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candycane_girl
Yeah, it's the actual health risks that make me wonder about it. I know that at some point Dan Savage had a guest columnist or someone to explore how dangerous it is to actually ingest human waste.
LoveMyPugs
video just hit a nerve in me or something. ewww. i guess you are all right. but still, ewwww.....
culturehandy
I can see how someone would see injesting human waste as the ultimate in degredation. How many people actually want to injest feces, I'm not too sure. I understand that is the nature of fetishes and so forth. We are taught from a young age, and as we grow, that anything related to poop is a bad thing, not bad in terms of evilness, but bad that it can cause some harm to your body, we are thinking of this from a logical scientific view point. a fetish is a part of who you are, in the DSM sadism and msochism are listed as psychiatric disorders, at least they were in the DSM-III, or an earlier addidtion. I'm not too sure if they are in the current edition.
tesao
p 176 and grrltrouble (crushing right backatcha!): too right you are! from a public health perspective, bad idea! only time i can think that it would be "okay" for me would be if i was on a frozen mountain top dying. then all bets are off. you do what you have to, to survive.

confidential to pugs: i don't want to be judgemental....but personally? ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
unsure.gif
LoveMyPugs
Flogging busties will appreciate this one.

Momma is Santa!!!!
northpole
(waves at Tes! woot!)

Fetishes are a funny thing: there are all kinds as we've seen, and the scale where one falls on the "ickiness factor" is of course individual.

Scat holds no interest for me. Neither do watersports, although I've had a woman pee on me while we were hugging in the shower. That didn't gross me out, but it wasn't a sexual turn-on for me either.

Some people really enjoy having their partner pee in their mouths -- others will allow their partners to pee anywhere EXCEPT on their face/in their mouth.

I'm sure at some point in time, anal sex was discussed amongst intellectuals as being a fetish, and it was debated by some that it's not possible for someone to enjoy that without being either (a) deeply disturbed, or (cool.gif whacked out of their gourd on absinthe. Now, however, the taboo factor is largely removed, but that still doesn't mean that it is for everyone.

As for the health risks, yes they exist, and as others have said, participants must know the risks before engaging. But let's not forget that there are risks with vagina/penis unprotected sex, oral sex, and even kissing to some degree (e.g. herpes). Same deal exists: participants must know the risks.

We could also discuss such things as bestiality, deep-throating until the giver vomits, infantilism, sex with 'little people' (formerly referred to as midgets), sex with amputees, etc etc etc.

For me, one of my fetishes are red-painted finger and toe nails! Yup, quite tame as far as fetishes go, but WOW! I don't know why, but that just gets me H-O-T!
opheliathemuse
this entirely unrelated to fetishes. But I am longing for someone I can play with..

Argh. Want. Now. No patience. Is worst fault. Argh.
stargazer
pugs, i kept thinking of divine's scene in polyester where she was eatin' poop.

the whole scattin', golden showers, etc seems like another form of being humiliated in the BDSM sense. the whole eating poop thing sounds like a form of pica.

didn't we have a thread for sexual quirks?

CH, yes, there are diagnoses for sadism, fetishes etc in the dsm-iv. pretty controversal. my take would be that it would have to have some kind of severe impact on your everyday functioning...more along the lines of sex addiction. but, tis me.
auralpoison
While coprophagia is technically a form of pica, I really wouldn't compare the two too closely. Pica may be a desire to eat non-nutritive substances, but there are generally no psycho-sexual implications involved. People with pica (Most commonly pregnant women & small children, particularly children with developmental issues.) are often iron deficiency anemic/biochemically deficient. They aren't consuming the waste as a form of humiliation/pleasure, Mistress/Master aren't calling the shots; it's more of a compulsion.

Fetsishes frequently develop at a young age. It makes me wonder about the commercial where the kid says, "I play with my poops in the toilet." Eventually that kid's gonna pack up his, ahem, *shit*, move to Germany & become a Scheise superstar!
candycane_girl
What is pica?
tesao
candy cane:succinctly, pica is a desire to eat non-nutritive substances, as AP states.

stargazer: i too keep thinking of divine -- but in pink flamingos!

aural -- girl, i agree with you 100%. you rock.
girltrouble
postx2
girltrouble
meh, i've never been a fan of the dsm, yeah i get what it's for, but in many ways it stigmatizes people who are a bit different (i.e. the lgbt community, although gays and lesbians have been out of the book for sometime, trans folk-- like myself, obvioulsly, are not.)
stargazer
that's the movie tesao!! thanks.
Le' Watcher
My boyfriend has a pee fetish, he likes it when i pee on him when were having sex. He tottaly eased me into it, we started by me peeing on him in the shower. I dont really get it? I asked him how in the hell he discoverd he liked it and he said it started when he was young, but he didnt elaborate. I do it because it turns me on to see him turned on, and i dont pee liters just a couple squirts ( lol..that sounds bad i know). The thing is, when i analyz it, i really do think it degrating, i would never ever ever allow him to pee on me ever!!! No matter how much it turned him on to do so!! I would do anthing for love.....but i sure as hell will never do....THAT!
stargazer
le'watcher...so in the words of meatloaf..."i would do anything for love, but i won't do THAT..."
Le' Watcher
Yes!! Exacto mundo!! I understand Meatloaf wonderfully now...i wonder if his chic wanted him to crap in his mouth???
p_176
well, away from the poop discussion....
my guy and i are on a kick where i can't come until he says i can. it's pretty hot, when you're going from position to position...then the orgasm flows from head to toe...
dayglowpink
Has anyone read "The Story of Eye"? I read it years ago, but if I remember correctly there is a scene where one of the partners shits in the other one's mouth and they swallow it. There was something about reading that scene that gave me a little bit more of an understanding of this kind of play which obviously does feel very extreme and even repulsive to many people. In the book, it felt like the desire to do this originated from a desire to completely possess and experience everything about the other person, because the feelings of love and desire were so intense. I'll have to go back and find it to see if it still has the same effect on me.

Somewhat on topic, a friend of mine told me a story about a friend of his who was fucking his girlfriend, and when she came it was so strong and overpowering for her that she pushed out a shit cause she was bearing down and lost control of her bowels, I guess. They were not into scat play or anything, but the dude told my friend it was one of the hottest things he had ever seen, because it was so intense for her.

Completely off topic, I'm in the library right now, and as I was typing the part about the person taking a shit, someone I work with came over to say hi, and started commenting on how nice my computer was and looking at it! Eek! I sorta leaned forward casually and immediately changed the subject!
opheliathemuse
ok, sorry dayglow but the person looking at your computer has me giggling...
<3

I swear. I WILL re-enter this thread before I am 45.


eta:

Has anyone been broken before? Is anyone in the process of it?
Mental domination fascinates me...


very sad. No bdsm for ophelia. sadness in the state of denmark. I keep editing this post in hopes I will eventually get some, but alas, no. Never. Perhaps late next year the gods will have pity. sigh.
bigsy
Hi everyone, I've been lurking in this thread for a looong time and I've decided to surface. I'm in a D/s relationship with a man that I love very much and we keep exploring and exploring and exploring...

QUOTE(opheliathemuse @ Dec 4 2007, 12:56 AM) *
Has anyone been broken before? Is anyone in the process of it?
Mental domination fascinates me...

Ok, my partner has said that he wants to do this to me. I couldn't tell if it was just in-the-heat-of-passion talk or something serious. More importantly, what do you think he means?
culturehandy
I'd be careful about wanting to actually be psychologically broken. Serious psychological harm can occur, it's one thing to be "broken" when you are playing. the mind is a curious thing, and leaping into the unknown...

I'd have a more serious conversation with the man before you went deeper into this.

On another note, my top is teasing me, it's a slow torture! It's part of our game.
bigsy
Heh, I asked what he meant and it's more of a "I want to you to totally submit to me" thing than "I want you to suffer a psychotic break" thing. Anyway, in the heat of the moment, it was really hot.
culturehandy
Ahhhh, that makes more sense! Totally submitting to someone is hot.

I think I'd be a wee bit concerned if someone said they wanted to psychologically break (and/or) destroy me, I'd be a little creeped out and wonder...
opheliathemuse
Yes, no I didn't really mean like, oooh I want him to break me down psychologically. I meant more like being tamed kind of.

I'm getting quite into writing diryt lit; it's fun!
sexysandee
I think that I would really love for a man to take control of me. It seems really hot to me; I always thought that something was wrong with me that I wanted to be taken in such a rough manner, but now that I am older I see that it is okay.....after all we are two consenting adults.

wub.gif I am so going to tell my man to do this to me..... I don't know why I have waited so long.

if I even decide to sleep with my long-distance man, see the long distance relationship thread if you want to read about that situation.
opheliathemuse
/smiles blissfully

I re-enter the thread a happily bruised woman.
mornington
okies. so. new boy (hence refered to as The Swede) is into his bdsm. it's cool, as I am too (it's always been something I'm curious about, so I'm taking this chance to explore. he's sweet about it). But... ok. problems. He wants me to dominate him - which I can't do purely physically (apart from anything, I'm a good foot shorter than him)... so have you got any tips on how to get started? 'cos I have no clue. It seems I tend towards being submissive more easily.

And... he's only had one other partner (apparently people run a mile when they realise that he likes tying girls to his bed and spanking them) so in terms of actual sex he's pretty inexperienced (from some of his reactions to me, she was hardly comunicative). Basically, he's only once gone down on someone... has anyone got any suggestions as to how to - well - break him into that, possibly while incorporating it into our play (as I think that would make it easier for him). He's at once willing and icked out by it (mind you, she thought it was disgusting, so the idea that someone might actually enjoy it is wholly alien to him)

and now i'm going to nurse my bruises. *happy sigh*

opheliathemuse
mornington-

sweets! All those errands? Dress up to the 10s and take him out, no warning. Treat him politely, but inform him he will be helping you with your shopping. Take control of the situation, from car ride to shopping. He opens doors, he fetches you what you need from the list. He drives you if you choose. You go from there.
In the bedroom: stay clothed and you dictate when and how he takes his clothing off. Try keeping him in his socks to maximize humiliation if that's his kick. If you have toys or objects, use them on him. Do not let him touch you. Only touch him until the last possible moment. And only let him remove your clothing when you say so. I recommend a skirt with no underwear.
opheliathemuse
QUOTE(opheliathemuse @ Dec 24 2007, 03:02 AM) *
mornington-

sweets! All those errands? Dress up to the 10s and take him out, no warning. Treat him politely, but inform him he will be helping you with your shopping. Take control of the situation, from car ride to shopping. He opens doors, he fetches you what you need from the list. He drives you if you choose. You go from there.
In the bedroom: stay clothed and you dictate when and how he takes his clothing off. Try keeping him in his socks to maximize humiliation if that's his kick. If you have toys or objects, use them on him. Do not let him touch you. Only touch him until the last possible moment. And only let him remove your clothing when you say so. I recommend a skirt with no underwear.



ps mornington,

there are a couple of really helpful communities in el jay land, look in those!!
girltrouble

physical power has nothing to do with femdom. even if he's bigger than you, you can still over powering him, but that's not what's needed to be his domina. what you need? two words:confidence and understanding of your power. women have a power over men, if they know it or not. you've already got a head start-- you know he finds you attractive. now you need to have the confidance to use your power... for that you need to think of yourself, and him-- differently. you need to see him as yours:lock, stock and barrel. and you need to see yourself as deserving of nothing but his best, and the tiniest bit of your attention the only currency you need.

so. how do we get there?

for a first exercize, let's try selecting a mask, or rather a persona. think about female architypes. the naughty nurse, the prim school marm, the hot librarian, the babysitter... on and on and on. the point isn't to buy the costume, but to find which role appeals to you, and project yourself into it. that way you don't have to feel embarassed about saying something or acting a certain way. so chose one or two and then picture yourself in that costume, and how you would encounter your swede in a certain situations....

now, some dommes like to yell etc, but i think those dommes don't know their power. the important thing is to know that you can get him turned on whenever you want. playing up your femininty and playing that role is an almost fool proof of learning about your power. here are a couple of things to try outside the bedroom:

1) whisper. in his ear, or just in general, whispering creates intimacy, the object is to get his attention with little effort.
2)touch. not just his hand, but the back of his neck, the small of his back, again get his attention.
3)slow down. one of the sexiest women i ever dated made a phrase we all use, uh-huh, the most irresistable reply just by slowing it down. think about having your favorite food. how do you eat it? chances are you slow down and savor it. it's that savoring, enjoying something completely is what you are after in your interaction with your sub.

now that we've got some things to explore, we need to get to confidence. ophella has got the idea. you need to think of yourself differently. you have to see yourself as the sub wants to see you. as his owner. as the one he wants to please. think about how pugs talks about her mr. what makes her happy is making him happy. that's what your boy wants from you. but where pugs loves the mr's masculinity, the boy loves your femininty. your purring in his ear, your seductive self, that teases him. that self of you that keeps him wanting more. remember you are the focus. he's your plaything. your fun comes with your playing with him. giving him a hard time for what he wants....

good luck chickie! don't forget to post your results....
stargazer
O, i'm awaiting the sinful details of your most recent portions. wink.gif
opheliathemuse
...teehee...where did I go?
stargazer
O, a christmas miracle indeed!

although, not sure if the baby jesus would like to be associated with such dirty deeds... laugh.gif
mornington
gt, I did know that I don't have to limit myself to pure physical power, but his suggestions have all centered around the physical (tying him up, for example) I end up scratching my head for something to do. It's just something I've never really thought about practically ('cos these things just don't come up in fantasies). We're hanging out this weekend, so I'll tell all. Mostly. wink.gif

Ophelia, I blush! and writhe with jealously. lucky, lucky girl. and fankoo for the tips, I shall be on el jay as soon as my interwebs are constant. But I do have some ideas now. And new underroos... mm, corsetry.
stargazer
mornington, it sounds like he likes to be physically restricted. there are physical things one can do to have him fulfill his submissive role. shoe worship while his hands are tied behind his back. or, picking items up with his mouth with his hands bound so that he has to crawl around. there is lots to be done and you can get creative with it. he can also serve you in other ways. maybe he can be open to being restricted without the physical restraints. OR, the physical restraints can be used if he is not a good slave. have fun! use safe words too.

i'm sure gt has more to say. but i agree, that a combination of mental and physical aspects are involved in sex play. *sigh* i look forward, as usual, to reading all of the good fun.
LoveMyPugs
I got a little mouthy with Mr. pug yesterday. I must have looked him in the eye the wrong way cause he promptly picked up a metal spatula off the kitchen counter, spun me around, bent me over the sink, pulled up my nightgown and whipped me hard with it three times across my ass. Fuck did it sting, brought tears to my eyes. I wish he wouldn't have stopped because I could have stood much more. I really liked the fact that I was already bent over and he forced me to bend over more. Then the humiliation of having him pull my nightgown up and feeling him get into his stance to bring that spatula down on my ass. It was great.

Anytime he hits me I get so freaking giggly. I feel stupid and sometimes ashamed at wanting to be spanked. I know that my minds way of dealing with the awkwardness is to giggle. Will I ever be at peace with myself? Will my mind ever just submit to being a submissive? It always feels like there is some "spy" looking in the window who is going to see us and run and tell the world that I like be spanked. Some of my friends know and they don't care. Why do I have such issues with it internally?

Also, do any subs in here every feel themselves "bratting out" on purpose to get a reaction from their doms? I feel myself do this often, when it's been a while since he's flexed his dominant hand. When I’m feeling all emotional inside and I need to "get it out" somehow. Seems like the hard whacking of some implement across my ass just brings me back to sanity.

I find myself lying in bed at night unable to fall asleep and dreaming about Mr. pug strapping me down and just whipping me till I’m black and blue. I get so turned on thinking of him ignoring my pleas and cries and just continuing to spank me. Usually it's with his belt. A thick black leather belt being swished through his belt loops. Him wrapping it around his hand telling me what a bad girl I’ve been, lecturing me between smacks. It gets me wet just thinking of it. It’s become this nightly ritual with me to think of this and I just drift off to sleep.

Sometimes I dream of being up on a huge stage, strapped to a bench, bent over in some unnatural position, naked, tied with rope and being whipped repeatedly with a belt while there is a whole room of people watching Mr. pug punish me.

I’m a total spanko. Does anyone ever wonder why they like what they like? I wonder. My parents spanked me growing up, always with my pants up and never in front of people. Seems strange that I take it to such a kinky place in my adult mind. Always perplexes me.

Well, I’ve been droning on.

Goodnight
dayglowpink
I think about it too, Pugs. My boy and I have talked about it a few times. I come from a family in which there was very little affection expressed, and everyone is very standoffish with each other. I think I cut off a lot of my feelings and needs since I wasn't getting them met. I have a hard time experiencing happiness and pleasure. My boy suggested that maybe the intensity of the sensations of being spanked and hit allows me to have feelings that I would normally cut myself off from. I think that's part of why I got into piercings and tattoos when I was younger, too. It's all really complicated, though. There's never one reason why things are a certain way but a lot of reasons that interact kind of like a web.
culturehandy
I've thought about why I like what I do, and I just think that it is a part of who I am. I came from a very loving family, yet I love being degraded and humiliated.

While my parents are divorced, my father was always in the picture. I have a fetish for older men. My last few partners have been 10 - 12 years older than me. In their 30's at least.

I just accept it, but I do wonder about things.

I saw my top tonight, but nothing much transpired as we were in public, there was light teasing in a best buy and I gave him a quick suck in my car. But no bruising. Yet. Perhaps tomorrow evening.
opheliathemuse
I wonder about it too. hmmm.

Not that I have scads of exp, but: I think it has to do with the need to calm myself down. Does that make sense? If anyone else has the propensity towards anxiety like I do, they will understand how things make the heart beat more quickly than they seem to in other people. I simply get more worked up. bdsm seems to allow me to feel that high for prolonged periods--that fight or flight feeling without truly being in danger.

I was not punished often as a child and didn't create mischief. Maybe I like knowing the Dominant/Top is punishing me for the things I got away with. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

My enjoyment of punishment does come from being told what I have done wrong because I like parameters, as well as simply connecting the pain to the pleasure. I do however enjoy pleasing so much that if being punished is my job then I will do it.

I enjoy knowing I've done well.

I have never enjoyed being touched without my permission, eg extraneous hugs and so forth have always seemed...odd to me. Has nothing to do with my family. I communicate sexually better than empathetically. To touch someone on that level regularly I must know them very well.
I do enjoy being petted and caressed as a pleasurable antiphony to the pain. I suppose it is an extension to being owned. My body is my Dominant's to touch and feel.



opheliathemuse
oh my. I think portions are done. I am sad, for many reasons.
LoveMyPugs
WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD!!!

QUOTE(dayglowpink @ Dec 28 2007, 09:10 PM) *
I come from a family in which there was very little affection expressed, and everyone is very standoffish with each other. I think I cut off a lot of my feelings and needs since I wasn't getting them met. I have a hard time experiencing happiness and pleasure. My boy suggested that maybe the intensity of the sensations of being spanked and hit allows me to have feelings that I would normally cut myself off from. It's all really complicated, though. There's never one reason why things are a certain way but a lot of reasons that interact kind of like a web.


My family was kind of the same way. My father would find any reason not to hug or kiss my sister and me. He rarely told us he loved us. My whole family fought constantly. I don't have nice memories of family trips or happy moments. In fact, I honestly try not to think about my childhood because it makes me sad. The things I do remember are fighting with my mom and her telling me, "When your father gets home..." and then my father coming home and yelling at me. I also remember my father putting a fist to my face telling me to grow up and stop crying all the time. When we did do something "family like" for example going to the beach in the summer it was a huge ordeal getting the car packed, then fighting on the drive down, then everyone was tired and we'd fight some more. It seems like now at this point in my life we fight less often but when we do they are worse. I don't live at home anymore thank God.

I agree that it is a tangled web of past interactions that could lead a person to like what they like sexually. I guess what is hard for me is when I'm trying to enjoy what I like my mind starts to think about why I like it and then I think back to the previously stated interactions with my family and I get sad, angry and/or ashamed which kind of ruins the moment. It's just this constant battle to stay in the moment with Mr. Pug.


QUOTE(culturehandy @ Dec 28 2007, 11:28 PM) *
I came from a very loving family, yet I love being degraded and humiliated.


So I guess it doesn't matter what kind of family you come from. Just another part of the web like dayglowpink said.

QUOTE(opheliathemuse @ Dec 29 2007, 03:39 AM) *
I think it has to do with the need to calm myself down. If anyone else has the propensity towards anxiety like I do, they will understand how things make the heart beat more quickly than they seem to in other people. I simply get more worked up. My enjoyment of punishment does come from being told what I have done wrong because I like parameters, as well as simply connecting the pain to the pleasure. I do however enjoy pleasing so much that if being punished is my job then I will do it.

I enjoy knowing I've done well.

I have never enjoyed being touched without my permission, eg extraneous hugs and so forth have always seemed...odd to me. Has nothing to do with my family. I communicate sexually better than empathetically. To touch someone on that level regularly I must know them very well.
I do enjoy being petted and caressed as a pleasurable antiphony to the pain. I suppose it is an extension to being owned. My body is my Dominant's to touch and feel.


OH, OH, OH, ME TOO!!! I am a very "high strung" person as my family likes to refer to me. I'm always so nervous and stressed all the time. It's been so bad I feel like I might physically get sick at times. I've been on anti-anxiety medication in the past for this very reason. I always feel like I'm the only person like this in the world. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming that's when Mr. Pug spanks me. The immediate turn around in my attitude is astounding. I go from being this scared little basket case of emotions to being this calm, collected, ready to conquer the world woman.

I too don't like hugging just anyone. I hug when I want to hug. Walking into a room and hugging everyone just makes my stomach turn. With Mr. Pug, my way of expressing my feelings towards him is almost always sexual. When most women would go hug their man I lean into his chest and rub my hands along the front of his pants. It's almost like, "I hug everyone but for you I do this because you are special." Does that make sense?

When we are out in public I like to be "below" Mr. Pug. If he's sitting on a chair watching TV I like to sit on the floor at his side. I don't think most people notice this as a D/s situation. A few of our friends know about us and they a fine with it. One of my girlfriends is always telling Mr. Pug that I'm due up for a beating when her and I are joking around and being smart with one another. It actually makes me feel good that she can joke with us about it because it makes me feel accepted.

My biggest fear is failure. I'm terrified that I'm going to let people down. I'm a procrastinator something terrible. I mean it's really bad. Most of the time I sabotage myself and I fail anyway. It's kind of like if I don't try I can't fail but then I do. Then I must start all over again. When I put off projects in school till the last minute I always end up doing fantastic but only after worrying myself sick and getting up at 4 in the morning to catch up. My mom tells me that this is just how I am and I'll always complete things this way. With our lifestyle if Mr. Pug tells me to do something and if I fight him or put it off I get punished. I almost need that in real life.

Do your homework!

No!

*smack*

Okay!!! Okay!!! I'm doing it. lol

Then when it's done I'm very proud of myself that I've pleased him. Like cleaning. I hate to clean the house. I do it regularly now and when Mr. Pug comes home and he compliments me on how nice everything looks I feel like a domestic Goddess. I'm so happy I've made him happy. Curling up to him during these moments I'm like the happy child I never got to be. When he's spanking me and I cry I cry very hard. The he holds me and I can see it hurts him as well. He's like the parent I've never had. Someone who doesn't want me to do badly and wants to see me succeed and do my best. When I'm crying and he holds me it's a special time and place to be in his arms. It's making me tear as I'm typing it. When I do something good he's not expecting and he says "Good girl" to me I want to jump and skip around the room. So for me I think it does have everything to do with my parents, more so my father. I do know this about myself. I am a very sexual person and as long as I have him I will always need Mr. Pug. I lean on him and sometimes worry that I'm a heavy burden. However, being the kind of man he is and being brought up the way he was he tells me all the time that he likes to take care of me and that I really do take care of him just the same. I think this is why we have been together so long. We just fit each other. I have what he needs and he has what I need.

For those of you who got through that post, thanks for reading.
culturehandy
Pugs, very interesting I was thinking about this and I think that part of my SM thing is that my mother, while a very loving person, is a very controlling woman. My father on the other hand, not so much. I think that the control I experienced grouwing up may have had an impact on things. The degredation and humiliation and loving pain, well I have no idea where that came from.
opheliathemuse
Pugs...

Thank you for posting. I too am extremely sexual and have a very hard time understanding the need other people have for constant caressing while I respond sexually. My caresses are given on my terms as well: I prefer to touch others when I want to touch them. If I hug a lover I am always wanting there to be sexual contact too, it is hard for me to lean into the comfort zone of not having that. In fact, I could very well copypaste a lot of what you typed.
I'm a perfectionist and I love doing well too.

Culture, my mother is a very loving, very controlling person too while my dad was a storm we dealt with on a daily basis, although I loved him dearly too. Sort of a horrendous combination.

I think bdsm gives me the structure I so desperately crave in life. I want it to be ordered, I want to be cared for--I want to know it is always always it is there in some capacity.
I simply like pain.

As for degradation, well, I think it feeds into pleasing as well as feelings of guilt.
opheliathemuse
oops. double post.
dayglowpink
QUOTE
I guess what is hard for me is when I'm trying to enjoy what I like my mind starts to think about why I like it and then I think back to the previously stated interactions with my family and I get sad, angry and/or ashamed which kind of ruins the moment. It's just this constant battle to stay in the moment with Mr. Pug.


ME TOO!!!! I have this problem all the time. My boy and I have talked about me liking to be called his good girl. He told me that he originally got the idea from a friend of his who told him that girls who have "daddy issues" tend to like being called that. He tried it out on me (without telling me this at the time, of course), and I loved it. So once he told me about the background of it, I started to think about that when he would say it to me. It can be really frustrating. One technique that I have been using recently is pushing all my attention and awareness down into my body rather than keeping it up in my head. Sometimes I get so stressed out about whether my partner is enjoying things or whether I'm gonna come or whatever that I really don't physically enjoy the experience. That's another way that pain is good for me, because it kind of jolts me back into my body. It's weird to me that I have a hard time enjoying sex sometimes. On a rational level I don't have any hangups about anything sexual, and I don't feel that any kind of sexual expression is wrong or bad (within the limits of consenting adults, of course). But on an emotional level, I think I still have some kind of guilt issues about enjoying sex, and those come up sometimes as well.

I agree so much with what Pugs said. I am also the worst of procrastinators, and I love pleasing people. I am also a very anxious person. It's interesting, huh? Hearing about you and Mr. Pugs' relationship always makes me really happy and sentimental, too. I know you appreciate how rare and amazing it is. My boy can be a good dom for me, and I've really enjoyed exploring that side of things with him, but unfortunately we don't have the kind of fit you describe. I guess this is kind of OT at this point. I've enjoyed reading everyone's posts!
mornington
well, the portions are over. it was nice, but i'm kinda glad as he has some other issues he needs to work through. I gave it a few goes, and it went well once (although it was mostly just talking dirty), but he doesn't seem to know what he wants except "confidence". Which is all well and good, but it doesn't give me much to work with - especially when he told me that he found the idea ophelia came up with not fun - apparently he only wants someone who'll tie him up ("handcuffs are booooring") . Oh, and we has several arguments over me not being willing to wear latex clothes (partly because I do have a sensitivity to the stuff, and partly because I can't afford it).
culturehandy
Seriously, what's the freakin' difference between handcuffs and restraints? Cuffs may hurt a little, but that's only if you are using the metal ones! That strikes me as a little strange.

That's really shitty that he wasn't respecting the fact that you have an allergy to latex, mornington. I know that there are alternatives, but seriously, that's just plain rude. Hey wear the latex baby even though you will be covered in hives. How nice.

mornington
thankfully it's not a full-blown allergy, I just get itchy dry skin. It sucks when it comes to condoms, so I find if i'm having regular (like, daily) sex then I end up doing away with them. Not safe, but if I'm screwing someone that frequently the words "std test" have usually come up in conversation. tbh, what fucked me off more is that he wanted me to try things on in stores, which in the case of corsetry requires the sales assistant to help, and I don't think it's all that nice to then not buy anything.

on the subject of why... I've never really looked at it, but I guess it's probably a control thing; i've always been quite a structured person (although the condition of my house would say otherwise) and, well, I just enjoy being controlled or controlling. I'm not deeply into the lifestyle as you, pugs, it's more of a sex thing (as in I can't really see the point of a spanking or tying someone up if there's no actual sex). I do like contact, although it doesn't have to be sexual - I like to hug, touch, be close to people I feel affection for, and they don't have to be someone I want to screw. That said, I do want people to enjoy themselves - especially during sex; I feel like something is "wrong" if my partner doesn't orgasm - and I'm probably a people pleaser, I like knowing when I've done something good, whether it's in bed or at uni or wherever.
candycane_girl
morn, did he mean tied up as in just get restrained and tied to the bed post or was he expecting some kind of Japanese rope bondage? Cause then there's a difference between being tied up and being handcuffed!
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