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sexysandee
QUOTE(edie52 @ Mar 5 2008, 07:10 PM) *
Thanks, likeanyother. I decided to send him an email after my last post. I didn't want it to be too heavy so I wrote general stuff about what's going on over here, and then I wrote a small paragraph about how the communication feels very one-sided, and I'm NOT giving him shit, but I need more, and we will talk about it next time we speak.

I don't really think he's lost interest either- but the fear is always there. I think (and know) that he can be a bit flaky, and that he truly is busy seeing many family members he rarely gets to see.

So back to waiting. I hate waiting for emails. As soon as I've sent it I'm like "what's taking so long?" Whereas it might be a day before it even gets read.



I say that you may need to just stop showing interest in him. Even though you are interested. When you stop calling and e-mailing he will have time to miss you... then he will call you. If he doesn't then he is not worth your time and energy.

I know that it's easier said than done and at times I don't pratice what I preach, but that is what I would TRY to do.
geekchickknits
It seems like everyone is in the same boat....not hearing enough from the ldr.

For myself, I can tell I'm about to enter the communication void.

We had an AMAZING day together before he left. *this* close to perfect. We ran around the city and were one of those couples I hate who were making out everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. In the restaurant. On the street corner waiting for the light to change. In the park. Walking facing each other in a lip lock. When I pointed this out, he said, "Sure, but we have an excuse."

And now he's gone.

We decided we would stay in touch, and that at least I would see other people (although not tell him about it). I'd get a mic so we could skype, and he'd make sure that he gets internet in his house and that he gets his laptop fixed. It's this last one that makes me think I'm in communication void. I hadn't received anything from him for a while, and our last communications have been by text.

I wish we'd had more time together. I think I could fall in love with him.
edie52
Yeah, the communication void SUCKS! Do you know when you'll see each other next, geekchick?

Sandee, that's what I was thinking... that's why I was trying not to send an email every day (even though we were sending them once or twice a day the last time we were apart, to not make him feel smothered. You know the rule, play it cool. But we've been together for almost a year now, so you'd think we'd be past the games... I thought we were on the same page. Showing our feelings for each other unabashedly.

I'm trying to keep it together. He'll probably call, all happy to finally talk to me, and I'll be pissed that he hadn't called sooner. I'll try not to let that happen. I'm pissed that this is affecting my mood so much. What's also not helping is that my back is so sore I can barely walk (nerves), and most of my (few) friends here are out of town.

*deep cleansing breath*
starship
Hey all
edie, I did the whole 'im not messaging you until you message me and put in some damn effort' thing recently. Trouble is he had the same attitude so we didnt end up speaking for 2 weeks lol. completely stupid. Plus, like you said, once youre relationship gets passed a certain point playing games like that is just plain frustrating. Some stuff has happened that has made me a little insecure in my relationship so Ive (unintentionally) been leaving it to him to get in touch first all the time. I think its some subconscious way of getting reassurance that he's still interested but it kind of had the opposite effect. He gets angry because he thinks Im the one losing interest.
My bf no longer has internet and probably wont for a while. Hes made a little more effort than usual with the phone but, lets face it, a few half-hearted texts when its convenient for him just doesnt cut it. Pretty much sucks at the moment relationship-wise. Im not letting it get to me though or I may actually go mad. We're seeing each other in a weeks time so I guess Ill just see what happens then...
edie52
A week, yeah! That's not long at all in the ldr-world. You're lucky. I have about 2 months to go...

Oh, and we finally made contact- not phone but internet chat- it was nice. Everything seems fine. He was happy to talk but I guess he just doesn't feel an urgent need like I do. Maybe he's more secure. Plus, he pointed out to me that he hasn't been feeling so lonely because he's surrounded by family where he is right now. I think time has probably been passing more slowly for me.
geekchickknits
edie, the thing that REALLY sucks, is that I think the earliest I'll get to see him would be July. Maybe. Maybe November if I learn fluent French and all the stars align.

And those are the work related possibilities.

Otherwise, I'd better start saving because a plane ticket to Africa is $3000. Plus living expenses while I'm there.

Starship, a week is nothing - you'll be skin on skin before you know it!

An ex of mine used to travel for work a lot - 1-3 months at a time. It was always interesting because I would start to get upset a couple days before he would leave, and then be fairly needy while he was on the road for the first little while. Then in the week or two before he'd be back, I'd start to get all of these phone calls and texts "I miss you, I love you......" and I'd be like "Dude, you're going to see me in a couple of days!" He always said it was because women miss people before they go, since they're predicting being without them, whereas men don't miss someone until they miss them (ie, are in a situation that causes them to wish that person was there or want to talk to them). So in the week before he'd come home, he's be thinking about being home and being with me, and it would send him spinning into "miss you" mode.

Thoughts? Anyone else experience the same phenomenon?
edie52
Yeah- when I left last year I would randomly start crying several times a day in the week before I left. He said it hit him once I was gone.

So, now I think everything's NOT okay again. We spoke (with voices) for the first time in over a week, and he sounded really distant and said he had to go. Okay, he had an explanation, but I'm at the point where I can't tell if it's a good explanation or if it's an excuse. I can't tell if I'm crazy. I do the thing where, when we're talking I say "it's okay, I understand." And when we hang up I have all these questions and accusations. What a bad feeling.
starship
Ah, Im so guilty of always saying its fine but really my minds spinning too. He's probably just got a lot on- Im sure if you were really busy and occupied too then youd be the same too. Once the novelty has worn off of seeing his family again he'll be missing you like crazy. The fact that youre putting in extra effort and are hanging around waiting for contact probably makes him more laid back about it too. Try to keep as busy as poss' to keep that pesky paranoia at bay...

Yeah one week is nothing at all...it's just all the time up until now thats the problem lol.its been wayy too long. The last couple of times I was really looking forward to seeing him but he couldnt come in the end. Im hoping seeing each other will sort things out one way or the other. its so much easier to express yourself in person. sometimes if Im explaining my feelings online etc he interprets it as though Im angry or attacking him, when really thats not the way it was intended at all. gah

geekchick, If we arent able to communicated/see each other much then I usually miss my bf a lot a first but then kind of get used to it and cope better. I think he's the other way round- probably finds the space refreshing and okay at first but after a while starts to miss me. So yeah, youre right
geekchickknits
edie, I'm with starship - keep as busy as possible. Make plans to do something social everyday. That way, you aren't waiting for him to get in touch, and if he does.....you've got lots of fun stuff to tell him as a bonus! Yeah! Everybody wins! It doesn't even have to be anything big - having tea with a friend after work, or if all else fails, catch a flick you've really been wanting to see, even if it's on your own.

And as for the whole "i'm fine, mind spinning later thing" I know that very often, it takes some time for me to process things and really know how I feel about them. Sometimes I'll have an initially strong response to something that I'll later get some clarity and sense about, and sometimes, I'll under-react to something that will hit me later like a ton of bricks.

I think it's ok to tell them your reaction has changed "I know when we were talking earlier I said xyz, but the more I thought about it, I began to feel abc, because of 123"
starship
He has disapeared the last 2days. He has no home phone line & therefore no internet at the moment so it may be a problem with his mobile phone but stillll...frustrating.worrying..and so on....
sheesh
edie52
Yeah, Starship, I know how hard that can be... those 2 days can seem endless... anyway, take your own advice! Stay busy, and try not to dwell on the negative.

I became so neurotic last week that when we finally did talk I was mostly just complaining- about how our communication isn't what it used to be, and then about other issues (money, school) that have been stressing me out. He tried to help but after while he straight up told me I was being negative and it was really hard on him. I needed to hear that... now I think things are getting better. It's hard when you're long distance because what is said on the phone (or in emails) is kind of it. If we were together he could get annoyed by my complaining but then we could cuddle, have sex, eat food, go for a walk... and things would feel positive again. I think I'm going to be mindful about staying positive on the phone or in emails, since it's all we have at the moment.
starship
lol will do edie. Sounds good with your bf now too smile.gif. I know what you mean- every little arguement seems so much bigger when youre appart and usually takes more effort/time to sort out too. Thats part of the frustration
...I rang him today and got through.he has no money until he gets paid next week (i hate that hes crap with money) so couldnt top up his phone or anything.He said he was going to travel to an internet cafe tomorrow to message me.No money also means he wont be coming tomorrow as planned sad.gif. Im getting kind of pissed off with it all now. He said he promised that the first thing hed do with his wages next week was take the money out that he needed to come see me. Im sick of being let down and am coming to the end of my tether with this relationship and the whole situation.gutted
geekchickknits
You know edie, just because you're on the phone doesn't mean you can't have sex to ease the tension after an argument. That is....if you're both able to get to a private area wink.gif But he's right about trying to keep things positive. I find at any time when I need to express my needs, or confront someone about something, I try as much as possible to keep it about myself. Instead of "You're not communicating enough." try "When I don't hear from you for a couple of days, it makes me feel like you're losing interest. When I start thinking this way I get upset, because then I feel like I'm being needy and clingy which is not how I want to be in a relationship. I know that you're busy, and spending time with your family, but I miss you a lot when you're gone, and even a short text, phone call, or email lets me know you're thinking about me, and brightens my whole day."

or something like that.

starship, that totally blows. Honestly, I'm new to this forum and don't know all the history between you and your mans, but being bad with money is a big red flag for me......and that's coming from someone who's trying to improve her own money habits and repair the damage done. And if he can't work it out enough to come see you....well, I'd be sick of it too. It's hard enough doing the ldr without having a partner crap out on visiting.

On the upside for me, the void is not the void I thought it was going to be....already a short call, a text, and an email (in response to one I sent). It may not always be this good....but right now it is - just gotta enjoy it..... "I may not write as long emails as you, but this is just to remind you that there is someone very far away, halfway around the world missing and thinking of you" I've never dated a guy who's said stuff like that before.

Wow. Long post.
starship
QUOTE(geekchickknits @ Mar 11 2008, 09:21 PM) *
starship, that totally blows. Honestly, I'm new to this forum and don't know all the history between you and your mans, but being bad with money is a big red flag for me......and that's coming from someone who's trying to improve her own money habits and repair the damage done. And if he can't work it out enough to come see you....well, I'd be sick of it too. It's hard enough doing the ldr without having a partner crap out on visiting.


the alarm bells have been ringing for me too. Ive talked about it before in the Two cents thread. Its part of the reason why we are still in a LDR. He has said he's willing to move here but I know what its like to be worrying over money all the time and so wouldnt want to live with someone like that. I couldnt move him here away from his family/friends/job and then suggest we live separately so Im not quite sure what to do. On the other hand he is quite young now and has no real responsibilities etc so maybe its just me thinking its worse than it is. We're very different when it comes to money. I like to have security and dont spend what I dont have but he sees nothing wrong with taking out quite big loans just to have fun with:/. He knows Im not happy about him letting me down again just because of money and has apologised. If things dont change then I dont see myself being with that sort of person longterm no matter how much i love him. Its my birthday next week too and if he lets me down again then that is definately it. Id rather go through a few months of heartbreak getting over him than the prolonged agony of being disappointed all the time
sigh

hope youre all well

special k
Hi ladies,
Just to butt in.. starship, I think you're right. Maybe if he's young, he just needs a wake-up call to reality and how to handle his money... he says he's sorry for not getting it together to see you, but if he really wanted to be with you, he'd make more of an effort (in my opinion). Also if he says he's willing to move, then why doesn't he? And that's not move IN with you, but just to the same location... would a job be hard to get? Of course it sounds bad if you say to him, "sure, move here, but not in with me". You're not making him move and hopefully he realises that he can make it work if he really wants it... easier said than done of course, and he might only realise it too late.

But, I mean really.. in my experience, long-distance is awful. I feel like I'm in limbo and I would do anything to shorten the distance between me and my man. He would too. For us, I think its compounded by the stress of both of us trying to finish dissertations (him 2 weeks to go, me 2 months...) At least we speak everyday (usually between 12-2am at the moment) and I'm so tired I sometimes almost fall asleep while on the phone. Sometimes I don't want him to hang up, I just like hearing him breath...damn I miss him. But thankfully he really is finishing in 2 weeks because he's already bought his plane ticket..

So I hope for you girls the distance is shrinking. Geekchick, thats really cute.. I had the same thoughts with my guy..some of his texts just make me melt, but also made me miss him a lot. Starship and edie, I hope things smooth out for you. Relationships are two-way after all.


geekchickknits
starship, on the idea of him being young, I'm with special k.....to a certain degree......how young is young? If it's over 25, in my mind - no excuse. As for taking out large loans - unless he's taking them to invest in his future (ie. school, rrsp, moving to be with his woman, consolidating debt) he should be doing it.

"he sees nothing wrong with taking out quite big loans just to have fun with"

That is not youth. That is immaturity. I hope he does shape up, and soon, because if everything ends up working out with you guys, it would be a shame for him to saddle YOU with all that debt.

And I don't think there is anything wrong with asking him to move to your town without moving in with you. It gives you both an out if things don't end up working.
starship
thanks for the perspectives

Well hes only like 21 which is what I mean by young but i definatey agree on the immaturity thing too. Im young also but totally against taking money you havent earnt in that unecessary way (i only have student loans but thats kinda different). And theres no way he's saddling me with any debt. hell no. Hence one of the reasons for not living together yet. He says he 'doesnt care about money' and there are more important things in life. i dont buy that for one second. Im not money-obsessed or greedy or anything and know that there are a million things more important than money...but that doesnt mean you have to be an idiot about it. It pisses me off a bit that im working so hard studying so I can get the things I want whilst he just expects it to be handed to him. gah
This is more of a general relationship issue than a long distance one lol

I have a feeling things are going to change soon anyway. One way or the other

hope things are going well for you all smile.gif
geekchickknits
lol I guess you're right starship......more general relationship than ldr.....

I will simply put good thoughts out there for both of you........

Money may not be the most important thing in life, but it can be a useful tool get you to the things which are important......home, health, and love.

Things are pretty good here. Hope the same is true for you. Here's to epiphanies.

newo_ikkin
Ok I just need to vent... my boyfriend was home for the weekend and his family was in town. We had a blast hanging out with them, but had ZERO ALONE TIME. ugh

The only time we were alone was in the car driving somewhere because there were too many people to fit in one vehicle. We tried to sneak off at a party we went to but were followed, and our friend had to declare to the rest of the house "I think they're having sex in there!!" which was actually the funny part. But she wouldn't stop pounding on the door. He was even kicked out of his own bedroom so his sister and her boyfriend and baby could use it. That's understandable, but it meant we were sleeping on the most uncomfortable air mattress in the middle of the living room.

Last weekend he was home for a couple days, but I was completely stressed out with exams starting that Monday and had to work most of the time anyway.

I get to see him next weekend, and we've already decided it needs to be spent making up for lost sex time. hahaha But seriously... family is cool and all, but can we just be alone for 10 minutes please?

[end rant]
geekchickknits
I just found out my man is going to be at a work thing in France in April, which currently, I will not be attending.

Boo.

Boo-urns.
newo_ikkin
Geekchick, bummer! I've been there before. Not quite as much distance from here to France, but him being gone and unattainable for the week because there's too much fun stuff going on in between the business stuff.

For the past few months he's been saying he'd be coming with me wherever I go for my clinical studies this fall. Now all of a sudden he's thinking about moving to Florida for an internship for about 9 months. Completely mixed feelings on that situation, from both sides.
geekchickknits
newo_ikko, my man doesn't live here.....he lives in Africa. We work for the same company - that's how we met. Going to France would be an opportunity to see him for a couple of days, when the earliest I may be able to see him next will be July - if I'm able to go to there. I miss him so much. We didn't have a lot of time together before he went back, and I what we did have was one of the best times I had in my life. I'll probably hear from him more often while he's there, because he'll be staying in a hotel and will have internet and a land line. He doesn't currently have internet in his house because it's really expensive there, and he only has a cell phone. (I get v. short calls and longer texts from him every couple of days, and every so often and email when he can get to a cafe)

As for your situation, is the internship something he's known about for a while, or did he just hear about it? Would it lead to a longer stay (ie a job) there once it's finished or would he then be able to come and join you where you are?
newo_ikkin
My clinical study time is basically an internship, but in a hospital. Mine is required for my degree, and his is just strongly suggested. He had a small internship this summer and would like a bigger one this summer because the more he has, the better job offers he'll get. He's been sending stuff out all over the state for over a year now but no takers. All the good ones are out of state, and he figures if he's got to go out of state, he might as well go somewhere cool. We both want to end up back home though since we're pretty close to our families, who live a couple blocks apart.

We've been long distance from the start, and the end to that was in sight for a while. That's made these past months so much easier. But I guess we shouldn't have gotten our hopes up so soon.
geekchickknits
hmmm, that is tough. If you're both in it for the long haul, it's possible that a little more time apart will mean more freedom of where he can go in the future. At least in my situation I KNOW I'm not going to see him for a long time.

I guess the real question is, were the situation reversed, what would you do? What would you want him to do in your shoes?
newo_ikkin
Were the situation reversed I would have gotten my internships taken care of a long time ago. He waits too long to send out the applications and they're all full by the time he does, and its the same thing every semester. He's graduating after this semester and its 10 times more difficult to get an internship when you're not a student, or so his friends have told him.

Whatever happens, happens. I'm not worried about the distance, I would just like for it to go away.
geekchickknits
I spent $30 on a webcam with a mic and haven't heard from my man in almost a week.

I know it's not that long especially since it will be a while before I see him again but.....

grr.
newo_ikkin
word on the "grr" geekchick. Unacceptable...
geekchickknits
My "grr" had world wide vibrations. I got an email the next day saying how he knew he hadn't written or texted for a while and that he missed me a lot.

Crazy!
edie52
I'll be home in a little over a month. For good!

It'll probably be a strange adjustment again, like when he visited in the winter. But I hope it's mostly wonderful and that we continue moving forward... whatever that means. I mean, our relationship has continued to grow despite the distance, but at the same time it feels suspended in time. It's harder to work out tough problems over the phone (or skype, maude forbid). There's a temptation to not even address them for fear of having a blowout fight with an ocean in between.

And, one word: sex.
dj-bizmonkey
wow, edie, that's crazy! i feel like it was just yesterday you were staring down the barrel of three months apart or something. it feels so good to have that to look forward to. i've got about 6 weeks until my man moves down here. not for good, just for the summer, but it's nice to know that the next time we see each other it won't be some blip on the screen, it's going to be a significant portion of time.
newo_ikkin
He graduates in a month, then he's living at home for the summer! (at least that's the plan for now)

I just realized today that I've seen him almost every weekend for the past couple of months. I don't really know if that constitutes LDR anymore? Our spring breaks weren't at the same time so maybe that's why it worked out so well.

edie: good riddance to that feeling of being suspended in time! and yay sex! Make sure you guys make up for all that lost time. ;-)
edie52
Sooo... just under a month to go now. I must admit, it's starting to wear on me, and if I weren't going to be home in a month things would probably be going downhill, fast. I'm just finding it hard sometimes not talking for a few days and not knowing what he's up to, and really not being truly in his life except as a voice in a computer. I also don't feel as though he's making the same effort as he was before. We talk often but the random sweet emails have stopped (maybe because we chat on skype now so every time we're both logged on we end up chatting, a lot). I'm sick of complaining about this. I'm sick of saying I want more when nothing is tangibly wrong. It makes me feel like a crazy person!

I really hope everything goes back to normal when I get home. Being in a long distance relationship is so hard sometimes. Now I understand why my friend told me "don't do it... unless you're in love... then you have to, but it'll still be hard." She was speaking from experience; she and her boyfriend lived on different continents for almost 2 years.
geekchickknits
Hang in there edie! He'll be there before you know it. Check it out - it's already been three days since you posted - that's a 10th of the time gone! And please don't feel crazy about wanting something more - there is something wrong - you can't hug your man when you need to.

On my side of things, my man finally got internet in his place, and we had a couple of webcam chats over the weekend. Unfortunately, there is something wrong with my computer - apparently the hard drive needs to be replaced - so a lot of the time things were garbled or the connection was slow. But it was so good to see his face!

He also introduced me (put the webcam on) his family that was in the house.....his sister....his nephew.....and his son. Hmm. That's news to me. To a certain degree I understand why he didn't tell me before, but I'd love to hear what other people think.
starship
yep, its not long now edie smile.gif. &youre not crazy at all. infact it sounds like pretty much any LDR where love is involved

seems like things are improving for you too geekchick. although, having a son is kind of a big thing not to come up in conversation:/. what were his reasons for not saying? or what you think the reasons were anyway

Im too depressed about my relationship situation to talk about it right now. its not so good. thought id pop in here anyway....
geekchickknits
I've been racking my brain, trying to remember if he did tell me about his kid, and I forgot, but I don't think he did. I think that's the kind of thing I'd remember.

He says he doesn't like to talk about his family. OK, that's fine, but one would think in talking about past relationships that that would come up. Granted - I never asked him if he had any kids, maybe that's something I should start doing as I get older. Just because I'm pushing 30 and childless doesn't mean others automatically are.

I think he was worried I wouldn't want to be with him if I knew. I also think that because our time together was so limited, he wanted to focus on us, and being in the moment. And he did tell me, just not in the way or the time that I would prefer. Honestly, I'm surprised more than angry. If he had lied about not having kids and then I found out he did - then I'd be royally pissed.

So now I just need to get some details about this - which I am starting to ask in a very non-threatening way: Keep it about the kid at first, then move into what the status of the relationship with the mother and the living arrangements are.
laurahfc
When I recently started dating again for the first time since 1987 (!) I freaked out. The only way I could really handle it was to think of it as a research project, to find the right dating service. Then I started thinking about it as a business, and it turned into www.LoveHowTo.com. The Dating Directory profiles more than 150 sites (yes, I checked them all out, don't ask). Please check it out if you are trying to choose a new dating site. Laura
geekchickknits
I have a skype date on Sunday! I hope our internet connections are both good - I am really looking forward to a long conversation.....and maybe even some cyber-portions? Perhaps perhaps....only time will tell.....
edie52
Ooh, exciting! Though Skype has failed me, the connection is always bad, and now to top it off the audio on my bf's computer has completely stopped working (no fault of skype, though). So we can only chat. I've also called him on his home phone from skype using skype minutes (which you have to buy), and the sound was so awful that the conversation has very little chance of going anywhere.
geekchickknits
That's too bad edie. We've been trying to chat by video call using messenger, and it doesn't end up working well. I've been using skype for business over the last little while, and I think the connection will be better. He lives close to the airport though, and I think that's part of the problem.
newo_ikkin
ugh... he'll be home in a couple weeks but our communication has taken a dump in the past week or so. We have 1 opportunity a day to talk on the phone, and its usually right before bed time. He's been going out a lot and never thinks to step away from the group of people for 10 minutes, even if I ask him to he's still half-talking to them. All we've been doing is texting for 3 days. I just don't think its necessary to blow me off like that, even with the circumstances.
[just venting]
dj-bizmonkey
i get your frustration newo ikkin. when you're in an LDR, phone conversations are like dates. they are the time you set aside to bond with one another. how would he feel if you were on a date together and you spent the whole time talking to other people and only half-listened to him for 10 minutes!

on a lighter note, my bf will be here in 3 weeks! i can hardly stand it. i'm so ready to move on to the next step and i don't think i could have handled just another short visit. he's going to stay until the end of summer, so we'll see if this relationship is actually going to work or if it will be time to go our seperate ways. i have very high hopes though.
edie52
Yeah! Two weeks for me! *high fives*

I know what you mean, dj-biz, about moving to the next step the relationship. I'm going to be home for good this time so maybe I should just relax and see what happens, but at the same time I feel like it will be the first time in a while when I can really evaluate how well we're doing or what we need to work on. I have a good feeling too, and not many worries.

We talked briefly today about moving in together, but we both decided it was too soon in our relationship (esp. considering we've been long distance for most of it), and also not something to be decided while I'm still over here. I don't want to rush it, but it's nice to have it out there, as something we can come back to in the future (we'd been skirting/avoiding the issue for a while, because we both talk about wanting to move, but neither of us wanted to bring in up in an online conversation... he finally did though).

Newo ikkin, that sucks about the communication thing... and I have to say that seems pretty insensitive of him. You'll be together soon enough, but I also think you should talk about it before then. Perform some general maintenance. That's one good thing I think being in an LDR has taught me- that relationships need constant maintenance (by that I guess I mostly mean communication). Sounds like a no-brainer, but I think I've only fully realized it in this situation. I've been forced to do it and now I see how much it can help in any relationship, and how it was missing from my previous ones. Helps to have a partner who is communicative also...
dj-bizmonkey
yeah, i'm a little nervous about moving in together right away, but he and i are in such a weird situation. honestly, i'd always told myself that i'd never live with some one until i was married. not because i'm a prude, but i feel like the care and support i would give to a man if he lived with me, he would only deserve if he was willing to make that ultimate commitment.

honestly, it's just not financially feasible for him to live somewhere else. plus, i'm the main reason he's coming down here in the first place. if we weren't together, i doubt he would have even considered moving to the south. i feel like it would be unfair of me to say, 'hey move down here for me, but you can't live with me!' plus, it's temporary, just for the summer and then it will be another 9 months of agony doing the LDR. if it were a different situation, if my life were more plastic, i'd consider moving up north to be with him, but if i did, i would want my own place. we've been victims of circumstance for our whole relationship. j and i have never lived in the same place, we've always been long distance, though it terms of living together, it might actually be an advantage. either that or i'm really good at rationalizing. here's how i figure it: all the time we have spent together has been very intense, weeks on end together 24/7. we developed this instantaneous intimacy. i'm hoping that will carry over into this summer. i think traveling together can give you an idea of what it's like to live with some one. you're in a cramped space together, you have to deal with the fact that both of you are going to have to take a shit eventually.....you know what i mean?

it's such a relief when your bf broaches an important subject, edie. i always feel like a crazy lady, doing the whole, 'can we talk about this now?' dance. it's really refreshing and affirming to know that your man is thinking about and concerned about the same things you are. *high fives* right back at ya! i bet we will both be out of commission here on bust around the same time for the same reasons. GOD i am so ready to have sex again!!
newo_ikkin
You might as well spend ridiculous amounts of time together while you can. My guy was home for about 6 months straight starting last summer and I thought we'd be sick of each other by Christmas time since we saw each other every day, but it was just the opposite. I think we both realized that it wasn't the thrill of the distance that was keeping us together, and what a relief that was! [By "thrill" I mean how intense the time we spent together always was, because we knew it'd be short.]

I couldn't agree more on how awesome it is when you find out you're on the same page with some of those subjects. Just last night (I finally got an hour long, no distractions phone call!!) we were talking about how neither of us like not being there just for the fact that it's impossible to know what's going on 100%. Even if we're telling each other all the highlights of everything that happened that day, we still feel like we're missing out because we're not physically together. It's not a trust issue, more of a jealousy one. He can't be around to tell other guys to fuck off when they're trying to talk to me. I don't hear entire conversations or pick up on any flirting that may or may not have taken place. Our imaginations take over. We're obviously both insecure in that area, but until last night's conversation I figured that it had never been a big deal to him. It's been driving him nuts the whole time! So we agreed that neither of us are crazy, just afraid of someone else taking away what we love.
geekchickknits
Oh you lucky ones getting to see your mans for extended periods of time! I'm so happy for both of you and just a leetle bit jealous.

It's mostly because I really don't know when the next time is that I'm going to see my guy. Because we didn't have that long together before he left, there is this sort of ongoing fear that the last time I talked to him will be the last time I talk to him. Because of the time difference, it's hard to arrange a time to talk, and I'll be frank - it can be expensive, his internet connection isn't great, and neither one of us have a landline, so cell phone to cell phone internationally isn't the greatest reception.

We did have a good enough connection the last time to get a little dirty though - which was wicked fun.

But hooray for people getting to see their loved ones! I hope it all works out biggrin.gif
edie52
Newo_ikkin, I have the same jealousy issue. I've posted about it before here, and in other threads. He doesn't seem to have the same issue, which bugs me a bit (and reminds me of when someone said, in the committed thread maybe, that it's almost polite to be a bit jealous).

Anyway, for me, not being part of his daily life causes problems other than jealousy. It's more the general not being together, not sharing things in the usual ways, and not knowing what's really going on with him besides what he tells me. We chat a lot, but there are certain anecdotes I just don't tell him because it would take way too long to write it out and it wouldn't come out right, anyway. We tell each other what we eat often, but it isn't the same as sharing that food. Little things like that.
newo_ikkin
He came home for 24 hours. Nice little visit, even though I had a 6am shift today... I gave up a little sleep but it was well worth it. We went out and got to see pretty much all of our mutual home-town friends. He's home FOR GOOD next weekend. Feeling very high-school-crush giddy! (which is good after 2 1/2 years he can still do that to me lol)
vixen_within
Everyone here seems to be at different points of their longdistancelove. I've been corresponding with someone I met online for about..7 years now? visits and long trips and bonking and meeting the parents in between.

What I'll never get over is the fact that every meet-up is like Mardi Gras and Xmas rolled into one. I sometimes wonder if actually living together one day soon is what could break us. Anyway, just checking in.
geekchickknits
It's been difficult to get a hold of my man. The time difference, the fact that phone calls are so expensive coupled with the fact that his computer is broken and his internet connection is sketchy at best.......*whine*

I need to SEE him and TALK to him. A loving text every once in a while is nice, but I need more. For the first time in my life, I've been getting a LOT of attention from men, including a guy with one of the hottest bodies I've ever seen say to me after watching me dance at a party "You are really sexy!" Now, I am not monogamous to my ldr and he knows that - after only having 2 dates it made no sense - but I am feeling that if I don't start getting longer contact from him, I will lose interest, and I really don't want to. My feelings for my ldr were so intense when we were together.

I'm thinking I need to put my desire for longer contact into an email, but I'd like to get some advise first. Any thoughts?
crinoline
Hey LDR ladies!

Recently my boy and I are in LDR land again, he's up at school for summer classes while I'm stuck at home. It really sucks. My problem is that he hates talking on the phone, and any phone conversation with him is like pulling teeth.

He refuses to flirt over the phone, and he says that phone sex is too "awkward and embarrassing" . I don't know what to do. I'm starved for attention. I don't even get emails or letters or anything. We only speak when I call him every few days. I feel forgotten and terribly unsexy. Other men do notice me, and I get hit on (too much, actually), but that only makes me sad that he doesn't notice me anymore.

We went from spending 20 hours a day together to this, and it's been hard for me to adjust. The funny thing is that we were in an LDR for six months in the beginning of our relationship, but we talked and flirted heavily every day (and even dabbled in awkward phone sex).

Any LDR advice would be welcome, I hope everyone else is coping better than I am.
(((LDR Busties)))
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