Jun 29 2006, 09:13 AM
I am not being judgemental, rather I am acknowledging the following woman's horrendous case of BCMS... (bathroom cabinet mirror syndrome)
Why oh why am I the one bearing witness to the horrors of white denim, improperly worn? Ripped white denim with mc boots? I think cool, missladyj. I would wear em ripped, but that's me. Now today, on my way to work, I bore witness to a woman who was wearing a beautiful coral embroidered halter top, fit beautifully, and I wanted to ask her what bra she was wearing underneath because it was holding her up great and without awkward straps or anything. Her hair was very nicely pulled up, nary a spangly scrunchie in sight. Makeup? Nice, not overdone, and not oompah loompah bronzed orange either.
Then I looked down. This is why I say she suffers a MALADY PEOPLE! BCMS blinds you! She was wearing a pair of longer length white denim shorts, that were easily 2 sizes too small. and she was wearing a thong, so all of her pockets for change on her cheeks was clear for all to see. Platform flipflops, that were clear on the bottom, LIGHT UPS.
swear to be-jesus. WHY?
Just in case it hasn't been made clear, bathroom cabinet mirror syndrome is when everything in the 1' wide, 2'long square of the bathroom mirror looks fabulous, and since you can't see the rest, it typically goes to pot.
Jun 29 2006, 09:21 AM
...which is why i am grateful that my came-with-the-apartment bathroom mirror is actually next to the bathroom, and is HUGE. it has saved me many a time.
[note to all in the philly burbs area: if you see a redhead that is a total COF today, it's probably me. i'm leaving for vacation tomorrow, and all the cute stuff is packed!]
Jun 29 2006, 09:23 AM
hahahahahahaha! brilliant! BCMS!
what underwear is one supposed to wear with white pants? i don't own any, but i figure it's good information to have.
Jun 29 2006, 09:50 AM
bklyn, i think the trick is to buy white pants a size too large, and in material substantial enough that it doesn't matter what underthings you wear. says the girl wearing white capri pants with tiny little pinstripes in a solid heavy cotton.
Jun 29 2006, 09:58 AM
I have heard that the best underwear for white pants is nude colored (matching whatever the wearers skin tone is). White underwear shows up just as much as black or a color. I would imagine that thongs would be out, because I think they would be more obvious, too. I think some nice microfiber or mesh nude panties would be ideal. I have always wanted to wear a white pants suit, but I just know I would be completely paranoid about getting something on it or having a black smudge on my ass or something. One of the perks of wearing mostly black clothes is not having to worry about that!
Jun 29 2006, 10:35 AM
While cruising down Santa Monica Blvd in West Hollywood, I saw three men on the same corner wearing pink. While this is not a COF in itself, one of them was wearing very bright, peachy-pink with green paisley print pants AND a matching blouse.
That was certainly a COF and it burned my eyes.
Jun 29 2006, 12:37 PM
I own white khaki pants... (shut up y'all) and I wear nude thong underwear with them for two reasons...
1. My ass is actually 6 little asses laid one on top of another due to the rapid weight loss, and any regualar underwear look like I'm cutting them in half. Three asschecks in, three hanging outta the bottom.
2. Nude is the color to wear under anything white, so I learned from my wise mom who was a nurse and wore white blouses and pants and shoes and stockings, lol for 40+ years roughly. White bras and pantaloons all show under white like you are wearing red or black. Nude, even an off shade of nude, looks much better. Think beige always for under whites.
I also buy all my pants that are questionably thin in a size up from a form fitting pair in a heavier fabric, because I don't thunk the person walking behind me, or standing behind me when I am reaching for the bottom shelf in the drugstore needs to be privy to the cellulite I got going on back there, some so bad you could hide a roll of quarters. lol.
Here's another hint....
*If you look like you are trying to squish 20 lbs of sausage into a 5 lbs casing? your clothes are too tight.
*You don't have muffin tops, rather baker's dozen circulating above the waistband of your pants? ixnay the cropped belly baring shirt.
*you have to lay on the bed to button and zip your pants? Take em off, you'll be miserable in about 20 minutes anyway... and you'll have to pee all day long
*One last thing for those that go panty-commando:
If you are wearing yoga pants, or stretch pants, or gauchos, or any thin material that is stretchy and you pull em on but they still kinda sit on your hips? Leave them in the store if you are going to keep pulling em up to your waist, or look for a pair that sit on your waist. I'm sure the malady of camel toe has been discussed frequently, but I always want to run up to these women and say, "I can hear your vagina gasping for air. See how are lips are parted and you can clearly see everything? Your noni is yearning to break free and breathe. Wear looser pants... you are suffocating her."
bitch bitch bitch lol
Jun 29 2006, 01:41 PM
holy shit. and here i thought i was boring with all my BEIGE lingerie.
um, not that i'd be caught dead in any kind of white pants/shorts/etc unless i was 20 lbs thinner.
seriously, tho. flexies rock. high-waisted, granny-fugly, but oh so comfy & pleasantly controlling. and no pantylines. eva.
*writing down BCMS for future reference, lmao*
btw, i work at a golf club. you'd think these rich bastids would shy away from the neon mint green and bright orange, but noooooo .... crimes against humanity horrid enough to make the baby jesus weep, i tell ya.
Jun 29 2006, 03:29 PM
*snort* walkingb... you are my new heroine.
what is it with the man-CoFs? This guy was wearing white jeans, white shoes, a pink vest and a white shirt over the top, which was all embroidered with pink flowers. He was shiny-bright!
tan knickers under white, definitely. I loves my beige granny knickers
Jun 29 2006, 09:17 PM
love it, love it, LOVE the rules walkingB!
i'm not a fan of white (i am a slob and spill stuff on myself all the time) but i do own a white linen skirt. what convinced me to buy it was the fact that it is white linen skirt with lining.
i still wear my nude panties under it, but the lining helps a bunch, too.
went to some museums today - only 2 noticeable CoF (aside from the boring, typical tourist wear of big ol' t-shirts, khaki shorts/pants, and Tevas)
*girl, early 20s. normal hair/makeup. wearing a black long sleeve Tshirt, a red mini-skirt, and these obnoxious thigh-high black leg-warmers. that covered her red flats. leg warmers looked silly since it was 90 degrees today.
*revenge of the whites--seen only from behind: woman wearing white knickers, a white tank top, gold shoes, gold bag, and a gold fucking cowboy hat.
Jun 29 2006, 09:20 PM
Amen, WB. I have seen too many tight tight white linen pants this summer already. When I can see your thong through your pants, I can see your ass for sure, and I just don't want to know you that well.
Jun 30 2006, 12:57 AM
saw some good ones today:
thin, middle-aged man wearing sneakers, tennis socks, short shorts, and a tank top with the name of some boot camp on it.
super-skinny, snotty-looking girl on the bus in a particularly nasty pair of trendy white parachute pants with straps and cargo pockets and drawstrings all over them. one leg was pulled up ghetto-style to reveal the white fishnets and white skate shoes underneath. white long-sleeved mini-shirt over tight black shirt. some kind of irritating trendy hat. eeeurgh.
Jun 30 2006, 04:52 AM
Saw this *young* guy last night. He had on some kind of like "paratrooper" type pants. They had long "ties" hanging out of the material next to the ass pockets. They hung down wildly flapping around all the cargo pockets while he walked.
Black combat boots.
Anybody seen those type pants? What are they? WHY?!?
Jun 30 2006, 05:15 AM
The pants? My husband wears them, I wear them. Me with a tiny T, he with his Yamamoto shirt. Totally love them because they create a riot and raised conservative eyebrows whereever we go... And they are supercomfy... and a fun look when you are in a provocative mood. Slightly out of fashion by now but who cares...
Jun 30 2006, 09:30 AM
Oh! My cousin's son got a pair of wide-leg ones with all sorts of hardware and ties for Xmas a coupla years ago when he was about 15. I thought they looked great on him, so did he, my cousin thought they were totally goofy.
Jun 30 2006, 10:23 AM
When I used to work in the mall here there was this guy who came in every Saturday. Sometimes I'd come in for my shift and see him walking around and clock out 8 hours later and still see him walking around. He was about 45, really tall--I'd say almost 7 feet--with dyed, heavily gelled hair. Biggest CoF ever. Always wearing those sparkly, button-up shirts that said crap about the millenium or something and either metallic or loudly patterned pants. We called him Disco Stu. I miss nothing more about working at the mall.
Jun 30 2006, 03:25 PM
Oh! I saw a crime today in the thrift store...
(Although I had to give it to her for the moxie)
It was an oversized men's white tee screenprinted with Betty Boop in a Mae West outfit (Emerald green strapless dress, hat with HUGE green feather) and the CHICAGO F-ING SKYLINE in the background. Matched with Green (a different green-olive camo) capri pants and white and navy keds.
Plus, a permed mullet.
I think I'm in LOVE. Or else my retinas burned out (and that feeling feels so much like love I can't tell the difference!)
Jun 30 2006, 04:41 PM
Re: White linen and underwear.
I was in the pub with some friends recently when in walked a girl wearing some very flimsy looking white linen trousers. She walked past us and leant against the bar, and we couldn't help but notice that she was either wearing a thong or going commando. The problem was that she had rather a problem with cellulite (as many of us do), and the trousers did nothing to conceal this. Infact, they made her arse look exactly like two grapefruits wrapped in a handkerchief.
We had to move table eventually because one of my friends could not stop staring at the poor girls rear; she was so transfixed with the spectacle that she couldn't concentrate on our conversation.
So yes, beige undies sound like a sensible plan.
Jun 30 2006, 05:14 PM
Hee - transfixed by two grapefruits wrapped in a handkerchief. I'm familiar with this! Ugh.
Jun 30 2006, 05:55 PM
i saw a girl today who had cellulite on her calves. she was not a CoF at all (in fact she was wearing an adorable little chiffon black dress that looked elegant yet also not too heavy for june/july... i wish i had stuff like that...). but i felt really bad for her. i mean, cellulite on your calves? in terms of visually unfortunate genes, i really can't think of anything too much worse than that.
Jun 30 2006, 06:55 PM
At work today I had 2 customers with icky shirts.
The first one was worn by a middle-aged scumbag and involved the N-word and Harley Davidson. I was appalled.
The second one was on oversized white tee worn on a really skinny trashy girl. It said REBEL BITCH and had a picture of the confederate flag. Seriously. This is a regular customer and we live on C-O-N-N-E-C-T-I-C-U-T... which is like, what? 500 miles above the Mason Dixon line?
Jun 30 2006, 07:02 PM
Bklyn, your COF reminds me of this woman who was wearing a cute (if somewhat on the predictable side) a-line mini with wedge espidrilles...and she had the worst, worst varicose veins and broken capillaries. All down her legs, including her calves. Bad. I felt for her, cuz she had a cute shape and seemed sweet, but there was a lot going on on her legs.
Jun 30 2006, 07:14 PM
Hello, I lived most of my life in the (former) CAPITAL of what was once the Confederacy, and I never saw as many rebel flags as when I moved to, of all places, Ohio. I still rarely see that redneck bullshit (though I see other brands of good-ole-boy crap) anywhere around here.
I'll say this for cellulite and veins - more power to these cutely-dressed women for not hiding their flaws. I did that most of my life, and not until it was too late did I realize most of what I consider flaws really wasn't so bad. I still do it some. But now that I'm pushing 40 and a little chunkier, I care less than before, and wear SHORTS IN SUMMER. Ugh. Some vanity really is a bit too much. Even the first year I bought this house, I remember mowing the lawn in JEANS in SUMMER, because I didn't want my pasty legs out there for the world to see. Pity. Because nobody cared, and most likely they weren't even lookin'.
Jun 30 2006, 08:14 PM
i'm starting to have that same feeling about my pasty legs, too, maimy. i see all these very cute girls in those shorts that are so popular this summer, and every once in a while somebody will have straight-up GAMS, but honestly, most of them look pretty ordinary.
but put me in shorts and i'm all 'oooh, pasty!' 'oooh, fat ankles!' oooh, i gotta go shave...' (actually i do think i'd have to shave to adopt the cute short-shorts look). it's this disconnect i just cannot get over.
i. look. normal. cute, even. i am not a freak. people find me attractive. hell, other women probably look at me and get all body-imageish the same way i look at the short-shorts girls. i hope this is something i can get past by the time i'm approaching 40. because more than 15-20 more years of the finicky can't wear this can't wear that crap and i will probably just die of boredom with my same old jeans and t-shirts and the occasional knee length skirt.
Jun 30 2006, 08:21 PM
Suddenly, Bklyn, *I* find you terribly attractive ... *Grin*
(One advantage of pushin' 40 - you may find shaving becomes less and less of an issue! I'm a brunette, but I can go a week now easily and not worry at all. I used to shave at least three times a week, and that was less than ten years ago.)
Jun 30 2006, 11:45 PM
on the way to work this morning, so early i thought i was hallucinating:
navy blue with white polka dots straight kinda shapeless dress, deep v neck, poofy type sleeves three quarter length, ended just about mid calf and had a four inch pleated ruffle round the bottom, huge white cloth covered buttons down the front (no actual button holes, just for decoration). white cotton jersey panel across the deep v neck, a one inch wide strip of the same white cotton jersey tied tightly round her neck, hair in a very high pony tail a la i dream of jeannie, LOTS of evening makeup, heavy face, heavy eye, heavy blush and lips. BLACK panty hose (it's only a million degrees out right now, even at the crack of dawn), and shiny white leather pumps with pointy black toes.
it hurt my eyes. ouchy.
Jul 1 2006, 12:12 AM
wow. was she doing the walk of shame?
if so, her partner must REALLY think she's something special to be able to stomach her fashion sense.
or maybe her partner is a fashion conscious lesbian or metrosexual man, and this is some kind of bizarre role playing thing -- "oh. my. god. you are NOT wearing that." "oh yeah? well you're gonna have to rip it off me, then..." "really? well it's so horrendous i think i just might!"
i'd think you'd want real buttons for something like that, though.
and maimy... *blinkblink* (that's me batting my eyes over the interwebs)
Jul 1 2006, 12:18 AM
she was undoubtably serious and prolly on her way to work at that hour. she smiled and said hello as she passed which made it even more horrible that i was in the process of committing it all to memory to tell you all about it.
but ugh, it was so awful. i couldn't not say.
Jul 1 2006, 12:30 AM
i have chosen to believe it was a walk of shame after a particularly hot session of What Not To Wear.
my poor little brain cannot fathom anybody wearing such a thing unironically. i mean, she wasn't even trying to rock it? it wasn't an attempt at hot 80's retro fashion gone wrong? i cannot wrap my mind around such a thing. What Not To Wear Walk Of Shame it is, then.
Jul 1 2006, 12:49 AM
she was rocking nothing my friend. she had to be at least fifty. not rocking.
Jul 1 2006, 01:17 AM
bababababababa! *hands over ears* i can't hear you!
actually, what's funny is that when you wrote the original post i was picturing a 20-something woman... i wonder what made me assume that? i fascinate myself sometimes.
her being 50 makes me want to believe in the What Not To Wear sex game even more!
Jul 1 2006, 09:45 AM
lmAo @ pepper's queen of polka-dots & bklynhermit's role-playing explanation ...
my very own COF: cute black short-sleeved sweater, favorite bias-cut black&white long skirt. with knee highs. (because i'm having serious hurty-toe issues and cannot go bare with pumps and who the fuck is gonna know they're knee highs anyway?) i no sooner get to work and i see i've got a huge gaping hole in my right knee high. i take both knee highs off, figuring i'll go barelegged, since only my calves down are showing. but, um, no. because, even tho i shaved that morning, i have all these lovely BROWN SPOTS speckling my PASTY WHITE vericose-vein-laden legs. because i've been using that fershit jergen's natural glow crap. luckily i had a spare pare of panty hose in my desk drawer.
which is why i'm about to go sun myself for the next two hours. and fuck it, i hope that ozone-hole is directly over my back deck and i get burnt to a crisp. middle-aged legs are plain fucking gross. i wish i didn't care. but i do.
i wish i had the nerve to 'splain how bad i look in my one-piece, middle-aged-lady bathing suit right now. the horror, the horror ...
Jul 1 2006, 10:07 AM
The boy and I went to the mall yesterday for some fake Japanese food and... ugh, it was bad. There was this older woman in floral capris and a white, lace, knit, midriff baring top. Not like that's not bad enough, but the pants were seriously like, 4 sizes too small. I don't even know how she was able to put them on judging by the muffin top she had going on. Just suck up your pride and get a bigger size, lady.
There were the usual cases of footless tights and miniskirts, but the mountain of a woman in front of us in line for our food was particularly awful. Black t-shirt with this flowy, long, pink and black paisley tank top over it, which really just made her look like a tent, and a leopard-and-camoflauge print studded bag made by Baby Phat. What minion of Satan decided that leopard and camoflauge go together?
Jul 1 2006, 10:32 AM
Speaking of the mall:
Quacker Factory-type GREEN APPLE colored capris. Matching flamingo type sweater. Fuchia/green apple/white/blue colors all over it--the flamingo of course was flamingo-colored. BIG OL' FLAMINGO comin' right at me. I swear I saw that thing from 100 feet away.
Those apple green capris, though---OH.MY.GOD.
*goes off blindly feeling walls to find eye drops*
Jul 1 2006, 12:49 PM
was out at the club last nite.
first I notice her black and white horizontal strip shirt with a red and white striped belt over great skinny jeans and fabulous red shoes.
What ruined the outfit was the fact that she had her keys cliped to her jeans. If she had just a little red clutch purse to put her keys in, the whole outfit would have been so much better.
Jul 1 2006, 02:01 PM
leopard-and-camoflauge print studded bag
i just vomited a little, in my mouth, at the thought of that print combination.
Jul 1 2006, 03:10 PM
I considered that combo, as I have a Betsey Johnson leopard tank that I love, and a great pair of camo pants I wear frequently. But then I said to myself, "Unless I want to look like a microscope slide full of leprotic amoeba, I probably don't need to cover myself in variegated splotches until I make everyone's eyes swim."
Jul 1 2006, 04:33 PM
Wow, lots of very serious CoFs lately!
Woman in my store today:
Cool-looking black tank top
Mom jeans, hiked up high on the waist, rolled up twice at the bottom
Black stripper shoes with, I swear to God, a four-inches-tall, thick stiletto heel
Just the combination of the rolled-up mom jeans and the stripper shoes ... baffling!
Jul 2 2006, 03:18 AM
There is a woman who is a regular in the pub which I drink in and she never looks good. You know whenyou see random CoFs and you can be nice and think that maybe they are having an off day. Well she is not one of those people.
Last night was especially bad. Her outfit would have been a crime of fashion anywhere but bear in mind she wore this to a metal/punk bar.
Ok *deep breath*
-Hair tied back, very minimal makeup, face pretty and generally nice.
-Baby pink halter-neck dress. The straps have a diamante buckle detail and the support line which is meant to go under her boobs is cutting directly across them at about nipple height.
-Lower down the dress has ruffles. Not just along the bottom, but another straight across the crotch and another one cutting across the belly button. She is not fat. You wouldn't believe it if you saw her last night.
-Bland beige sandals.
And to top it off, under this HALTERNECK, BACKLESS monstrosity of a dress, she is wearing a huge granny bra which was once white and is now grey.
Why would you do that? Its not even like she has big boobs which particularly need reigning in.
I really want to sit her down and have words, but I think she's the type of person who would bottle me if I did 0_o
Jul 3 2006, 12:59 AM
I wouldn't go so far as to call this a crime of fashion, but I didn't know where else to write it. Girlbomb_redux, I’ve looked at the pictures on your website, and I’d like to give you a little advice. You’ve got some nice features, but you could accentuate them more effectively with your style.
In this picture
of you with the blue shirt (I specify in case the link changes), your hair is short and/or pulled back so that very little of your hair is visible from the front. Given your jaw line and low cheek bones, your head appears somewhat bottom-heavy, which makes that hairstyle quite unflattering. Instead, go with more volumous hair that will draw attention to the top of your head and minimize the ostensible size of your jaw by comparison, thus giving your head the appearance of a more pleasing proportion. (This same strategy worked wonders for a girl with whom I used to work, who has a very large nose.) From what I can see in the tiny photo of you on the default page of your blog, the hairstyle you have there frames your face beautifully. You should put a larger version of that becoming image on your website, and always opt for a hairstyle like that one.
Jul 3 2006, 01:21 AM
Ooh! Ooh! I got one at last!
A woman wearing an ok, but kinda boring printed fitted top, a knee-length floaty, white skirt, and cream crocheted espadrilles.
So far, fine, it's bloody hot here, and she just looked a bit dull.
So she wore black fishnet tights too! Oh dear...
Jul 3 2006, 01:27 PM
Speaking of tights/pantyhose:
Outside of a little country church yesterday: Woman, late 50's. Bleached out hair, done in a "bouffant" style...orangey blonde color, complete with the RayOnet styling. Green (mint) colored rayon dress, loose ruffles hanging from shoulders to hem, circa 1987 church lady. Strappy sandals, beige colored.
(white panty hose!!!) I SWAR!
Jul 3 2006, 02:56 PM
In honor of the upcoming holiday, I would like to present Ms. K
. This is part of Bunko night at the senior center.
She also attends an exercise class with someone I know, and she shows up in heels, wig, and full make-up. I love Ms. K.
ETA: She sews all her own outfits by hand.
Jul 3 2006, 03:38 PM
I saw someone with airbrushed fake fingernails with pictures of red white and blue fireworks.
Jul 3 2006, 03:56 PM
quietmadness, I swear that was one of our city councilors you saw...
...and I know the woman who created her hairdo...in the '60s! My friend doesn't do hair anymore, but the city councilor still wears the same teased helmet.
That whole American-flag-as-outfit thing is very odd to those of us outside your country. The only people who'd really bother wearing Canadian flag clothing here are drunken Animal House-type idiots. And then the rest of us just get those fake tattoos of the flag on Canada day.
Jul 3 2006, 04:23 PM
Oh, doodle, it's rather odd to those of us in the states, too. I think the only reason the trend got started was because in the 60's people tried to pass laws saying you couldn't wear the flag as a garment. We are nothing if not a bunch of contrary f*ckers.
Under her prairie bonnet Ms. K wears a platinum blonde beehive wig.
Jul 4 2006, 07:32 AM
i just got humorously reprimanded for not wearing red, white or blue to work today. i told them my soul is blue. needless to say, whoosh, right over their heads.
i dunno. you gotta give props to someone like ms k, marching fiercely to her own drummer and all.
Jul 4 2006, 10:01 AM
when I get to that age, I wanna be Ms.K
Jul 4 2006, 10:09 AM
i was so just about to say that!
Jul 4 2006, 12:52 PM
Ok. So. My god, I feel like I have to bleach my eyes, but I need to report it first.
So this woman was walking down the street. She was wearing black yoga or sweat pants over either a black bikini of some kind, or a black sports bra and black panties. I know the panty part was black...because her pants were riding SO low that the waistband was almost at her asshole. I couldn't believe they weren't falling down to her knees as she walked! If she wasn't wearing undies, I would've seen her labia.
Oh, and what is UP with all the women who go out wearing racer-back tanks with regular shoulder-strap bras? At home, ok. Exercising, sure, although you really might want to think about a better bra. But to the mall? To a restaurant!? WTF???? And not even pretty bras that you'd want to show off, but the regular white industrial variety. Ugh.