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nickclick
good news jami! and good kids you've raised!
carnescarnes
*delurks*

Assuming that no news is good news, I'm glad all is quiet! But I also wanted to make sure this thread didn't disappear into the ether - I made a lot of use of it at one point.

So... BUMP

Best wishes to all!

*relurks*
nickclick
hi carnes, thanks for checking in, and glad all is well.

i have a moving on-related story..... i sent out my christmas cards last week, including one to my ex and his girlfriend, who live together. i'm polite and shit like that. so anyway she sends me this dripping-with-snot email about how i shouldn't include her in my correspondence with him because we're not friends nor acquaintances and she'd be polite to me if we were ever forced in a public situation (we were a few months ago, and she was) but not to assume any more. my 'correspondence' (in other words, the two cards a year that i send, christmas and birthday) is somehow interfering with her present and future with her man, who's a good man and wants nothing more to do with me.

what the? i sent a christmas card! i responded that i was only using the manners my momma taught me and i wasn't applying for her friendship in any way whatsoever. i also pointed out that we'd always be acquaintances and referred her to a dictionary. her response was that my manners are slipping based on my rude response. well, my momma also taught me to have self-respect and stick up for myself. and PS i was the breakup-er and am now quite happily coupled. the life that she is currently 'enjoying' is the one i escaped almost 2 years ago.

does anyone else have insecure mates of exes harrassing them? or am i special?
jami
Nick...
yeah.......uh.........no
this chickie's got some problems
I don't see this anything to do with you in any way. I do not see you as being the harrassing or antagonistic one at all.
you're just being you're 'ol sweet self. just shake this one off, love.
~jami~





QUOTE(nickclick @ Dec 13 2007, 03:07 PM) *
hi carnes, thanks for checking in, and glad all is well.

i have a moving on-related story..... i sent out my christmas cards last week, including one to my ex and his girlfriend, who live together. i'm polite and shit like that. so anyway she sends me this dripping-with-snot email about how i shouldn't include her in my correspondence with him because we're not friends nor acquaintances and she'd be polite to me if we were ever forced in a public situation (we were a few months ago, and she was) but not to assume any more. my 'correspondence' (in other words, the two cards a year that i send, christmas and birthday) is somehow interfering with her present and future with her man, who's a good man and wants nothing more to do with me.

what the? i sent a christmas card! i responded that i was only using the manners my momma taught me and i wasn't applying for her friendship in any way whatsoever. i also pointed out that we'd always be acquaintances and referred her to a dictionary. her response was that my manners are slipping based on my rude response. well, my momma also taught me to have self-respect and stick up for myself. and PS i was the breakup-er and am now quite happily coupled. the life that she is currently 'enjoying' is the one i escaped almost 2 years ago.

does anyone else have insecure mates of exes harrassing them? or am i special?

girlygirlgag
QUOTE(nickclick @ Dec 13 2007, 03:07 PM) *
hi carnes, thanks for checking in, and glad all is well.

i have a moving on-related story..... i sent out my christmas cards last week, including one to my ex and his girlfriend, who live together. i'm polite and shit like that. so anyway she sends me this dripping-with-snot email about how i shouldn't include her in my correspondence with him because we're not friends nor acquaintances and she'd be polite to me if we were ever forced in a public situation (we were a few months ago, and she was) but not to assume any more. my 'correspondence' (in other words, the two cards a year that i send, christmas and birthday) is somehow interfering with her present and future with her man, who's a good man and wants nothing more to do with me.

what the? i sent a christmas card! i responded that i was only using the manners my momma taught me and i wasn't applying for her friendship in any way whatsoever. i also pointed out that we'd always be acquaintances and referred her to a dictionary. her response was that my manners are slipping based on my rude response. well, my momma also taught me to have self-respect and stick up for myself. and PS i was the breakup-er and am now quite happily coupled. the life that she is currently 'enjoying' is the one i escaped almost 2 years ago.

does anyone else have insecure mates of exes harrassing them? or am i special?



Does she have mental problems? I think she does.
nickclick
quite possibly. a mutual friend says she dated a lot of cheaters in the past. so if she's got insecurity issues, she's gotta work them out with her boyfriend, not send her crazy over my way.
jami
Hi Nick. yeah, she's the one with problems. try not to let it get to you.

lamex did not accept my counter to his settlement. he wants to give me 1/3. of course my counter was different.
this means a trial in about a year. his lawyer is 2 to 3 times what mine costs, eating away at proceeds. and he still does not see son, and did not even call last month. home sale may be within three weeks. proceeds frozen till judge makes a decision on who gets what. but where do son and I live in the meantime? oh, and once home sells, it's 30 days for us to move. we don't even have our stuff split up yet. and we've been at it over 10 months.

nothing new really, just wanted to update.
~jami~
nickclick
thanks jami.

one day, and one chore, at a time! stay in good spirits, and oh, have some spirits too.... enjoy the holiday season with your sons. and look forward to the new year that will continue to bring better news.
fuzzz_brain
I'm fairly sure this is the right place for this.

I can sort of sympathize with crazy ex because well...

My boyfriend of three months and I had a really open relationship when it came to sex. Both of us were allowed to sleep with other people as long as:
A. We wore protection
B. We told the sexual partner we were in a relationship

Neither of us had actually slept with anyone else, until I got a call yesterday afternoon. My boyfriend tells me he's slept with someone else. I tell him that's fine. Then I asked, "So you used a condom right?"

Nope. When I asked why he didn't he said, "It's an ex, and she's sterile."(Boyfriend is a good two decades my senior) I reasonably say he's not getting into bed with me again until he gets tested or wears a condom. At this point he informs me he plans to keep seeing the ex sexually. After a few more minutes of conversation I realize he's dumping me in a fabulous passive-aggressive manner.

The worst part? He didn't tell her about me, despite the fact we have unprotected sex. He essentially dismissed me completely and the last three months we'd been together.

How did they hook back up?

She sent him a Christmas card. I kid you not ladies. They went out to coffee and apparently decided to get back together.

He want to still be "friends". I would never be friends with a person who lies to a woman in a way that could hurt her sexual health.

Blah.

He's coming by tomorrow to pick up his stuff.
nickclick
fuzzz, sorry to hear that. what's worse is the way he 'told' you, or rather, gave you the clues to figure it out. bleah. another reason you don't need his friendship. besides, in my experience, trying to maintain as friends is his attempt at having you absolve his guilt. he should feel guilty. and you have better friends.

how'd it go when he came for his stuff?

wow, i guess my ex-bf's gifrlfiend is right.... a christmas card IS evil!

fuzzz_brain
He came by yesterday to pick up his things. Did I mention that he dumped me two days before Christmas Eve?

I essentially told him he'd managed to crush what little faith I had in men, and hurt me the most by making me just an insignificant detail in the long road back to this ex. He claimed all of this was in my head, and he never "forgot" about me.

He tried to tell me that everything happened like a "hurricane" or "tornado" and I'm just a victim of their world-ending love. Or something.

When I pointed out that he didn't even tell her about me? He replied, "She never asked." with a smile that nearly killed me. He then rambled on about planning for the long-term, and taking the safer bet. Because I'm actually a racehorse.

He also tried to "help" me by suggesting that I get through this by trying to improve myself, because that's what he does when he's dumped.

The whole thing was terrible because we were both wearing gruesome masks of complete calm and control, and trying to one-up the other in the graciousness category.

But yeah nickclick, you're right. HE tried to make me feel like I was being immature and childish for not understanding that he HAD to get back with his ex. His parting shot was, "Well, call me if you reconsider the friend thing."

However I still remember how his voice sounded on the phone when he called. He did feel bad, he does feel bad, and he will feel bad. I also know everytime she has a "headache" or is "too tired", he'll spare a thought for the girl who never said no.

I did get two great lines in though. When he asked me if I wanted my x-mas present, I said, "I would rather vomit in my shoes and walk in them for a week." and when he kept talking about being friends I said, "When all is said and done, you're still they guy that dumped me two days before Christmas."

At least I think I said that. I was all hopped up on adrenaline and nerves. I know at least I didn't cry.

Buddha! This is long!
zoya
**de-lurks**

FB - ok, at the risk of sounding insensitive (and believe me, I'm not - I'm the WORST at break ups) I'm gonna say it anyway..

he sounds like a jerk.

fuck that guy.

**re-lurks**
nickclick
totally. fuck that guy.

cry some, then moooove on!
fuzzz_brain
Thanks ladies. I've already come to that conclusion myself.

And I didn't even need to cry! As one friend put it: "He's like a little girl who believes in fairies and unicorns. Becuase you should totally understand his 'hurricane' of love and be best friends forever!"

At least I have a date next week.
smarttart
Has anyone experienced the guy that is "too nice"? I think I've come to this conclusion about the guy I've been seeing. He's everything I've ever wanted- but there's no challenge- everything I want I get, and he'll do anything for me anytime, constantly complimenting me and being sooooo nice. I never thought I'd be saying that I didn't want those things, but it turns me off! Please tell me I'm not crazy! I don't like Jerks, but I don't need someone I can boss around!
emmabove
QUOTE(smarttart @ Jan 7 2008, 06:02 PM) *
Has anyone experienced the guy that is "too nice"? I think I've come to this conclusion about the guy I've been seeing. He's everything I've ever wanted- but there's no challenge- everything I want I get, and he'll do anything for me anytime, constantly complimenting me and being sooooo nice. I never thought I'd be saying that I didn't want those things, but it turns me off! Please tell me I'm not crazy! I don't like Jerks, but I don't need someone I can boss around!


Yes... and he was very handsome and also... French!

But our phone conversations primarily consisted of him telling me how he wanted to give me a massage the next time he saw me, how he was counting down the minutes until he could see me again. He told me that I was "jolie comme une fleur." At first, I was enchanted. Then, it got old. I didn't want a flipping massage@! I wanted to talk about stuff.

There were other things that were not so great about our relationship. He was out of a job and wanted to come live in the States, where he thought that he, despite not speaking a lick of English, would be able to find work as a landscape designer. He didn't really have any friends. So it might be possible that his doting got on my nerves because it- along with his dark Gallic eyes- distracted me from the problems that we would never ultimately be able to surmount.

Meanwhile, I just broke up with a guy that I've been with for about a year because I feel that he doesn't pay enough attention to me. He is sweet, hilarious, and very smart. His journalism career is just taking off, and he's very caught up in it. Our schedules are opposite. But I've been doing what I do for about 4 years, so I have more control over my schedule, and can squeeze in an extra night here or there. We'll make plans and then... he'll forget. Or he's tired. I understand the reality of it, but it still hurts, and I just can't take it anymore. It crushes me every time.

I'd never really initiated a breakup before. And now I know why. Bleh.
candycane_girl
I've never been in this thread but two weeks ago I was dumped by a guy that I had been seeing for just over two months and I'm going crazy. He keeps popping up in my mind and I can't stop thinking about him and it's so depressing. I have no idea how to just move on, instead I feel lonely and sorry for myself all the time! Suggestions are welcome.
nickclick
(((emma))) and (((candycane_girl)))

i've been both the breaker and the breakee, and both suck dick real bad.

my suggestion is to find distractions, and quick. occupy yourself with friends, going out, see lots of movies. do fun, mindless things. oh, and retail therapy. buy something that makes you feel gorgeous. because now's the time you often forget how gorgeous and loveable you are.
candycane_girl
Thanks nickclick. Oh how I wish I could indulge in some retail therapy but I am so broke right now. I've hung out with friends and gone to movies but it's like...he's always on my mind!! In fact, last night I had a dream that he was in the local newspaper.
emmabove
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Jan 29 2008, 10:36 AM) *
Thanks nickclick. Oh how I wish I could indulge in some retail therapy but I am so broke right now. I've hung out with friends and gone to movies but it's like...he's always on my mind!! In fact, last night I had a dream that he was in the local newspaper.


Yep, my now-ex is on my mind all the time, too. Some days I wake up feeling great, with a real sense of freedom. Some mornings, such as this one, I want to cry. Either way, however I feel, it's in relation to how I'm feeling about our split.

When I'm upset, then I blow everything out of proportion, making grandiose statements about love, life, and myself (such as, I'm too stubborn. Nothing ever lasts, doesn't life suck? Maybe this was a mistake. He was losing interest because it was really just a relationship of convenience). But, as my momma told me (single for like eons, by the way), making statements like these are coping mechanisms, distracting us from actually feeling. Instead of just letting myself be sad, I'll get self-loathing, nihilistic, or self-pitying. I'd choose sadness over any of these last indulgent 3 any day.

Days are okay - I get distracted at work, and my co-workers are great. But it's nights that are hard. I drank half a bottle of wine and ended up watching some movie that was in Dutch and was too lazy to even turn on the subtitles. Which reminds me of the time we got stoned and watched this very silly movie called "Mon Oncle" to an Arcade Fire album, kind of like how people watch the Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon. We had the best time... and I can't imagine feeling comfortable enough with anybody else I know to do something so absurd.

Anyways, if it was meant to be, then this won't be the end. That's the way I console myself about the "mistake" part, anyways.
But then I dreamt that he slept with somebody else - a rebound. And that was so painful.

Distractions... hm. Not the booze. I gotta keep telling myself that.

If there is a Trader Joe's near you, I suggest going and flirting with the boys that work there. It seems like they coach those boys in charming the pants off their customers. But maybe it's just this one.
nickclick
QUOTE(emmabove @ Feb 1 2008, 03:04 PM) *
If there is a Trader Joe's near you, I suggest going and flirting with the boys that work there. It seems like they coach those boys in charming the pants off their customers. But maybe it's just this one.

it's true! i thought i was special..... ah well, i don't care.

one thing i can guarantee, from experience, is that even tho you think you'll NEVER find someone to (blank) with you, someone who understands you just like he did, someone that just 'gets' you ever again... you will. i used to think i was such a weirdo spazz and that i found the only other weirdo spazz in a 50 mile radius who would put up with me. so not true. besides, you change and what you want changes too. hang in there!
emmabove
Thanks, NickClick. I hadn't thought of that, but there's definitely a part of me that thinks that he's the best I could ever do. Which is sort of true - he's awesome - but it remains that everything is wrong place, wrong time; and maybe "the One" stuff is all Hollywood drivel.

I think that getting over it really requires some perspective. I've been in good relationships and bad relationships, and have had good breakups and bad breakups. I can at least say that this will probably be the most gracious breakup I've ever had, and that the journalist formerly known as boyfriend and I will probably remain friends.
It's nice to know there's somebody where the love was there, but it didn't work out because of circumstances; and to have admitted that before things got really ugly.
candycane_girl
Well, I had a teeny bit of retail therapy yesterday. I bought myself some Lush hair conditioner. And peach schnapps. Anyway, yesterday was weird cause he came over and we hung out just as friends. Originally we were going to go to the movies but there was a terrible storm and I had a headache and didn't want to go out. It was alright. Honestly, I think I just miss the cuddling and the making out.

Right now I am taking comfort in the fact that whenever he went down on me he couldn't get me off. And even though I would never have been with him forever anyway, this is really comforting because whoever I end up with will have to be able to get me off.

Sometimes I feel like telling him how much he hurt me but I don't, because I don't see how that would help anything.
octobersky
Last night I was a teeny bit stoned and I decided to google an ex-boyfriend or two. I looked up one from about six/seven years ago, I know slightly pathetic, but I was stoned and highly curious. So anyway this exbf when we dated was seriously hot (that was not the entire reason I dated him) he kinda had a Heath Ledger/Bruce Springsteen thing going for him at the time. Knowing him I just assumed that he would always sort of look like that, but alas no!! I actually found a picture of him online and wow - it's really hard to believe that this is the same person - his entire face/body is different, though I'd recognize his eyes anywhere, he's just aged dramatically. I really don't wish any ill will on him or anything and I'm not gloating that he hasn't aged well, I was just shocked to see that 'cause he would have been one of the last people I thought would age that way. He was always into outdoor things, ate well and was just young in his demeanor/expressions. Just strange, but it kinda helped me move on and wrap up a loose end or two.

I briefly thought about contacting him, the site I found his picture would be easy to do, but I really don't think it would be a good idea to open that can of worms. I'm just curious about what he's been doing since we last spoke. Moving on is never easy, even years later!!
jami
another update. the ranch sold... that's the house, cattle, horses, equipment, property, everything. and I didn't have 30 days to vacate. I had 10. the money is being held until the divorce is final.
I'd found a mobile home to live in. the only rental within 50 miles. son and I finnished moving in three days ago.
I was so sick, but I had to keep on going because of the time table. I ended up with bronchitis and a sinus infection, but not quite to pneumonia.
lamex had come onto the property (when he wasn't supposed to) and stole everything that pretty much wasn't nailed down. he stole my mom's furniture, washer and dryer, my bed and linens and my antique dresser. it was insane. police would not stop him as they said it was community property. uh - no - my mother's property. (she died last month, and everything was willed to my boys). the father stole from his children.
I'm trying to get this settled. he won't sign divorce papers. yet. it's better money wise if he does. he has to realize this soon.
nickclick
jami, i'm sorry to hear about your mother. wow, lamex is really a professional a-hole! take care in your new rental.
jami
thanks Nick.

I catch myself calling her, or stop myself when I'm about to buy something for her. I'm not used to her not being here.

Lamex signed the papers. now I have to wait for the judge to sign off.
sexysandee
Hello, I am new to this thread.
I was in a relationship with M. I decided to break up with him and move on to better things.
Alone feels better right now. Anyway... he was in prison for 7 years... I later found out that he had been in for 5 years before the 7... it was hard for me to deal with someone being 34 years old and spending 12 of those years in jail. I have decided to go the... no more ex-con route.

Much to surprise and delight, I didn't cry this weekend at all. I wondered how he felt and wondered what he was thinking, but more as a I wonder if he is going to call and call me a few names.

I did hear shots at 3 in the morning the scared the crap out of me, but I realized that the kids often play with blackcats and they light them in hopes of scaring the pigeons... I have strange kids living in my neighborhood.

I hope everyone is doing well, I am now going to read the last few posts.
emmabove
Things aren't getting any easier, especially now that the reality of not having him in my life anymore is setting in.

I was sick with the stomach flu last week, and although I made the best of it, catching up on sleep and reading, I also had a lot of time to contemplate my ex and feel sorry for myself. I guess I am at a point where I feel like I gave him so much that I deserved more than the non-committal lines. But, deserving or not, I can't change the fact that our relationship was becoming increasingly eclipsed by his other interests - namely, his career. And that's hard not to take personally.

And for roughly the past year, we would talk on the phone every day. We'd have great conversations and laugh a lot. Our sex was always good- every single goddamn time. I miss it. And I really thought that such a connection was worth fostering, but I guess he didn't feel as strongly about it.

I've resisted the urge to call him - it's been about three weeks - and the only reason I hold back is because I remember what a dear friend said to me... if you call, you might just get hurt again.

My only consolation is that I put my foot down, and that even though I still feel very much in love with him, I wasn't just going to sacrifice myself in silence.

And, I'm trying out a new approach to dealing with my frustration and anger. Every time I catch myself thinking, "He didn't really love me," "He's emotionally stunted," "He'll get what he deserves," etc., I try to direct my attention back to the here and now - to myself. I will just run myself into the ground if I continue to analyze and criticize way up in the clouds of bitter abstraction. I could float there, frowning down on him, for all eternity. I love him, he's flawed, and so am I. I loved him in despite of his flaws; and now is the time to love myself and my flaws. Because I may not be with him for life, but I'm going to have to accept these flaws of mine - and better sooner than later. So last night, instead of falling asleep with a shitstorm of expletives whirling around in my head, I was thinking, "Ah, how I do love my pot belly. The wiry hairs on my toes. My sore back, my repeated failed attempts to quit smoking. How readily my anger flares up when I am trying to do anything technical with computers. As irritating as they can be, they are a part of who I am, and I'm tired of fighting them."

And I've found that my body relaxes, and I don't feel so helpless, nor alone.
sexysandee
My ex called me the other night. He asked what I was doing and I just said "sleeping" he said "okay, I'll let you go, bye" and that was that. Yesterday, I almost cried thinking about how I should have talked to him. I know it was for the best, but why does it have to be so hard? sad.gif
nickclick
stay strong sandee. if it makes you cry to talk to him, no matter how curious or tempted you are, don't answer the phone! i know, it's hard. i remember after i first left my bf, whenever i felt depressed the first person i'd want to call to make me feel better was my bf. and if i did, he usually did the exact opposite of making me feel better. don't torture yourself. distract yourself! and you'll soon find you're thinking about him a little less every day.
sexysandee
Thank you smile.gif

I just feel so lost.
I love him... If I said I didn't I would be lying, but I am just not willing to lose everything.
I just have to remember that this too shall pass.
fuzzz_brain
Sandee-

You're right,it WILL pass. Of course I can say this now, but back during my last break-up I thought I was going to die, or never find anyone again. I spent the first few weeks torturing myself about what he was doing. Or imagining us getting back together.

Like everything else, it fades. Eat some ice cream, watch a sappy movie, and go re-read the story of my dad walking in on me during sex. Because it's better to laugh than cry.

Seriously, I have millions of stories that will make you wet yourself, just ask.

Lots of love toy ou.
sexysandee
Ohh, now I want ice cream, lol.

Thank you for the kind words
jami
news:

as of 12:47pm today.

I am divorced.

going out tomorrow to celebrate.

(snoopy dance)


auralpoison
YES!! HUZZAH!! AFTER MORE THAN A YEAR, OUR JAMI IS FREE AT LAST, FREE AT LAST, THANK GODDESS ALMIGHTY, SHE IS FREE AT LAST!
nickclick
yay jami! have a fun nite out as a SINGLE WOMAN!
dani1983
Congratss!!


I don't know where in this board I posted some months ago that I thought this guy I was dating (and living with) was cheating on me? well i found out he was "talking" with his ex again , and of course as soon as I found out (new year's day, yay!) I told him directly. Well, 2 months later, he's still living with me! he doesn't want to freaking move and we got into a big fight last sunday! he keeps denying he ever saw his ex again, he keeps saying he doesn't talk with her anymore, etc ! i don't understand this man, doesn't he really I'm sooo over him? i just want him out of my place so I can live my life at peace!
What's funny is that when I found out that he was talking with her again (and were actually going to meet at a hotel for new year, how disgusting) , instead of feeling sad I felt relieve! my gut feeling was right!

What I learned from this is:
1) TRUST your gut feeling.
2) If he lied before, he'll lie AGAIN. Same counts for him cheating, if he has done it before, he'll do it again.
3) Most men never change.
4) Yay to being single!
jami
thanks AP
thanks NickClick.
you two were the first ones here to befriend me. you mean the world to me. you helped me thru many an awful time. I want you to know that I appreciate you being there for me.
Hugs,
~jami~

and thanks to Dani, too.
kittenb
Yay for Jami!!!
sexysandee
Way to go Jami!!!
mouse
ladies---sorry to barge in here so unannounced (WOOO JAMI! YEAH!!! CONGRATS) but i could benefit from some advice.

my ex has written me an email--not a long one, just one line, saying basically long time no talk, how am i doing. we haven't been in touch now for about two months, not out of any split or bad feelings but just neither bothered to contact the other. we are on cordial terms.

the history is complicated--we only dated for about five months, but ended up tumultuously sleeping together for TWO YEARS after that (i am not exaggerating. it was two years almost to the day), which was full of lots of "omigod we can't do this we have to stop doing this we're not doing this anymore"-two weeks later-Y HALO THAR naked on his couch, etc. we also moved across the country together and went through a lot of major life changes together and were really quite intimate for those two years. we finally stopped sleeping together about ten months ago, and there was a period of a few months when i forbid him to be in contact with me. since that let up, and we've been, as i said, cordial, we've emailed back and forth quite a few times and hung out maybe three times, all of which were very breif (my m.o., not his) and civil.

the problem is, i was just getting comfortable with him gone from my life in a natural way (i.e., not as a result of a fight or my saying "please don't"). i don't want to be in touch with him. maybe in the future, but not right now. i'm over him in the sense that if he were to offer i wouldn't take him back, and i don't think about him regularly, but i still don't want to know if or who he may be dating. neither do i want to know what six-figure job he's working at now, how his fancy new car is doing, whether he went on any trips lately, who he's been hanging out with, whether he's still in his old apartment, and CERTAINLY not how his family is doing (especially not his biological-clock-terrifyingly cute nephew, or his mom who i got along great with). i do not want to know anything about his life.

if i DON'T reply, however, he will feel hurt and resentful and will think i am mad at him, and this will cause bad feelings in a situation where before there were neutral feelings.

what the hell should i do?

all help much appreciated <3
fuzzz_brain
My advice is simple.

Write him a very detached and somewhat chilly reply. Nothing that will hurt his feelings, just something vague, short and cordial. Answer his questions, but don't ask any of your own. Hopefully he will get the message and not be too upset.
zoya
mouse -

I say if fuzz brain's advice resonates with you, do it. But if you feel like that would be too vague, then just go for it and tell him why - just do it in a nice, caring way. I think you pretty much said it all below - you have a great life right now, and you're happy that you've both been living your lives separately in a 'natural' way, not a forced separation. Right now, you feel its best that you're not in communication with him because you feel like it will put you back into that place of going through that cycle with him.

I don't feel like there's anything wrong with saying the above to him. It's not like he's ignorant of the fact that you guys have a pattern, and I think it would be perfectly ok to tell him that you need to break that pattern right now.

A few years ago, I told a guy friend that I had this pattern of sleeping with each time I saw him that I just couldn't see him anymore. It wasn't like I did it overnight, it took me like a year to finally be in a place where I just couldn't deal with the rollercoaster anymore and one night when he called up, I just told him I couldn't see him. We didn't talk for almost 6 months, and one day I just wanted to say hi, so I did. He got back to me a few days later, we kinda talked the whole thing out, and we've been great friends ever since (no sex anymore) Not to say that this will happen with you and ex, but just using it to illustrate that sometimes I think that honesty (but in a thought out, nice way) is the best policy with people that know me well. It makes me feel better than making 'em wonder.

For me, I think the hardest part of just saying why was that if I did, then it was me putting a voice on closing a door - ending that phase of things (and possibly ending my relationship with him for good) and I realize now that that was the scariest part. I knew what I wanted (well, didn't want) but actually taking that step to own it out loud to him was a big step for me. But it did feel better once I did.

anyhoo, just my .02 cents.
fuzzz_brain
Zoya makes sense too. I guess you just need to evaluate you relationship and decide what will work for you.
sexysandee
I thought I had moved on and just like that I am right back in it. I am so confused you guys mellow.gif
mouse
thanks zoya and fuzz--i tried just being vague, but he wrote right back. i suppose i have to come to terms with the fact that he is not, actually, out of my life yet. which is fine. it's a process, just i thought we were further along than we are. i'm just going to keep being cordial and vague and answer his questions but not ask any of my own and hopefully it will eventually fade out again.

zoya, i wish i could just say it to him. but that's the issue--it wouldn't be natural, then. and while he might understand, it would still create negative feelings and conflict, and that's, i feel, going back into it instead of just letting it peter out on its own. there's no danger of us sleeping together again, i just don't care to know about his life.

eh.
nickclick
fuck myspace! i spied and found out my ex is engaged. the idiot was with me for 9 years and fussed anytime i mentioned marriage. now he's with this whoever for less than 2 years and they're getting married. my rational mind is quite happy i'm not married to/marrying him. i am silly happy with my mr.nick. so why does it bother me? probably because i'm on the rag. ugh.
sexysandee
Yes, I agree FUCK MYSPACE.... I always end up upsetting myself when I go on there and look up people. Even though I tell myself that I am going to let things go and not get myself all worked up.
sexysandee
I forgot the rest of my post ---->

So M is making my life miserable. We talked last week and everything seemed okay... now he hasn't called in 5 days... I regret not trully moving on. I shuld of listened to my heart and to all of the amazing busties that gave me advice. I have cried more than I ever have and I am ready to smile again. I am deleting all his pictures and his numbers from my phone and finally letting go. I hate this phase. I always tend to feel so alone and that I will never meet anyone ever again.
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