Apr 23 2006, 07:48 AM
OH geez, I just slept with my ex AGAIN. And he stayed over. Stupid, stupid me. Would someone please kick me in the head? Apparently, I cannot spend ANY time alone with this guy AT ALL. It's dumb that we live in the same neighborhood and run into one another constantly. What's clear though, is that I really really don't think I want to get back together with guy, EVER. He's far too screwed up. I'm not delusional, it's just being horny, but this whole thing makes me wonder if we ever really had a real relationship at all, and if it wasn't just physical. He did the whole loves me, cares for me, misses me thing, which I never reciprocate in telling him, but my god...this boy has poor impulse control and doesn't know how to be a proper ex and apparently I don't either. I will be persuing the NO CONTACT rule from now on. Not even returning text messages. It's not like I've never had ex-sex with other previous boyfriends, but now I feel like I just don't want to start going down that road again...
I just cannot trust my crotch...
Apr 23 2006, 03:40 PM
autumn- must resist the sex from ex. fight it.
Apr 24 2006, 10:18 AM
I was doing the sex thing with my ex but it's gone away.I've been empowering myself, I went out of town this weekend and I gained perspective.
He's a total asshole and I do not care about him at all.Seriously, the problem with losers is that we don't understand why they don't give us what we want.It's because they are losers.
He's a loser eventually he will be old and alone and probably with the boys at some table, alone, alone, alone.
Don't be too hard on yourself autumn24, what's the point?
My insight is.. what do we do eventually with the free time used on an abusive relationship? once we get over it? That's my thing, what drives me to go down and avenue of longing? why doesn't he love me? shit? well lets see...
it doesn't matter and I'm bored.There are relationships out there where the guy isn't a jerk pushing your buttons.There are smoother relationships.
I have beautiful friend's who have been diminished trying to get a man to realize their wonderfulness, it needs to stop.
If I become a single woman alone than so be it.Does having someone worship me make me intelligent, beautiful, funny, talented and charismatic?
Because I am all of those things, why the hell do I need someone to prove that?
Apr 24 2006, 02:29 PM
simple as that. think, cheating, abusive, controlling, manipulative.
AND HE WILL NOT CHANGE.
You deserve better. Change your number, throw away your phone, get friends to physically restrain you.
DO NOT GO.
Apr 24 2006, 07:24 PM
I'm getting away from my guy, at the end of the month.I'm having a baby and he's going away to apparently to work in some sort of oil industry.
Anyways, I am getting over him, it's hard to deal with life when your attached to someone, one tends to avoid friend's etc...
Um...how is everyone else?
Apr 24 2006, 09:58 PM
Ugh, i'm getting so frusturated. It's been 9 months now since we broke up but we're still friends and talk online at least once a day.
I feel like i'm stuck in limbo, between moving on or going back. And sometimes I like that, that I'm genuinly pretty happy on my own. But sometimes I'd like to just move on and meet someone new or figure out if I want to go back or not.
I don't meet a lot of guys who catch my interest but I did try to see someone new. We were only together for about 2 weeks and it was awful. I lost interest and then he just annoyed me and all I wanted was to be on my own or back with Brian. I'm not a casual dater so I guess I always feel like I'm looking for something long term when I am looking.
For those of you who stayed friends right after the breakup how long did you feel you were ready to date seriously again?
(I did actually meet someone on the weekend who I was into who seemed really nice, normal, funny, and handsome...until I found out he was 34...I'm only 20, but this guy could have passed for early twenties. Oh well...I'll keep waiting I guess.)
Apr 25 2006, 08:05 AM
oops, double post...........
Apr 25 2006, 08:06 AM
The last one, six months, I saw him once a week.I actually slept with him too.Then I ended up meeting somebody else.Unfortunately, the last one has broken up with me on and off for 10 months.This is the tricky part.
Once you do get to the point where you start dating, I'd say your guy is likely to reappear.It's up to you, my biggest thing is that I went out with nice guys for years, so expect them all to be like this.It's almost as if I have been testing myself.Not conciously but subconciously, it's been going on for years.
Then I started dating mean guys it became a pattern.I have a history of seeing men who destablelize me.
It's not until recently I've decided to stop.My situation is a little special but...
I did find that after going away this weekend I had more perspective.You quit when you quit there's no deadline.
However, while in the thick of it, things get tricky.Go easy on yourself, back off don't see him anymore from friend's never jives with me.
But honoring yourself and having friend's who you can honestly talk to helps a lot.
It sounds really crazy perhaps no one suffers from this affliction but .... I have also hung on to relationships because I wanted a baby.
I'm now having one and from my previous posts and my history, you might think I was a lost cause.However, things have turned out great.
I've got support and he'll be born in the next month.My focus has shifted, perhaps maybe it's hormones because we simply wanted to reproduce.
Trying to find the right man for years, I have found myself and the baby, nothing matters anymore.
Apr 25 2006, 12:39 PM
jazmyn13....That is the first time I actually believe that I should not go. I guess I am such a stubborn woman that I dont want to give up that easy and I wish i had more friends to help me from calling the ex. I want to move on but I think I am having sentimental issues. I was with a wonderful man the other day and I actually asked him to be mean to me so I could feel normal because the niceness was so good it was uncomfortable. I plead temporary insanity.
Formerlycl it seems you found your reason to change the thinking in your life and that is great. I guess I feel that I want to be needed by someone so i hang on to this monster because I THINK he needs me. This other man said to me he knows I love this monster but wanted to know why I would put myself through all the crap...I think part of me uses him as a safety net so I never have to be close to a nice guy and get hurt by him. The nice guy wants to show me what nice is just at a friend level and that scares the hell out of me. Why would someone want to do that? I am a basketcase and still happy so whats the problem?
I also feel that moving on means I erase the monsters memories and they were not all bad but I am not ready to let go of the good ones.
When I read this stuff and write I feel ten times better but i can't be trusted by myself and when I add alcohol to my misery thats just trouble.
Apr 25 2006, 06:09 PM
"feel that I want to be needed by someone so I hang on to this monster because I THINK he needs me."
-what do you need? I find that I feel sorry for my ex a lot, who's more important? me or him?
"I think part of me uses him as a safety net so I never have to be close to a nice guy and get hurt by him."-I know that feeling, go easy on yourself, but... eventually you'll get to a point where you don't need this anymore.For me being alone is scary but it's a lot more scary for me to have a child in this situation(not that having a child is a good reason to get over masochistic co dependant relationships.
I understand the monster dynamic too well and I feel for you missdaisy.
I do think that Alcohol will exacerbate any depression and pain, what about pot?
Whenever, I tried to get over my guy in the past I would do my hair put on saomething nice and stare in myself at ,mirror until I realized how beautiful and amzing I was.
They take that away from you, they make you feel ugly, but ultimately you decide.Can you get out of town?
missdaisy hang in there, do what you need to do even if it means doing stuff your ashamed of.
how is autumn24? I used to go back to my guy and then disappear from this site from all on-line and friend contact.The net is fairly safe in terms of non- judgemental support.
I encourage anyone to say what you need to say, we're here to heal each other.(((erin))((jazmyn))
I am successfully moving on.. but it's in a crafty way.He called me his gf the other day, I just ignored it.Losers treat amazing woman like crap because they feel like crap, they're selfish.
They take up a lot of energy, how long does it take before we know it's over?
I could love this guy forever, I could love many exes, but it doesn't mean I'll let them drain the life out of me.
Don't get me wrong, I still feel like a shaking leaf half the time.But I am also stronger than ever..from 26 to 31 I have allowed myself to be walked on.
It's taken me a long time to get here, if anyone else can stop they're patterns sooner all the better.I highly suggest therapy..I stayed in another shitty relationship for years, but the therapy kept me going.The guy wanted me back after years of push me pull you by then it was too late.And that's the thing about these guys, they are all about being rejected by you eventually.Then they can cry in they're milk.
Not to say that some guys are alright and really just want to move on..I've noticed most of the returning people here are here because they are given mixed messages.
Don't think I haven't thrown myself at people, ah the shame in it.It doesn't mean I'm not smart, beautiful, talented and amazing, but I sure have waited to feel that way by the way these boys treated me.
Sorry a bit of a rant.Also, ((missdaisy)) for the first time in my life I don't have those guys hanging around, the ones that are waiting for me.
It's weird I'm a tomboy but I think because I'm still vulnerable the guy that worships me kind of makes it worse.I don't know how to explain it.
I'm all about the womankind thing.rant rant rant!
Apr 26 2006, 06:32 AM
Formerlycl... The need I have is to be the best at everything I do. I am horrible at relationships or horrible at chosing partners. This monster has me spinning in circles and I hate it. One minute he's nice the next he's a nasty creep. When we were intimate together he made me feel like the sexiest thing alive then a few hours later he detested me. I am afraid no one will make me feel sexy but I know men can be kind.
I always wanted to be in your position, with child, but that is just not in the cards for me. I am unsure of my purpose in life so having someone control me makes me not think about the non-direction in life I have.
I love hearing everyone's story or daily rants. Its very comforting mostly because my little sister is completely exhausted from hearing about the monster. She thinks she has to fix me but I just need someone to listen to my pain so I can hear it myself and just move on already.
Apr 26 2006, 10:14 AM
Missdaisy, you post on here all you want to... it is theraputic, and I can guarantee that none of us are sick of hearing these stories, because we're all going through the same thing.
I'm feeling like utter crap these days: almost as if I have completely back-slid to the days post-break up. It has been 7 weeks, so you'd think that I would be getting better and better but I seem to be getting worse. I am now back to crying everyday, whenever I am alone. I am so tired of this. I think maybe sleeping with him twice in these 7 weeks hasn't helped, but I think I would feel this way regardless. The last time we spoke, we both felt weird about sleeping together and agreed that that shouldn't happen. Then we both got pissy and annoyed with each other on the phone, and though we both apologized to one another, I haven't heard from him since.
I feel very used, though I was using the situation just as much as him. He just seems FINE with everything. He tells me he loves me, misses me, that I am one of his most favorite people in the world, but.... I guess he just can't stand to be with me.
I think all of this is made sharper by the fact that literally ALL my friends in this town are a) living with their significant others or b) are engaged to be married. I swear to god, if ONE MORE PERSON I know gets engaged, I am going to scream. I already have 3 weddings to go to/be in this year, I don't need any more. I just feel like I constantly get the shit end of the stick... I'm 31: I've never even legitimately LIVED with anyone, much less stayed with them for even 2 years.
I think I need to go into therapy because I feel like absolute SHIT.
Apr 26 2006, 10:39 AM
I get nostalgic sometimes. I think about what an incredible lover he was, how he looked when he was feeling tender and loving, and regret washes over me. Then I think about the coldness, the distance, the hurtful words, the distrust and anxiety. And I can't bring myself to cry. I cry when I talk about what I wanted from the relationship, the future I saw for us. But otherwise, I am determined to find a man who loves me, is passionate, faithful, family minded, and kind. He's out there, I just have to be patient in looking for him.
Apr 26 2006, 02:01 PM
Ok butsties I did it. I found a therapist and got a glimpse of my issues and he suggested a book to buy called "How to break your addiction to Love". So far It is 100% about everything I am going through. I am hoping it will really teach me to let go and MOVE THE FUCK ON!
Autumn24...I hate the crying stuff and alone time. I also have an eating disorder(yes I am a basket case of plenty) so being alone and crying for me is like a drunk in the middle of a liquor store. I really hate looking like I need pity from people but I want just one friend who says I CAN HELP YOU. Who do you turn to when you get "I'm feeling like utter crap these days"?
Jazmyn13... I can't say it enough you are an inspiration for strength. When I think about the monster being tender with me it always makes me cry, that was the best I ever felt with him and I am so scared no one will ever make me feel that way so I don't really hope for it I guess.
Apr 26 2006, 08:13 PM
hey missdaisy, that's a fantastic step. Believe me, this ability of mine to move forward is hard won. My ex and I broke up twice before so this was break up number three. This one feels much more permanent and "right" than the others for some reason. Perhaps he and I just fought ourselves to exhaustion or perhaps it just took this long for me to "get it". I very much sympathize with what you are going through. My ex was not the monster that yours sounds like but he was manipulative and emotionally abusive. It is so hard to recognize your own worth after dealing with someone like that. Keep fighting.
Apr 28 2006, 12:07 AM
I haven't posted for a while and have changed my handle because I realized a google search of my real name would pull my posts right up. I was the one nearing a year and still having break up depression and ugly scenes. I have no contact anymore with him or his friends and my life has moved into more of a routine. My biggest challenge now is cleaning up the financial and personal messes I made while I was obssessing over someone who was not worth it. I made bad decisions or no decisions for months about how to deal with money. I neglected my home, my health and my other relationships. I feel angry with myself for not snapping to reality sooner and I'm hoping I can give a little perspective to anyone who still has the opportunity to shake off the zombie effect and take care of themselves before they do any long term damage. I'm not sure at this point how much I could have done differently at the time, but I feel fairly certain I would have been content or even happy by now if I had stayed awake at the wheel all those months. I hope the people here have a speedier recovery.
Apr 28 2006, 08:11 AM
Hey, I hope everyone is doing ok today. Autumn, just want to say I feel for you. In my experience, moving back into an unhappy relationship just makes you more unhappy. Like the book says "It's called a break up because it's broken" so, you know, you should stay away from your ex. Easier said than done. My ex abandoned me recently after months and months of "I love you" "we're perfect together" "when will you move in?". Just like that, he dropped me. I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks BUT he has been emailing me cutesy flirty things that don't really say anything. I was responding but now I think I better not. It's just confusing and, frankly, hurtful. One of the girls he cheated with on me just sent a group email that says he'll be dj-ing in the record store she helps to manage. This is not the first time I have felt jealous and angry at the thought that they are still communicating and hanging out and who knows what else? I hate feeling angry like this and wish I could forget it. Instead, I feel like taking up bad vices again like smoking. Why is it that when we feel hurt, we want to hurt ourselves more instead of trying to make ourselves feel better? I wish I had a really great, cool, important distraction like planning a trip around the world. Why can't I win the lotto, then I would surely move on? Fuuuuck.
Apr 28 2006, 03:36 PM
What would you do ?
So a long long time ago I was married. We divorced not on great terms. We kind of just went diff ways and only talked to one another if need. Anyway Monday am serching myspace for a few people knew in high school and guess who I found. So the thing that of weirded me out is that under"people I would like to meet" there a photobucket. Of some really really old pic and there's one of me.
So am thinking maybe he put the pics up a didn't see the one of me maybe he didn't .Maybe he got it from a friend we share and didn't look at it close. I am not looking to start anything back up but I would like to even things out so to speak (mend a few fences) What would you do ? I thought about sending IM and saying Why do you have my pic up but BF says thats to harh
Apr 28 2006, 11:28 PM
I'd say something lunia666, trust yourself!!!!!
May 1 2006, 10:43 AM
I saw my ex yesterday. I had to go to where he works to pick up some shampoo and stuff (I refuse to not go there just because he MIGHT be working). I felt faint when I saw him (my luck, he happened to be standing right near the entrance when I walked in). We exchanged brief hello's (nothing more than that since he was working). He looked stricken. I tried to smile and be a little friendly but am not sure i was entirely successful. Afterward I felt phsycially ill in the parking lot and cried. I fucking hate love. This mornign he sends me a brief text asking how today's protests are going to affect my work. No, it's not "I love you and miss you" but I knew that he was going to contact me after seeing me. I knew it. Goddammit. I am NOT going to send him any messages or call him or anything. I will not be overtly rude but I am not going to get all friendly. I need time to heal dammit.
This blows. We are NOT good for each other, we DO NOT work well together. I do NOT want to get back together because it would be all the same shit. But I love him and I miss him. FUCK. why did he have to be working yesterday!?
May 1 2006, 10:59 AM
Hey Jaz, It's truly amazing to me how there are many of us that feel the way you are right now. All the IF ONLY HE WOULD....bullshit. Remember the misery. I was feeling pretty low today until I just read what you wrote.
I look to you busties for strength and eventhough we hurt and it sucks because these men don't really care we are still surviving without them.
What do you love about him and what do you really miss about him?
I love and miss my monster and I did a really stupid thing this weekend. I sent a message to his ex asking her to talk with me and what does she do?? She called him and told him I was harrassing her. IT WAS HER IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE BUT I WOULDNT TALK TO HER. So he totally freaked out at me and even threatened me. I love him but I am glad he is gone. I just am trying to move on but I kept making bad decisions.
When I read "We are NOT good for each other, we DO NOT work well together" but I love him and miss him... it's not real! We need to find the reason of not letting go completely. What are you hoping to happen?
May 1 2006, 11:41 AM
The fact that my pic is on my ex's myspace page really really really bugs me nobody else understands but it weirds me out
May 1 2006, 12:37 PM
jazmin, how about taking a hiatus from shopping there until you can handle seeing him without feeling so awful later? sounds like you set yourself up a little bit. and how about a text message back just saying "i'm not ready yet." clear and to the point.
sigh, so i'm an evil wicked witch of a woman for breaking up with him. he's just so freaking dramatic, what a diva. this time it's easy for me though, those good feelings got worn so thin that they're gone. thank goodness it's spring though so i'll have something to distract me from reminiscing if i get lonely. i can just go outside for a helping of eye candy and that'll cure that. maybe i'll even meet someone new... nah, not ready.
May 1 2006, 12:40 PM
lunia....what is it exactly that is bugging you out?? The fact that the picture is there or wondering if he still has thoughts about you?
May 1 2006, 04:16 PM
I think you're right pepper, about not shopping there. I didn't go in there with the intent to see him, it's a large store, he works at the back, the stuff I wanted was at the front, I didn't even think that he'd be working, and it was conveniently close to where I was already. I didn't expect to have that strong a reaction. I recovered a few minutes after I left but it is probably best I buy my shampoo and other stuff elsewhere. I'm just trying to live my life as normally as possible. I don't like feeling that i have to rearrange my routine because i'm afraid to run into him. We live in a relatively small town so I need to get used to seeing him because it's going to happen at some point. I'm leaving but not for a couple of months.
May 2 2006, 08:51 AM
Okay Busties...Just when i thought this was a safe place to express my most inner thoughts, the trust has been violated. Someone in here sent copies of my posts to the monster. I never mentioned his name because I thought this was suppose to be anonymous. I am not sure how this happened with his raging side only this puts me in more danger. I dont want to live my life in fear but I am afraid of what he could do.
May 2 2006, 08:57 AM
I guess if one of his friends knew my email address then they would know but I am feeling a little naive about writing stuff in here thinking it would be kept private. I guess this is one way of moving on and he did read my journal once so he violated my inner thoughts then and now he gets to do it again. WOW!
May 2 2006, 09:02 AM
ug. I keep doing inappropriate things with my ex... this past week I've been laid low with a pretty awful flu virus thing and of course, my ex is the only one to offer me help and understanding. We meet up for dinner, end up back at my house and are cuddling and he's kissing me, blah blah. But I didn't have sex with him. At least I have some restraint. Sigh. He ends up sleeping at my house, though. It's really hard when the person who dumps you is calling you 95 times a week asking you if your okay, and what can they do for you, and telling you you're cute.
This is bad. I know he isn't doing it to fuck with me ON PURPOSE, and I know he isn't doing it just for sex, we still love and care for one another quite a bit, but we're not together. This is all so stupid. I feel for all of us in here, it's hard.
May 2 2006, 09:26 AM
If you're really worried, of have some indication of a threat, maybe you should go to the police. Tell your friends immediately!
Autumn--Have you ever tried getting him to go to couples counseling? Most of us aren't born knowing how to be good mates. If he's game for it, maybe you should try.
Miss Daisy--as I mentioned before, when you sign up for this, they do not hide your personal information. I realized I was outed because a friend of my ex's told me his venomously jealous new girlfriend was reading my posts. I haven't said anything I wouldn't say in public but it was unnerving.
May 3 2006, 09:32 AM
daisy- I wouldnt be surprised if he googled your email address and came up with this. either way, if you are seriously afraid, please go to the police.
May 3 2006, 10:48 AM
you know, there is an option to hide your email addy. but i never use my real address for internet groups anyhow, i did it once and it's still there in cyber space to this day. i google it every once in a while but it will NOT go away. same with an interview with cbc that i did ages and ages ago. google my real name and there it is, and horribly inappropriate to my current employment and other circumstances. you just can't be too careful about that stuff these days.
daisy, i hope you're reading and that you're ok and that you'll come back with another name at a later date. that is such a bummer.
May 5 2006, 06:57 PM
I fooled around with my ex, shit!
May 5 2006, 07:55 PM
Minx-in with the ex's is never a good idea. I left mine and left him in the dust as he deserved to be left. Only so much a woman can be expected to contend with. Mooovin On!!!!!
May 6 2006, 05:38 PM
Autumn, All that contact with your ex continues the intimacy you had together. It makes it harder to get over it. My ex does it to me all the time and I'm seriously beginning to feel like a total idiot for allowing her to. My friend Marie has a good rule: never let the ex in your house. It helps to keep the intimacy down. Not that I've followed it . . .
It's funny that it's so hard to allow yourself to fall in love, and even harder to get out of it.
May 7 2006, 08:25 PM
I am trying to move on (as you know if you've read my posts) but it is really hard. I whole heartedly agree w/ John and Sunshine (there is a whole host of other people w/ excellant advice, too). I don't know if this is the right thread to say this but even though I know getting away from my guy was the right thing, I'm very lonely and sad right now. I know I have to go out and put on the happy face, but that's not really me. My ex isn't one to wallow, I imagine he has a new gal (or 2) lined up. The thing is, when I say I want to move on, I really want to move on in all aspects and do a whole makeover inside and out. A lot of people think moving on has to mean moving on to the next guy or girl. I am trying really hard to ignore that instinct. I am also trying not to over eat junk food, smoke, drink excessively, mope excessively, etc. It's soooooo hard! And I don't feel like putting all of myself into work right now! And I am beginning to think I have zero patience with everyone especially my room mate who is home allll the time, it seems. Sigh! Lots of frustrations..
May 7 2006, 09:28 PM
hey caroline, i'm in the same situation. I too am trying to avoid jumping into bed with people just because i miss my ex. The right thing isn't always pleasant. I keep trying to get back into an exercise regimen and eat right and just take care of myself but you're right, its hard. Keep posting hree, it helps.
May 7 2006, 10:17 PM
Fuck small towns! I went to the small town I used to live in today, and of course I saw the ex driving around. Waved a hand before I could help it. Ughh. Now my brain flips and flops between anger, self-pity, and feeling like I am the most wonderful woman in the world because I really have my life together a year after getting rid of him. Why doesn't this last thought stick around?
May 7 2006, 10:53 PM
I fooled out with an ex last week, and had the dreaded "ex sex..." Now he wants me back. I was very good in saying that he caught me at a weak point (I had just bombed an interview, and ran into him at the library when I was job searching) and that we couldn't date.
It's hard to deal with b/c he's living in the same time. I'm always wondering if I'm going to run into him...
So now I'm trying to eat better, not sleep with someone to get over him... exercise more.
Damn, this is hard!
May 8 2006, 09:54 AM
John, thanks for your advice... you are incredibly right and it's all certainly true for me. Basically, trying to be "friends" with my ex (we run in the same social circles and have a lot of the same friends) hasn't really allowed me to move on with the speed I would like... it's been two months to the DAY since we broke up, and it's been 2 years to the DAY since we got together... it would have been our official 2 year anniversary today, and I was weeping all weekend. No call, no nothing. I can't rely upon him for comfort, or to be there. Even though all my friends insist, "Oh, he speaks of you with such high regard, he still loves/cares for you so much..." That may be true, but I still hurt and will probably go on hurting for a very long time.
There hasn't been ex sex in a while, though last weekend he stayed at my house and slept with me in my bed.... last week he took my bike to the shop to be fixed, and then got me a bus pass and refused to let me pay for the bike repairs.... he told me that to pay back that we should have another "date" of dinner and a movie sometime. While this seems sweet, it just cements my knowledge of him that he doesn't want ANYONE to think badly of him... he can't stand it when people are mad at him or think he's a bastard. So, while I KNOW the guy has high regard for me and will always have love for me, it's hard for me to distinguish this from him just trying to save face.
I sort of give up on men. There's NO ONE interested in me, or I in anyone else, and though people tell me I'm beautiful, smart, blah blah, it still doesn't make it easier that EVERYONE I know is getting married or is in a couple and living together, and I'm 31 and I can't even get a useless band boy who scoops ice cream and barbacks to commit to me in ANY way. I feel pathetic and incredibly lonely.
I was doing so well for a while, now I've totall backtracked. It SUCKS to be alone. It SUCKS. I was alone for 5 YEARS before this last guy... I'd dated and stuff, but no serious, loving relationship for 5 YEARS, and I'm so afraid it's going to be a long stretch again, and I can't handle it. HOW do people FIND people.... I swear, I think people have to semi-lobotomized to stay in a long-term relationship with someone.
May 8 2006, 11:47 AM
Autumn, it's only been two months. After a two-year realationship, you need a lot more time for it to stop hurting as badly. You need way more time to heal and feel good about yourself again. I don't know who broke up with whom, but maybe you can get a little personal power back by dumping him, by telling him you don't need this kind of relationship with him right now.
May 9 2006, 12:51 AM
Autumn, I understand the whole thing about being alone. That SUCKS. Stay strong. I feel so guilty for having the ex sex. But, I'm going to follow John's advice and not let him near the house again. He was preying on the fact that I had a shitty day, and he knew it. I was just totally blindsided by the fact that he started crying (it was very similar to that espisode of Grey's Anatomy) during sex... What the fuck??
Anyways, we're here for you!
May 10 2006, 10:56 AM
GOOD GOD, I was an idiot AGAIN. Must stop. Must start brainwashing myself. Guys please tell me why I'm such an idiot. We still care for one another, but it's not like he wants to get back together.... ug. It's starting to reach a point where it's almost routine.... or predictable at least. At this point, I can't tell who's using who. I think it's mutual.
May 10 2006, 12:50 PM
autumn, i know its hard, but you are starting to get totally ridiculous. i could go on and on about how i know its easier said than done but you shouldnt be doing this blah blah blah. heres the thing, you know what you should do, yet you dont do it. the only person that can change this situation is you, no matter HOW many times we all tell you to stop doing it. i mean, i can tell you to stop and that you are an idiot until the cows come home, but its not really going to matter is it?
what it comes down to is that we all know, and that coming here and posting is just to get affirmation of what you already know, and to commiserate. which is cool and helpful in and of itself.
May 10 2006, 05:04 PM
I hate my ex, the path of no contact that is pretty much forever is the way to go.It really sucks to realize the person is a complete asshole!
He is so all over me one second and so not the next...argh! Sometimes I'm o.k. with it, other times I'm on the floor.
This is a floor day.Autumn I understand your predicament!
It's funny I was talking to a friend who was with a friend I haven't heard from for a while, she is a basketcase she hasn't called me back.The guy sends her so many messages she is all over the place.(you start to feel pretty ashamed after a while)
It's like you hide in denial because you don't want to face the world(you know there's something that's not right, but you blame yourself).The latest is that the father of my child was all over me on Saturday, I love you and the baby but I have to get away..I'll be o.k. once I do this.Then he points to my belly saying that he may have a new brother or sister in a few years.
He's been saying this for 7 months yet he never goes away.We have to live together for the next few weeks, but I'm just going to get my stuff out on Sunday.
This sucks, I have been staying with a friend and hour away where I'm moving.I came home to find some stupid note about how he needs space.Yeah o.k. we've discussed that, I know I have a newborn coming and I'm staying with a friend and her family, I have no help from you, what more do you need to say?
It's like I go away get impowered and then come back to the house only to find him.. playing games.He is completely ignoring me, this is my last week here.I'm off to live somewhere else for months.
I cannot even figure out what the hell has happened, accept for the fact that he is crazy and obviously pathological in his treatment.Does he seeing me getting bigger and then he knows what we'll hurt me?
I honestly do not have time for this, I'm having a baby in two weeks.Fuck man, I'm glad I wrote about this.BAsically I'm here to whine..I cannot get onto my regular rant fest that is more mommy based.
All I can say is pregnant or not, it's hard to face that some people are not who they think they are.In my case the person has totally exploited me as a human being and it's gross.When women do this their evil teases, neurotic and crazy but men? nah.Fuck, fuck, fuck!
The only good thing of this is that I do edge out a little more each time, but I don't even bother telling my friend's anymore because they don't want to here it.
I guess I'm here for sympathy and acceptance.In my case there will never be closure with this guy, because he is a sick puppy and trying to understand him, is futile.A friend said why do you keep trying to make sense of what he does? he's crazy! it doesn't make it hurt any less.
May 11 2006, 08:44 AM
katiebelle, be a little gentler with autumn. part of what this board is for is to vent. i'm sure she knows all this. she's clearly just expressing her frustration with herself and not actually asking for us to tell her what to do. I posted some crazy messages on here about my ex that were long and convoluted and nuts. The women here were always patient. Sometimes a person just needs a place to vent.
May 11 2006, 11:08 AM
I did something kind of dumb. I sent my ex a text message to say that I miss him and I love him. I sent it b/c it's true and I sent it because I feel bad for him. He was adopted and his adopted parents passed away and his only family lives in another country. I don't want him to feel abandoned and I don't want him to do something stupid (he's a smart guy but doesn't always have his wits or just tries his luck sometimes..) His response was angry. He feels that he offered me everything and I broke his heart. I could argue that he wasn't the only one hurt and betrayed but I won't. I mean, what's the point? I shouldn't have contacted him. I really do feel for him (even though I'm not sure he deserves that) but it's probably better to leave it alone.
May 12 2006, 09:15 AM
Just when I thought I was on the verge of going completely insane I started reading these posts and managed to come around to the point of functioning somewhat normally again. The thing is thaton the surface everthing with my b/f is fine but I can't shake this feeling that I can't trust him and when we arent together I'm constantly wondering what he's doing. I wasn't like this until a week ago when he got this phone call from some chick informing him that she had broken up with her boyfriend blah blah blah...he did tell her in front of me that he was with me and that I rock. I know she called because she broke up with her boyfriend and when he met her he told her he she should call him if she ever did. I'm not sure if this happened when we were together or not. I used to feel really secure with this guy but now I don't know. I can't always be around because I take my kids Thurs. thru Sun. and who knows what he's up to on the weekends? He insists that he doesn't want to hook up with her (he wants to hook me up with her though) I don't think he's done anything yet but I'm completely obsessed. I have a tendency to think that whoever I'm with wants someone younger or doesn't have kids. When we first got together and up until last week he's been all over me with the I love you's and your the perfect little girl for me, I can't keep my hands off you, etc. Now I sense this distance even though he still call at night when he's out with his buds to say I love you and and tell me that he's trying to think of something to do with the kids this weekend to help me out like take them out on the boat or something. I just want to feel better. It's like I need constant reassurance. One little phone call gets me high for about ten minutes and then I'm back to obsessing. I feel like a junkie! Nothing has changed really but it doesnt feel the same if that makes any sense. I know I'm rambling but I just feel so confused. I'm totally committed to this guy and want to have a life with him. I'm not getting any younger and I was convinced that this was the one and I dont want to lose him. I cant stand the thought that maybe he just isnt into me that much anymore. I've considered just breaking up with him and getting over it but I could be completely wrong about all this and lose him because I'm reading him wrong or am just completely insecure. All I want is to feel better like the rest of you and putting this into words helps alot.
May 12 2006, 12:02 PM
maybe there needs to be a "stuck in the mud" as well as a "mooooving on" thread! winkyg, it sounds like you need to tell your bf you're worried but try not to sound crazy/obsessive. communication is key they say. i'm working on that myself..formerlycl, you need to stop. thinking. about. men. period. you got a little one due very soon, start thinking about that and how you're gonna make your life and your child's life the best they can be. and don't be angry about men and past relationships cause that's not healthy, either! and, i would try reeeeally hard not to make the father sound like a total asshole in front of your kid cause inevitably, the kid will be stuck in the middle torn about allegiances, etc. autumn, have you spoken to your guy about what's going on in your head? he's confusing you and it isn't fair. either he wants to be w/ you or he doesn't. if he doesn't want to be w/ you (and/or you don't want to be w/ him) stop sleeping together! and stop making it easy to sleep together like going over to eachother's homes. my 2 cents..
May 12 2006, 03:15 PM
sorry if i offended anyone w/ my last post. i feel like i'm pms-ing right now cause one minute like being stronga nd teh next minute i feel like bawling my eyes out. fuck. i lost my bf. he wasn't great for me anyway. i just wish i had a really good friend right now to hug or someone to hold hands with. wy do i feel this way now? it must pass, it must pass. please please go away sad mopey feeling.