Help - Search - Members - Calendar
Full Version: Fun with Floggers II -- BDSM revisited.
The BUST Lounge > Forums > Let's Talk About Sex
Pages: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20
girltrouble
my blog is easy to find star, it's here in the lounge. just look to the right of the lovely bustie ladies at the top of the page. and the last link in that field is blogs click on that, and it will take you to the blog list. mine is there, but you won't be able to see it unless you are signed in.

as for my new conclusion, i think it was the idea of needing an audience, or showing off, which sometimes i feel guilty of posting here. one of our bdsm friends seems to get off on doing scenes in public ( by public i mean playspaces), and right now, play spaces, and to some degree, having any audience is kind of a turn off. don't get me wrong, i'm just talking about me personally right now.... if it turns you on, more power to you, (i think that candy's getting to be a stunt sub is awesome, and a terrific experience) but for me, it doesn't get me hot like it used to. right now i really need to feel protected....which is so very new to me. i feel like i'm exploring my body in an emotional context, which i've not allowed myself. for sometime i think there has been a wall that goes up. perhaps it was my work, who knows....

and phobia, i understand. for me it's the sensation overload that i like, but like i said certain sensations (thuddy) feel great, while stingy does not. although lately a light touch gives me a way more intense sensation overload than either...

hey pugs, i've been meaning to ask you if the pinapple juice experement went well, and please tell the mr that he needs to post in here again. i soooo didn't mean to scare him off....
LoveMyPugs
gt - the pineapple thing was good. it worked well. for me it didn't taste sweet it just didn't have the bitterness that it usually does. however, i think he skipped a few days and now he's back in the bitter zone. i told him he has pineapple in the fridge and that he better eat some.

he'll be back in here again tomorrow. we've both been busy. he is trying to help get the kids in our town signed up for the winter bowling league that he coachs and i just started fall semester. we've barely had time to talk to each other let alone stop in to check out what's going on in bust.

i'd try caning. i like sting which is why i think i like the spatula so much. i think my bottom is too tough for the thud.
phobia
GT said "for me it's the sensation overload that i like..."

Yeah, that's more what I was getting at. And yeah, certain sensations are better than others. Boyfriend can get me to yelp and scream by pinching my nipples, but spanking, even with implements, just makes me ... drifty... If that makes sense. I hesitate to use the word "subspace" because I think it can be overused and used improperly a lot of the time, but, like take last night. We finally got a chance to use the new hitty thingy, and it was great, but I definitely started to focus entirely on those sensations, and sort of, well, dried up, if you know what I mean. Which is fine and we got the ol' engine running again, but I was just so focused on processing the new sensation that I lost track of almost everything else. And again, it hurt, but it wasn't like when you sprain your ankle and just want it to stop. I dunno, it's so hard to explain later how you feel! Gah!

Speaking of the pineapple experiment, I've been cooking a lot of Indian food lately, and I've noticed a definite difference in my own odor. Weird how that stuff works.

Anyway, back to the new hitty thing...my nipples are sore as hell, my bottom is sore as hell, and my pussy is sore as hell, and all I can think about is MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE. Gah. Also, we had sex for the first time without a condom -- the first time in my whole entire life! It was pretty awesome, but I'm not sorry I never got on birth control before. He got a lot more out of it than I did. Everything has just been so good in the bedroom since we had those Big Talks, he's really letting loose, and it's been so freaking awesome. Sigh. The new hitty thing comes highly recommended -- it is a very pleasant combination of stingy and thuddy, and the heavy/springy nature of it means the poor boy's aching wrists get a break.

BTW -- if you like stingy, can I re-recommend the bamboo back scratcher? Go pick one up at the dollar store. You won't be dissapointed! I love found whappers!

But speaking of how we feel about sex at different times, that's something we've discussed here before. I'm sure more "vanilla" people experience these sorts of shifts, but I personally think it's more noticeable when you're kinky, because there can be a much bigger difference. If that makes sense.
LoveMyPugs
I've noticed that since being in a 24/7 D/s relationship that I'm pretty much always in the mood. When I heard other people say this I never believed them. I was always like, "Come on, there has to be a time when you don't feel like it." This is not true. I can't remember the last time Mr. Pug wanted it and I said no. The only time we don't is when it's a mutual thing. For example, last night we were both very tired so neither one of us wanted to. Had he wanted to I probably would have. Another thing is I think the lunapads help with the after period dryness so we can start right back up again when it's over. It's also lightened my bleeding so I only bleed for four days instead of five.

As far as how I feel during a spanking session...um for me it's kinda hard to put into words. At first "presenting" myself to him is very hard. Knowing that I need it and want it is hard to admit to myself and to him. Actually bending over his lap or over a piece of furniture naked and having him stare at my ass is kinda ackward as well. Waiting for the first smack I think is the worst. I know it's going to hurt and I just focus on relaxing because for me tensing up hurts more. For the first five minutes I ususally giggle. I hate this part. I think it's just me trying to get past the ackwardness. I try to cover my ass with my hands or roll away. Sometimes he laughs with me or is very serious. I like when he's serious cause it helps me focus. Of course after five minutes I start to feel the heat and the sting more and more so it hurts. Usually at that moment the pain is all that I'm thinking about. I kinda like it cause I'm not thinking about school, parents, dishes, laundry, finances and what not. Just me and him and the pain. After my skin starts to numb up a bit it's just more thuddy and now it's more of a marathon with a goal of getting to the tears. I usually bite my fingers or my lip and my mind just starts to wonder to things that have been causing me emotional pain and every smack just wipes them away one by one. Then I kinda think about Mr. Pug and how much I love him. I think he's very sweet to do this for me. This is usually when the tears start. He keeps going through them until I'm begging him to stop. A few more past the begging point he usually stops and he'll hold me. Sometimes we talk. Other times we make love or just fuck depending on the mood. Sometimes I want to sleep. All together I want to say this takes about 20 minutes from start to finish. He doesn't do it daily (although sometimes I wish he would) but he knows when I need it. I usually don't have to ask. I think that sums up the experience for me. I can say that if I don't go through the whole cycle I usually start to feel a little distant, annoyed, agitated. I don't know why. I just need to get through to the end. Sometimes I cry and other times I don't. I always feel better after I cry for some reason. In all honesty, I'm a cry baby anyway most of the time. laugh.gif

Well, gotta go clean the kitchen. See yall!
candycane_girl
Pugs, he doesn't work up to it? The smacks I mean. I would have expected that he starts off just tapping lightly and then hitting you harder and harder.


Anyway, I hate to say this but I'm feeling horribly depressed now. I think it's the post vacation crash but it's also feeling so alone. I can't get over how in just a few days I got so used to having someone around to hold me at night. And for once when I cried it actually felt satisfying because he was there to care for me after. I really feel incredibly alone right now and it especially doesn't help that I don't have a boyfriend here. Like, it doesn't need to specifically Jefferson holding me at night, I just want to find a man of my own to do it and I don't even know where to start.

Sorry for getting off topic, I know that's more like single girl relationship stuff but it's just how I feel right now.
stargazer
(((candy))) sorry you are feelin' down. it is ok to vent in here.

gt, i am SO there with you. geesh. i want protection too. and it is a weird feeling for me. what's so cool is that it is something i'm exploring on my own. i'm not in a relationship. so, i actually feel more vulnerable. i think i understand though...

pugs, i think i understand you're "wanting it" all the time feelings. for me, just opening myself to my feelings about my self, sex, and how i intimately feel about other people...makes me want it all the time. and yoga has especially been really helpful in keeping myself open. and i'm just flooded with these intense feelings. i have some women friends who still have some shame in admitting how much sex means to them. even openly discussing it. and i've always been surprised because i thought that is what girlfriends are suppose to do with each other. maybe it is because most of my friends and i were brought up catholic. but, i literally have to coax my friends to talk about sex. and my one best friend thought i had alot of lovers only because of my openness about sex. i have not had many partners. and i think you would have alot of insight about being with 1 partner and being open sexually.
p_176
off subject a tad - LMP - i looked at the luna pad website, looks interesting. what made you start using them, and how did it make your period lighter?
phobia
Oh, Candycane! I totally feel ya. I hate that post-vacation slump sad.gif The worst is when my best friend comes to visit, because all week I'm cleaning and making the guest bed and making sure I have snacks on hand (stupid pancreas of his!), and then he visits and we have such fun, and then, Monday morning, it's just....god, it's so sad. Urgh. It's like the entire year of missing him being around all crammed into one day. But hang in there -- didn't you just move to like a totally different town and everything? I'm sure that some of those emotions are playing into how you're feeling, PLUS the post-vacay letdown, PLUS the post-Jefferson let-down, PLUS the moving thing, ARGH! No wonder you're feeling depressed. Hang in there -- you'll meet some cool people sooner or later. I was just in Toronto and it seemed full of cool places to go and neat stuff to do. Plus, you have US!

p 176 -- Pugs talks a lot about the luna pads in the Bloody Grrls thread! Check it out! I personally have noticed since I don't use tampons anymore everything is much...nicer. Weird how nobody warns you "hey, these are convenient, but may increase cramping and dryness." Gr.

Stargazer -- I feel the same way about some of my friends -- they think I'm like Dr Ruth, and I've only had 3 real partners -- 1 of which was super ultra horribly vanilla! I just do my homework, you know? And, as it turns out, everyone else's homework, I guess: D
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(stargazer @ Aug 30 2007, 12:08 PM) *
i have some women friends who still have some shame in admitting how much sex means to them. even openly discussing it. and i've always been surprised because i thought that is what girlfriends are suppose to do with each other. maybe it is because most of my friends and i were brought up catholic. but, i literally have to coax my friends to talk about sex. and my one best friend thought i had alot of lovers only because of my openness about sex. i have not had many partners. and i think you would have alot of insight about being with 1 partner and being open sexually.


Stargazer - my girl friends and some of my guy friends are the same way. They never want to talk about it. I feel like I'm always the one bringing it up. Drives me crazy. I don't understand everyone's shyness about it. I'm Catholic and I still am very open about it. I don't see the point of being all hush, hush. Especially if you can learn from others about new things to try.

QUOTE(p_176 @ Aug 30 2007, 01:53 PM) *
off subject a tad - LMP - i looked at the luna pad website, looks interesting. what made you start using them, and how did it make your period lighter?


p_176 - I think the open flow of blood (not being plugged by the tampon) just allows everything to flow easier and more quickly. I thought I used to bleed cups and cups of blood but with the lunapads it just looks like teaspoons everytime I change my pad. It's like nothing. I switched to them because I was tired of the dryness from the tampons and also pads bunch for me and rub me raw. The Lunapads are soooo soft and comfortable. They fit so nice in my panties and are great at night. I haven't had a leak yet. I also wanted to help the environment and I always like to make healthy changes for my body. Except eating less. I can't seem to do that one yet. laugh.gif


QUOTE(phobia @ Aug 30 2007, 02:08 PM) *
p 176 -- Pugs talks a lot about the luna pads in the Bloody Grrls thread! Check it out! I personally have noticed since I don't use tampons anymore everything is much...nicer. Weird how nobody warns you "hey, these are convenient, but may increase cramping and dryness."


True. I have talked about them a lot in Bloody Grrls. I love them. I'll never go back again. I bought the deluxe kit and it's plenty for my medium to heavy flow. I have a link to them on my myspace page as well. Oh did my girl friends slam me with comments when they saw I use and promote them.

QUOTE(phobia @ Aug 30 2007, 02:08 PM) *
Stargazer -- I feel the same way about some of my friends -- they think I'm like Dr Ruth, and I've only had 3 real partners -- 1 of which was super ultra horribly vanilla! I just do my homework, you know? And, as it turns out, everyone else's homework, I guess: D


I'm the Dr. Ruth as well Phobia. It sucks sometimes doesn't it. Other times they ask for advice then look at you with wide eyes when you offer suggestions. Especially in our lifestyles. Know what I mean??? smile.gif
candycane_girl
thanks Phobia. I think it was definitely hard because I'm still just getting used to living on my own so I came back home to nothing but an empty apartment. Toronto is a big city and I pretty much only have one friend here (who is busy all the time) and I just feel kind of lost. Jefferson wasn't really a let down, I really enjoyed my time with him. I just wish that I had been a bit smarter and instead planned a visit where I would be the only one seeing him.

I wish I could find someone like him around here (only younger and not so poly). But I don't want to find someone and end up strictly in a BDSM relationship. After this weekend I've felt that the floggings are something I would want only once in a while, or at least until the first welts and brusies heal up. I'm still glad that I was able to experience it though and I think he was the perfect guy to give me my first flogging.
LoveMyPugs
I think it's so interesting what people's sexual preferences are. I like being spanked all the time and I like the sting. Candy, you got a taste of a flogger and liked it but you don't want it all the time. Phobia likes nipple play. I just like having girlfriends who like to talk about sex daily, even hourly and are ok with themselves afterwards. Talking about sex all the time puts me in the mood and makes me more confident in myself. Does anyone else find that interesting? Right now Mr. Pug and I are so wrapped up in work and school that we've barely touched each other this week. It's sad but normal. We'll come together possibly this weekend. Hopefully!!!

Candy - just want to add that in my opinion...BDSM just opens more relationship doors that are out there. You don't have to go strictly BDSM but there might be someone out there who has the same fantasies as you do. I think it just opens you up for more. I would think it would be harder to find someone who was purely vanilla (like some of my friends IRL) then to find someone with a kinky side. Don't you?
candycane_girl
I totally agree with you Pugs. Personally I'd much rather be with someone a bit kinky than someone who is purely vanilla. That just seems so boring!

As for nipple play, Jefferson just seemed to love tugging and pulling and twisting my nipples and it was absolute torture! It always started off okay but he knows how much it affects me now. Sometimes I think he did it just for my reaction, like when I was blowing him all of a sudden he reached down and started pulling my nipples and I was practically screaming onto his cock!

Anyway, I'm slowly getting used to not having anyone in my bed but I really hope that I can meet someone now that I'm in a new city and at university.
phobia
"Personally I'd much rather be with someone a bit kinky than someone who is purely vanilla. That just seems so boring! "

Don't you guys sometimes wonder just what it is that vanilla folks DO in bed, or think about?? I in all honesty have NEVER had a sexual fantasy or experience that wasn't related to some form of power exchange, even with that vanilla boy -- boy was I fantasizing HARD to be able to enjoy myself at all... ANYway, what do "vanilla" fantasies look like?? Is it really like, rose petals and chest hair and stuff? I wouldn't know...never been vanilla. Strange to think of, really, that I've been like this since I "invented" masturbation at age nine or so (didn't you totally think you invented it, though? biggrin.gif).

Mmm...nipple play. Hang in there candycane! I didn't know you had moved to go to uni -- yeesh, you're going to meet a whole SLEW of new people, no worries. Aren't campuses, like, hotbeds of sin and debauchery? I think you'll be fine biggrin.gif

Boy is going for a bike ride after work with his bike shop people (I'm invited but my work schedule doesn't seem to ever work out properly). He'll get home all dirty and sweaty. I'm hoping I can get him in bed while he's still all wound up. Rwwar. This weekend was kind of a washout. Friday night was great -- he spanked me with the thwacker with my undies on, which was suprisingly weird and humiliating and HOT, but we did so much on Saturday we fell asleep on the couch watching pre-season football! Then Sunday was awesome all day until we were at dinner and he was doing That Thing again, where he gets all closed off when I try to be flirty and we argued about it the rest of the night sad.gif Boo. That Thing has got to stop. It makes me SO MAD. Moving on, hopefully tonight will be good.
phobia
Crap! Bike ride has been cancelled due to weather. Must re-think whole plan.

Beer and burritos and boobs. Should be fine, right?

Stupid weather.
candycane_girl
hehe, speaking of chest hair phobia, I can't get over how attracted I was to the hair on Jefferson's body! I don't know why, I usually either don't care or don't like it but there was just something about laying my head on his chest and feeling the hair, or stroking the hair on his stomach and his arms...mmmmmm.

I haven't really met too many guys just yet. I think the whole sin and debauchery thing happens way more in the dorms cause it's just so easy to hook up with people. Even if I did meet a guy I can't do anything till next week because my mother is visiting! That's right, no masturbation and (if I had the chance) no sex, my mom is here for a week! Oh well, I love her and it's a bit nice to have her around but still.


Personally I've had vanilla fantasies, like just thinking about the sex act itself but I've also had a lot of fun bdsm fantasies. I keep thinking about my first flogging. Gah, I want it again!
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(phobia @ Sep 5 2007, 06:33 PM) *
Don't you guys sometimes wonder just what it is that vanilla folks DO in bed, or think about?? I in all honesty have NEVER had a sexual fantasy or experience that wasn't related to some form of power exchange, even with that vanilla boy -- boy was I fantasizing HARD to be able to enjoy myself at all... ANYway, what do "vanilla" fantasies look like?? Is it really like, rose petals and chest hair and stuff? I wouldn't know...never been vanilla. Strange to think of, really.


I wonder the same thing sometimes. I think EVERYONE has some kind of kink going on. They have to. Even if it's using a makeshift blindfold or tying someone's hands to the headboard. I mean come on. If you think about it even the woman being on top is a bit more kinky then just plain old missionary. It's all a matter of perspective. Take a couple who does anal regularly. They are more kinky then a couple who just does missionary but would you consider them BDSM or vanilla? I don't consider myself "into" BDSM. I'm into spanking, role play, being tied up, nipple play, anal, Dom/sub power exchange. I just think that we are very sexual and like to explore. When I think of "defining" BDSM, I think of, stapling, water play, leather, collars, leads, chains, locks, dungens, whips, crops, masks, suspensions and stuff like that. Even if I like to watch that stuff I probably wouldn't do most of it. Does that make me vanilla? I don't think so. I think it's really just a matter of perspective.

Phobia - you said before that you have bruises and bite marks. I think that's serious stuff. Then on the other hand, me getting spanked until I'm screaming and crying and begging Mr. Pug to stop might sound serious to you. I don't consider etiher of us vanilla. Now Mr. Pug has this cousin who has been with his girlfriend 6+ years and they are "waiting" till their wedding night. That's just fine but also that is very VANILLA! I mean just picture their wedding night!!!! It's going to suck and probably be very boring. I want my wedding night to be FUCKING AWSOME!! I'm bringing every toy, real or makeshift I can think of with me. I want to have fun.

Tonight I was complaining that I wasn't in the mood and didn't really want to have sex. So Mr. Pug put in the movie 300 for me to watch and told me to just lay there and not move while he fucked me. I was on my back and after about ten minutes of feeling his cock sliding in and out of my hot pussy and feeling his hands all over me and him rubbing my nipples I was starting to move in time with him. Just as I started to move he told me, "No! You didn't want it remember. So you just lay there and not move. You aren't getting any pleasure out of this tonight." Well that was just hell. He felt so fucking good and he didn't even let me tighten my vaginal muscles without giving me a load of shit for it. After about a half an hour of this torture the finally asked me if I'd like to cum. I said, "PLEASE!!!" He gave me a great orgasm. Ladies!!! He's rough on me isn't he?!?! smile.gif laugh.gif It was really great and creative I must say.
phobia
QUOTE
I don't consider myself "into" BDSM. I'm into spanking, role play, being tied up, nipple play, anal, Dom/sub power exchange. I just think that we are very sexual and like to explore. When I think of "defining" BDSM, I think of, stapling, water play, leather, collars, leads, chains, locks, dungens, whips, crops, masks, suspensions and stuff like that. Even if I like to watch that stuff I probably wouldn't do most of it. Does that make me vanilla? I don't think so. I think it's really just a matter of perspective.


See, but that's the thing -- I want people to know and understand that all the stuff we all like can fall under the heading BDSM, or, even more broadly, "kink." I want people to know what to call it, how to look for what they need, how to find the information they need to be safe, to not get into an abusive relationship because they can't find what they need because they never learned the words to put around it. I really fear sometimes, seeing some of the things I come across, for teenagers and young adults who are kinky, who think they're the only ones who want to do this stuff. I'm not trying to sound preachy, but you just hear such horror stories. (trying not to focus on that part that says "nipple play," cause mine are SO SORE!!!) I dunno. The girl who runs Subshop.com posted this story about "getting into" BDSM, and I'm sure it will really speak to a bunch of us on here.

Hah, not me. Luckily, I was way goth all thru high school, and all my boyfriends like biting. My first boyfriend I had sex with tied me up and I only stopped him when he went for the hot wax -- I wasn't ready just then, but he respected that. I hope he's gotten his life straightened out and if I ever find him I really do want to tell him what a great thing he did for me at 17. He was so open and communicative -- way more so than many people I know now (I'm almost 30). We really did a lot -- though I never had an orgasm with him, sadly. I could not have asked for a better first time partner. Even though the actual "first time" was squishy and weird feeling and over much too quick.

Sorry, rant there.

Going back to my original point, I think that we need a new, more encompassing word, rather than "BDSM" or whatever. I think "kink" works reasonably well, and also has the benefit of including stuff that isn't "BDSM" related -- feet, furries, mesies, etc. If you want a feel for all that I'd really like to include under whatever banner I invent, check out Katharine Gates's amazing and informative website.

Sorry. End rant. Must shower. More sex soon I hope biggrin.gif

ETA: ooh, bloody tho. Definitely with the shower. Maybe handjob...... But hey, bloody = not preggo! Hurray!
Garlic
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Aug 20 2007, 10:04 PM) *
The ottoman thing reminded me of these sex....like, chair device things I saw yesterday at the Fetish Fair here in Toronto. The vendors had one where you lie bent over and then there's a part that's like gallows. Gah, I'm tired and bad at explaining this. Anyway, the wooden part comes down so the person is held there with their neck and wrists unable to move. It looked quite interesting but I don't think I could ever trust anyone enough to actually use one in private.


That's a set of stocks. They were originally an early modern (1500s onwards) punishment device where someone could be locked in and basically have stuff thrown at them, like to punish them for petty theft or something. Using a set for kinky sex would be exciting, especially since all holes are available (scuse crudeness) and you can also be spanked. But yeah, you'd have to really trust the person you were using something like that with.
candycane_girl
Thanks garlic, sometimes my mind just goes blank when it comes to certain words.

Anyhoo, I finally blogged a bit about my experience as a demo bottom in the g spot class at the bdsm convention. So for anyone who's interested here it is!
girltrouble
yay candy!!!! that's awesome! can't wait to read it!

sorry i never posted about that weekend in my blog... i've just been running myself into the ground lately. too much to do...sad.gif

i dunno i say i'm kinky, but i am just as quick to say i'm into bdsm. to me, it's caught up with identity politics. it's like saying you're curious when you know you're gay. the way to dispell stigma is to say that you're part of the stigmatized group, not to deny it. but everything has some political tinge to it with me.

that said, i rarely talk about kink with people i don't trust. there is a girl who talks about having a sex slave, and fisting, etc, and i playfully call her dirty bird. but nothing she talks about is shocking to me, but i play along. i love cultivating a semi innocent persona. the funny thing is one of the other girls used to be a pro domme, and we have been talking about starting a bdsm equipment company once we are a bit more established in welding. i'm sitting around durring work, looking at all the things we use to weld stuff, and i am imagining all sorts of kinky gadgets and devices i can make just modifying what's around...

add to that daddy and i were looking around the internets and found some old ironwork furnature, and it occured to me to combine the two... should be fun when it gets off the ground.

LoveMyPugs
Damnit Candy!!! I was reading all your sexy, hot posts on your blog and now I'm late for school.

Fuck, Shit, Piss!!!

*fans self with hand*

*smile*
candycane_girl
haha, thanks ladies. I love feedback, I've got over 3000 hits on my stat counter and yet I rarely get any comments! There's quite a bit more to come, I'm just already getting busy with school plus I'm trying to stretch it out a bit.

gt, I love that idea of a semi innocent persona. Sometimes I feel like I'm quite innocent anyway but it's kind of weird. On one hand I can be really innocent, on the other hand...not so much. rolleyes.gif
p_176
maybe we're a little behind (no pun intended) but my guy just discovered the joys of his belt on my ass....
phobia
QUOTE
the way to dispell stigma is to say that you're part of the stigmatized group, not to deny it. but everything has some political tinge to it with me.


OMG, totally. I completely agree, and that stigma thing is what I was trying to get at in my response to Pugs. The more people who stand up and go "actually, it's not sick, I don't need cured, it's lots of fun, and you can go suck it," the better! I too can be overly political at times, but you know, it'd be a funny ol world if we were all the same, and that's who I am, so meh.

I think whichever word you use definitely depends on context, though. I definitely do like "kink" to describe, well, everyone who's not, ya know, mainstream, but use BDSM when talking about my, particular, kinks. I guess it comes down to I want to be inclusive of everyone with a slightly bent sexuality because it's hard to be different. All I can control is how I act, so I want to be inclusive.

No good kinky stories -- out of town all week, and last weekend was spent arguing sad.gif Hopefully tonight. We'll have to see... Ooh, the suspense is killing me!
LoveMyPugs
deleted
girltrouble
pugs, there are plenty of reasons relationships don't always go smoothly. simply because one has entered into a d/s relationship doesn't mean everything will be sunshiny, just like being in love is no guarentee that you will be happy. before daddy and i started this new phase of our relationship, we were no less d/s (although much more bdsm), but fought like cats n dogs. trust me. i've found out the hard way. we had to break up and not date each other a year before we could work it out. it could be there are underlying issues, that have nothing, or everything to do with d/s or s/m. sometimes it's just chemistry, sometimes it's differences in kink concepts, sometimes one just doesn't feel like is getting what you need in terms of kink, or outside of kink. if things are going good, thank your lucky stars, and keep your fingers crossed. some people, (like me), think maintaining kink relationships are more difficult than vanilla. and i think i've been very fortunate in my relationships.

that said, even though i am a advise queen and can't keep my own big mouth shut, and fret over everyone who posts in this thread (and i do), keep in mind that how things come across in threads may be very different than how they are irl. if every time i post about say, saline inflation play, online it may seem like that's all i do, and that i do it constantly, when in reality, i may do it once every two months, or less, but online all my posts get smooshed together, or SI play may squick you so those posts stand out. one thing it's taken me years to figure out is that the only two people who know if a relationship works are the two people in it. but that doesn't mean we shouldn't worry. honestly, phobia i worry about things with you and your SO too. do be careful. take care of yourself. and if it doesn't feel right, it's not.

right now one of my best friends is having a really hard time with the idea of daddy and i being back together. she insists that the relationship wasn't healthy before. and on that count i agree. but she doesn't think what we have now can be healthy, and i can't even talk about daddy or my relationship around her anymore. which is sad, because she was one of the few confidants that i have. irl, i don't like talking about my relationships (or even myself) much. she knew i was kinky, before i met daddy, so she doesn't have issues with that. the problem was i said things about our relationship, that she only caught the surface of. so she looks at what i told her and thinks she knows everything, but she only sees the tip of the iceburg. what she doesn't see-- what she doesn't know-- is that if anything, daddy agrees with many of the problems she sees with our relationship, and pushes to make them less so, while i try to keep them. if anything, i'm the villian of the story. not daddy. but she blames daddy. things turn out to look much different when you see the details sometimes. sometimes not.
phobia
Thanks, GT, that was a much more measured response than I'm really able to give.

Items.
1. We weren't arguing about anything relating to kink, just FYI.
2. As I've said elsewhere, we've been together 10 years and some problems crop up from time to time in long term relationships. Sometimes you stay mad for longer than a couple minutes. Sometimes you need to not be around each other long enough to cool down so that you're able to talk things through.
3. Asking someone if they've achieved "enlightenment" like you have is offensive.
4. Well, we do argue a lot, I guess, compared to some people. But our arguments don't last that long and aren't about anything very much. As someone recently mentioned to me, if your biggest relationship problem is that he won't put the dishes in the dishwasher or doesn't feel like going out with your friends sometimes, you're in pretty good shape. My boyfriend and I, for instance, have never stopped having sex for several years. We don't argue about money, our Big Discussions about sex are not arguments, we don't argue about whether to have kids, we don't argue about any of that "big stuff" that you hear about.
5. I'm glad that Pugs and Mr Pugs found a relationship style that worked for them. That kind of relationship wouldn't work for us. Assuming that what works/doesn't work for you applies to everyone else is extremely fallacious. And again, assuming that what you've got is "enlightenment" that other people should strive for is extremely offensive. We've done what works for us for the past 10 years, and have a much better relationship than most people I know.
LoveMyPugs
deleted
candycane_girl
Hey ladies! I just wanted to let you all know that I finally wrote about my first flogging. My blog is now linked in my signature so you can just check it out there.

I sent it to Jefferson before "publishing" just to see what he thought of it. He said it was pretty intense. smile.gif
candycane_girl
what, did I kill the thread or something?

Surely some of the Busties are getting some kind of BDSM action that they want to talk about!
p_176
boy broke out the belt and the handcuffs over the weekend....got my ass warmed a bit....also spanked my nipples a little with the belt then put his mouth on me....but told me not to come yet....mmmm.
dayglowpink
I know, is it just me, or have things been reeeeaaaallllyyy slow around this forum recently? I had a pretty good quickie the other morning before work that involved my boy smacking me harder than he ever has, and it was awesome. I think he gets a little intimidated to hit me as hard as I want, even though he's into it, too. This time he was letting loose, and I finally had the feeling that I might not be able to take the pain, a feeling I really like.
phobia
Dayglow -- yeah, it is slow. I think Pugs and I killed it with our bad vibes sad.gif

As far as kinky fun lately, eh, work has been so out of control that all I want to do in my bed is sleep!! My boyfriend also just found out that his small recording studio has a new project lined up, so now I'll be seeing even less of him. Boo! But it's good because it pays and will go on his resume. Last weekend we got up to some fun with (duh!) lots of nipple fun. We're definitely going to have to do something different than the clamps we have now -- they just don't fit on my fat nipples. Yeesh, I've got fat NIPPLES now?! WTF? Actually I figure it's just from the jewlery thru them. The tweezer style look like they have more range. I'd like to try the clover ones but I'm just not sure how/if they'd work over top of the rings. Sigh. Hopefully tonight we'll get to see each other and have fun, even though I'm bleeding. We can work around it!!
lananans
I bought my boyfriend some handcuffs for his birthday. We've only used them once so far, but I'm hoping to use them once we get back from our respective homes and the Thanksgiving weekend. At least it gives me something to think about until then...
girltrouble
clover clamps do work with nipple rings, think about your ring as just a line thru your nipple and attach apropreately.

a friend just brought over a poster that she said is causing a huge flap in SF right now. it's for the folsom street fair (a leather event) here it is:

i just don't get it... who could object to jesus being a black leatherman?!?
phobia
GT -- thanks, I'll look into them. No harm in owning several sets of nipple clamps, right?!

I saw that Folsom flak -- the Stranger blog has been following it (I'm sure you can skip Dan Savage's posts ont he topic biggrin.gif).

Also, my bf peeking over my shoulder said "what's their problem -- they worship a masochist zombie god after all!" Heh. He is cute, that one...
candycane_girl
Ahhh, nipple clamps. I think I would be way too sensitive for those! I don't mind having my nips squeezed a little but that's about all I can take.

I don't have any real kinky stuff to report except that I've seen a new guy twice now and I now have a big bruise near my neck from all of his biting. tongue.gif
phobia
Mmm....I love biting!

I will hopefully have lots of kinky fun to report after tonite, since I'm no longer sick or out of town, and my boyfriend and I are actually available at the same time! Amazing, I know! We also have Secretary from Net Flix, so maybe that will inspire us later this week.

I dunno about you guys, but I find weeknight sex to be really difficult to arrange. I always feel like there's not really enough time because I have to go to bed because I have to get up and go to work, you know? Especially on nights when one of us is working late. Sigh.
culturehandy
*delurks*

Soooo, I've been reading in here a while, and I've been a little shy to post. Yes, it's true.

anyways, I've had to say that I love love love being bitten, I love it when there are bruises left over. A friend of mine is really into rough sex, kink, and we are going the route of harder core BDSM. Two weeks ago we got together, and the sex was astounding. I'm also lucky that my dom stops and reminds that ifthings go too far, to use our code word...

And I bought a whip today.

*relurks*
LoveMyPugs
As I asked in the What Name for a Violent Act? thread what should you do if you are tied up and gagged during a scene and you want things to stop. You can't very well say your safeword if you are gagged and you can't make a hand signal if you are tied up. What do you do? I want to set something up like this just in case this every happens to Mr. Pug and I!!! Kinda freaks me out that I never thought of something like this before.

GT - safewords and safeplay are your area of expertise IMO. What can be done in this situation?
girltrouble
welll pugs, there are a couple of things, you could have a motion, or hand signal (like crossing your fingers), you can also hold on to something like a super ball, or a hankie. instead of saying the safe word, you'd drop the object...or you can have something that makes noise, dog clickers, bicycle bells etc.

culture phone, the unoffical rule that i just made up for this thread is that if you purchase a whip, you can't lurk anymore... you have to post wink.gif

_octinoxate
GT, i fuckin' love you. and i second your command about CH sharing now that she has a whip smile.gif

ok, i'm back to lurking (which i'm still allowed to do as i do not in fact own any whips smile.gif ). rock on, ladies!
girltrouble
lol... thanks octi,

i also remembered what you can do is have your dom/me (mr pugs) use a knot that will untie with a pull, and have him put the end in your hand. (think of the knots you use to tie your shoe) if you panic, then you can untie yourself.

do remember that you NEVER leave someone tied up alone or unsupervised. a lawyer friend of mine who does work for the bdsm community was just talking about a case where a guy in SF did heavy bondage one someone-- full rubber mumification-- and the straw fell out of his mouth. the sub suffocated to death.

if i can suggest something? saran wrap is a great everyday bondage tool. the key is to wrap each body part (like each arm, each leg, torso) separately then all over. it's very hard to get out of. be sure to have scissors handy.

but i wouldn't recommend mummification (so nothing above the neck, and no ball gags the first time) unless you know what you are doing (see the above for reasons why.)
LoveMyPugs
gt - the dog clickers idea is a good one. i never would have thought of that. mr. pug and i have have these long straps of velcro that we bought at the hardward store. we run them under the mattress. so far, for us, we've only used them and they hold well in the beginning but once we start really moving they loosen and sometimes come off anyway. you've read our posts and we aren't into the very heavy bondage aspect of bdsm as we are into the mental aspect of Master/slave I guess you could call it, although he doesn't call me his slave. i also really like being spanked as you know so we do that a lot.

part of the fun for us is the me doing what he wants on my own without restraints. even when he is spanking me and i am fighting him, after a while it dongs on me that the more i struggle the more i get hit and if i just lay still and take it he'll stop (not that i always want him to stop wink.gif ). sometimes it's fun for us and other times its more serious. last night for example when i was walking down the stairs to start dinner i gave him the finger just playing. he walked up behind me and grabbed my wrist and kinda pushed me into the bedroom onto the bed. i didn't really notice that he had his belt in his hand when i gave him the finger in the first place. i was trying to roll away while he was hitting me and i was kicking my feet back and covering my ass and he lit my fingers up one time and then i just laid there. afterwards he went to get up and go get his shower and i pulled him down to kiss him for a bit. later on that night he gave me a great orgasm. my ass is still a little sore today.
culturehandy
Okay, I'll post.

I've not had the opportunity to use the whip. Yet. But I'd like it to be used on me and I'd like to use it on someone.

I've always been more into the role of the bottom. I like being humiliated and degraded during sex. It's only been recently that I've started to explore heavier bondage with a man. Good thing about this situation is I've known him for seven-and-a-half years. I trust him with my life. I know he would not hurt me and we both have comfort levels. On the last instance when we were fucking (the time he stopped to remind me of our code word and to use it if I had to, and to ensure I was alright so far), I wanted hands around neck, he started very low around me neck, closer to my collar bone, and did not move up at all until I took his hands and did so. Even then he only used one hand instead of the two he started off with.

There are some men I'd prefer to be the top with though. My friend being one them. He's one of the people I'd like to switch roles with.

I actually would not feel comfortable with a ball gag at all. I like to vocalize and if things to go beyond my comfort level, I need to vocalize, simply because of a top that doesn't read well, or an inexperienced top, etc.

I also picked up a book about SM, it's called On The Safe Edge, and it goes over absolutely everything that has to do with SM. I do mean everything.

Once I use my whip, I'll let you know.

LoveMyPugs
ch - years ago mr. pug and i bought a whip. we actually bought it for me to use. it was so small and doesn't pack any kind of punch at all. i used to hold back a lot during sex. especially while on top. we bought it for me to hold while being on top. i have to admit that it is empowering but it just never felt like it was for me. years later we both realized that the wrong person was using the whip. serious floggers intimidate me. mr. pug's belt works just perfect for us. it's at his disposal anytime he wants it. when we are out and about in public or with friends and i push his buttons he'll just grab his belt and smile at me. makes me giggle.
phobia
Hm, I think a whip might be fun. I like sharp intense pain sometimes. But CH, please be careful with his hands around your neck... there's nerves and blood vessels in that area, and if you put pressure on them wrong, you could end up brain damaged or dead! If you're interested in what is called "breath play," a more safe way is for him to put his hand over your mouth/nose area, rather than your neck. You still get your breath restricted but without the danger! Plus, it's super fun to yell and scream into his hand, IMO. It's kind of like being gagged without being gagged. Because I, well, I gag when I have stuff in my mouth. I can't even usually hold something in my mouth for a minute while I do other stuff, you know how sometimes you'll hang onto your pen or something? Yeah, that makes me gag. Urgh. Penises aren't too bad now that I've figured out the hand-around-the-base trick.

Pugs -- good to see you're back! Sometimes you need a break, it's true. I left the lounge for a couple years before coming back recently. So no worries.

I'm interested in the plastic wrap, too...hmmmm....
culturehandy
Phobia, thank you for the wisdom, we are very careful, I'm not struggling to breath, it's more the placement of hands that is there for the excitment. I never thought about hands over mouth and nose though.
phobia
PS -- Happy birthday CH -- maybe you can use your whip as your birthday gift with your special friend??? biggrin.gif Keep us posted!
culturehandy
thanks phobia. I'm hoping for whip action, I'm also fucking a cop. I love being a bottom with a cop. I'd also like to be the top. Anways....is it getting warm in here? *fans self*
This is a "lo-fi" version of our main content. To view the full version with more information, formatting and images, please click here.
Invision Power Board © 2001-2014 Invision Power Services, Inc.