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mornington
the second one, cc. i don't know why, as he had a collection of perfectly useable cuffs (nice wide leather ones) and plenty of hooks I could then fix him too. and he was aware that I don't know the first thing about ropes and wasn't about to start learning for a relationship that had been going all of two weeks. I prefer to use cuffs, simply because I'm more confident with them - I've never been good with knots.
tesao
mornington, i've got to agree with you. it sounds to me as if this guy had other issues that he needed to work out that had nothing to do with you.

(i prefer being tied to being cuffed as well, but you know? beggers cannot be choosers, ESPECIALLY when it comes to begging for bdsm!!)
culturehandy
Word Tes.

Soooo in my travels of being a bottom, I have discovered that there is only one man I can absolutely allow to be my full top. It doesn't feel right with anyone else. I still get the degredation bit from the others.

Any thoughts on this?
girltrouble
i'm pretty much the same, culture. extremely selective in who i let top me, and even then, if my trust is violated, my body shuts down. i gradually receive less pleasure from anything they do to me.

dayglo, ophelia, culture and pugs, thanks for those posts down the page abit. all the posts were comforting, and i was amazed at the commonalities amongst the posters.i always feel so alone when it comes to the disconnect between my body and stimuli. being transgendered i've felt disconnected from my body-- (even though it was never the trapped-in-the-wrong-body cliche, it has lessened over the years). i think those were some of the most interesting, revealing posts i've read in some time. thank you, very, very much.
candycane_girl
CH, that definitely makes sense. I couldn't let just some random guy top me, it has to be someone that I like and trust.
culturehandy
See with the gift from the west, I was not into having him be a top at all. Same with the cop, I really don't have an interest in him being my top. I do enjoy the sex, but the only one I really derive pleasure from being a bottom is from my PR boy.

With the others it just seemed odd for them to try and be a top. Perhaps the roll doesn't suit them well, and the PR boy and I know each other well and have had conversations about the same. We don't judge each other at all in that aspect.

(((GT)))
opheliathemuse
It has also been very comforting for me to post, and to read these other accounts, GT.
GT, my body also shuts down if my trust is violated, and I receive less pleasure. Thank you too...
(((GT)))

I have only really had one true top, and he is the one I have posted most recently about. I enjoy submitting to him, I enjoy the exchange.
The other men in my life I may have known better or longer or both but I am generally a dominant woman and it outs itself in bed quite a lot of the time in some way, even if it is topping from the bottom.

mornington, the guy you were seeing sounds like he was not fit to be your top or bottom. I am glad you have moved on, sweetcake. When a partner has an allergy, no matter how light, another respects it.

I would dearly love to find the Pugs' way of life-- I am happy alone but sometimes I think I might be saner? if I had regular portions of play instead of delirious rushes of it and abstinence. Because I am somewhat nymphic and it is slightly dangerous for my well-being when not under lock and key. I do so long to be owned sometimes.

CH, I do know what you mean. Are you a switch? I always thought I was, but I think I am now moving towards full submissiveness.
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(opheliathemuse @ Jan 12 2008, 01:45 AM) *
I would dearly love to find the Pugs' way of life-- I am happy alone but sometimes I think I might be saner? if I had regular portions of play instead of delirious rushes of it and abstinence. Because I am somewhat nymphic and it is slightly dangerous for my well-being when not under lock and key. I do so long to be owned sometimes.


You know having someone 24/7 isn't "the cure". I mean, let me try to explain this right.

Life always gets in the way.

Mr. Pug and I haven't played in some time. Work, school, family and our hobbies all get in the way. I mean come on now. Mr. Pug works all day comes home and is too fucking tired to dominate me. I'm willful and need a heavy hand and he's exhausted from putting up with dirty cars and irritating parts suppliers.

I'm home all day or at school also working, studying, doing homework, cleaning the house, cooking meals and wanting nothing more then to take refuge with him when we finally get home at night.

When he gets home I try to have dinner ready and have the house straightened so that he enters a peaceful environment. I know I sound like a 50's wife and sometimes I like that feeling. But, sometimes, not matter how hard I try he still comes home irritated. It’s always up in the air. If he comes home and is nice and relaxed he’ll either get feisty and want to play or he’ll be so relaxed he just falls asleep on the couch. If he’s feisty sometimes I’m not and when he’s tired I want to jump him. It always seems that we are never on the same page.

Also, there are times when I don't feel like catering to him. I've worked hard and maybe I don't want to have to cook or clean or put out. These are times when he steps up and does the cooking or shit we just order out or step out to eat or the fucking dishes and laundry just don't get done or he settles for a handjob that night instead of sex.

The hardest times are when I need him to dominate me. I mean really dominate me and he's too tired or isn't in the moment. These moments really are hard for me. I feel myself inside twisting and crying out for some play and I "brat" out. I push him and sometimes we fight. It's all because I need his hand on my ass. He understands this.

On new years day he said his new years resolution was to be more consistent with me but it hasn't really happened. AND IT'S NOT HIS FAULT! It's life.

When I'm on my period I'm a crazy nut and he gets angry and frustrated with me. He told me he wants to whip his belt off and beat me black and blue but he knows it’s not “me”. It’s the hormones. He won't hit me in anger because I think he scares himself. This just makes me push harder and he retreats to the computer or closest video game system. I slam doors and lock myself in our bedroom.

We don't make love on a regular basis. I mean it's much more then it's ever been but we have our cold times as well. I think it's been close to two weeks at the moment because he's been working and volunteering for the youth bowling league in our town. I've been dealing with some ongoing family issues with my cousin and her family.

Sometimes, IMO, sitting down and eating dinner together is just as intimate as making love. His kiss goodbye in the morning sets my body on fire daily. That first hug and my hand brushing past his cock when he gets home from work is exhilarating. Us spooning in the middle of the night and him kissing my neck drives me wild. It's these moments that get us through the cold times and keep the coals hot for when we do have time to be in the moment.

I mean I’m not saying we aren’t still having fun in a D/s relationship but I just am trying to relay that it’s 24/7 but not. I’m lucky to have him and I think he’s lucky to have me. We just work hard and look forward to the next time we can have a fuck fest together.

Those Friday nights when we get home from a long day, can put some porn on, get out a toy, tie me up, play with the belt, have fan-fucking-tastic sex, shower together, eat dinner then pass the fuck out watching a movie we both like and have seen 20 million times already. I mean that pretty much sums up our Friday nights for the next 50 years together. Exciting isn’t it? laugh.gif

In summary, I guess I’m just trying to say that it’s still not perfect even in a 24/7 D/s relationship. Life sucks. I’m gonna go shoot myself now. laugh.gif Not funny but is kinda.

Back to the topic at hand, I wish you all would post some more details. Just hearing that you are all blissfully topped drives me wild. Details! Details! *begging like a good girl*
culturehandy
Ophelia, I always thought of myself as a pushy bottom, but now the moreI think about it, I'm not too sure. Again, with the the PR boy, I can be pushy but it gets us both hot. I tried to be a good girl with the cop, but it just didn't do it for me.

Perhaps I am a switch. Hmmm.

aside from that I've got no fucking lately. Le Sigh.
opheliathemuse
Pugs darling! The grass is always greener, hehehe =)
I know it's not all portions and domination all the time. I just mean...it would comfort me to know I have a dominant at all. It puts me in a slightly different mindset, and one that puts me more at ease in the world. Although I am very confident, self-assured, etc alone, I derive a great deal of fulfillment in being topped well. I'm just...an incredibly sexual person. And having access to someone I trusted--since it is very hard for me to trust, would be an incredible boon. And I suppose am not really envying 24/7, although that always has fascinated me for a multitude of reasons, but more the communication that such a relationship requires?
tesao
on my way back from the USA in early december, i was leafing through the South African Airways on board magazine and saw the most outrageous ad....with an amazing platinum (or perhaps white gold) diamond studded collar -- with a key. the collar was literally smoking. the caption was

How far would you go for love?

and the designer was Cartier.

i fell asleep shortly thereafter and forgot all about it until the next day when i was back in mozambique and realized that i had forgotten to take the magazine with me. i tried to find it on-line to no avail. i began to doubt my memory - i mean, that was a pretty risque ad. at the same time, if i hadn't KNOWN what i was looking at, i wouldn't have known.....

so i asked mr. hotbuns to bring me a copy of the magazine. i wasn't wrong.

check this out:


what would you do for love?
minx
Wow! That is a really risque ad! Thanks for sharing, Tessie!

You know, I tried the 24/7 thing, and it just didn't work for me. The Dirty Mick and I still have amazing chemistry in the sack and on the rack, but the energy it takes to do the daily is really draining. Especially when you factor in kids.

I also wanted to add to the discussion about why we like what we like: some people need more/different physical and mental stimulation. For instance, my child is in constant need of soothing her tactile physical over-stimulation. She always walks on her toes as to avoid the stimulation of walking fully on the bottoms of her feet. And when she gets into a bath, she calms down 100%. It's her mini-sensory deprivation tank. And when the mental anxiety takes over, sometimes the tactile responses of our Doms is soothing. It creates a focal point for thoughts and energies and seriously unplugs me.

I've only had a couple sessions with The Dirty Mick over the last three years (I won't trust anyone else but him for this aspect of my life), and both of those times were when everything in life had gotten out-of-hand. And he does look at it as a healing element. Actually, I would recommend to anyone in this thread to read "The Out-of-Synch Child" or "The Spirited Child". It discusses in great detail the neurological/sensory stuff in incredibly interesting manners.

He says to me with a wry smile, "Is it so wrong that I like to hit pretty, little girls?"

Nah. I told him another ten minutes would be awesome. wink.gif
opheliathemuse
minx--

Interesting points! My mind/body stimuli are very much linked in that receiving a physical pain does create a focal point for me. You're exactly right. I will look into those books.
I am kind of a pile of oversensoryness I think.

Tes! Oh wow, I cannot believe they made that AND that ad. That's really neat. Not sure I would wear one on a daily basis, but a very interesting thing to have in the public domain.

Heh. I am so in the sex threads and ...not having any sex either CH.
sexysandee
QUOTE(tesao @ Jan 13 2008, 08:35 AM) *
on my way back from the USA in early december, i was leafing through the South African Airways on board magazine and saw the most outrageous ad....with an amazing platinum (or perhaps white gold) diamond studded collar -- with a key. the collar was literally smoking. the caption was

How far would you go for love?

and the designer was Cartier.

so i asked mr. hotbuns to bring me a copy of the magazine. i wasn't wrong.

check this out:


what would you do for love?


I have that, but it's a bracelet... I haven't seen the collars..... I don't think they make them.... but that would be hot
culturehandy
I like the ad, when it comes to Cartier, I think they could get away with just about anything. It's still very tasteful, not anything that makes you think, WTF is that??

Ophelia, I did get me some lovin' last night. more cop portions. In this situation, I am more the one that has the power and control over what I want, I'll still be a little bit of a bottom, but I get what I want with him.
_octinoxate
[skips into thread]

I'm gonna dominate a boy!

I've been a longtime lurker in here, as I've been finding a wider and wider submissive streak in myself over the last couple years. I really appreciate the frank and thoughtful (and sexy!) discussion that goes on in here.

Little did I realize I'd be running in here all giddy about being the *dominant* one! But this new boy... oh, he wants it, and he is surely going to get it! and i do believe i'm going to have a LOT of fun doing it. (Thanks for the suggestions y'all gave mornington, I'll surely put them to use myself!)
candycane_girl
congrats octi!

I've always wanted to dominate a guy, just have someone do whatever I tell them. I can just picture myself looking all domme-y. But I still like being a bit submissive too.
LoveMyPugs
Damn it!!! I've been wanting to post in here for so long but I just keep getting interrupted mid post.

QUOTE(opheliathemuse @ Jan 12 2008, 09:26 PM) *
Pugs darling! The grass is always greener, hehehe =)
I know it's not all portions and domination all the time. I just mean...it would comfort me to know I have a dominant at all. It puts me in a slightly different mindset, and one that puts me more at ease in the world. Although I am very confident, self-assured, etc alone, I derive a great deal of fulfillment in being topped well. I'm just...an incredibly sexual person. And having access to someone I trusted--since it is very hard for me to trust, would be an incredible boon. And I suppose am not really envying 24/7, although that always has fascinated me for a multitude of reasons, but more the communication that such a relationship requires?


Ophelia - and by no means was I trying to imply that I'm unhappy or bored. I'm very, very happy. Mr. Pug is just wonderful and he works for nothing in this world other then to make me and us happy. I'm very blessed. I'd love for him to dominate me fully but it just won't happen because life gets in the way. I too am an incredibly sexual person. I think about it 24/7. I dream about it all night and get distracted by it all day. In my perfect world Mr. Pug and I would never leave our bedroom. *cursing adult responsibilities* I mean to me being tied down and spanked till I'm black and blue and then being fucked would be heaven. To do that over and over for days at a time...*sigh*

What you said about "the communication that such a relationship requires" is right on. To me that is also very sexy. Being open enough with one another to even share those kinds of needs is very intimate.

When I get overwhelmed Mr. Pug will sit on the side of the bed and make me kneel before him and put my head in his lap. He'll tug at my hair or just rub my head. It does have this strong father / scared daughter aspect to it that could be considered strange by average people. I'm sure a therapist could have a field day with me but I don't care. Something about physically being placed below him takes me to this calm place in my heart and in my mind. If I'm crying it almost instantly stops and I'm breathing calmer and just relaxing through and through. I start to think straight again and come up with a plan in my head to get myself back on track. He is my drug. He is my addiction. Being below him at his side is my place with him. I know he'll never take advantage of me.


QUOTE(minx @ Jan 13 2008, 11:23 AM) *
You know, I tried the 24/7 thing, and it just didn't work for me. The Dirty Mick and I still have amazing chemistry in the sack and on the rack, but the energy it takes to do the daily is really draining. Especially when you factor in kids.

I also wanted to add to the discussion about why we like what we like: some people need more/different physical and mental stimulation. For instance, my child is in constant need of soothing her tactile physical over-stimulation. She always walks on her toes as to avoid the stimulation of walking fully on the bottoms of her feet. And when she gets into a bath, she calms down 100%. It's her mini-sensory deprivation tank. And when the mental anxiety takes over, sometimes the tactile responses of our Doms is soothing. It creates a focal point for thoughts and energies and seriously unplugs me.


Minx - that is one of the things that scares me about having kids one day. Seriously! That the sex and "alone time" will just have to stop. I will miss that very much. How do you two do it?

As far as you physical and mental stimulation comments. I couldn't agree more. Vanilla sex just never was enough for me. My mind wanders during that kind of play. I need pounding, hair pulling and that hard sting of a slap to bring me back to the moment and that warm afterburn to keep me there.
minx
Well, we "don't" officially, Pugs. laugh.gif The Dirty Mick and I only recently hooked once up after about a two-year hiatus, but it didn't take more than five minutes to get back into the groovy. I recently broke up with my partner of nearly two years, and was needing some attention and healing (I have needs, and I don't give a shit if I'm judged by others for having them). The Mick and I scheduled an "appointment" between me having to pick up my child at her donor's home. We'll probably get together again; he's drug and disease free, and is active in the BDSM community up here, and his reputation (to my knowledge) is impeccable.

Back when we were an item (and those were some wild public/private sessions, I'll have you know!!), we used to only engage in our more COLORFUL behaviors on the weekends when she was away. It would be a little awkward having to explain to a child why Mommy's boyfriend is caning her...it's bad enough when she does see bruises. She saw the Mick as a family friend who is very kind and playful with her--nothing more. She does still, on occasion, see him and we do things together, but I honestly cannot conceive of doing the things that we did together with her in the house. She's too curious. I do know some couples that have created dungeons in basements, playrooms if you will, and they lock it when in, and only when the kids are in bed asleep.

It can work...I imagine that it would be a great idea to have babysitters that you can send them off to!

Anyhoo, I don't love the Mick like you love the Mr. I love my former partner like that, and it will take awhile to heal from that, so in the meantime the Mick is a safe outlet for me. I don't feel like dating for relationships right now, but I'm in my prime and the female equivalent of blueballs sucks hardcore. My vibrator is going to file for a restraining order!! So, perhaps me and the Mick will hook up once a month, maybe never again. It matters little, but I know that he's here for me. He's an amazing friend. Actually, the ex was quite jealous of him at times (which made no sense to me because I never strayed--I actually think that it had more to do with the type of sex and activity that we did that fucked with the ex's head).

Whatever. Sorry for the psychobabble.
opheliathemuse
oh oh I was only being kinda silly Pugs =) Your posts have always indicated a level of contentment rare to any kind of couple.

When I get overwhelmed Mr. Pug will sit on the side of the bed and make me kneel before him and put my head in his lap. He'll tug at my hair or just rub my head.

I love being petted like a cat, or just the sort of thing you posted. Hasn't happened much of course, given the nature of my relationships in the past, but I feel that it would be natural to me were I in the zone. I enjoy curling up small and so forth. Since I don't get a lot of touch I trust in general it is very valuable to me when I do.

Minx, was your ex vanilla? Bdsm creates an extra layer of intimacy, and I think sometimes people who do not engage in it think it is the wrong kind...

eta: whine whine whine. want portions!

good for you CH =)

and congrats, octi! Let us know how it goes!!

Someday....I swear I shall re-enter this thread. sniffle.
mouse
*peeks in, tacks picture up on wall*



candycane_girl
lol, that is awesome!
ambersienna maria
laugh.gif hahaha.
cute. I wanna frame and hang it in my kitchen.
opheliathemuse
hahahahah mouse changed her line to jam in with your clam out. Niiiice....<3 you mouse.
minx
OtM, yeah, my ex was vanilla. He got more aggressive as time went on, but I think that it may have been a bit much for him here and there...I remember this one time where we had been drinking margaritas in the kitchen and making food. From out of nowhere, he smacked my ass with a wooden spoon. I was so taken aback and freaked out that I I looked at him, started crying, and ran up to the bathroom to try and calm myself down.

That episode really pissed me off. I mean, I know that you can't predict everyone's reaction to everything...and perhaps he thought that I would find it hot since he knows about my whipme/beatme past. But as a person who is a survivor of sexual and physical abuse, my startle-response is really exaggerated and wacky. He was so surprised about my reaction and quite honestly didn't know what the fuck to make of the situation. I just shake my head now...but I was really upset at the time.

The Dirty Mick always knew how to monitor my reactions to things. Always checked in, always knew that he needed to give me an idea about what was going on (even if it was a small one) so that I didn't freak. I'm starting to get the idea that my current (and very new) partner is much of that same school, which is very fun. He definitely has an alpha streak in him, and is beyond adventurous.

I worry about inexperienced subs going around looking for doms and not knowing what they might come up with. It can be scary out there. And so many doms don't know what the fuck they are doing.

Have you gotten any play lately, gals?
opheliathemuse
Mmmm, lucky you with the new partner Minx!

But I know just what you mean about the exaggerated startle response. The difference between play and real abuse (of any kind) is huge. I've had a (vanilla) partner who triggered that startle response in me regularly even though I trusted him. I think sometimes bdsm mode is for me a safety switch in some respects.

As you say, I worry about subs, but I worry about new doms too. They can be just as tender.

None for me =( You know I'd be posting everywhere if I had gotten any at all.
culturehandy
Minx, I totally understand where you are coming from, if something is unexpected the reaction isn't always going to be a delightful one. I agree that there are inexperienced folks out there, and you NEED to realize what you are getting into. Reading one's body language is extremely important. As a top or a bottom.

I've only been texting my top, he knows what I want, and it's in the work, but making me wait for when it's going to happen is part of the game.

I got fucked by the cop yesterday, he's kicking up the roughness a notch, which is good because I'd love him to play bad cop with me. Man has a thick cock and if he were just to ram it in me and tell me how much I deserve it, le sigh. If he was in unifrm that'd be even better. But, alas, I'm training him.
opheliathemuse
I think this amount of time calls for a hiatus, at least for posting.
LoveMyPugs
Finally had great sex the other night and got a spanking beforehand. It was probably the best one yet. I had to ask him to hit me hard and he did. There is this whole issue with having to ask him for what I want. It’s not even a power trip he puts on me. If he was like, “No, you aren’t getting it until you ask for it.” That would turn me on. This is like, “Honey can you spank me tonight please?” It just sounds too much like, “Honey, can you take the garbage out please?” I can’t think of anything else in the world that makes me feel more awkward then to ask him to spank me while he’s lying there watching TV.

I don’t know what the problem is. I’m not sure if it’s “I’m afraid to hurt her.” or “How many hits does it take?” or “I’m really not into this.” Or “Do I keep doing it even though she is saying no and stop?” I mean we have a safeword. I’ve never even gotten close to using it yet.

(side note)

I thought on position. I think I'd rather stand while being spanked. I don't like lying on my stomach on the bed. I don't think he can get enough swing. Maybe I'll stand slightly bent over next time with my hands bracing me against the wall. What do you all think?

(back to the subject at hand)

Life keeps getting in the way. Mr. Pugs is always tired and now he has a cold. Monday I have class late. Tuesday he bowls late. Wednesday I have class late. Thursday he bowls late and Friday he’s too tired from the week. Saturday we usually have something to do and the last few Sundays we've had things to do as well. This Sunday we are staying home but like I said he is sick. Probably nothing exciting is going to happen this weekend.

Also, I miss ottoman sex badly. We used to fuck something fierce downstairs on our couch and he'd bend me over the ottoman night after night. It was becoming so regular we kept lube in back of the end table just incase.

I just miss him really pushing his dominance on me. I always liked when he'd show me a bit of his dominant side when we were in public. The way he'd tell me to do something and not ask. I brat out so badly trying to get a reaction out of him and it doesn't work. Sometimes I feel like he's got too many things on his mind to think about dominating me. Sometimes I feel like I'm second on his list. It's not his fault. He has to work to pay our bills so that I don’t have to work and can go to school fulltime. He loves his bowling and running the youth league on the weekends. I can't ask him to stop those things to come home and play with me. I just wish he'd devote time to me every night before bed instead of watching a movie or playing video games till he can't keep his eyes open. I go to bed with him every night hoping something might happen and then he just falls asleep. Then I get online and watch porn. Many times I masturbate under the blankets to help myself fall asleep.

Ophelia - if anyone understands I'd think it would be you. You are an incredibly sexual person. I feel rejected constantly when Mr. Pug doesn't want to play. The first thing I question is my appearance. I mean who really wants to spank a fat girl in all honesty. Then I think about dieting then I get depressed.

What is so hard is that having realized that this is what I want sexually from my man and then sharing it with him only to have him do it when I ask for it on rare occasions makes me feel like he's really not into it and he's just doing it to appease me. Makes me second guess having told him in the first place. Sometimes I wish I hadn't discovered this about myself that way I wouldn't want it so much now.

Months ago I just stopped asking and sex kind of stopped like it had before we got into BDSM. I remember one morning we were lying in bed and he asked me if something was wrong and he wanted to know why things had stopped. To be honest I feel that it’s him. I could, would and want to do this every moment of everyday. It’s him. He’s said it himself. Shit, his new years resolution was to be more consistent with me. That hasn’t happened.

He’s going to come in here and read this and be upset. I should erase it but I’m not going to. I hate having to sit down and have these "talks" with him about "Can you please do more?" I figure if he liked it he'd do it but he doesn't. Then I think that maybe he is just really tired from working so hard and I should just back off. I don't know what to do. Sorry to bring down the mood in the thread. I’m just frustrated and confused.
opheliathemuse
Pugs, you're absolutely correct. I do understand where you're coming from, almost creepily completely but then as stargazer would say, I'm an aries wink.gif

I'm so sorry you two are having trouble this way right now. (((the pugs)))
opheliathemuse
oops.
LoveMyPugs
Yeah, I'm just going to back off completely. I think that is best. I'm tired of talking about it. I'm tired of feeling stupid for liking what I like. We'll see what happens. It's probably just me after all. It usually is.
opheliathemuse
Oh Pugs. Don't overthink it. I do that too. It's really easy to get caught up in a circle of bad thoughts and just overanalyze. It's very important to have a calming activity that you can do alone. I think it's highly important to maintain this even if you are not single, btw. Mine is physical activity. I work out and get in the same sort of body-over-mind zone. When I write, something I love, it's far more dangerous because I access emotions that I do not know about and may have lain fallow for years. Choose something that brings your mind in touch with your physical self, even if it is washing crystal by hand--can't daydream while doing that! When I go for a 10 minute walk, things seems so much better.

Pugs, when you are craving Mr. Pugs to assert his dominance over you sexually, -why- do you want that? what is it that you want from the experience? Are you looking for reassurance of his love? Sexual stimulation? Both? Figure out why and you might be on to something.

We both know doms are tender like subs. The key is communication--I refer you to the forums of the bdsm lj communities. There are many questions exactly like this. Many advise approaching it as serving. From what you told me, you have approached the situation in a topping-from-the-bottom way. In fact, your post script is passive aggressive. He's feeling that and reacting to it. Of course your behaviour isn't going to warrant fabulous sex right now. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but if you are submissive, your position is to be an open book to your master, and to serve. You know dear I am not reprimanding you of course, but maybe a change in thinking will assist you to your goal?

Maybe your checklist has changed--go online and print one out again and make sure you both fill it out sometime when you're comfortable.
dayglowpink
I think I have an idea what you're talking about as well, Pugs. I feel like I am always ready for my boy to just grab me and do it to me, and I also will get the idea in my head and then feel rejected and shitty when it doesn't happen. We've talked about it some, and he has told me that while he really likes being dominant to me and loves that kind of play, there are times that he just wants to lay back and have me do everything to him. I can understand where he's coming from, but it is hard for me, because it makes me feel self-conscious. It might actually help me to think of that as serving him like ophelia was saying. From everything else you've written about your relationship, it sounds like this is a slow time where things feel bad but that they will get better again. Worrying and overanalyzing will be the death of me, too! I understand that.
_octinoxate
Hi ladies,

I'm sorry to butt in without any useful input about Pugs's situation and the resulting discussion. (Hang in there, babe.)

I'm hoping someone might be able to direct me to a good resource. I'm having a very good time playing with dominating my new boy, and we really want to use a strap-on. I can't find exactly what we want/need, though: basically, we want something very close to this: http://store.babeland.com/double-dildos/nexus ....but not purple. I guess he can't get into me dominating him with something in a real girly color, or whatever tongue.gif I've looked on babeland and good vibes and nothing *quite* fits the bill. Are there any other good stores that might carry that stuff? Also, anyone know of a good online resource about, uh, strapping one on? Thanks in advance.

ETA: Is it even a good idea to start out with a double dildo? I mean, it sounds super hot/pleasurable to both of us for me to be getting some too... but do you suppose it would make it easier or harder for me to be responsive to what's going on with him? I want to be very careful with the boy smile.gif
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE(opheliathemuse @ Jan 26 2008, 03:38 PM) *
Oh Pugs. Don't over think it. I do that too. It's really easy to get caught up in a circle of bad thoughts and just overanalyze.


ophelia - you are so right. I do this often.

QUOTE
It's very important to have a calming activity that you can do alone.


On Saturday morning I was upset about all of this and I'm standing at the sink washing dishes (Mr. Pug wasn't home) and I'm just thinking about everything that I've been feeling, being so crazy horny and just going nuts in my mind. I think I was washing the dishes on autopilot because at one point I was like, "STOP IT!!" to myself out loud because my mind was going just a mile a minute. I finally just threw myself into my cleaning. I got all the dishes done and then started on the laundry and just cleaned until my feet were so sore I had to sit down. I decided I wasn't going to think about it for the rest of the day. If something happened then great but other than that I was just going to let it go.

QUOTE
When I go for a 10 minute walk, things seem so much better.


I've wanted to start walking for months now. I need to just do it daily and that will get me out of the house and out of my mind for a time.

QUOTE
Pugs, when you are craving Mr. Pugs to assert his dominance over you sexually, -why- do you want that? what is it that you want from the experience? Are you looking for reassurance of his love? Sexual stimulation? Both? Figure out why and you might be on to something.


I just don't know why. I think it makes me feel loved, taken care of and cared for. I never felt like that until I stopped working and Mr. Pug started supporting me. I just felt like I was always taking care of myself and that if anything happened I'd be on my own. Now that I'm not working and I'm going to school fulltime and he is supporting me I feel like his child almost. I don't feel like I do enough for him. When we have sex I guess I feel like I'm finally taking care of him and doing something for him instead of him always doing something for me. If that makes any sense. He spoils me and I want to spoil him and to me I guess that has always been monetarily. I'd buy him something. Well, not having any of my own money now because I'm not working I guess I want to give him something so I do that through sex. When he doesn't respond or isn't in the mood I feel like I'm failing at taking care of him. I'm really trying to explain this I hope it's making sense.

QUOTE
From what you told me, you have approached the situation in a topping-from-the-bottom way.


You couldn't be any more right on the money with this comment. I always feel like I'm bombarding him with "I want..." "I need..." "You're not..." "You need to..." Then I also feel like I'm always telling him about my feelings. I just want to relax and not be so obsessed with sexual thoughts. Ever since we got into this it's on my mind all the time. Maybe I need to start meditating and also taking those brisk walks daily.

QUOTE(dayglowpink @ Jan 27 2008, 10:19 PM) *
We've talked about it some, and he has told me that while he really likes being dominant to me and loves that kind of play, there are times that he just wants to lay back and have me do everything to him.


I think this is what Mr. Pug wants as well. It's such a pain in the ass. I want to ask him what he wants but then that opens up the let's have a talk thing again and I feel like we've talked the subject to death. I wish we could just sort of fall into some kind of pattern and not have to keep redefining what it is we both want.

QUOTE
It might actually help me to think of that as serving him like ophelia was saying.


I'm going to take this approach from now on. I mean technically I'm being good and making him happy by backing off when he says he's tired right? If I keep hounding him then I'm not doing as he wishes. This makes sense. I'm definitely topping from the bottom and I need to stop.

QUOTE
From everything else you've written about your relationship, it sounds like this is a slow time where things feel bad but that they will get better again. Worrying and overanalyzing will be the death of me, too! I understand that.


Although, we did have a very exciting weekend. We had lots of play. I'm going to really let him lead me and not keep telling him what I want him to do. He is the dom after all.

octinoxate - have you checked out www.sub-shop.com (I think that is the site. I'm at school so I can't check. Sorry. Hope that is it. Goodluck!!)
LoveMyPugs
I forgot to add that I'm thinking of buying this book. Domestic Discipline
dayglowpink
Sounds like an interesting book. If you get it, let us know what you think. I forgot I was gonna respond to your question about spanking, too. The best position for me has been leaning over the bed with the boy behind me. I have a tall bed that allows me to lean over it with my legs straight, so I can kinda rest the upper half of my body and not feel like I am holding myself up. I also like that I can't see what he's doing and that he can fuck me while he's doing it if he wants. If your bed wouldn't work, maybe some other piece of furniture. Although I like laying across his lap sometimes, it doesn't give him enough space to swing hard, like you were saying.
opheliathemuse
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/Lifesty...ub_frenzies.htm

everyone read this. It's really important!
LoveMyPugs
ophelia - very good article. that whole site is pretty great. i read many of the articles and also listened to the podcasts. that sites going to have to go on my favorites. thanks for posting it.
culturehandy
Stupid work filters, I can't read the article.
Miss Deena
Good Afternoon Ladies

I am new to the Bust community and found this blog and it touched a spot. So wanted to give another book to consider that I am not sure if someone else has mentioned before "The BDSM
slave training Guide". I found the book to be of much interest.
LoveMyPugs
I've done a lot of thinking about what ophelia was saying about me topping from the bottom. The last few days I've really just taken on a serving attitude. I'm trying to do my very best at just pleasing him and doing what he wants. It's actually really paying off. I've noticed that I get the mental pleasure I crave from making him happy. Last night I gave him a blow job. I sat on the floor nex to our bed while he held my head and fucked my face. It was quite a long blow job. My mouth was practically numb when I was done. However, I felt like I went into another world towards the end. I think this is the "subspace" I read about so often on BDSM sites. I was so focused on maintaining the right suction and pleasing him that I sort of got into this zone. When it was over and he came all I wanted was for him to hold me. I cuddled up to him in our bed (and I am not a cuddler) and rested my head on his shoulder. He told me I was a very good girl. He asked me if I had masturbated that day and I told him no. I think he was a little surprised. I told him I'm not going to anymore until he gives me permission. If he doesn't want me to come I'm not going to. I know that when he wants me to come he'll make it very good and something that will last in my mind. Ophelia made the good point of serving him and to me that really made sense. Today, after having the great oral session with him last night I feel as though I came myself. I'm not distracted like I usually am. Pleasing him really satisfied me. I think this is the nature of my submission to him.

I must say that Bust is so great for me. Having the BDSM thread to post in makes me feel not so much like a freak of nature. That there are other women who have these desires helps me embrase with my submissive nature. It's nice having you ladies to talk to. I feel lucky.
opheliathemuse
Pugs, I'm so glad you're feeling better about everything. I know that horrible insane feeling when you just want to get everything right and well, be dominated. But sometimes, you just need to remember that it's D/s, not just D. and serving is so much fun too! (I love face fucking.)

Welcome Miss Deena! Thank you for the reference material.

LoveMyPugs
OMG he fucked me so good this morning. He was late for work and everything. Last night he rolled over behind me to spoon cause he was cold and his cock was rock hard and I was like, "Hello!!" and he was like, "Not now I'm sleeping." I was awake the rest of the night and didn't get up as early as I wanted to. When the alarm clock finally went off I just needed him so badly. It's been a while since I've come. He was teasing me and rubbing me. I knew he had to go to work so I wasn't going to beg for it. Then he grabbed the lube off the end table and I was so excited he was going to fuck me I didn't care if I came or not. I needed it. It was amazing. My orgasm was so strong. It felt so good. It's going to be a lovely day today.

Miss Deena
Okay I have a question that maybe you can help with. I am a Switch and have a sub male that I really want to play with. But it is a hard thing because we have been friends for years and I am not sure how to start. We have teased (sexually) back and forth but this is a new level that I am not sure would be great to take. What do you think to kneel or not to kneel?
opheliathemuse
Miss Deena, you're not sure whether you want to have sex with him, or you're not sure whether you want him to kneel? Because, if you're already decided on sex, I vote for kneeling! Make the boy touch the ground, if not on all fours. You may be friends, but think of it as a game you will always win. You have what he wants. Make him beg for it.

Pugs!!! WIN! I'm so happy for you!

sexysandee
QUOTE(Miss Deena @ Jan 31 2008, 11:40 AM) *
Okay I have a question that maybe you can help with. I am a Switch and have a sub male that I really want to play with. But it is a hard thing because we have been friends for years and I am not sure how to start. We have teased (sexually) back and forth but this is a new level that I am not sure would be great to take. What do you think to kneel or not to kneel?


mellow.gif What's a switch? yes, I am that innocent and niave... well, with certain things
Miss Deena
sandee a Switch is a person that in the world of BDSM plays both Domm (Dominate) and sub (submissive). You can choose which you would like to do for each session. Myself I am more Domm then sub but have played both parts with enjoyment.

opheliathemuse - The whole going from friends to play partners is what has me thinking. If we are going to play then yes it would involve sex and kneeling. It is more if you can have a friend and have a play partner too. Or would it interfere with our friendship.

minx
Interfere? Perhaps. Maybe not. Depends upon if you can keep that boundary of friend/playmate. The Dirty Mick and I have that. We have a great respect for one another, but it's been hard-earned. I say go for it.

I used to have this sub (actually, I used to be HIS sub...oh the things you find out about yourself in these meanderings), and he totally loved me chiding him, playing with him like a cat toy. I would make him get on all fours in front of me and just verbally tease the shit out of him....put a plug in his ass, and then if he was a good boy, I'd let him eat me out. He'd have his collar on and I'd do some breath play with the leash after I blindfolded him while squeezing his boy bits.

Oh, the treacherous fun...
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