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opheliathemuse
plaidmoosetoes, from my experience, you only have to believe the person. Are they naturally a dominant person? A submissive? If you have a sub domming, it will seem off, of course. If you are naturally a dom, then it will feel strange to sub. For example, I only really like a few generalized roles, and not talking during coitus. It makes it more believable for me. It takes practice. If he can carry off verbal play, then fine.
It's all what feels right to you. Don't be afraid of your own fantasies, is what I suppose I'm saying. That way you can access what makes you feel good more quickly and build on it. Maybe you're expecting too much of yourself. Start smaller? Just with a spanking, or a bite?
venusindisguise
I think I'm going to have to visit this thread more often... I've been trying to get the boy used to the idea that I am not a delicate flower that must be handled with care. Things are going pretty slowly...BUT! Lastnight the night ended with beautiful red hand slap/spanking marks on my arse! Fab-u!
He is a bit of a shy-guy and our 'ship has been a sailing slowly, but we're getting there. I'm more dominant in day-to-day life, so I think the bedroom switch is a bit tough.
Next step? Bringing my mini-whip into the bedroom, and maybe putting to use those handcuffs he has.
Talk to yall later!
auralpoison
*bump*
jack67
quote:plaidmoosetoes

thanks runnergirl... in the past with other dudes, any experimentation with domination or whatever always pretty much ended in hysterical giggling... like, to dominate or submit you have to be in kind of a role, you know? and it's hard to stay in that without laughing. any tips on that, anyone?
_________________________________________________

Do you have to assume a role? Role playing can be fun but why not just smack an ass? Just be yourself only a little more or less agressive?
venetia
I agree with Jack. In my relationship we do stuff like this because it's us, not because we're in roles. If being in a role is fun for you then by all means go for it - but there's no law that says you can't just smack each other around a little for the fun of it, and even giggle your ass off while you do.

Personally I like that moment in sex where you're doing something crazy and then you both suddenly stop laughing.
pepper
OMG!!!! an old playmate just emailed me with some explicate instructions that i am to follow. what i may and may not do and how to document it to prove to him that i've followed orders. oh. i don't get to see him until the fall either. the suspence will just be the End of me. that and the list of restrictions. OMG, i love a dirty, evil, nasty, controlling, mean, dominating monster of a man. gah.
seraphine
Pepper, that just sounds downright titillating... Do tell us more. ;)
jack67
I like the cartoon images on this site:

http://www.femdomart.net/
pepper
oh eww! gah, i looked! icky.
jack67
Try the new link
tesao
i can't believe that of all of my favourite threads, one was gone completely, and the other two haven't been posted to in forever!!!

i think i might just have to put in a bdsm story here......

i'll have to go and look for one. it may be a repeat, but hey. so is the actual sex act sometimes. biggrin.gif
jack67
IPB Image

I love the art on this site...
pepper
um...wtf?
tesao
okay. now for something COMPLETELY DIFFERENT:

Hot As Blazes
by N.T. Morley

Megan is bound to the St. Andrew's cross, nude, writhing. Loud moans escape her slightly parted lips. Her pale flesh is crisscrossed with angry red marks. Patrick stands behind her, his body pressed against Megan's.

Megan feels the hardness of his body against her back, feels his hand on her throbbing ass, feels the bulge of his cock through his tight leather pants. Feels the heat of his breath on her neck.

Patrick reaches down and gently squeezes her right ass-cheek, making her entire body spasm in pain. He squeezes again and Megan issues a long, moaning sob, shuddering as he moves his hand to her left ass-cheek and squeezes that, as well. The welts on that side are not as sensitive: Patrick is right-handed. So he squeezes harder, and Megan's yelp is at least as loud as when he touched her right cheek.

Patrick coils his left arm around Megan's slender body and pulls her torso back, away from the X-shaped cross and against him. Her wrists pull against the heavily padded restraints. Patrick slips his left hand, which holds the leather flogger, up to her slight breasts. They are still sensitive and pink from their earlier flogging, and Megan gasps and twists in his grasp as he runs his fingertips along the welts and then dangles the thick leather strands of the flogger over her breasts. Her breasts are slick with sweat as he strokes them. It is warm in the dungeon, the better for the comfort of a naked victim. But to Patrick, who's dressed all leather, it feels hot as blazes.

A shiver goes through Megan's body. The padded straps which keep Megan upright are still secure, but Patrick checks to make sure they're not chafing. They aren't.

Patrick takes the whip away and hangs it from his belt. He puts his right arm around her, too, and pulls his body against hers in a violent embrace, pressing the long bulge of his cock into the crack of her ass. She groans as his leather pants rub against her whip welts. Patrick's hands close around Megan's small breasts and he squeezes, gently at first and then harder, bringing another moan from her full lips. He pinches her nipples and she spasms, her head flung backwards suddenly. He presses his lips to hers, parting her full lips with his tongue, and kisses her forcefully, taking her as a whimper issues from her mouth.

"More than you can take?" he whispers when his lips pull away from Megan's, after his teeth have nipped at her lower lip.

"No," she says. She's not defiant, he knows -- just a pain slut. He wishes he could see her eyes behind that blindfold, see the smile in them that he knows is there, the pleasure at her own suffering.

Patrick steps back, giving Megan's ass one last squeeze. He steps back and lifts the whip.

He watches Megan's body twitch in anticipation of the first blow. The strands swish by, close to her ass but just out of reach. She lets out a deep breath. He strikes as her lungs empty.

Patrick gives it to her with all the skill and viscera in his body. He whips her left cheek until her gasps and moans of mingled agony and ecstasy have turned to full-fledged screams, until he knows he's driven her to the limit. He then switches to her right, whipping with hard, thumping strokes so that her whole naked body spasms with each blow.

Then he drops the whip, pushes his body up against hers and puts his arm around her waist again so he can pull her ass back, making her moan as the leather slides against her. With her legs spread wide like that, she's forced to hang helpless in midair, her pussy exposed. The lips are flushed deep pink and swollen. Patrick teases her lips apart and slips two fingers inside her. Megan's juice dribbles down over Patrick's hand. He slides three fingers as deep as they'll go into her. His other arm goes around her so he can rub her clit. Megan usually can't come while she's standing like this -- but he senses tonight will be an exception.

He works Megan's clitoris until she totters on the brink of orgasm, her head thrown back. She starts, as if surprised, when Patrick presses her mouth to his.

Megan's tongue darts out from between her lips and then her groan is muffled by Patrick's mouth. She comes, hard, pumping her body against his. Patrick holds her for long minutes after she's done, the two of them sweating together as Megan's breathing returns to normal.

"More than you can take?" Patrick asks her.

"Exactly what I can take," she tells him. "Take me to bed."

And she kisses him, passionately, her mouth hot as blazes.


themasochistmuse
Cute outfit on the drawing of the dom chic, but the actual drawing I dont like... the way it's drawn, just... bleh, personally. I do like bdsm art, but I like the type that look artsy and not just plain out dirty/a joke... personally, that's how I view that drawing. I have no clue why, and I dont mean to offend- do you know of any other sites with different bdsm drawings/art?

I myself, do somewhat "erotic" art... here's one from a while back:

IPB Image

(I apologize if it's not fully work safe- but if you're at work, you shouldnt be in the "Fun with Floggers" section anyway, haha)
tesao
MM: nothing shows up. just a note that says IPB Image.
themasochistmuse
Drat- my fault, I should've just used my photobucket account instead. :s

Hopefully this shows:

IPB Image

(crosses fingers) hopefully it works now. tongue.gif I always name all my drawings like they're my babies, haha... this one's called "Dominant in Nature."
tesao
It was his mother's bed. Let's start with that. Sure, we've made love in many bizarre places before, from the board room at his office to the leather table at the salon where I get biweekly massages. But this was his mother's bed, and it was in her bedroom, and she wasn't that far away. For my comfort, she would have had to be in Guam, or at the very least out at her country club. In reality, she was downstairs on her patio drinking mimosas with her friends, the tinkling sound of her laughter coming through the open window.

Daniel said, "Just close your eyes, and block out everything else."

How could I? Not only was his mother within hearing range, but her 200 guests, invited to a sumptuous garden party, were drunkenly milling around the mansion, exploring. And now her youngest son wanted to take me in the middle of the afternoon, in her bedroom, on her expensive white satin sheets.

"Someone will hear us," I hissed.

"Not unless you scream," Daniel assured me. He's never one for false words of comfort. "Now, close your eyes, baby, and keep them closed." This time, because of his tone of voice, I obeyed. "Hands over your head," he told me next. I did that, too, and felt the familiar bite of cold metal on my skin as he slid a set of handcuffs around my wrists. Like an American Express card, Daniel rarely leaves home without them. He kissed me, and with my lips still parted, he slipped his tie into my mouth and tied it behind my head. "That should help ease your worries."

I was done for, and I knew it. Gagging me meant that he thought I wouldn't be able to remain quiet on my own.

"Aren't you the slightest bit turned on, Rebecca?" he asked, sounding coy since I obviously couldn't respond. "Aren't you a little bit excited?" The weight on the bed shifted as he stood up. I guessed that he was undressing, and I tensed, listening -- first for his mother, and then as I heard him unbuckle his belt and the hiss-soft sound of the leather as he pulled it through the loops. What had I gotten myself into?

"Not answering, Becca?" he asked, teasing. "Then I'll have to find out for myself." He lifted my floral silk party dress, slid my lacy panties aside, and felt the wetness between my legs.

He sighed. "I know my baby, don't I? Now roll over."

This was easier said than done, but I maneuvered myself on the pillows and thickly feathered duvet until I was face down, my wrists slightly twisted in the handcuff chains.

"You might want to put your face in the pillow, sweetheart, 'cause this is going to hurt."

I made some sort of desperate, mewing sound against the gag, and he responded as if he understood, as if he could decode the worried sound of my words, blurred even as they were against the silken gag.

"It has to hurt, Becca. You know that, baby. It always has to hurt."

Lowering my head, I reminded myself that I could have avoided the whole mess. Daniel always gives me choices. He'd told me not to wear panties, I'd ignored him, and this was the punishment to fit the crime. If I'd followed his instructions in the first place, he would undoubtedly have chosen a less frightening place to make love -- somewhere out in the gargantuan backyard, hidden by a miniature palm tree or lost among the honeysuckle vines. Now, not only were we in his mother's boudoir; he was going to exact his punishment on me with his belt.

"Ten," he said, and I swallowed hard. "Ten here. We'll take care of the rest later."

I wasn't worried about that. In the privacy of our apartment, I can withstand almost anything. Daniel knows this, and because of this fact he rarely lets me get away with being disciplined at home. I didn't have much time to contemplate the future, however, because he was off, striking the first blow with the belt on my naked ass and then lining up the second and third before the first sparks of pain had even properly registered.

As I drew in a gasp, he climbed onto the bed and plunged inside me. His cock sought out the wetness he'd already found with his probing fingers, and it told him everything he needed to know. That despite my protests and attempts to talk him out of the humiliating games he plays with me, I live for them as much as he does.

He struck the fourth and fifth blows while he was fucking me, pulling back to catch the lowest, roundest part of my ass, and then driving his cock between my thighs, so that the pain was lost against the pleasure of the ride.

"Told you how to dress today, baby. Should have listened to me."

But then, of course, I wouldn't be getting this. The feel of his throbbing cock inside me, perfectly balanced with the pain from the belt.

"When I'm done," he said, coming close to me now that he was whispering, his breath hot against my skin. "When I'm done thrashing you, I'm going to fuck your ass."

My lips started forming begging sounds and I pulled on the chains on my wrists, as if that could possibly help me. The metal made music against the brass railing of the headboard.

"Quiet, baby," he said, "you're the one making all the noise, and I thought you didn't want to be caught."

I tried to obey, hoping that if I were really good for the remainder of the session he might ease up, forget the rest until later. How could he fuck my ass now? When I had to go down and have dinner with his mother and a few hundred of her closest friends. When he knew it would make me cry.

He blocked my worries by continuing with the discipline, pulling my long hair so that I arched my back, and then slapping my ass in an almost friendly way with the belt. Heating me up with it. I felt the wetness in my cunt spread out to my thighs, and he took advantage of the slippery juices, diving back in me, driving back in me, and then placing the head of his cock on my asshole.

I tensed, and he sensed it, not entering me, but moving away, standing by the bed to finish the job. The belt licked at my skin, and I could picture the blows in my head, the neatness of them, overlapping lines that would be purplish later if I looked at them in the mirror.

He gave me more than ten. He always does. Naming the reasons. How I didn't hold still, didn't behave correctly, didn't accept my punishment like a well-chastised girl should. I never get it right. It's why he loves me.

And then, because he'd told me he would, because he never lies, he climbed back onto the bed and took me, sliding his cock between the cheeks of my ass and then pushing forward, making me grit my teeth, making me grip into the cold metal of the headboard, wrap my fingers around the curlicues of brass, trying to gain some sense of stability when everything in my world was swirling around in weightlessness.

Daniel found a rhythm that went dark and velvety in my head, taking me to faraway places with his cock, with the heat that was still in my skin, with the shame that colored my face and made me shut my eyes together even more tightly.

He whispered things to me while he fucked me, told me how pretty I looked captured to the bed. Captured so simply and purely to his mother's bed. The whole fantasy was mixed up, messed up, twisted and dirty, and it made me come, as he must have known it would. Made me come in a series of rapid bucking movements that almost drove him out of me. He held on, though; he's a fighter. He kept on going until it was his turn, until he gripped my arms, bit my shoulder hard through the silky fabric of my dress, and hissed, "Dirty girl. Such a dirty girl. Coming in my mother's bed."

Daniel cradled me afterward, brushed my hair out of my eyes, slid the cuffs off and rubbed the skin on my wrists. He kissed my blushing cheeks and my forehead and the tip of my nose and then whispered to me of how long he'd planned it, how much thought had gone into this tryst. How I couldn't have avoided it if I'd wanted to.

I never can. It's why I love him.




Alison Tyler
battygurl
Gah, tes that was amazing!
opheliathemuse
Yes, it was nice.
I love how it says this topic was started by me. Bwahaha.
girl_anachronism
I'm new to the lounge, and I'm not sure what to do with a situation I'm in right now. I've started a flirtation (over email, mostly) with this guy, he's the dom, I'm the sub, but this is my first foray into this area, and I'm at a loss for things to say. I guess my problem is that I'm totally lacking in knowledge of what might be titillating. Where can I go to find some good fantasy material so I'm not quite as clueless? Websites, books, thoughts? I'm excited, but really nervous about not sounding like an idiot.
tesao
girl anacronism, i don't know if this will help you or not (i confess that i'm not quite sure what you are asking) but leather daddy and the femme is one HELL of a great sex read. check it out and read bits of it and see what you think.
AnnieO
Hi gals. I'm here with a similar question to girl anachronism's, so please, pile on the answers for both of us!

I have a new love who is definitely interested in having me dominate him from time to time. We have a beautiful switching thing going on, which I love. We take each other to some amazing places. HOWEVER -- I feel like a total amateur when it comes to dominating him. I don't know how to act, what to say, what to ask him to do -- and on top of all that, I feel kind of stupid doing it 'cause I'm afraid I'm not pulling it off adequately.

So - can anybody help? I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for either. I mean, at this early stage, I almost wouldn't mind working with a SCRIPT or something that delineates the steps I might take to give him one session of complete domination from me! I know that might sound dumb, but honestly, I just don't know enough about what might push his buttons. Even when I ask him, his answers are kinda vague - like even he doesn't know enough to be specific. I need concrete ideas!

I know everybody's different, but still it would be nice to see or find a list of "Try this!" kinds of things. Anybody got web links or other sources of free info? Wish I could order books or DVDs on this, but money's tight. What works for you?

Thanks in advance! We're in heaven right now with our ability to run with one another's fantasies. I don't want to disappoint him!
AnnieO
OK - I'm back! After searching around a bit, I found some good resources. Check out this blog:

http://www.sexoteric.com/index.html.

Scroll down to "Directory." you can choose "Sexuality" and get a bunch of lists of sites and blogs about all sorts of things. Here's a bunch of sites on "femdom" activities:

http://www.sexoteric.com/dir/Adult/Society...es/BDSM/Femdom/

I've been reading through stories at Bella's List this morning and getting some ideas from them.

http://www.bellaslist.com/stories/stories.shtml

Sometimes I can only grin at the lengths I'll go to show my guy a good time...

prettynpink
Thanks Tes. I needed that read today.
tesao
PINK! that's MA'AM to you!! or better yet, SIR!! ohmy.gif

seriously, darling, i'm muito glad that you enjoyed. it is so nice to see you back here in the lounge. (yes, yes, i know that i have been awol, as well. nevertheless.)
prettynpink
I must say that I was not the only one to enjoy it. Irishboy enjoyed it as well, and that lead to three new porn dvds and a little adventure planned for me!

I came home, he poured a glass or two of wine, and led me to the bedroom by my hair.
What happened next has turned me into a placid, peaceful, and glowing woman today. Every time I sit down, the welts on my ass sting, or ache, and it just brings a contented sigh.
I cried so hard last night because for the first time ever, I was truly able to let go. I orgasmed with a plug in my ass and him pounding my cunt, and it was amazing. I didnt know that I could. When he came in my ass, and kissed my shoulders I started sobbing out of complete gratitude and joy and relief.
He untied me and gathered me in his arms and I showered him with kisses and thank yous. He was mainly concerned that the tears were because he hurt me in some way. I had to explain to him that he didn't hurt me. He healed a part of me.

So, Tes, thank you for that story, because it let to an amazingly powerful night for me and Irishboy.
sukouyant
oh prettynpink that description made my heart flutter.
tesao
PnP, most happy to oblige!

your description of what happened because of that story was muito sexy. sooooooooooo glad that you are where you are now, with who you are with now.

you ROCK, woman! redheaded irishmen who get into bdsm are SO difficult to find! you are a lucky grrrl!
girl_anachronism
Thanks for the tips! The sites were great, and I don't feel so clueless. BUSTies are the best!
tesao
BDSM BUMP

for Love my Pugs!!

sweetie, LOTS of us have BDSM yearnings!!! that we may act upon, to varying degrees. none of which makes us bad feminists!

read through some of these posts, and start chatting in here. people WILL respond!!!
girltrouble
yay for bdsm!

grrrrrr! so sick of flakey subs. i've been hounded by this sub who keeps telling me he wants to serve me but when i give him a time he waits till the last minute to cancel.... i am supposed to meet with him today, and... i still haven't heard back from him...grrrr! don't waste my time, dick lick....
LoveMyPugs
Mr. Pug is making me wait. God I could pop right here right now! HE'S MAKING ME WAIT! I wanted to ride him in his sleep last night. He turned the heat way up so the bedroom was hot and he slept so sexy naked and uncovered all night right next to me. He wouldn't cuddle or anything. I was so hot and I wanted to just slap him and say would you fuck me for God's sake. I just wanted his hands all over me. This morning I woke up and he was already dressed and leaving for work. I helped him take out the trash before he left. I gave him a little lip just trying to get him going and he pushed me down on the stairs and told me to shut my mouth or he'd make me wait longer. I have a nice little bruise to prove it. When I told him no he slapped me in the mouth and stuck two fingers in me while I was bent over on the stairs. I can't stand it. I'm supposed to clean the house cause we are having his boss over and all I can do is get on bust and read the stories here in the BDSM thread. If I don't have the house clean by the time he get's home I"m really going to get it. I think he bought my collar cause there is a receipt next to his wallet for that website. Check it out Hopefully coming in the mail soon!. Gotta go clean so he won't make me wait even longer. Probably going to be after 10 p.m. tonight before I get even close to seeing him naked and sweating on top of me.

Cleaning ugh
dry.gif sad.gif mad.gif

Getting my head cramed into the pillow while getting fucked from behind
smile.gif biggrin.gif rolleyes.gif
tesao
pugs, so happy to be of service!

girltrouble: his ass would be mine the next time he showed up! i'd slap his cock into a restrainer with a lock and send him back home and be told to WAIT twice the amount of time he had made me wait for HIM. and when he showed back up, i would make him service me, until i had gotten off at my leisure and THEN he would get his ass flogged, be told he was not allowed to climax until i told him he could.....and then i would send him home wrapped back up in the restrainer until the next time.

idiots. either they want to serve you or they don't deserve to!

love my pugs -- let that speak to you a bit -- clean the house! (but be sure to leave at least one thing undone or unproperly done -- just to be sure you get what you want. if he is worth his title he will find something wrong, regardless.

damn. where is that speedy when you need him around for inspiration?
girltrouble
well, if he was already serving i might do that.
believe me. my favorite is cbt. i love creating pain.*
but the thing is, this would be our first meeting, which is about negotiation. so it will be a bit before he serves. but i tend to be the type of domme who uses pain as a reward. you disappoint me too often and i release you. no fuss, no muss. i don't yell, scream or demand. i prefer to speak or whisper sweetly. wink.gif my version of punishment is denial, and neglect. you get a time out. you get none of my attention.

he's one of two i am considering. the second looks more promising. he might be something of a feeder. i really want to find a good feeder domina-- that would be heaven. my last gf and i had a daddy/daughter relationshp, and she would feed me....O! i get shivers just thinking about it. i am so seldom a sub, i miss that headspace.

and lord knows i love being tied up. she would tie me up when we went to bed. *yummy*
oooooh! or saran wrap....i LURVE saran wrap!

*i'll send you a link to my b.com profile...there are some pix where i improvised a "humbler" with chopsticks.... super fun! sadly, that sub is one of the most hardcore players in the local scene...he's got "leather hide" which is when you've been beaten so much over the years that your skin and muscle becomes super dense. he's awesome to play with, tho, and such a sweetheart. he looks like santa claus.... god i just realized-- with my new job i can start going to the local bdsm club! hurray!
LoveMyPugs
Mr. Pug punished me so good last night for doing such a good job cleaning the house. He made me get on all fours on the bed and he put his cock in me, just a little, and then he brushed his fingers over this one spot on my back that tickles like crazy. If I moved he gave me a swift & hard smack on the ass and pounded me with his cock. The smack stung like hell but it was great. I was laughing, whimpering and trying as hard as I could to just stay still. I think he was laughing over top of me but he was hiding it very well. He flipped me over and rubbed my clit with his thumb and demanded that I not move, obviously impossible. Once I moved and giggled so bad that he gave me a pretty good smack across the mouth and kind of surprised me and had he not pulled his dick out in that moment I probably would have come all over him in that second. Then he hung my head and arms off the end of the bed while he ate me out. Right when I yelled that I was about to cum he stopped and pulled me up to him real fast and then let me fall again. The blood rush from hanging off the bed then to sitting straight up to falling back again made me so dizzy and that combined with cuming was exquisite. It was a sensation I’d never felt before. He also pinched my labia between his thumb and finger a couple times and it felt so warm when he let go it was also a new sensation. Oh, the entire time he’s telling me not to move and calling me his dirty slut and telling me what a bad girl I was complaining about having to clean the whole house. He was very creative and I think he might be doing his own bit of research online and just not telling me which is fine. Last night was the best sex of my life.

Today I was bent over the sink brushing my teeth and he gave me several quick whips with his belt that stung like hell and I spit toothpaste all over the mirror. We both just laughed. It was great.

I feel so young and sexy. I’m starting school again tomorrow and I was a little worried but with all the great fucking going on I’m in such a wonderful place right now I feel like I could take on the world.
girltrouble
smile.gifsmile.gifsmile.gif

omg, pugs, i am soo mad at you! i have to get ready to go to work now and guess what is going to be in my head all day....


god, that sounds super hot, *shakes her fist at the sky*

DAMN YOU, LOVE MY PUGS!

my first day at work and i am gonna be distracted.
hmph!
LoveMyPugs
girltrouble-

It was my first day of school yesterday and all I could do in all my classes was wiggle with anticipation of getting home to my man. After school I went to my parents who pissed me off and upset me terribly so I obviously wasn’t in the mood when I got home. Thank god my dom understood and didn’t demand anything of me last night. However, this morning he was thumbing my clit slowly and then left for work leaving me alone and unsatisfied. I’m in my Mechanical Engineering class now and writing this post is making it worse. Dom is getting home late tonight and will probably be too tired to do anything tonight. So I’m probably not getting any till Wednesday night after 9 p.m. which sucks. Maybe my dom will surprise me tonight with a surge of hot sexual energy. Although, I think he likes making me wait, and wait, and wait. I’ll keep you posted. Sorry for distracting you yesterday. Although, I’m sure you aren’t complaining. wink.gif
girltrouble
no, not complaining... just jealous. i miss having a dom. and goddamn if i ain't climbing the walls for a feeder. occasionally i hang out with my ex and she ties me up or feeds me a bite or two at dinner and i can't help but wagging my tail like a puppy. sigh. ok, super jealous.....i thought this guy i met a bit ago might be into some fun, but i don't think so and there is no one on the horizon for a very long time...ooooo you are a lucky duck....i haven't even a sub to take my frustrations out on either....sad.gif
LoveMyPugs
girltrouble –

I met this girl the other day in school. We are taking Physics together and when the class was over I asked her if she wanted to be partners for the labs. She said sure and we sat in the cafeteria and started chit chatting. I’m not sure why but she opened up to me immediately and told me that she is a recent (2 months) recovering cocaine addict. Having a cousin who is a recovering heroin addict I sympathized with her and told her congratulations on her recent sobriety. smile.gif We continued to talk and again, I don’t know why, but we started talking about our men and jumped right into sex lives and then more deeply into our sex lives. blink.gif She revealed to me that she is a Dom and has been with women and men. I revealed to her that I am a sub and that my Dom and I are really just starting to break the surface of this whole BDSM world. Now, I have never really had any desire to bring someone else into me and Mr. Pug’s bedroom but I felt instantly attracted to this chick. It was kind of scary. I want her to dominate me. She was telling me she owns floggers and restraints and I was getting wet just sitting listening to her. She wasn’t coming on to me but I was really feeling some serious sexual energy towards her. Now, I’ve had sexual fantasies about women but have always just preferred a cock. Toys are OK but I just prefer the real thing. However, after talking to this girl I was having serious fantasies about her and me getting it on while Mr. Pug watches and/or joins in. These feelings are very new to me. Do you think these feelings are coming from the fact that I've just been having a lot of sex recently and really enjoying it and getting my feet wet in the BDSM world? Do you think this is something I should act on? You are the first person I’ve confessed this to. I haven’t even told Mr. Pug. I think I should just wait and see what she’s like after I get to know her better and maybe just communicate these feelings to Mr. Pug (I like to be completely open with him on my sexual desires cause he uses them in our play). Do you think it would be wrong to tell him? I really don’t think he’d be angry, hurt or jealous. Mr. Pug and I have a VERY strong relationship and I truly believe we might someday be able to bring someone else in to our bedroom with no problems. Do you agree that the safe and smart thing to do would be to get to know her better first? Would getting close to her be a problem later on if I do act on these feelings? I have so many questions and concerns. unsure.gif Please let me know your opinion.

Confused, sad.gif

Pugs
girltrouble
the reasons, i think are both the ones you put forward. lots of good sex and exploring bdsm.

as for what you should do---

do get to know your new friend. she could be a great source of bdsm technique/resources. that said, bdsm contains a lot of knowledge, and a lot of styles. what works for her may not work for you.
bdsm is best when you are honest with your desires. tell him the story about meeting this girl, and tell him how it made you feel. but tell him that you wanted to talk to him about these feelings since you've not felt this before. but have no expectations. ask him what he makes of it. be willing to give up the idea of doing anything with the classmate.

infact, don't wed yourself to play with her at all. think about the fantasies you've had recently, talk to mr. about them, and think about where you want to go, and what you guys want to do, but DON'T make her the focus. this should be about you and pugs, absent of this new temptress.

i don't know if you guys have set up avenues of negotiation, just a time where you sit down and say what you like and don't. feedback is important for both parties--especially after play. this could be aftercare, or something when neither of you is in a dom/sub role--or not-- just a time when you can talk directly. it's good to have a regular interval where you just check in and talk.

bringing someone in to a relationship can be very dangerous, no matter how strong the relationship. it is important that you:
1)take it slow
2)listen, respect and honor the wishes of your partner
3)they need to do the same
4)be honest with yourself and your partner
5)they need to do the same.
6)communicate.
7)negotiate.
that said it is still never fool proof. so talk. be specific. be honest.
my rules for bringing someone in is that the partner makes the rules. even if it's non-sexual bdsm play. if something makes them uncomfortable, they get to trump your lust. so:
if me and my gf do bdsm and i love sucking dick, and she has a foot fetish, i may feel threatened by her worshiping some other girl's feet. so it is my call if we are "foot fetish monongomous." that said, i may not care if she sleeps with guys, but no trannys or gennys (genetic girls) or i may be fine with that. she may say, that i can look, touch but not have a dick in my mouth unless she is there. she may say that i can only have strap ons, or whatever she deems. i have had rules where my gf could sleep w/guys, but could not spend the night. or had to give me 24 hour notice, or i had to meet the guy first. and rules should be able to be changed at anytime if your partner feels wrong about it. the point is to make your partner as comfortable with this as possible, and show them you will follow the rules they set and they don't have any reason to worry, you can be trusted. but starting out, i would not recommend sex, i would go for non-sexual play, until you are both used to talking honestly.

for a good detailed list of most kinds of play, again i recommend bondage.com's profile questionares. they can be set to private so no one can see them but you and your partner, and i would bet there are some things you've never thought or heard of. sure to get the creative juices flowing.

IF you are trying to keep a bad relationship together by opening it up: this is a bad idea.
IF you are worried about him cheating or vice versa: this is a bad idea.
IF you already have cheating issues(someone's cheated): this is a bad idea.

open relationships are not for everyone. but if you are looking for non-sexual bdsm, the above rules should suit you. but take it slow. for the first year, don't do anything you would feel uncomfortable knowing your partner would do. do some reading.


do get to know your new friend. she could be a great source of bdsm technique/resources. that said, bdsm contains a lot of knowledge, and a lot of styles. what works for her may not work for you. as with any bdsm activity, research, research, research!

one book i would recommend is the ethical slut.
linky:
wiki:ethical slut
amazon: ethical slut
girltrouble
i hope my long-winded reply makes sense, but know i am not advocating asymetrical non-monogamy relationships where the boyfriend is free to cheat, and the girlfriend can't even look at someone. this is a partnership, and both parties need to be honest brokers.
LoveMyPugs
Girltrouble-

Thank you for your replies. I've read them and reread them and just letting it all sink in. I agree with and understand everything you said. Mr. Pug and I both got home late last night and we didn't have much time to talk before we both went to bed. I think I'm going to sit down with him at dinner tonight and do exactly like you said. Just tell him how I felt talking to this chick at school and see his reaction. I'm seeing her again today so I'll have another day to use toward my description when I talk to Mr. Pug tonight. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks so much,

smile.gif
greenbean
Ooooooo, I thought this thread disapeared! I miss having a dominant man so badly. Lately it seems that only submissive males are attracted to me. Its made for some awkward encounters, like boys who grovel, when I'M the one who wants to do the groveling.

I asked a guy friend why this may be and he said that since I seem like such a sweet girl, that 'sensitive' boys gravitate towards me. Anyone have any suggestions for attracting a naturally dominant man--not a leather daddy, not my thing--but an everyday alpha male? I think I just lucked out before, now i need to be more in control in who I attract. Someone suggested i wear a dog collar when I go out, but I don't have the guts to do that!
greenbean
Hey Lovemypugs, I just read over your posts here and the one in the General thread...have you ever read the "Taken in Hand" site? Its for people who are in (or want) a male dom/female sub relationship that is more than just role playing, but is everyday life. Some folks on it express discontent with the feminist movement, but most feel like feminism and this type of relationship can be harmonious.
Here are some good articles to start with: http://www.takeninhand.com/node/19
and http://www.takeninhand.com/node/693
girltrouble
hi bean!

interesting looking site. i just skimmed it. hopefully it isn't of the view that dom and male are mutually exclusive. cos i adore femdom. i also bristle at the whole "true" dom bullshit. or dumbasses who think there is no such thing as a switch. but i do look forward to reading the posts...

i dunno....attracting a dom ain't easy, my ex (a dominatrix) contacted me from an online site.

i suppose you could go the on-line route too. but if you do, be sure to follow the usual protocol rules: meet them some place public, not your house, ask for references, etc, but i suspect that you are looking for more than just play. and want a relationship that is love first, bdsm second. you might want to check to see if there is a local bdsm club near you. people of various interests go there, so you might find someone who is barely in the scene, or someone who is deeply in it. lots of bdsm groups have socials so people can discuss bdsm, and to counter society's stereotypes, so that is an option as well. they often have classes, as do feminist sex toy stores. where you could meet someone, but if you are looking for someone who is just toppy, and hasn't really explored bdsm, then... my guess would be funny t-shirts? it's a long shot, but you could always flag... chances are you'll gain a lot of gay friends who get it, but maybe there's a(str8) guy who knows enough about bdsm to know what it's about...it is pretty obscure. i know a girl who has a belly button ring that is handcuffs, and that seems to serve her well somewhat subtle accesories? i have a super foxy collar by tommy hilfiger (of all people) from years ago. just looks like a black/red leather choker, and most people wouldn't think about it, but doms love it.....i'm not being flip, i wish i had a better answer, but most guys are unsure about gender roles (more than they let on) and i am sure you know there is a fine line between hot-sexy an' toppy and asshole-sexist-prick.

silly fun "highlights-esque" linky:
wiki:the hanky code
greenbean
Hey Girl Trouble!

As far as that site goes, it certainly doesnt suggest that male and dom are mutually exclusive, but its for men and women who prefer relationships where the man is the dom. I'm not in a relationship right now but a lot of the posts on that site give me relief for having the desires I do. I've had enough experience being the dom in bed to know its not for me.

I do have an online playmate that I exchange stories with, but hes in London, so not sure if we'll ever meet. *The Brits are so fun to play with, I love them sooo*

"i suspect that you are looking for more than just play. and want a relationship that is love first, bdsm second."--this is what folks on the takin in hand site say as well. I'm just impatient I guess! and you are totally right that there is a fine line between dom and asshole. very frustrating.
girltrouble
yeah, i love my ex, but there were these times when she would be an asshole and not realize it. but i am the first to admit, i am not the easiest to domme. my first domina was abusive, so i have a hair trigger. you lose my trust, my heart shuts off, and no amount of my wishing changes it. add to that a independant temprament....i know i need to be "taken in hand" in a very specific way, and i do try to show the dom how, but it's like walking a tight rope. s' too bad. my ex could do things to me no one else could, but it still didn't work...sniff. ah, well i am looking forward to public play 6 mos from now. it should be a ball... it'll be fun to build a reputation as a domme. i know a woman who is known for using brass knuckles, and i think, i want that to be me...lol

but yeah, the stuff that i've read from the site was very interesting.. i look forward to reading more....

now where is that lmpugs? harumph! i spent all day waiting to get home to read her post...sad.gif
LoveMyPugs
girltrouble-

Sorry baby! mad.gif Mr. Pugs has not been happy with me and so he has been withholding sex from me for two days while he spanks me here and there and makes me blow him (my favorite thing to do). All the while, not giving me an inch of anything. He demanded that I masturbate in front of him last night but wouldn’t touch me during. So for the last two days I’ve been working my ass off trying to please him and he always finds something wrong so that I don’t deserve sex yet. Today I was going to hump by bed post I swear. blink.gif I cleaned the entire kitchen before I went to school. I called him twice throughout the day to tell him I loved him and couldn’t concentrate to save my life cause all I could think about was fucking his brains out. When I got home I had dinner read and all the Christmas decorations put away, which he made clear he wanted done. I wore my black panties that make my ass look great wink.gif and this gray tank top that he likes while we took the Christmas tree down. That really sucked cause every five minutes he’d push me up against the wall and finger my clit while biting at my neck. He made me sit on the floor next to him while he looked at the Taken In Hand website. smile.gif We went to bed to “watch a movie”. dry.gif He made me lick his cock for like 15 minutes but I couldn’t suck it. Torture!! He asked if I wanted his cock in me and I said yes with as much calmness as I could. He said fine and told me to lube up and get on top. He wouldn’t let me move. I wanted him so bad I actually started to cry and begged him to please let me move. He just said no and kept making me bend down to kiss him in this uncomfortable position (I’m big so being on top isn’t that fun for me). When he finally thought I’d had enough he rolled me over and pushed my head into the pillow while he fucked me from behind. Then he rolled me back over and fucked me some more but wouldn’t let me touch my clit (which I need to do to orgasm). Once he’d had enough, he let me rub my clit then he pulled out and finger fucked my G spot until I popped and kept rubbing it while I had a freaking seizure (not literally). After that he flipped me on my side and fucked me in the ass. Which I must say before I go on, I don’t usually enjoy anal but we’ve done it twice this week and it’s been fabulous. smile.gif After pounding me in the ass he drove real deep into me and came. All the while telling me what a good girl I was for taking in the ass like he wanted. Afterward, he made me promise to be good tomorrow when all of our friends come down for a visit. He said if I wasn’t he was going to make me wait until next Wednesday to fuck me again. We got a shower and when we got back into bed he gave me a hell of a slap on the ass. ohmy.gif I might have a mark. The scary thing is, he has a pulled muscle in his spanking arm so he wasn’t even swinging with full force. Ok, hope that was good for you. I’m going to bed cause I’m exhausted.
girltrouble
chica, don't worry about me, i just wanted to know if it went ok. i get all neurotic when i give advice (which is why i'm so long winded and try to think of every contingency), and i really want to it to all go alright.

that said, good for me? oh, my yes! i love denial, i love doing it, i love being denied, and i love hearing about it...so, uh, yes, yes, yes it was good for me. i just hope my advice wasn't the reason he was mad at you.
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