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Full Version: Fun with Floggers II -- BDSM revisited.
The BUST Lounge > Forums > Let's Talk About Sex
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opheliathemuse
Miss Deena, it's going to change the dynamic, at least for a bit. I think the question you should be asking is: will you yourself get emotionally involved? What's at stake? He's a friend. You two want to have a go. Do it, unless you have other feelings for him prior to sex. Physicality does not necessarily lead to emotionality. For some women it can engender feelings for a short while, and if you have any feelings at all for him they might be sharply intensified. I think you need not worry about losing your friend. =)

Miss Deena
A lot of good things to think of, I think we may have to start soon! I have these very bad thoughts that just won't go away until we do. We will have to face change one way or the other. Now I just have to find the perfect outfit for the first time!

Wish Me Luck!
Miss Deena
I have another problem. But this one is more tricky. I have a good friend that has been married for a long time. She and her husband are both subs and he wishes to experience my Domination. I am all for it and willing to give it my "all". But she is very possessive over him. (side note) she currently has a lover that is her Dom and has been with many others which he knows about. So how do you work on this one. God I must sound crazy!
candycane_girl
I don't get that, I mean, if she has a dom then her husband should be allowed to have a Domme. Stuff like that is a two way street, imo.
Miss Deena
Thats my point! But somehow for him the rules are different. I just don't know what to say or do to help her understand I am not trying to steal him just Top him.
opheliathemuse
oh wow. ummmm, well, their vanilla life is bleeding over into their bdsm play life I guess. I wouldn't touch it with a ten foot pole, honestly. Good luck with that one!
And have fun finding an outfit!

minx
Ladies of Leather and Rope, I have an announcement:

Mr. Clean (the new beau) is a player. In the good sense...in that he can *sigh* handle a flogger. And stuff.

Oh, he's a dirty bird. Just found all of this out last night during the course of our conversation. I wanted my cake, and cared to eat it. How's that for just fucking nice? smile.gif
Miss Deena
opheliathemuse - That is where I am at right now. I have told them I want to continue to be there friends but I will not be the one to ruin the marriage for play. So I will just have to settle for my new toy and let sleeping dogs be.

Mink - Good for you that is a hard thing to find!
opheliathemuse
That's probably good, miss deena!

Minx, you naughty girl you...
culturehandy
Minx, that is great that Mr. Clean is into play!

Miss Deena, I'd also wakl away from this one, seems like there are some underlying issues here, and you're right you don't want to get in the middle of a marriage. It's one thing if there is an open undertanding, but if there are some control issues, and not in a good way, then I'd walk away.

Okay, so I have to say, that I frequently text my top. he is arranging a fantasy of mine, he knows a few of them, all with regards to degredation and humilation. I'm really looking forward to this. Anyway, he sent me a text when I asked him if he would rip me open (on a side bar, the man has an amazing cock, I want him to fuck me raw, not give me a change to get wet, whatnot, not that it takes much with me and we've fucked a few times before). So I get a text back that said "oh bitch, I will make you scream" I creamed my fucking pants. So hot!!!

I don't know when this will happen, but I do so look forward to it!!! Squeeeeee!
girltrouble
drool....
culturehandy
So the top is planning an abduction for me. he says that it will be a long dran out affair, but he doesn't know if he'll fuck me, just leave me wanting more.

Le Sigh.

Just thinking about all of this is making me go nuts. I've also decided that I'm going to degrade him to make him upset with me. I'm going to tell him how he isn't man enough for me, how he can't really give me what I want.

This is going to be a very good night, when it finally does happen.
LoveMyPugs
QUOTE
I've also decided that I'm going to degrade him to make him upset with me. I'm going to tell him how he isn't man enough for me, how he can't really give me what I want.


CH - I've sort of done this to Mr. Pugs before. It always works. Have fun and be safe.

I've always been worried about abduction or rape sceens. I don't think Mr. Pug and I are clear enough on boundries yet to experiment with that sort of sceen. Let us know how yours goes.
culturehandy
This one has been in the works for a little while. There will be a vebal safe word and non verbal cues if I am not comfortable with where things are going. I'm thinking a hand squeeze will be do it. That is one that I saw was recommended.

Safety is on the for front.

Okay, now I'm all frustrated!
Miss Deena
Ah very nice to have a plan in action. It is worth the wait of planning! Good luck with your fun and remember that you could have not just a safe word but a level system to. So instead of reaching your limit - you can have a word that means things are getting uneasy lets use yellow as an example. So if things are starting to make you uneasy you can say 'yellow" and you Dom knows to either change direction or if he knows you well push past it.

On a side note - I had a very rewarding time with my friend and we have decided to try and make it a more regular time to meet for ah play! Yea for me!! Now I just need to plan some very interesting evenings for the near future.
culturehandy
I've played with my top many a time, and before we got involved, the duscussion of safety was a big one. during our incounters he wil stop and remind to use a safe word if it is necessary.
Miss Deena
i am sorry if I insulted you about being safe. I guess I am very sensitive to ah safety. I had some very nasty times when my Top was not very good with keeping tings in check even when words were used. Needless to say that didn't last long and made me very careful.

Has this week seemed strange to anyone else? I just feel odd and removed for the love when all the hate fills our schools.

Good luck to everyone!
culturehandy
Oh miss deena, you totally didn't! I just wanted to let you know that safety is at the forefront! Seriouly, no worries!!!!

I do appreciate your concern and letting me know, based on your experience.

LoveMyPugs
sexysandee
I love those little bears
culturehandy
Bwaaahahahahaha. Pugs, that makes me chuckle every time I see it.
Miss Deena
God I love when my new "Pet" quivers while I play with him it makes my stomach clench with desire. They way he struggles and can't control his breathing and pants for control is like a balm for my lust.
I just have to share with someone!
LoveMyPugs
That's a bad, dirty little duck.

culturehandy
I've decided that I want to be domme to a cop. I'd love to degrade a police officer. I'd also like him to degrade me, but a man who's in such an authoritarian profession, as if that wouldn't be hot!

Miss Deena
I am having a bad week!

This weekend I had a misunderstanding with another Dom and his play partner. They ended their session because of the issue (Which was not play related) and came home. I have talked with his partner and all seems fine there. But He won't speak to me about that or anything. He keeps putting me off and I just don't know what else I can say/do to resolve the problem. We had just started to develop a friendship and it was coming around fairly well until this weekend.
culturehandy
Miss Deena what happened?
Miss Deena
If you recall I mentioned before about a friend that had a Dom and her husband wanted to be topped. Well I have been talking with her Dom and we have gotten friendly. All seems to be going well until this weekend. So they went off to have a weekend alone and I even offered to lone them some rope to use. So off they went and her husband asked if I wanted to visit. So I went over and watched movies with him and the kids and had dinner. I was about to leave (before the kids went to sleep) and she comes home and they are both pissed off that some how I had been waiting for an opportunity to get him alone. It was really just an afternoon with a friend but no one seems to believe that. Plus no way anything is going on with the kids running around! So here I am the bad one and I didn't even get to do anything fun to be blamed for!
culturehandy
Okay, so the wife, whom you are also friends with, goes off with her domme, I'm under the assumption that she is also having sex with her domme. Does her husband know about this?

You go and have dinner with him, nothing happens, there is nothing sexual going on between you and the husband. It's all innocent. And the wife and her domme are updet with you?

For starters, the wife cannot be mad when she's off doing the same thing, and more. Second, why the hell is her domme pissed off at you? Is he sleeping with the husband too? neither of them has a right to be angry.
Miss Deena
I am friends with the wife and husband. And had started to become friends with her Dom. And Yes they have sex on a regular schedule and yes the husband knows about it. The husband would like equal opportunity but she will have nothing for it. So we did nothing except enjoy a nice afternoon. And she is pissed because I was there without her. Her Dom is pissed because she wanted to go home early and was upset the time she was with him. It is really a big cluster fuck and I am ready to throw my hands up and say screw it all. I want to be friend but if I can't be trusted to be alone for an afternoon then is it really worth it?
culturehandy
Okay, so she's allowed to have sex in an open marriage, but he's not allowed to??? What a controlling woman. I'd also say that she was threatened by you.
Miss Deena
Thats the gist of it.
opheliathemuse
wow. I'm really sorry things are proceeding badly for you Miss Deena. I'm not sure I'd even try at this point, but perhaps some wounds can be licked and some time can heal the breach.
I'd also like to add that (I'm sure you're quite aware) many subs are very very controlling or perfectionistic. They need domination to balance that aspect of their personality out. Her primary isn't doing it for her, but her territory is still him. It doesn't matter whether it's fair or not to her. See what I mean? Not that I agree with it or condone her actions, but I understand them. It sounds like she has some major issues she needs to work on outside of her sexuality, that is affecting relationships like the friendship she supposedly has with you.




A shoulder to rest on. A lonely bird now.
candycane_girl
Miss Deena, I have no idea what to tell you. She sounds like a mean controlling bitch. Sorry, but she does. And that part about her always going after men you're after? That's just too much. Why are you still friends with her?
opheliathemuse
yeah, that part is um, frankly sociopathic.

excellent point, GT
girltrouble
iwhile i don't know all the circumstances/particulars, these things aren't always symetrical. open, polyamorous, or simply kink relationships are often matter of personal negotiation.

if say a kinky couple is into cuckoldry, say, she may be able to sleep with anyone and, indeed, everyone she wants, and he may be able to sleep with only her, or if she is a domme, and is into denial/teasing/chastity, he may not even be able to sleep with her on top of everything. the agreement may be that she is in complete control over her own and his sexuality, yet he has none -- not hers not his own. these things need not be equitable.

in my own poly/open relationship (there is a difference), my end of the relationship was poly-- my gf was my primary/alpha, and i had another girlfriend who was my second. she (my primary) on the other hand wanted no emotional attachments with her sexual partners, or outside of the primary relationship, so her end of it was open-- she could sleep with whomever she wanted with only the most basic of rules. but these things were negotiated. i am a big believer in each relationship having it's own rules, made to suit those two adults in that relationship.

as i said, i don't know the particulars of the couple of mentioned, and i'm really saying not saying anything about them or the weird situation m. deena faced, i just wanted to make the point above, for no good reason.
culturehandy
GT, excellent point!

The fact that her Domme also got offended about this doesn't sit well with me.

Word CandyCane_girl.
Miss Deena
GT - I completely adgree that each couple has their own special dinamic that works for them and not for others. And if she was Toping him and this was part of their play I would completely understand that. As it stands she is not his Top in any sense of the word. She just has very strong feelings about his involvement with anyone else. She on the other hand is free to have whom ever she likes. And I understand that it is not for me to say and so I don't. I respect her choice regardless if it was her Toping choice or just a wife choice.

We have been close friends on and off for more then 13 years. What upsets me is that even though I have told her and everyone I will not do anything with out permission she still didn't trust me. And I have a feeling that she was thinking about what she would do in my place.
culturehandy
I think there are some deeper issues here. Not only is she controlling, but perhaps they are having some other problems, and she fears that he may leave her?

Why would she not allow him to do whatever he wishes when she can do whatever she pleases?
Miss Deena
I wish she would trust me not to tie him to the bed at first opportunity. Not that the thought doesn't make me smile!
culturehandy
I saw my top yesterday. He gave me a good spanking.

I had to thank him after after spank. It was degrading and sexy. He verbally abused me. Oh fuck., just thinking about it makes me wet.
wickedtickles
What did he say, how did he say it?
Were you tied up.Did he have a plug in when he spanked you
Miss Deena
My new pet is so great that I think we shall have more fun tonight! This last weekend we had a most wonderful encounter full of exhibition and hot sweaty sex! He is so fun to play with it makes me smile just thinking of it.

Let me explain my pleasure! With a whisper in his ear he will turn red and get rock hard! And with a little more encouragement he can be made to submit to my whim. This last weekend we had stopped at a gas station and pulled to the side lot where there were other cars around. I had him stand next to the car and after I had him hot and begging I unzipped his pants and stroked him as others passed around us. I did try and get him to let me give him head, but we will have to work on that limit as time goes on.
culturehandy
Miss Deena, it sound very promising. I got into more with my top, he told me he wants to break me. and he told me that I can verbally abuse him to make him upset with me.

He actaully pulled me by the hair and told me that I had to thank him for spanking me.
Miss Deena
Sounds like you could be in for a long road full of fun! I wish you the best in your adventure. I enjoy it when there is some resistance, it pleases me to know that you want more. So have fun with taunting your Top.

Play Safe!
culturehandy
He said, during the conversations we've had about safety, etc, that I could do whatever I wanted. I am a switch, but with him, I'm a pushy bottom. I'll resist, but then just end it, as if I've given into him.
Miss Deena
I too am a switch but I prefer to Top more. I think we have a better understanding of feelings for our those who are our bottoms if we switch. Have you ever used ginger in your play?
culturehandy
Nooooo. I'm assuming you mean ginger as in the herb ginger? Do tell!!!!
Miss Deena
Yes ginger the root. Its called figging and let me tell you the effect is one that will stay on your mind for a long time!

http://www.msmargaretdavis.com/Figging.html
culturehandy
That sounds amazing!

*runs off to purchase ginger root*
Miss Deena
LOL.... Yes good I know!
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