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The BUST Lounge > Forums > Let's Talk About Sex
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dayglowpink
tes- I think you are talking about a prince's wand? It is a long metal thing that goes inside the urethra. Usually guys need to have a Prince Albert piercing already, though, to get the prince's wand to stay in. I know a few people who have used them, and they like it, but they were already used to pretty hardcore genital piercing and bodymods. I think most guys would kinda have to stretch the urethra out slowly if they had never done that kind of play before. It is supposedly a very intense feeling, for sure and too painful for some.
opheliathemuse
Guess what IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII got!??? My dom bought me/us: a whip, a riding crop, two! vibrators--one g-spot, one clitoral, tape, rope, silicon lube, a collar and a leash!!!!!!!! My love is so generous and wonderful.
My only worry is about how much he is liking doing this to me. Sometimes he's really into it and sometimes he isn't. I never want to make him feel like this is all I like and therefore limit him, you know? I like more than one flavour of ice cream.
LoveMyPugs
The other day Mr. Pugs and I were lying in bed and he obviously wanted sex. Due to the fact that I have been just so overwhelmed as of lately with school, family and home I told him I wasn’t in the mood.

I’m a fulltime student and I’m in the last week of what has been a hellish semester. My mother is also very ill right now and I’m just getting over a cold myself. Mr. Pugs and I have been splitting the housework up very well lately. However, since it’s getting warm out he has been working outside in the yard and I’ve been taking care of the inside housework. I haven’t really expressed to him any of my feelings of being overwhelmed. I know now that I probably should have sat down and shared with him my feelings about all of the pressures and stresses I’ve been facing. I know he would have sat and listened to me talk and tried to help me find a way to prioritize everything. He would have offered to help me with anything he could. Instead, I just kept it all inside trying to be a strong independent woman. I should have leaned on him.

As I said before he wanted sex and not wanting to I suddenly exploded on him. I didn’t yell or call him names. I just started crying and rambling off all the things that were going on at the moment and how I just couldn’t find the energy to devote another piece of my already frazzled brain to our sex life. I told him that I understood it had been almost two weeks since we had sex and I was missing it very much as well. I was missing our passionate Sunday mornings together where we just devoted three or four hours to one another. I’m not just talking about sex either. I’m talking about sex, cuddling, talking, showering, eating breakfast and sitting on the couch together to watch a movie. I told him that I missed those things just as much as he missed sex but that right now I just didn’t know how to put the overwhelming stress of school, family and home aside and focus on us.

I was sobbing at the end of my rant and he looked at me curious and said, “This may seem very off but do you need a spanking right now? Would that help center you?” My mouth feel open and I really couldn’t answer. Not because I was upset or angry but because deep, deep, deep down inside I knew he was right. I giggled through the tears but still didn’t really say anything. He said, “Roll over on your stomach on the bed.” I told him no. I don’t know why I said it but I did. He hadn’t spanked me in a long time and I guess I was a little afraid. I knew what was going on inside my head and heart and now he knew as well and knew what he had to do to help me. He said, “I’ve been neglecting you just as much as you’ve been neglecting me. I’ve made up my mind and I’m going to spank you so don’t make me role you over myself.” I found myself pleading with him not to. Again, I knew deep down inside that I needed a spanking but I just couldn’t submit to it. Even now I wonder why I felt this way; why I was fighting what I knew would help. After a few minutes I rolled over. He braced me with his arm across my back and started. I’m shocked at myself to tell you that I fought him a little. I tried to block him with my hands, feet and legs. I tried to roll. I begged him to stop. Eventually I just buried my face in the pillow and cried very hard. When I stopped fighting and was sobbing pretty much uncontrollably he stopped. He immediately wrapped me up in his arms and told me he was sorry that he hadn’t paid more attention to my needs. He said, “Sex is a release for me from the everyday stresses that overwhelm me and I think spanking is the same for you. The only difference is that you won’t ask for a spanking.” I nodded at him still crying still unable to admit to him that I do need him to spank me more. Once I calmed down he told me to go splash my face with some cold water and come back to bed. This was a good idea seeing that my face now looked pretty pathetic from crying so much. Afterwards, we made love. It was wonderful. I thought of nothing but how much I loved him the entire time and what a great man he is for caring so much for me. I won’t forget that moment for a long time.
opheliathemuse
I feel the same way about flogging. I love the way being collared and face-fucked feels because I love giving pleasure, but flogging and whipping releases tension and stress in me the same way...it's cathartic. When we've had a particularly good session I tend to cry. It means I've reached that center, the balance I need to be at again. It's funny you mention needing to be spanked, Pugs--I needed to be spanked as a child when I was overtired or grumpy-tired. I'd go right to sleep. The flogging for me is similar. It puts me in a deeply relaxed state of mind. I suppose having sex vigorously is nearly the same, because I lose sense in that as well, but it is less personal for obvious reasons.

I'm glad you and Mr. Pugs worked it out=)

tesao
omuse, sounds like you have yourself a winner! sounds like you know what you need to do is to simply tell him that you like rocky road but sometimes you also like pecan nut crunch. or vanilla with chocolate sauce. try mixing things up a bit and see how he reacts to ass play with his ass -- either you with a strap on or just with an anal toy....or ice play! or hot wax! or whatever. a good way to get started is to ask him to send you stories or pictures that he thinks are hot....whatever he sends you, he is probably excited by. it has worked for me, maybe it would work for you?

pugs, i'm also glad that you and the mister worked stuff out! do you think that you could get to the point where you could ask? or to maybe come up with some signal that lets him know without your having to get to the breaking point? maybe sitting in the corner?

dayglowpink, you are very close! it is a wand, with a bit of an expansion at the tip, and some sort of decoration at the end to keep it from going all the way into the urethra. say, a semi-precious stone. it isn't a piercing, and piercing isn't required. but ohmy! i get wet looking at them!
girltrouble
yay pugs! it's soooo good to find that thing that centers you, i feel that way about spanking, i've asked my last 2 exes (when we were dating) to spank me sometimes just because i need a good cry. and like omuse, i have a relaxation cue, but mine is being tied up-- sometimes annoyingly so. i've fallen asleep on dommes because my emotional reaction is to completely relax, no matter how stressed i am being tied up gets rid of all my tension, which is why i'd be terrible in torture scenes..... wink.gif

it's so funny how so many of these things with play become more pronounced, and more easily acessable to your partner-- my ex will still say certain things while feeding me desert, and i swear, even though we have been broken up for more than a year and a half, i still get chills up and down my back, and want to crawl up into her lap-- (i feel that way [i]just typing that, damn!) once she's done that i'm all hers. luckily she won't cross that line since we aren't dating, but i do like having her do that to me, and she likes that she still has that power over me.

omuse, tes is right (as always!) looking at pix or porn or reading each other erotica, can be great discussion starters. you can also have him tell you a sexy (bedtime) story-- or better yet, tell them to each other. once you get comfortable you slowly reveal your fantasies in a non-treatening way. an additonal thing to talk about after any of these things is simply, "what did you think was hot?" it's like after care for a story-- you get to see a bit into your partner's head, and find their erotic buttons....
opheliathemuse
I know I would like a bedtime story...

Thanks for the ideas, everyone.
I read The Loving Dominant and Castle Realm.com, plus a multitude of blogs about bdsm today/yesterday, and I'm much more informed!
glassk
ooooooh ophelia... links???

i need bedtime stories every now and again!
opheliathemuse
glassk, if you have a lj, look up male_dom, bdsm, and askthekinsters. Those communities have all been very helpful to me thus far.
Castle Realm is here: http://www.castlerealm.com/
There is something called the library, where Colm and Jade entered essays on their own experiences, in addition to their friends and just other people's, which is incredible useful. It's done in a very professional way, but not impersonally. I really, really liked it. It might be a little over the top as far as the castle-y bits for some, but the warmth struck a chord with me. The site devotes itself to making sections for the dominant, the submissive, the two together, and how to enter and keep a relationship going. It doesn't have any pornography, which I also find incredibly relieving. I don't want visuals when reading about what I'm doing to someone I love. It's actually more of a relationship manual than anything else...which is what I sorely need...I have commitment problems and communications issues that stem back from childhood. This is turning into a rambly post...but whatever. I mean, actually bdsm just helps me articulate the things which I have trouble most with, such as closeness.
I actually sat in the bookstore and read over the Loving Dominant. I didn't purchase it just yet...I didn't feel it was right to purchase something for someone like that, you know? That's sort of like him purchasing Submissive 101 for me and expecting me to be ok with it, if I were totally unaware of the lifestyle. But I wanted to get a better perspective on this whole thing, where everyone is coming from, where he might be, and where I am. I have yet to find Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns, but that has been getting rave reviews.
Bondage.com supposedly is a good place too, for q/a, but I found it less inviting.

As far as figuring out my own quirks: Orion asked me to send him an email last night, so he could have something this morning to read about what I liked. I started listing very generally, anything from why I like wearing dresses, heels, and backrubs to having my nails painted. I got more explicit in the list format, with normal or the more regular (frequently occurring) things appearing first, and then I got really pretty adventurous for me. And I started realizing and explaining why I did and didn't like some things. Which is exactly what he wanted.
opheliathemuse
Sooo...I'm posting again. I'm really horny. I just thought I'd mention that. heh. Finally my body is readjusting to everything and yowza.
glassk
oooooh thanks ophelia i can't wait to go and check this stuff out.....
(i'm horny too) haha.... and on my rag.....grrrr......
I'll tell you what i think if I dont' get lost... wink.gif
LoveMyPugs
ophelia -

I can't wait to have more time to check out that link. I jumped on there for a second and read an article and it seems like a great site. Thanks again.

Wanting a spanking but not wanting to ask for it right now. Any suggestions for how I can get myself passed the being to shy to ask without bratting out and irritating Mr. Pug?
opheliathemuse
what turns -him- on? and make him more likely to spank you, LoveMyPugs? I have the same issue, kinda...not sure how to ask, but he asks me what I want when we are making love. We don't live together, so I haven't progressed to wanting/needing spanking, flogging, whipping, or what-have-you more than that.
hee..glad you liked the link!
Oh my gosh, last night was A-freaking-mazing. I'm more of a switch-y sub kinda gal, so I took note when O mentioned he wanted me to dress up like a school mistress for his birthday (in March). I never got around to it, due to health problems, so I seized the day last night, so to speak. I dressed up in a black pencil skirt, forties style champagne -coloured pin-tucked blouse, black cardigan with pearl buttons, black high heels with tan wing tip detailing, and met him at my door. I didn't allow him to come in at all, and just announced we'd be doing some of my errands. I had him carry my basket and bought kitchen-y things, girly things, and he bought me a book. When I got bored, I had him drive us home. I then had him rub my feet with lotion, kissing them, moving onto my calves. I had him kiss the insides of my thighs, but he bit me there--and I was holding my crop the whole time--the one that's usually used on me, and I gave him a little taste of it. For every rule he broke, I smacked him just a little. He was a good boy most of the time wink.gif. I had him worship my arm and hand as well. All the while, I had him remove clothing at intervals, just one piece at a time. I made him leave his socks on until almost last. When I got tired of all the worship and kisses, I had him remove his socks, and started pressing up against him, kissing, licking, and sucking like I know he enjoys being touched. When he tried to put his arms about me, I held them behind his back. I stood under him, and asked him to remove my sweater. Unfortunately for him, he tried to kiss my neck. I froze and told him ONLY the sweater. I told him to lie down on the bed and we started to have sex, and he automatically started to put my hands above my head. I again had to correct him. It was fun to watch. We eventually switched modes--he became Dominant while we were having sex--I removed my clothing, and wore nothing but the corset. It was soooo hot. At least to me. And THEN! Later on we had dinner and came back friskier than ever! I was actually just caressing him to sleep, because he was stretched out on my bed, and so I was just drawn to making him happy. He asked me to use my mouth a little, and so I started kissing and licking him along with the caresses. He then had me go down on him, and get my collar. I even got a spanking (well several spankings) =) He likes to put his hand around my neck--it fits wonderfully. I love it.

I have installed safewords, thank you for instilling their importance Girltrouble. =)

Tesao and Girltrouble, thank you for your ideas! They have helped already. I loved making an email that was all about my desires, really...no one had ever really asked me what -I- wanted. I mean--Orion will tell you (with a look in my direction) that he has repeatedly. But I need to write things down to articulate them, and to process them over time. Thinking things aloud generally doesn't help. Maybe I could make a collage too. I appreciate you guys so much!
girltrouble
what? who me? i was just thinking, "um..... school mistress...ummm hawt!" at this point van halen's hot for teacher starts playing in my head, and the drool spills from my lips. really, i swear, safe words were the last thing on my mind, and reading all the things you did, well it didn't occur to me till you said something. before that, i was too busy being jealous. besides, i think y'all know about safewords and why i go on about them. don't want to preach to the choir.

one thing i would do back when i was shy i would play a pillow game. you and your S.O. face each other, and you name 3 things that might turn you one, it could be one or all three, your SO gets to guess, then you tell them which did turn you on, then you switch and they tell you 3, and so on.

another thing i would do with my last gf was just whisper it playfully in her ear when she was doing something else. its so much easier to whisper, "i really, really need a spanking right now." than it is to say it. and if they say what, you can play innocent.

but own your desires. there is nothing wrong with wanting, needing a spanking, and its oh so hot to ask.

stay with me because i am posting the next para for a reason...
i don't know if any of you are involoved with your local scene or how good your local scene is, i know it's not for everyone (hell, most of the time i feel more comfortable with private play), but the local club here (wetspot.org incase you want to see the type of activities they have); have these great nights called tastings. a tasting is where there are stations all over the club and each fetish will have an entusiast who can answer any questions you might have as well as give you a small taste in a safe environment. the one i went to has a primmer on fisting (anal/vaginal) wax, knife, fire and other types of play. it was great to watch people try things i wasn't brave enough to, and talk to the entusiasts for the things that i didn't understand. and things that didn't appeal to me (knife play for one) became less scary and much more interesting, even if i think it's something i don't really think i'd do. perhaps you might try a private tasting with your partner. tell them you'd like to make a list of things you might like to try and throw somethings that are safe, but you don't think interest you. and discuss them afterwards. that way you don't feel so uneasy about the things you are really curious about. does that make sense? or is it a bit too labor intensive? lol... i never know...

but if you really never want to even talk about it, you can be really sneaky and find a good kinky web page on the subject you are curious about and leave it on the puter.... or print it and leave it somewhere you know he'll find it.


ich. you guys make me want to call this boy i know is into me and do terrible things to him...shame on you!
LoveMyPugs
Mr. Pug must have known I was in need of a spanking because he was doing it throughout the entire afternoon. Sporadically, he’d catch me when I wasn’t ready for it. In total I think he got me three times; each one was very powerful and took my breath away a little. For some reason the pain when he hits me when I’m wearing jeans is more spread out, even and thud like. Unlike the stinging when I’m bare assed.

When we finally got to bed he said, “I really think I should spank you tonight. You’ve had a lot of lip today.”

I asked him, “Why? I’ve been good all day. You said you like a little bit of lip now and again. I’m just happy with my grades for the semester so I’m spouting off a little. I respect you and am just playing around. Anyway, spanking always makes me cry and I’m feeling so great today. I really don’t want to cry. I’m completely carefree today and don’t need the release.”

He said, “I like doing it and if you don’t want to cry then I won’t let you.”

I didn’t really know what he meant to do but he also said that he wanted some ass play tonight. I told him that it has been a while since we played around with anal and that he’d have to take his time. I knew he was anxious and I didn’t think he’d have the patience for anal tonight.

So he had me lying on my side facing away from him while he spooned me from behind. He had a finger in my ass and since we haven’t had any ass play in a while he was moving very slowly. He’d say, “Do you want more or do you want a spank?”

Since I hadn’t done anal in a while just his finger felt huge so a few times I said spank and not more. He was whispering what a good girl I am in my ear while kissing my neck.

After multiple blows to the buttocks and his finger probing my ass he had me on the verge of tears for about 45 minutes but would always stop short of my breaking point. I was so turned on and relaxed at the same time that I was able to take most of his cock in my ass with no problem. How great it was to have his hips pressed against my warm, stinging, pink ass.

I wish I could understand why the spanking can bring me to my knees so fast. I consider myself a tough cookie but spanking can turn me into a meek child in a matter of moments. I think Mr. Pug likes that side of me. He likes to be the one take me through that whole spectrum of emotion. I go from being “sexy bring it on” to the “defiant brat” to the “meek submissive” to the “the intensity might be too much” to the “hold me I need you” to the “fuck me I want you” to the “tender let me make you dinner”. It’s very overwhelming being his lover. Sometimes it’s all I can think about. How do those in 24/7 D/s relationships keep their minds off sex? I can’t even watch a movie with my sister on the couch without thinking about how my jeans on my freshly spanked ass make it sting even more. Reliving it in my mind while typing this is making me want to go jump him while he slumbers right now. Mmmmm…there is always tomorrow morning.

Goodnight fellow floggers.
opheliathemuse
Teehee. I'm glad I made you smile GT =) And those suggestions! omg, keep 'em coming!! I love the pillow idea completely. It's like a sweeter Truth or Dare version of D/s. woo! We're not looking to become involved in the local scene, but I absolutely love doing research. It's my passion in all areas, and sex is definitely no exception! The private tasting sounds perfect, to be honest. I know he wouldn't mind to me making a list and showing him at all! There are several things that I am interested in I know he isn't and vice versa. It'd be interesting to make a list of what we're ok with too.
Pugs, I can't stop thinking about sex...I really identify with this: "Sometimes it’s all I can think about. How do those in 24/7 D/s relationships keep their minds off sex? I can’t even watch a movie with my sister on the couch without thinking about how my jeans on my freshly spanked ass make it sting even more." I was sitting in the theatre today, watching a musical all dressed up, and thinking verrrrrry nasty thoughts about next time I see him. MMMMmmmmm.
I also identify with the wide range of emotions I can feel within 24 fours! I am his kaleidescope, he calls me.
girltrouble
sigh. i am giving up on getting over my jealosy. pugs had me drooling too. that part about him keeping you on the edge of crying... i miss that kind of intimacy... damn you both. i'm hanging out with my ex this weekend... i might just have to give into some kink... atleast her feeding me, but ooch it makes me soooooo vulnerable... and pugs, think of yourself as lucky for having such a wonderful means of reaching subspace. and one that mr. pugs enjoys so much. can you imagine what it would be like if you didn't like to be spanked? i have a friend, a cuddle bug, who's boyfriend didn't like to touch or be touched. can you imagine? i love that my ex can get me hot in a crowded resturant doing something pretty innocuous, and have me on edge if she warns me before we would go out to eat that she will feed me at some point. the anticipation keeps me in knots... and when she teases me...ich! these kinks, my friends, are VIRTUES! why ask why? just revel in it!
LoveMyPugs
gt -

you are right. why ask why right? it just blows my mind how much our relationship has changed in the last year or so. so funny how you can go from avoiding sex no matter what it takes to then wanting sex so bad you are willing to do whatever it takes even if that means pain and an emotional rollercoaster.
opheliathemuse
I have always loved sex but I used to hate intimacy--cuddling and making love. Orion is the only one with whom I've been comfortable giving enough of myself to really do both.
prettynpink
OMG. I am so freakin' horny right now. All I can think of is the Mr. promising me my first experience with hot wax... I'm aching to be tied up, blindfolded and teased within an inch of my sanity. Hell, its like I'm being teased now.

I have to suffer through a party tonight too.

Its funny. For a while I haven't really been in the mood for sex, but the past few days I am just going crazy for the cock. Anyone have any good stories to keep me occupied?

GAHHHHHH. I hate being horny at work.
stargazer
going crazy for the cock?

that's cute PiP.
prettynpink
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I cant stop thinking about sex!!!! Plus one of my friends at work is teasing me with pictures of his tattoos.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I dont WANT to be here!! I WANT to be at home with my mouth wrapped around the Mr's cock. DAMMIT!
LoveMyPugs
I was sucking Mr. Pug's cock forever last night on my knees while he wacked me on the ass from behind and teased me with his fingers between smacks. It was wonderful. Also, before hand we were sitting on the couch watching a movie while he smacked me over and over again and pinched my hot pink ass. He's really getting into this spanking thing. He got me yesterday when we were in the shower together. That one stung cause I was all wet.

Can I ask a question while I'm talking about showering? Do any of you shower with your man regularly? My friend the other day said that she showers once in a while with her man after sex but she doesn't feel like she can really "clean" herself while he's in there with her. She can't really pick her leg up and clean her girly parts with him watching. She said, "Ya know what I mean?" I said, "No. Actually I don't know what you mean." I have no problem showering with Mr. Pug. Cleaning my butt and girl parts with him watching doesn't bother me at all. He does it too. We love to shower together. When I'm home for the day he makes me wait to shower until he gets home so we can shower together. Usually, I'll wash the morning off by washing my face, brushing my teeth and combing my hair but I wait till he gets home to take a full shower. Just wanted to ask if anyone else is like this. My friend and her husband aren't as close as Mr. Pug and I so I guess that's why it makes her uncomfortable. It's a shame. I think showering with Mr. Pug is a highlight of my day sometimes. It's very intimate. We wash each other and talk and laugh. It's fun and makes me feel close to him. I can remember when I was a little girl wondering why my parents were in the shower together. They probably just liked it as well. It saves on water too right!?!?!?! biggrin.gif
girltrouble
i think that that's one of those 'rules'. you know the kind, like "don't fart or burp around your bf" or, "don't pee with the door open when your bf is over." kind of rules. the justification is that it's unlady like, but it doesn't matter. when i was a boy showering with my various gfs, some did, some didn't but it never meant no nevermind to me. i figured some of them knew i loved their bodies and wouldn't get squicked by that , and some still felt uncomfortable doing that in front of me, but it's no big deal....or it never was to me. i never thought women pooped icecream, they're human beings. of course they wash the "lady parts..."
opheliathemuse
I think it's sad "rules" exist. I think it should be whatever you're comfy with, y'know?
I miss O. We live in separate counties, and I won't see him until this weekend. =( I sometimes feel slightly lost when he leaves on Monday morning.
jack67
Hmmm been seeing a new woman with a wonderful sexual appetite. While making love (with me on top) she frequently smacks my ass. I hope this is going in a nice direction...

wink.gif
prettynpink
Went to Kinky Carnival this weekend. It was neat but it seemed ill planned. The building it was in was too small and I think that they weren't expecting so many people. It was also geared more towards subs, which is understandable, but they could have had lessons for doms. All in all, fun, but not worth $20.

girltrouble
wait.....wtf?! you're in seattle?!?
prettynpink
I work in Seattle and live in Bremerton.
stargazer
dude, i was wonderin' why you two busties haven't met yet. now, you know you are in the same region. cool.
greenbean
I can't stop thinking about my Brit Boy! I think we are gonna get to see each other again in a month and I have so much adrenaline pumping through my veins I could explode! Not only does he have a huge cock but he is a GENIUS at psyche play. I'm sure all you dirty broads remember me speaking of him. I can't freakin wait to see him again. My most recent favorite memory of him is how he would fuck me while in the spoon position, with his arms wrapped tightly around mine which would be crossed over my chest,..and he would bite my neck and slowly pull is cock almost out before stabbing it back into me..so hard I would emit this gutteral yeowl like a cat....a noise I had never heard myself make before. My. God. I wish I could fly out right now. This is gonna be one clit-throbbing month of anticipation.
girltrouble

clit throbin'....lol greenbean... you're a ryot!

pip, we should go to dimsum sometime... next time you are in seattle on the weekend, we should figger it out... i live in the heart of chinatown...
opheliathemuse
ooooooooooooooh, gb....orion does that very thing to me. what IS it about that position? mmmmm.
eta: I had my first couple orgasms with him this weekend!! very happy and excited, since this means my body and mind are beginning to trust him like I really want to. And boy oh boy, everything is niiiice.
I suppose this post isn't much about bdsm. oops.
dayglowpink
ophelia, that's awesome! That's so nice. I love that position, too. My guy will pull out really slowly, wait for a while, and then slam his dick in and pull my hair at the same time. Aaah. I make some crazy noises with that, too.
greenbean
Yeah, that position is awesome. There is definitly something animal about it but totally different than doggy...an animal with fangs, like a cat or spider. We should name it something, like the viper-slow-killing-the-captive-mouse position. mmmmm... I also love how his face against my neck when he does it like that. I think the back of my neck is my most favorite erogenous zone...plus he gets to hiss dirty words and noises in my ear. Gaaaaaaah!
LoveMyPugs
Now I'm horny! Thanks a lot ladies...
treehugger
hehe...I'm mostly a lurker in here, it's not really my scene, I have too much baggage...but greenbeans post made me horny too!!!! OMG!
greenbean
Heh, heh. Happy to be of service.
I've got some scattered bruises all over my body today from wrestling w/ a crush last night. I get real scrappy around this guy and while I'm always the instigator, and he isnt much bigger than me, he always 'beats' me into submission. Gawd I love being manhandled.

You know, I was thinking about the whole "where does this desire come from", and I remember at a very young age always loving play fights with my older male cousins. When I would play make-believe with my sister and my girl cousins, they always wanted to be princesses of the "save me!" variety, and for some reason I always wanted to play a male character, usually a soldier or warrior. Sometimes the boy cousins would play and being the little dictator that I was I would tell them "You guys are the villians and are trying to capture the Princess. Now I'm the good guy, so I'm supposed to win the fight, ok?". But of course, it was not ok. The little hooligans wouldn't let me win, and sometimes they would pin me down and tie me to something. I would fight back with all my might and protest that they werent playing right,...but I also remember being thrilled to death when they would do that, and I remember being heartbroken when they got a bit older and traded "make-believe" for Nintendo.

Its weird how I achieve more of an adreneline rush when I 'lose' fight rather than win it. Its a strange paradox, because being trapped and bound in a man's arms can be the scariest thing ever if its a true assault, but when it is with someone I fancy, its possibly my favorite feeling in the whole wide world...
anna k
QUOTE
and for some reason I always wanted to play a male character, usually a soldier or warrior


That reminds me of when I was a little kid, and I watched a Chuck Norris movie, one where he's in Vietnam, and I got really into it, and I was alone in the room, so I took off my shirt, splashed water on myself like it was sweat, and jumped around the room. This was a private but really freeing moment.
glassk
anna k--

that was a great little anecdote. It makes me happy you shared it.
girltrouble
uh... greenbean... that is so hot. i had an ex who used to always make me kiss her "guns" she and i would wrestle and it'd end with some pretty hot sex....*drool*...
tyger
aloha, fine a knowledgable peeps of bdsm-land tongue.gif

so, the boything is into getting hurt/tied up, which i am more than game for. so, you know, he has handcuffs and i have fingernails, but i want to expand. can you guys recommend some online resources or books geared for a beginner?
girltrouble
oop! post x2
girltrouble
you could always go with sm101 which i think everyone should read for the basics like (here i go again-- safe words, aftercare, etc), but femme domme is a bit of a different animal, if you ask me. a local domme here, mistress matiesse has a good blog. fingernails are good, but i think-- and this is just my opinion, the attitude is what makes femme domme.
i'd write more, but you'd get a novel, and i don't know that that is what you need starting out.

here's my shabby attempt at brevity:

>role play mentally.
think about what architypes there are and how they control men/subs. eg:prim school marms; coy geishas; teasing lolitas, cruel dominatrix. the point is to think of what they'd do with your boy, and act accordingly. no costumes needed.

>listen to the boy.
have him tell you what turns him on: have him tell you erotic bedtime stories, ask him what turned him on about his exes, other kink he's done. be non-judgemental, but if something isn't something you like you can always say it's not really your cup of tea.

>be playful.
scenes can be extremely fun. don't lose your sense of humor. i've done scenes near a refrigerator where another domme would take a cherry tomato, place it in the sub's teeth and tell the sub, he is not to crush the tomato, no matter what we do... then we'd so all sorts of goofy things with the rest of the tomatoes, call him a ripe little tomato, etc.

>pace is important.
scenes, like stories have beginings, middles and ends. build up to your main goal of the scene. don't jump right in. sometimes anticipation is just as hot as climax.

>be creative.
as if the story above didn't clue you, anything can be used. i've used chopsticks, rubber bands, q-tips, sandpaper, clothes pins (ich! clothes pins hurt the worst!). i also tend to be a non-instrumental domina (i don't usually use whips, or other implements, although they are fun), i do little kid games 'indian burns' roman knuckles, horsebites, pinching, smacking, some martial arts seizing and locking (arm holds, etc.) but all of it done sweetly... if i can say that...lol use what you have at hand. or at home depot wink.gif

>pay attention.
bdsm can be dangerous. don't do anything you haven't researched, know any medical issues your partner has, and watch them carefully while playing.

tyger
thanks for the reply, gt. i knew you'd have great advice. i agree with you about attitude playing a huge role. after having sex for a few weeks we sort of naturally fell into a pattern where i was definitely in charge of the whole situation, so i point blank asked him how he wanted things to be, which was how the pain/bondage thing came up (he was hesitant to bring it up first as he had a rather bad experience with his parents finding out by walking in on him tied up one day when he was 13 or 14 and lectured him about how it was bad/wrong etc, so he likes to wait until he's sure whoever he's with isn't going to freak out over it). he turns into helpless goo as soon as i start pain play or making him beg.

we're taking baby steps right now. for example, i'm having fun with innocent household objects, like resting my cup of hot tea on his chest (not hot enough to actually burn, not full enough to actually spill, but close enough to both that he stays still and does exactly what i say), and using tweezers to grab his nipples. i'm heading to vancouver in the next month, so i figure i'll find reading material then, as i live in the sticks and would rather avoid paying shipping on something i could easily buy in less than a month's time while on vacation
greenbean
Ooo, sounds exciting tyger!
I personally am not very good at being dominant, but I think its good to sit down with him outside of the bedroom and have him tell you what he likes,.. or since you are leaving town maybe have him write you...that way you can take control when actually in the senario without asking him what you should do (can spoil the moment).

I was on a date yesterday and the boy implied that he wants to be hit/bitch-slapped in the face. I've never done that before (well, not in a sexy way anyhow). I'm intrigued but also timid. I do love play-fighting in order to unleash the beast in the boy, but I gotta say I associate slapping a face with true anger and violence. Its something that I would never want done to me...but if the boy wants it and is sure he can take it.....We'll see!
tyger
gb, i can see how face-slapping would be intimidating (but then i have a tendency to playfully slap a few select friends across the face when they're being cheeky. it's the fun noise with no pain/no mark brand of slapping, though) but i've been reading mistress matisse's blog and column in The Stranger, as girltrouble suggested, so you might want to read this http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=20707

me and the boything have talked about what he wants/likes, but we're having to do things on a let's try this and see how we like it basis, and neither one of us really has that much experience with it. mostly i've figured out i like being close while inflicting pain. i want to be able to rest my head of his chest or stomach, hold his hand if we're trying something new. i've also discovered that depending on my mood i feel different about pain. sometimes it's evil giggly nonsexual fun feelings, sometimes it turns into an 'i want to jump you five minutes ago' sort of thing. it' interesting to figure out these new things about myself
girltrouble
yay! tyger, that's awesome! as for kink, i think it should always start out as a 'kicking the tires' type sitch. you never know which things will get you off that you never imagined, and things you've fantasized about that...fall flat. but somethings are better in your head for whatever reason, somethings are better irl. but it never hurts to try.

..oooooh. strike that. lol --sometimes it does wink.gif
phobia
Hi All,
Decided to locate my account info and password so I could start posting here again, primarily because of this thread biggrin.gif

We've been having lots of fun lately (the boy has become much more comfortable in recent years with all TEH KINK), but I've been kind of down about it, since lately I keep coming across "BDSM is BAD" stuff in my travels on the interwebs -- from both right and left. But I knew the lovely ladies over here could help me get my head straight (har!), so I decided to dust off my busty login and password and stop by to say hi and maybe get a pep talk (imagine pathetic puppy dog eyes).

Holy crap, that sentence was LONG!

In any event...I used to post here a couple years ago, but since I started my "real" job, I got out of the habit of message boards alltogether, but I've always remembered this place fondly.

But if another freaking dingo eats my username (this is my third re-registration, I think!), I will be very agitated smile.gif
Muffy
phobia, pish posh "bad" the people that say that are just jealous because we're more fun in the sack than they are! lol!

I wish I could say I'm currently having that kind of fun, I'm single right now blah!
I'm not exactly sure how to even introduce the subject when I do find someone that I think I may want to have more than drinks with wink.gif without them running out the door because of the stigma of liking BDSM.

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