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miss_jane
I tried again with a different photo and got Ninet Tayeb, Kiera Knightley (all about the jawline!), Adriana Lima, Elle MacPherson and...... Rod Stewart! I'm never leaving the house again!
melinamarie
jemioutrageous. I think you are so right about Britney. I actually suspect she won't be satisified until she has at least one more than her. Besides I think Shar has something like 4 kids, 2 from a previous relationship.
doodlebug
I got (in order): Meg Ryan (wtf?), Ronaldo (??), Enya, Adriana Lima, Maria Sharapova, Marilyn Manson (!!), John Glenn, Francoise Hardy, Elizabeth Taylor, and...Snoop Dogg.

Must have been my pouty/haughty expression.

I don't even know who half of those people are.

My brother was named after John Glenn, though, so I guess that's something...however tenuous....
lucizoe
Okay. I hate that site.

I am CUTE, dammit! I do NOT look like a man. I need better pics.

*calms down*

(my first hit was some Scandinavian female politician who bore a striking resemblance to my exceedingly Polish Buscia)
greenbean
Good Lord!! I tried it with a new browser and I got Jessica Alba, Christy Turlington, Brigitte Bardot, that WB Smallville guy AND get this, Frank Zappa and Gary Sinise! What the hell! I'm part sexbomb part freak! Weird that my dad is a huge Zappa fan...
aquagirl2
I put in a picture of my husband and got ANGELA LANSBURY! HAHAHAHAHAHA! That was 10 minutes ago because I've been laughing so hard. He was mad.
lucizoe
HA!

Okay, different pic. I'm 66% Naomi Watts and part some Japanese dude and Anne Frank? Ashley Olsen? Kristin Davis...Scarlett Johanson...Cate Blanchett...

Yeah!

Then I do another one and I'm Matthew Perry and Rupert Murdoch and Harold Ramis. WTF?

aquagirl, that is hysterical.
amilita
Ugh. I did my husband, and it just brought up any celebrity ever photographed with square, dark-framed glasses. Duh.
lilacwine13
*delurks*

Kathy Bates.

Too bad I don't have any other pictures saved on this computer, or else I might come up with someone younger and cuter. (I don't mind too much, I think she's a good actress.) It definitely goes with the shape of your face and expression, not what you actually look like.
*relurks*
miss_jane
aquagirl, i put in a picture of my boyfriend and it came up with ruth rendell! I haven't told him...
jemisoutrageous
All right. You guys are driving me bugshit. I hate to rain on your parade but I keep thinking there's exciting new gossip and then it's more,"I look like 45% Snufflufagus and 33% Captain Kangaroo"....NO MORE! (Or at least take this to the bizzaro web sights thread. Please. I beg you.)
choofums
Jemistrulyoutrageous, you crack me up!


plynn
okay Jem, back to the Tom Cruise hatefest:

dude can't open a car door!

So awesome to watch it play in a continuous loop.

(note: while this is totally the kind of dumb, fumbly shit I do all day, every day, it doesn't mean I can't laugh at him over it)
mandolyn
i had to watch it twice to make sure it wasn't a loop.

did anyone watch kathy griffin the other night? unfortunately she didn't go for tom's jugular (jesus, did they get to her too?!) ... but she did womp on oprah rather hard. i heart kathy.

and you all heard about keith richard's head surgery right? why on earth would anyone allow that man to climb a tree and/or operate a jet ski unattended in the first place? his handlers must have been nodding off somewhere.
miss_jane
One of the quotes from the site :

"I think Katie judt didn’t want to come out!
The convo went…
Tom: open the door. people are waiting… with cameras.
Katie: I hate you. Go away freak.
Tom: now in the name of Xenu I comand you!! Open the door.
Katie: only if you promise to quite sucking my face saying “give me your youth, Xenu wants it!”
Tom: Fine! now open the door!"

:D



dusty
I wanna know how they can tell he's not brain damaged *snork*

Bad Dusty! That was *so* unworthy.
jezabelle
A question...So TC is supposed to be going on "Ellen" and is apparently going to be showing pictures of HIS new baby, 'cause it's his - not both of theirs. The baby is his possesion, just like her mother!

Anyway my question is, I thought L. Ron Hubbard and all of his Scientologist followers thought/think homosexuality is wrong? Or am I wrong? I swear I read that somewhere!
pollystyrene
Oh, absolutely. Some would say that's why Tom Cruise and John Travolta turned to Scientology- to help them repress their urges. I think there's a lot of empirical evidence leaning that way, but I try not to put too much faith in that. Either way, Scientology is evil.

Did anyone else see that letter in the current Bust issue from the woman who's a huge Bust fan and also a Scientologist, and she was really offended by some anti-clam comments in recent issues? WTF? How does that work? Oh, right, you can be Scientologist in combination with any other religion. Uh huh.
mandolyn
O.J. Pulls White Bronco Prank on 'Juiced'

words fail me.
catsoup
TC now has Ellen calling Katie Holmes "Kate."
plynn
oh dear. OJ Simpson just doesn't seem to understand that, as a vicious murderer, nothing says or does can ever be funny, ever again.

Sometimes I swear he's a bit brain-damaged, too.
snafooey
O.J. - Wow. Just wow.

from www.imdb.com:

Blockbuster Mission: Impossible III has failed to meet its box office expectations, because actor Tom Cruise's popularity has taken a sharp nosedive - according to a new survey. And a poll conducted by USA Today shows that 51 percent of fans have deliberately turned their backs on The Last Samurai star Cruise's latest movie as a result of his antics, comments and continual public displays of affection with fiancee Katie Holmes. Journalist Dave Karger says, "A lot of people came up to me and said, 'I don't want to support this movie's first weekend.' They made a conscious choice to avoid it."

Well, no shit. But seriously, keep up the good work - I like to think that threads like this one have helped spread the gospel.
cloverbee
okay, I was trying to explain to my parents what Scientologists believe about earth. it's something about aliens, right?
karianne
geez, I love Ellen, but come on Ellen! Don't go to TC's crazy place!

OJ Simpson....ugh. It is so disturbing that he is highly suspected of killing two people but is allowed to make a tv show. I can't stand him, I hope is show fails miserably.
mandolyn
cloverbee, check out the wikipedia entry for scientology. it taught me all i need to know about it. ever. except i couldn't get thru the entire thing because i was laughing so hard!

i wonder if 'kate' is ok with her name change? has the girl said anything that's been recorded in the last year?
faerietails
"The auditor follows an exact procedure toward rehabilitating the human spirit. Most auditing uses an E-meter, a device that measures very small changes in electrical resistance through the human body when a person is holding onto tin cans and a small current is passed through them."

WTF?!! I seriously thought the South Park season premiere was just screwing around and making up extra shit. I didn't think they actually DO have e-meters! LMFAO!

EDIT: OH. GOD. I just got to the 'Xenu' section. I can't take it! I can't! How the hell do people believe this shit?!

"The contents of these Advanced Levels courses are held in strict confidence within Scientology. They have never been published by the church, except for use in highly secure areas. The most advanced of all are the eight Operating Thetan levels, which require the initiate to be thoroughly prepared. The highest level, OT VIII, is only disclosed at sea, on the Scientology cruise ship Freewinds."

*bangs head against desk*
lucizoe
Okay, will someone please please explain to me this practice of swaddling a newborn up and leaving it alone for a week? I thought that newborns, while sturdier than most people think, are still really really really fragile and sort of, I dunno, NEED TO EAT POST-BIRTH OR THEY WILL DIE. I thought current theory held that the first six weeks of a person's life are superbly-important in terms of emotional development, unless I'm remembering that incorrectly. Regardless, shouldn't a newly-birthed infant in a strange bright new place be given as much boob and love and cuddles as it wants?

So being locked in the dark alone and hungry might not make the best start, yes?
vesicapisces
Not in any way to support the Crazy People, but I doubt a baby could die of starvation in a day. I do wonder about dehydration, tho.
plynn
"has the girl said anything that's been recorded in the last year?"

Well, there was that interview in W where she was leaping around singing "he's my man! he's my man!" Almost makes you glad she's gone mute - one babbling freak is more than enough.

Has anyone seen the tabloid cover, featuring Denise Richards, asking us the eternal question: Villian or Vixen? Uh, both? Seriously guys, go take Women's Studies 101.
lucizoe
(Hee, post-birth in this case just means you know, being alive. As in, we are all post-birth at the moment. I know I could make it a week without eating and stay alive. But a newborn infant?)

All of the Tom Cruise crap I've been hearing says that they aren't supposed to touch or go near it for a week...wouldn't it at least get deathly ill in that time? I'm just curious as to the explanation for that. Is it that the parents don't go near it, but someone else is around to give it its barley and water and clean it?

They need to clarify! How else can I decide whether or not to join?
bklynhermit
How could you voluntarily do that? Not so much from the perspective of 'it's wrong, it'll hurt the baby' but i mean can you imagine having to listen to your poor newborn's abandoned screams of terror (not to mention hunger and shit-covered-ness) and knowing that you are under no circumstances allowed to go get your baby and, you know, actually take care of it?

Maybe that's why Tom so blatantly took KatieBot out for dinner the other night? To distract her from her baby's isolation tank screams. Thinking, ok, we'll go to dinner, catch MY FAB NEW BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE (!!!), that'll kill like 4 or 5 hours maybe... Oh, and hey, why not get some papparazzi stuff in there while we're out, that'll kill at least another hour or so...
bklynhermit
ok. seriously.

why is it that EVERY TIME i do one of these scientologist conspiracy posts, there's some sort of blip and i double post?
mornington
Apart from anything else, a newborn (of any mammal species, needs the first milk within a few hours of birth - it has lots of good stuff like antibodies in it.

Don't they believe the baby should be left alone for twenty-four hours or something? (I think it was the Spartans who abandoned babies for a week. on a mountain. if they were alive they were 'ard enough).

I felt compelled to sit and read that entire wikipedia entry. Why do people belive in this shit?
lucizoe
And has anyone seen pictures? Is it possible that the most attention-whoring couple on the planet ISN'T forcing their freshly-hatched Xenu-spawn to sit for photo-ops with its publicists and stylists? I don't get it.

Did Tom Cruise show baby pictures on Ellen?

Why am I typing this??? Why do I care?

(free Katie!)
amilita
I think they are at least feeding them that barley water concoction that L. Ron thinks is better than breast milk...

But besides needing nutrition, babies need CONTACT! Living beings can have attachment problems if they don't get affection...I dunno if a month of limited contact can give you super-serious psychological problems, but it can't hurt in helping make you a $cientology robot...
mandolyn
i should probably add that wikipedia is by no means the definitive source for anything, because anyone can edit any entries. but i tend to forget that cuz i'm a wikipedia addict. hee.

i don't even want to know where you guys are getting this baby-abandonment info. it's probably best i don't know.

man, i forgot about katie's short-lived gah gah i've loved him since i was a tween gushings. seems so long ago.
livelyupurself
For all your scary Clam, er, $cientology needs: Xenu

I can't believe that anyone would think it is okay to give OJ Simpson a tv show. SHAME on who ever gave the green light to that, and much ass biting from Karma for all concerned.
gluelita
laughing at plynn re: denise richards

miss_jane
But if they are being good crackpot, sorry, Scientology parents and feeding the kid this barley concoction, then why was katie pictured wearing a nursing bra? Hmm?? To prove to the world she has a working uterus and more importantly that his little sperms know which team they bat for?? These are questions that need answering.
vesicapisces
bklynhermit, do you really need to ask? The Clams (why are they being called that, anyway?) are monitoring your posts and making you double-post to make you doubt yourself. Then you'll need to be electrocuted with a tin can.
cloverbee
thanks mandolyn. now I feel I can make an informed decision and join. I feel that Scientology is the right religion for me. I think what appealed to me the most is the potential for me to be "transformed into an intergalactic walrus that perished after falling out of a flying saucer". I've always dreamed of doing that and now I have the chance. ummm...is anybody else with me on this?
gardnerella
this thread is cracking me up

that girl from American Idol is a Scientologist or, on her way
lunasol
Oh, gadnerella, i thought that was gonna be Kelly Clarkson and that she was being groomed as TC's "replacement wife" for when Katie gets too difficult.

Also: I can't believe they're advocating giving newborns corn syrup!. That makes me very, very sad.

Aaaand, I cracked up when I saw the picture of the auditor on the wiki site. They have that "Stress Test" table set up every day at my subway station. I knew it was a Scientology thing cause they sell Dianetics there, too, but I didn't know exactly what it was. And here I've been missing such a big opportunity!
gluelita
dude, i accidentally took a "stress test" when i was 16 and even then i knew those ppl were wacked. i can't believe adults ever fall for this. oh wait, ok i can believe it but i don't want to.
pollystyrene
I think I've been taking this Scientology thing to heart too much- last night I had a dream that they were going to make us become Scientologists at work or lose our jobs. And everyone else was like, "ok, I can do that!" I ran screaming from the building.

I know, the intergalactic walrus thing cracks me up! And L. Ron Hubbard was against using drugs you say?

The mention of "mystery religions" in the wikipedia article reminded me of my friend whose wacky boyfriend-now-husband who had a substance abuse problem, then replaced the substances with religion (just as bad, I tell ya!) at one point believed in some wacky sci-fi based religion that something like there was a hole at the top of the earth, like the north pole was just a giant hole, and the creatures that humans come from live in this hole and that's where the Northern Lights originate from. I can't remember what it was called, but I think it started with an "A"...anyone know this one? Anyway, my friend and her husband eventually became fundamentalists (like Pat Robertson's too liberal for them!) and I haven't talked to her in over a year. It makes me very sad. :-(
bunnyb
polly, was the religion called after Aurora? Reminds me of Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials (in the UK the first in the trilogy is entitled Northern Lights) where Christianity is used in a very interesting way.


celimene
Was it Agave(sp?)? I think it means unconditional love in greek or something. I know a guy who is in Landmark Forum (a cult that started as EST) and is into Agave now.
pollystyrene
Sounds familiar, celimene. For some reason, I keep thinking of that traditional African folk tale about the spider- what was that called? I want to say the name of the religion was close to that.
livelyupurself
Celimene, I think the word you're thinking of is Agape. Agave is plant/cactus used to make mezcal, among other things, hee. Here is a link to that "religion" I think you're talking about: target="_blank">AgapeLive
gluelita
celimene, would that be agape? agave is a succulent that produces sugar and spirits. (which is more what i would want to base a religion on, but that's just me).
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