Dec 8 2006, 08:38 AM
(The old album is still up, but was getting too big to scroll through easily...)
Dec 8 2006, 10:05 AM
ROCK! I LLLLOOOOOVVVEEEE his floppy hair! They do get SO serious about standing, eh?
Dec 8 2006, 10:12 AM
Funny Part I: my eldest cousin had the exact same hair when he was wee - that rocker/footie goalie look! I'm seriously considering trying to cut it myself this weekend...
Funny Part II: not even a week of pulling up, and already he's trying to do it one-handed. Show-off...
Dec 8 2006, 11:15 AM
oh, tart, he's just such a precious boy! he and moxette will make such the dashing pair!
oh man, will these months just pass so i can really join in on this discussion? i'm trying to soak up all the information i can, but i have a feeling all will be lost when we bring the fjette home.
holy shit! i'm going to bring an fjette home!
Dec 8 2006, 11:27 AM
FJ- you come out to play, young lady! Ok, so you're not any more young than me...but still.
Dec 8 2006, 11:29 AM
Easy there, FJ - the FJette will be here soon enough, and then you, too, can look back on the halcyon days of pregnancy, when you could eat whatever you wanted ("for the baby"), sleep til noon on weekends, and have some shred of spontenaeity in your life...
Dec 8 2006, 02:29 PM
Yep. All true, Tart.
Off to the ped now, so wish us luck. And again, thanks for the encouragment. It really helps and I really need it now.
Dec 8 2006, 02:53 PM
annoush- let us know what the ped has to say. we're all with you, sista!
Gah- its 4 and i can't leave to get my baby for another hour. sigh...its amazing how at 3AM i can't wait to send her to school, but at 4PM, i'm dying if I'm not in the car to pick her tired butt up. Motherhood.
Dec 8 2006, 02:58 PM
Good luck, Anoushh - keep us posted!
Same boat here, Mox - Tartlet's always so sweet & cuddly after a long day of playing, and we have barely an hour between getting home & starting the bedtime routine, so my ass is out the door at 4:30 sharp. In the very early days, I told Tartman it was kind of like going to meet my crush - I'd walk up the street towards his daycare & get all aflutter, wondering how his day was and if he'd be happy to see me...
Dec 8 2006, 03:19 PM
well, these days she's sort of crabbypants...not napping well at.all. at daycare, but i miss her none the less.
Dec 8 2006, 11:38 PM
Just read Tart's post about tarlet's arrival. Notbob has never slept like that!! I wish, I wish.
Anyway, we tried the hypoallergenic formula--nutramagen, or whatever--and he HATED it. It smelled funny, too. But ped now thinks it was reflux, like I do. (Notbob is 11 lbs now!) So we have Rx for zantac and fingers firmly crossed.
Grandma, who came with me to the doctor's office, had a collision with notbob's head when he turned his head just as she reached for him and her fingernail scratched him. She was on the verge of tears a lot longer than he was, esp when it started to bleed a little. Grandma now has a cold, which worries me as to him catching it. He's only 6 weeks old tomorrow.
He also can hardly stand to be put down. If we hold him constantly, he's happy--or happier, I should say. Even when he seems to be feeling ok he fusses--and then usually cries--if you put him down. I keep telling myself that if I hold him as much as he needs now, he'll learn that he got the comfort available and it will be better. But I wish it would start getting better soon.
On the plus side I got another applicaiton of silver nitrate to the most recent sore spot and hope it will finally heal up. We shall see. And notbob should be smiling soon, shouldn't he? I hope so. And I hope he feels better soon for his sake and for ours. Not nice to always feel yucky.
Dec 9 2006, 01:58 AM
anoushh, little cried for one year solid and then for nearly the whole next year and it wasn't colic or any other thing "wrong', just a pissy little character. until he learned to walk and say stuff he was one frustrated baby. it helped to wear him in a carrier all the time, then i had hands free at least. not like he didn't cry still but it seemed easier at least.
man, am i ever hoping for a easier baby this time 'round, i have no idea how i didn't go crazy.
Dec 9 2006, 11:10 AM
anoushh, the worst time for crying was six weeks for us. it got immeasurably better by 3 months. i really wish i had just suffered through it rather than desperately trying to "fix" it.
sorry i haven't been around much, everyone. sad week. pepper, thanks again for the book rec, which was very helpful before i actually became very upset about things, and now i'm having trouble actually applying it.
love to all the mamas and babies.
Dec 9 2006, 12:41 PM
gren- hope everything is OK...you give us such great support...if you need it, let us know!
This age, 8 mos, is hard for us b/c moxette was SO easy in the beginning. I find myself wondering if I cuddled her too little then, b/c she's having a hard time sleeping with the seperation anxiety, but gets excited in our bed and won't settle down.
It comes and goes. That's what we keep telling ourselves.
Dec 9 2006, 09:00 PM
The boy had a better night last night. Probably a coincidence, but he seemed happier. For various reasons I didn't get any more sleep, but I'm still glad for him.
However, I"m livid that my father "asked"--why we didn't have notbob circumcised. I say it that way b/c he clearly had an agenda, and it was stupid and made me really angry. And he picked a time when the mister was out, and could have backed me up. I was so shocked, and trying so hard not to get into an argument, but I was livid. I said b/c there was no medical reason for it and there's nothing wrong with him the way he is. He trots out this crap about being laughed at, etc, and tries to compare it to piercings and tattoos not being necessary (the latter is, I think, a swipe at my tattoo, which my mother saw when labor suddenly hit me hard when I was in the tub and I needed help getting out. It's not been spoken of but she may have siad something to him. Who knows.)
I said as an adult you get the make the choice. I also wanted to say it's not mutilation on the same scale, but didn't. He just kept at it and I'm still angry.
THe mister, being English, thinks the whole US obsession with circumcision is insane, and even if I did want to do it would not allow it. He's so mild mannered, but as he said "I'd move heaven and earth to make sure it didn't happen."
I didn't think of saying this--that he wouldn't approve either--to my father, but I did say that he's managed just fine being intact. Probably more than my dad wanted to know about him. Tough, though.
In postivie news, since the mister doesn't work tomorrow he's doing night duty so I get to sleep tonight. He doesn't usually b/c he's a truck driver and its not save for him to be out driving all day sleep deprived. He works insane hours as it is, which means he's hardly around to help out. My mom does, but I need him around more, which I've told him, and last week was a little better. "Only" worked 58 hours instead of last weeks' 70. Still too much.
Dec 9 2006, 09:22 PM
anoushh, why don't you tell your father that the AMA doesn't recommend it and that the majority of boys his age are not circumcised, so actually getting his foreskin snipped would get him made fun of, etc., and that he should GET IN STEP WITH THE TIMES? that should at least give him pause.
or, if pops is the patriarchal type, you could always have the mister inform him that he prefers the boy look like his father, i.e. uncut, and then watch him blush...
(me, i prefer to say "i don't support male OR female circumcision" and leave it at that.)
moxie, i love your new photo. and: thanks. i am sort of done talking about it, because there's nothing i can do except accept that the world is not. acting. the way. it should. and i am having a hard. time. loving it. but i'm trying.
Dec 10 2006, 09:22 AM
annoush- what an asshat move for your pop to make. It'd be one thing if he asked out of general interset or curiosity- ok, he asks, you answer, conversation done. But to harp on you...when that's the LAST thing you need. Feh.
We faced similar questions about moxette's ear piercing...i figured it was easier on her and us to do it now than when she was older and untrustworthy about hygiene. But, it was my descision as her mother, and if we ever have a son, i'd be totally ok with whatever moxieman felt about circumcision. Its a cosemetic proceedure, as far as I'm concerned. One that should be done ASAP if its gonna happen at all. Are most boys now not circumcised, really? Hmmm...
Dec 10 2006, 09:44 AM
the mr. tells me the majority of male infants are no longer circumcised; i found a stat that it went down from 80% in the 70s to 65% in the late 80s, but nothing more current, but it's certainly believable given the trend. i'd love to see post-2000 data as my ped and my personal experience tells me circumcision is way down. my jewish cousin didn't circumcise any of her three boys and has exhaustively researched that the whole "covenant" thing is misconstrued and not necessary to being a good jew, etc.
i think people should actually MAKE decisions rather than reflecting the mindless assumptions of their parents/cultural norms. we used to think that BLOODLETTING cured fever, for maude's sake. let's think a little, people! (end rant)
moxie, do parents ever ask questions like that out of general interest or curiosity?
in my experience the ones who ask are asking to be passive-aggressive/convince you otherwise and it's the ones who don't ask, but let you tell if you want, who actually have general interest.
i had a thought this morning about whether to have another. i do believe that, all other things being equal, it's better for a kid to have a sibling (particularly a biracial kid - btw, i can't recommend the book "does anybody else look like me" enough for mixed-race families). but it also occurred to me that it might be better for ME not to have a sibling for my kid, and i should remember to consider that as an option (we're very duty-and-family around here, so sometimes i forget).
Dec 10 2006, 12:36 PM
According to this:http://www.circumstitions.com/USA.html
in our area it's less than 40%.
In spite of what my surname makes people think, I'm not jewish, but I found some discussion of what your cousin was saying very interesting. I think you can make a compelling argument--very compelling-that she's absolutely right from a religious standpoint. But even if people felt it was necessary in terms of their faith, at least that's a better reason than "because everyone else does it"--which isn't even true anyway.
As for the nature of those kinds of questions, no, my father never does ask out of real interest or curiosity. My mother might ask out of curiosity, but he's so fucking defensive. I know he hears anything I say as criticism of his choices and just can't tolerate that psychically. FIrst it's medical arguments, then when I can refute that, then it's "social" arguments like he'll be laughed at, or he won't look like his dad--as you've said he'll be in the majority now anyway, and um, if he's circumcised he won't look like his dad (besides the fact that these are incredibly feeble arguments for mutilating your child). So yeah, mitigating my dad's cognitive dissonance and anxiety is a good reason to mutilate my child. Not.
Thankfully he's going away for a few days soon. Not long enough, but better than nothing.
The mister had a relatively good night with the lad. He found it exausting, of course, but I think that's a postive sign for the future. And I got some sleep!!!! Of course I could sleep for three more days right now, but it's a start. And the boy likes his new swing we bought yesterday. So I'm feeling a bit better. Now to tackle the poor kid's thrush. Anyone have experience with gentian violet? Yes, I know it stains something wicked.
Gren, as you know thinking of what you need is pretty damn important, too!
Dec 10 2006, 01:37 PM
sorry, no experience with gentian violet here - had good results with giving the bean powdered probiotics mixed in water for his yeast-related diaper rash when i was on antibiotics for a UTI.
anoushh, sorry your dad's so defensive. you might try just not engaging him seriously at all - i know he'll want to make you, but since you know it's not going anywhere good, why bother? or there's always turning it around...
anoushh-père: "so, why haven't you had him circumcised?"
anoushh (ingenuously) "oh, do you think he should be circumcised?"
ap: "well...em...hrm...it's more sanitary!"
a: "really? where did you read that?"
ap: "well...anyway, don't you want him to be normal?"
a: "well, we'd rather he be happy and well-adjusted and intact, but it's nice that as an uncircumcised male he's in the majority, as well..."
ap: "well, he should look like his dad, don't you think?"
a (beaming): "i'm so glad you brought that up! naturally, we want him to be uncircumcised just like his dad! you've really helped me affirm our choice!"
(ap vanishes in a puff of logic)
...obviously, it may be too late to do that for this particular issue, but maybe not...especially if he tried the ol' pressure-you-by-bringing-it-up-again-in-front-of-someone-else tactic.
the thing that bugs me about the religious argument is that it's often a case of just doing what everyone else is perceived to do. in the case of a friend of mine (who used to tell me in high school that her mother claimed they were middle eastern jews because she didn't want to admit that they were actually part black, and who was not raised jewish in the sense of going to temple, getting bat mitzvahed, etc.) who stubbornly had her son circumcised "because he's jewish" (she had never practised judaism prior and her husband was catholic), it was not because "i truly believe circumcision is an essential part of my faith" but more, i thought, because she wanted to try to fit in now that she'd decided to call herself a jew. i tried my damndest (without being too invasive/bossy) to make her reconsider, and when she didn't i went to her bris despite her other best friend and my husband boycotting it, and i held her while she cried because "they're hurting my baby"...
grr. it makes me furious just to think about.
Dec 10 2006, 01:50 PM
"Vanishes in a puff of logic"--Hitchhiker's Guide? Loved that!
Excellent advice. I was sort of going for that approach, but your post makes me see how I can do it even better, as I always fight the temptation to get into a no-win trying to convince him situation in order to feel validated, but it's pointless.(I don't do this consciously, mind you.)
Understand completely what you are saying about the "i'm only jewish enough to get my boy circumcised but not to practice the faith in any way" crowd.
Also the jewish so no one thinks you are black think reminded me of my grandmother. My surname is probably german origin (though I'm more Armenian than anything) but my racist grandmother always went on about this way too much, lest anyone thinks we were jewish. Shut the fuck up--like there wasn't a Jew or two in there? God forbid! *rolls eyes*
Then again, I hate to even think of how she referred to black people.
Yes, this is my dad's mom I'm talking about.
Dec 10 2006, 02:16 PM
at your service. i know, it's really hard not to fight with people who want you to fight. but the way i see it, the minute you start fighting with them, you lose, because what they WANT is not so much to Make You See the Truth as to Have an Argument and Get a Rise Out of You Who Are Wrong. if they get nothing but benign positivity, you win... (that's my be-zen-and-let-other-people-get (hee)-stuffed philosophy).
yes, douglas adams. wiser than most people give him credit for.
your poor dad. sounds like he's got a long history of combative narrow-mindedness to overcome. luckily not-bob won't have to deal with all that negativity from his own parents!
Dec 11 2006, 01:38 PM
Heya, mamas, I'm looking for a product rec, if anyone has one... Tartlet can pull up in his crib, and the gnawing/licking/tongue-ing of crib railing has begun (gah). No teeth yet, but I know eventually we'll need to get some kind of guard to slip over the top rails so there's no ingesting of wood bits. The ones I've found online for the most part are a crapshoot in the fit & security department - I'm actually thinking a length of squishy PVC split & slid over the rail would work, but knowing Tartlet, he'll figure out how to pull it off in about 2 seconds... any thoughts?
Dec 11 2006, 02:00 PM
hmmm...tart, ours came with a plastic liner (although he also never did that). maybe check with the co. that made the crib to see if they make those to match?
also, you could just put the mattress down low enough that he can't easily chomp on the rail...
on another note, can i get some vibage, please? we just took a feverish bean to the doc and he had a chest x-ray (i do not recommend this for infants, unless you want to see your kid in what looks like a plexiglass torture device) and has PNEUMONIA. very small area of the lung affected, but god...my brother has permanent lung damage from a bout with pneumonia, and the bean is traumatised...
(*!&@*!! kids' parents not keeping them home from daycare when they're really sick!)
Dec 11 2006, 02:10 PM
(((( Bean & worried Gren )))) That's so miserable... speedy recovery, Bean!
Ours is an IKEA crib, so no extra bits were included, and we just dropped the mattress this weekend - he's a tall one, our boy, and the top rail is right at mouth level now. It's not a crisis, but something I can see being an issue if we Ever. Get. Any. Damn. TEETH. Seriously. Any day now would be fine with me, just stop the pissy drool fountain....
Dec 11 2006, 02:18 PM
thanks. how about this: http://www.teething-teeth.com/Crib_Gripz_t...Crib_Guard.html
i searched for "Crib rail guard" and found tons of similar things...
Dec 11 2006, 02:34 PM
You're a genius, Gren - I'd never even considered a cloth-style rail cover... it would sop up the aforementioned deluge, too...
Dec 11 2006, 07:36 PM
any god damed teeth is right, tart! I'd love hers to just COME already. Thanks for the update, gren on the crib rail. I gasped at the bean's diagnosis...i will send (((speedy recovery))) vibes. You're right- its one thing to send them to school with a runny nose...that one can't help. But when they're SICK...christ, keep them home. The germ spreader's parents are probably the "I can go to work...I'm STRONG..." sick types too.Aside from obvious fever/antibiotic needing, our guideline is "well, if you looked/felt like HER right now, would you go to work?" If we even hesitate, she stays home.
Dec 11 2006, 09:50 PM
there are runny noses and runny noses...garden-variety, ok, but i was picking him up the other day and there was this girl with thick green ropes of mucus hanging out of both nostrils. i saw her and thought, public health hazard! (sorry for the gnarly visual)
thanks, moxie and tart. it's a very mild case, supposedly, and he does seem to be responding to the antibiotics *crossing all double appendages* so hopefully it will get better soon. (but the word "pneumonia" strikes fear in my heart.) i'm a little worried that our damp house, in parts of which i've discovered mold (ugh), might be contributing - mucho airing out happened today and a call is in to the enviro-testing people. if so, we'd move in with my parents temporarily...which would actually be kind of fun.
mox, it just occurred to me that moxette looks like she's about to take a chomp right out of that rail in your photo...
Dec 12 2006, 06:51 AM
oh, its the kitty she's trying to chomp! Just out of the photo, there is a chair, with a kitty sitting on it. They "Rawrrrrr" at each other. Its god damed adorable, I tell you.
gren, i actually sent the link to my 2 cousions and 1 BFF who have infants- i figure its something we all will be in need of now or shortly. BTW, I am an enviro professional- if you want to discuss, PM me and we can chat mold. I can at least give you some ideas of what to look for and ask the folks who come to your house.
Ok, I have big news. She SLEPT ALL NIGHT. Yep! Woke up at 4:45 to eat, but shit- she slept from 7:45-through. HUZZAH! We are now working on weaning from the midnight feed, and figure the best way to go about it is to just let her sleep, and if she wakes at an inordinate time, process from there. But, she did GREAT! Yippee!
Dec 12 2006, 07:53 AM
hurrah for all night sleeping!
thanks, mox, i'll pm you.
Dec 12 2006, 09:12 AM
Clearly, the wee ones are trading off... that's awesome, Mox! But holy developmental waking, Batman! Tartlet was on fire last night - bedtime's usually at 7:30, but Mr Crazypants didn't go to sleep until after 10. We nursed, we walked, we danced, we played, we read stories, we rubbed our eyes & mashed our face into Daddy's shirt, we snoozed peacefully on Mama's shoulder, we even passed the "dead arm" test... but could we stay asleep when we were carefullygentlysilently lowered into the crib? Oh heck no. UP goes the butt, UP goes the head, the arms & legs go flying & the monologue of "gagadehdehbabwababa" resumes... He was, at least, chipper about it, with nary a whimper, but still. Dude. Sleep, man - look into it. He finally went down, we breathed a sigh & rolled into bed... and 3 hours later Tartlet is screaming his head off & 100% inconsolable.
The one-two punch of boobies in the big bed finally did the trick, but damn. He was all milk stoned & cuddly this morning, so hopefully last night was the crisis point, at least for this round..."... thick green ropes of mucus..."
Gahhhhhhhhh... (full body shudder) Thanks, Gren... I think that's ruined seaweed salad for me for a while.
Dec 12 2006, 09:18 AM
first prize goes to miss moxie for levelheaded in a crisis!
unrelated: something occurred to me this morning (and is related to why i haven't found a "playgroup" i like): so few people actually LIKE their kids. i thought of it because it's so obvious how much moxie likes moxette, and i was reflecting that it's funny how much we debate about various aspects of childrearing and ignore this most important one. that's why i'm so in support of CBCers - i think they're nothing more tragic than parents who don't really like their kids/like kids. i don't begin to understand how people like that allow themselves to be railroaded into it - except that i know how much pressure there is!
we actually use the daycare more as a playgroup (he goes there 2 half-days per week) and one of the things i like about it is the people who work there, who really like kids. that said, i'm still mounting a public health campaign (for my mandatory parent credit hour) next quarter to keep the snotties OUT of daycare.
ETA: tart, it was really more celadon than chlorophyll green. and much more tubular than seaweed. munch away!
Dec 12 2006, 09:41 AM
I do like my kid. She's a really fantastic little person. Except when she's fussy-miss-bitchy-pants. Then, I love her, and want her to stop being fussy-miss-bitchy-pants. I think we've said it here before, but our babies and toddlers are little real people, and have moods and personalities and interactions as such. I question the parents who are totally, absolutly, HAPPY with their kids all the time. They're either weird or lying.
Moxette won't go down quietly anymore, either. we just let her babble away. I could listen to her content babbling all night.
And gren- i'm an environmental professional. A level head in the face of mold is what I do.
glad to help.
Dec 12 2006, 03:53 PM
I question the parents who are totally, absolutly, HAPPY with their kids all the time. They're either weird or lying.
I've been thinking about this lately, hearing all the people who refuse to admit that they feel any resentment or ambivilence about having a child. I mean, I love the little guy, but it's a HUGE responsibilty and a baby demands so much of you. Do they not mind this at all??
I think they are a variant of the parents you mention above.
While notbob didn't sleep through the night---I can only dream this will happen one day--he did sleep for 3.5 hours, which for him is good. And amazingly I woke up at 3, saw he was asleep, thought "he'll be waking up any minute" and managed to fall back asleep instead of anxiously lying awake waiting for it. He slept for another hour and I slept for about 45 more minutes.
And he's just barely starting to smile. I can't wait.
Dec 12 2006, 04:25 PM
annoush- i couldn't agree more about the slight resentment and ambivilance. I keep telling my as-yet childless co-workers (both want kids, neither have them yet) to not try until they're ready for their whole lives to be upended. Many a joyful moment- but many an upending, too.
I fear for us tonight- moxette was a "crabbypants" at school...she's napping right now, though, so for the moment, its quiet. You're starting to get the swing of things when YOU can go back to sleep when the wee one isn't waking you up yet. That's somethin.
Dec 12 2006, 04:55 PM
i know what you mean, but i wouldn't describe my feelings toward the bean as resentment or ambivalence - maybe because i (sort of) knew what i was getting into, maybe because he's really a real person to me without my thinking that everything he does is charming or perfect (and i think i'm a lot better at recognising HIS limitations than i am at dealing with anyone else's). this isn't the kind of wife/mom i wanted to be (then again, i never planned to be a wife/mom), but i find myself resenting and being ambivalent about my husband, not the baby!
which is not to say i'm always blithely happy about my parenting experience. my negative feelings tend to manifest more in terms of feeling terrified for him/the world he has to live in, tho.
i love the babbling! my mom used to tell me i would lie in my crib and sing to myself. the bean does too. la la la...it's funny.
in other news, our new game is called 1-2-3 - PARESSE! it involves piling up all the feather pillows on the bed and then dumping the bean into them while yelling "un...deux....trois...PARESSE!" he thinks it's uproarious (and he's a lot happier today; thanks for the bustie-powers).
Dec 12 2006, 06:52 PM
oh my, he pisses me off and irritates me just as much as other people in my life do. maybe not as much as my mom does but as least as much as my younger brothers and sisters. i mean, i love, love, love him so much and i think so much of what he does that would be inconsequential to anyone else is just the Cutest-Most-Adorable-And-Totally-Worthy-Of-A-Photograph stuff ever! but when he gets out of bed for the 4th time to get another whatever he absolutely can not go to sleep without, i start losing my tolerance.
sure, when he was little and just Would Not Stop Crying EVER i totally resented him for it. i cared for him, rocked him, walked the floor boards down with him, etc. but i can't say i loved and enjoyed every minute of that. it was hell. worth it but completely sucky.
Dec 13 2006, 06:45 AM
i think the resentment comes a bit from the mourning period over the necessary transition from non-parent to parent. There are times when I'd love to just up and head out to a cafe, etc. 99.99% of the time, I believe that moxette reaching out for ME is about the best feeling in the world. My ambivilance lays entierly with the experience of pregnancy. One would thave thought BEING pregnant would have changed my mind about being amivil;ant about the whole thing, but nope. Still as ambivilant about pregnancy as i was before.
teething update...i think miss crabby pants is back b/c the teeth are pushing through! this morning, i stuck a finget in to check things out, and i felt 2 tiny, barly there ridges instead of just gums. i hope another couple days will get these fuckers out, and i get my sweet baboo back. The other thing we have to do is force her some independence at home. She's working hard at school with all her pulling up, standing, etc., but at home, she KNOWS mommy and daddy will help her if she fusses a little. Yep, we've got to remember that frustratiuon is a powerful tool...right?
Glad the bean is feeling better. We call your game "BOOM!" and it creates giggles all around. If you all have time, look up "baby babbles" on google video or youtube...makes for a hella good few minutes of relaxing.
Dec 13 2006, 09:13 PM
tart- i hope you and the tartlette are having a good night. its OUR turn,round 1, interval 1...
Dec 13 2006, 10:35 PM
good luck knocking out the champ, moxie.
mold update: the labs aren't back, but they thought it looked bad. there was a whole section of multicolored mold we hadn't even seen in the back of OUR closet, including all over my (red silk) wedding dress and (black silk) cheongsam. the mold people thought it might be playing hell on the bean's weakened immune system, and so we are guests chez maman (actually she's not here, only my stepdad is, which is sad because the bean adores her and keeps LOOKING for her). and i was a total bitch to the mister about it just now, only because i'm stressed out and worried that we have been keeping our kid in a toxic environment.
sigh. obviously, i SUCKED in a former life.
peace and shuteyes in a fungus-free environment to all of you.
Dec 14 2006, 05:47 AM
gren- i'm SO sorry to hear about this. Mold blows. I'm sorry it's been a scrounge in your home.
How long did the contractors say it would take to get everthing done? phoey. You did not know it was a toxic environment. You are dealing with it now-that is the best you can do.
Us? it was a freaking horrible night. teething, developmental waking, yada, yada. we even ended up calling our Ped, b/c we just couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. his suggestion worked-more motrin. we were worried about giving her more before the "6 hour" dosing time had expired...at 4.5 hours (2 crying and only soothed for moments at a time), we caved and called him. blessed man. those suckers better come out soon.
Dec 14 2006, 08:34 AM
That sucks, Gren, but at least you've found the problem, and it's treatable, eh? Don't beat yourself up over it - who honestly looks for mold in their closets, for heavens sake? Basements, maybe... now you've got me thinking about all the storage we've got back in the colder part of the apartment. Meanwhile, you've got the Bean in a spore-less environment, and so on the road to recovery, right?
Our nights have been much better, thanks, Mox - just that one really wretched night, and we're back to the usual routine (down at 7, up at 3:30 to nurse). Poor Mox family, et al! Having a miserable baby and no idea how to fix it is one of the hardest parts of parenting, I think, no matter how old they are. We got the OK to double-up on the pain relief on occasion, as well - only in a crisis, but it sounds like that's where you were last night. All I can say is keep trading off, so at least one of you can get a moment's peace to recharge, and sometimes having a good cry along with her is all you can do...
My brief take on the joy/bitterness of motherhood: I think you're right on the money, Mox, about the mourning of our "lost" freedom. Especially being an independent, do-it-myself sort of woman, the 24/7 "party of two" factor is what I find most draining. Even when I get an afternoon to myself while Tartman does daddy duty, easily 60% of my brain (& 100% of my boobage) is still in Motherland, whether I like it or not. But at the end of the day, even when he's screaming in my ear at 3am, I wouldn't trade it for anything. I never thought of myself as the "mothery" type, but apparently we can surpise ourselves, even at the ripe old age of 33...
Dec 14 2006, 11:06 AM
thanks, ladies. actually we'll have to rip out and replace a few interior and maybe exterior walls, so it's no picnic, but que sera, sera.
my advice to all parents: get a humidity gage and check your house humidity if you're worried about mold. they found ours was 80%, which is WAY high. had we invested in a dehumidifer earlier, we might not have to rip out walls.
i haven't actually talked to contractors yet. i'm kind of scared to, because i have no idea how much this will cost. i'm waiting for the report back from the testing/remediation rec. people.
mox, sorry you had such a miserable night. maybe the ol' clove oil/bourbon on the gums trick is worth re-trying...
Dec 14 2006, 11:40 AM
well, i'm not above that if we have another bad night. she loves beer-grabs at beer bottles like a real MSU-to-be student...so, if nothing else works, i may dose her up with a 1/4 teaspoon...but that is such an absolute last resort.
gren- again, if you need anything with the mold- PM/email/call me. it is a scary proposition. I had fans going for days when our sink leaked.
Dec 14 2006, 12:50 PM
So, bad nights all around then.
Notbob was in a pattern of sleeping just a bit, demanding food, then not eating much so awake again shortly. Combine that with wet diapers that leaked, a poo filled diaper or two, and a sudden surge of energy at about 4:30 am and I'm fucking exhausted. And not sure if there's anything I can do differently.
Gren, that sucks about the mold, but I echo what everyone else has said wholeheartedly. Try not to beat yourself up--there's no need and it does no good.
I had a dream about this thread last night--the teensy bit I slept.
Oh, and ripe old age of 33? Try 40!!!
And yes, you've all expressed it well, what I was getting at. Not bob gave me a smile yesterday. He's still getting the hang of them so they are very infrequent, but ever so cute!!
Dec 16 2006, 02:08 PM
Oops--killed the thread.
Ok, I don't know how we are going to get through this. This is one high need little boy. He wants to be held all the time. He doesn't sleep on his own most of the time. He's still not sleeping well at night and often has long periods up at night. I'm exhausted. Things are feeling weird with my mother too. I keep getting this vibe that she is disapproving of the fact that I"m acknowledging I have needs, find it extremely hard to go without sleep, etc. Or disapproving of something--I don't know what.
And the mister has huge pressures to work stupid hours and then pressures from me as I keep saying I can't cope doing this on my own. I feel guilty asking him to do any baby duty, silly as that might be.
How can one little boy wear out so many people, especially me?
Dec 16 2006, 02:55 PM
your mom is her own problem. i hope you can ignore whatever vibes, real or imaginary, she might be sending and just find ways to use her to help you out (shopping? takeout pickup?)
i know it doesn't fix the immediate situation to say this, but please consider that it might not be so much that notbob is "high need" as much as that this is a high-need time in his life. when the bean was six weeks old i literally felt like i would go mad, and he cried a lot. by six months he was sleeping 8-10 hours at a stretch (and at night). i think you can be pretty sure that things WILL GET BETTER. do you have a support group of other new moms/experienced moms to talk to? can you hire a babysitter to be with notbob for a few hours a couple of days a week so you can nap/do errands/get a massage? can you get a carrier (a sling, or an ergo, or a snugli) and just wear notbob most of the time? at that age it can really help (i used to cook dinner with the bean in a snugli).
and the mister knows he has a job to do with notbob too. you work the same number of hours with notbob as he does on his job; when he's home, it should be fifty-fifty.
sorry it's hard right now (((anoushh))).
hope all the other mamas and babies are doing ok. me, i'm ecstatic because the bean at a small meal yesterday (first one in several days; he has probably dipped down from his previous eighth percentile weight). we get our complete mold report tuesday. then the construction begins. i am feeling bad because the bean loves his house and must be wondering why we're not there, but i don't want to even take him by it currently).
Dec 17 2006, 12:01 PM
hello, echoing void...
i forgot: for all new parents of young babies, i can't recommend the miracle blanket enough. it's a swaddling blanket that literally helped the bean sleep at least twice as long for naps and 2-3 hours longer at night when he was in his early, fussy days - just google it, it's totally worth it. anoushh, maybe your mom could buy you one as a way of expressing her concern...
Dec 17 2006, 06:38 PM
gren has already given all my advice for anoushh!
I can totally empathise. I had a colicky prem who was up eating all night and cried all evening and woke up everytime I tried to lay him down and a surgeon-husband who was at the hospital for weeks at a time.
Call a friend - just so she can tell you to hang in there when you feel like throwing him out the window.
Snugli - wear him when cranky
Big exercise ball - sit on it and bounce instead of pacing around the house with your arms aching (this was the best trick EVER for me)
Swaddle - Right on gren! I actually didn't have a miracle blanket I just improvised but I bought 2 for this time around.
Baby swing - there were a few weeks where he wouldn't sleep in a crib but would sleep in the swing. I was worried it would spoil his sleep forever, but he's an awesome sleeper now. It got us through the rough spot.
Patience - as gren says, this will last a week or two or three and then everything will change.
.... I can't believe we'll be doing this again in a few months! (((anoushh))