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candycane_girl
tree, I've never broken down crying out of frustration in front of someone but I have gotten to the point where my voice is shakey and my face turns bright red. Is there any way that you can leave the room and go to a bathroom or something to cry? For me sometimes it's better to focus on the anger. Like, I tell myself, "I'm not sad, I'm pissed off and I will be damned if anyone makes me cry!" I hope that helps.

I was just wondering if anyone knows where to get reliable statistics on rape, assult and domestic violence. I have often heard that the stat of 1 in 4 women getting raped is actually way off base. I just want to tell people the truth and not be spouting off fake statistics. That would be very bad. I will start looking at StatsCan but that website is horrid and impossible to navigate.
koffeewitch
I wish we COULD get stats on these things...so many rapes/DV cases are un/under-reported. My take on that 1 in 4 stat is this: 1 out of every 4 college-aged women will be the victim of a rape or an attempted-rape. 1 in 3 or 4 (depending on source) girls are sexually molested/raped before the age of 18. THe stat on boys varies from 1in 6 to 1 in 10. (Personally, I believe in the U.S. that almost 1 in every 2 girls are molested...I have no evidence to back this up but my experiences talking to other women. Among my friends it's 50%). I think the stat on boys is also way too low. The source on these stats are usually government/law-enforcement. I feel both these agencies have a vested interest in misrepresenting the facts. I heard on NPR that my city (Columbus, Ohio) has the highest number of rapes per capita. Surprised, I questioned a number of police officers who had (or claimed to have ) NO IDEA of such a problem in our city.
Anyway,maybe try starting with your city's police web site for local crime stats...usually there will be links to national info. If we created a "feminist website" with all these stats too many people would find us uncreditable, but no one argues with the police findings...atleast that tells us what is reported if not the real number of cases.
girltrouble
perhaps, tree you ought not to worry about crying and try a different approach. instead of explaining, try a sharp verbal reproach. like "are you really that stupid?" or "take your head out of your ass." don't explain or say anymore, just convey the idea that they fucked up. i know this might sound strange, but with guys it works really well, sociologically, that is how they play, so a terse. "knock it off." or some phrase gets the point across, you walk away or push them out of the way, and do it yourself, would work better. later you can explain what needs to be done when you are not feeling as heated. remember:short sharp. keep your words few, and walk away. come back later and explain. you might also try [sigh] or [tsk] ing in displeasure. or even loud, "not. cool." would work. better yet, a "don't. fuck. with. my. shit." treat them like a dog or a child that needs a newspaper rap on the nose.

hope that helps.


meh. i think i'm just feeling bitchy today.
nickclick
Guttmacher ? Their focus is reproductive health, but it's a reliable source for those statistics, so maybe it's a place to start.

i don't now how to stop a crying storm from coming..... tears are second nature to me too when i'm frustrated.
zoya
tree, I have never had that problem with crying, but I used to be really terrified of even having any confrontation, to the point that I would just freeze up and either avoid the confrontation completely, or I'd just not be able to say anything to the other person. What helped me (and i know this might sound kind of dumb, but it worked for me...) was to think to myself that I'm an actress in this situation, playing a part. It helped me completely detach from the situation and not place any value on it other than just "playing the scene," so my emotions didn't get wrapped up in it at all (or very much) I don't know if that makes any sense at all, but yeah, I would just imagine that I'm in acting class or acting in a movie or something, and I'm playing this part, somehow it would help - cause it was like it wasn't really me doing it.

I sound completely nuts, I know, but somehow it really does help to detach yourself from it.
auralpoison
Okay. I hope you have a drink in hand because this? Is a weird one. About a month or two ago I noticed something funny in my bathroom. My toilet seat started changing colours. Like, where my ass goes on it. You can even see a little cleft at the top. It used to be white, now it's ultraviolet. I'd been sitting on the thing for a year & a half before the change started! I've looked it up to no avail. The only info I seem to be able to find is on, gulp, pregnancy sites. Now, I know there ain't no buns in my oven, so what gives? I did have some weird hormone fluctuations over the summer, but turning my toilet seat purple? I haven't switched cleansers, blahblahblah. There has been no change in toilet routine. WTF?
treehugger
you haven't switched cleansers, as in toilet cleansers? Have you switched body soaps or lotions? Could they be leaving a residue on your skin that's reacting with either the paint on the toilet seat, the plastic it's made of, or with the cleansers you're using on the toilet? Is your water softener working right? (leaving residue on your skin, again.) Chemical reactions can be pretty complex.

But, yeah, that's a really weird one.
auralpoison
Nothing has changed. Same cleansers as always in the bath. Same Lush soaps, bodywashes, lotions, etc on my body. My water is rock hard. Seriously. NOTHING has changed. But my toilet seat is now purple.
mumblestutter
super weird. my wild guesses - 1. maybe the enamel is coming off the toilet seat & it's made out of something purple? 2. maybe they didn't use the usual sort of paint? maybe some sort of oxidation process is occurring? if copper can turn green and iron can turn orange, i suppose there could be something out there that turns purple when exposed to air, water or sweat.
auralpoison
Nope. The enamel is in perfect condition except for turning purple. No chips, no cracks, nada. And like I said, this isn't a new phenomena from what I've been able to google. It just seems to happen to pregnant women. And I am NOT pregnant.
pollystyrene
What is it about being pregnant that turns the seat purple?
auralpoison
No fucking clue. Nobody had a satisfactory answer. From my research the problem has been posited by pretty much 100% women, one woman even said that she'd had two turn on her, but only in the "girl's bathroom".

But literally, the only things that popped up on google about colour changing toilet seats were on pregnancy sites or answer sites where the person asking was indeed pregnant or at least female. Outside of the obvious factors (cleansers/solvents, hairspray, perfume, lotions, fabric dye, etc) some suggested hormones, others suggested prenatal vitamins.

I tried getting hits on other colours (pink & blue) as we all see things differently, blue seats seem to be most commonly attributed to new jeans leaving dye on the skin. Which makes sense. But it's not blue. It's fucking PURPLE. And shaped like my ass & thighs.

pollystyrene
Weird.

Not that I doubted your googling powers, AP, but I had to google it myself...my sympathies to you for having to wade through all those annoying pregnant women...I did find this one though. Maybe you should get some acid testing strips.
auralpoison
Yeah, I read that one, too. That gal is on a lot of allergy meds! I take Benadryl, a one a day, fish oil, & a potassium supplement. I already eat a LOT of veg, particularly the leafy greens. Kale, spinach, cabbage, brussels sprouts, various lettuces, collards, etc.

The acid thing may be the culprit. The green beans this summer were tasty & plentiful & I kinda went pickle mad with them. But I've been eating them that way since spring, though & the toilet turn has been recent, just the past month or two.
gogosgirl
hey chicas -- not sure if this is the right thread for this, but I'm at work and don't have my current issue with me. I'd like to give the ingredient list for the homemade candy corn to a co-worker...can anyone post it for me? thanks!
candycane_girl
Hi ladies. Can anyone think of a word for a girl who acts like a child all the time? I mean, besides just the adjective of childish. I'm trying to write an essay on The Big Sleep (the novel, not the movie) and how women are depicted. Right now I'm doing the character of Carmen.
treehugger
I'll ponder it, CCG.

Okay, this is driving me nuts. My bath towels, hand towels, and washcloths all STINK. Right out of the laundry they stink. And I don't separate them from my clothes or anything-and my clothes don't come out stinky. Nothing stinks except my bath towels. My dishtowels don't stink.

I've even tried separating all the bath towels out and washing them in a separate load in really hot water, and they still have a funk. Any suggestions on why this might be happening, or how to get the funk out of them?

By "funk", I guess I'd say sort of a moldy locker room / gym socks kind of smell.

I have dishtowels that are made from the same terry-cloth fabric and they do not develop the funk. They are newer, though.

I'm about ready to toss the old towels and get new ones.
girl_logic
Treehugger, maybe try a blend of Baking soda and an essential oil (Lavender is a good germ killer) in the next load.
culturehandy
Are you letting your wet towels sit in the washer for a while before throwing them in the dryer?

I know a woman who puts vinegar in with her towels. I wash with cold water. So does she, in fact.

CCG what about immature? Infantile? Innocent? Callow... umm naive?
girl_logic
A person like that can also be called a naif.
zoya
...juvenile??
candycane_girl
Thanks ladies. I'll try to figure out which word fits best with what I'm writing.

Tree, I seem to have the same problem only it's with my hand towels in the bathroom! I don't know if maybe I just wash my hands too much and they never get a chance to fully dry out or what. It's like, even after washing them the second that I actually use them they have that moldy smell again. Also some of them are no longer soft and they have kind of a rough feeling. I don't know if it's because they are cheap or what.
speedy
Jejune?
Maybe too harsh. It sounds like you aren't trying to describe, not judge.
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 15 2009, 10:46 PM) *
Hi ladies. Can anyone think of a word for a girl who acts like a child all the time? I mean, besides just the adjective of childish. I'm trying to write an essay on The Big Sleep (the novel, not the movie) and how women are depicted. Right now I'm doing the character of Carmen.

candycane_girl
Well, the funny thing is that since the book is narrated by the character Phillip Marlowe, it's full of his judgments. I'm also trying to address how Carmen might be described by someone other than Marlowe since he hates her. Mostly I was trying to find a noun for what she might be called. Anyway, back to work. sad.gif
treehugger
impish? I'm trying to think of a non-judgemental noun but I'm coming up short. Of course, it doesn't help that I'm not familiar with the book.

CH, yes, sometimes the laundry does sit for a little while before it makes it to the dryer, but the other stuff doesn't have or develop that funk, so I don't think that is the problem. Maybe they're just old? Some are over fifteen years old. I'm going to try some of the suggestions.
pollystyrene
Putting some Borax in there might help, treehugger.
candycane_girl
Thanks, tree. I had actually already used impish and now I'm on to writing about Vivian which leads me to my next question.


Has anyone in here read The Big Sleep or at least seen the movie and remember how many husbands Vivian has had? I have tried googling it over and over, I've used wiki and sparknotes and I cannot get an answer! I keep looking through the book but I can't seem to find out the answer.
sybarite
CCG, describing Carmen as an ingenue should work, albeit a badly behaved one.
girl_logic
QUOTE(candycane_girl @ Nov 16 2009, 10:23 AM) *
Thanks, tree. I had actually already used impish and now I'm on to writing about Vivian which leads me to my next question.
Has anyone in hear read The Big Sleep or at least seen the movie and remember how many husbands Vivian has had? I have tried googling it over and over, I've used wiki and sparknotes and I cannot get an answer! I keep looking through the book but I can't seem to find out the answer.


According to this peice of internets it's three.

Badly behaved ingenue is a good one!

eta: the bit here also says three (see the character synopsis of vivian regan) http://www.answers.com/topic/the-big-sleep-characters
candycane_girl
Thank you soooooo much! I was going nuts trying to find out.

Also, I think the stress is getting to me. I keep noticing grammatical mistakes in my posts such as writing "hear" instead of "here" and "to" instead of "too". I'm losing it.
koffeewitch
A Lounge question: Could someone tell me how I can use the "My Topics" part of My Profile Portal... What I mean is, If I want to save one of my posts in the "My Topics" section, how do I do it?
girltrouble
that basically brings up all the threads you've started. but since we try not to start threads, it should be empty. i've got maybe four, but i've been her since forever.
auralpoison
Mine has two threads I actually started & one that I was just the poster where the cutoff was.

If you want to save something, KW, I'd probably use the personal notepad on your control panel. I save odd bits of wisdom there sometimes.
culturehandy
Many moons ago, the magazine ran a snippet on a comic book who had a characater whose sidekick was a vibrator or dildo.

Does anyone remember the name of the comic?
pollystyrene
Sorry, no idea, CH.

Need an opinion about a Christmas gift. I'm probably over-thinking this, but if I got this shirt for a male friend of mine, would it be perceived as misogynistic? (Click on the picture of the t-shirt, then click "View Back" to see the part I'm questioning)

For anyone that needs explanation, it's a roller derby t-shirt; those are the referee hand signals on the front of it. The guy I'm giving it to is totally a feminist (husband of a Bustie) and would be secure enough to wear it, I'm just not sure how it would come off to others. There's a very good chance he'd primarily wear it to roller derby games and I'm 99% sure that within that context, people would see the humor in it and not think he was an asshole, but even then, I'm not sure.

auralpoison
I think it would be just fine. All is fair in roller derby.
gluelita
i think it should be the new uniform for the Bret Michaels skanker derby. smile.gif
snow white
is there a magazine thread here? i've been trying to subscribe to more magazines but most "chick mags" pretty much suck (i.e. Cosmo, Glamour, Allure). I mean, they were ok in highschool but how many issues does it take to give a reader make-up tips, fashion advice, new ways to have "mond blowing" sex, and articles about "empowered women" (nothing against those women, i'm just tired of pretty much reading the same article over and over again). I used to subscribe to Missbehave and I loved it (not in print anymore), now aside from Bust I have nothing else in my mail box besides catalogs and bills sad.gif

Where's all the offbeat, creative, smart, snarky, sexy, girlie magazines???
nickclick
snow, do you read Bitch? looks academic in comparison to Bust etc. and maybe it a bit so, but it's a lot of fun to read.

i think there used to be a mag thread around here? try the Bust:discuss thread.
auralpoison
I didn't know where else to post this: Does anybody here order contacts online? Basically, I just passed the two year mark on my prescription & I didn't feel like shelling out cash on an eye appointment since my scrip hasn't changed in nearly ten years: -1.50 in both eyes. I almost always wear glasses as I find them to be the more stylish option, but sometimes contacts just rock. So I ordered some online & was wondering just how carefully online retailers check with eye doctors. Are they actually gonna call my eye doctor to make sure my scrip is up to date or do we think they'll let it slide in the name of the all mighty dollar?
ketto
I order mine online from clearlycontacts.ca. I have to put in my own prescription and then just order them. The way I do it they don't have a way to contact my doctor or know his name. Did you have to give your doctors info when you ordered them?
auralpoison
I was "passively verfied", which means they couldn't reach anybody at my doctor's office. And I did have to provide them with that info (or something close to it) to make my order. I gave his last name & the number to his clinic, but whatevs. I'm gettin' my contacts.
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