about it. understood, but it's gonna happen. (ultimatums) trying to figure out how to say 'leave the child alone' without having it look like I'm keeping son away from father in court. next week's gonna be a doozy.
hugs to all
~jami~
jami
you guys aren't gonna believe this one... son and I arrived back a day early. (drove 11 hours) someone has been in our house! the computer battery backup was plugged in and the modem was powered up. ok - thought maybe I had forgotten to unplug... NO~ I had made a video diary of the house just before we left. everything was unplugged. then I checked the gunsafe. I had put a bit of wax in the lower corner of the safe. it had been tampered with. I called the sheriff at 10am, he arrived 8:30PM! listened to me, gave me a piece of paper that says 'statement', and told me to fill it out and get it back to him. OHMYGOSH.
now more legal stuff to deal with.
I insisting on a CRIMINAL investigation to have the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives investigate stolen guns. sheriff agreed.
ex-to-be arrived when deputy was here. ex was asked if he was in the house. he said no. privately, the sheriff told me that ex *knew* that he wasn't supposed to be in the home. as if he did not believe ex.
now ex is pissed that I had law enforcement here.
not fun, people. deputy asked if I could get the protection/restraining order re-instated. (gee, someone else thinks he's dangerous, too) nice to know. I'll keep you updated.
~jami~
nickclick
good job documenting everything. get as much evidence as you can gather. ex-to-be may have some of his good ol' boys on his side, but soon enough he'll do something too stupid or his luck will just plain run out. all your evidence will prepare you for that day.
jami
hey all. the only retalliation so far is him weed-eating at 7am outside my bedroom window. I finnished the sheriff document at 2am. he's weed-eating with the weed-eater that he says we do not own. betcha he tries to get court to pay him for his time.
Lawyer is in court, will call me after lunch.
~jami~
glassk
aw, jami! you're doing good- I'm glad you enjoyed your trip.

Perserverance!
jami
as for the weed-eating, he cut down all my irises. my grandmothers' irises. I've had these for over 17 years, now destroyed.
so guess there was more to it than it seemed.
son still will not go outside, but we plan on weekend stuff to do.
(he's usually gone on the weekend with g/f)
~jami~
jami
thought I'd update on the personal side... 'new guy' is gone. just wanted sex, didn't get it from me, he's gone. that's sad, doesn't know what he's missing in me. he was a good distraction for me, though. hurt me when I realized what was going on. one thing I did gain, though - his mom loves me! all my boyfriends' moms love me! how strange is this????
'backhomeguy' used to call everyday, for an hour at a time. (got to see him. sheesh, he's still gorgeous) has called three times since. that sucks. don't know what the problem is. lawyer says not to call him, he may be working for the other side. I do hope that's not true.
but since going back home, my old HS boyfriend is emailing me (innocent, he's married) and he's reminding me of good things that have happened in our lives. this is good.
I find myself crying at a moment's notice. some fear. but mostly I think it's missing what *should* have been my life. actually, I'm glad, truly, to be away from the terrifying times, the fear, apprensive feelings, the lies. oh, the lies.
but I miss things. talking. being with someone. companionship.
I'm not meant to be alone.
I can't yet appreciate this time alone. time to be with myself. time to plan on the future that I have yet to cellebrate. I have been told that it will happen.
I'm just not there yet.
can you help me get there?
~jami~
missjuliet
Awh Jami you sound like such a sweetie.
I recently just broke up with someone I had been with for 3 years, and the only advice I can give, which has probably already been mentioned in this thread, is that you can't move on through others. It has to be a personal journey.
It seems easiest at first to indulge in new relationships, but they usually end up being unfulfilling.
In order to move on and find someone who you can relate to and share a meaningful relationship with, you have to try and be somewhat comfortable/happy with being by yourself.
This is your time to do anything and everything you want.
Pick up a hobby, pick up several hobbies. It will help take your mind off of the need to find someone new and will give you a sense of strength.
Relationships don't make the person, you make who you are.
So find happiness for yourself, and more happiness will come to you...
Pinky swear <3.
jami
I loved the pinkie swear, thank you. this is what my son and I do together. it means more than 'I promise'. It is our bond.
I am furiously preparing paperwork for my lawyer against my husband. Next court date is early next month. He has threatened to sic the sheriff on me if I don't havd over the tv set and dishes. He has a tv and dishes, he even stole from my front yard. He is intensifying on the small petty stuff, which I beleive to be a smoke screen for bigger stuff he doesn't want me aware of. I still live in fear.
I am very greatful to the Bustie Ladies for their suggestions and moral support. I have leaned on you greatly and I have never been dissapointed in you
~jami~
snarky7
jami, take heart - it only gets easier. listen to missjuliet. i'd give you the same advice. besides, the stuff he wants is just stuff, you have yourself and your son - you two are what is important. you can always get more stuff another time.
jami
true, that. I have my son. but judge has threatened to take him. and ex-to-be is trying for 'disproportionate amount' of property - or more than his half. and he keeps delaying court by not disclosing information. this should have been done with three months ago. it may be another 6 months yet. he is breaking the law, but the judge lets him get away with it.
and it's getting worse. he has threatened to sic the sheriff on me if I don't come up with stuff that court has not awarded him.
snarky7
can we please just castrate those men that have to be such asses in our lives? biggrin.gif

hoping things are staying manageable, jami.....
jami
today there was a fellow from the power company talking to me in the backyard. they are testing power poles to make sure they are not rotten.
we hear ooooh, ooooh, yes, oooooh baby, oooooh
coming from the trailer next door to me where he lives.
husband and girlfriend don't have the bedroom window closed.
fellow says to me - now that's just not right
I'm just glad that my son was not outside with me.
so she's here on the ranch, but he has her in hiding the whole time.
jami
news from my side. good news. great news. my son came in and told me that he wants to change his statement. he wants to live with me. he knows what he wants from where we want to live, to what kind of house, to what classes to take at school, to where he may want to go to college.
like I said, this is good.
send me good vibes, we are trying to sell the ranch now, towards the settlement. today the buyer said it wasn't the right place. another buyer coming next week.
ex-to-be is still being a "dick". (to quote his son)
hugs to you all
~jami~
snarky7
omg, jami....your post from 17 july... YOUR husband?!?!?!? what a total ass...... i'm glad your son has seen the light and wants to be with you and get his life on track.... he sounds like a great kid. you are lucky. he'll make your life easier as you move on. hooray! he's your life now. and just don't forget this is not the end of your life....only the beginning....

thinking good thoughts for you...
snarky7
omg, jami....your post from 17 july... YOUR husband?!?!?!? what a total ass...... i'm glad your son has seen the light and wants to be with you and get his life on track.... he sounds like a great kid. you are lucky. he'll make your life easier as you move on. hooray! he's your life now. and just don't forget this is not the end of your life....only the beginning....

thinking good thoughts for you...
jami
hey all. I guess I wasn't quite clear with my last post.
my son is calling his dad a 'dick'. he used that word. I don't. I did at one time I called him a 'lying, cheating sack of scum', (and then apologized for my outburst) but technically, he is lying, he is cheating, and, well: scum. but mostly I don't refer to him at all. I ask if dad's been around, or if dad has talked to him. mostly we do not refer to him at all.
I am under orders from court, if there are bad things said by me to my son about his father, he will be taken away from me. I will not jeapordize that. I am just trying to keep my son safe. psyically and mentally.
I even bring up things to my son... like when dad tried to play the harmonica, when we did things together, when things were good. I want him to remember that there were good times.
it is up to the court to decide where son goes. ex-to-be made son testify in court. ex-to-be had son sign a document saying son wanted to be with dad. now son wants to change the document and live with me. I have not said anything to influence him. he sees things now that he did not want to see. things cannot stay the same. his dad is starting a new life without us.
drturl - I don't know if you have read my older posts. my husband moved us away from family, friends and home to live here, I never really wanted this, I did as my husband wanted. we were going to spend more time together. I tried. but when we moved here, he already had a girlfriend. they broke up, but there was damage to us. now that there has been time apart, since the separation, I see that the way he treated us is not how a family is to be. or a husband and wife: the shouting, the degrading, the intimidation, the violence. we accepted our life as we had nothing else to base it upon.
and as for boys needing fathers. yes, I agree. but his father has not contacted him in two months, and he lives 200 ft away. the last time his dad came to the house, it was because he wanted ammuntion. not to see his son. there were 8 court ordered visitation weekends, his father showed up for two. never cancelled the other dates; just did not show up.
my husband had an affair, he told me he wanted a divorce. he is starting his new life, he is done with us. although we are not divorced yet, he is bringing her here, her father here, having her family here. but he does not see his son. this is his choice.
his father is gone from our lives, and now that he is gone, there is no reason for us to stay here. would you?
~jami~
nickclick
jami, you've made the right decisions all along, as far as i can tell. you are doing a terrific job of keeping yourself and your son sane. no need to defend your decisions. this will all be over soon, your son will grow up to be a good man (not like his father) thanks to you, and you'll be in a happy place, both mentally and physically.

ick, and that nonsense with his girlfriend? whatev. he's someone else's problem now.
glassk
((jami))

you're doing good; it's encouraging the strength you're showing through all of this. take care smile.gif
snarky7
jami - keep standing on your own two feet....you'll be better off!
jami
snarky7 + glassk + nickclick (hugs to you all)
thank you for the posts of encouragement. I need 'em. latest is a court appointment for a psychologist for son. in other words- has-to-go not only is he not happy about that, ex informs son HE(the ex) is drving young son- three hours each way! son said this to respond - no fucking way I am going anywhere with him! but today he was TOLD (aka ORDERED) to go with his dad. no wonder son is confused. son is pissed.
so on the good side,father talked with son. bad side, orders son to go where son does not want to go or do.
gotta get thru tomorrow to see what's gonna happen.

on a completely new track - and dierct me to the correct bust lounge...
what is "rebound"
please someone answer.
and why do they make it sound so bad?
~whoa. sleeping pills definately kicking in now ~~
email me guys... in cluding on 'rebound guy'
thanks much
~jami~
snarky7
ah the dreaded rebound subject - maybe it fits here? jami, IMO, i'm not totally sure that if you break up with someone (married, dating, other) that you can ever really have a "rebound" - because if you think about it, all we'd ever have after boy #1 in our lives would be one rebound after another... i think the people who worry about the rebounds are those who either a) were really happy you and your ex were together and now they are not as pleased or cool.gif those who have been continually f'ed over in relationships and can never be happy and maybe there's a c group in there, but who knows.... i can say i've had the rebound guy or two in my life - to me they were the ones i didn't care about and the ones who served their short-lived purpose of making me happy in an otherwise unhappy time. i have had friends who married the one termed the "rebound" guy and have found themselves happier than ever... i don't know...other thoughts from the board?
jami
ok - so 'rebound' is a term used by people who:
a- wanted you to stay with ex
b- were never happy in a relationship themselves
c- other
I've heard the term - but not understood it really. thought is was a term for going into a new relationship too quickly.
and this is bad?
ladies - talk to me.
nickclick
i've always thought that 'rebound' meant dating or fucking someone too quickly after a long-term relationship, especially with the explicit purpose to try to get over the long-term ex.

i wouldn't say dating someone shortly after is always gonna end up badly though. i know when i was in the last legs of my previous lt relationship, i spent a lot of time thinking about the kind of partner i wanted (and how he wasn't it). so when i met someone not too long after our breakup, i kind of knew he fit the description.
princess_dander
I agree with Nickclick on the definition of "rebound", at least that is the only way in which I have heard it used.


I am having a hard time dealing with the situation my girlfriend and I are in. I know that I need to be alone, but I can't cut ties with her because of a few reasons, most having to do with money and not wanting her to suffer. Because of this, we are still living together and I am crawling up the walls needing to be alone, but can't. It sucks and i can't wait until to live alone. I don't want to hurt her, but I am torn in half so much these days. I have it together, but the stress is so much to deal with at times.

Thanks for letting me vent.
smarttart
princess, I know that feeling of just wanting to be alone! It's sweet of you to not want to hurt her- but you need to take care of your feelings too. It's soooo hard to do in a living situation- I've been through that too. Ugh-


O.k., so I don't know if this is where I should post this- but I need some help. Last year I met a guy and we dated off and on for just a bout a year. We were so bad for each other, faught all the time, he couldn't commit etc. But, there was this intense passion that I haven't ever felt before, I felt like he was the first guy I've ever been in love with.


Through this I think I realized what I really want and DONT want in a relationship. Fast forward, I moved to different city and cut all ties with him. A couple weeks later, start hanging out with another guy and I really like him. We have sooo much fun together- he has all these qualities i'm looking for. We've been dating for almost two months. BUT, sometimes I feel like I'm really attracted to him- sometimes I think I'm not at all! AND I don't know if I'm in love- now that I've experienced that intense passion.


I'm confused- some of my friends think that the "passion" was just that we were always fighting and it was either really good or really bad- you know that kind of intense energy. This new guy is like my best friend- so kind and considerate.
Ugh- I just don't know what to think - I can't even have sex because I'm thinking about how great it was and the connection I had with the other!! Do you think this is a rebound? Do I need more time? Should I just wait it out and see? I just don't want to hurt him. He said he'd give me as much time as I need.
nickclick
princess, you gotta do what's best for you. of course you're worried about hurting her, but you are probably hurting her more than you want to by staying there, not being there for her, not letting her get on with her life without you.

smartt, i don't know your age, but i kind of went thru the same thing with my two big relationships, and i attribute the passion and intensity of my first one to us being 20 years old, and it being our first love. i started my 2nd (and current) relationship at 30 and was worried at first that because i didn't feel that constant need to jump his bones that it meant i wasn't into him. it's just different. i'm turned on when he's a sweetheart or when we crack up together, more than just because he's hot. i dunno. i guess i'm grown up now to know that a relationship is going to last on more than passion, and that it doesn't last forever.

ick, i sound like a fuddy duddy. i guess my advice is to wait and see. on the other hand, you have to be hot for him, and maybe it's just not happening. but try to think about him without comparing.
princess_dander
Smarttart, It sounds very complicated. I think that if you are having relationship mood swings like the ones you have described then a long break to figure things out is in order. I have had those before and it is hell because you can't figure out what the hell is going on.

Thanks Nclick. The problem is that we both went in to this apartment and now that the idea has fallen apart (much due to her inability to find a job) and now until we both find places to live we are stuck with each other. We are staying in a friend's place who is seldom here and doesn't care how long we stay because now we have very cheap rent. I am trying to leave ASAP and every day it is hell b/c we share a bed and she is always here, now as I type!

My fantasy now is to live in a studo apartment with my cats reading books and study and never date again! I have a handle on my anger and sadness and have a great sense of humor about it all. it just sucks...a lot.
smarttart
Thanks you guys- that helps.
Princess, I know- I had that fantasy and I finally live alone- it's wonderful. And when I moved I really didn't want to date either, I was so happy with myself, my job, my great apt! And this dude and I started hanging out and next thing you know I have a boyfriend!

Nick-Click, I'm 31 and have dated a lot. How can I still feel so clueless? I think I feel a lot of pressure, we just got back from a wedding where I met all his friends and some family, and all his friends are now some of my only friends cause I just moved here. It's just a lot. I just don't know if I need to completly stop seeing him or just take it super slow- be firm about taking time for myself and not letting this thing go too fast. I feel suffocated sometimes. The thing is- I'm really attracted to him after I haven't seen him in a couple days. And yes, I do compare him- I always do that and I feel like I will never be satisfied!
princess_dander
Oh I so want to live alone. Oh gosh I feel like I am 14 again! Wah!

Glad something that we said helps.
snarky7
smarttart - my new crush sounds a bit like yours - very kind and considerate, not totally tops in looks, but you have to look past that perhaps. tho very different than others i've had relationships with, what i find ultimately sexy in him is that he really cares to know what i'm thinking and feeling and wants to make me feel special. i find myself more attracted to him every time we have spent time together... the funny thing is that the passion is there i think...it's not the OMG knock-you-down rip-your-clothes-off sort of passion, but more the passion of the mind (okay, that's dang cheezy)... i certainly do the compare/contrast thing, and this new one is so not like any other guy i've known...i think i could be into him, maybe even into him a little too much... it scares me cuz of where i've been before and now i'm thinking he could be too good to be true.

i would add, tho, that you say you've been dating 2 months - if the attraction isn't there enough to get you hot-and-bothered, even occassionally, then i'd wonder why not? is it you and your compares? or maybe do you just like him as a friend? it would be hard for me to have a relationship without thinking there was some chemistry in the bedroom somewhere along the way... anyway, food for thought....
smarttart
Definitley sounds a lot like my situation, sounds like you've got a great guy there. I've been in such bad relationships for so long- this guy treats me like a princess and it's so hard to believe that he's for real. I didn't mean it to sound like there is NO chemistry- actually, there is alot. I find all the cute things he does and says so attractive, and the sex is actually pretty good. It's just, when it comes to having sex- I get overwhelmed and sort of dissapointed. I feel like the last guy ruined all sex for me because of how intense and connected we were. But maybe you're right, snarky...it's just a different sort of connection with this guy.
jami
thanks for the good thoughts. car died. again. four times in two months. how can I get an estimate when I can't drive the car to the shop that's an hour away? husband will not fix nor approve repairs for son's vehicle either.
prisoners once again.
yeah. my husband and his girlfriend. they live next to me three days a week, and they're at her place for the weekend. it's hard on son. he won't even go outside. he's heard them, too.
I think things will be better - once we're OUT OF HERE.
~jami~
nickclick
QUOTE(jami @ Aug 1 2007, 10:02 PM) *
thanks for the good thoughts. car died. again. four times in two months. how can I get an estimate when I can't drive the car to the shop that's an hour away? husband will not fix nor approve repairs for son's vehicle either.
prisoners once again.
yeah. my husband and his girlfriend. they live next to me three days a week, and they're at her place for the weekend. it's hard on son. he won't even go outside. he's heard them, too.
I think things will be better - once we're OUT OF HERE.
~jami~

things will definitely be much much better when you're the hell outta there!
jami
Nickclick - you're not kidding there!
jami
hey Nickclick - husband and girlfriend just came here and left. son was outside with me, dad waved at son. I could see her belly from up in the pickup from where I stood on the porch - she looks pregnant! I have not seen her face to face in three months. ohmygosh, what is going on now?
nickclick
no way! did your son notice that too? how does/would he feel about that?

hang in there.
jami
son only was looking at father.
he hates her anyway for what she's done to us. (she was the one seeking out husband)
and there's a 18 year difference there, too.
snarky7
aw, jami - how long til you are out? you so need away from that and from them. it is hard to see that. besides, you need to find yourself a fab guy too, and how can you do that when you have them to deal with? i can't believe she could be preggo... just wrong and awful. but hey, brightside, if she is, she'll soon be lacking the stamina and desire to have sex with your ex - might piss him off to be without ANY.... ha ha ha, sucks to be him.

hang in there!
jami
it will be at least six months till this is done. he's not turning in documents until my lawyer files against him in court. prolonging this. he wants me to be uncomfortable and just leave. but I will not leave without my son. and he's had court say that son cannot leave the state.
and if he files a certain paper in court - and he might - my lawyer will file against it - and everything in FROZEN for six months before we can go to court again about the divorce.
the next court date is next week.
Typewriter

Wandering Jack and I split on Saturday night. Six days earlier, he was telling me how dedicated he was, how happy he was to be in a relationship with me. I'd spent a weekend at his apartment, fun and comfortable, and feeling - at last - as though I'd found a home. But then? No sign of him all week, and I cried and cried because I knew he was changing his mind. The commitment freaked him out ... Or else he did something bad and he's too cowardly to admit it ... Either way, he doesn't feel like I should be brought down by someone like him, and he encouraged me to walk away. Finally ... After eight months of nothing but love for him, I walked away.

sad.gif Broken heart!

My Moving On story is so pathetic compared to the seriousness of most in this thread, but Jack was my first. Nobody's ever torn me up like this. But then, I'm young. I guess there's a whole lifetime of total agony to look forward to.

Jami - I wish you the very best of luck with this mess. I wish I could offer you some kind of encouragement or advice, but in all honesty, I just believe that karma will get this guy in the end. He can't put you through such misery and not get what's coming to him. You're doing the right thing, fighting. I'm pulling for you in spirit.
jami
Typewriter - so sad to hear about Jack. truly. you sound so clear headed, you astound me.

tomorrrow is court for me, everyone. please send me your good vibes. so much sh*t he's throwing my way.
I hate to say it, but I am getting so tired. almost feel like giving up. almost. won't though. need to get out of here.

and on a happier note: HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICKCLICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~jami~
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