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roseviolet
Hi, MaryEllen! Welcome to The Lounge. Hope you check out the other threads & enjoy the community we have here. smile.gif

I met my husband on-line. We started out as friends, but we wrote to one another on a consistent basis -about 3 times a week a first, but then that progressed to multiple times a day. And that's the hitch in this. If this guy was still interested, he would still be reaching out to you. As it stands, it sounds like his attentions are engaged elsewhere. Since my husband is member of the Bust boards too, I told him about your situation to get an additional point of view & he agrees with me. More than likely, this guy has moved on and is just too polite to tell you that he isn't interested anymore.

So the question remains: should you meet up with him? Well, I say that the ball is in his court. You've told him when you are going to be in town. If he genuinely wants to meet you, he will write to you again and ask when you'll be free to see him. If he isn't happily looking forward to finally seeing you, then he isn't worth your time & you should move along, too.

It sounds like your intuition is trying to tell you that this guy isn't very interested. Perhaps it's time for you to trust yourself and listen to that little voice.
maryellensw
QUOTE(roseviolet @ Jan 7 2007, 10:42 PM) *

Hi, MaryEllen! Welcome to The Lounge. Hope you check out the other threads & enjoy the community we have here. smile.gif

I met my husband on-line. We started out as friends, but we wrote to one another on a consistent basis -about 3 times a week a first, but then that progressed to multiple times a day. And that's the hitch in this. If this guy was still interested, he would still be reaching out to you. As it stands, it sounds like his attentions are engaged elsewhere. Since my husband is member of the Bust boards too, I told him about your situation to get an additional point of view & he agrees with me. More than likely, this guy has moved on and is just too polite to tell you that he isn't interested anymore.

So the question remains: should you meet up with him? Well, I say that the ball is in his court. You've told him when you are going to be in town. If he genuinely wants to meet you, he will write to you again and ask when you'll be free to see him. If he isn't happily looking forward to finally seeing you, then he isn't worth your time & you should move along, too.

It sounds like your intuition is trying to tell you that this guy isn't very interested. Perhaps it's time for you to trust yourself and listen to that little voice.




Thanks, Rose. I actually do think he's seeing someone else and is too polite to say so. However, in this case I wish he wouldn't be so polite and tell me what's going on. It ticks me off. Well, I'll let everyone know if he does write back. Thanks for your welcome and advice. biggrin.gif
p_176
i met one guy i've been dating on eharmony...he lives in VA (i'm in MD) and now he's getting a little clingy....:-(
jkat
I've become involved with a guy that I used to date. We now live 14 hours apart, and don't get the opportunity to see each other more than once every couple of months. Last night, he suggested phone sex which totally turned me on. He's got a really sexy voice, and he knew exactly what to say. I, on the other hand, was not as comfortable with it. I really, really liked listening to him but I had a hard time coming up with anything to say back. Do you ladies have any suggestions on how to get over my awkwardness? Or things I might think about saying?


...I may indulge in some liquid confidence next time wink.gif
anna k
You can turn on music that you like in the background, relax on your bed, and let your voice get deeper and more intimate. You don't have to curse or talk dirty immediately, just things you'd want him to do to you if he were there or vice versa. It's fun when you feel secretive and sharing something special and intimate with someone over the phone.
jkat
Hey anna k, thanks for the response!

I think I'm nervous because this guy is just sooo rock-solid confident. This completely turns me on, in fact I've never felt a stronger sexual attraction to any other man I've known. But I think therein lies my problem: I am a confident, take charge person, so being in this position is totally foreign and I ended up partially speechless the other night. He of course, being the cocky guy he is, took this all in stride and was able to guide me through.

I wasn't entirely mute, I just would like to be able to let the words roll out of me more smoothly. But I'm going to take your suggestion with the music. I think that's a great idea! And it is very interesting to me how my voice just automatically changed...deepened and softened. And the memory of his voice over the phone....mmmmmm....definitely gets me through my mid-afternoon classes.

Anyhow, I'll let you know my progress with the next call. cool.gif
SweetPea
Hello everyone! I am new here, and today I read this thread and well.... I have a sort of long distance relationship.... if I can even call it that!

I met this guy on a forum online and after e-mailing each other a couple of times decided to meet. He was close enough to the city I live in and we went out twice. It was supposed to be a friend thing and in no way was a romance supposed to ensue, but we both found ourselves very attracted to each other. So on his last day here, I decided to make a move on him; we had a wonderful evening (no sex though!)

Sassygrrl, I found myself intrigued by your experiences with SC boy. Whatever did happen between you two? More than anything, I feel that I'll be confronted with a similiar problem when it comes to the "sex issue." I have been told by friends not to push the sex and to avoid all clingy/desperate behavior which means I can't e-mail him every minute of the day. A few nights ago we had like the longest phone convo ever. It was great! I just don't want the fire to burn out. I am supposed to go visit him in a few weeks...

It seems pretty foolish of me to try and start something with him because of the distance between us. I want to follow my heart though... It will never be a conventional relationship, but something tells me that he is the one. Am I losing my mind?

Thank you for reading,
Sheila
Moonpieluv
Wow... guess this thread doesn't get much play, but I'm a newbie with an online crush thang. It's pretty fresh... like almost a month of steady correspondance. He's in transition, work visa up in the UK, and will be back to the states albeit across the country on the west coast come early March. We seem to have compatible values (the domestic life, spirituality, kids, etc), many shared interests (endless list it seems), similar humor, etc. etc. he's hot in pics, etc.... I've just never done this kinda thing before. I got on to the personals as a form of entertainment and curiosity and was nonchalantly browsing the UK just to see how those boys fair, ya know. And there was him. oh my, does this sound cheese -o -matic or what?

So, he plans on visiting me as a layover of sorts to his destination so we can survey the situation (i.e. physical compatiblity, chemistry). I'm super psyched, nervous, dreamy. Has anyone done the meeting thing that seemed like some sort of serendipitious union of the stars or some shite? I'm not sure if that exists, but it makes for a good story if we really end liking each other once we meet. I could easily be deluding myself seeing as I'm single and have my "yoshi" at home to keep my clit company. But I am such a romantic.... Could something like this online thing really happen? Suppose it's a rhetorical question, but I feel a little silly, but the thought of it being "true" seems to keep me warm at night.

Comments?
roseviolet
Hi, Moonpie! Sorry this thread has been quiet lately. I'm not active in here anymore, but I thought I might respond to your post anyway.

I met my husband on-line (right here in the Bust Lounge, actually) so I know a bit about your situation. He's from England & I'm from the USA. We talked on-line for about 9 months before we met in person (and we were still dealing with other relationships during much of that time, so it was a complicated 9 months). But when we finally met in person ... wow. It's hard to describe. Personally, I was nervous as hell so I did not feel overcome by waves of joy and such. No angels sang for me, but that may be because my heart was clanging so loudly! Don't get me wrong - I was happy, just so nervous! As for my dear husband ... well, he says that the moment he laid eyes on me, he felt that he was looking at the woman of his dreams. But he doesn't feel that it's fair to say that he felt "love at first sight". Afterall, we'd exchanged photos and we'd already talked sooooo much. It was more that ... well, that the sketchy picture he had of me in his mind was filled in. It was an amazing feeling for both of us. It was such a joy to just be able to look at eachother after all that time. It's really hard to discribe.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's great if you feel like my husband did and are instantly bowled over. But it is also okay if you feel nervous & it takes you a little more time to warm up to the situation. But with any luck at all, you'll get past the nerves quickly & fall into the same comfortable relationship you have over e-mail & the phone. Best of luck!
suds
i love roseviolet's story!! so romantic! x
Moonpieluv
Thanks so much for sharing your love story with me! That makes me so reassured that this could actually happen. Of course, I have my worries/reservations in that I fear because we haven't had a lengthy correspondance and haven't gotten to the phone thing yet.... I'm assuming because we are both waiting for the other to suggest that mode of communication, that we may be meeting too soon. I also feel like not knowing the sound of each other's voices and then meeting could further heighten our senses (i.e. establishing whether we have physical chemistry).

It's all very different, and I am still dealing with a complicated past relationship of 6.5 yrs. in that I am trying to get HIM to reach a point of accepting that we are not in love anymore, but still need a connection because we practically grew up together. I've been progressing in the MOVING ON thing and feel ready to accept another into my life. I just didn't think it could possibly happen this way... and there's no guarantee unfortunately that it will. Suppose I'm equally romantic/dreamy about the situation and also dubious about it. There's just so many what-if's. Seems like a big risk. But, he said he'd be a damn fool if he didn't at least come check me out.

I find it neat/strange that both of us are in this crossroads period of our lives. I moved back south from brooklyn as a temporary solution before heading off to grad. school... somewhere, with no intention of fulling planting myself here. And he's expressed that he's an open book, as well. with the intention of "settling down" (i.e. cut the bullshit)... he's a bit older than me so I think he's wanting to be more like an oak tree rather than a dandelion. Which I find very attractive. oh... gosh, i'm ranting. and there's so much more.

On the whole meeting thing, Did you feel like you could actually "see" him before? I mean, he wasn't hard to imagine laying next to you, etc. etc. funny how the imagination works. We've even put it out there on how we envision an ideal wedding.... sigh. skip the wedding march and do spaceman 3 instead and do the reception like a southern style family reunion.

Anyways... thanks for your story. I'm going to be real girly and search vintage wedding dresses online. haha. rolleyes.gif
roseviolet
Frankly, Moonpie, I would urge you to STOP thinking about weddings and dresses and all of that. I say this with love, okay? Stop that IMMEDIATELY.

Here's the thing. When you're conducting an on-line relationship with someone, you are given very few facts. You know some things about this man - and some of those details should certainly feel very intimate - but it's really very very little. Afterall, you don't even know what his voice sounds like. That's just one of many very basic details that you haven't learned yet. And there are many more things about this man that you won't know until you see him in person. This is one of the truly basic & universal problems of meeting someone on-line. We have so little to go on & we tend to allow our imaginations to flesh out the rest of the details in order to make this person seem more like our Ideal Perfect Mate.

I was guilty of this same behaviour ... but I realized it before we met. I was aware that I was filling in the gaps, as was he. We discussed it a lot, that tendency to fill in the gaps with our most heartfelt desires. But we knew we were fooling ourselves. We met because we wanted to get rid of all of those fantasies. We wanted to face reality and know each other for real. So we met one another as friends. That was all. Friends. We decided that our meeting was a way to determine if this friendship was based on something real or if it was our heartbroken imaginations just grasping at straws.

So did he meet up with my fantasies? My dreams? Simply, no. He didn't. And remember that we had been talking almost every day for 9 months and yet we still got some things wrong. There were things I had imagined that just weren't there. I mean, even the way he looked in photos didn't really match up with how he looked in reality! But luckily, this wasn't a major disappointment because I had prepared myself and I had allowed myself to be open to just learning about him and accepting him as he is. Luckily for me, there were many other things about him that did ring true. And there were things that I learned about him during our meeting that I would never have learned over the internet - things I could only learn in person. And many of those qualities are the things that I love most about him today.

But that could have turned out very differently. I think our meeting was successful because we had discussed this ahead of time ... because we tried our hardest to start with a clean slate ... because the only thing we were truly hoping for was friendship. And with luck and a hell of a lot of work, it paid off.

The fantasy aspect of on-line relationships can be addictive ... and because of that, it can be dangerous and damaging. Do your best to keep your head about you. Protect yourself. Face the fact that you know almost nothing about this man other than what he has chosen to tell you. Make an effort to break out of Dream Land for a while and talk frankly, openly, and honestly with this man (and make sure he does the same).

I know that my relationship with Sheff sounds like some glorious romantic fantasy, but it took a lot of work and a lot of honesty (some of it very painful) and a lot of open communication skills and TONS and TONS of patience and time. It also took a lot of personal refection on both of our parts (And some therapy for me). Wonderful relationships can be created through the internet. Just be aware that it takes a lot of work.
Moonpieluv
Wow... I was kidding about the wedding dress thing.... I'm not a silly nincompoop, just a gal entertaining thoughts. No seriously, it has been fun to fantasize about it turning out well, but I am a practical girl who realizes that the likelihood of that would take a lot of getting to know each other, and we may decide to pass after such exploration. It's been fun to think about him at night because honestly, I don't lay down to someone every night like you do. But that's just it. Fun. not reality. That's why it seems so strange to even have this kind of relationship with someone.... because we don't know so much. That's a part of the reason why I posted in the first place..... It's like a mystery. I agree that we have a tendency to fill in the gap's, imagining all the stuff not expressed in a message. The fantasy was strongest the first two weeks of correspondance and has become more real and complicated as the time approaches to his undefinite visit. But again, I will re-interate that this is my first time ever having done this, and my fantasies spawn from the dubious part of me.... fun to think about, but would it ever happen? probably not. And that's not being cynical, that's being practical. Now that the likelihood of him visiting to "check things out", survey the situation, is possible... that' s where the many things that need to taken into account begin. You must remember his roots are west coast... so it will probably be a short-lived visit. I'm just saying up until now, it seems as if we would be compatible. I would say this type of communication takes MORE work than seeing someone in the flesh right off the bat.

There are a lot of what-if's. Nervousness. But like I said, we have only been corresponding for a month with no phone calls. That's hardly enough time to discover someone or determine whether they would be primarily compatible with you, let alone a potential HUSBAND. That's a given, so I'm sorry if my last message seemed as though I am a girl in la-la land without practical reason. And I certainly do not wish to offend you in any way because it did take a lot of work, honesty, etc. for you and your husband at that time by whimsically discussing weddings with a man I haven't met yet. I'm not where you are now... I don't even have a definite on his visit. Also, you're story is romantic.... relationships take work with all involved and the fact that you guys have entered this union knowing that and committing to that is romantic in itself.
I just wanted to know someone else had been in this situation. I'm sorry you missed my attempted humor in the last message. I thought the eyeroll face woulda given it away that I was being goofy.
roseviolet
Oh, thank goodness, Moonpie! You can see why I might be worried, though. Your post makes it sound as though you two have already planned out some of the details of your wedding ceremony & reception; that sent up some huge red flags for me! I'm glad to hear that you're trying to keep your wits about you, afterall. I guess that just goes to show you how imperfect on-line communcation can be. Those non-verbal cues make a big difference!

At any rate, I hope that you and this guy make an effort to speak to one another on the phone a couple of times before you meet in person. I know the time difference can make that pretty difficult, but I'm sure it'll be worth the effort.
nickclick
rosev, i didn't know that's how you met your hubby, right here in the BUST lounge!?!?!?!? very sweet! moonpie, looks like you found the right girl for advice, so i won't add anything except my well wishes and my little story.

my bf and i met from match.com. there were a couple of other profiles i fell in love with before i met the people behind them, who i did not feel any connection with on the date. mr. nc's profile didn't wow me over but he was a real cool guy when we met, and has been ever since. the online thing is a road like any other to meet someone, but you can't know half of it until you meet IRL.
Moonpieluv
Hey, thanks for the story, nick. This whole thing is definitely different for me. He says he's lookin into flights as his work visa is up in March. No mention really of whether he plans on staying in a hotel or.... I would think it best to go the hotel route seeing as we could meet and not click at all, or click and just need to take things slow. So I'm definitely going to suggest that seeing as I don't KNOW him. Doesn't seem like a psycho, but you never know for sure. I'm also going to take a cab out to the airport so we can have a third person in the car just in case. I've also let my mom and close friends know that this could be occuring. So I think I've covered all the bases with security. Again, I do this because I have my wits about me.
We haven't exchanged numbers yet.... Suppose I've been a bit shy regarding this cause it is so new and he is in the thick of transfer logistics and last minute work for super cash and there is a time difference.
I'll take the chance and ask him. What do I have to lose anyway? He sure is hot in his pics, though! And our correspondance is fluid, but not completely revealing.... so either he's waiting to spill it when he's confident in our "union" or fearful or.....? He did say that the online thing is super new to him, as well and he thought he'd just end up meeting someone for a few dates or whatever. But then we found each other and.... So I wonder if the not laying the cards out on the table thing is his inexperience, dubiousness, or trickery. Online. tricky communication. ergggh.

Must hear his voice. As for the wedding thing... it was like he was just gauging whether I was the marrying type in the first place. A test to see if I was a family lady or not. Again... a values kinda thing. NO mention of it again.

How long did you wait before meeting him, nick? I've noticed that you post a lot in Moving. What was the duration between the ex and your current bf?

Thanks for the support ladies!!!
nickclick
you are smart to be secure when you meet him. if he's cool he'll appreciate that, rather than be offended. sounds fun and keep us posted!

mr.nc and i chatted by email about a month and only spoke on the phone once or twice before meeting for dinner, but yes it's different because we only live 45 minutes away. before this i had been in a 9 year relationship that ended about 9 months before i met mr.nc. well, it officially ended then but was over for me before i physically left. i was ready to try dating only a couple of months after the breakup, although it was still weird, something i hadn't done since i was 20!
Moonpieluv
Well........it's been a week since I've heard back from him and mentioned that we should talk over the phone. a week. Oh well. I keep thinking that maybe he doesn't have a home computer and has to hit a cafe or the library when he can or that he's really is that busy and can't make it to the cafe or whatever during the hours in which it's opened. Excuses. If he can't hold this correspondance together now, what makes me think he'll be able to do it in the future? I'm not doing that waiting crap.... it's worse than waiting by the phone, hoping he'll call like a damn Dorothy Parker short story. I'm not going to go the Dorothy route, although I love her work.
Glad it worked out for you guys. Now I have to deal with the fact that my ex might be moving back here from nyc. sigh. ah geez.... blink.gif
dj-bizmonkey
whoa, no one has posted in here in a loooooong time. anybody out there in a long distance relationship? 'cause i am, and i could use some support, or just a sounding board?
p_176
i am! he lives in VA and i live in MD. what's up dj-bizmonkey?
mornington
i'm in the UK, and he's in pennsylvania. What's the matter, dj-biz?

*comfort hugs anyhow*
edie52
Yeah, I didn't know this topic even existed! It must have been so far at the bottom.

I posted about it in the General Relationship thread- I'm in a fairly new relationship that is also newly long-distance. Sigh. So, I'm all for talking about anything relating to this, I'm still trying to learn how to navigate through all of it... endless phone calls but no physical contact... not even knowing when we'll see each other next...

I'm in Northern Europe, he's in Canada.
dj-bizmonkey
yes! i'm so glad i'm not the only one.

i'm new to the whole LDR thing as well, it's the first time i've tried it since high school and that one ended in disaster. on the one hand, it's good for me to be involved with some one far away (i'm in LA, he's in ND), because i'm a grad student and it's hard enough for me to find time for myself, let alone try and factor some one else into my schedule. but there are other times when i just want to be held and comforted and all i've got is my pillow.

i've been oscillating between two different extremes. on the one hand, he can be a little needy, he calls alot, sends me texts, emails, the whole shebang. i know it's good to keep the lines of communication open, but some times, and i HATE to say this, but it gets to be a little annoying. i finally get a moment of peace and my phone is ringing. i can't keep coming up with clever conversation topics, when all i've done that day is read scientific papers, pick my nose, drink coffee etc. but then on the other hand, when he is busy, and he doesn't call as much or text, or i send out a 'feeler' in the form of an email or a message etc, and he doesn't respond, i end up feeling hurt. it's so bizarre. so he's damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. either i'm feeling nagged or i'm feeling rejected. anyone else familiar with this? i need to find the balance in between. i honestly do think we need to talk just a little less and not be so available to each other, but i have no clue as how to broach the subject. he's really sensitive, and admits he's never in his life felt this strongly about a woman. i've also been in alot more relationships than him and sometimes i feel like he doesn't quite know the ropes yet. this is of course, compounded by our being apart. i definetly do not want to break up, we're in it for the long haul for now, but i need to find balance. any thoughts?

also, i'm totally open to hearing any other problems, concerns, whatever that y'all are experiencing as well. sometimes it feels good just to know that you aren't the only one in the world having these emotions.

((p 176))

((mornington))

((edie52))

wow, thanks so much for responding so quickly. i hope we can revive this thread. mornington and edie, i can't imagine having an ocean between my boyfriend and i. i'm struggling to pay for domestic flights.

that's another thing i'm curious about. there is obviously going to be a financial burden when it comes to these kinds of relationships. this semester, i'm the one bearing the brunt of it. i have a fellowship, but i'm not exactly rolling in it, and part of me is really scared that he won't be able to hold up his end of the deal. is this something that y'all deal with too? how do you manage across an ocean or across a country?

ok, one last thing, sorry for the super-long post, but more issues keep popping up in my mind.

in terms of y'all's relationships, is there an end point in sight? or is the distance interminable? are you just seperated temporarily or have you always been seperated?

my boyfriend and i have only been in the same place for about 2 months out of the 8 months since we decided to be committed to one another. there is an end point for us, when he graduates with his masters in a year and half, but i'm tied to NOLA for the next 5 years. i don't want to plan that far in the future, because you never know what's going to happen, but i always wonder if he'll be willing to make a sacrifice for me and move down here. sigh. in the end, i just really miss him.

thanks for listening, and i'm hear to listen to each and every one of you as well. smile.gif
mornington
I'm not entirely sure how i'd handle that - maybe see if you can save it until you see each other, 'cos sometimes these things are nicer face to face (although it depends). I'm probably the needier of the two of us in my relationship, so I'm no use!

We've been together *counts* six months near enough (I count the day we first met face-to-face as the start, for convenience, but it's been a little longer since we figured we wanted to do the whole relationship thing). It's pretty much agreed that we visit each other alternately, and although I'd like a regular schedule for that, I'm not going to hold my breath. F has a lot of stuff going on in his life (mostly bitched about in kvetch) - but basically, his father is dying of cancer, his workplace is understaffed, and he's in the middle of a custody battle for a son he only met two months ago - Kidlet is three and a half, and the biomother is a flaming lunatic bitch from hell. So things are a bit... odd, at the moment. He had to cancel his visit over, so I ended up going over earlier than I'd planned.

On the financial - while he earns more than me (I'm a student, currently with no job), it's more expensive to visit here, so while I might pay more in airfares, he's got expenses here to deal with. Right now we're not at the stage where either of us want to - or feel comfortable - sharing finances. I just save up and ask my family for help (my last plane tickets were a gift from them).

Before all the stuff with the Kidlet and his dad, we had planned for him to move over here. Then he got promoted, so his job is better (and they want to hold on to him, so it'll be harder for him to transfer) and his family stuff... so while we're still planning on long-term, him moving over here etc, it's not going to be for a while. Part of me wants to put a date on it, but at the moment there's too much going on!

((((edie & dj-biz & p_176))))
p_176
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/article/0,6...-1291-1,00.html

this article has some good ideas on how to reacquaint yourselves with your SO. the VA guy and i worked things out better when we stopped worrying about if our relationship would last. in the beginning, we were both able to date other people - this way, we were able to see that we clicked better together than we did with other people.

as for the texting and phone calling - spread it out a little bit - if you have a night class, don't call him when you get back; wait until the next day. or if he has a poker night, he [should not] call you when he gets home. also, if we email a lot during the day, we don't talk on the phone that night, except maybe just to say good night.

this way, you know that you aren't talking that day because you are busy; so you are going to talk when you can focus on each other. savvy?

hope this helps...
starkitty
I don't exactly think of myself as being in a long-distance relationship, for some reason, but my boyfriend and I are living 5 hours apart at the moment. So far it hasn't been too difficult, but it's only been like this for 5 weeks so far, and two of those I was on vacation anyway. So we'll see. I am really, really excited that I finally get to see him again Friday, and I'll probably be pretty depressed when he leaves, but I'm hoping everything will continue to be more or less all right.
dj-bizmonkey
thanks for the advice p_176 and mornington! i definetly think i'll wait to talk to him about the constant contact thing until we're face to face. i agree, it's alot easier to get your point across in a gentle and loving manner when you can look some one in the eyes. it's funny, because i am usually the needier person in a relationship and this is the first time that the roles have been reversed. i don't know if that stems from the fact that i've been burned in my past few relationships and now i'm guarded, or if it's that he's less experienced in the realm of relationships. perhaps it's a combination of the two.

i think it's also a good idea not to worry too much about the future or the 'lasting' of the relationship, but i can be so psychotic when it comes to planning. part of me wants to be just go with the flow and see what happens, and it's not as if i'm picking out names for our children....but i do want something concrete to look forward to. i suppose i should just focus on our next visit (coming up in three weeks!!) and take it from there. i haven't had the time to check out that article yet (alot of other stuff on my mind) but i definetly want to.

we had a mini-fight last night on the phone (of course). i don't even know how it started. he's voiced to me that it makes him uncomfortable when i talk about other guys, ex's, whatever. he doesn't like to think about me with other men (surprise, surprise). so i've tried to be really careful about it and not open the ex-file. sometimes stories just come up, in the general flow of a conversation and they will involve something that happened when i was with an ex. i try to avoid those things too. last night i didn't even mention a name or a situation, or even a context. we were talking about going through puberty and that moved to menstruation. then i asked him if he'd ever 'ridden the crimson wave' as we call it. he hadn't, but he's had a significantly lower number of sexual partners than me. i said something about it being a personal choice and it was a moot point for us anyone since i'm on the 365 day pill. i made some comment about some guys thinking that it's gross, but that it didn't bother me because there was just more lubrication. maybe a little off-putting, but not foul! then there was silence and the rest of our conversation was basically me babbling, trying to get him involved in the chat again and getting nothing but one word answers. i didn't say anything specific about having period sex with other men, or mention names or times in my life. i simply alluded to the fact that i'd done it before. was i in the wrong? by the end of the chat i said, 'ok, well this is getting weird so i'm just going to go, sweet dreams.' and i hung up. no 'i love you's' no 'talk to you later,' nothing. i went to bed feeling pretty shitty. this is all compounded by the fact that on monday my grandpa had gone into hospice and asked to be taken off all of his medication so he could die peacefully. (he died this morning, but that's a whole other topic). i was obviously upset, and the last thing i needed was him making me feel guilty for some off hand comment. granted, he called me in the middle of the night, woke me up out of a dead slumber to tell me he was sorry, that it was his problem and he had no right to make me feel bad or be rude to me. i was barely cognizant, but i got the general sentiment.

in the end, i guess we're ok again, but the jealousy thing does worry me. it's not as if i make a point of talking about guys hitting on me or guys in my past, i just think trust is such a huge issue, especially when we're seperated by hundreds of miles.

the jealousy has another dimension as well. (man, this is going to be a long post, sorry for the novella). a few weeks ago i called to confirm with him the dates of my upcoming visit because i wanted to buy my plane tickets. he was really distant and finally said, 'we need to talk.' way back at the beginning of our relationship, when he came to visit me in Costa Rica, we'd been talking a little about our histories. he volunteered the fact that he hadn't slept with anyone since we first met way back last august. so i said what i thought he'd want to hear, that i hadn't been with anyone else, which was a lie. i felt in a bind. i had partaken of the worst fuck of my life in january when i'd first arrived in Costa and immediately wanted to erase it. i posted about it in 'let's talk about sex,' on the list thread. i also posted the majority of my list there and the fact that i knew what my number was but couldn't get the names i remembered the numbers to match up. he's seen me on this website before, knows my screen name and everything. i didn't think anything of it. apparently he was surfing around, bored and ended up coming into the lounge, saw my name, read my posts. all of them. including the list. now the two of us have put this issue to bed (no pun intended). i apologized for lying, explaining that i wanted him to see me in a certain light and i definetly didn't want to talk about the worst fuck of my life. i shouldn't have outright lied, but there are also things that i am entitled to keep to myself. he apologized for invading my space and was actually very embarassed that he did it in the first place. he realized that even though this is a public forum, it's not as if people irl know who i am here, despite it being open, there is a degree of anynonimity (sp?). basically, he felt like a jerk for invading my space, promised never to come back to this site, that i was my place and he had no right to be here. (i know other busties have SO's that post here, but i don't think i could handle it). even as i type these words, i still have a wave of paranoia that he'll break his promise and come and read this thread.

sooooo, long story long, i feel like his jealousy has gotten worse since he read my list, though he won't admit it. he tells me he doesn't care about my past, that's it made me who i am today, that he loves me and trusts me. still, in the back of my mind and his, is this long list of partners i've had, explained in gorey detail. i can't help but wonder when i casually mention something in passing that the list automatically pops in his mind. i don't want to constantly have to reassure him. it's exhausting. i love him, i just want to be with him any way that i can, but i can't stand feeling villainized for my past.

anyway, sorry to babble on and on and on.

starkitty, i would still consider 5hrs to be long distance, though count yourself lucky that when crisis hits, you can just jump in a car or a bus and go see him. i feel your anticipation as well. i can't wait to get up to ND and i know i'll me down in the dumps as soon as i have to leave. sigh. this is all so hard, but it's certainly better than the alternative.

thanks for listening, again, i hope your eyes are bleeding from all the text.
p_176
ugh. i've been there on the jealousy tip. i've dated lots of jealous guys (unfortunately); my current guy tries not to be jealous, since he knows i was no a virgin when i met him (he has not had a ton of experience in the dating arena) - and, to add to it - he (current guy) has actually met my exfiance. oy.
there's really nothing to solve the problem except for time and proving that he can trust you. hopefully he's willing to work to erase any images he has of you with someone else.
i've tried to relate any stories relating to my past as 'my friend said' or whatever. i also try to make my point without involving an ex stories - believe me, it takes practice~!
as for the fact that he has seen your postings on here about your past lovers, i don't know....that's a harder issue because he does have more of an idea about your numbers....it may just take more work to convince him that those guys are IN THE PAST and that you are with him and committed NOW. (this is what i had to do with my guy- i'm more aware of the need to tell him often (more often than i did with exes) how happy he makes me, and how lucky i am that i have him in my life.
that should calm him down :0)
themeiu
dj,
Personally I think you are totally justified in feeling upset about the jealousy issue. Its unacceptable for him to make you feel bad about having been with other people. When you have these relationships, etc. you didn't even know he existed. It is unreasonable for him to want to think that you have never been with anyone but him.
From what it sounds like, you have never given him any indication that you are interested in anyone else. Every relationship, past or present, has an effect on us and helps shape the people that we are. For you to have to deny that these things ever happened is silly and unrealistic. I think you should be able to feel comfortable talking about past partners if you feel the need to, for whatever reason (well, within reason smile.gif). Personally, I'm curious about my bf previous relationships because it tells me a little more about who he was/is.
It sounds like you feel like you have to edit your thoughts for him to feel comfortable instead of expressing what you really is really on your mind. Eventually this is going to make you feel at least a little resentful. I think that you should bring up your concerns about this to him. You have been with other people, this is the reality, and you didn't do it to make him feel bad or jealous, you were just living your life.
Hope that doesn't sound too preachy smile.gif
edie52
Hey everyone!

It sucks that these situations have to be so complicated. DjBiz, I kind of relate to the way your boyfriend is acting... not that that justifies it. It sounds like he's saying things that he wants to mean (that your past has made you the woman he loves, etc.) but he feels a different way. Feelings like jealousy are, unfortunately, usually illogical. I feel the exact same way about my boyfriend's exes. But I'm good and I don't say anything, because I know that I can't change the past. And I'm super-curious, I always want to hear about them, but it's probably better that I don't. But now that he's read the list... it may just take some time on his part. And I agree, a face-to-face talk is definitely in order.

As for the questions you asked: there is an end in sight, I will be moving back home next spring or summer. We've been together for less than 5 months (and I'm counting from the 1st date, becuase it was pretty obvious from the start). And we will definitely be seeing each other this winter, although that still feels like so far from now. As for the travel/money issues, for us it's a no-brainer because he's graduating in December and wants to travel, so him coming to Europe after Christmas makes sense. We want to do some travelling together, and he can also stay here with me for as long as he wants (although it might be weird if he stayed for a while because I have this other life here now, and school... I dunno). I was looking into flights for a surprise visit home before that, but I don't think I can afford it. I'm tempted to just Mastercard it, it'd be worth it, but then again I think I should focus on being here, there are so many places in Europe I want to visit while I'm here, and I also need to concentrate on school.

We talk a lot on the phone too. Pretty much every day. It's usually me who calls, which makes me feel needy, but I'm also 6 hours ahead here, so when I'm about to go to bed it's only afternoon there and if he hasn't called I just call him. Is it that bad to talk every day? I mean sure, maybe when silence begins to dominate we should hang up. I've avoided doing things like going home just to call him (instead of doing something with other people), so I don't think it's been hindering my life here.

What I'm worried about is whether everything will live up to our expectations when we see each other again. Because we talk a lot about how much we miss each other, and how good everything will be when we're together again. Maybe if we stay really close through phone conversations and little gestures like letters and emails, we won't have grown apart... but it still scares me. What really helps is that he's really reassuring and seems really confident that it will work out because we both want it so bad.

And! We had phone sex for the first time last night. Sort of. It's something I've wanted to do, I mean I'm fantasizing about him constantly, but we're both kind of shy. He's probably even more shy when it comes to talking about stuff like that. So we didn't say much, but I could hear him breathing and moaning, and we actually came at the same time (!) and it made me feel really close to him, but then it made me feel really far away too, we were lying there breathing together but I couldn't see or smell or feel or taste him, almost all of the senses were disconnected.

Whoa, another novella to add to the pile here...

Hang in there, ladies!
edie52
Oh, one more thing. Have any of you encountered haters like I have? By that I mean poeple who don't believe it will work out and are detremined to convince you of that? Before I left I had people telling me (mostly poeple playing the "older and wiser" card who have had similar experiences) that one or both of us would be unfaithful, or that it was unfair to us to stop living this part of our lives for the time being and also have all of these expectations for the future instead of living in the moment.... and someone also said to me that because we've only been together a few months we're still in the honeymoon stage (it's true- we've never even had a spat). Anyway, these comments made me really defensive, and later, concerned, but I don't worry about what other people think too much. Mostly I just think it's rude and annoying.
dj-bizmonkey
thank you so much for all the sage advice and different perspectives!

i do understand where the jealousy stems from, and men in general are just more sexually jealous than women. i haven't dated alot of jealous guys, so it's kind of weird for me. i've always felt that it was polite to be a little bit jealous, but in general that it's an ugly emotion. i really like your point, edie52, about it being totally illogical. it's so true and it helps put things into perspective. even though his rational mind knows that i love him and i'm not going anywhere, buried somewhere in his illogical, reptilian brain is this instinct to rage over any past or present sexual promiscuity. i am very jealous too (like you p_176), in fact in the exact same way. instead my jealousy manifests itself as curiousity. i want to know all about his past girlfriends, what they were like. he's pretty tight-lipped however and thinks it's strange for me to ask.

themeiu, not preachy at all! i appreciate your perspective as well and i need to find a comfortable balance between being sensitive to his emotions and insecurities and editing my life, as you say. excellent word choice there! and he knows he can't blame or punish me for me past, because, exactly like you said, i didn't even know he exisited. it's funny that women seem to be naturally curious about a guys emotional history, while men aren't interested in that part and are turned off, terrified, or enraged by the sexual history. there is definetly some sort of evolutionary force at work in those cognitive pathways.

edie52, thanks for sharing your story. we have alot of things in common. as i'd said before, my bf and i communicate alot as well. we don't have to deal with the huge time difference like you and your bf though. and i don't think anyone can put a number on how much is "too much." as long as the conversations are fulfilling and the commmunication is facillitating positive growth, then i think however much you want to talk is fine. my bf and i's communication levels have evened out now and i think it's more form the fact that we are incredibly busy with school. it's great that you have some things to look forward to as well. my bf is coming home with me for christmas holidays, and if all goes according to plan, he'll move down south with me for this summer. then it's back to LDR until he finishes school (in 2009). i totally understand your fear of not living up to expectations. the boy and i had only spent a few weeks together and then we went our seperate ways. we had this long, drawn out courtship through letters and occasional phone calls over a period of 6mos. then he came to visit me for two weeks while i was doing some field work in Costa Rica and that was that. we fell in love and decided to make things work and got to see one another a few more times over the summer. i had the same trepidations before i saw him in CR. i thought he'd had this built up image of me in his mind that wasn't accurate. i was terrified that he would be disappointed in me and i would be disappointed in him. the exact opposite happened, we blew each other away. i think if you've got the connection going, barring some huge emotional fallout or life-changing epiphany type experience, you'll probably be okay once your back in the same place again. be sure to take some time right at the beginning to be one on one, so you won't have to worry about social situations, awkward interactions when you've got friends around. there can be a lot of pressure there, to 'be cool,' or whatever. trust in the feeling and let the chips fall where they may. there will be things that annoy you, things that get brushed over by being seperated by miles and miles. but that's the truth of every couple. nothing will ever be perfect and the sooner you accept that, the sooner you will be happy. falling in love is a process of either revelling in or ignoring the faults of another person.

as to the haters, i haven't met anyone who outright told me it wasn't going to work, but their have been plenty of people who roll their eyes, as if to say, 'good luck.' i think they are just bitter because perhaps their LDR was a miserable failure. truth is, plenty of relationships, be they long distance or on the same street or in the same house, fail. in fact, the majority of them do. this should not be your focus or your concern. i've seen an equal amount of people succeed as those that break up. how much is it worth to you? how much are you willing put into it? how much is he willing to put into? are you both on the same page? these are the important questions. LDR's are especially prevalent in my line of work (primatologist). we go into the field for months, even years at a time, being seperate from our SO's by oceans and continents. i know plenty of happily married or coupled scientists that have always had to deal with distance. it does give me hope and comfort. fuck the haters, edie52! everything is relative and it's honestly impossible to determine if one relationship will work based on comparing it to another relationship with two totally different people. it's a different combination of circumstances, distance, personality traits, etc. i agree, it's rude and annoying. nothing is worse than the 'older and wiser' routine, like, 'oh, you'll see, just you wait.' blegh.

jeez, i can't help but write tons and tons about this issue. i suppose i've got alot of emotion and ideas built up that i have to express. thanks again so much for helping me revive this thread. it's so good to discuss these things!
mornington
*mini-rant*

so, normally, I try to talk to F every day, even if it's two minutes at midnight just to say goodnight (he works nights, so he's starting work as I'm going to bed). I usually try to call in the mornings when he's at work, because it's the middle of the night there, and so he's usually available to talk. Despite being permanently attached to his blackberry, he is the king of not actually picking up, and just letting it ring, especially at weekends.

His phone broke last week, when I was there - it went all squiggly and the buttons don't do what they're supposed to. He ordered a new one... and I haven't heard from him in three days now, since I got an email saying he was still waiting on the replacement. Nada.

Now, we argued a fair bit while I was out there... but am I worrying too much? Could he just be busy. I know he's a bit lazy about replying to texts/calls, especially when he's busy (which he is with his dad and the kidlet) but am I going insane too early?

damnit. I'd cope better if I didn't miss him so much and feel so shitty about the arguing.
raisingirl
((((Mornington))))) I don't know. Must be rough. Doesn't anyone have any house phones anymore?!
starkitty
(((at everyone)))

Mornington, good luck. Sounds like not much can happen until you actually get ahold of him.

So M is coming to see me tomorrow. I'm really excited, of course, but it's going to be a little strange as well. It used to be normal for us to go a month or so without seeing each other even when we lived in neighbouring towns, because he would always be out of town and I would be busy with rehersal, etc. However, we saw each other twice a week or more over the past summer, so this past month of not seeing him has been different than usual, even though I've been insanely busy with other stuff the whole time. It always takes a while to get back into the swing of things, and this is also the first time he'll be spending a whole weekend with me continuously, so that's going to be kind of a weird combination of factors.

Of course, mostly I'm just excited. But still.
themeiu
dj-biz,
Just had a few more thoughts today. Re-reading my post, it sounds a little harsh.. smile.gif I can understand where the guys is coming from. I've definately been the one on the jealousy end of things more times than I'd like to admit. And of course being many miles apart makes everything a little more intense. It's much easier to reassure a person when you can stare into their eyes and hold them while you do. I know that even now when my bf is away on business or such for extended periods of time, I still get a little less confident in the relationship (something I'm working on rolleyes.gif )

So, I still stand by what I said, but I see why this may be an issue for him, albeit being less than reasonable.

Mornington,
I know its hard, but try not to get too worried about it smile.gif. These things can seem much bigger than they really are, and worrying can just work you up, ya know? Sometimes men just don't think about these things. My man is awfully absentminded when he's busy. I think their brains just work differently.

starkitty,
Hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow, that is really exciting!
edie52
About the haters, I always wondered what they were suggesting we do- break up even though we don't want to, be miserable about it, and try to date people who live in our respective cities so we're not "missing out," and then quite possibly have those relationships become fucked up because we're miserable and miss each other? Seems crazy to me not to stay together when we both want to. You'd think this logic might shut them up, but it usually doesn't.

DjBiz, I liked hearing about the scientists who are frequently seperated by time and oceans... it sounds romantic, even exciting. Maybe that's the good side of being in an LDR- there's no shortage of anticipation, hope, longing...
dj-bizmonkey
((mornington)) i would just take a deep cleansing breath and try not to worry much about it. fighting doesn't equal breaking up, it's a natural part of being in a relationship. if he's got a history of being flaky about the phone then this behavior is kind of expected. sometimes those companies don't ship out phones for a couple weeks. if it's getting replaced by insurance or something it could be tangled up in bureacracy. it's so easy to focus on the negative when you're seperated. try and think about the most recent sweet thing that he did or said and let that be the indicator of his feelings for you. and if your worries still aren't allayed, send him an email. 'is your dialing finger broken?' good luck, i hope that you feel better.

(((to everyone!)))

themeiu, well i didn't think you sounded too harsh, and it was helpful for me to get a little tough love. like i said, it gave me a different perspective, which in my opinion is always important, so thanks!

starkitty, one good way to avoid the awk is to plan activities, kind of busy work to smooth out you two getting back into the groove of being together. but honestly, if you haven't seen him in a month, i am fairly confident you'll be spending the majority of your time in bed. *wink wink* (i am freakin' jealous!) but you could plan a picnic or a long walk in the park, or make some fun food like homemade pico de gallo or something else that's hands on and watch a movie. and like i've said before, at first, i would avoid going out with a large group of people. i've found that when i'm feeling nervous with my bf, if i get in a big group i end up just ignoring him, which is not a solution. good luck and have fun!

edie52, i mos def take comfort in the scientists, but another thing i think about is people in the past 500 years before cars and planes. imagine your husband gets on a boat and is gone for years at a time. back then, people survived on letters alone! it's incredible to think about, especially since we are living in a time with webcams, cellphones, emails, literally infinite possibilities in terms of communication.

how about phone sex? are y'all doing it? my man and i can't seem to master it. we always end up making jokes and getting off-topic. plus, my vibrator is really loud and it's distracting. any thoughts?

edie52
As I said Dj, (re: phone sex) we did it for the first time the other night. I think we've both been kind of thinking about it, but also feeling kind of nervous and silly, so in the past few weeks we'd been saying just a few sexy things and kind of leaving it at that. But the other night I was feeling pretty horny and lonely, so I just told him that I was touching myself, and said "just stay on the phone with me- you don't have to say anything if you don't want to" and within seconds he was breathing heavily, too. So yeah, whether we'll graduate to full-on dirty talk is still a mystery. But it did help me feel closer to him. Then again, just fantasizing by yourself is great too (and telling them about it later is pretty sexy, even if it doesn't lead to phone sex).
Garlic
QUOTE(edie52 @ Sep 20 2007, 04:37 AM) *
Oh, one more thing. Have any of you encountered haters like I have? By that I mean poeple who don't believe it will work out and are detremined to convince you of that? Before I left I had people telling me (mostly poeple playing the "older and wiser" card who have had similar experiences) that one or both of us would be unfaithful, or that it was unfair to us to stop living this part of our lives for the time being and also have all of these expectations for the future instead of living in the moment.... and someone also said to me that because we've only been together a few months we're still in the honeymoon stage (it's true- we've never even had a spat). Anyway, these comments made me really defensive, and later, concerned, but I don't worry about what other people think too much. Mostly I just think it's rude and annoying.

Yes, actually my boyfriend's housemate did just this, although how he can pretend to be older and wiser while he is only my age and my boyfriend is nearly thirty, so six years older than us, is beyond me. I actually think he is very sexist and immature, judging by other comments he's made, and have noticed that he's going out with a no-nonsense Northern Irish girl who's far better looking than him and will probably rip him a new arsehole if he tries anything stupid. Also, he dropped out of university, and I take a pretty dim view of people who do that - it's the twatty rich-kid thing to do. If you start, finish: some people didn't have the financial support to do otherwise. (E.g. me)

I dealt with this kind of thing in light of my expectations. I have never seen marriage as a long-term goal, especially since I know as many miserable married people as I do unmarried people. If it happens, ace, but if not, I don't really care and I suspect that being single will open doors for me in some ways. Therefore, the 'it won't work out' threat hanging over my head is no threat at all. Thus far we have lasted over a year, which is good going, and I have gained from the relationship and love my boyfriend very much. If we last long-term, that's great. If not, that will hurt me, but I will survive it and be able to move on to something else. I don't want children, which is another reason why people want relationships to survive long term. So exactly what is a threat of the impermanence of my relationship supposed to be conveying to me?

Not saying this will definitely work out for you, but for me, to sum up, the way of neutralising idiotic remarks like that is to remember that there is life beyond a relationship and also that the purpose of being with someone is because you care about them and enjoy being with them, not to satisfy some kind of social norm. Additionally, you are with your partner because you feel they are special, so going out with a convenient person in your town or city is a ridiculous idea - it might suit someone who was a bit emotionally immature, though. Hmmm.

As for the 'not fair' expression, I tend to find that, alongside the expression 'selfish', is used as a dirt word these days, without any real meaning, to tar any kind of action that people find hard to understand. Who exactly is it not fair to? It's a mutual decision on behalf of you two, and it's your relationship, so whose other opinion matters? Whenever I hear people saying 'not fair' and 'selfish' out of context, I tune out. Sounds like you may want to start doing the same.
starkitty
Well, M's come and gone (and come...but that's another story...). It was lovely, and not at all awkward, although I did wake up this morning rather confused at having him next to me. I'm trying to work out visiting Connecticut soon-ish, but we both have all sorts of conflicts going on for the next 6 weeks, which is unfortunate. I'm going to Chicago in the middle of that, though, so I'm going to try to come back early and spend a weekend with him instead of coming back here right away. Le sigh.
dj-bizmonkey
QUOTE(Garlic @ Sep 22 2007, 06:36 AM) *
Not saying this will definitely work out for you, but for me, to sum up, the way of neutralising idiotic remarks like that is to remember that there is life beyond a relationship and also that the purpose of being with someone is because you care about them and enjoy being with them, not to satisfy some kind of social norm. Additionally, you are with your partner because you feel they are special, so going out with a convenient person in your town or city is a ridiculous idea - it might suit someone who was a bit emotionally immature, though. Hmmm.


well said garlic, i totally agree.

starkitty, i'm glad you survived the weekend without the awk and i hope you can overcome your scheduling conflicts in the near future. i second that sigh.
edie52
Yeah, garlic, I agree. That's kind of what I was trying to say about the "not fair" comments. And my fear of "whether or no it will work out" is one of those things (like biz-monkey boy's jealousy, I guess) that's emotional and can't be entirely changed by logic. I mean, I'm not really thinking about marriage, but because I have such strong feelings for him now it's hard to imagine not being with him without being really upset. But anyway, we're in this situation now, and we're dealing with it as well as possible.

In other news, I've never been so horny in my life! It's been less than a month since I left, but I'm already going crazy. Of course I've gone way longer than that without sex (I went at least 6 months last year), but having someone you love and have had great sex with out there still wanting you is an entirely different beast.
dj-bizmonkey
i've got 10 more days until i can see my boy again and time has slowed down to a trickle. i HATE that. i spent the better portion of this weekend looking for new lingerie to bring with me. i've never been big into the sexy underwear thing, but this is the first time in my life when i've actually wanted to put it on for a guy. maybe he's just the first one that ever appreciated it. we're on the same page when it comes to all things sexual, yet another reason why i don't want to waste my time trying to find some one local.

we've been talking a ridiculous amount lately, on average 1-2hrs a day. it's a bit overwhelming and i'm freaked out that when we finally see each other, we won't have anything to say. then again, i like the communication rhythm we've settled into. it no longer annoys me. by the time he calls me at night, i'm so done with studying, i just want to blather on and on.

on that note, i've been thinking about haters lately. i talked to one of my good friends the other day. she is also in a LDR, only her bf is only 2.5hrs away in the next town. however, they don't get to see one another much because he is so busy in school and she works two jobs. i asked her how things were going and she said they weren't talking much but things were fine. still, i detected a note of sadness in her voice. i told her about the boy and me talking for hours every day. then she said, 'yeah, well, when you don't see eachother much, you should really spread that out more.' i didn't get mad, but i felt like she was trying to justify or rationalize what was going on in her own relationship. i've discovered through this whole thing that there is no formula, no prescription or blanket statement you can use to evaluate your interactions. it's different for every couple. in the end, i felt kind of sorry for her, because even though i don't get to see my bf as often, the lines of communication are wide open and we talk about anything and everything.

i've also thought about the people that think he and i should break up because of the distance, but honestly, i don't feel like that is even an option. if we broke up at this point, i would still think about him all the time, miss him, want to talk to him, be with him, so it would basically be the same as it is now, only miserable because we weren't together. i'd rather suffer through the rough patches of not being together all the time than face the alternative: a life without him in it. when a good one comes along, you can't just pass it up because of circumstance. i'm not an idealistic romantic however, i don't believe that 'love conquers all,' but i do believe that with hard work, diligence, committment, you can make a relationship work.

how are the rest of y'all doing out there? are you as desperately horny as i am (edie, i know you are!)?

mornington, did you ever resolve the whole phone issue?

anyway, i hope things are going good for you ladies....
starkitty
I know just what you mean about time. Unfortunately, I'm already getting that effect, and I won't even get to see M again for three more weeks. And hey, if sexy lingerie came in my size (or much of anything did, *shrug*), I'd be buying some too. Even though I have a suspicion he barely notices.

You know what? Good for you for being able to talk every day like that. Not that there's anything wrong with not doing so, but it sounds really nice. And I'm sure you'll have stuff to say when you see him. That is, if you have a spare moment to say anything at all. wink.gif.

Argh...somehow I miss M even more tonight. And I just talked to him, even though I really wasn't making any sense. I was going to see him next week, but of course his parents are visiting him then. *tears things*
edie52
I can imagine how much time will slow down when I'm that close to seeing my boy. It's already moving slowly. I'm prematurely thinking about what we're going to do and what I'll wear when I pick him up.

We also talk a lot, dj-biz. Almost every night, usually for an hour or more. Sometimes I think it's excessive, but we both want to, and do have stuff to say (when it gets to the end it's kinda silent, and sometimes I'm falling asleep because it's so late here, so we just say I love you and I miss you and hang up). And I actually told him that I wished he called me more because I felt needy always calling him, and he has been.

So it turns out that he's coming in December now instead of January. Which I feel better about- it's sooner (and "this year" feels better than "next year"), and we'll spend the holidays together, which could be a lot of pressure, but will hopefully just be nice (as opposed to post-holiday January, when there's not much going on except the weather getting worse). He's chosen to see me instead of his family, which I hope doesn't put a ton of pressure on our relationship or make them resent me. But, it's also my first Christmas away from family, and to spend it with him, who I feel serious about, makes me feel more adult, as opposed to feeling like some lonely exchange student.

So it's 1 month down, 2 to go. It already feels like it's been long enough. We've been working really hard at it. I just hope we can keep everything going as smoothly as it has been for another 2 months.

Yeah, masturbation's barely working anymore! I need some penis. And not just any penis...
dj-bizmonkey
i wish you had access to the store i was shopping at starkitty, it ranged in size from basically negative (which i didn't think existed, but some women are smaller than a zero) all the way up to quadruple xl. i don't know where you fall on that spectrum, but chances are there would be something. yeah, as for noticing, my bf likes the way it looks, but after about 30 seconds it ends up in a ball on the floor. as for the talking, like i said before, i think everyone has to find their own rhythm that they are comfortable with. i mean, i first posted in here by saying i thought he and i talked too much, but now i'm addicted. he woke me up at 2am last night after a poker game. i was in that sleepy, incoherent, border-line drunk sounding state, where you say ridiculous things. it was alot of fun, even though i hardly remember the conversation. and YES, i certainly hope a great amount of our visit will be spent in activities where we don't speak in complete sentences, *wink wink* right back at ya! oh and three weeks, hang in there baby, i always round down when i count days, as in, i don't count the day that i am thinking about it (as in, i wouldn't count from today, i'd count from tomorrow), and i don't count the day that i/he arrive(s), so basically, you're looking at roughly 18 days, which is basically 2.5 weeks. doesn't that sound better?

aack, parents visiting. i would avoid meeting the rents for awhile if i could, but that's not going to happen because a)he's already been though trial by fire with my family b)they caught wind of my visit (8 days away!!) and are driving up so the four of us can have dinner together and c)i'm going up there for thanksgiving. i suppose it's better to meet them for the first time outside of a holiday sort of context, but then again, if i make a bad first impression it will be exponentially more awkward at the holidays. sigh. the vicissitudes of life.

wow edie! christmas just the two of you? i think that will be fun and romantic and i agree, not thinking that your next visit won't be until 2008 just sounds and feels better. since i'm going through the thanksgiving drill with his fam, my bf is coming to see me for the christmas portion of the holidays. i'm looking forward to new years eve, because, for whatever reason, i haven't had an SO on NYE since i was 17. wow. let's see, rounding down for edie, hmmm. i don't know what sounds better, 2 months or 7.5 weeks. it's hard to say. just don't think about it in days, that might make you miserable.

i wake up masturbating these days, in the midst of erotic dreams. i've gotta get a vibe though, mine is ghetto, a total gag gift. i just can't bring myself to spend the $50 for a quality one. i am heading to the hustler store this weekend to get some fancy lube, maybe they will have something on sale. sigh.
dj-bizmonkey
p.s. i'm a psycho, i plan all the outfits i'm going to bring in advance and try them on before i pack. yes, as i said before, i'm a psycho.
dj-bizmonkey
AARGH! how is it possible that the price of an airline ticket can go up $200 more in just three minutes?
edie52
Hey, I just thought I'd check in and see how everyone is doing. Dj-bizmonkey, I'm guessing from your post in LTAS that you and le Man have been reunited? How's that going?

So, we're pretty much on the hump right now, the halfway point of our 3 month hiatus. He's buying his ticket this week (aiming for early December, like the day after he finishes school!), and I think just him buying it will soothe me.

I think I'm going through the same thing you were when you first posted on here, dj-bizmonkey. I feel like we talk a lot on the phone and it's getting kind of repetitive. I love him and want to talk but then I find myself getting annoyed, and I get annoyed at myself for being like that. I mentioned once to him that I was annoyed (it was really bad that day, I just couldn't hide it, because I was pms-ing to the max). He didn't call me the next day because he wanted to give me space, but confessed later that he was worried. I don't want to create many issues because it's harder to resolve these little disagreements when you can't see or touch the other person. When we talked yesterday I was annoyed at everything, then I was annoyed that he had to get off the phone, and after that I was supremely annoyed at myself for being so difficult and taking him for granted. I'm just going to try to keep these things in mind and try to keep it in check, and hopefully it will come real fast (I'm telling myself "soon it will be the end of October... and by the end of November he'll practically be here...").
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